Chapter Text
It had been three days. They had made it three days, put three days of distance between themselves and what would hopefully soon merge into that thing Gem liked to call, ‘The past’. Night three was going well, they had eaten their portions of rationed food, and they’d gone to bed early. Well, fWhip had gone to bed early, and Gem had told him she’d go to bed early as well, except that fWhip was laying right next to Gem on the sleeping mat and she knew damn well he wasn’t sleeping. So. She wasn’t either.
It’d only been three days, far enough that Gem was homesick for something she could never have again, but so recent that fWhip’s ears still hadn’t recovered from the blast.
Gem wasn’t sure if they’d ever recover entirely, though his right ear would almost certainly return to how it was before. Before three days ago.
fWhip had trouble with 3’s. Gem only had trouble with 3’s because fWhip did. Gem knew fWhip knew it was the third night since they’d left, headed south over the snowy peaks in search of something neither of them could name.
‘Distance’ maybe. Or was it ‘Safety’? Or ‘Peace’? Or something like that? Maybe it was ‘Home’.
Not like that mattered much, Gem wanted to spend at least a few more weeks traveling south before she settled down. Could she and fWhip really do that? Actually escape the past? Gem was already without her magic, so that was one step in the right direction towards starting over. And, well, Gem thought to herself. There was really only one way to find out if it was really possible. If they could have a second chance at living.
Gem was tired, but, if they could make it through tonight, they could make it through anything. If fWhip could pull through his fear of 3’s, and if Gem could stay awake longer than fWhip so he could pull through his fear of 3’s, then maybe things were going to work out. If they could make it through tonight, they could make it through anything.
And then she heard it.
Gem heard her sleep paralysis announce itself, that sickening rushing noise, something Gem had only been able to explain to fWhip as ‘that noise in your ears when you yawn’. She could still move, she could still breathe and talk, but if she kept still it wouldn’t stay that way.
The noise came again, loosing softness every time it repeated itself. Louder and longer bursts threatened to consume Gem if she didn’t move soon, and it really was tempting to stay still, she was tired, numb, and if she moved, she’d need to interrupt whatever processing fWhip was doing, but if she didn’t move, then the paralysis would start.
The noise came again, and Gem weighed her options, yes, it would suck to be unable to move, and yes, she would have it repeatedly, a few minutes lost in half a dream, unable to move or scream, then she’d wake up, then she’d be lost in half a dream once more, unable to move or scream, and then she’d wake up and rinse and repeat. She could do it quietly, though, and give fWhip his space to be miserable.
The noise came again, louder and longer and angrier. The noise was now angry, and Gem wouldn’t have much time to decide, though, maybe, she could nudge fWhip, tell him that she was having trouble sleeping. He’d understand what she meant, and then they could stay up together, and maybe Gem’s own misery would be enough for fWhip to open up, and then he’d talk about what was bothering him and then he’d-
Gem shot up, gasping for breath, the noise had consumed her, only for a moment, it had grown and grown and then it had wrapped around her and threatened to not let go, only for a moment.
“Shit, fWhip, sorry, you can ignore me-“ Her words were jumbled coming out of her mouth, and Gem continued to breathe hard, her hand on her chest, palm pressed against her flesh while her fingers scrambled for some clearance like she was sliding off of a roof.
“Gem?” fWhip sat up, and Gem scrunched her face to avoid the tears that threatened to well in her eyes. fWhip, Gem decided, looked utterly pathetic, though the moonlight did not allow her to see his face well. She should have left him to process on his own.
“I'm sorry.” Gem mumbled, forcing the words out.
“No, Gem, it's okay,” fWhip leaned over to grab their lantern, and he turned the dial, illuminating the twins and their surroundings. fWhip's face was wet with tears and snot, but his voice was calming and even. “Having trouble sleeping?”
“Yeah,” Gem nodded. “You know how it is.”
“I can’t sleep either,” fWhip smiled, but there was something in his eyes that didn’t match the curve of his lips. “Actually, can we talk? I’ve been thinking about some things.”
“Of course,” Gem hummed, trying to shake the fear that continued to linger. “I’ve been meaning to ask you how long you wanted to travel for. More than a week, for sure, but less than a month, and I’d like to find some place where there are people, I think we’d get sick of each other if it was just us. We’ll find a fresh water source in a week, maybe, Violet could follow it until we see people. Or we could just head straight until-“
“Gem, I can’t do this.” fWhip blurted.
Gem stared, meeting her brother’s eyes.
“I can’t- I can’t run, I know they’re dead, but I have to know- I have to know that their bodies are-” fWhip’s voice cracked. “I don’t know, Gem, I don’t know what happened to them. How far are they buried under rubble? What remains of their homes? Our homes? Every time I blink, my mind tries to answer everything that’s unanswered. Gem, I have to know.”
“It’s not your fault,” Gem said slowly. “If you want to go back so you can haunt yourself with the images of their bodies for the rest of your life, then we aren’t going. But… if that’s not the case, I guess we’ve only made it 3 days out. We can make it back in another three, or maybe two if we push it, since we spent most of today resting.”
“I know its not,” fWhip shook his head. “It’s just that- I don’t know, Gem, we left so fast. They’re gone and I know even if we had gotten to say goodbye that it wouldn’t make it hurt any less, but I want that. I want to say goodbye, even if they’re already gone.”
“Okay.” Gem nodded.
“Okay?”
Gem sighed, and rubbed some sleep out of her eyes. “Yeah, we’ll pack our things, head back to… home, and we’ll stay for a night before heading back out.”
“Thank you, Gem.” fWhip smiled, genuine and sad.
“’Course,” Gem stood, stretching slightly. “As long as you think your machine is safe, then I don’t see why we shouldn’t go back. Maybe some closure will be good for us.”
“Yeah,” fWhip grabbed Gem’s hand as she reached out to him, and let her pull him to his feet. “Closure. Sounds nice.”
It didn’t take long for the two of them to have packed their belongings onto Violet’s back, they traveled light. They hadn’t packed much in the hurry to leave before the reactor released the remaining energy, and maybe if something of Gem’s empire remained, she could grab a spare change of clothes.
Gem had taught fWhip to steer Violet, she was an intelligent creature, and though she understood little of the language that Gem and fWhip shared, she could understand when Gem spoke Standard Galactic with relative ease. Gem had taught fWhip a few key words that Violet understood, and fWhip had picked it up rather quickly, though his only prior experience with the language were the curse words and odd jargon that he’d picked up from old adventurers skilled with invention in the Mythland pubs.
Violet’s wings shoved against the cold night air forcefully, and fWhip shuddered as the cold rushed against him. Gem was sitting in front, having urged fWhip to try and get some more sleep if he could, promising that she’d stay awake and guide Violet, but fWhip wasn’t tired.
It didn’t take long after Violet reached her preferred altitude for Gem to slump back against fWhip.
“’M not falling asleep… just resting.”
“Of course.” fWhip agreed. “You’ve never fallen asleep before in your life.”
“Mhm… that’s right.” Gem murmured.
After Gem’s breathing became softer, and fWhip was sure she was asleep, he laughed softly to himself, whispering at his sleeping sister. “Can’t believe you thought you were going to stay up all night. You couldn’t be less self aware if you tried.”
Gem shifted, nestling closer to fWhip.
“I wonder what we’ll find, back home.” fWhip sighed, unsure now if he was talking to Gem, Violet, or himself. “Whatever remains, I’m sure it’s not pretty.”