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Returning to Hermitcraft after a Life Series has occurred always throws Grian for a loop. It feels like his mind's been torn to shreds and sewn back together with a rusted needle. His limbs don’t know whether to remember the pain they’ve been through, or to forget it all. Leaving him an aching mess. He feels phantom hands on him, pulling him whichever way they decide. It’s exhausting.
Grian groans, eyes blinking open. The scent of sea water and fish stinging his nose. He doesn’t know how long he lays there, unmoving, unthinking. He only knows when it’s broken by a knock on his door.
Slowly pushing himself up, Grian looks over at the door like it personally offended him. “Grian?” Scar’s voice comes through the door, shaky and uneven.
It hits Grian like a train then. Wild Life floods into his mind in fragments. Shards stabbing their way through his memory, making room for things he hasn’t known he’s done. He should be used to this by now, having been the first winner. But no matter how many times They throw him into the ring, he can’t get used to it. He doesn’t allow himself too. Because that leaves him complacent.
“Come in.” Grian calls. Rubbing his temples, he lets his wings fall to his sides. They ache from underuse. Phantom robe burning his skin from where they were tied up for days on end. Scar opens the door and…
He looks like a complete mess. Hair frazzled, eyes darting from dark corner to corner. He’s clutching his chest as if he remembers something stabbing right through it. “Grian what…”
“Do you want to sit down?” Grian asks, patting the bed beside him. Scar looks over and slowly comes over to sit down beside him. “So,” He starts, looking down at his hands. An image of slashing away at Joel makes its way into his head. How he laughed, how much he wanted to win. “How’s the, uh, remembering going?” He asks.
Scar huffs, wrapping his arms around himself. “Is it always this bad?” Scar asks, looking over. “I thought the first time was bad enough but this…this is worse.” He states.
Grian hums, remembering his first time waking up after a Life Series. It was practically torture. The times after that weren’t much better. “It’s different for everyone.” Grian replies. “Pearl likes to not think about it. It makes her feel better to just give into it.”
Scar frowns, pointed ears downturned. “So every game now I’m just expected to remember all of it? All the things I’ve done—“
“Don’t think like that.” Grian cuts him off, shaking his head. “It’s a different version of us in there. We don’t remember who each other truly are, it’s…” Weird, he wants to say. They know each other's names, the friendships they have. But it’s like there’s a morality block. Like when they look at each other, they see something they can prank, kill. It’s awful.
“Do you know who won?” Scar asks.
Who won? Grian goes to say no, only to stop himself. “Joel!” He yells, standing up. “I think he won—maybe? I was fighting him and then…” He was falling. Then he woke up screaming. Both Grian’s and Scar’s communicators go off then. The two of them are quick to take the devices out, booting them up.
Xisuma: Is everyone okay?
Grian hovers over answering, mouth dry.
Pearl: Not so much, Xisuma
Skizz: I’ll get back to you on that
Mumbo: I think I’m okay
Xisuma: Grian? Scar? Are you two alright?
Scar: I’m with Grian right now.
Grian: Someone needs to check on Joel.
Gem: I’ll fly over
Sighing, Grian pockets his communicator. “I’ll probably walk over too.” He says.
Scar nods, hands fidgeting in his lap. “Is it okay if I stay here?” He asks quietly. Too quiet for someone like Scar.
“Of course.” Grian replies, turning to face the man. “I’ll be back as soon as I can. It’s just, you know how hard it is for new winners.” He states.
Scar scrunches up his nose, knowing exactly how it feels. “I hope he’s okay.” He whispers.
“Xisuma is probably going to be heading over there too. He’ll make sure everyone’s fine.” Or at least not having panic attacks, that is. With a last check over on Scar, Grian gets ready and leaves.
It takes a while to get to Joel’s place on foot. Flying would have been faster but he can never trust his wings after not being able to use them for so long. The burst of a firework rocket has him looking up. Gem lands a few feet from him, her knees bending way too much as she goes tumbling to the ground.
“You alright!?” Grian yells as he runs over.
Gem huffs, looking up at him from her position on the ground. “Don’t laugh.” She states, pointing at him.
Waving her off, while also trying to hide his smile, Grian puts his hand out for her. Gem grabs it and he helps the other to her feet. “So, Joel won, I take it.” Gem says as she dusts her knees off.
“Pretty sure. Everything’s still so fuzzy.” Grian replies. “Scar isn’t taking this so well.”
“Do we need to have someone with him?” Gem asks, voice turning worried.
Nodding his head yes, he continues walking in the direction of Joel’s place. “I think? I’m not sure. I don’t know who he would be comfortable with. I don’t know how his game went.” He explains as they get to the start of Joel’s base. A giant set of stairs. Great.
“It’s so annoying not being able to remember.” Gem says as they start to head up the stairs. “I want to be able to remember.”
“You really don’t, Gem.” Grian says, turning to face her. “You're helping us winners by not coming back different, by being you. Don’t let the Watchers change that.”
Gem doesn’t say anything for a bit. “Okay.” She agrees once they reach the top of the stairs. Another pop of incoming fireworks has the two of them glancing up. Xisuma lands in front of them, Clanky netherite boots hitting the ground. “Hi Xisuma.” Gem greets.
“Hey you two. How are you doing, Grian?” Xisuma asks, hand hovering in front of him. Like he wanted to reach out.
Grian takes a step back, curling his wings in a bit. “I’m dealing.” He replies. “We should focus on Joel right now, though.”
“Right.” Xisuma hums. He stares for a few seconds before turning his back on them. “We should hurry, he isn’t answering any of my texts.”
