Chapter Text
Izuku’s still in the hero course. Despite everything, or maybe because of it, no one has had the heart to tell him to leave.
The embers are another reason too, of course. But Izuku wishes he knew his time limit. Is it when his power runs out? Is it when it gets too weak to fight against his classmates? Is it the first time he fails at an exam? An exercise?
He feels like everyone is looking at him, trying to catch him in a mistake.
He wants to ask them about it, he really does, but it’s too self-centered.
After all the trouble he caused. After killing Shi-
Rebuilding hero society is what he should focus on. He has to act happy, be supportive.
He has to keep his fragile hold on the embers that he has, but it’s slipping-
His quirk cuts out in the middle of carrying an unusable bathtub to the disposal site. He tries to hold it, but his hands are slippery with the sweat working all day and he’s going to drop it on Mineta who’s walking just a few steps in front of him-
Before he loses his hold completely he manages to change its trajectory and it lands on his foot instead. He feels a sharp stab of pain and has to bite his lip to hold back a yelp, but it didn’t hit anyone else.
He leans on his knees, gasping.
“Midoriya! Are you okay?” Mineta asks, rushing to his side.
“Y-yes.” Izuku says, feeling a stab of irritation at how shaky his voice sounds. It’s a bathtub. He was taken out by a bathtub.
“Are you sure? I think I heard something crunch down there. I hope you’re not hiding things again! The last time-“
“I’m fine, Mineta.” He says, more coldly than he meant to. He forces a smile. “Just a little quirk mishap.”
“If you say so…”
It was just a little mishap. His quirk works fine after that, a little weak, a little less full, but that has become normal over the last few weeks.
Mineta doesn’t talk to him about it again, but Aizawa sends him to Recovery Girl as soon as they arrive back on Campus, so Izuku assumes he must’ve told him.
Weak. Helpless. That’s how they see you now.
“Deku!” He hears on his way there, and it isn’t Uraraka. “You’re Deku, right?” A boy asks, probably a first year if his exited smile is anything to go by. “Oh man, I’m so glad I ran into you! Can you sign my notebook?”
He smiles at Izuku, holding out a pen and an open notebook. Izuku freezes for a second, but forces a smile and does as he’s asked, like he always does when he meets people like this.
The boy closes the notebook with a cheery ‘thank you’ and Izuku’s heart drops when he sees his own powered-up form on the cover. It hasn’t even been a month since the league was defeated, All Might was -
and Shigaraki died — although he suspects most people don’t care about that — and people are selling hero merch again? And for him of all people?
A second-year hero student soon to be a dropout?
He thanks him for his support and leaves.
Fortunately, he doesn’t run into anyone else.
“Your foot is fractured.” Recovery girl says, sighing. “You shouldn’t have been walking around on it.”
“Oh.” He says eloquently, even though he wouldn’t have acted any differently if he had known.
She moves in her chair and takes out a small package of gummies. “Here.” She hands them to him. “Eat these first. You don’t have enough energy for a healing session.”
He eats them, even if they aren’t accounted for in the All American Dream Plan. He’s sure All Might would understand, but they sit heavy in his stomach after a day of skipping meals in favor of working hard.
Recovery girl kisses him and sends him on his way with a stern, “I better not see you here again soon, sonnie.” that she probably doesn’t believe in either.
Izuku feels weak and sluggish, but he was telling the truth when he told Recovery Girl he wouldn’t pass out on his way to the dorms. He’ll probably pass out the moment he is within the safety of his own four walls, but Recovery Girl didn’t have to know that.
There’s a hangout in 2B, so most of his classmates aren’t around. Uraraka, Mineta, Todoroki and Iida have stuck around, though, to make sure he’s okay, but he tells them to go and have fun.
“I’m fine.” He says for what feels like the hundredth time. “Just need some rest after the healing session.”
“Alright. But be sure to tell us if anything is amiss! It is no trouble to come back if-“
“Iida.” Izuku says with a hand on the other’s arm. “I’ll be okay.”
He smiles at them, hoping it doesn’t look as strained as it feels. He really needs to sleep.
It seems to do the trick and they leave.
Izuku hurries to his dorm room — as much as someone barely able to see what’s in front of him can hurry — and falls face first on his bed.
So comfy.
He snuggles into his All Might pillow without feeling the urge to cry for once and lets the weight of sleep settle over him. Sleep hasn’t felt this comforting in a long while, he thinks, just as he feels a prick on his neck.
