Chapter Text
Written: August 5th - 8th, 2025
Published: August 12th, 2025
Edited: January 7th, 2026
!Trigger Warning! Mentions of Suicide and Depression. Move to the ⚠️ emoji to skip!
I do not condone suicide in any shape or form, please do not take this fic as inspiration. This is FICTIONAL.
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Watching the news with dead eyes, I exhale loudly. My body being filled with dread on how the world is being handled by the upper class. On how my rights are being stripped away from me bit by bit via the greedy elderly pigs who are in charge. Wanting to turn the working class and poor into slaves so they can live in luxury. "..." A wave of distain and mental exhaustion wraps around my being. I look to my shelf covered in anime figurines and purse my lips, my eyes lingering on my favorite characters.. Eraserhead, Hawks, Bakugo, Shigiraki and All Might from My Hero Academia. I stare at them with longing, wishing I could exist in a mystical world filled with magical powers. Knowing damn well I would min max everything and be the most powerful hero that would slaughter the demon king.. or even become them. I look down to my hands.. contemplating silently as depression weights heavy in my gut like lead and the weight of the world drapes around my shoulders like a sorrowful mother trying to calm her child... and I come to the decision. "Well.. guess it's time.. been putting it off for long enough.. Anime can only do so much.." I exhale again and stand up from my bed, I walk over to my desk and grab a notepad and pen from the drawer.
I scribble down my note onto the paper, detailing as to why I'm ending my life like this.. and what items should go to who in the event of my death.. Basically everything I want to be sold to charities since most of my family is gone. A heavy wave of melancholy wrapping around my shoulders like a weighted blanket, nuzzling into me with a sorrow filled embrace.. but understanding just the same. I've been suicidal since my teen years, but my therapist at the time got me out of it.. but instead of removing the thought pot from the burner.. I put it in the back to simmer. Allowing suicide to be my means to leave once ive completed all I needed to instead of waiting for age or sickness to claim me. I want to go out on MY terms.
I read over the note, going over the details with a fine tooth comb. Making sure I put down EVERYTHING I needed to... I look back up to my figurines that I slaved away at my dead end job for with a heavy heart. Tears grow in my eyes as I sigh through my nose, sniffling them back while looking down to the paper I sign my name with a flourish on the bottom. Confirming my decision to go through with this... I promised myself that should my life genuinely mean nothing and all my loved ones passed before me, I would end it. I only kept living for the sake of my parents mental health and grandparents.. knowing that my death would take a significant toll on them if they were alive.
Standing up from my old beaten up desk, I exit my room and walk towards the storage room that used to be my grandparents bedroom.. finding the gun safe where my grandfather kept all his hunting rifles before he died tucked in the corner covered in a thick layer of dust. I learnt how to clean and maintain his guns, keeping them all in good condition because they're basically all antiques and his prized possessions. I know my grandfather would have appreciated me taking care of his guns. "I'm sorry, pappy.. using them like this.. instead of hunting or defending the home.." I say softly as I grab his favorite rifle, knowing it's strong enough to take down a full grown bull moose.. he's had to kill one before that became rabid and wandered onto our property, threatening our livestock.
I make sure the chamber is empty and clean of obstructions with a nod. Not wanting it to accidentally go off until I want it too or blow my hand up if there was something in the barrel, reaching above the safe I grab the bullets to the gun. Blowing off the layer of dust from the box. Holding the metal bullet in my hand before returning the box to its place. I turn the bullet around in my hand and smile softly, giving the end of it a kiss. I place the bullet in my pocket with an exhale, closing the safe and locking it tight.
The air feels heavy around me and I grimace slightly, feeling as though the ghosts or remnants of my family are watching me with disapproval. "It's.. It's not like I have anything to live for anyways.." I speak up softly as I make my way through the house slowly. "Moms dead.. Dad never even loved me in the first place... Grandparents died.. no lovers EVER so I'm a fuckin virgin.. all my pets died... the only thing I have that's anchoring me to this plane of existence is fucking anime for Christ sakes..." I close my eyes and exhale loudly, the reason I put it off for so long even with all my family gone was because of Anime and anime alone. "but.. it's not enough anymore..... and the capitalistic system that would rather me be alive and miserable so they could suck me dry of every cent my body's worth...." I speak aloud, hoping that my family or any form of deity that's listening understands me. The dark welcoming endless void seems like a better place than fuckin America at this point.
