Klikbait: Julian's Adventure in Terminator Badlands

by LilRuRuby

Summary:

Julian gets chucked into a random world with no fucking idea as to what he's even supposed to do- but, hey at least he can turn into a terminator-car thing. Even though he apparently has permanent heelys.

Eh, could be worse.

Notes:

Sup, this is a not-serious fic I'm writing more for fun so it'll either be consistently updated or not lol. Ahem, naturally all Transformer characters belong to their respective creators- Julian is my little gremlin though. Enjoy!

Chapter 1

 

[Welcome, Honored User to your very own- drumroll please-]

 

Julian groaned and raised a hand to rub at his eyes, thinking, god I wish you would shut the fuck up already.

 

[-TRANSMIGRATION!! Oh, User, aren't you excited?]

 

No, he thought viciously as his brain screamed at him.

 

[Now, now don’t be such a debbie downer, User! As per upper management’s policy, my only task is to assign you a new designation, and to assist you in integrating yourself into this world! Once you’ve gotten the basics down, you’ll be on your own! Please make wise decisions, User!]

 

[Download Commenci- ERROR]

 

Julian waited, and waited. After a few minutes he cleared his throat, and began to look around uncomfortably only to startle at a sudden and very loud ding!

[User’s Designation: Unknown]

 

[File: Unknown]

 

[World: Unknown]

 

[Mission: [REDACTED]]

 

[This system wishes User the best of luck!]

“Uh,” Julian began to say as he raised a finger up into the void. “I don’t think-”

 

He then screamed as he suddenly felt the ground open up beneath him and he plummeted down, down, down until-

 

Crash! 

 

“Son of a bitch that fucking hurt!” He hissed as he rolled himself over to figure out what the fuck he had just landed on. He squinted at the utterly trashed lambourgini under him and winced. “Oooh, sorry nameless stranger- your car is so totally dead, bro.”

 

And then something caught his attention- the something in question being his legs as he swung them around to hop off of the car.

 

“Oh my god what the fuck happened to my legs?!” He lifted one up as far as he could, staring in horror at all the- the metal and cables and, god forbid, were those fucking heelys? “What the fuck? What the actual fu-”

 

“Hey, I heard something over there!”

 

“Hello?! Is someone here?”

 

Julian whirled his head around and he quickly launched himself off of the lambourgini, making a dive for the hedges with a series of loud clangs, metallic screeches and muttered curses as the figures rounded the corner, their lights catching on the completely fucked up car.

 

“What the hell happened to the car? Did someone fucking smash into it?”

 

“Oh shit, dude! Isn’t that your brother’s car? He’s gonna freak!” 

 

Sorry, nameless brother, Julian thought, lighting a candle for the man in his heart. I’d get you a new car but I’m broke as shit. He glanced down at his very much not-human self and cringed. And I’d probably get shot at, or whatever people did to big heely-wearing-terminator fucks. Man, I’m so not over the heelys- like, why of all things- heelys?

 

He wanted a refund. Where the fuck is that goddamn system- 

 

“Crap, I do not want to tell him someone did a hit-and-run. I’ll just let him find out on his own. C’mon dude, let’s get the fuck out of here.”

 

Julian listened as the two boys ran away, before letting out a breath of air, yelping when steam hissed out of him instead. “God this is so fucking weird.”

 

He awkwardly shuffled out of the hedges, feeling the way tiny leaves and sticks got stuck in his crevices. He then felt something catch against whatever was jutting out of his shoulders and he shuddered through the feeling until he was back in the middle of the street. “Eugh, I don’t like this. I don’t like this at all.”

 

Julian hurriedly brushed off whatever debris he could reach, wincing at the soft sounds of metal scraping against metal, and pouted down at his sharp claws. After a moment however, he held them out with a growing smirk. He struck a pose and placed one hand on his hip before blowing on his imaginary nails, and said in a shitty valley girl accent. “Oh my gawd, I’m, like, so over your shit, Veronica!”

 

He cackled, his nerves from before easing back to something more manageable as he looked around the area he’d landed in; it looked like some high-class neighborhood- shiny sports cars dotted every driveway and every house looked straight out of some modern HOA magazine. 

 

He could also make out a goddamn ocean in the distance. Bitch, am I in California? Ew.

 

He feigned gagging. “Right, time to get the fuck out of here before someone shoots me.”

 

Julian peered around carefully before beginning to haul ass down the street, cursing at the extremely loud and incredibly noisy clanking and clanging his entire body made the entire time. “Why can’t I be less fucking obvi- gah!” 

 

Before he’d even finished the thought, he felt a violent wave of vertigo and then his perception of everything changed. “Fucking shit was that?!”

 

His body revved.

 

Julian paused. 

 

His body revved again.

 

Ayo?

 

Something clicked in his mind and soon he realized what had happened. “Oh. Oh my god I’m a fucking car, let’s go!”

 

Feeling incredibly giddy, Julian revved his engines as loudly as possible, not caring about waking up an entire neighborhood of stuck-up rich prisses because fuck yeah he was a car now!

 

The once darkened windows of all the possible HOA homes began to flicker on, and he could make out the faint sounds of old women shrieking at their husbands to deal with him.

 

Headlights flashed on at their max intensity as he drove off, his tires screeching as he floored it.

 

“Let’s put on some fucking tunes!” He crowed, and felt something else click into place as his radio sputtered to life, crooning out The Beatles. “Classic, but I need something with a little more oomph!”

 

The radio switched through various channels before settling on a loud, blaring cacophony of electric guitar and screaming vocals. “That works!”

 

With Noise playing on high blast, Julian drove until the neighborhoods became specks in the distance.

 

Now to figure out what the fuck I'm even supposed to do.

 

---

 

Julian snorted awake and looked around groggily, or tried to at any rate, and remembered that he was a car now. Because that was a thing in this world. Still weird and still not over the heelys, but at least it makes some sense.

 

He’d driven the entire night until he found an abandoned gas station where he’d parked his ass and immediately knocked out- who knew being a heely-wearing-terminator-car-thing could be so damn exhausting.

 

Heh, get it? Exhaust-ing?

 

Julian giggled to himself before realizing that he was being so fucking stupid and stopped that shit right in its tracks- goddamit.

 

He sighed. “Man I’m losing my shit, aren’t I?”

 

Julian had passed a few billboards that confirmed that he was, in fact, in Los Angeles of all places. Though, thankfully, he’d managed to drive in the direction of the more rural areas, and didn’t have to worry about some crackhead ripping off his doors and slashing his tires. Land of opportunity my flat ass.

 

Anyway-

 

Since he was in the middle of bum-fuck nowhere, he decided to practice switching between terminator and car- wanting to see how the fuck the physics of such a thing even worked.

 

“Alright!” Julian said out loud and flapped his doors and wiggled his rearview windows. “Terminator form! Go!”

 

And absolutely nothing happened. 

 

“Ah, fuck.”

 

For nearly an hour, Julian tried fruitlessly to mimic every Sailor Moon transformation sequence he’d ever seen on YouTube before switching over to My Little Pony catchphrases before finally giving in and pretending he was Iron Man.

 

Now, he stared down at his body under the light of the fatass sun in the sky, and realized that he looked really, really-

 

“Man I’m ugly as shit, bro,” he complained, squinting at the grey armor of his arms and legs, tipped with black hands and feet. He twisted his body as much as he could and oohed and ahhed at the sight of the spikes that poked out of his back and- “Oho? Are those my tires? How the hell do they- what?”

 

He turned back into a car and, yeah, no, he still didn’t understand how the fuck that worked.

 

Whatever. He was still cool.

 

Julian started when his vision suddenly began to receive warning messages- or what he thought were warning messages, considering that they were flashing red and made concerning noises; he didn’t understand any of the symbols though so, yeah.

 

What a shitty time to be illiterate, he thought to himself as he stared at the messages blankly until they minimized into the top left side of his HUD eyes or whatever was going on, and said, “Wow, if only some fuckup hadn’t gone off to who knows where- I’d probably have an idea as to what the goddamn shit I’m supposed to do with this mess.” Said fuckup did not deign to make an appearance, and so Julian was left to figure out how to get rid of all the annoying alerts-

 

His stomach growled.

 

“Ohhh,” he said, enlightened. “I’m fucking hungry!”

 

Man, he was so good at being a terminator.

 

Actually, what the fuck am I supposed to eat-

 

Chapter 2

Summary:

Julian steals shit and causes a crisis- as one does.

 

After a good deal of trial and error involving shoving rocks into his mouth and stealing unsuspecting people’s DoorDash orders, Julian realized that since he was a terminator-car thing, that maybe, just maybe he had to consume the things that cars did.

 

And so he found himself roleplaying a normal car while a dead inside attendant stared into his tinted windows with eyes that looked like they were carrying the weight of the universe itself. “Sir, I need you to pay first.”

 

“Nah.”

 

“Sir, you asked me to fill up your gas for you- I’m going to at least need you to pay with credit if you don’t have any cash.”

 

“Sounds like a skill issue to me; just get gud, breh.” 

 

“Sir, if you refuse to pay, and if you refuse to leave, I’m afraid I am going to have to call the police.”

 

“Ugh, fine. I’ll leave,” Julian grumbled and revved his engines. He rolled out of the gas station and parked himself behind a nearby convenience store with a despondent sigh. “What’s a terminator gotta do to get some goddamn food around here?”

 

He moped for a while before he realized something.

 

He was parked right next to a fuel truck, its driver nowhere to be found.

 

And, conveniently, there was a trash bin that could definitely hold a few gallons of fuel sitting right beside the store. 

 

Julian grinned. “My prayers are answered. There is a terminator god.”

 

---

 

He wound up back at the abandoned gas station with a few gallons of the smelly gasoline and had to psych himself up for what he had to do next.

 

“C’mon Julian,” he hissed to himself, bouncing up and down on his feet as he paced with the gasoline in his hands. “It’s just like medicine- only it’s gas and it might actually fucking kill you.” His method of psyching himself needed work, he decided when the thought made him set the gasoline down before squatting nearly a mile away to scream at the dirt.

 

A few hours later, he dragged himself back to the gasoline when the warning messages began to overlap on top of one another until he couldn’t see jack shit. “Fuck it- if I die from the gas then I die from the gas; the alternative is just fucking death anyway so, win-win- or something.”

 

He raised the gasoline up and downed it like a shot, and waited.

 

The screaming warnings went away one by one, and he didn’t feel like he was about to throw up. Or explode- so yay!

 

Julian took his time drinking the rest of the gasoline, and smacked his metal lips when he was done. He nodded to himself. “Yeah, tastes like shit.” 

 

The food crisis now resolved, he wondered what the fuck he needed to do next. Was he supposed to piss and shit at some point? Could he even do that?

 

He looked down at his pelvic area and poked at where he assumed his crotch was supposed to be, and accidentally removed a cap that he hadn’t noticed was there and watched in horror as a clear liquid sprayed out from the hole. “Oh god, oh god, oh god where the fuck is the lid!”

 

He reached down to try and stem the flow with his hands, and looked around frantically, cringing at the feeling of his robot juices completely soaking his hand. “Ew, ew, ew!”

 

He spotted it a few yards away and stumbled over, snatched it up, and hammered it back onto his dick- crotch- thing. 

 

Good news; the leak has been stopped.

 

Bad news; he was now in pain.

 

Probably shouldn’t have done that so hard, he thought serenely as he felt white-hot agony pulse out from his not-crotch. I may not have a dick, but clearly something down there is still sensitive as hell.

 

He slowly sunk down onto the ground and curled himself up in the fetal position with a whimper.

 

---

 

After fucking himself up and eventually recovering from it, Julian waited until it was dark before he deciding to go exploring. Sitting around doing nothing except drawing dicks in the dirt with a claw could only do so much for him.

 

Which is how he found himself being chased down by four police cruisers and a helicopter.

 

“FUCK OFF!” He shouted and nearly swerved into another car that beeped at him. Julian, not one to be outdone, blared his own horn in response. “Fuck you too!”

 

“Pull over right now!” One of the officers demanded, and Julian’s weird brain HUD thing cheerfully told him that these bitches were aiming their guns at him.

 

Oh hell naw.

 

“Fuck, fuck, fuckity, fucking- shit! Shit!” He sped up and desperately hoped to be out of range for when they eventually started firing on him. “C’mon! It was one, one old lady- she’s not gonna die from being hit by a car! Grandma’s are resilient! Trust me, I know!”

 

“If you don’t stop we WILL use force!” A warning shot was fired and Julian cursed. And then he yelped when an officer he hadn’t even noticed suddenly launched a spike strip out in front of him.

 

“Fuck this shit!” Completely forgetting his earlier reluctance to show himself to regular people, he turned back into his terminator form and landed on his feet right above the little bastard who stared up at him in horror. “Yeah, not so tough now are you, buddy?” He reached over and grabbed the dude who began to kick and scream hysterically. “Alright, tell your bros to back the fuck up and stop with the stars, man. I got places to see and gasoline to steal.”

 

“Stop! Stop!” The man screamed to the others. “Let this thing go! I don’t want to die!”

 

Julian waited, drumming the fingers of his other hand on his leg as the officers slowly moved away- and by slowly, they fucking inched backwards over the course of the next couple of minutes before he let out an annoyed sigh. “Man, this is taking way too fucking long- I sure hope you know how to fly, my dude.” He raised the screaming police officer up and yeeted the poor fucker at the others- who also screamed at the sight of the flying man- before he turned back into a car and sped off.

 

The police cruisers did not give chase; the helicopter had long since flown away to refuel or some shit, Julian didn’t know the specifics. Anyway, what mattered is that he got away with running over a grandma and didn’t even have to face the consequences.

 

“God, I’m just too good at this,” he said proudly, as he drove further away from the clusterfuck behind him.

 

---

 

A few hours and a series of fuel truck vandalisms later, Julian found himself staring down an entire military base’s worth of guns, trucks and tanks. A woman stood at the front of the lineup with a megaphone.

 

She raised it up to her mouth. “You will comply with us, machine.”

 

The words shot out of Julian’s mouth without a second thought. “What do I get if I do?”

 

She seemed to hesitate and looked around at the others who all began to murmur to one another uncertainly. She turned back and said, “You’ll get to live.” 

 

To prove her point, several of the tanks’ muzzles and turrets raised up and locked onto him. Julian nodded sagely, and folded his hands under his chin. “I see, I see. Well in that case-”

 

He pulled out some gasoline he’d stored inside of his chest- which was a pretty interesting feature to discover, by the way, and definitely did not completely freak the shit out of him nope- and gulped it down before wiping his mouth and tossed the bin to the side with a burp. “Okay, I’m good now,” he said cheerfully and then he slammed his fist against his chest, and he felt the familiar, but still weird click in his brain that made the fun things happen. 

 

“Better hope you don’t shoot,” Julian told the megaphone lady as she and the rest of the army backed the fuck up when his mouth began to glow and get progressively hotter and hotter. “I’ve been drinking gasoline for a solid fucking day now and I’m pretty sure I’ll just nuke the place if I die.”

 

“Hold your fire!” The woman screamed, waving her arms frantically at the army. “This one’s got a death wish!”

 

Julian watched them move back even further but at least they had stopped aiming every weapon at his face. He let out another burp, but this time it was accompanied by a small spout of guttering flames, and he smacked his hand against his chest once more; with another click, the hot feeling dispersed and he addressed the pale-faced megaphone lady as if nothing had happened. “So, like, what did you even come here to do? What was the plan? ‘Cus let me tell you- that was a shit plan.”

 

The lady scowled up at him. “We require your cooperation, machine. We know others like yourself. Come with us quietly and we will take you to them.”

 

Julian hummed consideringly. “I mean, I would- but the whole-” he gestured with a metal arm to all the tanks and guns. “-that doesn't really scream ‘we come in peace,’ you know? In fact, I think I feel a little threatened.”

 

“You ran over a citizen and threw a police officer into oncoming traffic,” the megaphone lady deadpanned. 

 

Julian shrugged. “Semantics.” 

 

Personally, he thought the little shit deserved it. He’d completely forgotten about the grandma, though.  

 

He stretched his arms above his head with a yawn. “Well if that's all you wanted to tell me, then you can fuck off now. I wanna go get some grub and pass out in a lake somewhere- feels like I got dirt up my a-”

 

“Fire the EMP! Now!” Megaphone lady suddenly shouted.

 

“Fire the wha-?” Julian managed before something clanged into his head with the speed of a motherfucking bullet, and he stumbled backwards, already reaching up to grab whatever the hell they had just thrown at him-

 

And then his vision went black.

 

His last thought before he went under was, this is why I fucking hate California.

 

Chapter 3

Summary:

Julian wakes up, socializes, and realizes that terminators can get heartburn

 

Waking up felt like a bitch slap to the face when Julian realized that his brain HUD was filling up with even more unreadable alerts, and these ones had fucking paragraphs. He let out a miserable groan, I literally just figured out how to feed myself- now y’all want me to do more?

 

“Help me,” he said. “I’ve fallen and I’ve fucked myself up. Where’s my life alert?” 

 

Something new flashed across his vision and he opened his eyes to squint at the massive wall of tiny blue text, and said, “Oh, nevermind. I think I found it.”

 

“So you are not offline, after all,” said a guttural voice directly into his brain. “What is your designation and affiliation?”

 

Julian blinked up at the metal ceiling above his head. “Oh, a new voice in my head. As if the one from before wasn’t enough-”

 

“I will not repeat myself again, protoform!”

 

Did this motherfucker just call me a robot slur?

 

“You first!” Julian snapped, struggling against the restraints tying him down before realizing that his whole body was frozen in place. Ah, that would explain all the alerts, I guess. “Jeez, haven’t you ever heard of stranger danger?”

 

If a voice in his head could snarl in frustration, then Julian is pretty sure this one managed to achieve it. Heh, gottem.

 

“...I am Lord Megatron, leader of the Decepticons; now state your designation and affiliation.”

 

“...uhhh,” Julian frantically thought about what to say because he couldn’t just tell the Megatron voice what his real name was- it was too fucking lame.

 

Random bullshit, go!

 

“I am Klikbait, with a ‘K’,” Julian said gravely. “I’m an earth terminator.” Nailed it. 

 

“Klikbait…” Megatron rumbled, and Julian fought to keep a straight face but couldn’t help the coughing snickers that managed to escape him. Thankfully, Megatron didn’t seem to notice. “Did these… disgusting organics create you?”

 

“Nah, I fell from the sky, dude,” Julian said and began to wiggle back and forth, feeling the way the ice around his body began to crack and crumble enough for him to move an arm. “And let me tell you- falling hurts, man. I do not recommend it, like, ever.”

 

With one arm free, Julian began to smash his fist into his other arm until the ice cracked away from that one as well. “Plus, these fuckers shot a goddamn roofie at my head- if I see that megaphone bitch again, I’ll squish her.” Limbs successfully freed, he pounded his chest and grinned at the click and familiar heat that ignited inside of him, sending the ice running in streaming rivulets across the ground. Distantly, he could make out the sound of alarms going off as he stepped off of the platform, and he even heard the familiar shrieking of the megaphone bitch. Oho, I am so going to throw you over a cliff- just you wait.

 

“It appears that your escape has not gone unnoticed, Klikbait. Free me, and I will destroy them all,” Megatron offered, and Julian was petty enough to agree because that would be pretty fucking awesome to see. And then he considered the implication that Megatron was not, in fact, just a random voice in his head.

 

He shrugged. Eh, I drink gasoline and can light myself on fire- it tracks.

 

Julian said, “Alright, I'm down. So, like, where the fuck even are you, Meg?” 

 

He crouched to look under a tiny desk and squinted at the cowering scientist that was hiding there. “This you, bro?”

 

He reached over and poked the scientist, who screamed and fell over in a dead faint. “Eh, probably not.”

 

“You insult me with your ignorance. Turn around, you fool!” Megatron thundered.

 

Julian abandoned the now unconscious scientist and turned around. He stared, wide-eyed at the towering, frozen form of an even bigger terminator and said, “Yooo, you look sick as hell!”

 

And, to be fair, Megatron did look cool- goddamn it, not again- all tall and edgy and angry looking, even as an ice cube. Julian tottered over and raised an arm to knock against one of the bigger terminator’s frozen legs, and blinked in confusion when he caught sight of his noticeably skinnier arm. “Huh?! The hell happened to my arm- what happened to my body?!”

 

Julian spun in circles, staring down at himself in horror. Sure, he was ugly as sin before, but now?

 

“Oh my god,” he wailed, reaching up to cover his face. “I’m naked!”

 

His spikes, his armor- it was all gone. His thoughts flew back to the megaphone bitch and he snarled, “Forget squishing that bitch- I’m gonna tie her to a fucking tree and throw her into the fucking ocean!”

 

And then he registered the fact that his heelys were gone. “Oh. Well, I guess I can skip tying her to the tree.”

 

“Focus, you imbecile! The organics are nearly here!”

 

Oh, right.

 

“My bad, dude!” Julian said and darted back over to Megatron. “One spicy boi, coming up!”

 

He thumped his chest and looked between himself and the massive terminator, and shrugged. 

 

Taking a deep breath, Julian let the heat bubble out from his chest and into his throat-

 

“The NBE-2 is in contact with the NBE-1! Stop it now!” The megaphone bitch screamed.

 

- and he blew a massive gout of flames at Megatron’s torso, the ice cracking and melting almost instantly. 

 

Megatron’s eyes, once dark, flickered to life like two red, glowing embers of rage-filled bloodlust. And with a vicious snarl, he lurched forwards and tore apart the machinery around him before turning his gaze onto Julian- who was jumping up and down like a kid who just ate an entire candy store’s worth of sugar.

 

“Your assistance will be rewarded, Klikbait,” Megatron boomed, his real voice somehow even more deafening than when he’d been speaking directly into Julian’s brain. “Now, witness the power of Megatron!”

 

Julian watched as the other terminator kicked out his leg, and a motherfucking rocket shot out from his foot, zooming across the room to explode against the machinery on the other side- the explosion sending people flying and screaming down and onto the ground, where they smashed into the floor in a gory display of blood and viscera. Another rocket shot out with the same results, and then he watched in awe as Megatron’s arm turned into a cannon- which he used to blast at an approaching mob of people that had their own tiny guns.

 

They did not stand a chance.

 

Julian looked down at his skinny arms and pouted. I want a cannon, too.

 

“You!” A familiar voice screamed up at him, and Julian turned to see the megaphone bitch standing on a platform with her own gun pointed towards him. “You’ve ruined years of my life’s work!”

 

He stared at her. “Okay?”

 

“I’m going to destroy you!” She shrieked and began to shoot at him. Julian glanced back at where Megatron was happily stomping on the floor with a blood-covered foot, and reached over to pick up the megaphone bitch, barely noticing the sting of her bullets as he lifted her up to his face.

 

“Hey,” he said. “Are we near an ocean by any chance?”

 

She glared up at him, face red. “Yes we are. Why? Do you plan on escaping? Do you really think my people will let you leave this place alive?” She began to laugh even as Julian began to walk out of the tunnel leading out of the chamber they were currently in; though it also led to a series of corridors and a fuckton of other rooms he couldn't help but explore. 

 

One of the rooms, to his utter bewilderment, had a massive rubix cube sitting in the middle of it. The megaphone bitch in his hands was screeching to him about how her bosses would find him and tear him apart for scrap as he raised a single claw up to poke at the thing.

 

He felt a pulse from the cube, and then a click from inside of his chest, and for a second he wondered if he accidentally activated a bomb or something. Though, when nothing happened after a few minutes except for a barely noticeable warmth that bloomed in his chest, he shrugged and continued to look for a way out. 

 

“It's probably just terminator heartburn or some shit,” he muttered to himself after another weird burning pulse came from his chest. “Wonder if the alerts are telling me how to resolve it- hey, lady, do robots take something for heartburn?”

 

He re-adjusted his grip on the megaphone bitch when she started biting his fingers. “Jesus! Chill the fuck out- it was just a goddamn question!”

 

After spending a little more time looking around, he found an area where a bunch of people were making a beeline into another tunnel, and guessed that that was where the exit was at.

 

Sure enough, he found himself stepping out into the open, and he grinned brightly at the sight of the beautiful, sparkling sea before him. Fuck yeah.

 

He raised the megaphone bitch high up into the air- who began to struggle violently once she realized exactly what he planned to do.

 

“Wait! No-!”

 

“Bye, Felicia!” Julian crowed, and flung her out towards the sea. He raised a hand to cover his eyes from the sun’s glare, and squinted as her figure became a distant speck over the water before vanishing into the depths beyond. 

 

Good riddance. Hope you get eaten by a shark, he thought with a smirk, turning when he heard what sounded like a massive engine behind him; and gaped when he realized it was some sort of high-tech jet that flew up into the air before it shifted and turned into Megatron, who landed majestically on the ground in front of him.

 

“Woah,” Julian whispered, eyes practically sparkling. I wanna be just like him.

 

“Now, for your reward,” the looming terminator said before reaching over to grab Julian by the neck. He went easily, and blinked into the other’s red eyes curiously.

 

Was he about to get choked out? Would that even work? The thought was interesting enough to let him continue being manhandled. 

 

Megatron stared at him for a long moment, his eyes practically burning holes into his armorless body, before he released a low, reverberating chuckle, and then dropped him back onto the ground with a thunk. Julian stumbled a bit before righting himself, and asked, “So, what's the reward, Meg?”

 

“Be grateful, Klikbait. You get to keep your spark,” Megatron said, turning away, and Julian noticed a smaller version of the weird rubix cube thing from earlier in his other hand. “Most would not be so lucky.”

 

“My what now?” Julian asked, but Megatron had already turned back into a jet and flown away. “Hey… and he's gone. Shit, and I got nothing for it either. Dammit.” I wanted to ask if I could turn into a jet, too. Oh well. 

 

The burning in his chest flared up for an instant- making him wince with a muttered curse, before the pain died away just as quickly. Julian rubbed his hand over it in bemusement.

 

Guess the heartburn is gone now.

 

He glanced around before letting out a considering hum. After a moment, he picked a random direction, and began walking.

 

Thank god it's dark out, Julian thought. Or this would have made for a really awkward jailbreak.

 

Chapter 4

Summary:

Julian reforms a drug addict and discovers the joys of parenthood

 

It took an embarrassingly long time for Julian to realize that he couldn’t turn into a car after he broke out of terminator prison- which, given his lack of everything, made sense in retrospect. 

 

Still, he really, really missed being able to turn into something with wheels.

 

“Please,” he begged, hands folded in prayer where he sat kneeled in front of a motorcycle that he’d snatched up from a nearby theater parking lot. “Let me be able to drive around again- the walking is actually going to kill me. I won’t even complain about the fucking heelys. Promise.” 

 

The motorcycle did not respond, and Julian buried his face into his hands with a muffled sob. "Give me this, I beg of you."

 

He felt his brain click and he opened his eyes to see that his HUD thing was now showing a display box with two options that he couldn’t understand but suspected to be ‘yes’ and ‘no.’ Because- what else would it fucking be if not that.

 

A bomb?

 

He thought about it. Yeah, probably.

 

“Er,” his eyes flicked between both options, considering the possibility of accidentally killing himself and at the potential badassery of the result, thought, fuck it. “Yes?”

 

The display chirped in his mind before vanishing; though Julian wasn’t left in suspense for long when with a sudden whir his eyes shot out a beam of light that traveled through the motorcycle for a few seconds before also disappearing. In the next instance, he felt his body shift and contort in a familiar way, and in mere seconds he was an exact replica of the motorcycle. A quick scan showed that he'd regained his tires, and he howled with joy because finally!

 

“Fuck yes!” Julian cheered, revving his new engine. “Thank you, terminator god!”

 

And Julian could almost imagine terminator god giving him a double-thumbs up, as if saying, ‘ay, no problem, cuz.’ 

 

Sadly, he had no radio, but he could always steal from a car now that he more or less knew what to do, but for now he was going to drive around and maybe figure out how to turn into a car again-

 

A thought suddenly occurred to him, and he moved one of his mirrors so that he could look at his very much vacant seat. “Oh, uh, huh. This is gonna be an issue."

 

---

 

The solution, as it turned out, was to rely on California’s most abundant resource.

 

Crackheads.

 

All Julian needed to do was ride up to one that was screaming obscenities at a fire hydrant, and upon seeing a riderless motorcycle, the guy immediately hopped on and tried to take off.

 

Keyword; tried.

 

Julian cackled as he rode through the streets at neck-breaking speeds while the crackhead screamed hysterically from his place on top of him, kept in place by a makeshift metal seatbelt that Julian made by accident when said crackhead tried to make a run for it, parts of his body detaching to clump together in a rope-like mass to wrap around the guy, who had shrieked in terror at the unexpected restraints upon his person.

 

Terminator bodies are sick as hell, Julian thought gleefully. 

 

“I dun’ want ter die! I’ve got ter much ter live fer!” The crackhead sobbed. “I promise ye, gawd- I won’t ever do them drugs again!”

 

“Don’t be such a baby,” Julian told the guy, who screamed even louder in response. “I’m just gonna borrow you for a bit ‘til I find more armor so I can go back to being a car.” At least I hope that's how it works.

 

“Oh lawd! Oh lawd it’s the fookin’ devil, aye!” The crackhead shrieked. "I dinnae want ter go to hell!"

 

Julian swerved into a new lane, and at the sounds of furious honking behind him, he said to the crackhead, "Hey, if you flip off the guy behind us, I won't drag you to hell."

 

With wide, fearful eyes, the crackhead turned and flipped off the car behind them, tears streaming down his face.

 

Haha, gottem

 

---

 

By the time Julian made it to a dealership, the crackhead had long been arrested by the police on the grounds of driving while intoxicated; Julian had managed to slowly wheel away as the officers tried to get the hysterical man to calm down.

 

“We ain’t gonna hurt you, man,” he heard one of the officers tell the crackhead gently, his partner nodding emphatically at his side. “We just want to help you, alright?”

 

The crackhead, meanwhile, had been desperately trying to crawl into the back of the police cruiser. “I fookin’ know that! Take me away from ‘ere! Before the devil tries ter take me again!”

 

At that point, Julian had revved his engine and took off, cheerfully ignoring the shouting behind them when the officers realized that the motorcycle had gone rogue.

 

Anyway-

 

Julian peered around the empty dealership, and soon his eyes landed on a shiny blue Honda. Perfect.

 

He glanced over at the passed-out clerk on the nearby counter and slowly drove over to where the Honda was being displayed, and he squinted up at the car expectantly. "I want to turn into this."

 

Nothing happened.

 

“Fucking hell, not again,” Julian sighed, only to jolt when his heartburn- which apparently hadn’t actually gone away- reared its head and he suddenly felt himself get forcefully turned back into a terminator. Huh-?

 

The clerk snorted behind him but remained asleep. 

 

He startled when his chest, unprompted, began to open up all on its own, and he could faintly make out a glimmer of light from within, but he was distracted from the sight when his chest shot out a bright beam of searing blue light at the Honda, before stopping, his chest snapping shut immediately after.