What… He thinks dazedly, lifting an arm to his neck. It burns, like hot liquid spreading in his neck. His arm feels heavy and uncoordinated. Did something bite-
“Shhhh.” Someone says, but he can barely hear it over the buzzing sound in his ears. “It’ll be okay. I…”
He doesn’t hear or see anything else as everything goes black.
It’s a moment later that he wakes up.
What happened? He thinks, Why am I awake? Didn’t Recovery Girl-?
Then he hears humming. What? Is there someone in his room? It’s the classic All Might theme song, he notes distantly as he tries to move his body to check. His limbs feels heavy, in a different way from how Recover Girl’s quirk usually makes them feel. It’s as if his body was still asleep, even though his mind was screaming at him that a foreign voice in his room wasn’t a good thing.
His body barely moves and he lets out an unintentional gurgled sound.
The humming stops. “Oh you’re awake!” The voice says, and Izuku realizes that it isn’t as unfamiliar as he thought. He still can’t turn his head enough to check who it is. He feels a faraway touch on his face and the stranger tilts his head just enough for Izuku to see him. “Do you remember me? We just met.”
It’s the excited first-year from before, standing right in front of Izuku’s All Might posters. This is his room, right? This kid is in his room. Why is this kid in his room?
“I’m Shōen Kaito.” He says with a smile. “And I’m your biggest fan.”
Okay. This is weird, Izuku thinks, but it might be normal for heroes. Some fans get overly enthusiastic – take Izuku for example, he jumped All Might and clung to him (his feelings are too distant to cringe at that) just to ask him a question. And this kid probably didn’t have great manners either if he comes to his room to talk to him, but it isn’t too different. They’re basically roommates, like all UA students are.
As a hero student, Izuku should be as friendly as he can, like All Might would.
“H-hi, Kaito.” Izuku croaks out, mouth working more slowly than he’s used to. Kaito lights up at his words. “Thank you for your support, but I feel very tired now.” He speaks slowly, words sounding slightly slurred. God, Recovery Girl really did a number on him this time, didn’t she? He has to sleep. “Maybe we could talk later?”
Kaito’s face falls slightly and he shakes his head sadly. “I’m sorry, but this is our only chance. You know? With no one around.” His voice goes deeper and he smiles, again, but this time it looks a lot more sinister to Izuku’s eyes.
Izuku registers distantly that if this really wasn’t a dream, this could turn out really badly. His panic is distant too, but it is ever-growing in its intensity. Wake up. Izuku tells his mind and his body. Something’s wrong.
“Wh-what do you want?” Izuku asks.
The boy doesn’t answer. He takes out his phone and turns on the All Might theme music he was humming before. “To set the mood, you know?” It’s upbeat and loud enough to cover the sound of their voices should anyone come back early. And it’s something that Izuku would listen to.
“For what?“ Izuku tries to move again, and it works better this time in the sense that he can feel his arm move. But, Izuku realizes, he can’t lift it at all. “What?” He mutters as he finally takes in his stretched out left arm. There’s something metallic right at the edge of his bed, covering his wrist. He tries to lift it again with more force, but it barely budges. He feels a strain in his other wrist and as he turns his head towards the wall, he realizes that his other wrist is in a similar position. They’re handcuffs, he realizes with dawning horror, my arms are handcuffed together around the bed.
He tries to move his legs next, to kick out, but they won’t move. Okay. Okay. So he’s tied to his bed. Not a big deal. He just has to stay calm and analyze the situation.
“Why am I handcuffed?” He asks, looking at Kaito once more. He’s scrolling on his phone with a bottle of something in his hand.
He glances up briefly. “Well, I wasn’t sure if you would’ve wanted this otherwise.”
“Wanted what?” Kaito doesn’t answer.
Izuku takes a deep breath and observes the younger boy. He has dark red hair and red eyes, and it seems to be his natural hair color. His uniform cuffs look charred, slightly, so he probably has a fire quirk of some sort. The burnt fabric indicates a lack of control over it, though. He is broad, probably working out regularly, and tall, taller than Izuku, but he doesn’t have a strength quirk. Izuku wouldn’t even have to use it, though. He could use blackwhip to restrain his hands and prevent quirk usage while he uses his strength quirk to break the (probably) metallic cuffs. It’d wreck the bed, but at this point, Kaito seems like a legitimate threat. A crazy fan taking things too far? It’s probably out of desperation; maybe he lost too much in the war and misguidedly latched onto the first person the media portrayed in a positive light. Once he calms Kaito down, he’ll ask Aizawa-sensei about the counselor appointments he told them about.
