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He's been at college for almost two years when it happens. Sharing a room for the first time, Liam realizes that he might be in some trouble.
It's a set of bunk beds, so it isn’t like privacy is a given, and Liam is just on the verge of drifting off when he hears his name in Spencer's deep voice. It's soft and questioning, like they're making sure he's really asleep and Liam, used to pretending thanks to his parents, keeps his breathing slow and steady. Spencer waits for a moment and Liam hears them exhale slowly, shifting on their bed. Liam thinks about reaching out, not sure what he'd do after that, but he hears a soft noise app start up.
It's all fake waves and stuff like that, so Liam lets it soothe him back to that place of half-dozing until he hears it.
A hitched breath - like Spencer didn't mean to let it out. A relentless buzzing that, for an embarrassing moment, Liam thinks might be an incoming call, until the barely-there smack of skin on skin. Spencer exhales hard, staying so, so quiet and Liam wants to crawl out of his skin. His dick is hard enough to cut glass and he wonders what the protocol is here.
He feels like a creep.
He can't stop thinking about what it might look like. Spencer squirming onto their fingers, mouth open. And maybe it isn't fair, but Liam thinks about Alex, eyes going wide and mouth falling open in shock at the first touch of Liam’s hand. He listens to the buzzing that goes - Jesus Christ - higher than before and a shudder wracks Liam before he can help it. Spencer is letting out these soft, hard exhales that Liam has to strain to hear, until the buzzing reaches a fever pitch.
Liam thinks his ears might be bleeding when he hears Spencer's muffled whimper and the buzzing stops. Liam stays still, heart pounding, and Liam is convinced that Spencer can hear it - some weirdly sexualized Tell-Tale Heart shouting out Liam’s current state. If they do, they don't give any hints as they slowly ease their legs over the bed and Liam keeps his eyes closed and breathing even until the bathroom door closes.
Liam jolts, reaching down to frantically strip his cock at the remembered sounds and wonders what it looks like when Spencer gets themselves off. He thinks he shouldn't be into this - the voyeurism of it all, the way that it's only in Liam’s mind what Spencer might look, smell, and fuck, taste like. He wonders if Spencer throws their head back, if their face screws up like it hurts, like that guy Liam hooked up with over winter break.
Maybe they would stare straight at Liam, mouth open in disbelief - like Alex (God, Liam really is going to Hell) - like an amateurish blowjob was all they wanted.
Maybe Spencer would touch Liam after, the way Liam sometimes feels nervous to let others do.
It's this, the thought of Spencer dragging Liam up for a kiss that tastes like come and sweat and sex that has Liam biting his own arm, coming into his hand. Liam shivers hard, shaking through the last twinges of his release, like horse after a race. His heart thuds as he hears the toilet flush in the bathroom. He yanks his shirt off and wipes his hand on it, tossing it towards his hamper and thankfully making it. He pulls the blankets over himself, willing his breathing to slow and his body to cool as Spencer makes their way back to their bed.
"Li?" Spencer asks softly, as though checking to see if Liam’s still asleep. Liam stays quiet, breathing evenly (he hopes) as he feigns sleep. Spencer seems satisfied by that, settling in their bed while Liam stares at the opposite wall, wide awake.
Liam is, bluntly, fucked.
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Spencer is not proud of what they're doing, necessarily.
They think of being the year above Liam, watching him slowly find his footing when he first came to UT. It's hard, Spencer knows, to go from whatever fucked up thing Liam’s parents put him through to this. Spencer thinks of their own journey to coming out, experimenting with identity; with introducing themselves as a They. They cant help but think of how much harder it's been for Liam.
("This is the most pathetic crush I have ever seen," Jo had said, zir drawn-on eyebrows lifting at the first queer mixer of the year. Liam, out on the dance floor, looking like he might break and Spencer, unsure if they wanted to break him just because they could, or because they wanted to see how Liam might put Humpty Dumpty back together again.
"I'm sorry, didn't you shave off your eyebrows because Oblivious Olivia said she thought it was brave?"