 

"What the actual fuck-" Julian started to say only to shut up when he noticed the residual light rippling across the Honda, and a moment later the car began to contort and convulse and soon enough-

 

Julian stared up at the new terminator that was standing in front of him, who in turn, stared right back at him with bright blue eyes.

 

“C-crea-tor?” She crooned, her head tilting to the side inquisitively. Her eyes flashed for a second before they squinted down at him joyfully. "C-creat-or!"

 

“Aw shit,” Julian said numbly. Does this mean that I'm a single dad now? And I didn’t even get laid, what the shit-

 

“St-atu-s r-epor-t?” His new child asked.

 

“Uhhh…” Julian said, and if he could sweat he felt like he would be drenched in gallons of the stuff. “Right, um. I’m, er-” What did he tell Megatron his name was again? “-Klikbait. And, uh, you and me are on earth, we’re terminators, and um, your name is-”

 

Julian drew a blank. Oh god, what do I name my kid?

 

“... Gifbait,” he said lamely. The newly named Gifbait nodded enthusiastically.

 

“I-I am G-ifb-ait!” She said cheerfully. “Hel-lo crea-tor Klikb-ait!”

 

“Hi,” Julian responded back, and frantically wondered how much of a dick move it would be to ditch his kid. And then he had an idea.

 

“Hey, Gifbait,” he said, shuddering as she loomed over him. “I’ve got a really important task for you.”

 

“Ye-s creator Klikbai-t?” Her eyes brightened.

 

“You will keep out of sight of those guys,” Julian pointed to the snoring clerk. “And you will live in hiding basically forever until you find other terminators like us; I’d stay with you but, uh, I have my own… mission. Yeah.”

 

Gifbait, not knowing any better, nodded happily. “Ye-s, creator Klikbait!” And then she turned and walked out of the dealership, where Julian watched her turn into a Honda and drive off into the distance. 

 

“Responsibility successfully avoided,” Julian said, pumping his fist. He looked down at his chest and glared at it. “And you-”

 

The self-satisfied air that had been pulsing around his chest suddenly vanished, taking the heartburn with it, but Julian now knew that the fucking thing was still there. 

 

He scowled. "I swear to fucking god- you better not make me have more kids." He jabbed a claw at the panel. "You better fucking not."

 

His chest did not respond in any noticeable way, and Julian felt himself slump in resignation. "Goddammit."

 

Chapter 5

Summary:

Julian plays with fire and kills a guy by accident

 

Julian put his new baby-making skills out of his mind when he realized that no matter what he tried, or how many days he waited- he was still unable to turn into a fucking car. Unbelievable.

 

He flopped onto the dirt and dragged a hand over his face with a muffled groan, and squinted up at the starry night sky; one of the stars was glittering rather brightly, and he couldn’t help but watch it for a few minutes as it grew closer, and closer and-

 

“Oh fuck me!” He shouted and immediately began to run, stumbling for a moment, before turning into a motorcycle- his wheels screaming as he pushed himself as hard as he could in order to put some distance between himself and the fucking meteor that was heading right at him.

 

Thankfully, he was far enough away that when the massive meteor landed, he avoided getting absolutely obliterated- but he was still sent flying forwards with a yelp from the aftershocks of it slamming into the earth. He rolled for a moment, his body instinctively turning him back into his terminator form to avoid serious damage until he smacked into the side of an abandoned shack, where he crashed through the rotting wood wall and laid there in a heap on the floor.

 

His HUD began to flash yellow warnings, and he wheezed. “Oh, no red? That’s a first.”

 

Julian forced himself to sit up, throwing away the planks of wood that had fallen onto him with a few muttered curses, and went to stand up only for something in his leg to spark, and then he was watching as the shack burned down around him. “Oops.”

 

Impulsively, he reached out to stick his hand into the fire, and let out a little maniacal giggle when he realized that the heat didn’t bother him at all. In fact, the fire seemed to crawl up his arm harmlessly, slowly turning from orange and red to blue and green.

 

“Oh, this is dope. I didn’t know I could do that!” Julian said excitedly. He knew he could both breathe and set himself on fire, but whatever this was made his brain light up with endless possibilities.

 

Look out world, he thought with a wide grin, a new art-sonist has been born!

 

He sat there and continued to play with the colorful flames, unaware of the massive form that lumbered out from the crater a few miles away, or the way it turned into a semi-truck before driving off.

 

“Man,” Julian said happily, wiggling his soot-covered fingers. “I can’t wait to blow shit up.”

 

---

 

He really, really couldn’t wait.

 

Julian was hunkered down, bent over a pilfered fuel tank as he carefully coated a long wire in gasoline, which he tied off around the mouth of the container. He dipped his fingers into the liquid and stuck out his robot tongue as he drew little smiley faces on the outside of the tank, serving as an alternative fuse path if the wire failed. But it would also be really fun to watch a smiley face explode.

 

At the thought, he grabbed a fistful of dirt and scattered it over the smiley faces, grinning at the now dirt-encrusted gasoline doodles.

 

“And done!” He chirped, sitting on his haunches to admire his work of art. He looked around and frowned. “Now where to test it…”

 

His eyes scanned the area, zooming in on a distant boulder. Ah, perfect.

 

He hauled himself up and swung the fuel tank onto his back with the wire, and chuckled when he realized he probably looked like some kind of terminator Santa Claus. And as he walked over to the boulder, he couldn’t help but say, “Ho! Ho! Ho! You better watch out! You better not fucking cry! Because if you do- you’ll fucking die!” And he burst out into cackles, the tank jumping on his back at the motions.

 

Julian slammed the tank down at the base of the boulder and began to walk backwards, the coated wire sliding out from between his fingers in a neat line on the ground until he was a survivable distance away. He leaned down with a hum and slid his claws across the ground before trailing them up to his chest where he scraped them against the metal there. The sparks caught on the residue on his fingers, and he watched as the green flames burst to life with glee.

 

This was going to be fucking epic.

 

He reached over to the end of the wire, and was about to crook his claws over it in order to transfer the flame when he heard a quiet chittering from behind him.

 

“The hell is that noise?” Julian muttered, turning to look around. He was met with the same old dusty road, desert landscape and lack of life. He clicked his tongue and turned back only to startle at the sight of a teeny tiny robot dude who squinted up at him with four blue glowing eyes. “Holy shit- where did you come from?!”

 

Did you do this? Julian thought as he narrowed his eyes down at his chest. No- couldn’t have. You didn’t do the pew pew thing.

 

The robot dude suddenly let out a series of clicks and unintelligible noises before scrambling up Julian’s legs, seemingly on a fucking mission. Julian stared down at it in bewilderment as it hovered over his chest. It let out a sudden, “Doi!” And began to scratch at the armor there before smacking its head against it in frustration.

 

“You good, bro?” Julian asked as he plucked the robot off of his chest, forgetting about his flames.

 

Whoosh!

 

“Oh shit,” he said when the fire completely engulfed the other robot in a sparking mess of blue and green as the robot in question began to screech in agony before exploding in a shower of metal pieces that clinked onto the ground below. 

 

Julian slowly and awkwardly stuffed the robot’s remains into his chest- also forgetting about his baby-making oven thing until he felt something start to rattle around in there only a few seconds later, and he popped it open again with twitching eyes-

 

And was met by a pair of yellow eyes that blinked slowly up at him.

 

“Grah!” The tiny reformed robot growled. “Crr-eeaa-toorrrr?”

 

“Fucking hell! Again?!” Julian hissed, snatching up his newest child to dangle it upside down in front of his face. “Why? Wasn’t one kid enough for you?” He aimed the question at his chest, and he swore he could feel it smirking smugly at him.

 

He sighed and looked at his child who was gnawing at his fingers while purring happily. “Well shit- guess I’ve gotta give you a name too, huh?”

 

The tiny face swiveled around to blink at him. “Desss-ignnn-a-tioonn?”

 

“Imma call you…” Julian considered it for a moment before shrugging. “Eh, your name is gonna be Boombait.”

 

Boombait screeched happily.

 

Julian let out a miserable sigh.

 

---

 

After sending Boombait on his own ‘mission,’ Julian packed up his DIY bomb into his hiding place for later use, and figured he might as well start traveling again, especially if random little robot dudes were going to pop in and explode on him. Though, he made sure to mark his location for when he inevitably needed to come back and grab the bomb.

 

“Seriously, fuck that guy,” he grumbled as he pulled out an extra gas canister from his chest. He tore off the cap with his teeth and slurped up the gasoline. “Ruining my fun- making me have another kid- god. Exploding was too good for him.” 

 

Finished, he threw the canister into a ravine and pulled up his HUD. “Now, where should I go…?”

 

His vision lit up with a map of his location and he scanned it for a minute before zooming in on a random area in- his eyes flickered up to take in the english text- Santa Monica.

 

“Santa Monica, huh?” Julian hummed as he drew a path from his current location to where his brain was choosing to go. “Well- at least it’s not Los Angeles. Alright! To Santa Monica I go!”

 

He shifted into his motorcycle form and sped away, leaving a cloud of dust in his wake-

 

And he never noticed the police cruiser that was tucked out of sight atop a nearby cliff face.

 

Chapter 6

Summary:

Julian experiences road rage, makes a friend, and questions the necessity of insurance

 

The drive to Santa Monica was a peaceful one, all things considered. And it would have continued to be a peaceful drive- if it wasn't for some lunatic that nearly crashed into him.

 

Julian was absolutely livid.

 

“Oi!” Julian snapped at the yellow Camaro that nearly ran him over. “Watch where you’re fucking going, you goddamn eyesore!” The Camaro, from where it was previously racing off in a random direction, stopped with a screech of its tires. 

 

“The- FUCK- you sayin’- mate?” Came a remixed jargon of a sentence, and Julian, forgetting his currently inexplicable riderless appearance and with a voice to match, whirled around and drove up to the driver’s side window.

 

“You heard me, fucker!” He snarled. “Almost ran me over, you piece of shit! Do you know how fucking long it took me to get wheels, man? Too fucking long!”

 

The Camaro’s door slammed open, knocking Julian over to crash onto the ground- who let out a shrieked, “You fucking slut!”

 

“Pussy- ass- BIOTCH!” The Camaro screeched back.

 

It was almost comical when they both reverted to their terminator forms at the same time and sized each other up with flashing eyes- especially since the Camaro terminator was at least a few heads taller than himself.

 

Not that Julian cared. He had a motherfucking advantage.

 

“Eat shit, you asshole!” Julian spat and sent a fist flying at the Camaro’s crotch. The Camaro managed to dodge mostly out of the way of his claws, but not before one of them scratched across the surface of that oh-so-delicate spot.

 

Fatality

 

There was a long pause, and then the Camaro fell onto his side with a choked, “Is this… the end- it hurts like hell~”

 

Julian cringed. Maybe I should’ve stubbed the fucker’s toe instead, he thought as he cleared his throat. “For the record!” He held up one finger imperiously, and shuddered at the bits of scratched yellow paint he could make out on it, before saying, “I only meant to yell at you for nearly turning me into roadkill- you were the one that decided to fucking push me onto the ground.” He crossed his arms and plopped down beside the other terminator. “As far as I know- we’re even, dude.”

 

“The bitch came back~ again and again and again we go!” The Camaro sang, even as he carefully sat up. “Wish I- could shoot you- right here right now!”

 

“Feeling’s mutual, fuckface,” Julian retorted, and popped open his chest to grab at two canisters of gasoline, not noticing the taken aback expression on the other’s face as he did so. “You want some gas? I got extra, and I can always steal some more later, so don’t be all modest ‘n shit.” He offered the can over without looking, too busy with tearing off the cap of his can one-handedly. “S’not too bad- tastes like crap obviously, but it gets the job done.”

 

“For me- Oh, look at that- POISON!” He felt the canister get taken from his hand gently despite the words, and when he turned to look at the Camaro, he had already started pouring the fluid into a small hatch above his chest. Guess other terminators drink gas differently. Cool.

 

Julian shrugged and happily guzzled down his own can, sighing at the steam his body released, and watched as the orange alert on his HUD steadily flashed yellow, then green before finally blinking away in a burst of blue. “That hit the spot.”

 

“Abso-freakin’-lutely- thanks brotha’ from anotha’- machine.” The Camaro crooned, reaching over to thump him on the back as though Julian had become a comrade in arms. The thought made him snort, and he flashed a thumbs up at the other guy who peered at him curiously at the sound.

 

And then the Camaro asked, “Wot- d-d-d-d-do you call your- self?”

 

“Ah,” Julian considered the likelihood of giving out his name to every terminator he came across eventually biting him in the ass, and shrugged. Worse comes to worse, I’ll set myself on fire and pretend I’m someone else. “I’m Klikbait. What about you, breh?”

 

“Sting like a bee~” was the only response as the Camaro squinted at him mischievously.

 

This cryptic motherfucker-

 

“Fuck, okay. Wasp?” He tried, and pouted at the “WRONG!” that was blasted right back. “Sting!”

 

“NO!- ice cold- lava, baby!”

 

“The fuck does that- uhh, Bee, then?”

 

“We have a- nice shot!” The Camaro who might be called Bee cheered, before crushing Julian’s hopes by motioning for him to continue.

 

Something with Bee in it- oh! Julian’s eyes lit up as he said, “Bumblebee!”

 

DING! DING! DING! Bumblebee jumped up and clapped excitedly.

 

Oh my god- is this what it feels like to accomplish something? Julian thought as he let out a whoop and also jumped up with a double fistpump. “Fuck yeah! I’m so smart!”

 

Bumblebee gave him another pat on the back, and Julian decided right then and there that this asshole was his new best friend.

 

---

 

Eventually, he and Bumblebee parted ways, the other saying something along the lines of having to look for something super, duper important and totally secret for his boss or whatever. Julian didn’t really give a shit, and waved him off with a simple, “Try not to die, you dick. I wanna drink gas with you again at some point!”

 

“Sir, yes sir! Hasta la vista- friend!” The other responded, waving at him before turning back into a Camaro and leaving.

 

“Damn. I already miss the fucker,” Julian sighed long after Bumblebee became a tiny dot in the distance. He began to walk away, kicking away one of the empty gas cans with his foot. “Time to go find more gas, I guess.” Might be another gas station around here, but it’s already sorta late- sun’s gonna rise soon.

 

“You there! Halt!” A voice snarled from behind Julian, followed by the unmistakable sound of a terminator transformation. Ooh, alliteration!

 

“Stop right there criminal scum!” Julian shouted back in a moment of inspiration. “You have violated the law! Now you will pay with your blood!”

 

And then he actually turned around and came face-to-face with a heavily armored black and white terminator that was even taller than Bumblebee. Though, not as tall as Megatron. That fucker was in a league of his own.

 

Something caught his eye.

 

The fuck-

 

“Oh damn,” Julian said, staring up at the other’s glowing tits. “Why are you out here flashing people, bro? That’s so fucking rude.” 

 

“Silence!” The terminator roared and slashed down at him with one of his ridiculously massive hands.

 

Julian dropped onto the ground with a yelp, barely managing to avoid getting his head torn off, and scrambled away on his arms and legs when the other began to march towards him. He looked around frantically and blinked up at a lamppost. 

 

Let’s try being creative, Julian thought as he grabbed onto the pole and ripped it out of the cement. He stood up and twirled his new staff before posing with a little ‘ha!’

 

The terminator raised an arm and it shifted into a gun. A really big gun.

 

Julian wilted and let his shitty staff fall onto the ground with a sad clunk. “Oh, fuck me.”

 

“Surrender the AllSpark to me, and I will make your offlining quick and painless,” he sneered, his gun beginning to charge up with a crackling whine.

 

Julian stared. “I’m sorry- the AllState?” 

 

Do terminators need insurance that bad? Jesus.

 

It was time for drastic measures.

 

Julian pointed behind the terminator and screamed, “OH MY GOD! IT’S THE ALLSTATE!”

 

“Where!?” The other roared, whipping around to stare behind him. He turned back after realizing he’d been tricked only to see the tail-end of Julian’s motorcycle form speeding off towards the city. “You wretched little piece of scrap!”

 

Julian, meanwhile, raced away with laughter bubbling out of his chest because- “Holy shit, I can’t believe that fucking worked!”

 

Take that you angry bastard! Julian crowed internally and floored it. The headlights behind him slowly getting further and further away until he couldn’t see them anymore.

Julian let out an adrenaline-filled giggle. He couldn’t wait to tell Bumblebee what happened the next time he saw the guy- he was sure his new friend would freak.

 

Chapter 7

Summary:

Julian pays his child support

 

Julian’s HUD pinged at him until he grumbled and let himself wake up fully to see what the fuck it wanted. Couldn’t be food since he drank gas only a few hours ago, and he hadn’t gotten frozen, blasted, or smashed- so, ah-

 

He blinked when a tiny, familiar face came into his line of sight. 

 

“Boombait?!” Julian screeched, and his child squealed a happy, ear-piercing, “Crreeeatorrr!”

 

He wheeled himself out of his temporary shelter that he’d found under a makeshift tent in a random junkyard, and turned into his terminator form. Boombait tumbled down across his body to land into an outstretched metal hand with a happy little “Grah!”

 

“The fuck?!- what are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be looking for, uh, Gifbait?” Julian stuttered because what the hell- even he didn’t know where his first kid went, and it had already been nearly a week since he’d last seen her back at the dealership. And then the horrifying realization dawned, even as Boombait shot up to point at something behind him and said, “Found! Yes! Yes! Spark-sister found!”

 

“Creator Klikbait,” Gifbait chirped from where she loomed above Julian; and he slowly craned his head to look up into her happy blue eyes. “My mission is complete: another 'terminator' lifeform was discovered!” Her eyes seemed to spin and focused on Boombait intently, and added, “Though, I did not expect it to be my spark-brother, creator Klikbait!”

 

Boombait chirped up at her happily and began to chew on Julian’s fingers, practically vibrating from excitement. “Boombait did good? Yes?”

 

Goddamit

 

Julian groaned and let his head fall back to thunk against her leg. “Wow. Amazing work, Boombait, Gifbait. I’m so proud of the both of you.” 

 

Why, he weeped internally. What did I do to deserve this?

 

Unbidden, the image of a trashed Lamborghini came to mind. Ah, well fuck you too, Karma. He thought darkly.

 

Gifbait cooed happily and reached down to lift him up as if he weighed nothing and squeezed him tightly against her chest in a crushing hug. “I am happy to have met creator Klikbait’s expectations!”

 

“Yay,” he deadpanned. His chest pulsed and he could make out that his baby maker thing was laughing at him. Bitch.

 

Boombait, where he was now crawling up to Julian’s face, let out a purr and then burped out a tiny green fireball.

 

---

Gifbait insisted on following Julian everywhere, and Boombait simply let himself ride around inside of her, also unwilling to let him out of sight- even the temptation of a new mission didn’t seem to do much to change their minds, to Julian’s utter despair.

 

“Creator Klikbait?” Gifbait piped up tentatively after some time driving around in the dark, and Julian grunted out a ‘what?’ to which she asked, “Why do you not use a hologram? Wouldn't it make accomplishing your undisclosed mission easier?”

 

Julian's tires screeched to a halt, and Gifbait barely managed to come to a stop before she rammed into him.

 

“A ‘hologram?’” He echoed emptily. Gifbait’s headlights flashed, and then he watched as a young lady with a pixie bob exited from inside of her car form to walk over and wave at him cheerfully.

 

What

 

“Like this!” Gifbait chirped, the hologram’s mouth moving simultaneously.

 

Julian spent a moment screaming internally, before he said, “Oh- man, I must not be thinking straight! For some weird reason, it seems like I have amnesia, and it’s like really specific in that I can’t remember all of my terminator abilities. Help a guy out, Gif?” 

 

Gif. Gif? Really? 

 

“Oh no!” Gifbait’s hologram gasped, hands flying up to grasp gently at Julian’s handles. “That is terrible! I will help you, creator Klikbait!”

 

And then Julian felt a series of clicks and watched as his HUD lit up from a shit ton of pings that were coming from Gifbait; how he knew they were from her specifically he wasn’t sure, but his brain automatically accessed all the data files before he could start to panic about what the fuck he was supposed to do.

 

His HUD flashed, and a scrawling wall of text bloomed at the forefront of his mind, and to his shock he realized that whatever Gifbait had sent over made it so that he could actually fucking read it holy shit-

 

“Gifbait,” he said gleefully even as he customized his human avatar. “You are a national fucking treasure and I will die for you.” Maybe not die; but maybe being a dad won’t be so bad, after all. The kids are basically already adults. I think.

 

“Aw! I love you too, creator Klikbait!” She said, preening. Boombait poked his head out from her car form’s window and hissed out, “Love! Yess! Love creator!”

 

“Ah yes, love you too, my feral little shit,” Julian told him, and the little guy screamed joyfully before jumping out to scramble into his motorcycle form where he curled up in his hologram’s lap happy as can be. Little shit, Julian couldn’t help but think fondly. Reminds me of a dog-

 

Actually hold the fuck up-

 

“Kiddies,” he said, and watched as two pairs of eyes locked onto him immediately. “Have you eaten anything since I, er, made you?”

 

“What is ‘eat?’” Gifbait asked, cocking her head to the side. Boombait only pointed at the tiny bitemarks on Julian’s armor and cheeped inquisitively. 

 

Okay then- time to try this dad shit out

 

“Right!” Julian said cheerfully. “C’mere- papa’s gonna teach you the art of stealing shit like a boss.”

 

---

 

Sure enough, his kids fucking sucked at stealing, but Julian didn’t care as he watched them destroy a gas station, wiping a proud tear from his eye. They are so shit at this.

 

“Creator! Creator! Behold!” Boombait shrieked, holding up a styrofoam coffee cup filled with gasoline. “Mission: Success!”

 

Julian snorted and crouched down to give his kid a careful poke on the head. “Yeah, good job bud.”

 

Gifbait rounded a collapsed pillar with a bin full of gasoline, walking over to show him her bounty eagerly. “I have retrieved the gasoline!”

 

“Ay, nice,” he told her and gave her a pat on the arm. Hah! Who said parenting was hard? This is, like, the easiest thing ever. 

 

He cheerfully ignored the fact that he'd essentially left his kids to fend for themselves the moment he had accidentally and unwillingly brought them into the world.

 

He grabbed his own bin of gasoline and motioned for his kids to follow him as he made his way back to the junkyard- which they did. Once they were all tucked under the tent, he raised his bin up to his mouth and began to drink it. From the corner of his eye, Gifbait and Boombait traded looks of puzzlement before lifting their own gasoline to their mouths.

 

He snickered at their expressions of disgust. “Heh, yeah it’s shit. But food is food- and you’re gonna need a lot of it, especially if you plan on running after me all the time.”

 

“Grah! No like!” Boombait snarled, but still held onto the coffee cup in his tiny hands. “But will listen to creator! Creator knows best!” And then the little guy threw the gas back like a shot of whiskey, shuddering once the entire cup had been drained. Julian grinned at the sight of the tiny puffs of steam that emitted from the smaller robot’s body. He really does take after me, huh?

 

Gifbait set her own empty bin to the side with a hum, and she slumped against Julian's side, nearly sending him into the ground because fucking hell she weighed a ton. He struggled for a moment before letting out a resigned sigh and reached up to pat her on the arm. She beamed down at him tiredly, and he watched her as she slowly fell asleep.  Still can’t get over terminators needing to sleep.

 

His attention was turned back to Boombait when the little shit scrabbled up to curl onto his shoulder with a tired hiss. Julian reached up to pat his kid on the head as well, and the little guy knocked out almost instantly. Julian snorted. “Goodnight, you little bastard."

 

Julian let himself relax, and wondered if his baby maker would spit out more kids in the future. His mind conjured up the hilarious image of him marching along the road with an army of terminator babies trailing after him like a bunch of ducklings, and he couldn’t help the quiet giggle that escaped him.

 

His chest pulsed smugly, and he grunted, “Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just ‘cus I like these little shits now doesn’t mean I’m not still pissed at you, fucker.” His chest rattled irritably, and he grinned. 

 

Julian yawned and snuggled into his kid, taking care to not crush Boombait, and he let himself drift off to sleep as well.

 

---

 

A few hours later, Julian’s eyes snapped open. 

 

“Oh fuck,” he hissed. “How the hell am I gonna explain this to Bumblebee?”

 

"Hey Bumblebee- oh them? They're just my kids that I birthed into the world by accident- so anyway, want some gas?" 

 

Julian covered his face with a hand to muffle his hysterical laughter. 

 

Boombait hiccupped in his sleep and promptly burst into green flames.

 

Gifbait mumbled and raised one hand to grope around Julian's body until she found Boombait, and simply laid her hand over his tiny form- extinguishing the flames. Her arm dropped down to circle around Julian, who yelped as he was brought into a crushing hug yet again.

 

Gifbait let out a snore.

 

Julian let out a sigh and slumped back. Ugh, I'm too tired to figure this shit out. I'll just do what I always do-

 

His HUD lit up and his eyes darted across the text consideringly, and he nodded. This tells me nothing.

 

"Alright Julian," he said to himself as he curled a hand up around Boombait who purred and snuggled into it. "If you can't bullshit your way through something, then get ready to just not address the issue at all."

 

How hard could avoiding a conversation topic really be, all things considered?

 

Chapter 8

Summary:

it's hard trying to spend father-children time together when people keep showing the fuck up- or, the one where Julian blows up a bitch and meets a guy with a sexy voice

 

Julian wasn’t sure when he’d meet up with his friend again, so he took precautions by hiding a ton of gasoline and whatever fuel tanks he could get his hands on over the next couple of days in the junkyard he’d labeled as ‘HQ-1’ in his mind- something he’d pinged over to his kids to their delight.

 

It was weird having others around after he’d spent- days? weeks?- on his own, especially considering that those ‘others’ were technically his biological children. So, so weird, he thought with a grimace as he ripped out some cabling from a broken TV.

 

Skitter, skitter-

 

“Creaatorrr!” Boombait screeched smacking his leg repeatedly until Julian looked down at him. “Boombait senses others!” The little robot peered over his shoulder anxiously before glancing back up to him. “Not know sparks! Not more spark-siblings! Threat? Not know! Not know!” He wailed.

 

“Jesus, chill, Booms,” Julian huffed and scooped his child up. He settled the little guy into his chest, taking care to avoid shutting it completely in fear of somehow duplicating him. “How many do you sense? I can rig up a bomb real quick if they’re coming here.”

 

“Three! No, no- Four! Boombait senses four!” Boombait chittered and clawed nervously at Julian’s chest. “One sky! Three ground!”

 

Julian paused. “Okay- maybe I can just blow up the whole place instead.” Like hell am I gonna fight a mob of terminators. I got a lucky shot with Bumblebee, and the other fucker was just stupid.

 

“Creator Klikbait? Boombait? Is there something wrong?” Gifbait asked where she was coming from their tent, scratching at the pieces of garbage that stuck to her joints until they fell off. She looked over at Julian and her eyes swiveled down to the barely visible trembling form of Boombait, and she made a concerned noise and rushed over to look at him. “He is distressed! Why?”

 

Julian opened his mouth to tell her what Boombait had told him when he heard a roar coming from above, and he tensed. That sounds like a jet-

 

And then a dorito chip landed right in front of them.

 

Boombait screamed and tried to crawl deeper into Julian’s chest while Gifbait crouched closer to him with wide, terrified eyes. Julian stared at his kids before looking back at the newest terminator with a disbelieving expression. “Wha- you’re scared of this guy? Really?”

 

Gifbait shuddered and pressed closer to him, the sight somewhat comical considering that she was too big to hide behind him. “His field is angry, creator Klikbait. He wants us to hurt,” she whispered. Boombait whimpered.

 

Julian looked up. The other terminator approached them with a low hiss, red eyes flickering over their huddled forms.

 

“Ah- so you are the one with the AllSpark?” He said, circling around Julian while his kids quivered in terror whenever he came too close. “Hmph. I do not understand why Megatron wants you to come to us willingly- why, I think I could easily tear the bloody thing out of you and keep it for myself.” The dorito reached out to drag a claw over Julian’s chest, and Boombait squealed-

 

-and then the dorito bitch was sent flying into a mountain of hidden fuel tanks, the tarp that had been covering them fluttering away harmlessly. 

 

Julian lowered his leg and waited for Boombait to crawl out of his chest before he started the ignition sequence. “Right, so, I am absolutely gonna blow this creepy bitch up,” he said and snapped his chest shut, feeling the familiar burning bubbling feeling beginning to crawl up his throat. “No one fucks with me, or freaks the shit out of my goddamn kids for some stupid insurance scam!” He opened his mouth and spit out a long stream of blue-green flames at the fuel pile- gesturing to his kids to back the fuck up because it was boom time.

 

Gifbait understood the message and snatched Boombait off of his shoulders, and promptly booked it- Julian followed only a few seconds later when he heard the tell-tale fwoom of a propane tank releasing air-

 

And he leapt forwards to drag Gifbait behind a wall when the entire junkyard exploded. 

 

He couldn’t help but look at the beautiful sight of the blue flames that shifted into green before crackling into yellow. “Woah…” he said, and heard the sentiment echoed by Boombait who peered over at the leveled junkyard- or, what used to be a junkyard.

 

It was now just scorched ground. Julian looked around, wondering if the dorito dude was dead- and scowled at the smoke trail he spotted that led away from the explosion. Sonuvabitch- all that fuel with no dead terminator to justify it!

 

“Creator Klikbait,” Gifbait moved and was now squishing herself and Boombait between Julian and the wall as she stared at something behind him. “There are more.”

 

Julian whipped around with a snarled, “Are you fucking shitting me-”

 

He cut himself off and gawked at the sight of Bumblebee and some other huge red and blue terminator absolutely beating the shit out of the black and white terminator he’d run into a few nights ago. “Holy shit- he’s- oh, ooh- right in the balls.” Julian cringed when the black and white terminator crumpled onto the ground, and then his vision was filled by an overexcited Bumblebee who grabbed him up into a hug. Oomph, guess he really missed the gas, huh?

 

“NICE- to see- you again~” Bumblebee said, squeezing him tighter. Behind Julian, he heard his kids shriek in terror, and he was suddenly yanked away from his friend by Gifbait- who shoved him away in an effort to get all of them to run.

 

Aw, fuck! Julian thought and frantically raised his arms up to Gifbait, hopping up to grab her by the arms until she focused her wide, scared eyes onto him. “Hey, hey! Gif, it’s fine- Bumbles here is a friend! Friend, okay?” 

 

I’d rather not have my bro shoot my kids by accident, Julian thought a little hysterically as he tightened his hold on Gifbait. I’ve gotten too fucking attached.

 

“Field is not a-angry,” she stuttered and she jolted when Boombait crawled out of her chest to look into her blue eyes intently. “Trust creator! Creator knows best!” Her eyes shuttered and she glanced back down at Julian nervously, who gave her a bright grin in response. She slowly relaxed.

 

“You’ve got a friend in me~” Bumblebee sang, even as his eyes spun with both confusion and concern. The blue and red terminator slowly walked up to them- the black and white terminator now a smoking husk on the ground behind them. Julian glanced over at him and hissed, “Ay, stay fucking back until I get Gif here to calm down. Thanks for the help, though.” 