“Okay!” Kaito says excitedly. “Got it.” He props his phone up on his desk with a few of Izuku’s books, camera pointed right at the bed. Is- is he recording this? That’s creepy, but at least the loud music is gone-
He takes out another phone and turns on the same All Might theme song.
“Kaito.” Izuku says as Kaito approaches him. “Whatever you’re planning, you can still stop.”
“I’m sorry, but I need this. Just this once, ‘kay?”
“Just this once what?” Izuku asks but Kaito ignores him, instead moving directly behind him out of his field of vision.
“And I’m sure you’ll realise that you want this too.”
The moment he hears a rushing sound and feels a heat behind him, Izuku decides that it’s too late to talk Kaito out of it.
He decides to free his legs first and kick away the fired up hands at his back. As he moves to power up his quirk, though, he feels… nothing. A flash of panic, stronger than anything before hits him.
Is…Is One For All gone? Has he used it all up? Has it left now when-
He feels a faint buzzing beneath his skin, muted and distant, but it’s there. His quirk. It isn’t gone.
His relief is overshadowed by the sensation if something warm right at his back.
“What did you do to my quirk?” He asks, much angrier than he was before.
(He tries to ignore the fear rising in his throat at the realisation that without his quirk he has no way of freeing himself.)
“Oh.” Kaito stops in his movements and shifts on the bed — when did he get on? “I mixed a quirk suppressant with propofol. I wasn’t sure if it’d work on a quirk as strong as yours, but it seems to work really well. Did you try to use it just now?” He sounds delighted. “It’s illegal to use sedatives or quirk suppressants on villains, you know? One wrong move and it could paralyse them.” He must’ve seen Izuku’s horrified expression, for he adds, “Don’t worry! I measured everything out really well for you. You’re able to move and feel things too! And I’m going to make you feel good.”
“What do you-“
He’s cut off by the scorching sensation of fire at his back. He lets out a surprised yell.
“Sorry, sorry, I can’t control it too well.”
The smell of burning fabric — his thick hero costume undershirt, his mind supplies, I fell asleep in that — reaches his nose, and he can feel the fire travel up his back, mostly burning his shirt, but stinging his back a few times. Once it’s close to his neck and Izuku has images of his hair lighting on fire and dying pathetic and helpless, Kaito pats the fire out.
“Nice, nice.” He says, removing the torn pieces of Izuku’s shirt.
Is he going to burn him? Burn something in his back?
Is this kid truly his fan, or a brainwashed villain instructed to kill him?
Izuku tries pulling at the cuffs again, but it’s no use. All it does is hurt his wrists and ankles.
He freezes when Kaito starts touching his back. Stroking might be a better description. He’s being gentle and his warm hands aren’t burning anymore, but his warm hands still leave shivers behind as they move up and down different parts of his back. Izuku almost prefers it when his hands touch the blistering spots his fire quirk left behind, because those, at least, feel more predictable. The burn stings less than the phantom shivers his nimble fingers leave behind.
“What…” Izuku asks again, once he’s managed to draw himself out of his frozen stupor, moving against his restraints. “W-What are you doing?”
“Searching your body.” Kaito says, running his fingers down his spine again.
“W-what?” Izuku asks, voice higher than he’d like. “What does that-“
The words die in his throat at a wet sensation on his shoulder. He feels the weight on his back increase as Kaito reaches over him to reach the other side too.
“So soft. Your skin is so soft.”
He jumps at further wetness on his back, this time accompanied by a wet noise that turns his stomach. Then it doesn’t move away, it stays and tightens over his skin as Kaito sinks his teeth into Izuku’s shoulder.
Is… is he kissing him?!
Izuku tries to move again, tries to move away, bug with Kaito’s weight on top of him and all of his limbs tied down, the most he can do is move his next slightly to the right when he feels Kaito’s breath on it.
“Shhh.” Kaito says gently. “I’ll make you like it.”
“I don’t.” Izuku says, more quietly. “I don’t like it, Kaito. I don’t want to-“
He’s cut off by an unpredictable sucking sensation on his neck, moving up and down. He wants to move away, he really does, but he can’t.