"Hey, eyes on your own road, motherfucker," Jo said, scowling.)
Spencer has watched Liam drift from hookup to hookup, something settling in him with each walk of shame (not that any of them had thought shame was the first emotion Liam was feeling, based on his pleased, shy grins) as Liam seemingly found the kind of person they like, the kind of partner he wanted to be; a quiet confidence that still had shades of the uncertain guy that Spencer first met. Liam finding a quiet pattern of hookups (never a relationship) in and out of their friend group.
It just always seemed to bypass Spencer. Spencer isn't dwelling on it, okay? They're secure, they've got their own set up of hookups to maintain.
It's just. Liam laughs and Spencer's heart stutters. He grins, hair sweaty, arms glistening after lacrosse practice and Spencer wants to beg to do all sorts of things with their mouth. Liam pulls on one of Spencer's hoodies, pretending like he isn't burying his face into the collar with a pleased smile (and god, Spencer thinks they could bottle the way that makes them feel). He holds Spencer’s hand through a panic attack; talking to them about whatever new queer play that Jason had dragged him to, and Spencer wants.
So they hatched a plan. They all know Liam likes to watch - he's said as much to Spencer and Jason when they'd checked out that Queer hookah bar downtown. (It'd been memorable for other reasons - namely Liam, a little high and a little drunk, humming as he'd traced delicate fingertips over the veins of Spencer's arms, as if captivated.)
He'd confessed to it with ease, taking the good-natured jokes with a boyish grin and Spencer had thought, Oh.
Except it's been three nights of fucking themselves on the bed below Liam, hearing his concentrated, steady breathing that has none of the whistle-snore that Liam lets out when he's really sleeping. Three nights of wishing the fingers or dick inside themselves were Liam’s.
("If it wasn't funny, it'd just be sad, you know?" Emery says, grinning when Spencer had scowled and shoved him.)
So they take a break. They hold off for a while; quick jerk-off sessions in the shower and going right to sleep in their dorm room. Spencer can tell that Liam wants to say something. Wants to do something.
But he doesn't.
So, Spencer has a new plan.
They wait until Liam excuses himself for bed and gives it enough time for plausibility - Liam's notorious for falling asleep at the drop of a hat, so Spencer quickly gets ready for bed. They moisturize like they're getting ready to go hookup, the smell of sandalwood lingering in the air after they pad out to their bed.
Liam's breathing slowly, a soft hint of a whistle to his breath - like he's just dropped off, so Spencer clears their throat, soft and gentle, sitting on their bed. The sheets have been mussed from where they'd face-planted after class, only woken up by the fond shove from Liam for dinner. Despite being a year ahead of him and on a different program entirely, Liam seemingly has everything figured out. He's got an optimized nap schedule, for fuck's sake.
Spencer is horrifyingly into it.
"Liam," Spencer whispers, the sound soft and gentle; testing the waters as they slowly shuck their pajamas. If they're going to do this, they're going to be comfortable - and besides, maybe, if things go the way that they want, it'll work for everyone.
There's no sign that Liam hears them but Spencer listens for his breathing; it's a little too measured, like a practiced thing. It isn't until they open their side drawer where their condoms, lube, and toys are stored that Spencer hears the soft hitch in Liam's breathing and they find themselves thinking, I fucking knew it.
They drift their hand over the dildos, one thin and long while the other is thick and short, depending on what Spencer might be in the mood for. And tucked in the back with a box that's almost suspiciously plain, is one that Spencer doesn't use often.
It feels like a cliché to have a fleshlight, really; one that Spencer's previous hookups have laughed over, but sometimes it's better than their fist.
It's also, unfortunately for a shared space, loud.
But Spencer grins to themselves, shivering as their dick stirs at the first pass of their hand. They've been on edge all day, catching Liam's sweet, curious glances; the kind that make Spencer want to bury their hands in that soft, dusty brown hair and pull him into a kiss. Spencer wonders if Liam is a biter; wonders if he prefers to receive it, given the hickies Spencer has seen.