 

The terminator blinked  at him but nodded, and said in a really deep voice, “Of course. I will wait.” 

Julian wondered if it was gay to consider a dude’s voice hot if he wasn’t entirely sure if he was a chick or not before shaking his head to focus on his kid. Not the time, Julian!

 

“There, see? These guys are chill- why don’t you say hi to ‘em real quick, yeah?” Julian encouraged, and Gifbait peeked over to Bumblebee before her eyes flickered over to the other terminator standing a good distance away, and uttered a very soft, “Hello,” before ducking to hide behind Julian. 

 

Eh, she tried. I’ll give her that

 

He sighed, and gave her a pat on the leg before squinting over at Boombait. “You too, Booms.” 

 

Boombait did not disappoint- seemingly no longer terrified out of his mind given how calm Julian was in the face of these newcomers- he leapt up with a roar of, “Yes! I Boombait! No forget!” And then skittered down to sequester himself into Julian’s chest, and added, “No hurt creator! Will destroy!” 

 

Aw, my feral gremlin child, Julian sniffled tearfully. I will kill everyone and then myself if anything happens to you, you insane little shit.

 

He coughed, and gestured to Gifbait. “Yeah, so this here is Gifbait- and as the little guy said, he is Boombait. They’re my kids.” So much for avoiding the topic, Julian thought with a snort. “Kids, that over there-,” he pointed to Bumblebee who waved, eyes bright as he took in Julian’s kids, “-is Bumblebee, we’re tight. And that-” he swung his finger over to the other terminator, who slowly began to approach. Julian faltered, “Uh, yeah, no fucking idea who that is actually. Bumbles?”

 

Bumblebee darted over to the massive terminator and waved his arms at him excitedly. 

 

Julian deadpanned. “That tells me nothing, dude.”

 

The terminator chuckled and crouched down so that he was closer to Julian’s height, and Julian felt the way Gifbait hunkered down and heard the tiny squeak Boombait released at the other’s proximity. He patted Gifbait on the arm again, and tapped on Boombait’s head, moving his claw away when the little shit spat out a tiny fireball at it. He’ll be just fine.

 

“I am Optimus Prime,” Optimus Prime told them. “And I believe you and I have some important matters to discuss, holder of the AllSpark.”

 

Oh, Julian thought as he stared into Optimus Prime’s eyes. AllSpark, not AllState.

 

“Huh,” he said aloud. “As long as it’s not an insurance scam, and you’ve got food- I’m down to chat, big guy.”

 

Behind him, Gifbait said. “And you won’t hurt creator Klikbait?”

 

Optimus Prime peered over at her and smiled reassuringly. “You have nothing to fear from us, young one. Your creator will not be harmed.”

 

Gifbait garbled out an odd sound before nodding. She straightened up, and then grabbed onto Julian’s hand. Boombait hissed up at Optimus Prime from his hiding spot, but didn’t duck back into Julian’s chest when the massive terminator glanced over at him curiously. “Good! Boombait will trust! For now!”

 

These fucking kids, sighed Julian as he looked up at Optimus Prime. They’re so goddamn intense. I love ‘em to bits.

 

“Soooo,” Julian began. “What’s this about the AllSpark and why am I the one holding it?”

 

---

 

“Well, that’s- that is a lot,” Julian said numbly where he and his kids sat in their vehicle forms on the back of Optimus’ semi-truck form, Bumblebee riding beside them. “But it explains why I have kids now, I guess.”

 

His spark- because it never was his chest it was his spark- let out a pulse, and he knew now that it was because it was holding the literal God of these terminator- cybertronian  people. Man, what a thing to find out on a- Julian pulled up his HUD- on a fucking Tuesday. 

 

“Creator Klikbait is really amazing,” Gifbait said proudly, nudging him with one of her doors. “I am glad to be of you!” 

 

Boombait screeched in agreement from the passenger seat before going back to chewing on Gifbait’s seatbelts.

 

Ah, offspring validation, Julian wiggled his mirrors happily. Feels so damn good.

 

“Wait-” Julian said, pausing his movements. “If I’m holding your guys’ literal God in my chest- how the fuck am I suppose to get him out of there?”

 

“The AllSpark is not our ‘God,’” Optimus corrected. “It is the essence of our God, Primus. And at this time, there is no safe method of extraction from where it is joined to your spark- not without the AllSpark potentially being lost in the process- something which we do not want to happen as it is perhaps the only thing that could relight the Well of All Sparks on our planet.”

 

“Don’t worry about a thing~ long, long time- before you go, go!” Bumblebee interjected with what was probably supposed to be comforting words. 

 

Julian hummed. “So, I’m not gonna be killed just yet. I guess that’s okay.”

 

Optimus nearly veered over the side of the road, and Julian felt his kids jolt with twin cries of shock while Bumblebee sent a burst of static out at them.

 

“What!?” Julian said, looking around frantically. “What is it? We being attacked or some shit? I can make a bomb! Probably!” 

 

“Klikbait,” Optimus rumbled over at him, having corrected his position. “You will not be killed. There are methods our people have when it comes to the safe removal of the AllSpark- on both sides.”

 

“Ah,” Julian said. His spark pulsed with laughter. “Cool.”

 

“We will discuss matters further later,” Optimus said as a few buildings came into view. “All questions- both yours and our own, will be answered once we’ve reached our current base of operations.”

 

“HQ-2,” Julian pinged over at his kids.

 

They giggled.

 

Chapter 9

Summary:

wherein a child explodes, and the other gets knives; Julian just wants to avoid prison, thanks

 

“Ay,” Julian said as they approached what his HUD told him was Mission City. “Are there more of you guys around here? Besides the flying bitch and the dead one?”

 

“Yes,” Optimus said. “You will meet them on arrival.”

 

Julian waited, and when the other said nothing more he heaved a sigh and pinged over to his kids a quick, “How y’all holding up, kiddies?”

 

“Not scared: alert,” Gifbait pinged back. Julian wheeled himself a little closer to her and gently thumped her tires with his own. “Better?” He asked.

 

“Better,” she admitted.

 

“Boombait hungry!” Boombait whined and Julian turned his mirrors to peer into Gifbait’s car form, and whistled at all the chewed up upholstery. Damn, I gotta feed this kid quick.

 

“Ay,” Julian said again. “My kid needs food- can we stop at a gas station real quick?”

 

“Almost there~” Bumblebee piped up. Julian, Gifbait and Boombait all received simultaneous pings from the Camaro of the coordinates they were heading towards. “Patience- dudes and dudettes!”

 

Julian squinted at the coordinates and quickly brought up his HUD in order to triangulate their positions-

 

[Destination: 20 miles away]

 

“Boombait,” Julian said solemnly and his child perked up. “I’m sorry to say- but you’re not gonna make it, buddy.”

 

“WHAT!” Boombait shrieked.

 

Gifbait flapped her doors sadly. “Goodbye, spark-brother.”

 

“NO! I NO OFFLINE! NOOOO!” Boombait wailed and burst into flames.

 

They stopped at a gas station.

 

---

 

“Huh- this place feels really fucking familiar,” Julian muttered as they turned back into their cybertroni- ugh, even thinking about the word took too much effort- they turned back into their terminator forms and walked into the building. Much better.

 

He looked around and- 

 

Wait a damn minute

 

He tilted his head and zoomed in just enough he could make out the exact size and shape of a familiar rocket explosion on the far wall and stepped back in alarm. Aw shit- here we go again.

 

“Right, okay!” Julian said cheerfully and promptly turned around, snagging Gifbait’s hand in the process as he dragged them all out of the terminator prison. “We’re gonna have to turn down the invitation- you know how it is; shit to do, sights to see; babies to make; so and so forth and all that good stuff-”

 

Optimus stepped in front of them with raised hands, as if trying to get an angry cat to calm the fuck down. “I am afraid that we cannot allow you and your family to leave at this time. You will only become a target for Megatron-”

 

“Meg?” Julian reared back, and then realized that the dorito chip terminator had mentioned something about the dude when he got all handsy with him. “Damn. You do a murderous guy one favor and he fucks you over. That dick.”

 

Optimus’ eyes shuttered. “A… favor?” His arms lowered and he stared at Julian.

 

Julian nodded up at him with a scowl and gestured around at the semi-visible damage. “Yeah, these fuckers snatched me up and then I woke up, saw Meg, freed Meg ‘cus I thought it’d be funny and ‘cus said fuckers took all of my shit, and then we split- actually, no- he fucked off and left me to walk like the ungrateful bastard he is; didn’t even tell me how to turn into a jet-”

 

Bumblebee plopped onto the ground and covered his face. “Oh dear god- is this the real life~?” 

 

Julian rolled his eyes and then tensed when he heard the sound of people approaching. He tugged Gifbait behind him and let the familiar heat pool around his spark. Boombait hopped onto his head with a hiss, and Julian felt the way his little body also began to crackle and pop with his own flames- more pronounced now that he was full.

 

Gifbait hovered behind Julian, and let her arms rise over him in an intimidation display as she flared her armor out. She kind of looks like a beetle, Julian thought with a grin. One of those really big, shiny blue ones.

 

“What is the meaning of this, Prime?” A woman snapped as she marched into the entrance area. She took in the sight of Julian and his kids before she focused her attention on Optimus. “Really? You couldn’t have told us you had more friends planet-side?”

 

She turned to Julian and narrowed her eyes. “Hm. You are NBE-2; you have a lot to account for- namely the insurmountable deaths of my people.”

 

“Nah,” Julian said as steam coiled out from behind his teeth. “Just that one bitch- y’know? The one with the megaphone who roofied me?” 

 

I hope she got eaten up by every shark in the sea and shit out onto the ocean floor 

 

The woman scowled. “Be that as it may- you will still be held accountable for the loss of NBE-1. You are the reason it escaped containment and are therefore the reason for the deaths that followed. You will surrender to us, or you will be destroyed.”

 

“I am afraid that Klikbait’s surrender and destruction will not occur under any circumstances,” Optimus intoned, moving to place himself in front of Julian who sent a smirk over at the lady. “He will remain here with his young for the sole purpose of protection; his role in our society is far too important to our way of life.” He glanced down at Julian and sighed. “It is regrettable that his actions caused such a tragic loss of life- but bear in mind that you brought a cybertronian into this place against his will- one who feels and thinks just like any other one you humans of this earth- and caused him unwarranted suffering”

 

“It was to be expected that he would seek some form of revenge- and that Megatron undoubtedly used that very expectation to his advantage.”

 

“You would defend the NBE-2?” She asked with an unreadable expression. The soldiers at her back shifted, and Julian could make out the various clicks of their guns as they removed the safety on them. He hunkered down while Gifbait and Boombait let out matching hisses.

 

“Not just me,” Optimus rumbled, and Julian watched with wide eyes as three more terminators stepped out of the other corridors, all looming over the humans menacingly. “It was no lie when I said that Klikbait is very important to us.” 

 

God, it's kind of hard to take this seriously every time he says my fucking name, Julian thought as his shoulders shook from repressed cackling.

 

Julian jolted when he felt a hand grasp onto his shoulder, and he glanced back to look at Bumblebee as the Camaro played a cheerful soundbite, followed by a corny, “Friends- stick together!”

 

Man, what a bro

 

Boombait scratched at his little chest and spat out a fireball that slammed into the ground in front of the huddled humans. “Hurt creator! Boombait destroy!” 

 

“Affirmative!” Gifbait nodded, looking both nervous and determined as the armor on her arms shifted into fucking swords what the hell- “Creator Klikbait is ours!”

 

The woman stared at them for a long moment before letting out a sigh. “Stand down; NBE-2 will be released into the cybertronians’ custody. We cannot afford to fight our allies when there are other extraterrestrial threats among us.”

 

“Understood!” The soldiers said and lowered their weapons.

 

“This is not over yet, Prime,” the woman told him sternly. “But we will return to the subject once the safety of our planet has been guaranteed. Until then-,” she glared at Julian as he stuck out his tongue at her. “- keep a tight leash on that one. I don’t want to explain to the higher ups about why we’re letting a dangerous machine roam around freely in our base of operations.”

 

“Of course,” Optimus responded. The other terminators snorted.

 

“Come on then,” she snapped. “We need to debrief.”

 

“We will be with you in a few minutes,” Optimus said carefully. “Klikbait and his young will need to be introduced to their new comrades.”

 

The woman nodded. “You will have ten minutes. Do not delay.”

 

She turned and walked off, her soldiers following close behind her.

 

“So loud for someone so small,” Gifbait pinged at Julian. Julian only sent her an image of Boombait in response and she shook her head in amusement. “Creator Klikbait is silly.”

 

Boombait fluttered his armor and let the steam hiss out of him as he glared around at the other terminators. “Grah! Boombait not scared! Boombait strong!”

 

“Fuck yeah you are, Booms,” Julian laughed and held out an arm for his kid to tumble down safely onto the floor. “No one can say shit about your guts, buddy.” He leveled a bombastic side-eye to the other terminators and cracked a manic grin. “Right?”

 

“Yup.” “Right, right.” “Brat can take on a ‘con for sure-” came a chorus of voices as the other terminators approached curiously.

 

Optimus gestured to a white terminator that looked to be around the same height as Bumblebee and said, “Klikbait, this is Jazz, my First Lieutenant.”

 

“Whattup my man,” Jazz greeted with a lazy wave. “And lil shits.”

 

Julian smirked. “Yo.”

 

“This is Ratchet, our Chief Medical Officer,” a looming gunmetal terminator stomped over and leaned down to stare intently at him and his kids, and they stared back as his eyes cycled around, zooming in and out for a moment before he stepped back with a nod. “You all seem to be in decent condition- a damned miracle considering this rock we’re on.”

 

“Heh,” Julian reached up to pat Boombait’s head. “Honestly thought we’d be worse off, doc- seeing as how I just learned to fucking read.”

 

“You just learned what-?!” Ratchet said, alarmed. Optimus cleared his throat and brought Julian’s attention to the final terminator who scowled at him.

 

“And this here is Ironhide- one of the best warriors in our ranks,” Optimus said warmly. 

 

Ironhide snorted. “Don’t expect me to be nice and we’ll be good.”

 

“‘Kay” “Affirmative!” “Grah!” 

 

“Everyone,” Optimus said as he gestured over to Julian and his kids. “The holder of the AllSpark is Klikbait; the femme is called Gifbait, and the small mech is Boombait. We are to protect them at all costs- or risk the AllSpark falling into the wrong hands.”

 

He looked them over with a grave expression. “Ensure that the loss of human life is minimal, and unless they attack us first with the intent to kill-”

 

“-we will protect them from the Decepticons also,” he finished.

 

“I feel like I can take on the sun,” Julian pinged at his kids after they spent a minute in awed silence.

 

“Please don’t, Creator Klikbait,” Gifbait pinged back earnestly. “You would melt!”

 

“Boombait is sun! Watch!” Boombait let out a high pitched giggle and let himself be engulfed in flames. 

 

“Creator! Creator! I AM SUN!” He shrieked happily as he flailed around at Julian’s feet. 

 

“You sure fucking are,” Julian snorted while Ratchet raced towards them with a yell of, “GET THE DAMN FIREHOSE! NOW!”

 

Pshhhhhhh!

 

“NO! BOOMBAIT WAS SUN! AHHH!”

 

Chapter 10

Summary:

the kids and Julian play tetris- also more babies are made :V

 

Julian and his kids sat together as far away from the humans and other terminators as possible as they quietly discussed the events leading up to them being brought in and not the rubix cube of ultimate creation/destruction. Julian, meanwhile, jerry rigged a random feature on his HUD and pinged the result over to Gifbait and now they were both playing robot tetris as Boombait dozed where he was sandwiched between Julian’s head and shoulder.

 

Gifbait let out a quiet cheer when she hit a new record, and Julian cackled. “Just wait, Gif- your pops will take the crown back!”

 

“I will simply overtake you, creator Klikbait!” She responded and the ding of another record being broken echoed across their shared HUD. “Hah!”

 

“C’mon, c’mon!” Julian stuck out his tongue in concentration until his HUD echoed out its own victorious little ding, and he couldn’t help the giggle he let out at the sound. “Yes!”

 

“-ikbait!” Optimus’ voice suddenly fizzled into his mind and he jerked his head up before letting out a sad, “Aw man,” when his HUD played his special ‘game over’ sound effect; the sound being a fun little mix of Mario music and interspersed with shitty kazoo covers. Beside him, Gifbait pumped her fist excitedly and said, “Victory!”

 

“What,” Julian huffed, minimizing his HUD to focus back on the meeting, blinking at the sight of everyone staring right at him. “Eh? What is it?”

 

The lady from earlier sat at the far end of their debriefing table, beside her was a guy whose name was persimmons, or something. Persimmons gestured over to him with a frown. “We would like to know how you came to reproduce in such a short amount of time- Optimus mentioned it having to do with something involving the missing Cube; will you be able to explain the process to us?”

 

“Uh, sure.” Julian scratched his head before carefully depositing Boombait onto Gifbait’s lap. She was still absorbed in her tetris game, but shifted herself to accommodate her spark-brother’s sudden placement; Boombait purred and continued to sleep.

 

Julian stretched and shook out his plating and walked over to the humans and terminators. He stood a short distance away and crossed his arms. “Though keep in mind- I still don’t really get what my fucking baby maker does, or even why it does it. I could probably show you.” 

 

Fuck, that would mean I’d have to look after another kid, he thought, already regretting his offer; the other terminators, if anything, looked fucking stoked.

 

Persimmons shared a glance with the lady who frowned and shook her head minutely. Persimmons gave her a pleading expression and she rolled her eyes before motioning for him to ‘go for it,’ and he turned to look back at Julian with a nod. “Proceed.”

 

“Cool,” Julian reached down and snatched up a laptop that had a phone sitting on top of it. He squinted down at the stickers that covered the laptop and sent a judging look over at the human who scrambled away. “Watch and learn motherfuckers.”

 

He popped open his chest, the action catching the attention of his kids who shot up excitedly once they realized what he was about to do. He grinned at their cheers as he dropped the items into his chest, and shut it.

 

Items items ITEMS-

 

“Oh fuck me,” he hissed as his chest began to thrum and rattle. “I meant to do just the fucking laptop!”

 

Persimmons and the lady shot up at his words with twin expressions of alarm; the terminators all leaned in with growing excitement as Julian sighed in defeat and let his chest pop back open-

 

“Fatherrrr!” “C-rea-t-t-or!” Two high-pitched little voices chirped out from within, and Julian delicately scooped his two new children up into his hand, staring at them with wide eyes.

 

“Christ,” he said looking between a pair of glowing red eyes and the other two pairs of blue eyes. “Y’all just get smaller and smaller, dontcha?”

 

The laptop had turned into a little robot, smaller than Boombait, with an almost deer-like face. With amusement, Julian realized that one of the laptop’s stickers was smack dab in the middle of her forehead. Figures the evil-looking one has a peace sign on her fucking face. 

 

He squinted down at her, and she hissed up at him, her little eyes flashing excitedly. “Fatherr! Fatherrrr!” 

 

Julian snorted. “I’ll call you Bingbait.”

 

“Yessss! I am Bingbait! I will ssserve you foreverr!” Bingbait crowed, clawing at the metal of his hands gleefully. “Bingbait iss loyal!”

 

“Haha okay-” Julian shifted his gaze from his psychotic daughter over to his other kid- who was completely quiet despite her earlier mention of his, er, title. “Aw, you’re even tinier.”

 

And she really, really was tiny; her body was not bipedal like himself and literally every other terminator he’d come across/made. This kid looked like a jumping spider- only with four scissor-like legs instead of eight; her four eyes were small, blinking things and the center of her face had a static-laced screen- also in the middle like Bingbait’s sticker. 

 

Julian blinked. “Huh- I guess you two could be considered twins- I’m naming you Ringbait.”

 

Ringbait played a cheerful doodoo and the screen on her face displayed a smiley face.

 

“Oh my god,” he whispered, bringing his hand closer to his face. “You have emojis?!”

 

“Creator Klikbait! May we see?” Gifbait pleaded as she seemingly teleported right next to him, already trying to peek at her newest siblings. Boombait was no better as he was already crawling across Julian’s body to jump into his hands.

 

Julian snorted and tilted his hands so Gifbait could see the twins better, and didn’t notice the alarmed voices shouting at them from behind their huddle. 

 

“Your newest baby sisters; Bingbait and Ringbait. Girls, this is your big sis Gifbait and that little shit next to you is your older brother Boombait. Say hi and try not to kill each other,” Julian said as he glanced at all of his kids. Maybe I am going to have a terminator army at the rate I’m bringing these kids into the world.

 

Julian shrugged. Eh, that’ll be a problem for future me to figure the fuck out.

 

“Bingbait: ssuperior!” Bingbait hissed, swiping at Boombait who dodged her claws with a snarl. He spat a fireball at her face that dispersed harmlessly across her body. “Insssolencee!” 

 

Gifbait poked gently at Ringbait, who peeped up at her and waggled her tiny legs in greeting. Bingbait hissed when Ringbait scuttled onto Gifbait’s arm, and was quick to follow after her twin and she, in turn, was chased after by Boombait.

 

“Man,” Julian said, grinning so wide he felt like his face would break in half. “I love you guys.”

 

Behind him, he could make out a faint explosion, and the yelling kicked up another notch.

 

---

 

Bumblebee and Jazz had needed to work off steam and went out for a drive after more or less threatening the humans after they asked to take the twins away- Optimus was able to convince the humans to let the kids be, considering that they were sentient and also, y'know, children. 

 

Said humans had begrudgingly acquiesced but had asked if they were able to, at the very least, observe their interactions and behaviors.

 

Which is how they all found themselves more or less chilling in one of the bigger rooms while the kids did their own thing.

 

Optimus was in his semi-truck form, rumbling contentedly as Julian’s tiny kids ran around him, shrieking and squealing at one another in their somewhat lethal game of tag- not that Julian would tell the other terminators that it was lethal. He was no fucking snitch.

 

“Perissshhh!” Bingbait hissed as she leapt down from Optimus’ hood to tackle Boombait onto the ground- her spark-brother roaring at her in response before kicking her off with a shrieked, “BOOMBAIT: STRONG!”

 

“Therrree can only bee onee!” Bingbait said darkly, raising her little claws up into the air as they crackled with electricity. From Optimus’ driver’s side window Ringbait popped her head out with a quiet beep, and her screen displayed a sad face.

 

“Therre can bee twooo!” Bingbait amended.

 

Ringbait cheeped happily.

 

Boombait screeched and tackled Bingbait and they rolled under Optimus and out of sight, though everyone could still hear them scratching, biting, and hissing at one another.

 

“Look at them, Gif,” Julian said with a sniff. “They’re perfect.”

 

“Yes, creator Klikbait,” Gifbait responded easily as she gave him a pat on the head. “This fact has not changed since you stated the initial sentence five minutes ago.”

 

“Still,” he pouted. “It needs to be said- the whole world needs to know.”

 

“Ugh,” Ironhide said from where he was lying on the floor. “Parental units; I forgot how unbearable they could be once there's a new spark.”

 

Despite the words themselves, Julian could make out the near-invisible happy squint in his eyes as he watched the kids play with one another. No one can resist the ‘bait charm.

 

“I'm still curious over the near instantaneous application of spark to human machinery,” Ratchet said from where he was carefully cleaning his buzzsaw arm. “Should we take them back to Cybertron we would most certainly need to refit the sparklings with the appropriate materials so they do not wear down over the years. Hmph. Something to look forward to.”

 

Ratchet held up his saw to the shitty light and tilted it this way and that before nodding, and the tool turned back into his arm.

 

Julian peered over at him curiously. “You can change their shit? Could you do that with me?”

 

“Naturally,” Ratchet snorted and he motioned at the human technology around him. “Of course we can't do anything with this human garbage considering that your base protoform is composed entirely of cybertronian metals; it would be incompatible. I'll only be able to modify your frame if we get our hands on the necessary materials, be it from dead frames or from a passing meteor.”

 

He then pointed to the kids. “Them however, I can modify with said human garbage- given that their protoform consists of the same material,” he paused and scanned Boombait when he raced by with a screech as he was being chased by a furious Bingbait. “Hm, all but Boombait. He's also made of cybertronian materials like yourself. Curious.”

 

Julian jolted and coughed. “Oh right that- uh, I may or may not have accidentally blown up a little robot dude and turned his corpse into Booms there.”

 

Ratchet and Ironhide stared at him, and Julian could practically sense the silent judgement coming from Optimus.

 

“It wasn't on purpose!” Julian defended. “I didn't realize my hand was still on fire- and he was trying to get into my chest. If anything it's his own damn fault for getting blasted!”

 

“Hm,” Optimus said and waited for Ringbait to exit his cab before turning back into his terminator form. “Could you describe this ‘robot’ to us?”

 

Julian nodded, paused, then wiggled his hand uncertainly. “Eh, he was a tiny little fucker- skinny, too. Couldn't figure out what he was saying but he didn't seem entirely dangerous. Uh, that's all I can remember.”

 

There was a long pause, and then suddenly-

 

“Oh Primus!” Ironhide laughed hysterically as he slammed his fist into the ground repeatedly. “You wrecked Frenzy?!” 

 

Chapter 11

Summary:

Julian has feelings, makes a camera, and doesn't get enough sleep

 

After hearing that Julian had essentially cannibalized another robot’s kid to make Boombait, he couldn’t really stop thinking about it. The idea of one of his kids going out like that made Julian feel things.

 

And then the thought of that Soundwave guy coming here to take Boombait away just because he was made from Frenzy slammed into Julian’s brain at full tilt, and something in his chassis pulsed.

 

He didn’t like the thought. 

 

So when Boombait began to sleepily make his way towards him, Julian was quick to snatch up his kid into his han- servos. 

 

Julian peered down at Boombait in his hand- servos, motherfucker- silently cataloging all of his little pieces that made Boombait, well, Boombait.

 

Boombait blinked up at him, his yellow eyes- optics, gotta get this new terminology down now or Ratchet’s gonna shove a gerbil up my- his yellow optics swiveling around curiously; Julian tracked the little movements of his plating, the subtly shifts whenever his kid used his intakes- the tiny puffs of barely visible steam that his tiny frame emitted.

 

Boombait crooned up at him in bemusement and began to gently nibble at one of Julian’s claws.

 

Julian gave him a pat, the weird feeling in his chassis going away at the ticklish sensation. “Yeah, you’re mine now- fuck whatever that Soundwave guy thinks; finders keepers, losers fuckin’ weepers.”

 

“Boombait is Boombait!” His kid sneered. “And creator is creator! Boombait only yours!” 

 

Julian beamed. “Right. Thanks, Booms.”

 

“Grah!”

 

---

 

After that little heart-to-heart, Julian settled the little guy in with the rest of his siblings where they were all in a snoozing pile of frames and limbs- Ringbait, to Julian’s immense amusement, had constructed herself a little nest of wires on a table closest to Gifbait and was cocooned in thin pieces of metal. Bingbait was facedown next to the nest, one of her claws grasping tightly to her twin’s leg, as if afraid the little spider would somehow fly away during recharge.

 

Low-key want y’all to stay like this forever, Julian thought, stepping back to watch as Boombait yawned and curled in tightly against Gifbait’s chassis. God, if only I could take a picture…

 

He blinked and his HUD opened up; he scanned through its code and snorted at the minimized tetris game that was paused on the side. He nudged it to the side and pulled up every program he could, and got to work.

 

The process took nearly three hours, but he was able to get his camera. Fuck yeah, technology, baby!

 

He turned to look at his recharging kids and snapped a quick picture, eyes shuttering for a moment as the image was stored into his processor. He looked it over and grinned.

 

Perfect

 

Still not feeling tired, Julian decided to wander around the quiet area; most of the humans that were there earlier had left, leaving only a small group behind to oversee ongoing projects and- Julian’s optics flicked to a number of hidden cameras- the terminators themselves. I’m dying on that hill- terminator just sounds cooler. 

 

His new camera was mainly to take pics of himself, his kids and the other terminators but-

 

The camera connected to the hidden ones around the room, and Julian hummed as he began to take a recording of himself walking in circles for an hour, and saved it for later. Never know when you’re gonna need a loop.

 

“Is everything alright, Klikbait?” Optimus’s voice rumbled softly from where he was sitting to the side, his previously dimmed optics now a searing blue as they stared into Julian’s fucking soul.

 

Was he watching me this whole fucking time? Spooky

 

“Er, yeah,” Julian cleared his throat and gestured to the entrance of the building. “Any idea when Bumbles and Jazz are coming back? Thoughts? Concerns?” He paused for a moment, then added in a whisper, “Theories?”

 

The larger mech chuckled softly before standing up to walk over to Julian. “No need to worry; Bumblebee and Jazz have decided to turn their outing into a scouting mission. They have been sending me reports every megacycle.”

 

Megacycle filtered through Julian’s processor and spat out 2.6 hours. “Huh, cool.”

 

Optimus looked at him for a moment. “How long have you been on Earth, Klikbait?”

 

Julian thought about it for a moment before shrugging half-heartedly. “Dunno, lost track after a bit- probably a lifetime by now though.” If you count me being a human before all this transmigration bullshit, that is.

 

“I am sorry,” Optimus said gently.

 

“Eh, what for?” Julian asked, confused.

 

“You have been alone for a very long time, friend,” the terminator told him severely. “Long enough that, from what I have been able to observe, you have forgotten many things about our home, and about yourself.” Optimus turned his gaze to Julian’s kids and his optics softened. “But, I promise you that once all of this is over, and the AllSpark has been returned, you and your family will have a place on Cybertron, with us.”

 

Julian felt his optics widen, and he looked away with a grunt. “Yeah.. I’ll hold you to it, big guy.” 

 

His spark thrummed warmly, and he subtly rubbed at his chassis. 

 

So many goddamn feelings today, Julian thought as Optimus delicately nudged him towards his kids in a quiet attempt to get him to go the fuck to recharge. Yeesh, I hope every conversation isn’t like this- my heart-spark thing can’t take this shit.

 

---

 

“Oh my god, oh my god- what- what are you?!”

 

Julian shot up with a slurred, “What is it? I can take ‘em- easy!” 

 

His kids were no better and they tumbled out of their places with shrieks, growls and random bouts of combustion, and before long they were all looking around wildly for the source of the commotion.

 

Julian’s unfocused gaze landed on a human who had his back against the wall, beside him was Bumblebee who had his face in his hands, like the world itself could not bare to see just how fucking stressed he was.

 

“The fuck did you do, Bumbles?” Julian huffed and began to walk towards his friend, shifting his plating enough for Bingbait, Ringbait and Boombait to crawl onto as they peered over at the human that had woken them up with matching expressions of hostility. Well, Ringbait was displaying a ‘>:V’ on her screen, but the vibe was the same.

 

No one liked being woken up out of the blue, after all.

 

Gifbait knocked her shoulder into Julian’s tiredly, and blinked sluggishly at the human. “Too l-lou-d,” she mumbled, static lacing her words.

 

“I’m so sorry!~ feel like somebody’s~ following me!” Bumblebee burbled, pointing down at the human, who pushed himself closer to the wall with wide, terrified eyes.