As with many things, Izuku tries to rationalize it. Kaito is a crazy fan, and he wants to be close to him. He’ll touch him a little, a few bites and strokes, and then he’ll stop. A few more bites and it’ll be over.
Izuku tries to distance himself from it, tries to get used to it, but even Kaito’s movements aren’t enough to predict where exactly he’ll place his mouth next. The bed creaks beneath his more aggressive, more hungry bites, and yet Izuku can never know where exactly they’ll land.
He curses himself as his eyes start stinging.
It’s just a few bites. He tells himself. Don’t be such a baby. It’ll be over soon.
But it isn’t. Kaito seems to take endless pleasure in ‘searching’ every part of Izuku’s body.
At some point, he burns away his pants too, leaving Izuku in nothing but his boxers. He feels even more exposed than before and he can’t move away; he can’t cover himself with a blanket or turn away to protect parts of his body.
He’s helpless.
“You’re beautiful.” Kaito breathes, sounding giddy. He grabs his thighs and Izuku bites his teeth as his fingers dig into them. “So muscular.” He says, as if Izuku was a piece of meat.
He follows it up with a few more bites to his lower body. It’s slow again.
Too slow. Everything Kaito does is too slow. It makes Izuku want to scream out in frustration. It’s as if the unbearable scraping of sound of plates was playing on his own body, with no end in sight. Any time, Kaito pauses, Izuku hopes it’s over, but he always gets back into it.
Izuku doesn’t get used to it, but he learns to expect his touches and brace every part of his body for the next one. This is nothing, he reminds himself often, it doesn’t even hurt.
When Kaito finally gets off the bed, Izuku allows himself a sigh of relief.
When he hears Kaito start to undress, though, renewed dread fills his stomach.
He can’t… He can’t really be-
“K-kaito, wh-what are you doing?” Izuku says, hating the way his voice shakes. “Please, this was enough. I p-promise I won’t tell anyone. Just stop, okay?”
“It’s okay.” Kaito says, completely ignoring what he said. “I’ll make it beautiful for us.”
Izuku turns his head towards the other boy’s voice, as much as he can.
“No.”His heart drops further when he sees him completely naked, applying some sort of clear fluid to his penis.
He’s hard.
Izuku’s stomach turns.
“This should do!” Kaito says cheerfully applying one last round of the cream. He turns to Izuku, almost apologetically. “I’ve never done this before, but I promise I will try my best for you, Deku!”
He turns on his quirk again and places a flaming finger against the band in the middle of Izuku’s shorts, letting it burn away. Izuku lets out a muffled scream into his pillow at the sensation. These burns hurt more than the other ones, most-likely because of the thight-fitting fabric, and he’s sure some of it is seared into his skin.
Kaito stops just before the burn can reach his private parts and tears the rest of the fabric away.
“They’re so thicc.” He says as he grips at Izuku’s buttocks, and Izuku wants to throw up.
“No.” He whispers. Then more loudly, “No! Kaito. Please, stop this.” He tries to move his body away, but Kaito’s bare knees are digging into his legs and his body is still too slow to react.
“It’s okay.” He says. “I love you.” His voice is sickening, filled with a kind of emotion Izuku has never heard before. It isn’t love, it’s-
“I could eat you up.” Kaito says as something wet dragged across him again, lower this time. It’s hunger.
“No!” Izuku keeps struggling, trying to clench his buttcheeks, trying to prevent Kaito from putting his… his thing wherever he people usually put it on men. It’s the buttocks probably, but Izuku hasn’t had much time to think about sex, and the occasional search he’s done on the internet has always been between a man and a woman. It is the buttocks, Izuku realizes when he feels Kaito push his legs and cheeks apart further, placing his member at the base of Izuku’s asscheeks.
He moves his hands to Izuku’s hips as he shoves.
It isn’t particularly hard, but Izuku screams anyway. “No!” He says, desperately. “Stop! Please, Kaito.”
Kaito isn’t listening to him. “No, that’s not right.” He mutters to himself. “That was the wrong place. Harder too…”
He leans forward, stroking Izuku’s hair and whispering, “I’m sorry, baby. This is going to hurt. You’re very tight.” Kaito doesn’t sound like he truly knows what those words mean and Izuku doesn’t know either, but he really doesn’t want Kaito to try again.