"Slaving away at a job I hate that can barely take care of my bills, let alone fucking feed me... the only reason I have a fucking house in the first place is because I inherited it via generational wealth.." I scowl as I continue talk to the air to air out my grievances, gritting my teeth with frustration. My grip white knuckle tight on the rifle as I walk back to my room.
Grabbing the notebook off of my desk, I exit my room and put it on the center of the kitchen table where it will be seen. I grab my phone from my pocket and dial the non emergency line as I walk outside through the back door. Not wanting to get any blood in my house and inconvenience any bio hazard workers who would of had to clean up my blood from the environment. Plus whoever has the house after I'm gone won't have to deal with tearing up the floors in order to clean up the blood. 'Hello? Non emergency services?' A woman's voice comes in and I sigh as I load the gun with the bullet. My eyes softening as slide it into the chamber.
"Hello.. ah.. I know this is gonna be really heavy for you.. but I'm going to kill myself here in a second." I rest my phone between my shoulder and my head as I slide and click the bullet into the chamber. Fully loading the gun. Being cautious not to touch the trigger since guns in my grandfathers era didn't have any form of safety's. I don't want it to accidentally go off and be forced to go back inside for another bullet. The cops might arrive and stop me.
'Ma'am? Where are you, I can send someone out to you-' The woman's voice is instantly filled with concern, I can hear typing on her end. Calling in the troops then..
"No need to bother with the spiel, ma'am. I've heard it all before... This has been a long time coming anyways.." I exhale as I sit down on the grass on a hill overlooking an overgrown hay field below, looking up at the sky as I rest the rifle beside me on the grass. Telling the woman my address softly. "I live at 3098 West Pine Lane.. Please send someone to collect my remains, I don't wanna be eaten by bears frankly..." Although my body would return to nature as the circle of life intended. "All the information about everything is in the house.. I'm sorry you had to be the one to pick up my call miss, you might wanna move your headphones off. It's gonna get loud here in a second..." I tell the woman with a small smile, not wanting to hurt her ear drums.
'Please miss, there's no need to do this. What's your name?' The woman pleads to me desperately, urging the officers to speed the FUCK up.
"Alyssa Wylld... Ally for short... Remove your headphones please, I'm gonna pull the trigger. I don't want your ears to be hurt.." I set the phone down as I hear the woman begging me to stop. Saying that police are already on the way with an ambulance. I look up to the cloud filled sky with a soft exhale as I put the barrel of the rifle into my mouth. Tasting the remnants of gunpowder on my tongue from past shots fired and the bitter metallic taste of the metal. Hopefully I'll have a better time in my next life.. or eternal rest in the black void. I close my eyes, tears forming in the corners. Forgive me. I take a deep breath and shut my eyes-
⚠️ 👇🏻 TRIGGER SAFE 👇🏻 ⚠️
A light blue soul flutters free from the body, floating upwards and into another plane. Approaching a stream made of stardust that ripples across the vast galaxy it plunks in next to hundreds and thousands of others, other souls, some red, some blue and some a mix between the two bob up and down in the stream. Lazily moving their way to the afterlife, other streams of differing colors can be seen in the distance.. Heading where? no one is sure.
Soon the river of stardust transforms into a babbling brook filled with crystal ear water, the soul of Alyssa bobs up and down as it hits the rocky side of the large clear pool. Other souls bumping beside her as they await collection and storage. The marble filled room almost akin to a throne room is covered in greenery, a serene place. Light shines through a massive hole in the wall where vines and plants of exotic colors peak through.
A dog with wispy white fur stands guard over the pool, laying on a large chunk of marble that used to be an ornate pillar. Cwn Annwn. (Pronounced Quinn Ann-Winn). It looks towards where it's siblings are supposed to come from with a huff of irritation.
In that blink and you'll miss it moment of distraction, a feline made of pure void energy skitters across the floor to the pools. Snatching up the soul of Alyssa in its mouth just as Cwn looks back. "Wait- HALT! YOU DASTARDLY CAT!!" The hound leaps off her rock and sprints after the void cat who snickers. It sprints across the marble that slowly turns from white to black in color, teeth digging into the soul as it slides through a hole small enough for it and it alone. Cwn slams into the black marble wall with a grunt of pain, panting out with frustration and guilt.