Finding Joel took longer than they hoped. Between the man’s many sky scrapers and temples, it was almost impossible. Grian thinks the only reason they did find the other is because Xisuma is an admin. The guy has a sense for where his Players are, like an old broken compass.
They find Joel in his storage room, curled up between stacks of shulkers and chests. The sight stings his eyes, pulling on emotions Grian never wants to let himself feel. Joel looks worse than Scar. Much worse.
“Joel?” Gem speaks up.
The noise has Joel jolting up, head whipping from side to side until his eyes land on them. “Gem?” He breathes. On unsteady feet, Joel pushes himself up to standing.
“Take your time, Joel.” Xisuma hurries out, moving to help support the hermit. Joel lets him, the two of them fumbling their way out of the chest monster.
Grian stays back. The longer he stares at Joel the more he thinks shouldn’t even be here. He’s pretty sure they were the last two. They went after each other. Joel’s going to hate him, resent him. Joel knows what he is, who he was in there. The monster Grian truly was.
“I’ll leave you two.” Grian states, turning. Joel’s safe with Gem and Xisuma. He doesn’t know why he thinks he’s best with Gem, not yet anyways. But it calms his mind knowing she’s with him.
“Don’t go!” Joel yells. Grian jolts, freezing in place.
He turns slowly, concern lacing his features as Joel pushes away from Xisuma and barrels towards them. Flashbacks of the last time they woke up from a game fill Grian’s mind. Scar woke up confused, disoriented. The second he locked eyes on Pearl, the man went strength forward. It took three Hermits to get Scar to calm down enough to realize he wasn’t in Secret Life anymore.
Grian braces for an attack, but it doesn’t come. Instead Joel grabs hold of both Gem and him. He holds them in a death grip, hand curling into their clothes. “I thought—I thought I lost you two.” He cries.
Gem looks over at Grian, eyes wide. She mouths the words “What does he mean?” Grian could only shrug. He doesn’t know yet.
“Joel?” He voices, reaching up to hug back. It’s the least he could do. Gem follows suit, wrapping her arms around the other.
“Is this—I think—I won? But you two—we were supposed to make it to the end together. Gem, I’m so sorry. You didn’t…” Joel rambles, stuttering over himself. He sniffles, taking a step back. “Where’s Lizzie? Where’s my wife?”
“I’ll contact the Misadventures server and see if we can get you two together.” Xisuma speaks up from behind them.
Joel nods shakily. “Okay…Okay.”
“How about we all sit down?” Xisuma asks, gesturing over to a set of chairs a bit away. Joel doesn’t say much else as they help him over to the chairs. The four of them sit down, letting the silence roll on.
They sit like that for a while. A few more things flash into Grian’s memory. Of hanging out with Skizz and Mumbo, of making a bridge. Growing, shrinking, flying. But nothing makes him understand why Joel is okay with him being there. Or anything surrounding Gem.
“We were a team.” Joel states. His gaze was unfixed, dazed. Like he was reliving something. He understands the feeling. “We called ourselves ‘The Family’. You kept us out of trouble, Gem.”
“I did?” Gem says, looking over. “I mean, it sounds like me. You two are a handful.” She jokes.
Him and Joel laugh at that. It does sound like her to watch them. “And Grian you…” Joel whips his head to face him, eyes wide. “I killed you! We were the last two and—“
“It’s okay.” Grian raises his hands. “I get it.” He really, really does. When it’s down to the last two the urge to win is overwhelming. Like a crushing weight. No matter how hard you push it off you will fight to the death. And if you do win, well, the bloodshed doesn’t end there.
“How do you do this every time?” Joel asks, hands flexing on his lap. “It was like I was a whole other person. But not at the same time?”
“I got used to it.” He lies, feathers ruffling.
Xisuma clears his throat, the three of them looking over. “I’m going to check on the other Hermits. Are you three good on your own?” He asks. After receiving three confirmations, Xisuma takes out his rockets and leaves.
Gen stands, stretching her arms above her head. “I don’t know about you boys, but I’m starving.” She says, looking around. “What do you have to eat around here, Joel?” She questions.
Joel smiles, standing up. “You may not know this, but I make the best roasted honeycombs on a stick.” He states, waving at them to follow. Joel gets the three of them set up with roasted honeycombs. A weird, sticky and yet very delicious thing. Grian will have to buy some from Joel’s shop one of these days.
Soon enough Gem leaves them alone to clean up. Because honey is the messiest thing they’ve ever eaten. Grian uses a napkin from his inventory to wipe his fingers off. Joel shuffled over next to him, feet tapping. “I won’t tell anyone, you know?” He says.
A shiver runs down his spine at the words. “About what?” Grian dares to ask. He already knows. He just wishes he didn’t.
“About you being a Watcher.” Joel whispers, looking awkward. “Does uh, Xisuma know?” He asks after a few seconds.
Nodding his head, Grian sighs. “Him and the past winners of the Life Games.” He explains shortly. “They all promised too, to keep this quiet.”
“Well I mean, it isn’t you man. How we are in there.” Joel states, leaning over so they were shoulder to shoulder. “Grian—“
“Xelqua.” Grian cuts in.
“What?” Joel asks.
“My old—my Watcher name. It’s Xelqua.” He replies, voice shaking.
Nodding, Joel smiles. “Xelqua, were ‘The Family’ right? You’re still that Pesky Bird I’ve always known.” He smiles.
Grain can’t help but smile back. “Yeah.” He agrees. Flicking a wing over Joel’s shoulder, he finally lets his shoulders fall. Stress from waking up back in Hermitcraft drifting away. It’ll be okay. And if Joel knows a little more about him, well, that’ll be okay too.