 

“I was- I- you’re?! How?!” The human said uselessly. Julian scowled and loomed over him, making the guy shrink away with a sob.

 

“Ay,” Julian said and reached over to poke him in the stomach. “Next time, freak out quietly. Me and my kids are trying to get some fucking Z’s, bro.”

 

Beside him, Gifbait nodded sleepily. “Mhm.”

 

“I- you- kids?” The human said, wheezing. He looked between Julian, Gifbait, and the tiny faces peeking out from his armor with something like realization. And then he whipped his head to look at Bumblebee and the realization turned into utter horror. 

 

“Oh my god- my car had babies?!” The human shrieked.

 

Julian facepalmed.

 

---

 

The human’s name is Sam Witwicky, and apparently Bumblebee was his runaway Camaro. Because of course he was.

 

Julian squinted at Bumblebee who slumped in embarrassment, something Gifbait gleefully reported to Julian with a loud, “His field is radiating shame, creator Klikbait!”

 

He had snorted and given her a pat on the arm before letting some of his tiny kids crawl onto her plating- Boombait being the only one to stick around where he was laying on top of his head. “Thanks for the report, Gif. Why don’t you show your sisters how to play that game we played earlier?”

 

“Yes, creator Klikbait!” She chirped before darting over to sit next to Optimus who was conversing quietly with Ratchet and Ironhide; he glanced down at Gifbait curiously but turned his attention back to his comrades when all she did was settle beside his pedes. 

 

“Alright! You-” Julian pointed at Sam who looked up at him nervously. “- are now gonna be his-” he leveled a glare at Bumblebee. “- responsibility. I’ve already got my kids. Now you get your own. Congrats, you’re a father now, etc., etc., live long and fucking prosper.”

 

“-NOT the father! Why can’t we be friends?~” Bumblebee said, folding his servos in a way that made it look like he was praying to Julian.

 

Julian shrugged and looked at his claws. On his head, Boombait spat out a green fireball with a cackle. “Up to you, Bumbles. Friend or child. Either way, this guy’s stuck with us.”

 

“Hey, woah, hang on!” Sam held up his hands. “I can’t stay- I’ve already got my own family and- and they’re probably worried about me since I’ve been missing for, like, the entire night now.”

 

“So?” Julian snorted and reached up to cradle Boombait with one of his servos. “They’ll probably think you’re off fucking a chick, or something.”

 

“Aha~ yeah, totally,” Sam said awkwardly. 

 

Julian deadpanned. “My god- you’re a loser, aren’t you?”

 

Was Julian projecting onto this insecure kid? Yes, absolutely. Was he ashamed? Nope.

 

“I just- wait! No! I can’t stay! I have to go home!” Sam snapped. “I mean, it’s crazy that you guys are real but I can keep a secret. I won’t say a fucking word!”

 

“I’m afraid we can’t let you go home just yet until we’ve provided security detail for you, kid,” persimmons said as he walked in through a side door, the lady nowhere to be seen. “You’re lucky you found these guys and not the ones that want all of humanity dead.”

 

“What,” the kid said.

 

Julian snorted as the kid started getting the ‘so you discovered extraterrestrial beings in a government facility’ talk from persimmons, and blinked when he felt a nudge from Bumblebee, and when he looked over, his friend was holding up a canister of gasoline to him as a peace offering.

 

“For~ YOU!” He said pushing the canister into Julian’s servos hopefully.

 

Julian hummed and accepted it. “Okay, you’re forgiven for waking me and the kids up with your drama, Bumbles. But, if it happens again, not even your crotch will be safe from our claws.”

 

Bumblebee let out an alarmed chirp and darted away as Julian and Boombait cackled.

 

Chapter 12

Summary:

Wherein Julian clarifies some shit that doesn't really get the intended results, plans are derailed, and bombs are discussed

 

It didn’t take long before Julian realized that something wasn’t quite right; for one, Bumblebee was here and Jazz wasn’t, though the other terminators seemed chill about that fact so maybe the dude was alright; and for two-

 

He slowly turned his head to lock eyes with Sam- who immediately looked away with a flush and proceeded to stare resolutely at a wall. Okay then.

 

“Ay, Bumbles,” Julian muttered, knocking his helm against the other terminator’s arm who cheerfully nudged into the contact as if it were the most normal thing in the world. “Why’s that Sam kid being all fucking weird?” 

 

Bumblebee peered around Julian to look at Sam before looking back at him with a shrug. “Who knows- teenagers scare the living shit out of me~”

 

Julian sighed. “Tell me about it…”

 

After a few minutes of silence, Julian let out an annoyed grunt and glared at Sam who, once again, whipped his head around to pretend as if he wasn’t staring at him again.

 

Fuck this shit

 

“Kid, Sam, Sammy-boy,” Julian said cheerfully as he leaned over the kid who yelped at his sudden closeness. “Tell me, is there something on my goddamn face? What’s so interesting about it, buddy? Mind sharing with the class before I decide to turn you into a fucking smear on the ground-” 

 

He was cut off when Bumblebee gently grabbed him by the arms and slowly lifted him up and proceeded to march him towards his pile of kids who all looked up and cheered at the sight of him getting hauled over like the world’s saddest sack of shit. 

 

He was dropped down in front of Gifbait- who immediately leaned over to give him a happy hug, and he let out a sigh before returning it. Bumblebee settled down beside him with a burst of static that could’ve been words, but was probably his version of a sigh.

 

“Tch, it’s not like I would’ve actually crushed the guy,” Julian pouted, watching as Ringbait scuttled across Gifbait’s frame to settle onto Bumblebee’s helm. “I just wanted to know why he’s being all-” he lifted his servos up and wiggled his claws. “-creepy.”

 

Bumblebee squinted happily up at Ringbait, even as he said, “Oh I don’t know~ sometimes kids can be- oddballs!”

 

The subject of his potentially hazardous inquiry wandered over with a sheepish expression, and said, “Look, I’m sorry for all the staring- but, like, what am I supposed to think? You and my- my car had babies, man. It’s just so weird-”

 

Oh my god, Julian thought in horror. We never cleared this up, did we?

 

“Ayo, hold the fuck up there, buddy!” Julian wheezed waving his arms around frantically as if he could stop that goddamn thought right in its fucking tracks, thank you. “Me n’ Bumbles here did not make these little fuckers- that was all me, bro.” 

 

Bumblebee, meanwhile, had buried his helm into his servos and was playing a looping laugh track as his shoulders shuddered and shook; on his helm, Ringbait clung on for dear life as his frame trembled violently beneath her, her face displaying an alarmed ‘:O’. 

 

Julian rolled his optics and focused back down at a confused looking Sam, though not before extending a claw to keep his little spider child from tumbling onto the ground. 

 

“Why do you think I had kids with this dude?” Julian asked, nodding his helm at said dude who was now wheezing on the floor while Ringbait- who was no longer being supported by Julian- delicately tapped at Bumblebee’s face with a tiny leg. At this point, both Bingbait and Boombait had perked up from where they had been idly watching Gifbait play robot tetris- the both of them eyeing Bumblebee with a glint in their optics.

 

“Uh,” Sam said awkwardly. “I guess I just sort’ve assumed? You popped up with all of these babies and I thought they kind of looked a little like Bee? And then I thought that since you’re a dude that maybe not- but then I thought ‘hey, they’re clearly aliens so maybe stuff is a little different’, and uh he also gave you something earlier, so I just- yeah.”

 

Julian sighed and rubbed his face with a servo. “No- just, no. I made these kids- literally. Gifbait there was a Honda before my whole AllSpark-heart thing decided to bring her to life on a whim; Boombait over there was also an accident when I stuffed another robot into my chest, and then he was just there; Bingbait and Ringbait were more or less on purpose to show the humans how the fuck my whole baby-makin’ thing works- so, I was actually being serious when I said that it was all me. I made these kids. No other donor, got it?”

 

Sam nodded frantically. “Yeah, okay- got it. Totally.” 

 

Julian squinted down at him suspiciously when Sam cast a sideways glance over at Bumblebee who was now acting as a jungle gym for all of his tiny kids, and hissed, “The fuck is that look for?”

 

“Nothing! Nope, just, uh, gonna go over here now- bye!” Sam said quickly before darting over to Optimus who kneeled down to speak with the anxious teenager who babbled nonsensically about this and that; Julian honestly could not bring himself to care- the kid was somehow more exhausting than all of his kids combined. Maybe I’m just used to robots now. Or maybe I’m just used to my kids.

 

Speaking of-

 

“Fatherrr!” Bingbait crowed from where she stood atop the chassis of a ‘fallen’ Bumblebee who shuttered his optics in amusement. “Bingbait hasss defeated the Bumblesss!”

 

Julian chuckled and wandered over to gently poke her on the head, to her delight. “Good job, my little murder-bot.”

 

“Yessss!”

 

Boombait crawled out from the plating in between Bumblebee’s neck and shoulders, and screeched, “Boombait helped! No take all credit, Bing!”

 

Bingbait sneered at him. “You did nothing!”

 

“Boombait did!”

 

“Boombait did not!”

 

Before long, both siblings began to attack one another and rolled off of Bumblebee to smack onto the floor where they continued their screeching tussle.

 

Ringbait took her place atop Bumblebee’s chassis, and flashed a, ‘>:D’ and raised her two front legs to waggle them victoriously in the air.

 

Julian giggled, not noticing the way Sam’s head whipped back around to stare between him and Bumblebee again. “Yeah, I guess that means you’re the real champion here, Ringy.”

 

‘:3’ her screen flashed, and she waggled her legs again.

 

---

 

“Autobots,” Optimus said from the center of the room some time later. “It appears that Jazz has managed to confirm the presence of Blackout here on Earth- though, concerningly enough, Scorponok has been seen disengaging from his carrier- undoubtedly, acting as a scout now that Barricade has been dealt with.”

 

Julian cocked his head at the names; he didn’t recognize any of them, but he more or less got that this Barricade guy was probably the obliterated terminator that Optimus and Bumblebee had left behind at the junkyard. But the others…

 

Ughhhh

 

“Yay,” Julian deadpanned. “More weirdos out to grope me.”

 

“Ah, that’s a pain in the ass, for sure,” Ironhide grumbled as he reached down to pull out a knife from his leg, which he began to toss up and down in his servo. “‘Cons are already bad- they’re worse when they’re slagging fanatics.” He jabbed the knife into the air and sneered. “I say we track down Scorponok and ambush that piece of scrap while we’ve still got the element of surprise.” 

 

Optimus shook his head. “And there our element of surprise will go. Megatron will find out about our presence and send out his aerial units immediately should we go after such a high-profile target. So far, the Decepticons have not appeared to link Barricade’s disappearance with us. We must remain hidden for now.”

 

Ironhide settled down with a grumble, though not before stabbing his knife into the cement. Boombait skittered over to look at it and attempted to bite the handle only to get snatched up by the weapons specialist who looked at the sparkling with an unimpressed expression.

 

“You can’t eat that, brat,” Ironhide growled. Boombait swung his claws out at him with an irritated hiss.

 

“No leave where Boombait eat then!” Boombait snapped back.

 

Julian wandered over to grab his feral child and stuck a claw into his mouth- and Boombait immediately began to chew on the digit huffily, to everyone’s amusement.

 

“So,” Julian started, peering around at everyone. “That dorito guy didn’t see you guys mess up that Barricade dude?”

 

Gifbait, surprisingly, was the one to speak up next. “Creator Klikbait, the explosion sent him flying away before the others showed up- possibility of him seeing them: very unlikely.”

 

Julian let out a low whistle. He thought the fucker had flown away- but getting blown away was even better. “Guess nuking all the fuel was worth it. Kinda. It was a lot of fuel, I’m still bitter about it.”

 

Bumblebee perked up, his optics widening. “BIG BOOM!- was all you~?” 

 

Julian puffed up with a grin, letting the smallest amount of smoke curl out from his mouth even as steam hissed out from between his plating. “Hell yeah, man. I mean- I was saving the fuel and gas for us to drink later but I guess it went to a good cause- that dorito bitch deserved to get blown up, even if he didn’t die.”

 

“If you don’t mind,” persimmons said, looking over at Julian. “But who is this ‘dorito bitch’ that you’re referring to?”

 

Julian opened his mouth, closed it, then said, “Well, if I knew his name I’d be happy to tell you, persimmons.”

 

“That’s not my-”

 

“Anyway,” Julian barreled on, gesturing to all the terminators. “I can send y’all a ping thing with a tetris version of what the guy looked like. Gimme a sec.”

 

He pulled up his HUD and began to construct the image of the dorito bitch, blinking when both Gifbait and Boombait hopped on to make adjustments to the model until they were all satisfied with the likeness, and then he sent over the image to all the other terminators who took a moment to look it over.

 

Optimus’s optics widened slightly before they flickered as he minimized his HUD. “Starscream.”

 

“Somehow I’m not surprised that that’s his name,” Julian said with a sigh.

 

“You’re one to talk,” Sam mumbled from where he was perched atop a platform. “Klikbait.”

 

Julian cheerfully raised a claw up to flick him away.

 

Bingbait cheered from where she was curled up on Ratchet’s servos. Next to her, Ringbait flashed a ‘10/10.’

 

Optimus was unimpressed.

 

“You’re- a damned bastard!” Bumblebee burbled from the floor where he lay after diving to catch the teenager before he could splatter onto the ground. Said teenager looked both frazzled and immensely annoyed by his predicament.

 

Julian smirked, shuffled Boombait onto his shoulder, and leveled two finger-guns at his friend. “And dontcha forget it, bro.”

 

---

 

It wasn’t long before Jazz returned, revving his engine loudly to announce his arrival before he transformed and walked over to the other terminators, fist bumping Bumblebee and waving at the others cheerfully. “I’m back, mechs and femmes!”

 

Julian, from where he was splayed out on his back with a pile of kids on his chassis, waved at him lazily without looking up. “Welcome back.”

 

Gifbait trotted over to greet Jazz before darting over to Julian where she leaned over him to scoop up Boombait into her arms. She plopped down next to them and nuzzled her spark-brother with a content little sigh. 

 

Boombait rumbled out a happy little purr and went limp in her hold.

 

Julian snapped a picture and shoved it into the folder he’d made in his processor labeled ‘my awesome kids shit.’ His spark pulsed happily.

 

“So, what’s the plan, big O?” Jazz asked as he stretched out his arms and pedes. “We doin’ recon, planning an ambush, or we gonna go and blow shit up- I’m down for blowin’ shit up personally, but you’re the boss.”

 

Julian perked up and his twins slid down his chassis to tumble into his lap with little squeals. “Oho? You like explosions too, man? Listen, if you need a bomb rigged up, I am the guy for the job; do you know how fucking awesome my explosions are?”

 

“For real? Can you actually put together a bomb on this dirt rock? One that’s strong enough to take one of us out?” Jazz asked, walking over to loom over Julian. Why is everyone so fucking tall this isn’t fair.

 

Man, I miss my armor and my spikes, Julian thought internally as he looked up into Jazz’s optics.

 

“Absolutely,” Julian hissed, his own optics flashing eagerly. “I’ve got explosive caches all over the place- didn’t have much else to do to pass the time before my kids came along, y’know? Here- I’ll send you some of my secret spots.” And with a ping all the terminators now had the location of fifteen of his scrabbled together bomb supplies.

 

Optimus, Ratchet, Ironhide and Bumblebee all stared at Julian. Persimmons and Sam were also staring, but Julian didn’t care as much about them.

 

Did they seriously think I was joking about the bomb shit? 

 

“What?” Julian said. “I did say I can make bombs- it’s your own fault if you guys didn’t take me seriously.”

 

“Jesus,” Sam said. “You’re a terrorist.”

 

“Creator make best booms!” Boombait chirped, bobbing his head. “Boombait also make booms!”

 

“There’s- two- of them,” Bumblebee whispered.

 

Ironhide snorted.

 

Chapter 13

Summary:

cabin fever, joyrides and patriotism

Notes:

*slaps on an edit* huehue

 

“Creator Klikbait,” Gifbait said in the quiet of HQ-2; Bumblebee had been saddled with the responsibility of taking Sam home while the others had left the base with the sole exception being Ratchet, what with him being their medic and all. “How long will we be in this place? I miss driving.”

 

Julian squinted over at her blearily. “Ah? Feeling cooped up?” He glanced around at his other kids who shuffled over with despondent expressions and limp antennae. “All of you feel the same, I’m guessing?”

 

At their morose nods, Julian sat back and scratched his helm with a claw thoughtfully. 

 

After confiding in the other terminators about his caches, they had been going in and out of their base over the past two days, bringing in supplies, having him and Ironhide make the explosives, before driving them back out to set up ambush points and traps. 

 

A part of Julian was stoked about potentially blowing up a bunch of creeps, but the other part of him understood what his kids were going through- because he felt the exact fucking same.

 

It’s just so boring sitting here and doing fuck-all

 

He cast a glance around the dark room, the humans that normally watched over them more preoccupied with studying Optimus’s battle plans rather than watching his kids. On the other end, Ratchet was quietly making adjustments to his own armor and weapons, not even aware of the conversation taking place some thirty yards away.

 

“Alright!” Julian said, bringing his kids into a huddle. “Here’s the plan…”

 

---

 

No one noticed when the cameras began to loop in on themselves- most of the observers having gotten used to Julian’s pacing over the past couple of days whenever he was unable to settle down to recharge; nor did anyone notice just how much quieter the base became after some time. It wasn’t until Ratchet glanced up from his work that he realized what had happened.

 

“Fragging youngsters!” He snarled and promptly COMM’d Optimus. “It’s Ratchet- the entire ‘bait clan has snuck out from headquarters.”

 

“We’re en route,” rumbled Optimus. “Autobots; meeting at headquarters- we have a family to find.”

 

---

 

Julian and Gifbait sped down the freeway with excited shouts and cheers; Ringbait, Bingbait and Boombait were all clustered together in Gifbait’s passenger seat as they peeked out of her windows excitedly.

 

With a slight jolt, it occurred to Julian that this would technically be the twins' first time out in the real world, and he pinged over a quick, “How we feeling Ring, Bing?”

 

“Ssso many lightssss!” Bingbait pinged back excitedly. “Want to crussshh!”

 

Ringbait pinged over a simple ‘>:3’

 

Why are all my tiny kids so feral? Julian mused before sending over directions to the nearest gas station to Gifbait, who received them with a bright, “Confirmative!”

 

Before long, they all pulled up to the gas station and his and Gifbait’s avatars quickly got to work disrupting cameras, something that went by much faster when Bingbait chittered out and evil laugh and simply shorted all of them out at the same time by slamming her claws into an electrical box, easily ducking under the camera positioned above it without being spotted.

 

At Ringbait's excited cheep, Julian turned around and watched as she skittered up the pillars and let out tiny bursts of energy, causing all the lights in her vicinity to explode in a shower of sparks and glass- bathing the gas station in complete darkness.

 

“Heh,” Julian said, letting his avatar flicker away as he transformed. He carefully scooped up his tiny girls into his servos and gave them a gleeful nuzzle. “You’re both goddamn naturals!” 

 

From where he'd been skittering around in circles, Boombait cackled and began to carve into a gas pump, easily finding the fuel lines where he promptly began to gulp down mouthfuls of the gasoline before stopping, letting out a satisfied burp. He then turned to wave over Ringbait and Bingbait with a cheerful, “Boombait show where find gas! Follow! Follow!”

 

Julian watched as Boombait showed the twins the best way to tunnel for fuel for a couple of minutes, feeling so damn proud of him before a familiar roar overhead had him tensing up. Are you fucking kidding me right now-

 

“Kids!” He hollered when he spotted a jet circling overhead in a concerning manner. “Get to cover! Now!"

 

Gifbait darted out from where she had been sipping at her siphoned gasoline and transformed, swinging her car doors wide open, waiting for her smaller siblings to scramble inside before slamming them shut. Without a moment's hesitation, she sped off into a parking lot across the street where she shut off all of her lights, effectively hiding them in the dark.

 

Julian felt the way his spark stuttered in relief once he was certain that they were safe before he turned to glare up at the jet as it flipped up into the air before spiraling down to land in front of him. 

 

The dorito bitch hadn't seen his kids- good.

 

How shit is this guy's eyesight?

 

“Scream guy,” Julian said with the fakest smile he could muster. “Nice to see you in one piece- not.”

 

“Wretched piece of slag!” Starscream sneered, tilting his head back and forth like a bug. “Because of you, Megatron has seen fit to call in more troops- troops that are draining our resources like the greedy slagging scraplets that they are!” He then marched over to loom over Julian- seriously, what is up with all of the fucking looming shit? I know I'm short but what the fuck- as he spat, "I should have torn off your helm from the first."

 

“Cry about it, bitch,” Julian said, flipping him off.

 

“Perish!” The terminator screeched before launching himself at Julian. “The AllSpark will be mine- and you will be no more!”

 

Julian cursed and turned into his motorcycle form where he promptly zoomed under the other’s grasping arms- pivoting around immediately to transform back into his terminator form, his pedes grinding against the pavement in a shower of sparks. He took a second to scan the area and his gaze landed on Gifbait's discarded bin of gasoline where it sat innocently against a wall. His optics lit up, and he grinned.

 

When Starscream whirled around with a snarl, Julian chucked the bin at his stupid fucking face, grinning when the other terminator took the bait and transformed his arm into a gun and blasted the now flying projectile- 

 

Only for the bin to explode in a fiery wave of burning liquid that splashed right onto his plating with a loud, crackling hiss.

 

"Score!" Julian shouted. "Man, you suck at this shit!"

 

“Raaargh!” Starscream shrieked, shaking himself off violently. “I’ll kill you! I’ll kill you!”

 

“Come at me, breh,” Julian snarked, even though he felt like he would explode with how fiercely his spark was beating against the inside of his chassis. “I can blow your ass up five ways to Sunday and still have enough ignition to turn your corpse into a baby.” 

 

Another thought occurred to Julian, and he couldn’t help the shit-eating grin that spread across his face as he cocked his hip and purred, “Soon- you’ll be calling me creator, too.”

 

Haha, Julian thought at the absolute murder that shone in the other’s optics. I’m gonna fucking die.

 

With an enraged roar, Starscream began to shoot at Julian wildly- the blasts slamming into the walls and pavement, sending concrete flying every which way as Julian yelped and dove behind whatever bit of cover he could find- which just so happened to be in the shape of an absolute unit of a truck.

 

Julian spared a moment to stare in bewilderment at the emblazoned American flag across its entire body before the truck was sent flying off into the darkness after being nailed with a direct hit from Starscream’s gun. 

 

I feel like I just witnessed something treasonous, Julian thought a little hysterically, not noticing the way the plating above his chassis shifted.

 

Julian startled when he felt sharp claws dig into his back, and he let out a pained cry as he was dragged up into the air where he was then brought face-to-face with the sneering terminator. He hissed when he felt the burning end of the other’s blaster press up against his chassis, his servos scrabbling to find purchase on the barrel of the weapon in a useless attempt to alleviate the pain in his back.

 

“Any last words, mech?” Starscream purred, the gun beginning to charge up with a whine.

 

Movement in Julian's peripheral caught his attention, and he let himself smirk. “Duck~” 

 

“What?” Starscream said, his red optics shuttering before he was then tackled into the ground by a blue blur.

 

“Creator Klikbait is ours!” Gifbait snarled and transformed her arms into those awesome swords of hers, which she immediately began to stab into Starscream’s body as he shrieked in confusion and agony. “You are inferior!”

 

“Get your filthy servos off-” Starscream wailed, raising his gun up to point at Gifbait’s face. Her optics narrowed at the action, and she bared her denta at him in a terrifying grin.

 

Distantly- as Julian struggled to get his aft off the ground and keep his kid from getting fucking killed- he wondered if maybe, just maybe, he was a bad influence.

 

A distant screech echoed out from the shadows before a barrage of green fireballs flew towards the downed terminator, slamming into his face at mach speeds, leaving blackened, scorched plating in their wake as Starscream squealed in pain.

 

A shriek came from above as Julian finally stumbled onto his pedes, and he stretched out an arm just in time as Ringbait slammed into his servo with an ominous boop, and his optics widened when his tiny daughter launched herself onto Starscream’s chassis where she proceeded to latch on- her little face opening up to reveal rows upon rows of serrated teeth which she used to mercilessly bite down onto the flyer's plating. Starscream let out a terrified screech and began to thrash- his violent struggles doing nothing but make Gifbait dig her swords deeper into his wings.

 

And then Ringbait started to hum. 

 

It would’ve seemed harmless if she hadn’t started pulsating with kinetic energy.

 

Starscream released a howl and flung out a clawed servo, his digits hooked in preparation to crush Ringbait.

 

Nope

 

Julian leapt forwards to pin the terminator’s arms down and slammed his helm against the other's face, relishing in the audible crack it emitted, and snarled, “You don't get to touch her!”

 

“Release me! I’ll kill you all! I’ll kill y-!” With a shrill whine Ringbait slammed her little legs through the armor of Starscream's chassis, puncturing straight into his spark chamber. Her humming ramped up to an unbearable level, and she let out a massive burst of- radiation holy god- Julian reared back in alarm, though he didn't release his grasp on the other terminator.

 

Starscream convulsed for a moment before going limp with a gurgle- his entire frame releasing a cloud of black smoke. His optics were completely black, but Julian could tell that the bastard wasn't dead- well, not entirely dead.

 

"Jesus," Julian panted, letting himself fall back. "That was- that was something alright."

 

"Ringbait: sssuperior!" Bingbait hissed from where she waited atop the gas station's roof; she leapt down- landing atop Julian's helm, her little claws somehow avoiding scratching his plating as she darted towards her sister. Ringbait beeped and flashed a '<3' to her twin. She awkwardly pulled her legs out from Starscream's limp form and waggled them at Bingbait happily, only to cheep in alarm when her sister tackled her to the ground in a constricting hug.

 

It was almost instinctual to snap a picture, even as Julian felt a wave of dizziness right after. Oof, can terminators suffer from blood loss? Or would this be shock?

 

Julian blinked sluggishly and then Boombait was in his face, his yellow optics staring at him nervously- and Julian registered his kid's little servos on his face. Huh, when did those get there?

 

"Creator okay?" Boombait chittered anxiously, his words summoning all of his kids to gather around him with worried expressions as they gently reached out to touch his dented and scorched plating. Gifbait made a distressed sound when she noticed the leaking punctures on his back, and transformed her swords back into servos, and began to frantically cover the injuries with them, as if hoping her digits could stop the flow of whatever was coming out of him.

 

Julian turned around with a wince and took her servos into his. He tugged her back over to the rest of his kids and gave them a bright smile. “Hey, I'm alright- just a couple of scratches, really. Your pops is too cool to go down that fuckin easy."

 

He peered around at all of them and reached out to tap at each of their helms with a chuckle, and said, "You were all awesome, by the way- I'm so goddamn proud of you!"

 

Watery optics brightened up at his words, and then Gifbait was reaching out to lift him up into her arms, mindful of his injuries while not paying any mind to his complaints of, “I can still walk, Gif!” 

 

When all Gifbait did was nuzzle into his helm with a little hum, Julian let out a resigned huff of breath and glared down at Starscream’s comatose form on the ground. “Er, what the fuck do we do with this guy?”

 

They all stared at the smoking terminator in silence for a moment, when suddenly-

 

“May I be of assistance, creator?” A deep voice said from the shadows.

 

Julian felt his optics widen completely when a familiar patriotic patterned terminator stepped into the light, massive and majestic and with bright, white optics to match.

 

“Oh my fuck,” Julian wheezed, even as the rest of his kids burst out into excited babbling. “What- when?!” 

 

Julian's gaze dropped down to his chassis, and he felt his optic twitch when the plating there ruffled. 

 

His spark pulsed cheerfully.

 

The terminator bowed his helm, dragging Julian's attention away from his chassis to look at his new child, who locked optics with him. “Forgive my abrupt appearance, creator. We may go over the details of what has transpired once we have ensured that all parties are sequestered away from prying optics.”

 

He transformed, and soon that proud emblazoned American truck sat in his place. “Place the filth who dared attack our creator upon my wagon, spark-sister, and together, we shall venture onwards to our safe harbor.”

 

Gifbait nodded cheerfully and slowly set Julian onto his pedes before she non-too-gently grabbed onto one Starscream's fucked up wings and heaved him into her new spark-brother’s truck bed. She then secured the unconscious terminator with a few cables Boombait brought over that he'd ripped up from the trashed gasoline pumps.

 

Once all the cables were secured, she stepped back and glanced over at Julian uncertainly. 

 

He rolled his optics and transformed, showing her that he was fine.

 

Just in case, he said, "I'm good, Gif. Just a little sore, is all."

 

Somewhat reassured, she also transformed as well and the smallest ‘baits clamored into her vehicle once again, still chittering excitedly amongst themselves at the sudden and unexpected addition to their ever-growing family.

 

Julian wasn’t sure what to name this patriotic child of his, if he was being honest. And after some internal debate, he pinged the question over to him as they drove back to HQ-2. “Ay, do you want to be a ‘bait?”

 

The truck pinged back almost instantly. “I would like nothing more, creator.”

 

Julian felt like he was tripping on some crazy drugs- unless he was actually suffering from blood loss.

 

“Alright then, it’s settled; your name is Starbait,” he told him.

 

His HUD flashed a red alert at him, and he minimized it without looking. 

 

Starbait pinged him an image of a soldier prostrating before a flag, followed by, “You have blessed me with a strong name, creator. I am pleased.”

 

What the actual fuck is my life? Julian thought feverishly. His HUD flashed another red alert at him.

 

He minimized that one too.

 

---

 

Their arrival to HQ-2 was fairly chaotic, seeing as they drove in right as every single one of the terminators at base was about to head out in a massive search for them.

 

Any and all interrogations and scoldings were put on an abrupt pause when Starbait rolled in with a stasis-locked Starscream on his truck bed. Introductions were hurriedly made and soon Starscream was carried off into one of the extra cryostasis chambers the humans apparently had on hand. How convenient. 

 

Julian approached Ratchet on unsteady pedes, and pointed at his back and asked, "Ay, so- can we experience blood loss?"

 

The expression on the medic's face was downright hilarious.

 

It was definitely less hilarious when Julian found himself face down on the floor with said medic hovering over him with a massive welding tool pressing down on his back in slow, burning lines.

 

Bumblebee slowly laid down right beside him with a glint in his optics- his gaze catching on Julian's newest child where he sat in between his older siblings, his towering form comical given that he was getting advice from Boombait, seeing as Gifbait was dozing against his shoulder.

 

“Don’t. Start,” Julian growled at him, wincing at a particularly aggressive jab from Ratchet’s welder. "Bumbles, I swear to god-"

 

“Oh say can you see~ YOU ARE THE FATHER!” Bumblebee crowed before dodging away from the claws that Julian swatted at him with a shriek of, “WHEN I GET OFF THIS FUCKING FLOOR, YOU’RE DEAD! YOU HEAR ME, BUMBLES? DEAD!”