They wonder if Liam squirms, like he can't bear being empty for another moment. Spencer shivers at the thought, thumbing over his nipple lightly, reaching for their phone and pulling up the noise app, to have some kind of plausible deniability if Liam turns out to be not into this. Spencer worries, for a moment, as they give their dick a quick stroke, gasping into it.
Teasing themselves to full hardness, they listen for Liam; hearing his breathing pick up at the snick of the cap, lube pooling over Spencer's fingers as they slick themselves up. Liam shifts on the bed above Spencer, the sound loud and Spencer bites back a grin as they both freeze; as if it'll disturb whatever strange equilibrium they have here in the darkness. Spencer teases themselves, biting their lip at the sound of their fist sliding around their dick; it's a distinctive sound, a smacking that makes Spencer shiver at what Liam might hear.
Spencer kicks their blankets to the edge of the bed, throwing down a towel as a last minute thought before they dribble lube into the silicone sleeve of the fleshlight. Their cheeks flush as they thrust into it, a choked gasp slipping out of them despite all the precautions they've taken to stay quiet. It's so good, but still not as good as the imagined heat of Liam's mouth.
The fleshlight makes an obscene noise as they stroke themselves with it; slow, gripping strokes that make Spencer's hair on their neck stand up. They can feel it in their toes and it isn't until they work themselves up to the edge and pause that they can hear it.
The soft gasps above them and the rustle that Spencer wonders over; is it Liam's sheets? Their mind fills in Liam shoving the sheets to the bottom of the bed and they wonder if Liam's touching themselves. The thought is almost more than Spencer can bear, fucking into the toy in an unhurried fashion, hands nearly shaking. They think of Liam in his sweats, palming his cock through them and Spencer can swear their mouth waters (it isn't their fault that directly after they'd scored this room, they'd looked over and saw Liam, early one morning, stretching with his arms behind his back, morning wood pressed against his pants. Spencer has never forgotten it).
Spencer gasps into their free hand, the sound barely there but they hear the echo above them and their entire body lights up.
They pause, listening intently for some movement from Liam, wanting and hoping that maybe this is when two years of longing finally fucking spills over (which, hah, bad choice of words there, their dick reminds them). There's nothing but the fake sounds of waves and gulls in the room until a soft "Oh," slips out above them. Spencer grits their teeth, fucking into the fleshlight at the thought, shivering hard.
Spencer is usually the quieter partner in bed, but they can't help but show off, hoping against hope that Liam will finally do something. Spencer pulls the fleshlight off, the slick sound so fucking loud, suddenly. They add a few more sloppy dribbles of lube, shifting on the bed to fuck into it, like sinking into a partner. Spencer rocks their hips back and forth, aching with the urge to come; edging themselves after the week they've had just makes all of Spencer's nerves come alight.
Spencer hisses softly, when they hear more shuffling and it isn't until they're fucking into the toy in a slow, teasing rhythm that they hear the slap of skin of skin matching their rhythm. "Yeah, touch yourself, sweetheart."
It's calculated. Or maybe it isn't. Maybe Spencer just can't help it; but at their voice, Liam gasps so loud, it's like Spencer is fucking into him. Spencer grits their teeth against a groan, rocking their hips as Liam whimpers; like he tried to stifle it but failed.
"Come on, Liam. Lemme hear you," Spencer says, breathless and aching. They pause on their thrusts, heat coiling at the base of their spine, listening to Liam stripping his cock, panting.
"You too," Liam says finally, voice rough, like he's been screaming for hours and Spencer curses loudly, fucking the fleshlight like it's Liam's mouth. It's ridiculous, or it should be - getting off less than five feet away from each other but Spencer can hear those soft little whines and it's driving them crazy.
"Sweetheart, who do you think this has been for?" Spencer asks, rough and so close that they can feel their orgasm in their teeth. Liam's stroking himself faster and Spencer follows his rhythm, fucking into the softness of the toy to the same pace as Liam's jerking off. Spencer's head spins as Liam sobs once, overcome as Spencer chokes.