“Kaito-“
He cuts himself off at another shove. Kaito keeps switching positions, keeps pushing painfully against Izuku’s ass, and Izuku can’t tell if he’s found the right position, but it burns, stings and tears him apart so much that he wishes more than anything that it would all just stop and go away. He would give anything. He doesn’t know what he’s saying, but he thinks he’s pleading with Kaito to stop, saying he would do anything to make him stop.
Move!
Move, Izuku!
Move!
Don’t let him control you like this.
But it doesn’t work. Izuku can’t do anything to move away. It only makes it hurt more. And Kaito doesn’t even notice; he seems to be enjoying himself, calling him ‘baby’ and ‘beautiful’, telling him he’s doing a good job when he doesn’t want to be doing anything.
How can you become a hero, if-
To his horror, he starts feeling a warm, tingling sensation in his stomach. He doesn’t know when or what Kaito did, but he can feel it, the kind of pleasure he got from those internet searches, and he… he doesn’t know why. But it’s undeniable when his own penis starts to rise.
No… he thinks. This can’t- He’s not enjoying this.
It doesn’t take long for Kaito to notice. “Oh, baby!” He says in delight. “I knew you would like it!”
“N-no… I…”
“Oh don’t be shy, it’s okay.”
And then Kaito keeps going. He wraps his arm around Izuku’s shame and keeps going.
Izuku buries his face further in his pillow, unsure who he’s hiding from, but knowing that he needs to hide.
This can’t be normal. It can’t be normal that he’s enjoying this. Something must be wrong with his body, with him.
“I think I’m cuming!” Kaito says loudly, voice full of giddiness and pleasure. Izuku blocks out Kaito’s voice and tries to ignore all sensations, but he feels the rising, spewing monster that is Kaito’s penis stain deep inside of him. It hurts, it’s too big, and Kaito mentioned blood before, so he’s sure some of the fluids are blood, but his body keeps sending all the wrong signals to his stomach. All the warmth and tingly tension, all the pleasure, feel so out of place that it makes him sick.
He hates it.
Izuku hates his body.
At some point Kaito unties him. He removes the cuffs, but Izuku doesn’t move. He’s being gentle again, whispering sweet words into his ears.
“This was great.” He says. “Thank you.” He places one last kiss on Izuku’s head and leaves without another word.
He doesn’t know how long he keeps lying there, naked, curled up in a ball, all sorts of fluids dripping down his legs, but it must not be long until there’s a knock on his door. Izuku tenses. “Midoriya?” Monoma’s voice says. “Are you in here?”
His door… It probably isn’t locked. Kaito couldn’t have locked it. There are torn clothes all over the room and he- he’s not wearing anything-
The horror of that thought is enough to jolt him awake.
“Y-yes!” Izuku yells, getting up quickly and painfully limping towards the door.
“Did you just lock the door?” Another voice says flatly. Shinso.
“One second!” Izuku yells. He can’t just tell them to leave when they’ve heard his voice already. He gathers his torn clothes quickly and turns over his blanket on top of them. Then he wraps a bathrobe around himself. It’s long and big enough to cover his wrists, but he has to put on socks and a scarf to hide the marks on his ankles and throat.
He feels exposed, still, like this, but that’s the only excuse he can think of.
“What is that?” Monoma asks the moment he sees him, lips curling in disgust.
“Wh-what?” Monoma gives his bathrobe a pointed look. “Oh, that’s Endevor’s limited edition-“
“It looks monstrous.” It isn’t, but Izuku’s too tired to argue. He wraps his arms around his chest, making sure that the bathrobe covers all of him.
“Who was that?” Shinso asks. “That guy who just left?”
Izuku’s heart jumps to his throat. “Wh-who?”
“Red-hair, red-eyes. Too happy to be anything but a first-year. Said he’s your friend.”
“O-oh that’s Kaito. He’s a fan.”
I’m your biggest fan!
Izuku suppresses a wince at the memory.
“Anyway,” Monoma says casually, giving Izuku’s scarf an odd look. “Uraraka told us your quirk’s disappearing and you might want to join our club.”
Izuku feels a stab of betrayal at Uraraka going around telling people that, but then he reminds himself that the loss of his quirk is inevitable and warning people is better than having them lose faith in him all at once.
“What kind of club?”