 

A laugh track echoed back at him, and Julian let out a low growl. "Ugh- that motherfucker-"

 

“Congratulations,” Ratchet said easily as he sanded down the welded lines on Julian’s back. “You are now the creator of not one, not two- but five sparklings. May Primus have mercy on your processor, Klikbait. Although, knowing what I do of you- it certainly won't end at that.”

Julian groaned and thumped his helm against the floor.

 

Chapter 14

Summary:

Julian gets a reality check and Bumblebee is a good friend

 

Julian shifted beneath Optimus’s burning gaze and cleared his throat. “Uh, what’s up, big guy?”

 

Optimus’s optics narrowed. “You did a foolish thing today, Klikbait. I trust that I do not need to explain what it is?”

 

Julian scowled, and his gaze drifted over to his kids who were taking turns getting picked up and tossed into the air by a smiling Starbait.

 

His scowl softened, and he sighed. Turning to look back up at Optimus, he said, “Yeah, yeah I know. I put my kids in danger, blah, blah, blah- but, uh, not to put a damper on your whole speech I’m sure you’ve got planned in that helm of yours- a bored ‘bait family is definitely worse than getting sniped by a bunch of airborne weirdos.”

 

Julian recalled an incident involving a bored Boombait, a human child, and a dumpster full of screaming plastic chickens, and shuddered. 

 

Never again, he thought darkly.

 

A servo on his helm snapped him back to the present conversation and he stared up at Optimus’s tired expression. “That is true, Klikbait- but I meant that you were nearly killed in front of your children; Ratchet assured me that your injuries were not severe, but a sparkling would not know the difference. They will only see that their creator is hurting- and that is something that will linger in their minds for a very long time.”

 

Julian scrubbed a servo over his face, his processor suddenly recalling with perfect clarity the terrified expression on Gifbait’s face as she stared down at him with fluid-stained servos, and uttered a weak, “Fuckin’ shit.” 

 

I suck

 

“You must learn to take care of them, as well as yourself, without putting anyone in harm’s way, Klikbait,” Optimus said softly, letting his servo drop down to grasp Julian’s shoulder. 

 

With a gentle squeeze, he was released; and Julian watched as the larger terminator walked off, heading towards the cryostasis chamber where Starscream was being held- the muffled shrieking of the Decepticon still managing to bleed through the thick walls of their base despite persimmons assuring them that everything was supposed to be soundproof.

 

What do you know, Julian thought humorlessly. His name really does suit him

 

Julian stood there in silence for a while, letting the chirping laughter of his kids wash over him as he let himself think.

 

I’m a single dad with a fuckton of kids who give a shit about me, he thought with a slow intake of air. He released it in a cloud of steam. Alright, big guy. I see what you’re saying.

 

He glanced back at his kids and let a wry smirk pull at his faceplate.

 

I’ve just gotta get better at doing this whole terminator thing

 

He shook himself off, his plating rattling loudly at the motion before he raised a servo up to his chassis, and tapped at it with a single claw. The quiet ting-ting of metal on metal catching Bumblebee’s attention from where he stood off to the side as he watched over the kids.

 

“Hey, AllSpark fucker” Julian said, unaware of his audience. “Just so you know- no matter how many kids you throw at me, or how many terminators come after my aft because of you- I’m gonna be good. I’m gonna be so fucking good that I’ll learn to keep these little fuckers safe forever and wreck anyone who wants to hurt them and me, you hear?”

 

His spark pulsed, and Julian got the impression that it was saying ‘loud and clear.’

 

Julian relaxed. “Great. I’m gonna go take a fucking nap.”

 

He turned to do just that and smacked right into Bumblebee.

 

“Is it too late to say I’m sorry~?” Bumblebee sang as he reached out to stabilize Julian, who jokingly swatted the other’s servos away with a hiss.

 

“Ow- yeah, you dick. What are you standing around here for, anyway? D’you need something from me?” Julian asked, rubbing at his faceplate, grumbling at the weird buzzing of quickly fading pain he could still feel. “Or are you just here to make fun of me popping out kids like a stripper in LA?”

 

Why did I just call myself a fucking stripper? Julian thought to himself bemusedly as he squinted into the distance, going over his previous sentence as if it had the answers to the universe itself.

 

Bumblebee waving a servo in his face snapped him out of his confusing spiral of thoughts and he shook his helm. “Right- well, which is it, Bumbles?”

 

His friend shook his head, and said, “First thing!- we are who we are~ and you’re wonderful!”

 

Julian stared. 

 

Huh?

 

Bumblebee gave him a pat on the helm. “Second!- we all make mistakes- BUT!- that’s life~”

 

“I-” Julian started before clearing his throat. “Yeah, okay.”

 

“Bring it in-!” Bumblebee crowed and before Julian could figure out what the fuck he meant, he was already being picked up and crushed against Bumblebee’s chassis.

 

“AY!” Julian shrieked, struggling against the other’s death grip in an attempt to escape. “You’re crushing me, Bumbles! Ay!”

 

“What’s the password~?” Bumblebee asked cheerfully, somehow managing to tighten his hug even more. 

 

Julian panicked. “Uh- let me fucking go?”

 

An angry buzzer met his audials, and Julian huffed. “Let me fucking go, please?”

 

This time, he was met with a loud, “Good enough- I suppose, lad-” and his pedes were back on solid ground. Julian glared up at Bumblebee, and tried to stop the smile that wanted to crawl onto his faceplate. No, Julian! Do not enable this fucker!

 

Bumblebee’s optics squinted down at him knowingly before he turned to walk back to where he had been standing before, glancing back to throw out a quick, “Goodnight, sleep- snug like a bug in a rug.”

 

Julian shook his head and went to do just that.

 

And if he was smiling just a little bit, then no one except his kids needed to fucking know, thank you very much.

 

---

 

Julian jolted awake with a confused mumble, his optics glancing around expectantly, before landing on Gifbait’s lonely figure where she sat a few yards away with her arms around herself.

 

Julian’s processor sharpened when he noticed that she was shaking.

 

“-and that is something that will linger in their minds for a very long time-” 

 

He carefully extracted himself from his pile of kids, settling Boombait on top of Starbait with Ringbait and Bingbait following soon after. He quietly walked over and sat down beside his daughter, who looked over at him with dimmed optics. 

 

She leaned against him, and Julian let her.

 

They sat like that for the rest of the night, and when Gifbait’s optics eventually shuttered, Julian still did not move.

 

“I’ll be here, Gif,” Julian said quietly to his recharging child. “You don’t have to worry about losing anyone. Cross my heart and hope to fucking live, kid.”

 

Gifbait crooned, smooshing her helm into his neck, and she let out a soft snore.

 

Julian closed his optics and let himself drift off to the sounds of her quiet intakes.

 

Chapter 15

Summary:

the kids traumatize the 'bots, and jazz and bumblebee realize that julian is a lot hotter than they thought

 

Julian paced slowly around the room; his arms folded behind his back; fully aware of all the bright optics that followed his every movement. 

 

Optimus and Ironhide watched him with something akin to amusement while Ratchet let out an aggravated sigh and rubbed his helm with his servos, muttering something along the lines of “-being too damn old for this scrap.”

 

“First thing’s first-” Julian stopped, and spun on his heel to face all of his kids’ faces- plus the gleeful faces of Jazz and Bumblebee, the two having decided to sit in on the family’s  ‘war meeting’ for fun. “We’ve gotta step up our game, kiddies; and what’s something we can do to achieve that?”

 

Starbait raised a servo into the air immediately. Julian pointed at him. “Yes, Star?”

 

Starbait straightened. “Creator, we can strengthen our abilities through combat!”

 

“I like your spunk, my son,” Julian said, nodding seriously. “But let’s save combat for when we’re actually fully confident in ourselves- what’s a good alternative?”

 

Starbait pursed his lip plates, before his optics flashed. “Training!”

 

Julian grinned. “Right! Training! Does anyone know the best part about training?”

 

Ringbait waggled her little legs up in the air, her screen flashing an excited ‘!’

 

“Go on, Ring,” Julian said.

 

Her screen displayed the image of a skull and crossbones, followed by an ‘X.’

 

Julian clapped his servos together. “You’re goddamn right! There’s no risk of dying in training. Thank you, Ring.”

 

Ringbait cheeped and settled down. Bingbait shuffled over and let her helm drop down on top of her twin’s helm with a pleased hiss. 

 

Julian bounced on his pedes, his plating shifting slightly with audible little clangs. “Now- what would make for a good practice dummy?” He asked expectantly, optics slowly moving towards a massive tarp-covered object on the side. I feel like I’m Dora the Explorer…

 

Bingbait shot up excitedly, her little servo practically clawing at the air. “Bingbait knowsss! Father! Fatherrrr!”

 

With a laugh, he pointed at her. “Alright, murder-bot, what’s the answer?”

 

Bingbait’s red optics glinted with promise as she gestured in the direction of the cryostasis chamber. “The sssscreaming one!”

 

Julian glanced over at Optimus. The other terminator slowly shook his head while mouthing ‘no,’ and Julian turned to Bingbait with an apologetic expression.

 

“Sorry, Bing,” Julian said. “But if I can’t stab the dorito, neither can you- at least, not right now.”

 

Bingbait let out a disappointed sigh and slumped against Ringbait who gave her a consoling pat on the helm.

 

Gifbait raised her servo up into the air with a determined expression. Julian turned to her with a grin. “Yes, Gif?”

 

She pointed towards the tarp-covered mass, and said, “Query: will the hidden item be the ‘practice dummy?’”

 

“Yup!” Julian chirped, and sauntered over to grasp onto the leathery material with his claws. In the next moment, he ripped it off with a dramatic flourish, revelling in the excited gasps his audience let out at the sight of the dummy. “Behold!”

 

It was a cobbled together mess of car parts and shitty paint jobs, but it still gave off the appearance of a rusted terminator. Its helm was made of a bunch of gas canisters that had been welded together into one giant mass- the rest of its body composed of tires, piping and prayers. 

 

“The Terminator Dummy, aka- the TD,” Julian said proudly. “It doesn’t matter how fucked up this thing gets- the goal is to fuck it up until I can’t put it back together. Understood?”

 

Boombait bounced up and down and raised his servo up into the air, practically vibrating in excitement. Julian smiled at him and said, “Yeah, Booms?”

 

“Boombait make booms?” Boombait asked, grasping his servos together with sparkling optics. “Boombait not get hosed?”

 

Ratchet let out a hacking cough, prompting Optimus to thump him on the back in mild alarm.

 

 Julian snorted. “No Booms, you won’t get hosed. You can go crazy, kid. All the booms.”

 

Boombait squealed and instantly lit himself up on fire, making Jazz and Bumblebee fling themselves away with alarmed yelps.

 

“Now,” Julian said, swinging a claw around to point at the TD. “Go forth and annihilate, my minions!”

 

The kids charged.

 

---

 

Bumblebee stared at the destruction taking place before him- at the shrieking sparklings and mechlings, and his optics went wide at the battle-cry Starbait released before he transformed his servo into a massive gatling gun, the sound of the bullets tearing through the dummy making the rest of the kids scream excitedly. 

 

When the TD was a smoking pile of scrap on the ground, Gifbait darted forward with her transformed blades and proceeded to chop it up into even smaller chunks of scrap. She jumped back as Boombait belched out a few fireballs, their green hue brightening to an eye-searing blue and the metal melted down into an unsalvageable puddle.

 

Not to be outdone, the twins skittered towards the target and Ringbait sent out a series of pulsating hums, the liquid metal beginning to vibrate rapidly.

 

Bingbait leapt over the vibrating, steaming mass with a cackle, letting the tips of her claws graze the puddle harmlessly. And then, with a twist of her wrist, a powerful electrical discharge poured out of her frame and into the puddle. The energy, combined with Ringbait’s kinetic humming, forced the puddle to explode and evaporate into nothing.

 

There was a long, horrified silence from the Autobots and the observing humans, broken only when Klikbait let out a whoop and began to clap. “Let’s go! That’s how you fuck up a dummy!”

 

Bumblebee turned to the smaller mech, and reached out to grasp him by the shoulders, and began to slowly shake him back and forth. Because what the hell was Klikbait feeding these little monsters?!

 

It can’t just be gasoline- there’s no fragging way

 

Klikbait cackled and reached up to grasp onto his servos, looking up at him with bright, golden optics- optics that squinted at him cheerfully.

 

“Aren’t my kids fucking awesome, Bumbles?” He asked Bumblebee, the long audials on his helm twitching up and down happily- completely unbothered by the manic expression on his friend’s face.

 

Awesome isn’t what comes to mind, Bumblebee thought hysterically. Unstoppable? Yes. Terrifying? Also yes-

 

Klikbait’s audials twitched, and lowered a little as his expression became uncertain. “Er- Bumbles? Hello?”

 

Slag-

 

“They’re- a whole new type of hero~ for sure!” Bumblebee quickly said, sifting through a number of soundbites in record speed, feeling guilty for making his friend worry. “Totally- invincible~!”

 

Seeing Klikbait’s optics light up with glee definitely went a long way in banishing whatever doubts he had started to have. So what if Klikbait’s sparklings are terrifying? They love their creator and each other- not even Decepticons are that loving towards one another.

 

“Heh, yeah- yeah they sure fucking are,” Klikbait said quietly, pleased. 

 

Bumblebee watched as his audials perked up, and he let the other’s shoulders go in favor of setting a servo on top of his helm, letting the natural heat that Klikbait put out seep into his digits.

 

His optics swiveled over to where Optimus was quietly rounding up all the excited sparklings and mechlings, Ironhide at his side who gruffly explained to them what each of their abilities was capable of while Ratchet quickly examined each and every one of them for any bullet holes and/or burnt plating.

 

They would be fine

 

However-

 

“Your turn- amigo!” Bumblebee chirped, and shifted his servos down to grasp onto Klikbait’s arms.

 

“Eh?” The other said before Bumblebee dragged him outside.

 

“Woohoo!” Jazz exclaimed, racing after the two of them. “Training time!”

 

---

 

Julian glared across the ‘training field’ at Bumblebee and Jazz where they stood motionless, waiting for him to make the first move.

 

Sucks for them because even Julian didn’t know what his first move was going to be.

 

His HUD popped up with a cheerful blip, alerting him of his opponents as it began to highlight every single one of their vulnerabilities.

 

Julian felt his optics shutter- since when could his HUD do that?!

 

“C’mon mini mech!” Jazz taunted as he waved at Julian. “You ain’t a pussy, are ya?”

 

“Shut your bitch ass up, Jazz,” Julian sneered, lowering himself onto all fours. He felt the plating on his back flare up, and he wondered just how fuckin cool it would have looked with his original spikes. “Be amazed at my awesomeness.”

 

His intakes began to cycle at the air as he felt his entire body slowly begin to heat up, his HUD displaying a thermo-reader that steadily climbed higher and higher the hotter he got.

 

It was only a few seconds, but in those few seconds his internal body heat had already reached catastrophic levels- but Julian only felt invigorated.

 

“Haah,” Julian breathed, steam rising off of his frame as smoke flowed out of his mouth in gentle waves. “That’s some hot stuff right there.”

 

He raised his optics and locked onto the two terminators who stared at him in shock. Julian bared his denta at them, raising a servo up to curl a single claw in invitation.

 

“Oh?” Julian purred. “Who’s being a pussy now, huh?”

 

Ready, set-

 

Go

 

Notes:

huehue >:3

Chapter 16

Summary:

a showdown, a throwdown and a massive hangover- or, the one where Julian is a badass for, like, a few minutes

 

Julian tilted his helm to the side, the heat hissing out from the seams of his frame made him feel like he was in a sauna- he felt practically drunk at the sensation. Sadly, his HUD did not give him the courtesy of letting him take a nap right then and there, blaring an alarm at him the second Jazz began to move.

 

He sprung at Julian, arms outstretched in preparation for a grapple, though he didn’t transform his servos into whatever weaponry he undoubtedly had- something Julian was a little grateful for,

 

He didn’t wanna be a TD-2, after all.

 

Curious despite himself, Julian did not move, and let Jazz grasp onto his armor. Oho- this is gonna be good-

 

“AIIIEE!” Jazz yelped, leaping back while flapping his servos frantically. “Man, that is hot!”

“What did you expect was gonna happen, bro?” Julian cackled. He shook himself off and dug his claws into the earth, his optics locked onto the other terminator. “Right, my turn~”

 

In the next instant, Julian propelled himself forwards, his limbs tearing up at the ground below, his frame practically a glowing, smoking bullet. Julian felt a bit like one of those grayhounds that ran around racetracks- small and fast.

 

Though- his optics swiveled, and he jumped up and over Jazz, twisting his frame midair, letting himself extend out a single claw-

 

And booped Jazz on the visor, which promptly shattered at the sudden and unexpected searing heat that flooded it.

 

Jazz cried out and smacked at his face in bewilderment. “What? I didn’t even see you move?!”

 

“Haha!” Julian laughed, digging his pedes into the ground to slow his momentum. “Gotcha!”

 

“Are you sure about that-” came from right behind him.

 

Julian yelped when he was rammed into by what he thought for a second was a goddamn train, sending him skidding across the earth, leaving scorched earth behind. He bounced a few times before he was able to slip his claws back into the earth and forced himself to stop, blinking away the dizziness he felt from the unexpected collision.

 

Jazz, where he was sitting off to the side, let out a loud laugh. “Nice one, Bee!”

 

His HUD cheerfully alerted him to the drop in his body temperature, and he cursed.

 

“Of course this shit doesn’t last long,” Julian grumbled as he watched the temperature lower more and more. “Gotta make the most of it, I guess.”

 

Locking optics with Bumblebee, who was holding a fucking car of all things, Julian said, “Hope you’re ready, you bastard~”

 

His friend’s optics widened.

 

Julian, in a moment of creative genius, expelled all of the heat within his frame- the steam that flowed out thick and impenetrable, completely obscuring all fields of vision in the area.

 

His HUD, being the OP piece of shit that it was, highlighted Bumblebee's frame in the makeshift fog where he was slowly turning in a circle, the antenna on his head swiveling every which way- Julian realized that Bumblebee was relying on sound.

 

Er, how do I do this, Julian pondered, optics flicking around for something he could use against the terminator before he suddenly remembered the last gas canister he had stored in his chassis. Aha- time for some bullshit.

 

His chassis popped open, the sound catching Bumblebee’s attention who immediately whirled around to charge at Julian- probably fully aware of just how vulnerable he now was without his ignition.

 

Julian quickly popped the lid off the canister and chugged all the contents within, and just as Bumblebee was right on top of him, he spat out a gout of fire right at his friend’s frame, who leapt back with an alarmed beep.

 

The steam was beginning to dissipate, and just as Julian spotted Bumblebee’s smoking chassis, he felt himself get tackled to the ground by someone who was definitely not Jazz. 

 

“Holy shi-!” Julian did not squeal as he was buried under tons of blue and red metal terminator.

 

The ground where he used to be standing on exploding right after clued him in to the fact that this probably wasn’t part of the training regiment.

 

“Autobots!” Came the deep voice of Optimus from where he crouched over Julian’s dazed form with his gun pointed at something behind them. “Starscream has called in reinforcements- we’re being surrounded!”

 

“How the shit did Screamer call in reinforcements? Ain’t he frozen?!” Jazz snapped in confusion, as he and Bumblebee raced over to keep Julian between them in a defensive circle. Bumblebee quickly extended a servo to haul Julian back onto his pedes.

 

“It appears,” Optimus said as he fired off a round into a roiling mass of shrieking metal that burrowed into the earth only a second before it could be hit. “That the humans activated his distress signal by accident.”

 

“Of course they did,” growled Ironhide from where he was stalking over to them, paying no mind to the spray of bullets and blaster fire that landed beside him. He twitched his helm to the side and avoided getting a missile to the face, and addressed Julian, “Your younglings are evacuating with Ratchet and the humans. You’ll join up with ‘em soon enough once we beat the slag out of these ‘cons.”

 

“Right,” Julian said, peering around the larger terminator to gaze worriedly into the base. “Sure hope Booms doesn’t panic- he doesn’t do too good with stress, the little shit.”

 

A very muffled and distant boom met his audials and Julian winced. “Eh, as long as Gif’s with him he should be fine.”

 

Another muffled boom followed by the sound of a familiar gatling gun going off and the shink-shing of Gifbait’s swords had him sighing in defeat. “Nevermind.”

 

Hopefully their success with the TD will give them enough confidence to wreck anyone who tries anything

 

Julian felt his arm get grabbed and he was dragged over to an overturned vehicle, where he was unceremoniously shoved down into the ground by Bumblebee who crouched beside him, optics trained on the battle taking place between a scorpion looking motherfucker, a helicopter, Optimus and Ironhide.

 

“Stay- quiet and still- their vision relies on movement,” Bumblebee told him near silently. 

 

Julian aimed an incredulous stare at him. “What- they’re dinosaurs now?”

 

As if to prove his point, the scorpion fucker dug into the earth and in moments they could make out the ominous rumbling of its tunneling as it drew nearer to their hiding spot.

 

Meanwhile, Optimus fired up at the helicopter which transformed to avoid the hit before landing heavily atop Ironhide where the terminator proceeded to stab repeatedly at the weapons specialist’s helm- not that it did much, considering that Ironhide had taken the time to reinforce his helm’s plating which made each of the enemy terminator’s attacks slide off uselessly until it grew frustrated and leapt off of him.

 

Julian couldn’t make out much more seeing as the scorpion fucker exploded out from the earth and lauched itself towards him with extended claws.

 

“Fuck off!” Julian snarled and raised his considerably smaller arm to punch it in the mess that was its face, only to feel something in his components shift around and shudder-

 

Two blasts hit the scorpion fucker on either side, one that was the familiar buzzing energy of Bumblebee’s gun and the other a crackling, corrosive green-blue flame- sending the terminator flying through the air to crash into the ground a good distance away with a pained scream.

 

Julian stared down at the flamethrower that used to be his arm, and he let out a breathless laugh. “Oh my god- I have a flamethrower ! Oh my- this is the best fucking day ever!”

 

“NOT- the time!” Bumblebee shouted and promptly picked up Julian before bolting away from the sounds of battle. From where he was tucked beneath his friend’s arm, Julian watched as Optimus grappled with the helicopter terminator, tearing at the wing-blades at its back before placing it into a chokehold, letting Ironhide blast the thing in the chassis until it stopped moving. In the next instant, his view was taken up by the scorpion fucker who was skittering across the field rapidly, its pincers spinning and whirring as a red glow began to emulate from the center of its mechanisms.

 

“It’s gonna shoot!” Julian shouted, and yelped when Bumblebee swung him around to hold against his chassis, essentially turning himself into a fucking shield.

 

“Ay!” Julian snapped as he struggled to kick his way out of the other’s tight hold. “Let me go so we can both transform you fucking idiot!”

 

“Too- risky maneuver- awaiting backup,” Bumblebee told him, only to stumble when the scorpion finally fired, nailing him right down the center of his back. Julian scowled as the shots kept coming and coming, and Bumblebee started to stumble more and more-

 

“Sorry, Bumbles,” Julian said as he activated the last burst of his ignition, letting the heat spike up in his frame, forcing his friend to let him go in fear of melting his own arms off. “But I’d rather you don’t get murked by a scorpion of all things.”

 

Julian landed on the ground, and, ignoring Bumblebee’s alarmed noises behind him, he let as much boiling, bubbling heat build up in his chassis, rise up into his throat-

 

AllSpark fucker, Julian thought as the scorpion reared up to stab its tail into him. Gimme a boost, yeah?

 

This time when Julian released the flames, they were not green, or green-blue, or even blue-

 

It was a beam of white, concentrated energy.

 

And when it slammed into the scorpion, it simply-

 

Disintegrated.

 

---

 

Julian and Bumblebee met up with Optimus and Ironhide, and Bumblebee explained to them what had become of the scorpion dude, while Julian simply clung to his friend’s back, trying desperately not to puke because who knew that spitting out energy could make someone so fucking nauseous.

 

“Are you alright, Klikbait?” Optimus asked him, leaning down to look into Julian’s undoubtedly dim optics. “Were you injured at all?”

 

Do I look like I’m alright, big guy? Julian thought darkly. Outwardly, he could only muster up a miserable, “Gluhhhh.” 

 

“Well, he’s alive at least,” Ironhide said cheerfully as he patted Julian on the helm. “Good job with Scorponok.”

 

Julian hummed and buried his face into the junction between Bumblebee’s helm and shoulder and longed for death.

 

Chapter 17

Summary:

julian freaks the shit out of everyone, deals with it, and then gets freaked out right after

 

Optimus managed to convince Julian to transform so that he could ride atop his truck bed, where the motorcycle lay on his side still feeling like shit even with Bumblebee trying to cheer him up with random audio bits he found as they all ambled along to what they said would be their new temporary headquarters.

 

Julian did not expect said temporary headquarters to be Sam’s house.

 

Never in a million years did he expect that.

 

Sam didn’t either, judging by his expression at the sight of what amounted to an entire parking lot in his front yard from when he’d tiredly poked his head out of his bedroom window.

 

Julian heard his kids before he even saw them; and was soon being lifted off of Optimus by Starbait, his motorcycle form practically dwarfed in his largest child’s servos as he was cradled carefully against his chassis. 

 

“Are you well, creator?” Starbait asked worriedly, Gifbait and the others peering around his massive form to look up at Julian with just as much concern. “Gifbait has stated that your field is… less than what it once was. We are… troubled by this.”

 

“M’fine,” Julian mumbled, letting himself transform back into his terminator form and steadied himself on with one servo on his son’s arm to lean over his shoulder where he gazed around at his kids, counting each one until he was satisfied that everyone was present. “What about you guys? Anyone hurt?” 

 

Various ‘no’s’ echoed around their huddle and Julian relaxed. “That’s.. good… yeah.”

 

His vision swam and when he shuttered his optics he found himself lying in between Starbait and Gifbait, his smaller kids all clumped together on his chassis as they stared at him in panic.

 

“Creator Klikbait, you are not well!” Gifbait said, reaching over to pat frantically at his face before looking over her shoulder to someone Julian could not see, and shouted, “Ratchet! Please come look at creator Klikbait! Something is wrong!”

 

Julian only just managed to throw out a quick, “I’m alright-” before he completely passed out.

 

---

 

According to Ratchet after Julian woke up from stasis, whatever he’d done in his attack on Scorponok had somehow drained his spark while simultaneously fueling the AllSpark, which made nearly no sense to him, and he’d stated this by saying, “Yeah, not sure what happened, but I lived, so it’s all good, man.”

 

“It is not,” Ratchet snapped where he was hunched over Julian’s chassis with a comically small laser he held delicately between his digits, the tiny beam manually unlocking his spark chamber for the medic to conduct a much needed checkup after his collapse. “It’s really not ‘all good,’ Klikbait; we need to know why this happened, and what we can do to prevent you from dying in the middle of battle on the occasion you purge your spark again, you foolish mech!”

 

Julian let his helm thunk against the ground with a confused expression. “But I didn’t ‘purge my spark.’ I sorta blew fire at the scorpion guy and he, uh, went like this-” he raised his servos up and mimed a little explosion with them. “-and there was nothing left of him after; it was actually kind of fucking awesome- except the bit with the hangover. That was just straight up shit.”

 

Ratchet was staring down at his spark with a conflicted expression, and asked, “Did anything else happen? At all?”

 

Julina thought about it before he brightened. “Aw shit, yeah! I asked the AllSpark fucker for some support; I think it’s why my fire came out white, to be honest.”

 

“You what,” Ratchet deadpanned.

 

Julian nodded, and let a grin spread across his face. “Y’know what? If you ignore the hangover bit- the rest was honestly super dope. I think I’ll do it again; it’s probably a tolerance thing- like alcohol!”

 

Ratchet whacked him over the helm with a roar of, “You will not, you idiot!”

 

Julian did not tell the medic that his mind was made up; he would build up his AllSpark tolerance. It was just too good to not use again.

 

---

 

Once Ratchet was certain that Julian was not about to keel over, the motorcycle was released from the garage/makeshift hospital, where he was swarmed by all of his kids as well as the other terminators.

 

Julian gave them all a quick rundown of what Ratchet had told him, but left out the bit about him going to practice his cool ability on his own at some point. Julian cheerfully avoided meeting Bumblebee’s suspicious gaze.

 

It wasn’t as if what he was doing would kill him, after all. Sure, he might pass out a few more times- but as a great hero once said; ‘with great power comes great, er, risk of heart failure?’ Something like that.

 

Julian shook his helm to save himself from the odd spiral of his thoughts, and stared out at the sea of concerned optics before him; and his attention was caught by Jazz where the other terminator was leaning against the wall with a grimace. 

 

“What the hell happened to you?” Julian asked, eyeing the scratches, dents and burns along his plating.

 

And- were those puncture wounds?

 

“Your little shits is what happened,” Jazz said, squinting over at the ‘little shits’ in question. “When big O told me to go help with the evac, they got spooked and went nuclear on me- I was nearly obliterated ‘til Bing over there knocked the rest of ‘em out of their murder-mode with a self-generated EMP blast; your sparklings are crazy, man.”

 

“Really?” Julian breathed, optics nearly glimmering as he turned to look at Bingbait who lifted her helm up proudly. “You are so goddamn smart, Bing!”

 

“Yessss fatherrr,” Bingbait hissed, wiggling happily at the praise. “Bingbait isss capable!” 

 

She then glanced over at Boombait and ruffled her plating mockingly. “Boombait: foolisssh. He did not realizze Jazzz wassss ally- but Bingbait did. Bingbait: ssssuperior!”

 

Boombait crossed his arms huffily and looked away. “Boombait scared! Boombait know we under attack! Boombait did what Boombait do best!” He sniffled and covered his optics. “Boombait s-sorry; Boombait disappoint c-creator!” 

 

And then he burst out into loud sobbing.

 

Beside him, Bingbait leaned away in alarm, and began to wring her little servos in distress; it was obvious that her intention hadn’t been to make the other cry. Ringbait darted over to nudge into her twin’s side reassuringly before cheeping softly over at Boombait who only cried louder, his little vents stuttering as steam trickled out of his seams and mouth.

 

This is actually heartbreaking, holy shit, Julian thought as he began to quickly do damage control.

 

“Aww,” Julian cooed and scooped up his crying child into his servos. “Hey, hey- you’re okay, Booms. No one got seriously hurt, and you were just trying to protect everyone, yeah?”

 

Boombait let out another watery little sob and nodded. Julian gently reached out and wiped at the fluids that dripped from his kid’s optics, before bringing him in for a nuzzle. “You did good, Booms. You too, Bing- but don’t tease your brother too much; he’s got anxiety.”

 

Bingbait nodded before hesitantly reaching up to him- as if Julian would ever deny his kids ‘uppies.’ He reached out to pluck her up as well, and tumbled her into Boombait where she carefully wrapped her brother into a gentle hug. 

 

She didn’t apologize, but Boombait understood the gesture and let his helm knock into hers affectionately. All was forgiven.

 

Sam, from where he had been watching this entire mess go down on his porch while persimmons gave his parents the ‘so you have discovered government agents and extraterrestrial life forms in your yard’ speech, leaned over with unblinking eyes and said, “What the actual fuck is even happening.”