"Spencer," Liam chokes out, the slap of skin on skin and the scent of sweat and sex filling the room before Spencer lets out a long, aching groan.
"Yeah, honey. Lemme hear you," Spencer grits out. They fuck into the fleshlight hard, coming and coming until their vision whites out. They shudder apart on the bed, whining at the ache of over-sensitivity when they hear Liam moan low and ragged.
Silence fills the room, aside from Spencer's noise app, a tremble eking through their fingertips as they ease out of the fleshlight, breathing hard. They listen to Liam slowly move, wiping his hand off, Spencer guesses. Spencer uses the towel they'd spread out to wipe the lube and come off of their dick and they only second-guess themselves for a moment before they slide off of the bed and climb into the bunk above them.
Liam surges against them, barely giving Spencer time to haul themselves over the edge and God, he kisses exactly like Spencer had imagined. Liam bites at Spencer's lips, shirt rucked up and pants still down around his thighs, like he couldn't even be bothered to get naked. Spencer groans, rubbing their naked body against Liam's in a way that makes Liam whine appreciatively.
Liam's hands are firm and gentle where they curl into Spencer's hair, holding them in place so he can flip their positions, pinning Spencer to the bunk firmly. Spencer wraps their arms around Liam, letting the kiss go a little sloppy, a little lazy, just for the pleasure of the want that skitters up their spine.
"You're a goddamned menace," Liam mutters, grinning as he pulls away. Even in the dim light from the window (a streetlight fills the parking lot and their room with a dim, amber light that Spencer sort of loves), Spencer can see his swollen, slick lips and can't resist leaning up to kissing him again.
"And you're not?" Spencer asks, grinning as Liam snorts. Liam hesitates for a moment, yanking his sweats up so they can find a configuration for their limbs that's comfortable. Spencer wraps their arms around Liam's shoulders, holding him close because he can, humming.
"Excuse me, who between us was jerking off below, all performative?"
"Well, you didn't get two years of hints, I had to go drastic!" Spencer says, laughing when Liam's head shoots up and Spencer arches an eyebrow as Liam continues to stare at Spencer.
"Two years?"
"Liam," Spencer says patiently, reaching up to pull him into a soft kiss, "I once held your hand and said I wish that I had a boyfriend like you. I chose to live in the dorms, so we could live together. I switched laundry detergents so you could steal my hoodies."
"I," Liam pauses and when he lays back down, he holds onto Spencer carefully, like he might break them. Spencer shivers, not because they're naked, but because they can see Liam putting it together. "Me?"
"I have a pretty good guess who fucked you up, but sweetheart, I'm yours if you'll have me," Spencer says, rolling Liam onto his back so they can cage him in and kiss him softly and gently. Spencer notes the ways that Liam holds himself taut, like he's processing and it isn't until Spencer pulls away to brush a soft kiss against Liam's jaw that Liam winds his arms around Spencer.
"None of my relationships last 'cause they're not you," Liam confesses as he reaches down, pulling the sheets over them. It blankets them in the scent of Liam's shower gel and shared laundry detergent; leading a shiver over Spencer's body. They shift, onto their side so they can face Liam, kissing him softly.
"I fucking knew you were a big ol' sap," Spencer says, grinning. Liam scoffs, shoving at them and they drift off, Spencer wound around Liam and Liam's fingers gently combing through Spencer's hair, thinking of the best way to wake Liam up in the morning.
(Spencer wakes up first, sinking their mouth down on the cock that is just as gorgeous as they imagined; Liam's hands tangled in their hair as he fucked Spencer's willing mouth. They had taken their time, strolling up to breakfast with the mien of the well-fucked and a raspy voice that made Liam's ears flare pink.
Spencer does their friends the solid by pretending not to notice the money exchanging hands because they're too busy admiring the raspberry colored hickey behind Liam's ear.
It's been two years of wanting, give them a break.)