Shinso smirks. “The capture-scarf-club. I already asked Aizawa-sensei and he said he’d be fine with teaching more people.”
Izuku gives Monoma a questioning look. He seems to understand his question and sighs dramatically, “I can copy flashy quirks too, but it never hurts to be prepared.”
It’s such a nice offer. Izuku really appreciates it, but-
“That’s… I’m very grateful that you considered me, guys, but I don’t think I’ll be able to be a hero when I lose my quirk. Being quirkless is different from having a non-physical quirk.” He shrugs, wincing at the pain the friction against his burns causes.
“That’s just dumb.” Monoma says, crossing his arms. “You were born quirkless, right?” Izuku nods, although Monoma seems to know the answer already. “You’re just repeating whatever bullshit people told you in the past.”
“But-“
“Look, some people have quirks that give them analysis skills, and from what I heard, you already trained that. Others have weak super-strength, something you can do with muscles.” So muscular. “Quirks are cool, sure, but you can make up for them. Like Shinso and I will in the sacred capture-scarf-club.” He nods at Shinso solemnly. Shinso just stares back at him flatly. “But, if you just want to give up and believe in bullshit, then suit yourself.”
He… he does want to become a hero. Monoma’s words are kind and encouraging, even if they don’t sound like that, but Izuku doesn’t think he can do much quirkless — he couldn’t even fight back against a first year with the most powerful quirk in existence, how could he fight actual villains without his quirk?
But Izuku also doesn’t want to waste this opportunity to learn something new. And he’s tired. He doesn’t want to have to think about this any longer, so he just says, “Alright. When do you guys train?”
“First session’s tomorrow after we’re back. At 5. Ground beta.”
“I’ll meet you there!”
As soon as they leave, Izuku gathers all his torn, dirty into a trash can. He wants nothing more than to lie down and not think about anything, but Monoma and Shinso reminded him that people could come by any minute and he doesn’t want any evidence of what happened.
The trash bag goes into his bottom drawer for now, under a bag of actual paper trash to avoid people investigating further. It’s the best solution Izuku can think of; he can’t just throw them into the trash outside, what if someone sees? What if someone stops him on the way there? Even if he covers it up with other trash, what if someone with enhanced smell asks him about what he did? What did he even do-
He’s moving slowly, because his entire body aches. His…genital area hurts at every small movement, and just as Kaito’s actions were unpredictable, the movements that would cause the most pain catches him just as off guard. He has to bite back several screams of frustration as he bends forward to clean up disgusting mixtures of blood and sticky fluid at stabs in his stomach.
Him moving around also causes more liquid to run down his leg, and Izuku can barely keep himself from not hitting the wall when he realizes he got the floor dirty again. He puts on some boxer shorts that make him feel simultaneously less exposed and more disgusting, and cleans those up as well. His bed sheets go into the bag of torn clothing, inverted and covering everything else, so that if anyone were to find them in his room, there’d be little cause for suspicion. Some of the blood bled through to his mattress, and at this point Izuku is too tired to hold back his tears as he scrubs it clean.
It’s not just his lower side, everything hurts. His arms. His back. The stupid burns and bites all over his body. Most of the pain is minimal compared to broken bones or decayed arms, but it makes him want to cry more. It makes him want to cry for the small pains that remind him of the horrible sensations they caused and cry for being so affected by them in the first place.
Once he’s done, he finally makes that trip to the shower. He’s getting more used to walking now, he thinks. If he’s taking rhythmic steps, the stab of pain from under him remains more or less the same, and he’s happy for the small semblance of control he gets to have over it.
No one’s around yet, and he couldn’t be more happy about that. He sets his clothing on top of the shower wall and closes the curtain. The gap at the edge of the curtain bothers him more than it usually would and he spends a minute trying to cover it up. In the end, he just decides to be quick about it.
As he starts cleaning himself, he realizes that a simple cleaning won’t be enough. There’s so much dirt deep within himself, and in order to get it out, he can’t be gentle, even if it hurts. He opens the shower head as much as possible and directs it towards his most painful area, letting it hit and burn while he covers his mouth with a hand to muffle his scream. He then uses his other hand to scrub himself out with a generous helping of shower gel, ignoring the horrible sting as much as possible in favor of getting it all out.