 

“Wouldn’t you like to know, weather boy,” Julian replied where he was smooshing his face into his kids’ little frames where they giggled happily, now joined by Ringbait who rolled over to tap excitedly at his face with her tiny legs. 

 

Optimus bowed his helm at Sam apologetically. “It appears that our Decepticon prisoner was able to hail a few of his comrades, resulting in our headquarters becoming compromised. Through the efforts of myself, Ironhide, Bumblebee, and Klikbait, we were able to repel and destroy the ones that had come after us. Unfortunately, Starscream was able to escape, and has undoubtedly returned to Megatron’s side; he will now be aware of us and the fact that Klikbait is now among our number, his younglings included.”

 

Julian felt his spark stutter in its spark chamber, but didn’t let the dread appear on his face. All of his kids were focused on him and he could not afford to freak the fuck out of them again. Though, judging from Gifbait's worried expression, she knew exactly what he was feeling but thankfully didn't announce it to her other siblings, choosing to instead sidle up against him to offer what comfort she could.

 

Goddamit, he thought as he tickled his kids, letting himself lean against Gifbait as he did so. I completely forgot about Meg.

 

“So, why are all of you here? At my house?” Sam asked. “Couldn’t you have found like a- an underground facility somewhere out in the desert or something? Why here?” 

 

“Yeah, why here?” Julian parroted, looking around at the suddenly awkwardly shifting terminators.

 

“Well-” Optimus cleared his throat. “Bumblebee had ascertained that young Sam was in possession of an artifact that would have revealed the AllSpark’s location only a few of your earth days before he encountered Klikbait; meaning that he, too, is a potential target for the Decepticons.”

 

He ex-vented heavily. “If we are to find a new base of operations, Sam and his family would need to come along as well; for their own safety.”

 

Julian felt his optics widen in horror, and when he turned his helm to look at Sam, he was met with the exact same expression on the other’s face.

 

Absolutely not

 

“On second thought-” Julian chirped as he began to shuffle his tiny kids into his plating while reaching out to grab onto Gifbait and Starbait’s servos, the both of them following along contentedly. “-we can totally go rogue; no need to inconvenience Sammy here if we just disappear off the radar completely. I’m told the vigilante life is quite nice, in fact-”

 

Ironhide laughed and dropped his servo onto Julian’s shoulder, the weight sending him crashing back onto the ground with a yelp, the sound nearly covered up by his kids’ own laughter.

 

“Sorry Klik,” Ironhide told him, his digits curling into Julian’s plating. “But there’s no arguing with a Prime once he’d got his mind set on protecting his allies; and that goes double for yourself and these fleshies.”

 

“Ugh,” Julian groaned. “This fuckin’ blows.”

 

“Tell me about it,” Sam agreed miserably. “I don’t want to be anywhere near you, you crazy bastard. I don’t know what Bumblebee sees in you.”

 

Julian snorted. “He’s got good taste, you little shit-,” and then he paused at the unholy light that suddenly shone in the teenager’s eyes.

 

Ayo wait a minute-

 

“WE’RE NOT A FUCKING THING!” Julian shrieked, lunging over to squish the smug little fucker only to get reeled back by Bumblebee who happily picked him up only to drop him into Starbait’s waiting arms.

 

Julian immediately relaxed when he saw his kid’s happy expression before he leveled a scowl back at Sam, who hadn’t even flinched at what would have been his death. “One day, I swear to terminator jesus- one fuckin’ day!”

 

“Sure, whatever you say,” Sam said with a smirk, his eyes glancing between him and Bumblebee.

 

“I will step on you.” Julian hissed, letting himself get nuzzled by his son.

 

Sam only laughed and wandered over to talk to Bumblebee.

 

This little shit-

 

“Creator, would you be amenable to allow us to recharge together?” Starbait asked hopefully, looking down at Julian with his big, white optics.

 

Julian slumped.

 

“Yeah, sure. Let’s go catch some Z’s, Star,” Julian said.

 

All of his kids cheered, and he was then dragged into the backyard where they all piled on top of each other in a classic ‘bait pile, where they proceeded to knock out for the next twelve hours; not that anyone was surprised.

 

It had been a rather stressful day, after all.

 

Notes:

Edit, art from the wonderful SamNoelle! :D :https://www.tumblr.com/samnoelle/799479768171036672/klikbait-julians-adventure-in-terminator?source=share

Chapter 18

Summary:

breakfast, hobbies, arguments, and questionable choices are had

 

The familiar scent of gasoline wafted into Julian’s nose- sorry, his olfactory, and he opened his optics… only to be met with the sight of Ringbait, Boombait and Bingbait huddled in front of his face with a comically large can of gas sitting right behind them. 

 

They stared at him expectantly, optics wide. 

 

Julian looked around in confusion, noting that Starbait and Gifbait were no longer beside him, before blinking down at the littlest ‘baits because, what. “Y’all good, kids?”

 

They’re optics shuttered, but still gave him a near-synchronized bob of their helms in response. Okay… I’m getting a little creeped out now-

 

“They found out about breakfast in bed and wanted to try it out with you,” Sam called out to him from where he was munching on an apple a few yards away. “They hauled that shit all the way from the garage and the evil one nearly bit off Optimus’s fingers when he tried to help.”

 

“No one asked you, fuckface,” Julian said absently as he stared into his kids’ faces. “It true though, kiddos? You wanted to bring me… breakfast?” His optics flicked up to the evening sky before darting back down to look at the kids. 

 

Ringbait beeped and her screen showed him a thumbs up. Julian grinned and picked up the can of gasoline. “Aw, thanks guys. But I think it’s a little too much for me- what do you say to sharing with your pops?”

 

They perked up.

 

---

 

Julian trudged out into the front yard, Boombait curled inside of his chassis, and Bingbait along with Ringbait dangling from his helm, and took in the sight of Sam’s parents nervously talking to Optimus who was stooped as far down as his massive form allowed, and who was nodding along to whatever the couple was saying with a comically serious expression. 

 

“Wonder where everyone else is- ah,” Julian looked around and spotted Jazz and Bumblebee where they sat in their car forms, seemingly asleep, and decided to go wake them up because if he had to be awake this fucking early then so could they.

 

He approached the Camaro first and rapped on his hood with a cheerful, “Wakey, wakey, eggs and bakey~” 

 

“FUCK- off bro,” Bummblebee spat out, and Julian snorted at the bursts of static that accompanied every word. Someone’s cranky~

 

“Nah, I don’t wanna suffer being awake on my own,” Julian said and kicked his friend in the tire, jumping back when the other promptly transformed with a deeply irritated beep. “Hah! Hey there, Bumbles.”

 

Bumblebee flipped him off only to dart forwards frantically when Boombait decided to launch himself out of Julian’s chest and towards the Camaro with a bright laugh, landing safely in the other’s servos where he stood up with his little arms held above his head.

 

“Again!” Boombait demanded. Bumblebee glanced over at Julian with a helpless expression.

 

Julian saluted him. Sorry man, you’re in charge of Booms today.

 

The Camaro stretched a servo out to him desperately; but Julian had already turned away.

 

Satisfied that one of his kids would be entertained for the foreseeable future and completely ignoring the soundbite of a hoard of people screaming in agony behind him, Julian wandered over to Jazz and scraped a claw across his windshield, startling a girlish shriek from the now very much awake terminator.

 

Jazz transformed and immediately stumbled over a potted plant, and fell into the rosebushes with a cry of, “Klik, why are you like this?!”

 

“‘Cus I’m special,” Julian retorted. He felt Bingbait scrabble across his frame and slide down to the ground where she bounced over to the downed terminator; she hopped onto Jazz’s chassis and skittered to his helm where she leaned over his faceplate, seemingly happy to stare down the other for no reason other than to make him uncomfortable. “Also, you have been chosen to babysit. Good luck.”

 

Julian peered up at Ringbait and asked, “You wanna join Bing or you gonna stick with me for now?”

 

Ringbait tapped on his helm before tucking her legs beneath herself.

 

Julian smiled. “M’kay- when you wanna get down let me know, alright?”

 

She let out a confirmative ding.

 

---

 

Julian poked his helm into the garage and spotted Gifbait sitting beside Ratchet as the medic quietly explained the process of welding up injuries, carefully guiding her inexperienced servos across a sheet of metal as she gently pinched the edges together to form what Julian guessed was their version of a cauterized wound.

 

He took a picture before quietly stepping back out.

 

If his kid wanted to learn basic terminator first-aid, who was he to stop her? 

 

“Let’s go find Ironhide and see if he’s got something we can set on fire, yeah?” Julian asked Ringbait quietly, who cheeped back at him in agreement, just as quietly.

 

---

 

They found Ironhide as well as Starbait, the latter sitting cross-legged on the ground as the weapons’ specialist lectured him on the correct way to utilize his gatling gun while also suggesting he carry an extra weapon on him. He pulled out the dagger from his leg to emphasize this point, eliciting an awed gasp from the mechling.

 

“Your weapons will be the barrier between life and death, kid,” Ironhide stated, reaching over to adjust Starbait’s posture when the other held up his transformed servo to the older terminator. “There ain’t no in-between, and you sure as shit can’t expect a ‘con to be merciful. Save your bullets for when you really need ‘em, or else you’ll be low on both ammunition and energon.”

 

“I understand,” Starbait said, nodding. “I will do my utmost to ensure that all of my bullets reach their intended target, and I will make absolutely certain to take into account the energy required for every. Single. One.” With the last words, a fiery gleam came to his kid’s optics, and Julian wondered just what horrific things his son was going to do to the evil terminators in the name of justice, before shaking his helm at the thought. Better not fucking jinx it, Julian.

 

“Good,” Ironhide said before he looked up and spotted Julian and Ringbait. Julian waved. “Ah, your creator and spark-sister are here.”

 

Starbait straightened and turned to Julian with a bright expression. “Ah! Creator! Ringbait! It pleases me to see the both of you awake and well! Did you wish to join me and Sir Ironhide in our discussion?”

 

“Told you to drop the ‘Sir,’ kid,” Ironhide muttered. Starbait didn’t acknowledge his words, still looking at Julian with sparkling optics.

 

“Heh, I’m not into discussions- I’m more of a practical learner, Star,” Julian told him as he walked over to pat his kid on the helm, the other letting out a content rumble at the gesture. “Me and Ring wanted to see if we could light something on fire. For fun.”

 

Ironhide hummed thoughtfully before shaking his head. “Afraid not; the place is too full of humans to be able to get away with even a small fire. You and the sparklet will just need to wait ‘til we find a new place to hunker down, Klik.”

 

“Couldn’t we just drive out into the middle of nowhere and blow shit up there?” Julian asked and he felt his spark pulse along with his growing restlessness. “‘Cus if I don’t light something on fire soon I think I’ll lose my fucking mind, ‘Hide.”

 

“You should ask Prime then,” Ironhide said, waving Starbait over to look over a number of daggers he had spread out on the ground in front of him. “If he says we’re clear to go out and blow up a bunch of scrap, then we’ll go as soon as this planet’s sky turns dark- less chance of being spotted by flyers that way.”

 

Good to know, Julian thought as he and Ringbait went to go find Optimus again.

 

---

 

“No,” Optimus stated, not even glancing over at Julian from where he was talking to persimmons.

 

“I didn’t even say anything yet, though?” Julian whined, though he made sure to not be too loud; Ringbait had crawled down to nap in between his plating, and even now he could feel her little legs where they were latched securely onto his protoform. “Do you even know what I was going to ask, big guy?”

 

Optimus glanced over at him with an unamused expression. “Bumblebee wears that exact same expression on his faceplate whenever he wishes to go for ‘a drive’.”

 

Julian gaped up at him before shaking his helm to pout at Optimus. “... that doesn’t prove anything though. Blowing shit up and ‘going for a drive’ are two massively different things.”

 

Optimus shrugged. “Perhaps; but both involve you going somewhere that could result in you being attacked or taken away by Megatron or his forces.”

 

Julian crossed his arms with a scowl, and said, “I can be sneaky. How d’you think I got around before y’all showed up?”

 

“Circumstances have changed, Klikbait,” Optimus sighed, turning away from persimmons who was looking between the two of them with an uncomfortable expression on his face. “We were able to track down your unique energon signature- something which Starscream and Barricade as well as the now deceased Frenzy were able to do as well, and who had nearly succeeded in capturing you before we arrived that day at the junkyard. We cannot take the risk in letting you do as you please because you were bored.”

 

Julian stared up at him for a moment before he turned and walked away.

 

Behind him, he heard Optimus sigh tiredly.

 

---

 

Desperate times call for desperate measures, Julian thought to himself as he slowly wheeled himself out into the street, having made sure to slip a recharging Ringbait into a confused Sam’s arms. And I need to practice my mad skillz if I want to be an awesome terminator-dad.

 

He brought up his HUD and found a nice stretch of nothing only a few miles away. That’s a good spot as any.

 

His hologram flickered into being and he turned his head to look at the house where all of his kids were and let out a nervous breath.

 

“I’ll be back before you know it,” he muttered and took off down the street.

 

In and out, Julian. You’ve got this.

 

---

 

Boombait's antenna twitched, and he whirled around to stare in the direction of the street, his little body completely still. Beside him, Bumblebee leaned over to look at the sparkling in concern.

 

"Boombait no sense creator," Boombait whimpered, before looking up at Bumblebee with wide, anxious optics. "Creator gone!"

 

Bumblebee's optics went wide, and the autobot leapt to his pedes and ran to Optimus to let him know what Boombait had just told him, making sure to drop the sparkling off with Sam who toppled over with a loud "oof!"

 

Belatedly, the Camaro realized that the teenager had already been holding onto Ringbait. At least Klik didn't drag her along with him on whatever stunt he's gone off to do.

 

Of all the reckless- Bumblebee shook his helm mournfully. Is this what Optimus feels like whenever I pull something like this? I owe him so much energon.

 

Chapter 19

Summary:

julian touches himself and another robot develops separation anxiety

 

Julian pulled up to the vast stretch of nothing and transformed, feeling the way his entire frame relaxed at the openness and quiet of the place. And it really was a nice place, all things considered; filled with sparse shrubbery and the occasional shriveled tree here and there.

 

No terminators to police him and tell him when he can and cannot blow shit up. The only thing that could make this better was if his kids were with him.

 

He drew in a deep intake of cool air and released it in a great cloud of steam. “Guess I really was feeling cooped up, huh?”

 

For a while, he just… stood there. In the open. And he simply breathed. 

 

The breeze tickled at his audials, and he lifted a servo up to fiddle with them curiously, letting out a tiny huff of laughter when the audials flicked up and down by themselves, and after messing with them for a little while, he let his servo drop back down.

 

He shook his helm and brought up his servos to lightly slap at his face. “Alright- hey, AllSpark fucker, I need to know what I’m workin’ with,” Julian said, knocking on his chassis and rolled his optics at the annoyed pulse his spark threw out at him. “Hey, you gotta pay rent somehow; and child support; and medical bills-”

 

His chassis snapped open, revealing his spark chamber beneath. He tapped a claw against it and watched as the intricate locking mechanisms surrounding it spun and whirled, slipping into various crevices until his spark was fully bared.

 

“Woah,” Julian breathed, looking down at the glowing, swirling ball of light within; it was like the sun and the glittering ocean at dusk if it was full of iridescent fireflies and comets in the shape of flying fish, if that made any sense. It did to him, and fuck anyone who thought otherwise- his spark was beautiful. “That’s me?”

 

His spark pulsed, as if saying ‘yes you fucking idiot’, and Julian could see it now and god his entire worldview has just been completely turned upside down.

 

Sure, he caught a tiny glimpse at it when Ratchet was giving him a checkup, but the old medic had closed it up almost as soon as he’d opened it, leaving Julian with the vague idea that he’d gotten something immensely personal looked at rather than a simple heart-spark viewing.

 

I can’t say I understand it completely, but I get the idea of this shit being the terminator equivalent of running around naked

 

He raised one claw to delicately poke at the light, shuddering at the weird feeling and he stopped. “Okay, no touchy the spark-heart. Got it.”

 

He studied it for a minute before asking, “So, which part is you, and which part is me?” 

 

His spark shimmered, and for an instant he watched it ripple across the entire expanse of his chassis, unfolding into something greater than he could understand, something so massive and inexplicable-

 

He shuttered his optics, and his spark was back to its normal, swirling self. Yo, that was sick as hell.

 

“So, you’re an entity beyond comprehension,” Julian said blankly, staring up at the night sky. “Cool.”

 

Is there even any ‘me’ left in there? Julian mused as he hid his spark away once more. Clearly something of ‘me’ is in there since I’m still me. Or maybe that’s just the AllSpark and I’m only in my- its mind? 

 

Julian shook his helm in amusement. “Jesus, I’m getting existential; ‘I think therefore I am’ type shit; you do you, and I’ll do me, got it?”

 

His spark thrummed in response, and Julian let himself drop onto the ground with his pedes folded beneath himself.

 

“Okay,” Julian said, leaning down to scrawl a shitty doodle of the scorpion guy with one claw. “You and me are gonna figure out how to do what we did to this guy- but without getting knocked out, capiche?” 

 

‘capiche,’ his spark echoed back.

 

---

 

Soundwave, from where he was attached to the human satellite, let one of his tendrils fold into itself over and over again, the motions serving no purpose other than to lessen his growing agitation.

 

He had felt it when Frenzy’s spark had been snuffed, and then he had felt the faintest sliver of it as it was relit once more only moments after he had to face the world-ending feeling of loss. It had taken the Communication’s Officer every iota of self-control to not jettison from his current position and straight to his mini-con’s last recorded position, to chase after that sliver.

 

He had to accept that Frenzy remained functional in some way, and resolved to continue his work in influencing every radio, signal and transmission of the earth below, prepared to alert Lord Megatron of any mention of the AllSpark’s location, as it had trickled out from its previous casing that was the dead Cube which was hidden away deep within the Nemesis.

 

Starscream had confirmed that the AllSpark was in possession of an unaffiliated mech, one who was currently under the watchful gazes of the Autobots, and one who had brought various sparklings into being, and who, even now, remained undetected through some unknown means.

 

A frantic, wriggling signal slithered across his processor, and Soundwave focused- letting it slip into his translation modules where it fuzzed and fluttered before finally opening up to his audials-

 

“-ich part is you, and which part is me?”

 

Soundwave had no warning to the massive influx of energy that poured out from this seemingly innocuous statement, the familiar pulse of life-giving energy that he himself had once experienced eons past-

 

“Target: Acquired,” he intoned as he quickly pinpointed the origin of this energy burst just as it fizzled away from his processor, the original signal fluttering away with it. “The AllSpark has been located, Lord Megatron: your orders?”

 

“Soundwave, you never cease to impress me with your usefulness,” Megatron’s voice hissed through his COMM. “Send Lazerbeak in for reconnaissance; I want to know exactly where the AllSpark is being held,” His Lord paused, and in an amused tone, added, “Oh, and try not to lose this one as well, hm?”

 

“...Understood, Lord Megatron,” Soundwave responded, the line going dead. He quickly sent the order to his mini-con, who immediately began to fly towards the coordinates that he had provided. 

 

He did not think about what happened to Frenzy, and he refused to consider what could happen to Lazerbeak; it would be a waste of time.

 

And yet-

 

“Lazerbeak: do not engage,” he stated, that same tendril beginning to fold into itself again and again.

 

“Understood.”

 

Notes:

hehehe

Chapter 20

Summary:

julian finally blows up, and the kids get their first song

Notes:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wXUloVYbchg

 

The ground was littered in various doodles of schematics and possible AllSpark application scenarios, interspersed by the occasional scorch mark here and there by the time Julian sat back and wiped his brow with a dusty servo, leaving yet another smudge upon his already dirty faceplate; not that he cared, honestly. He could always just stand in the rain or subject himself to a hose later.

 

Snorting at the thought, he didn’t notice the heavy pedesteps until they came to a stop right beside him, and Julian slowly turned to stare at them. 

 

He knew those pedes.

 

Julian let out a quiet, “Fuck.”

 

His optics slowly tracked up and up until-

 

“Klikbait,” Optimus rumbled, his blue optics flashing in anger. “You-”

 

You know what? Fuck this noise

 

Julian pointed at him with a dirt-covered claw and snapped, “No! No! I needed to leave and figure out something really important, and I sure as shit wasn’t gonna do it back at the house in case it exploded in my fucking face; you coulda sent someone to keep an eye on me but no you just had to treat me like one of your little soldiers- well, I’m not! I’m a fucking terminator with a baby-maker in my goddamn heart that I didn’t fucking ask for, and with a fuckton of kids I can’t protect if I don’t figure out how to weaponize every fucking part of me!”

 

Julian stumbled onto his pedes with a snarl, steam starting to hiss out from his seams as the rant that had been building up ever since he and his kids had been brought to the terminator prison.

 

Maybe even before that-

 

“I appreciate that you’re looking out for my kids- but me? I ain’t a kid; fuck, man, I’m not even an actual cybertronian-” Julian covered his face with a clawed servo and let out a bitter laugh. “I fell  from the goddamn sky and I ended up getting experimented on by a bunch of demented fuckwits who took my body apart and put me back together into this fucking mess!” He gestured at his current frame, completely missing the way Optimus lurched forward with an extended servo only to pull back at the last second when Julian whipped his helm back up to glare at the larger terminator. 

 

“And you know what the worst part is, dude?” Julian said a little hysterically. “I’m supposed to be dead- I just- but instead I’m here. I’m here and I don’t know what to do except make sure that at least my kids make it out alright, and if that means I gotta keep living then I will fucking live with all my damn spark. For them! But I can’t do that if I don’t fucking try… I.. just! RAAHHHRGH!”

 

“I CAN’T TRY IF I’M ALWAYS HIDING!” He shrieked, his entire body catching on fire for an instant before flickering back out only moments after; his voice echoed back around them from the canyons beyond in the ensuing silence.

 

There it is, Julian thought as he panted. The unavoidable existential mental breakdown- took me long enough.

 

And then he realized that he quite literally blew up at Optimus when the guy only drove out here to make sure he wasn’t fucking dead or something, and felt a bit bad about it. But for the most part, Julian felt like a massive weight had finally been lifted from his shoulders, and he genuinely couldn’t sum up the energy to feel overly guilty about it.

 

Plus, he and the AllSpark had managed to calculate a survivable dual-attack before Optimus had appeared, so all's well that ends well. 

 

….Or so he thought, before he felt a large servo settle on his shoulder, and Julian raised his helm up to see Optimus’s contrite expression.

 

“I apologize if my concern has been… grating,” Optimus said, optics looking carefully into his own. “But I hope you understand that it was never meant to be malicious.”

 

Julian huffed and shook his helm, but didn’t dislodge the other’s servo where it remained. “Nah, I get it,” at Optimus’s uncertain expression, Julian sighed. “I really do get it, big guy. That whole… thing has been something that should’ve happened ages ago. I’m just happy that I got it over with without any of the kids being around.”

 

Julian raised a servo to scratch at his audials, and distantly noted that they had lowered to press down against his helm at some point. “... sorry about blowing up at you. Not my best moment.”

 

Optimus straightened, the metal of his frame creaking as he did so. “There is nothing to forgive, Klikbait.”

 

Julian watched as the other transformed into his semi-truck form, and when Optimus revved his engine in invitation he let himself trudge over where he hopped onto the truck bed, letting his pedes dangle off of the edge comfortably.

 

Seeing as it was dark enough that he wouldn’t be spotted during the ride home, Optimus didn’t say anything, and simply peeled out onto the road.

 

Julian gazed up at the stars that littered the night sky, letting the rumbling of Optimus’s engine soothe whatever residual effects his outburst had had. And for just a second, Julian thought he saw a pair of red eyes gazing back down at him. But when he shuttered his optics, they were gone. Guess I’m a lot more tired than I thought…

 

---

 

Most of the kids hadn’t noticed his absence from the house seeing as they were preoccupied with either their lessons or torturing poor, unsuspecting babysitters.

 

Boombait was an exception however, and Julian found himself getting jumped by his child in the front yard upon hopping off of Optimus, the semi-truck parking himself in the driveway to keep an optic for any potential tails, and thus had a front row seat to a good, old fashioned ‘bait reunion.

 

“C-c-rea-torrr!” Boombait hiccuped as he latched onto Julian’s face, unmoving even when Julian tried to grab him with his servos before giving up and resigning himself to simply petting his hysterical child on the back. “Why g-g-go?”

 

“Sorry if I worried you, Booms- I just went out to let off some steam. I’m here, buddy,” Julian crooned, finally managing to lift his shivering child from his face, before cradling him against his chassis. “Shh, shh, that’s it, Booms. I’m not going anywhere again. Promise.”

 

I accomplished what I set out to do anyway, Julian thought as he hummed a half-forgotten song to his kid.

 

Boombait tucked his little helm against his throat with a warble, and asked, “Creator: sing?”

 

“Aha,” Julian laughed, feeling weirdly embarrassed. “N-no; I just know the one song, really.”

 

Boombait wiggled in his hold and looked up at him with wide, pleading optics. 

 

Goddamit

 

“Alright,” Julian sighed. “I’ll sing. Let’s sit down somewhere first.”

 

He wandered over towards the backyard, and sat down with his back against the fence that surrounded the property, letting Boombait settle more comfortably against his chassis.

 

“Ready?” Julian asked, not sure if the question was more for himself or for Boombait. 

 

Boombait bobbed his helm, and laid down to peer up at him, completely focused on his face.

 

Julian closed his optics and tried to remember how the song went. Once he was more or less sure about the lyrics, he began to sing-

 

“In the spring we made a boat, out of feathers, out of bones~

 

We set fire to our homes, walking barefoot in the snow~”

 

Unbeknownst to Julian, Sam quietly crept out from the back porch, Ringbait sitting comfortably in his arms. She perked up when she caught sight of him but refrained from making any noises when she realized that he was singing. And when Sam went to speak, she slapped one of her tiny legs against his mouth and flashed a muted speaker on her screen. 

 

Sam wisely kept his mouth shut. Though that didn’t stop him from looking at Julian in surprise.

 

“Distant rhythm of the drum, as we drifted towards the storm~

 

Baby lion lost his teeth, Now they’re swimming in the sea~”

 

Julian took in a deep breath, curling his servos around an awestruck Boombait as he began the next part of the song-

 

“Troubled spirits on my chest, where they laid to rest~

 

The birds all left my tall friend, as your body hit the sand~”

 

Julian onlined his optics to look up at the stars above, and felt himself grin.

 

“Million stars up in the sky- formed a tiger’s eye~

 

That looked down on my face, out of time and out of place~”

 

Starbait, Gifbait and Bingbait quietly entered the backyard as well, having been summoned by Ringbait’s excited ping and all of their optics went wide with happiness at the sight of their creator smiling and singing, Boombait humming along where he laid upon his chassis. They all dropped down to sit on the ground, all of them leaning forward to listen.

 

“So hold on- hold on to what we are~

 

Hold on to your heart~”

 

Julian quietly hummed out the chorus, breaking off to chuckle quietly at Boombait’s soft venting; he’d fallen asleep. Looking up, he startled at the sight of all of his kids and- he rolled his optics- Sam. Of course he was there too. Little bastard.

 

“What’s up?” Julian pinged over at his kids, and wasn’t prepared for the storm of pleading for him to continue singing and that his voice sounded nice and please please please keep singing creator?

 

“Jesus, okay, okay!” Julian shook his head with a laugh, making sure to keep from jostling his sleeping child. “I’ll keep going… where was I? Ah- right, okay.”

 

He cleared his vocalizer and settled back down.

 

“Awakened by the sound of a screaming owl~

 

Chasing leaves in the wind- going where we’ve never been~

 

Said goodbye to you my friend as the fire spread~”

 

Unseen by all, a figure swooped down to land in the shadows of a tree, red optics trained on the sleeping Boombait before tilting its head at Julian as he continued to sing softly for his children.

 

“All that’s left are your bones that will soon sink like stones~

 

So hold on- hold on to what we are~

 

Hold on to your heart~”

 

Julian hummed the final chorus, raising his servos up when the rest of his children came forward to snuggle up beside him, letting them drop back down to curl protectively around Starbait and Gifbait’s helms. Ringbait and Bingbait tucked themselves around Boombait, the both of them letting out soft, happy trills at the contact.

 

They were all happy. Safe.

 

This is perfect, Julian thought, ignoring the way his optics burned and the way his spark pulsed with warmth. I don’t ever want this to change. God, I love them all so fucking much.

 

---

 

“Lazerbeak: reporting.”

 

“Soundwave: listening.”

 

“The AllSpark is not being held by the mech; it is the mech’s very spark.”

 

“Lazerbeak: certain?”

 

“Confirmative. There is more.”

 

“Soundwave: listening.”

 

“Frenzy: found. Status: changed.”

 

“...”

 

“Orders?”

 

“Do not engage. Maintain visuals.”

 

“Understood.”

 

Chapter 21

Summary:

the children are more or less alright

Notes:

this can be considered a transitional chapter lol, perspective will return to julian after so don't freak out y'all- unless you like it, then i can weave a few more in like this in the future

 

Boombait was not one to think over things too deeply, and was happy to accept things as they were. But, when the humans decided to separate his whole family in order to travel to a faraway place, he felt his processor light up in panic.

 

“No!” Boombait shrieked, startling all the humans that were trying to corral him and Ring and Bing into a truck. “Want to stay with creator! Want to stay with family!”

 

“Yesss, Bingbait and Ringbait will not go with stinky humansss; we’ll crussshh you and tear out your weak sssparkksss!” Bingbait hissed. Beside her, Ringbait began to hum ominously while her screen displayed a threatening image of a photorealistic human heart that had been placed in a tray, leaking its red energon everywhere.

 

The humans began to look afraid. Good.

 

Creator, who had been on the other side of the thing that was called house, was suddenly there and was glaring at the stupid humans. Ringbait switched her display to a cartoon broken heart, and Bingbait- well, she didn’t stop hissing out creative threats to the humans. Boombait didn’t mind. He hated them too.

 

Boombait immediately felt better at the sight of his angry Creator. Creator is here- he will stop the stupid humans.

 

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Creator snarled, and the humans all huddled together nervously and explained what they were doing only for Creator to wave his claws at them angrily. “Like hell am I letting you fuckasses anywhere near my kids, let alone leave them in your fucking care. Fuck that- come on kids, you’re gonna ride with me.”

 

“Yes!” Boombait cheered.

 

“It issss only right!” Bingbait agreed as she and Ringbait went to hide under Creator’s armor. Bingbait wanted to join but he also wanted to listen to Creator’s sparkbeat. It always made Boombait feel nice and warm and safe.

 

Like Creator’s song. Boombait liked Creator’s song. Even if Creator didn’t like singing too much. It made the song special.

 

Boombait raised his servos up at Creator who smiled and picked him up with his servos, his claws never scratching him, even when Boombait was being wriggly like the earthworms.

 

“Boombait want hide,” he told Creator seriously, who nodded back just as seriously.

 

“Gotcha, kiddo. Come on in then,” and soon Boombait was snuggled right next to Creator’s sparkbeat.