The void cat prances with victory of its spoils to its creator who awaits in her grove. A beautiful fluffy white feline with eyes appearing to be the big bang stares down into a pool filled with red souls. A scowl of boredom on her face. "Hm? Got one?" Tiamat comments with a smirk, happy that her puppet was able to collect a soul to feed hopefully herself and her children... Or become one of her children. "Good work." She plucks the soul from the void felines mouth, allowing the beast to merge back into her shadow.
Tiamat holds the soul in her palm, analyzing it with a small smile. Watching the girls entire life and trying to decide which of her children shall earn this soul to play with.. It seems the girl wasn't a sinner in her life.. so she doesn't deserve to be dropped into Dolor or Tims claws.. She looks in her peripheral vision, peering through to a pocket dimension where she spots one of her children, laying bored in his lair and she smirks. Knowing that Sable shall make good work of this girl.
"You have been assigned your newest charge." Timats voice rings out, sounding as if hundreds of people are talking in unison rings out as she enters Sables pocket dimension. A head that appears to be an exact replica of the void black jaguars emerges from her neck fluff. Allowing to speak to her child 'face to face' so to speak.
The void black Jaguar with stars glittering amongst its fur looks up from where he's laying on a rock, bored out of his mind. It's eyes appear to be stars going supernova as they begin their final act before death. "Hm? It has not been long since you last gave me Alexis, mother.." (Twilight Fic, Waning Phase) a globe sits on a shelf with several others, the name Alexis written on a golden plate on the bottom of its stand. Time has passed but the girl isn't quite ready to be transformed just yet.
"I felt this girl could use your.. gentle touch." Tiamat explains with a sliver of compassion. Although she is considered the embodiment of sin and evil.. she is not without heart... On RARE occasion.
"Hm.. I understand." Sable holds out his paw as the soul flutters down from Tiamats maw. He plucks it from the air with greatest care already spotting teeth marks that he mends with a wave, holding it gently in his massive paws. Tiamat nods to her son and disappears back to her realm, leaving him to do his work.
"Oh dear.. I see why she gave you to me and not the others.. poor girl..." He sighs softly with a small smile, petting the soul gently with his paw pads. "Just like Alexis.. Your life cut short before you could experience true love.. by your own hand no less.." The smile turns solemn as he exhales softly, sorrow filling his being. "Worry not child, for I am here now.." he whispers to the soul as he stands up from his resting stone. Holding the soul delicately he moves with grace through his workshop.
He sits on his chair at his work desk, a fresh globe waiting to be filled with the universe he makes. "Let's see now.. show me your greatest desire, my dear.." Peering down into the soul he hums as he watches her entire life. "I understand.. I know just the place." The feline smiles wide with content. "And.. I shall copy my sibling for this one. Hathor knows her way around love it seems." He comments idly as he floats over to an empty book shelf, he reaches out and plucks a book from nowhere. The tome containing all the information on the reality in which he shall make for the girl.. Sable is one of the more.. Versatile of his siblings. He doesn't have a set 'trope' like the others. He's adaptable.
Gliding back to his station he looks down at the title, his eyes shimmering as he understands the contents instantly. "I can work with this..." He smiles warmly as he compares the characters that she likes with the way they act in the story. He spots something and raises a brow, magnifying it he hums with a fond smile. "Ah, you enjoyed Animals greatly I see.. and you liked comics.. I believe I have the perfect ability for you to protect yourself in this new world! That of the 'Beast Boy'! Well, girl in your case." He smirks to the soul idly floating beside him, a small book shoots off the shelf into his awaiting paw.
He grabs the tiny book and pushes it into the soul, allowing all of the information about the ability to absorb. "There we are..." Grabbing the globe he moves it in front of himself with a soft hum. Grabbing the book filled with the worlds information, he allows to to transform into stardust and be sucked into the empty globe that begins to rapidly form a reality. He watches as time moves by within seconds, pausing just before he intends to place her.
"I hope you enjoy your new home and soulmates.. your task, is to simply live.. enjoy your life.. finish your story. Mate with your soulmates and defeat the villain." Plucking her soul up he places her into the newly formed globe, eyes glinting in the light as he watches her awaken and begin her trials..