He does this over and over again, feeling tears of frustration and shame well up in his eyes when he realizes the feeling just won’t get any better. It still feels like there’s something stuck down there, and he keeps scrubbing until the water on the tiles mixes with fresh streams of blood. He doesn’t care about that, he just needs to, he needs to get this out of himself-
“Izuku?” The voice makes him freeze. “Is that you?”
There’s only one person at the school who calls him that. Izuku hold the curtain to the shower wall and quenches the irrational fear that Kacchan would throw open the curtains any second now. He takes a deep breath and swallows his previous tears, trying to sound as cheerful as possible as he says, “Y-yes!
“I thought you were close to fucking comatose after the healing hag. Why aren’t you sleeping?” He walks closer to the shower stalls, and Izuku freezes, but Kacchan simply steps behind the curtains in the stall next to him. He exhales and gets back to his own showering as soon as he hears Kacchan turn the water on.
“I t-tried. But I realized I was too sweaty.” He can hear Kacchan scoff.
“Only you’d forget showering first, nerd.”
This feels wrong. Taking a shower with Kacchan right next to him, just a few steps away from seeing him, feels wrong. He doesn’t think Kacchan wants to do anything like Kaito, but he can feel a shiver run down his spine despite the scorching hot water (even hotter than Kaito’s warm hands) at the panicked thought of maybe he would, I know too little about this stuff to know. He pushes that thought down. His quirk is closer to the surface now, Kacchan doesn’t have any suppressants or sedatives and in the first place, Kacchan is his friend, he wouldn’t do something like that, it’s insulting to even consider-
He swallows his thoughts as best as possible.
“Did… did you guys finish? Is e-everyone back already?”
He curses his voice for sounding so nervous, so shaky, so weak.
Kacchan scoffs again, “Nah. I’m the only person with a reasonable fucking sleep schedule.” If only Kacchan got back already, it’s probably around 8 pm.
Izuku lets out a tense chuckle. He starts up his scrubbing again, moving to other areas of his body, even if his lower body doesn’t feel even remotely cleaned out. The small pieces of fabric that were seared into his cheeks have loosened up enough in his previous scrubbing to be washed away with a single round of shower gel. He cleans the rest of his burns with it too, uncaring of all the knowledge he has on how putting soap into fresh wounds can be hamful — cleaning away Kaito’s mouth is more important. He manages to hold back most of his hisses, but one escapes and of course Kacchan notices.
“Nerd? Did you turn the heat up too much or are you bleeding to death right now?”
“N-no in-injuries!” Izuku says in the least convincing way possible, turning the shower off and drying himself off as quickly as possible. He just finished to put on his sweat pants when he hears Kacchan step out of the shower. He exhales again when he hears him walk towards the locker room where they usually change. He quickly puts on his black turtleneck, hoping it really covers everything, and moves out of the showers too, trying to ignore the pain of walking, and the discomfort of his clothes sticking to his half-dried skin.
Unfortunately, the only way out is through the locker room, and it’s much harder to just walk past and ignore Kacchan than it is to leave through another door.
Kacchan is drying his hair with his towel and his body is completely exposed, including his- just like Kaito’s -
He feels a jolt of panic and disgust run through him, and he stops in his steps.
Stop it. You can’t react like this to every penis you see. You’re around guys who change clothes all the time. Stop being a baby and move.
“Your okay?” Kacchan asks, startling Izuku.
Izuku must’ve been really creepy, freezing up and staring at Kacchan. He turns away and flushes, “Y-yes.”
Kacchan changes the topic, not blissfully, because this topic isn’t much better. “Why did you change in there?” His eyes narrow at Izuku, “You’re not hiding fucking injuries again, are you?”
“N-no. I don’t do that anymore, Kacchan.” Izuku says, and he believes it too, even if his current injuries probably make him a hypocrite. But, he points out to himself, those injuries are different. Injuries from things like this aren’t injuries you show anyone. They are private.
Kacchan lets out a bitter chuckle. “Grape idiot said you were hiding a broken foot,” Kacchan ignores Izuku’s indignant correction of ‘fractured!’ and keeps going, “just today. That’s still fucking hiding stuff, nerd. Hope you’re not hiding a broken arm or something.” He crosses his arms and stares Izuku down. By now he’s wearing pants, fortunately, but the stare still makes Izuku unreasonably uncomfortable.
“N-no, I’m not! Besides, the foot thing was only because I wanted to keep working, I would’ve gone to Recovery Girl when I got back.” His indignation keeps his voice more steady and he’s happy about that.