 

“Love you,” Boombait whispered to the sparkbeat. “Boombait loves sparkbeat. Boombait loves Creator. Never stop, okay?” 

 

And Creator’s sparkbeat let out a pulse that tickled Boombait’s faceplate, and he giggled.

 

---

 

Bingbait did not care for the humans or the ones called Autobots; she only cared for Ringbait, her spark-siblings, and her Creator.

 

Everyone else could shrivel up into dusty bits and scatter on the winds, for all she cared. 

 

Ringbait thought she was being too harsh, but didn’t tell her to stop, so Bingbait never bothered to change her thoughts. 

 

Now, as the both of them laid cocooned in the warm armor of their Creator, she let herself squint at her twin mischievously, recalling the graphic image her sister had flashed at the shivering, cowering humans who thought they could separate them from their family. “Now whoo isss the harssshh oneee, sisssterr?”

 

Ringbait cheeped unrepentantly, and directed an innocuous ‘:3’ at Bingbait, who cackled in delight.

 

“Neverrr changee,” Bingbait hissed, nuzzling her helm against Ringbait’s. 

 

Ringbait nuzzled her back, and in a quiet whisper, said, “Okay.”

 

---

 

Gifbait watched as Creator Klikbait walked towards her, grumbling about how annoying humans were and how he wished for them all to die, and when he drew near, she asked, “Creator Klikbait: okay?”

 

“Huh?- oh, yeah,” he said, shifting his armor plating so that she could see the forms of Ringbait and Bingbait curled up against his protoform. They clicked at her in greeting before settling back down. “Some idiots wanted to shove them into a truck instead of letting them ride with us to Nevada. Tch, as if I’d let ‘em.”

 

“Ah,” Gifbait nodded in understanding. “Query: are humans suicidal?”

 

“Seems like it,” Creator Klikbait said with a shrug. “But for the most part most of them are just stupid. Sam’s a good example.”

 

Gifbait giggled. “Sam is nice. I like him.”

 

“Oh god,” Creator Klikbait groaned. “Now I have to get along with him.”

 

She reached over to tug him into a hug, humming happily when he reached up to return the embrace, letting herself melt into the warmth he provided. “Creator Klikbait: must give Sam a chance to be good. Like you gave me and Boombait the chance to show you that we were worth your love.”

 

At this, Creator Klikbait suddenly pushed himself away and reached up to tug her faceplate close to his, his optics wide with an unspoken horror.

 

“You guys never needed to prove yourselves to me, Gif,” Creator Klikbait said quietly in that way that made her feel like she was both in trouble and not. “I- I was being an idiot; you didn’t deserve what I put you and Booms through because I couldn’t figure myself out. You’re worth loving, Gif. And if someone is stupid enough to not see it, then they deserve to get stabbed, you hear?”

 

Gifbait suddenly felt her optics grow wet, and she nodded. “Gifbait: understands.” She reached up to wipe at her wet cheeks, and said in a trembling, but still cheeky tone, “Creator Klikbait and Sam will have something in common, then.”

 

“Eh?” Creator Klikbait said with that silly expression he sometimes got whenever he was confused.

 

“Sam and Creator Klikbait: both stupid,” Gifbait chirped before darting away laughing.

 

“Hey!” Creator Klikbait called out after her. “Betrayed! By my own daughter!”

 

Her spark felt lighter, and she let herself smile widely with the near incandescent joy she felt.

 

“You’re worth loving, Gif.”

 

---

 

Starbait gazed up at the clouds that drifted lazily in the sky, wondering if, perhaps, he was spending far too much time idling away rather than dedicating his waking hours to training. But then again, Sir Ironhide did tell him that it was a soldier’s duty to know their limits.

 

“Ah, to be confined by limitations,” he sighed despondently. “If only I could march on like the terminators our Creator believes us to be- then I would not have to fear disappointing him at all.”

 

“Star, my son, my beautiful big boy, you were literally born two weeks ago- trust me when I say that you don’t have to prove anything to us, or worry about disappointing me,” his Creator’s voice said, and soon Starbait was looking up at golden optics that were squinting down at him in concern. “I’m just happy that you’re here.”

 

“My apologies, Creator,” Starbait said, feeling a small curl of warmth at the words. “I did not wish to imply that I was not content with my being in your presence! It is just that- well…” he sat himself up with a quiet sigh, and brought his servos up to scratch at his pedes as he thought over his words, his Creator waiting patiently beside him. 

 

“I am glad to be of you, and I am glad to be with you and the others,” Starbait began slowly. “But I feel that I must do more to show you that, despite being the youngest, I am capable of protecting you all. I- I want to be able to protect you all. Is… is this a terrible thing to want, Creator?”

 

His Creator let out a quiet laugh and shook his helm. “No, not at all. You wanna know something, Star?”

 

Starbait nodded.

 

His Creator leaned in and said in a soft voice, “I also wanna protect you all, and sometimes I feel like I’m not doing a very good job at it.”

 

Starbait reared back, and before he could protest the statement, his Creator waved a servo at him with a grin. “I know, it’s a silly thought, isn’t it?”

 

Starbait stared at him, and then let himself relax, feeling a smile spread across his face.

 

“Yes,” Starbait said, letting out a small laugh of his own. “It is silly.”

 

His Creator leaned back on his pedes and looked up at the sky.

 

“As long as you try your best, Star, you’ll be able to do anything,” he murmured, then turned to look at Starbait with a gentle smile. “Don’t ever forget that, okay?”

 

Starbait nodded. “I will do my utmost to always remember your words, Creator.”

 

“Great. Now c’mon, it’s time to go.”

 

---

 

Lazerbeak watched the family interact with one another; she watched them comfort one another; and she watched as Frenzy ran to the mech as if he were truly his sire.

 

Disgusting

 

She felt overcome with a type of helpless rage that she knew could only be alleviated through tearing apart that- that imposter.

 

“Soon,” she muttered, letting the cloaking device activate as she flew after them as they travelled to their new hideout. “Soon, I’ll tear you apart; for what you did to Frenzy. For taking him from us.”

 

“And then,” she hissed, flexing her talons. “I’ll present your very spark to Frenzy, and he’ll realize just how weak you truly are. And he’ll be loyal to us once more, as he had been. As he should be.”

 

She dove down to hover above the convoy and watched. And waited.

 

Waiting for when she finally received the order to wipe them all out.

 

Chapter 22

Summary:

wherein julian has something of a heart-to-heart with sam, and bingbait politely requests to kill someone

 

The new base was less spacious than HQ-2 but Julian couldn’t bring himself to give a shit. Anywhere was better than Sam’s house.

 

“You do realize that you’re talking out loud right?” Sam asked from where he was getting out of Bumblebee’s Camaro form, the terminator transforming as soon as his passenger was clear.

 

Julian rolled his optics. “Yeah, that was the fucking point-”

 

Gifbait, from where she was leaning against the wall playing tetris, cleared her vocalizer pointedly.

 

“Sorry about that, Sam,” Julian said immediately. Gifbait gave him a thumbs up and returned to her game.

 

“Got- you- wrapped around- her- finger~” Bumblebee teased Julian, gently elbowing him on the side. Julian stomped on his pede and laughed when Bumblebee began to hop around in pain before stumbling into Jazz, sending the both of them tumbling onto the floor in a tangle of limbs.

 

“Oops,” Julian said, pausing to flare his plating as Ringbait skittered out to settle on his chassis, seemingly content to hang there. “Hey Ring.”

 

She cheeped up at him in greeting.

 

A tapping on his leg had Julian looking down to see Sam looking up at him with a curious expression. “So does that mean you’re not going to be a dick to me anymore?”

 

Julian shrugged. “I’ll be making an effort to not hate you- you have Gif to thank for that, by the way. But if you push your luck I can’t guarantee that my other kids won’t try to rip off your head.”

 

“Still a dick, then,” Sam muttered before pointing up at Ringbait. “What’s that one’s name again? Bing?”

 

“Ringbait,” Julian corrected. “Bingbait’s her twin.”

 

“Her twin?” Sam asked, staring at Ringbait before turning around to glance over at Bingbait where she and Boombait were once again play-fighting under the watchful optics of Ratchet as the medic puttered about setting up another medical area. “They look nothing alike.”

 

Julian resisted the urge to kick Sam across the room at the sad little boop Ringbait let out. 

 

He loomed over Sam and snarled, “They’re twins.”

 

Sam raised his arms up in surrender. “Okay! They’re twins, jeez.” 

 

Julian nodded, settling back onto his pedes. “And don’t you forget it.”

 

The teen let out a sigh before pointing at Starbait. “I never got to ask about him.”

 

“Starbait?” Julian asked, waving when his son turned to salute him at the sound of his name. “He was made during my fight with the Scream guy.”

 

Sam let out a horrified noise. “You- you made him with Starscream?! Dude, that’s so not cool- you can’t be stepping out on Bumblebee, man.”

 

Julian let his helm drop into his servos as he gritted out, “We. Are. Not. A. Thing. What don’t you get about that?”

 

Sam stared up at him with a disbelieving expression. “Well you two seem pretty close, and if homophobia is a thing in your guys’ society like it kind of is in ours, then your denials would make sense- but just so you know I’m not judging. It’s really weird but for real, no judgement.”

 

Julian clasped his servos together and fully turned to regard Sam, the teenager tensing under the full weight of his attention.

 

“Listen,” He said gently. “You’re a real one for that, really, but I am being serious when I say that me and Bumbles aren’t a thing. We’re not together, we’re not married or whatever you think we are. We’re bros. We met a few weeks ago; he kicked my ass, I kicked his, we drank gas and now here we are.”

 

“... you beat the shit out of each other?” Sam deadpanned.

 

“Well, he started it,” Julian grumbled. “I just evened the score.”

 

“God, you really are a psycho,” Sam said, though he looked reluctantly amused at the fact.

 

“Mhm,” Julian said, popping open his chassis for Ringbait to crawl into after she politely tapped against the metal there. “Let’s go with that.”

 

---

 

Julian had just settled down for recharge when what he had dubbed his ‘terminator dad senses’ began to tingle. He turned his helm to count the resting bodies around him and came up one short.

 

Time to track down Booms, Julian thought as he stood up to do just that. 

 

It didn’t take long for him to find his wayward son.

 

Boombait was pacing anxiously at the front entrance, his yellow optics fixated on something in the distance, shuttering before darting to a different area, seemingly uncertain as to what he was even looking at.

 

Julian walked over and reached down to flick his child’s antenna, watching as Boombait whirled around with a surprised squeak. His expression lit up at the sight of him, and the small robot raised his arms up immediately. Julian scooped him up and made himself comfortable on the floor, letting Boombait tumble into his lap, his child letting out a shocked laugh.

 

“What’s going on in that head of yours, Booms?” Julian asked, letting his claws gently scratch against the plating around Boombait’s neck. 

 

Boombait melted into the gesture and let out an unsure hum. “Not know. Boombait sense something. But the something not there? But is there too. Boombait confused.”

 

Julian narrowed his optics, but didn’t stop his claws, feeling the way Boombait was relaxing more and more as time passed. “Hm, it’s probably a sneaky something, then.”

 

“Mh,” Boombait yawned. “Boombait senses more.”

 

“More?” Julian asked.

 

“The something,” Boombait’s voice became laced with static as he began to slip in recharge. “Feels like.. spark…” 

 

Spark?

 

Julian stared down at his sleeping child and felt the tiniest amount of unease.

 

“Bingbait: heard aaall,” Bingbait hissed from where she slipped from the shadows, scrabbling over to join Boombait where he was curled in Julian’s lap. “Boombait: ssensesss spiess?”

 

“Not sure, but your guess is as good as mine, Bing,” Julian said, reaching over to scritch under her chin, Bingbait tilting her helm back with a pleased purr at the attention.

 

Julian huffed and glared out into the open, wondering if he could use his flamethrower to smoke out whoever was making his kid so damn paranoid. “Whatever it is, it’s making Booms freak out, so it definitely deserves to die.”

 

Bingbait’s optics lit up with unholy glee. “Fatherrrr, can Bingbait have honorrr of killll?”

 

Julian poked her on her somewhat faded peace sign sticker. “If you can find a way to track it down, go for it. But I don’t want you to face it on your own, ‘kay?”

 

“Confffirmativvee!”

 

Chapter 23

Summary:

plans are made, games are played, and a crisis is had

 

Bingbait, unfortunately, was not allowed to commence her hunt immediately, her Creator having told her to go recharge, and when she had agreed, albeit reluctantly, he had explained to her why he wanted her to recharge first.

 

“If you’re gonna track down the creeper, you’ve gotta remember something really important, Bing,” Creator told her seriously as she coiled herself around her twin, keeping her optics trained on his faceplate, her entire being focused on his every word. “No one is safe from sleep deprivation; meaning, that if someone’s watching us all night, you have to be the one with the advantage of a good night’s rest.”

 

“Bingbait undersstandsss, fatherrr,” Bingbait hissed, feeling awe rise up within her at her Creator’s brilliance. “Bingbait: will rechargeee annnd rissse above allll!”

 

“Yes. Yes you will,” Creator said and reached over to give her scritches.

 

Bingbait loves scritches, she thought as she closed her optics in bliss, letting her processor slip into recharge. But Bingbait loves the idea of hunt more.

 

---

 

Julian awoke to the sound of frantic whispers and cracked open one optic to see Bingbait in the middle of recruiting Ringbait and Boombait in what she called ‘the hunt.’ He kept himself as still as possible, watching the absolutely hilarious interaction between his dictator daughter as her twin and older brother nodded along to her plans.

 

“Nowww we beginn!” Bingbait crowed before darting away, her siblings following close behind. 

 

Julian watched them until they scuttled out of sight, and only then did he heave himself up with a yawn, steam billowing out from his mouth as he did so. He shook himself off and shuffled over to nudge Starbait awake, grinning when his son loudly proclaimed that he would use violence to preserve his rest only to stutter when he realized it was Julian that had interrupted his recharge.

 

“Creator!” Starbait sat up quickly, only to overbalance and topple right into Gifbait who startled awake with a shriek. “Ah! I apologize sister!”

 

Gifbait rubbed her face and squinted over at Starbait with a pout. “Gifbait: forgives.”

 

Starbait slumped in relief before turning back to Julian who reached over to boop his son on the center of his helm. “Morning, Star, Gif.”

 

“Good morning, Creator!” “Morning Creator Klikbait!” They both chirped.

 

Julian smiled fondly at them both before remembering why he had only wanted to wake Starbait. Well, I guess two is better than one in this situation. “Right, so I’ve got a super important task for y’all. Ready to hear what it is?”

 

Starbait nodded once with a determined expression while Gifbait let out an agreeable hum, leaning closer to him with wide, curious optics.

 

Julian looked around before he said, “Booms sensed something weird last night. Him, Bing and Ring are investigating to see if they can figure out where it’s coming from. I want you two-,” he pointed between them with a claw, “- to make sure they don’t get in over their little heads, and to tell me first thing if they do find anything. Got it?”

 

Starbait saluted and said, “Yes, Creator!”

 

Gifbait nodded. “Gifbait and Starbait: will ensure the mission is a success, Creator Klikbait!”

 

Julian nodded. “Great. I’m gonna go see if I can grab us some gas.” 

 

The two nodded and raced off in the direction their smaller siblings had gone, leaving Julian to himself, though he almost immediately began to walk towards Ratchet. With Bumblebee out with Optimus and Jazz for a perimeter check, that left him with limited options on who he could go to for some sweet, sweet gasoline.

 

The medic was quick to crush his expectations when he shook his helm down at Julian. “No gasoline here. Haven’t had the time to stock up on anything just yet,” but then he gestured towards one of the human’s cars, and added, “But you can probably siphon some from the vehicles around here. Not like the humans can’t get more anyway.”

 

Julian let himself grin. “Heh, you’re so fucking right. Why didn’t I think of that? Thanks, Ratchet.”

Julian had just finished making a neat pyramid of gasoline canisters when Ironhide walked over and asked him where he had gotten it all, and laughed when Julian only smugly pointed at various punctured cars where even now they could make out the distressed cries of various people as they discovered their unsalvageable wrecks.

 

“Mind if I grab one?” Ironhide asked as he reached out to pluck a can from the center of the pyramid only to flinch back when Julian, in a moment of panic, slapped the other’s servo away.

 

They stared at one another for a moment.

 

“I’ll grab it for you. You’ll ruin my work of art,” Julian said quickly and easily snatched up a canister from the top and handed it to the miffed terminator. “There you go!”

 

Ironhide snorted and took a swig before glancing around in confusion. “Where’d your sparklings get off to, Klik?”

 

Julian shrugged. “They’re playing cops and robbers.”

 

“Ah, they like human games, then?” Ironhide asked him, bringing the can to his mouth. 

 

A distant explosion suddenly echoed, startling Ironhide into choking on his next sip of gasoline. Julian, completely straightfaced, simply said, “Something like that, yeah.”

 

Bingbait’s unrestrained maniacal laughter could be heard then, followed by various crashes and even more explosions until all the ‘bait kids crashed back into the base, all of them either scorched or smoking in some way. Starbait raced over to Julian, and in his arms was a snarling…  bird terminator? The fuck-

 

“What do you have there, Star?” Julian asked him, eyeing at the way the bird suddenly whipped its head around to stare at him with furious red optics.

 

“A spy!” Starbait proclaimed, raising the bird up into the air like it was fucking Simba. “Creator, Boombait located this wretched fiend within the bowels of a helicopter, and we were able to restrain it!”

 

“That’s Lazerbeak!” Ironhide wheezed. “How in the frag-”

 

“Your name’s Lazerbeak then? Nice,” Julian said dismissively. “Anyway, I’m gonna burn you alive for what you’ve been putting my kid through.”

 

“Fatherrr, can I watchhh?” Bingbait crooned from where she creeped out from behind Starbait’s shoulder plating, her brother not even blinking at her sudden appearance on his person. “Pleeeaasssseeee?” 

 

Ringbait, from where she crawled out from Starbait’s other side, beeped at him as well, as if saying ‘me too, me too!’

 

Julian smiled darkly. “Of course you can, girls. Your plan worked perfectly, after all.”

 

He transformed his servo into his flamethrower and pushed the muzzle against the bird’s chassis, and it shrieked in distress, beginning to flail once more only for Starbait to tighten his grip.

 

Just as he was about to release his flames, Julian froze when he heard Boombait scream for him to stop.

 

“Booms?” Julian asked worriedly, letting his servo transform back as his kid ran up to him with wide, panicked optics. “What’s wrong?”

 

“No destroy!” Boombait shouted, placing himself between Julian and Lazorbeak while wearing the most terrified yet determined expression Julian had ever seen on his little face. “Boombait ask Creator for mercy!”

 

Mercy mercy mercy mercy

 

Julian stared down at Boombait, and said in a wavering voice. “Booms- yeah, whatever you want lil man,” he crouched down in front of him and looked into his yellow optics. “But you’ve gotta tell me what’s going on. Why do you not want me to destroy the bird?”

 

Boombait looked up at Lazerbeak who stared back at him unreadably, before he looked back at Julian, and said in an uncertain voice, “Boombait not know- Boombait thinks Lazerbeak… familiar?”

 

Ratchet suddenly spoke up from where he had wandered over in the midst of the chaos that Lazorbeak’s unexpected appearance caused, “It’d make sense, considering that he used to be Frenzy. A bond between symbiotes is not so easily destroyed from my experience.”

 

Julian and the rest of his kids stared at him. Lazerbeak, from where the bird was still being held, let out a furious, “You know nothing, autobot scum!”

 

“I know plenty, decepticon,” Ratchet growled, and marched over to loom over their snarling captive. “I’m surprised Soundwave let you out of his sight after undoubtedly sensing Frenzy go offline. Why is that, I wonder?”

 

Lazerbeak remained silent.

 

Julian turned to Boombait who looked up at him in confusion.

 

“Boombait is Frenzy?” His child asked, pointing to himself.

 

Julian slowly nodded. “Yeah, you were a weird little guy that tried to get into my chest. I accidentally blew you up and then you became Booms.”

 

Boombait shook his helm, and Julian watched as his kid stared down at his servo, seemingly unable to believe that he used to be someone else, and just as he moved forward to pick him up, Boombait jerked away with a hiss.

 

“Boombait need-,” His child said, faltering for a moment before looking up at him with uncertain optics. “Boombait need think.”

 

And then Boombait skittered off towards the hangars.

 

Julian jolted forward to follow only to be hauled back by Ironhide.

 

“Let him figure it out on his own, Klik,” Ironhide told him gruffly. “In the meantime we need to disable all of Lazerbeak’s tech, or she’ll punch through the barrier we’ve got running and then we’ll have to fend off a damn army.”

 

“Right,” Julian said and Ironhide let him go to glare at Lazerbeak. Julian took the moment to glance over to Gifbait meaningfully. She nodded and began to walk towards the hangar.

 

Fucking shit, Julian thought as he watched both of the terminators place miniature cuffs around Lazerbeak’s neck, talons and wings- each addition making the bird more and more furious. I hope Booms doesn’t get fucked up over learning that he was made from a corpse.

 

“You will not hold me for long, autobot scum,” Lazerbeak said mockingly. “Lazerbeak: superior; Soundwave: superior; Decepticons: superior!”

 

Julian walked over to look into Lazerbeak’s optics, and when he was sure he had her attention, said in a very, very soft voice, “I don’t give a flying fuck about your superiority. My kid’s having an existential crisis right now because of you, and for some reason he wants you to stay alive. The moment he decides you’re not worth the effort, I’ll tear you apart with my own two fucking hands.”

 

Julian leaned in and hissed, “Does Lazerbeak understand?”

 

Lazerbeak stared into his optics before she let out a slow hiss and ducked her head. “... affirmative.”

 

“Good,” Julian said, before he turned and walked off, ignoring the stunned silence behind him.

 

Notes:

oki, getting my groove back, making some edits here and there my dears

Chapter 24

Summary:

where boombait makes a new friend and gets disowned and has a pretty shitty day all things considered

Notes:

I hath added more to this chapter and am finally happy with it- expect more updates lmao

 

Boombait darted into the hangar and climbed up the wall, reaching a crevice he’d found when he had decided to go exploring all on his own. 

 

Behind him, he could make out the sound of Gifbait as she trudged past his hiding spot, and he knew that she knew he was there, but he didn’t want to talk to Gifbait, or to Creator, or to anyone.

 

Boombait just wanted to be alone for a little while.

 

“Okay,” Gifbait pinged at him after a moment. “Gifbait: will be close by.”

 

Boombait sniffled and settled down when he heard his spark-sister walk away.

 

He curled up into a little ball and clicked his claws against the floor of his hiding spot, trying to clear his thoughts by focusing on the clikity-clik they made.

 

Lazerbeak felt familiar to him, but she also felt scary, like the one Creator calls ‘Scream guy.’ Boombait didn’t like Lazerbeak, but he also didn’t want her to go boom.

 

And Boombait did not want to think about having been someone else. That was too much thinking for him right now.

 

“Boombait is confused,” He mumbled quietly to himself. “Boombait not know what is best.” 

 

But Creator listened to Boombait. So Boombait must know what is best soon, he thought to himself with a whimper. Or Lazerbeak might hurt family, like the Scream guy.

 

“Hello? Is someone there?”

 

Boombait tensed, and wedged himself deeper into his hiding spot.

 

He did not recognize that voice. It was too young to belong to the humans that carried the boom sticks, and too different for it to be Sam’s.

 

So who is it? Boombait thought anxiously, suddenly wanting nothing else but to hide next to Creator’s sparkbeat.

 

“Boombait?” He heard Gifbait ask, alarmed.

 

And then a head popped up to stare at him, and Boombait let out a squeak, and hunkered down even further.

 

The human was a female, young like Sam, maybe. Boombait did not know, and he hissed at her when she crawled into his hiding spot slowly.

 

“Leave!” Boombait warbled. “This spot belong to Boombait!”

 

“I am coming back,” Gifbait pinged seriously.

 

“Boombait? Is that your name, little guy?” The girl asked gently as she sat down a few feet away from him. “I’m not sure what you are but you sounded like you were crying. Are you okay?”

 

“No,” Boombait pinged back to Gifbait. “Boombait: okay.”

 

“... affirmative.”

 

Boombait hurriedly wiped at his optics and snapped, “Boombait no cry! Boombait brave!”

 

“Okay, you weren’t crying,” she agreed. “But are you okay?”

 

Boombait hesitated, but when the girl only watched him, he reluctantly said, “Boombait not okay. Boombait confused.”

 

“Why?” She asked.

 

“Boombait learn that Boombait has not-sister, but share spark?” Even the words hardly made sense to Boombait, and he tried again. “Met sister who not sister to Boombait. When Boombait not Boombait.”

 

“Okay.. so you’re having some family trouble?” The girl tried, shuffling closer to him. “Are you, like, adopted? Oh god, you just found out you’re adopted, didn’t you?”

 

Boombait stared at her. “Boombait not know what ‘adopted’ is. But Boombait having family trouble, yes.”

 

“Well,” the girl started and began to gesture with her hands. “Being adopted means that you used to belong to one family, but then for usually bad reasons, you get taken away and put into a new family who takes care of you. Sometimes it works out, and sometimes it doesn’t. Does that make sense?”

 

Boombait thought about it before nodding with understanding. “Ah! Boombait is adopted!”

 

He paused. Boombait was Frenzy who went ‘boom’ and then Boombait became Boombait, but Frenzy has family, like Boombait has family. 

 

Boombait straightened up with a determined expression. “Boombait need talk to Lazerbeak!”

 

“Who?”

 

Boombait reached over and tugged at her hand. “Follow! Will see!”

 

“Alright, alright! I’ll come with you, Boombait,” she said with a little laugh.

 

---

 

Boombait made sure to be sneaky like the cats, until he reached the area where Lazerbeak was being held; she was in Optimus’s hangar, and in the dark all that could be seen were her glowing red optics. Ironhide was guarding the entrance, but he was distracted as he snapped to a frantic human who wanted to the governments that that was not going to happen. 

 

Boombait was not sure what the human meant, but he had a mission!

 

The girl had been in awe when she had seen Ironhide, but she now let out a horrified gasp from beside him when she saw Lazerbeak. But Boombait did not cower! He was brave!

 

“Boombait want talk to Lazerbeak!” He told the bird who shifted, the metal plating of her wings rippling across her frame as she turned her gaze towards him.

 

Lazerbeak sneered down at Boombait. “You are changed, Frenzy.”

 

Boombait glared. “Name is Boombait. Want talk.”

 

Lazerbeak snorted and shook out the plating along her back, stopping short of the cuffs that were around her limbs, and she leaned her head towards him. “Very well. Lazerbeak: listening.”

 

Boombait tightened his grip on the girl and he felt comforted when she gripped his servo back. “Why attack family?”

 

“Your false sire carries the AllSpark,” Lazerbeak hissed. “Decepticons: desire it.”

 

Boombait angrily stomped up to Lazerbeak and snapped, “Creator not false! Creator is Creator!”

 

“He took you from us!” Lazerbeak snarled, her claws tearing at the metal beneath her. “Took you, broke you and reforged you! He will pay!”

 

“No!” Boombait said, shaking his helm. “No! Creator not take! Creator only created.”

 

“He took your spark!” Lazerbeak shrieked. “He took it! We felt it! You were gone!”

 

Boombait stared up at Lazerbeak who was trembling, rage and sadness roiling off of her frame in waves, and he said, “But Boombait here now.”

 

Lazerbeak hissed, and turned away. “Frenzy: gone. Boombait: not Frenzy.”

 

Boombait took a step forward, feeling hurt. “Boombait: not Frenzy. But Lazerbeak: family.”

 

“Boombait: naive,” Lazerbeak said mockingly. “Boombait: too trusting. Boombait: will fall.”

 

Boombait glared. “Like Frenzy?”

 

Lazerbeak went silent, her frame suddenly appearing much smaller than before and Boombait felt a bitter sense of victory at the sight. 

 

“Hang on,” the girl suddenly said from beside him, startling him. He had nearly forgotten about her, she was so quiet. “So… this.. uh, thing- she’s your sister?”

 

“Yes,” Boombait said as Lazerbeak snarled out, “No.”

 

“Oh man,” the girl muttered before looking over at him. “Okay, so, you used to be her brother, but something happened and you… died? And now you’re… you? And she’s mad about that?”

 

Boombait did not know how to answer, so he shrugged and looked away. 

 

He jumped when the girl marched forward and pointed at Lazerbeak with a scowl. “You- you’re just going to disown him? Just like that?”

 

“Foolish human,” Lazerbeak crooned. “It knows nothing.”

 

“I know that you’re being fucking stupid,” the girl snapped back without hesitation. “I don’t know what your deal is, but if you can’t get your head out of your ass to get to know this apparently new version of your brother, then whatever happened to him might just happen to you.”

 

At her words, Boombait’s helm shot up to stare at Lazerbeak, who had gone rigid at the words, before she reared back in fury.

 

“It speaks nonsense!” Lazerbeak hissed. “Lazerbeak: superior! Lazerbeak: will destroy all! Soundwave: will come! Decepticons: will retrieve the AllSpark!”

 

“And Boombait?” The girl asked quietly. “What about him?”

 

Lazerbeak froze. Boombait felt his intakes do the same. 

 

She looked at Boombait and then she looked away with a scoff. “Boombait: not Frenzy. Lazerbeak: does not care for imitations.” She ruffled her plating, and said with finality, “Boombait: not family.” She glared at him. “Boombait: can die with his Creator.”

 

Boombait felt his spark shatter.

“Fuck,” the girl said. “I’m so sorry, Boombait.”

 

Boombait numbly shook his helm, quietly diverting the many frantic pings that were bombarding his processor as Gifbait reported the state of his field to the rest of their family. “Boombait: want Creator.”

 

“Okay,” the girl told him as she knelt down in front of him. “I can take you to Creator. Do you want me to carry you, little guy?”

 

Boombait nodded, fluids dripping thickly down from his optics.

 

“Come here,” she said and picked him up. It was a little strange since he was nearly half her size, but Boombait simply curled himself up in her arms and let her carry him away from Lazerbeak.

 

“Wha- Boombait?” Ironhide said, startled before narrowing his optics down at the girl. He shifted and pointed his massive weapon at her with a growl. “What the frag do you think you’re doing with the sparkling, human?”

 

“Getting him to whoever Creator is,” she snapped back up at the mech, who shuttered his optics in surprise at her unexpected response. “Can’t you see that he’s crying? Are you blind?”

 

Ironhide turned to Boombait. “You good, kid?”

 

Boombait sniffled and nodded. “Want Creator.”

 

The mech nodded and moved his weapon away from them and pointed at where Creator was now running towards them, the rest of the ‘bait family following close behind with fields that screamed of imminent murder. “I don’t think you’ll be waiting much longer, Boombait.”

 

Boombait wriggled around to watch as Creator screeched to a stop right above them, and he couldn’t help the sobbing wine he let out as he reached up to him frantically.

 

“Oh my god,” the girl wheezed when Creator leaned down to lift the both of them up. “Um, hi? Are you, uh, Creator?”