- Japan - Alyssa POV -
A monstrous headache rams into my skull like invaders attempting to breach a castle with a battering ram. Hissing out in pain I bring a hand up to my head and peak an eye open whining when the blinding light hits my corneas. Im still alive?? FUCK! God damnit. What part of SUICIDE dont they understand?? Selfish fuckin pricks- "Oh, thank God!" An unknown woman sobs out with relief, blinking away the spots from my eyes I look to her with brows furrowed in confusion. Who the FUCK is SHE?? Feeling something touch me, I look down and notice.. my hands are considerably smaller than it was before. I deadpan and stare at my hand silently as my brain computes the data. .......damn, got reborn. I wanted to float around the void for a few thousand years.. or be reincarnated as a house cat.. now THAT would be the life.
"That bitch is gonna FUCKING pay." My eyes snap up as I see a man in a suit gritting his teeth, an alligators bellow coming from his throat. Oh.. my ears must not be working right- is there a TV on with a nature documentary??
"Akari is alright, that's all that matters right now. We'll deal with her later." The woman says with stern eyes to the man and I continue to stare at them. What.. I.. Blinking as I take the woman in. damn that was quick. I mentally chuckle as I look at the woman who I assume is my mother?? Didn't expect to be thrown into another life so soon- and oh SHIT, with my memories intact? Poggers. Let's fucking go! I smile and the woman exhales shakily, kissing my hand with love. "You worried your Okaa-saan, my little bamboo shoot.." ...oh, I'm in Japan? ENDLESS ACCESS TO ANIME!!! LETS GOOO!!! YAOI FILLED BOOKSHELF HERE I COME!!! I mentally squee with excitement.
I open my mouth to respond. "Whaa.." My brows furrow in confusion, my tongue feeling like lead in my mouth. Difficult to move and articulate with the mastery I had on my last life. The door to the room opens and a woman dressed in a white coat steps inside with a friendly smile. hospital? Damn.
"Hello Mister and Miss Kobayashi." Ayy dragon maid! The woman bows in greeting as she grabs the chart while looking at my vitals. Oh GREAT, what happened to me? And why wasnt I burst from my mom's vagina like a chest burster? Not that I'm COMPLAINING- I'm just curious why I got fast traveled to whatever age I am now. "Hm, seems to be looking good!" She says happily making my mother exhale in relief.
"There's no brain damage or anything that could effect her long term?" My father says as he steps forward with hardened eyes. Brain damage?? Just what in the cinnamon toast FUCK happened to me?? I stare at the man, my eyes flicking to the doctor as she steps towards me. Chop chop doctor lady! How fucked am I from a scale of one to Sasha Grey??
"We'll need to redo her scans, but from what I can see so far, it's looking good!" The doctor leans down and holds a pen light. "Follow the light, Akari-chan~" she coos out to me as I keep my head still and follow the light with my eyes. Deadpanning at the woman and her baby voice. "Mhm. Good!" She clicks the pen light off and turns to my new parents. "Depending on her results she'll be able to go home today no doubt!" I huff with irritation wanting explanations for what happened to me. "I'll schedule her scan right away!"
- Fast Forward - Few Hours Later -
Sitting in a pink car seat with a scowl on my face, a bandage wrapped around my head. I cross my arms with a huff when my mother buckles me in. Unable to see out the window due to how small I am. "Let's get headed home, Akari-chan." She coos to me with a smile on her face, kissing my forehead. I've learned from peaking at my chart while we were getting ready to leave, that I'm four years old. Ugh. Childhood 2 electric boogaloo..
"Okaa-saan.. what happened to me..?" I ask the woman as she slides in the passenger seat, she freezes with a look of worry. Dang, now I gotta have to get used to a whole new etiquette style..
"You don't remember, my little bamboo shoot?" I shake my head no and she purses her lips with concern.
"The doctor did say memory loss and personality changes are common with severe head injuries.." My father explains to his wife with a soft voice, holding her hand in his while he drives. My mother looks to me and bites her lip in contemplation before speaking.
"Well.. Your nanny.. she.. drank something she wasn't supposed to.. and dropped you on your head when you were asleep." My eyes widen in shock, jaw dropping. The BALLS of that bitch! Drinking on the job?? What the fuck man?
"She's a bad nanny then." I say with a huff and my mother chuckles slightly, tears growing in her eyes.
"I've already reported her to the company we used and she's been removed. I'm going to press charges." He looks to his wife who nods her head with a soft sigh. The man scowling in rage as he drives, grip firm on the wheel.
"Okaa-saan will be watching you till a new nanny can come, okay?" She looks behind and smiles to me, I nod my head to her.
"Okay.." I rest my head on the seat with a soft sigh.