Work Text:
Richard Campbell Gansey III created the group chat.
Richard Campbell Gansey III added your etsy witch and R.
Richard Campbell Gansey III changed the name of the group chat to Adam Parrish and His Merry Men.
Richard Campbell Gansey III: Good afternoon, my friends.
your etsy witch: what friends? you got your tongue stuck in my mouth seconds ago
Richard Campbell Gansey III: Jane. Please.
Richard Campbell Gansey III: Firstly, I want to thank Ronan specifically for having us here. I know this place is truly a challenge to your patience. But as discussed earlier, it would be beneficial for all of us, to hold discussions or exchange thoughts as united as we are.
Richard Campbell Gansey III: That being said, Ronan, I hope you remember, that Jane and I do not encroach on Adam’s heart or whatsoever. We are just respecting him from afar.
your etsy witch: who is we……??????
R.: Sargent. Gtfo.
your etsy witch: awwwww. baby’s first modern slang. #proud
your etsy witch: also fuck you i was his ex before you were his bf
R.: And you are an ex for a reason.
your etsy witch: i am THE ex because we were both were more interested in whatever shit gansey ragebated us into mind you???
Richard Campbell Gansey III: …I was not doing that.
your etsy witch: you absolutely were.
Richard Campbell Gansey III: I was not. You and Parrish just have a knack for twisting my words into something completely different.
your etsy witch: it called common sense bb hope it helps
R.: How do I delete myself from this chat?
Richard Campbell Gansey III: Please do not.
your etsy witch: how is that fair that every time any of your cars break you get to stare at adam fixing this crap while i am forced to help him
R.: Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
Richard Campbell Gansey III: I, personally, just watch the process to teach myself how to fix cars better in the future.
your etsy witch: right
your etsy witch: mind to tell me what got broken rn in your pig????
Richard Campbell Gansey III: Alternator?..
your etsy witch: you cannot say this word every time and hope that it is a correct answer
R.: Well, he doesn’t remember any other names of the crap the car consists of.
your etsy witch: lol
Richard Campbell Gansey III: …You all do not follow the theme of the group.
R.: Thank God for that.
your etsy witch: sooo
your etsy witch: ronan spill
your etsy witch: do the length of adam’s fingers affect positively on your sex life?
Richard Campbell Gansey III: JESUS FUCKING CHRIST JANE
R.: Sargent, you are no better than men.
your etsy witch: fr?
R.: Yes.
your etsy witch: damn i am trying to be worse tho :(
R.: You are getting there, do not worry.
your etsy witch: <3
your etsy witch: i am taking your silence as yes btw
R.: Fuck off.
R.: What is BTW?
Richard Campbell Gansey III: By the way, shortened.
your etsy witch: look at my group chat dawg i am not getting any fun…
your etsy witch: speaking of fun
your etsy witch: henry wants to join us
R.: NO.
Richard Campbell Gansey III: I am sure he just wants to be included, Ronan. Leaving him out is mean.
R.: No.
your etsy witch: he has something to offer
*three forwarded messages from Bitch I am Madonna*
Lmao tell him that I have photos of Parrish that he cannot even imagine
Like some real stuff
Got one where he is working in Boyds without his tank top
Richard Campbell Gansey III: …I am a little concerned as to why Henry has these pictures of Adam.
R.: He is bluffing. I am not buying that.
your etsy witch: lol
*two forwarded messages from Bitch I am Madonna*
[A picture of Adam, scratching his neck thoughtfully as he stands before the broken car, shirtless, with low waist jeans attached]
I have moreee (wink wink)
R. left the group chat.
R. returned to the group chat.
R.: The fuck.
R. left the group chat.
your etsy witch: LOOOOL
your etsy witch: Gansey are you breathing?
your etsy witch: adam is throwing funny glares at you behave
your etsy witch: nvm he thought you saw a wasp
Richard Campbell Gansey III: I profusely apologise.
your etsy witch: sooooo were you having respectful thoughts rn??
Richard Campbell Gansey III left the group chat.
your etsy witch: adam parrish and his merry men my ass i am the only man in the question
your etsy witch created the group chat.
your etsy witch added Richard Campbell Gansey III, R. and Bitch I am Madonna.
your etsy witch changed the name of the group chat to Adam Parrish and His Freaks.
your etsy witch: before ronan starts bitching
your etsy witch: i remade the chat bc i found something rlly funny
your etsy witch: there is a closed facebook group
your etsy witch: and it is called adam parrish’s fanclub
your etsy witch: ieojfioe idk whose it is but there are 15 members
your etsy witch: i sent the request but they denied me :(
your etsy witch: bullying… knock it off
Richard Campbell Gansey III: Excuse me? It is so inappropriate.