“Sure, whatever you say, Izuku.”
Kacchan doesn’t believe him. Of course Kacchan wouldn’t believe he can take care of himself now that he’s losing his quirk and let Kaito-
Stop thinking about it. It’s over. It was nothing.
“I’m going to bed now.” Izuku says, not even bothering to hide his sulky voice.
“Don’t slip on the other broken foot you’re hiding.” Kacchan yells after him. Asshole.
His annoyance helped him ignore the pain for a few seconds, but once he’s outside he has to slow his pace again.
He hates it. He knew this wouldn’t be fixed by a shower, but somehow he still hoped for more.
He hasn’t looked over his full body yet, and he doesn’t plan on doing it any time soon. The bites are small and will hopefully be gone by next week. His turtleneck covers them all, and his wrists too, but it feels too tight; he hates the way it’s touching his skin. Still, even after he locked his door, closed the curtains and checked every area someone could hide in in his room, he still didn’t want to expose his injuries.
They feel wrong, seeing them feels wrong and reminds him of Kaito’s breath and saliva on his skin- it reminds him of painful shoves and horribly sweet words. Showing the injuries to himself, just knowing that they are visible, feels wrong, and he can’t do that even in favor of feeling more comfortable in his skin.
He tries to fall asleep, but despite the Recovery Girl induced exhaustion and the adrenaline that has to have worn off by now, he can’t. He keeps flashing back to moments of what Kaito said or did, feeling his phantom touches on his skin, hearing his breaths behind himself, so much that he has to turn on the lights to check that he isn’t there.
He keeps thinking about it, about what he could’ve done differently.
In the first place, Kaito must’ve sneaked into his room when he wasn’t here. Why didn’t he lock his door? Or Kaito could’ve come in after he got back, again, because Izuku was too stupid to lock his damn door.
And then Izuku just passed out, without checking if any threats were around. After everything he should’ve been more cautious, been more aware. They’ve all been through a whole entire war, and he, the supposed symbol of hope, let himself be taken down by a first-year hero student.
He should’ve realized what was going on sooner. Most of the time he was frozen up, just stupidly repeating what Kaito said when he could’ve thought of a way to talk Kaito out of it. But he didn’t even realize what was going on, and his lack of understanding is mortifying. And god, Kaito even has a video of it, he realizes with growing horror. He hasn’t said anything about posting it or sending it to his friends, but just the fact that it exists makes him feel exposed, humiliated. There’s a video of him acting all stupid and barely fighting back as Kaito does whatever he wants with him. There’s a video of him naked, shivering and exposed, crying at the smallest of touches.
He wasn’t even really yelling at Kaito, he realizes, all he did was cry and plead with him. Izuku wasn’t acting like a hero student at all. He sniffles and takes a few deep breaths to calm himself.
It’s fine.
It could’ve been much worse. He could’ve been kidnapped, tortured or even killed, and he would’ve been powerless to do anything, tied up and drugged as he was. He was lucky.
Somehow, even thinking that feels wrong, even though, objectively, nothing really happened.
So why, Izuku screams inside his head, why can’t he stop replaying Kaito’s words in his head? Something must be very wrong with him if a normal teenage experience shakes him up this much.
Boys do this all the time, he thinks, to experiment. He heard Sero and Kaminari joke about it once in the locker room after practical heroics. This is all a normal thing to do and sometimes, sometimes people do it rough and it leaves you with minor injuries.
So it’s fine, he just needs to stop thinking about it.
You’re beautiful.
He hits his bedside table in frustration, hissing at the way it hurt his already bruised wrist. But it helped, didn’t it? For the few seconds, he was too distracted by the pain to think about anything else.
So muscular.
He hits the table again, hard, uncaring of the pain it causes — he might even welcome it — and does it again. And again, putting all of his frustration with himself into it.
It helps. The pain is a distraction. It makes him forget about the bite marks and burns that make his shirt stick to his skin; it makes him forget about the stinging, burning ever-present reminder between his legs.
The throbbing in his arm even after he stops makes it easier to forget about it all.
Whenever he hears Kaito’s voice creep up on him, all he has to do is dig his nails into his fresh bruises to make it less loud and all-consuming.
Eventually, with the help of this method, after hours of tossing and turning, long after his returning floor mates careful footsteps have faded, Izuku manages to fall asleep.