R.: Why the fuck everyone has their eyes on MY boyfriend.
Bitch I am Madonna: AWWW I AM FINALLY INCLUDED IN GC!!
R.: SHUT UP.
Richard Campbell Gansey III: Guys, seriously. It is not a funny topic to discuss. It is concerning. The objectification of our friend by strangers is unacceptable.
Bitch I am Madonna: You are js mad that your request was declined too
your etsy witch: AHAHAH
Bitch I am Madonna: No I am fr his request was declined lol
Richard Campbell Gansey III: …
Richard Campbell Gansey III: How do you know?
R.: Dick. Why the fuck it is the first time I heard about it.
your etsy witch: yeah dick why the fuck it is the first time WE heard about it.
Bitch I am Madonna: Bro got two jealous wives at home God bless
Richard Campbell Gansey III: Jane, Ronan, it was a long time ago. I promise.
R.: FOR HOW LONG THIS CULT EXISTS.
Richard Campbell Gansey III: The real question is how Cheng knows that.
Bitch I am Madonna: Gasp did you just throw me under the bus???
Richard Campbell Gansey III: What a nonsense. I would never do that.
Bitch I am Madonna: YOU ARE SO COLD-HEARTED ???? What next??? Calling ICE on me bc I kissed Adam???
R.: If you ever touch Parrish, pissface, police would be your last problem.
your etsy witch: CAN WE GO BACK TO FACEBOOK GROUP GUYS
Bitch I am Madonna: I am a second admin there lol
Bitch I am Madonna: That is how I know
Richard Campbell Gansey III: …
your etsy witch: LMAOOOO
R.: Did you just said second?
Bitch I am Madonna: Yeah Tad Carruthers is the creator lmaoooooo
Bitch I am Madonna: There used to be three of us
Richard Campbell Gansey III: Three?…
Bitch I am Madonna: Proko (sad emoji) RIP
R. left the group chat.
your etsy witch: dare i say whoever this proko guy was is the luckiest guy in henrietta for dying before ronan heard of this
Bitch I am Madonna: Def…
Richard Campbell Gansey III: …So, why my request was denied back then?
your etsy witch: ok gang wrap it up :<
your etsy witch: i js spoke w adam
your etsy witch: his ass thinks we are hiding something from him
Bitch I am Madonna: That’s probably bc we are lol
your etsy witch: well yeah-
your etsy witch: but he thinks we are talking shit ab him or something
your etsy witch: you know adam
Bitch I am Madonna: Awww no :(
Richard Campbell Gansey III: I wish Adam saw just how truly perfect he is.
Richard Campbell Gansey III: He has a golden heart, strong spirit and mind unlike any other.
Richard Campbell Gansey III: If I could be his eyes for a day, maybe then he would change his opinion of himself.
Bitch I am Madonna: Uhhh bro TOO gay for me I do not fuck w Parrish like that but god bless
your etsy witch: he is not wrong tho
Bitch I am Madonna: Ok
Bitch I am Madonna left the group chat.
Richard Campbell Gansey III: It leaves just two of us, Jane.
your etsy witch: mhm
your etsy witch: why??? are you inviting me on a date? ;)
Richard Campbell Gansey III: Maybe I do.
Richard Campbell Gansey III: Would you say yes, my fair Jane?
your etsy witch: hmmm!
your etsy witch: i do not quite know yeeet
your etsy witch: but i will think really hard about it
Richard Campbell Gansey III: It is a thought that counts, truly :)
your etsy witch: ;)
Adam Parrish: Do you know that some students of Aglionby Academy have fan-clubs of certain people in the class where they post updates regarding them, sneaked pictures, confessions and other rambles?
Declan T. Lynch: Parrish. I am ever-lovingly inform you that it is three in the fucking morning.
Adam Parrish: Is that a yes or no?
Declan T. Lynch: Do I look like I have time for these things?
Adam Parrish: I assumed so.
Adam Parrish: Just so you would know, they had your fan-club, too. Twenty members. Four of them were Ashleys, though, it was supposed to be only-boys clubs.
Declan T. Lynch: …Okay?
Adam Parrish: Also, apparently, Gansey was a member at one point.
Adam Parrish: Bye.
Declan T. Lynch: The hell???