 

“That’s me,” Creator said as he glared over at her. “Now, would you mind telling me who the fuck you are and what the fuck you were doing with my kid?”

 

“I heard him crying and came to see if he was alright,” the girl said as she glared up at Creator. “And then we met up with his sister- who is a bitch by the way- and she made him sad.”

 

“What?” Creator snarled, glancing over at Boombait who shrank down into his servo with a quiet whine. “Is this true, Booms?”

 

Boombait wilted and nodded miserably. “Affirmative. Boombait: want- want know more, but Lazerbeak- she-”

 

The fluids began to drip once more and Boombait hiccuped. Creator cursed and quickly dropped the girl to the ground harmlessly before turning around to press Boombait against his face in a gentle nuzzle.

 

“Hey, hey,” Creator crooned. “I’m not mad- just worried. We don’t have to talk about what happened if you don’t want to, okay?”

 

Boombait nuzzled back, sobbing. “O-okay. N-no talk.”

 

“Okay,” Creator agreed. “You want in?”

 

“Grah,” Boombait replied and soon found himself cocooned around Creator’s spark. The feeling of it pulsing comfortingly so close to his own calmed him immediately, and after a moment, he found himself being wrapped up in an embrace by the twins who had scuttled into the space as well.

 

Boombait wedged himself against them and said, “Lazerbeak: not want Boombait as s-spark-brother.”

 

“Lazerbeak: foolisssh. Ssspark-brotherrr will alwaysss be spark-brotherr,” Bingbait hissed at him as she roughly nuzzled her chin on his helm. “Even if ssspark-brother iss ssstupid.”

 

Ringbait said nothing, but Boombait felt the way her claws tapped out a comforting pattern against his chassis, and he sniffled. 

 

“Boombait: still family?” He asked helplessly, the question a mix of spoken and pinging. He just wanted to be sure.

 

And the resulting collective ping from his entire family made him weep in relief.

 

“Always.”

 

---

 

“So,” Julian said to the girl after he felt his kids settle down inside of his chassis. “Who are you?”

 

“Oh!” The girl said as she brushed herself off, seemingly unbothered by having essentially been flung into the ground only moments before. “My name is Michaela. I’m looking for Sam?”

 

Did I just hear that fucking right?

 

“Sam?” Julian asked. “As in, Sammy boy, Samuel, Sam Witwicky, Sam?” He crouched down and placed his servo just slightly below her head. “Short boy, Sam? That one?”

 

“He’s not shorter than me,” Michaela giggled. “But yeah, that’s my man.”

 

“Damn,” Julian said, amazed. “Well, fuck. Yeah, he’s here somewhere. Probably out with Bumbles, now that I think of it.”

 

“Bumbles?” Michaela asked. “Is that another one of your kids?”

 

“Oh, naw,” Julian said as he shook his helm. “Bumbles is my gas guzzling buddy, and apparently Sam’s Camaro. These-” he gestured towards Gifbait and Starbait before waving at his chassis. “-are my babies.”

 

“Aww,” Michaela cooed. “You’re a proud papa, aren’t you?”

 

“Fuck yeah, I am,” Julian said. “My kids are awesome.”

 

“Wait-” Michaela blinked, as if suddenly realizing something. “His Camaro?”

 

Notes:

Edit, fanart from the lovely SamNoelle! It's the gremlin y'all, show 'em some love!:

https://www.tumblr.com/samnoelle/799386994485739520/klikbait-julians-adventure-in-terminator?source=share

Chapter 25

Summary:

julian comforts his kid and does not kill a bitch

Notes:

Okay, if y'all are confused I did delete the chapter because I realized that half the story got erased lmao so here's a repost

Enjoy! Lmao

 

Julian was about to go over to Optimus's hangar and fucking obliterate Lazerbeak for making his kid cry- only to have Gifbait gently tug him to the side and more or less made him realize that the goddamn bird was apparently a motherfucking tsundere when it came to her feelings regarding Boombait.

 

Julian rubbed his helm. “You telling me that this bird is feeling sad?”

 

Gifbait tilted her helm to the side, seemingly trying to figure out what to say. “Lazerbeak: lost Frenzy, Creator Klikbait. Gifbait: thinks Lazerbeak does not want to lose him again.”

 

Aw, fucking shit. Now I feel bad

 

Julian rubbed his face with a servo and looked over to where Ringbait and Bingbait were playing with Michaela, the twins having crawled out of his chassis at some point during Gifbait’s explanation to study the teenager before they deemed her an acceptable playmate.

 

Although, Julian couldn't help the grin that tugged at the corner of his mouth when Ringbait began to do the stickbug dance for Michaela, a shitty eight-bit rendition of some 80’s song blaring out through the speakers on the side of her helm while Bingbait sneakily snatched up the girl's phone to study its contents intently before slipping it back into her jean pocket and joining the dance, where she wriggled around like a worm, making the teenager giggle even as she swayed along to their shenanigans.

 

Aw, Julian thought fondly. They're making friends.

 

A light nudge from his other side had him turning to look at Starbait, who tilted his helm down to look at him, his white optics flickering curiously.

 

“Creator, would you like for me to call for Bumblebee’s return?” Starbait asked him. “I assume that Samuel is with him as we speak.”

 

Julian shrugged. “Sure. Give Bumbles a call for me. Oh, and tell him to bring more gas for us. I wanna make another emergency stash.”

 

Starbait nodded happily. “Yes, Creator!”

 

And as Starbait walked off to the side to call Bumblebee, Julian felt Boombait knocking from within his chassis and he popped it open, peering down at his child who looked up at him before looking away, his tiny antenna folded against his helm.

 

“Booms?” Julian crooned. “How are you feeling, buddy?”

 

Boombait seemed to wilt. “... Boombait: sad.”

 

“About Lazerbeak?” Julian asked.

 

Boombait nodded miserably. “Boombait want know spark-sister. When Boombait not Boombait. But… but spark-sister not want Boombait and not want Creator.”

 

His little yellow optics filled with tears. “Boombait not know what to do, Creator.”

 

Julian lowered himself down onto the ground and raised a claw up to delicately scratch at his son's helm, and said. “Hey, you don't need to know what to do because I'm here, okay? And don't stress about the bird. I'll handle her.”

 

Boombait seemed to hesitate, looking as though he wanted to say something but held himself back, choosing to flick his optics over in the direction where Lazerbeak was.

 

Fuck it. We here to comfort this fucking child, not break his goddamn heart

 

Julian picked him up and brought him towards his face, making sure that his optics were looking straight into his.

 

“I'm not gonna kill her, Booms,” Julian told him slowly. “I'm gonna do what you did and talk to her. Because you know what?”

 

Boombait stared at him with wide, hopeful optics. “What?”

 

Julian nuzzled him. “Because it's a good idea, kiddo.”

 

Boombait looked amazed. “Boombait: do good?”

 

Julian nodded, grinning. “Boombait: did so fucking good.”

 

Boombait’s antenna shot up excitedly and he let out a happy squeal and leapt forward to latch onto Julian's face where he proceeded to nuzzle against the plating there like a particularly aggressive cat.

 

Julian only placed a servo over his little frame to keep him from tumbling off and felt the AllSpark flutter contentedly from where it was wrapped around his spark.

 

“Somebody call- a bee?" came the familiar spliced together voice as Bumblebee trudged into the base, Sam walking beside him with his hands in his pockets, expression bored until he spotted Michaela.

 

Michaela- who upon realizing that Sam was right there- stopped dancing with the twins and sprinted over to the other teenager who threw his arms out with a yelp, only just managing to catch his flying girlfriend, her momentum sending them both crashing to the floor.

 

Julian and Boombait watched the reunion with similarly amused expressions, before Boombait turned his helm to look at Julian.

 

“Why Michaela jump Sam?” Boombait asked curiously. “Sam and Michaela: like Bing and Ring?”

 

Julian looked over to where the two teens were now happily displaying their love for one another a la not so PG kissing, and looked back at Boombait. “Nope. Not even close.”

 

Boombait nodded before crawling down to bounce towards Gifbait who had sat beside Starbait to play robot tetris together once he had finished the call to Bumblebee, and soon all three of them were playing against one another competitively.

 

Julian looked over at Bumblebee, the other terminator having walked over to stand beside him as he stared contemplatively at the happy couple who were now not so happy given that Michaela was now screeching at Sam for ignoring her calls the last few weeks, you fucking dick!

 

“You brought gas?” Julian asked him, already popping open his chassis expectantly.

 

Bumblebee nodded and after a moment of slight hesitation, he also popped open his chassis and brought out a few cans, which he handed to Julian who stuffed them into his compartment with a cheerful thank you very much.

 

“Sweet,” Julian said as he slid the panels over his chassis shut. “Now if anymore of those evil terminator bastards show their stupid fuckin’ faces, I can blow ‘em sky high- fire breath or no.”

 

“Sounds like- a good fucking- TIME-!” Bumblebee said.

 

Julian grinned. “Oh it will be, bumbles. Trust me.”

 

And then he glanced over at Optimus's hangar and sighed. “Welp. Time to face the music. Want to come watch me talk to the bird?”

 

Bumblebee cocked his helm to the side even as he nodded. 

 

Julian motioned for him to follow and soon the both of them were standing in front of a turned away Lazerbeak, who didn't acknowledge them beyond a slight prickling of her plating.

 

Julian closed his optics and took a breath. He opened them.

 

“Hey,” he said, placing a servo onto his hip. “I'm still pissed at you for freaking Booms the fuck out but I think I get it now.”

 

Lazerbeak said nothing, though her talons tightened around the metal pole serving as her perch.

 

Julian continued. “You're one of those evil terminator bastards, that I can believe.” He circled around until he could look into her glaring optics. “But somehow, I don't think you're as heartless as you want Booms to think, are you?

 

She stared at him before looking away.

 

Julian reached forward and tilted her helm back towards him, and held it in place when she began to struggle. 

 

“Think really hard about what you want to do,” Julian told her coldly. “Because if you want to keep up this fucking game, I'll have Bumbles over there blast you to pieces.” At this, Bumblebee did not hesitate to transform his servo into his weapon, battle mask snapping into place.

 

Julian carefully did not react. This motherfucker has a helmet?! Since when?!

 

Instead, Julian gazed back over to Lazerbeak, who had stiffened. “So, think about what's really important right now. The goddamn baby maker in my chest, or your brother, who could have stayed dead.”

 

He let her go and she hissed at him furiously, but curiously, she didn't try to snap at him with her beak.

 

Julian didn't fool himself into believing that his words had had a monumental effect on her, but he hoped that the threat would keep her from thinking she could keep saying whatever she wanted and give his kid one last opportunity to maybe get her to warm up to him.

 

Job fucking done, Julian thought to himself as he nodded over at Bumblebee who followed him back outside the hangar.

 

“Thanks,” Julian told him as he reached up to pat him on the arm. “Don't know what the results of that conversation will be and I can't be bothered to give a shit right now. Let's go drink some gas.”

 

“Oki-doki- amigo-” Bumblebee said.

 

---

 

It was in the middle of his third sip of gasoline when it happened.

 

Michaela wandered over with the biggest smile Julian had ever seen from a woman, and he immediately felt a deep sense of dread.

 

He held up a claw to her. “I don't know what you're about to say, but no.”

 

She giggled and nodded over at Bumblebee who finished his can of gas, his plating releasing a satisfied hiss. “I didn't know Bumblebee was your boyfriend.”

 

Julian choked and coughed, doubling over to hack up the gasoline that had gone down the wrong pipe. Beside him, Bumblebee began to pound his back with a servo until he didn't feel like he was about to keel over.

 

He lifted his helm to throw an incredulous expression her way because are you fucking kidding me-?

 

He leaned his helm to the side and spotted Sam's shit eating grin.

 

His optic twitched.

 

“Hold this for me,” Julian told Bumblebee calmly as he passed him his half full can of gas before he stood up. 

 

He calmly brushed off the droplets of gasoline from his legs and then transformed into his motorcycle form and immediately ran down the little bastard where he wrapped him up in a metal seatbelt and proceeded to drag him into the most motion sickness inducing donuts he could come up with until he finally released him, sending Sam rolling across the ground where he laid limp.

 

Julian transformed back, dusted off his servos and walked over to finish his goddamn gasoline, which Bumblebee handed back over to him with wide optics as he glanced between him and the sad sack of shit a short distance away.

 

“He'll be fine,” Julian said and then chugged the rest of his can with a bright grin. 

 

Chapter 26

Summary:

julian makes a hell pit, bullies jazz, has more feelings, and then there's a dragon. and no i will not elaborate

 

Julian hummed to himself as he tore up the metal of HQ-3’s floor, uncaring to the enraged yelling of the humans around him as they shouted at him to stop destroying government property goddammit. 

 

“Let me think about it,” Julian told them. He waited, then said, “Nah.” 

 

He turned away from them and ripped out another strip of metal, his claws accidentally puncturing through a pipe, sending up a spray of water. Julian snorted and blew a stream of flames onto his servos which he used to crush the metal back together, making a clumsy, but effective weld.

 

“I should have been an engineer,” Julian mused to himself before he went back to peeling back the metal panels contentedly.

 

“Go get the fucking Camaro!” One of the soldiers snapped to one of the scientists who groaned. “Or Optimus- I don’t give a shit which one, just bring them over here to get this giant S.O.B to stop fucking up our shit!”

 

Screech!

 

“Me?!” The scientist cried. “Why do you think they’ll listen to me? I just work here!”

 

Bang!

 

“Motherfucking-” the soldier cursed before marching off. “Fine! I’ll get them my own damn self. You report the situation to Simmons!”

 

“I literally do not have the clearance for that!”

 

Crash!

 

“Well what the fuck do you even do?!”

 

“Research, you dipshit!”

 

“And done,” Julian said as he took in the massive crater he’d dug up in the middle of HQ-3. “Now to store my shit.”

 

He stood up and began to collect the cans from his pyramid of gasoline which he hauled back to the pit, where he let them drop into a large pile at the bottom. 

 

The angry shouting and his actions did not go unnoticed by the other terminators who all gathered around to watch him work curiously. 

 

“So, whatchu doin’, Klik?” Jazz asked, eyeing the massive hole. “Redecorating?”

 

“Nesting, more like,” Ratchet muttered. “Planning to have a litter, are you?”

 

“Making a stash, actually,” Julian replied after dumping another armful of gasoline into the pit, stepping back to watch as Ringbait and Bingbait worked together to haul their own can over to the pile, Boombait scrabbling after them while dragging his own can behind himself. 

 

Julian glanced over to Starbait as his son patiently waited for Gifbait to finish stacking a tower of cans in his arms, and when she was done he stood and slowly walked the entire thing over to the hole, where he simply tilted the structure over, sending all the cans crashing into the depths below.

 

Gifbait let out a cheer at the sight.

 

“Good job, kids,” Julian called out to them. “You’ll be making stashes of your own in no time.”

 

All of his kids’ optics sparkled at the praise.

 

Jazz walked over to stare down into the gasoline pit. “Aight, I’ll bite. What’s the stash for? We makin’ more bombs for the ‘cons or what?”

 

Julian snorted. “Naw, you’re thinkin’ too small, Jazz.” He walked a slow circle around the edge of the hole and spread his arms out. “This is gonna be one big bomb. If those evil sons of bitches try to get at me and the kids, I’ll blow ‘em sky high ‘til they’re up there kissing god’s ass or some shit.”

 

Jazz stared at him. “You’re one scary bitch, you know that?”

 

Julian grinned toothily. “Can’t have people thinkin’ that I’ve gotten soft now can I?”

 

“Literally no one thinks that, Klik.”

 

“Shut your mouth and help me cover this shit back up.”

 

“Damn, aight.”

 

By the time both Optimus and Bumblebee walked into the room, the hole had been half-hazardly patched up, to the horror of all of the scientists present, and sitting atop the shoddily fixed mess was Jazz and Julian, who clinked their cans of gasoline against the other’s before chugging it all down in one go. 

 

Jazz let out a burp and waved at them. “Whattup, big O, Bee?”

 

“Ahh,” Julian sighed, blowing out a cloud of steam over the humans who all scattered with muffled curses. “That’s the stuff. Hey Bumbles, big guy. The little bastard went to get you, I’m guessing?”

 

Optimus nodded. “I believe he called for Agent Simmons as well. He said that you were destroying the base?”

 

“What- this?” Julian gestured around himself. “Just making contingency plans. Never know when you’re gonna need a big fuckin’ boom, amirite?”

 

“Grah!” Boombait crowed in agreement from where he had crawled onto the ceiling.

 

Julian looked up, surprised. “How?”

 

“Ring: teach Boombait!” Boombait shouted happily.

 

From Optimus’s helm-when she had gotten up there, Julian had no idea- Ringbait let out a proud chirp. Her screen cycled through various emoticons before settling on:

 

<(˘ ˘ ˘)>

 

Julian watched in amusement as Optimus’s optics swiveled upwards at the tiny spider, seemingly startled to find that she was, in fact, sitting on top of his helm. “They grow more skilled by the day, Klikbait. My proximity sensors did not even register her presence.” 

 

Julian pointed at him. “They didn’t seem to detect Bing, either.”

 

And sure enough, when the Prime followed the direction he was pointing towards, he found Bingbait staring up at him with wide, red optics; in her claws were various wires she had somehow ripped out of his abdominal plating without him even noticing. She slowly pushed the tangle of wires back through the small tear she made and awkwardly gave the lumpy mess a small pat before she scrambled down his frame to race over to Julian where she scratched at his chassis until he cracked it open, grinning when his daughter slithered inside without a moment’s hesitation.

 

“I don't think he's mad at you, Bing,” Julian chuckled as he peered into the small opening at his tiny child.

 

Bingbait let out a low hiss. “Bingbait: knowsss thisss, fatherrr. Bingbait: wishesss to become ssspymassterr!” She wriggled her helm out of the space to stare up at him. “Cannot beee sspymassterrr if ssseeen.”

 

Julian nodded down at her seriously. “Oh, I see. So you made a tactical retreat. You aren't scared at all.”

 

Bingbait bobbed her helm. “Yesss. Bingbait: will try again when preyyy leassst expectssss it!”

 

“Got it. Do what you gotta do, little spy,” Julian told her and with a happy wiggle she ducked back into his chassis. 

 

Julian looked up to find Optimus poking at the small tear on his frame with an expression of bewilderment. “... she was attempting to gain access to my data ports.” Optimus looked at Julian and held up a tiny object that, upon making his HUD zoom in on it, Julian realized that it was some form of cobbled together two-way USB drive. “With enough time, I believe your sparkling may have even succeeded, Klikbait.”

 

Julian beamed. “That's my girl!”

 

Optimus nodded. “It is most impressive.” He glanced down at where Bingbait was stealthily poking her helm out of Julian's chassis, and said, “Young one, did you know that Jazz has worked missions that have previously required the skills of a talented spymaster?”

 

Bingbait practically scrambled out of her hiding spot with wide optics. “Reallyyyy?”

 

Jazz piped up. “Oh for sure! Y’know I think Prowl would absolutely fuckin’ love you, you little evil shit.”

 

Bingbait purred. “Bingbait: acceptsss title. When can Bingbait meet the one who isss Prowl?”

 

“Uhh,” Julian watched as Jazz’s optics flickered for a moment before the white mech grinned over at Bingbait. “He'll be Planetside in a couple of days- says he's bringing some guests.”

 

“Wait, wait, wait- there's more of you coming?!” Persimmons said as he marched into the room, followed by the irritable soldier from earlier who shot a nasty expression over at Julian, who only flipped him off in response. “Why was I not told?”

 

Optimus, who was now being carefully attended to by Gifbait while being supervised by Ratchet, answered contritely, “Apologies, Agent Simmons; it was not my intention to leave you in the dark. After what happened with Starscream at our previous safehouse, I believed it prudent to send a message to all Autobots currently residing amongst the stars to make them aware of the current status of the AllSpark. It is most likely that many of them will come to search for us in order to assist in the protection of Klikbait.”

 

“But how many of these guys are we expecting? Five? Ten? Two hundred-?” 

 

“Ah, that is yet to be discovered,” Optimus replied easily. “It is dangerous to report how many allies are in route, even with secured communications.”

 

Persimmons covered his face and let out a muffled groan 

 

Julian heard a noise from above him and raised a servo just in time to catch Boombait who blinked in confusion, looking as though he didn't know what had just happened. This was reinforced when he asked, “Boombait: fell?”

 

Julian nodded. “Yup. I caught you though so all good.”

 

Boombait nodded. “Okay.”

 

He hopped out of his servo and ran over to Bumblebee who looked down at him curiously, only to let out an alarmed beep when the child began to clamber up his frame where he slipped in between the Camaro’s plating and vanished from sight.

 

Julian snorted. “He wants to nap with you.”

 

“Whyyyy~ me?” Bumblebee asked, still looking down at himself in bewilderment.

 

Julian shrugged. “Between babysitting him and bringing us gas, you're basically an honorary uncle. I say accept your fate, Bumbles. The kids have started adopting you.”

 

Bumblebee, if anything, looked even more alarmed by that.

 

Beside him, Ratchet let out a bark of laughter. 

 

Julian glanced around and felt his plating flare when he realized that Starbait was gone. “Hey, did anyone see where Star went?”

 

Gifbait, from where she was slowly welding the metal of Optimus’s plating back together, said, “Starbait: went to keep watch with Ironhide.”

 

“Ah, alright. Thank you, Gif,” Julian said, relaxing. I guess that whole mess with the bird earlier has me more worked up than I thought.

 

“It is no trouble, Creator Klikbait,” Gifbait responded, pulling away to look over her work critically. After a moment she nodded to herself and looked up at Optimus. “Gifbait: has completed your repairs!”

 

Optimus reached over to settle a servo atop her helm. “You did good work. Thank you, Gifbait.”

 

Gifbait ducked her helm shyly. “...Gifbait: still learning.”

 

Ratchet reached over to nudge her on the cheek with the back of his servo, a crooked grin on his face. “Ah, just take the compliment kid.”

 

Gifbait let out a garbled sound of embarrassment but nodded at the medic.

 

Julian watched the interaction, feeling all warm and gooey inside.

 

And as he secretly took a quick picture of the moment, he felt something drip onto his face, and when he reached up to feel what it was, he realized that he was crying.

 

Those were his tears.

 

Goddamn, he thought as he wiped them away. These kids are making me feel all kinds of shit and I’m here for it. 

 

“You alright, man?” Jazz asked as he scooted closer to him.

 

“Yeah,” Julian sniffled. “Just feelin’ really fucking happy right now.”

 

The white mech reached up to pat him on the shoulder with a laugh. “Aw, that’s sweet.”

 

Doo-doo!

 

They both looked down to see Ringbait waggling her legs up at Julian.

 

He leaned over to scoop her up into his servo and at her pointed tip-tap on his claws, he brought her up to his face where she raised her forelegs up and leaned in to give him a little nuzzle-hug.

 

Julian laughed wetly. “Thank you, Ring.”

 

Ringbait let out a chirp and nuzzled him again.

 

---

 

Lazerbeak considered her current predicament.

 

She was being held prisoner by the enemy, this she knew.

 

She also knew that she was vital to the Decepticon cause, not only for her skills in subterfuge, infiltration and assassination, but for simply being of Soundwave. 

 

She also knew that she had been held prisoner by the enemy for too long now, and that if she were to return to her Sire, Megatron would force him to offline her after purging all necessary data from her core.

 

Megatron would suffer no potential traitors. He was no fool, after all.

 

Even Starscream, who had escaped captivity in order to report to their leader, hadn’t gone unscathed after his initial return. The discolored metal of his new wings could contribute to this fact.

 

If Starscream, who was the Second in Command of their cause, only barely managed to return to their Lord’s good graces, then what chance did she have? 

 

She shifted in place and flexed her talons, her claws grinding uncomfortably against the metal she stood upon. 

 

… Lazerbeak: does not wish to harm Sire

 

She shuddered, a low keening sound emitting from her vocalizer.

 

And her death would harm him. Just as Frenzy’s had harmed him.

 

…only, Frenzy did not truly die, did he?

 

Lazerbeak replayed the various recordings within her processor.

 

“-if you can’t get your head out of your ass to get to know this apparently new version of your brother, then whatever happened to him might just happen to you.”

 

“-your brother, who could have stayed dead.”

 

Lazerbeak’s optics flashed.

 

Her talons flexed.

 

She had an idea.

 

---

 

A high-pitched scream echoed out from where Lazerbeak was being held, and Julian shot up at the same time as everyone else did, watching with wide optics as Boombait flew across the distance to stand in front of Julian with wide, panicked optics.

 

He had gone over to visit the bird after he had woken from his nap, but clearly something went horribly wrong.

 

“Lazerbeak!” Boombait screeched. “She hurt! Hurt Bad! Creator! Help! Help!”

 

“Fucking- okay, okay I’m going!” Julian snatched up his sobbing child and began to run towards the hangar. “Ratchet?!”

 

“Right behind you, Klik!” The medic responded grimly, Gifbait taking point beside him, her optics widening at whatever she could feel from Lazerbeak the closer they got.

 

“We must hurry!” She urged.

 

Letting Boombait settle inside of his chassis, Julian skidded to a stop inside of the hangar and his optics landed on what his kid had seen, and he felt them widen in shock.

 

Lazerbeak was still alive, but she had somehow managed to contort her frame in such a way that her tail had drilled straight into where he assumed her spark chamber to be.

 

Her body had fallen to the ground in a mess of red splatter, and the sputtering, eerie glow of her red spark could be seen through her open wounds.

 

Her helm lolled over the side and she let out a quiet hiss, optics flickering. Red fluid dripped down from her beak when she attempted to speak, only managing to let out a weak gurgle before her helm smacked against the floor.

 

He heard Ratchet curse before the medic raced over to look at the damage, only for him to shake his helm. “She knew what she was doing- aimed right for the chamber. I can’t seal it without risking internal ignition from her spark. If I had the proper tools, a lab-”

 

Gifbait placed a comforting servo on Ratchet’s arm.

 

Boombait peered out of Julian’s chassis with a low whine, and Julian quietly shushed him. “I’m sorry, Booms.”

 

Lazerbeak jerked up at the sound of his voice, and she opened her beak wide, and a stuttering, glitchy recording played for all of them to hear:

 

 “-a-apparently new-new ver-ver-sion of your br-brother, then whatever happened-ned to him might just happen to you-u.”

 

Julian stared. “Are you- are you asking me to bring you back? Why?”

 

Why do something this fucked up? Julian thought. 

 

Lazerbeak glared up at him and pointedly rattled her bound wings, and Julian… got it.

 

Julian sighed. “… alright, can’t say I don’t relate to not wanting to be held against my will forever, evil or not. If I couldn’t kill a bitch, then I’d want to go out on my own terms too- but this is too specific for it to just be that. You actually planned this, didn’t you?”

 

Lazerbeak shuddered and nodded weakly.

 

Julian gave her a crooked grin. “Clever girl.”

 

Boombait looked up at Julian pleadingly. “Lazerbeak: come back? Like Frenzy come back as Boombait?”

 

Julian nodded thoughtfully. “... yeah. I think that’s what she wants. Definitely better than the alternative, buddy. We’ll need to do it the second her spark goes out though, or I don’t think it’ll work.”

 

He opened up his chassis and pulled out his kid who he set down beside his pedes. “I need to get ready.”

 

Boombait darted over to settle Lazerbeak’s helm onto his lap, where she stared up at him with something like shame, especially when Boombait told her, “Lazerbeak: will be okay!” 

 

Julian knocked on his chassis. “Wakey, wakey, eggs and Bakey~ AllSpark, we got a bird to revive sometime in the next minute, I need you, you piece of shit.”

 

His spark crackled, as if saying, “I’m right here, you asshole.”

 

Julian snorted. “Just makin’ sure.”

 

Optimus leaned over. “You are able to communicate with the AllSpark?”

 

Julian nodded. “More or less. It’s all about feelings or some shit. We’ve got an understanding.”

 

“Lazerbeak: not waking!” Boombait called out in distress, prompting Ratchet to dart over to scoop up the bird’s limp form which he carefully handed over to Julian.

 

Julian accepted her unmoving body, and gently placed her inside of his chamber, before sealing the panels shut. “Alright- let’s hope this fucking works guys.” 

 

For a long time, no one said a word. The only sounds were the quiet whimpers from Boombait as he was being held close by Gifbait.

 

It started slow, like a quiet humming that progressed into an intense banging, and Julian felt heat. Steam began to seep out from his seams, but he didn’t open the chamber. Something told him that she wasn’t quite ready yet.

 

There was a clattering sound, a soft clicking before everything went quiet, and then Julian felt a soft tink-tink from within.

 

With a hiss, he opened up his chassis and he carefully reached in to scoop out his newest daughter.

 

His optics locked with a pair of green ones before Julian took in the sight of what used to be Lazerbeak.

 

Now, coiled around his servo, sat a metallic dragon, her serene face focused intently on his.

 

“Creator,” she whispered, optics shuttering as she looked around before they settled on Boombait. “Brother.” She looked over to Gifbait, who was now holding both Bingbait and Ringbait, the twins staring at their newest sister with glee. “Sisters.” 

 

She stretched her neck up to look behind Julian at Starbait. “Brother.”

 

She looked back at Julian and cocked her helm to the side. “Designation?”

 

Julian studied her before glancing down at Boombait. “Any ideas, kiddo?”

 

Boombait wiggled out of Gifbait’s hold and scrambled up to the servo that held his reforged sister, where he stared at her in awe.

 

After a few minutes, Boombait turned to Julian and said, with the biggest grin on his face:

 

“Blastbait!”

 

---

 

And somewhere far above the Earth’s atmosphere, Soundwave wailed as another bond was torn from him only for it to return as a flickering spark of what it used to be.

 

His tendrils flexed and coiled-

 

And shattered the satellite.

 

He did not care.

 

He needed to find his mini-cons, he needed to find his sparklings. Satellite be damned. Communications be damned!

 

Soundwave transformed, allowing the fragments of the satellite to assimilate into his frame before he blasted towards the earth. He pulled up Lazerbeak's last report and triangulated her position at the time.

 

He would find them.

 

Chapter 27

Summary:

blastbait gets a tutorial, naps are had, and julian almost fucking dies- wait what

Notes:

i had a plan but then the allspark ruined it so here you go-

 

Night had settled over the hangar, and it was decided that Blastbait would be introduced to Sam and Michaela the next day, seeing as the girl desired to remain with them in hiding, considering the fact that her boyfriend was there and she now had a gaggle of robotic children to play with on the daily.

 

When she was asked by Persimmons if her guardians would approve of her decision, her answer left him floundering.

 

“I live alone,” Michaela said coldly. “My dad’s not really in the picture right now.”

 

It was decided that she could stay, and she and Sam were driven to her home to pick up a few amenities, and would return the next day after she finished managing her affairs, which mostly consisted of hiring someone to look after her home for the time being.

 

If he was being honest, Julian was looking forward to having her around. Unlike Sam, she was actually useful.

 

“Boombait: makes booms,” Boombait told Blastbait seriously from where they were sitting on Julian’s chassis as he watched them warmly. “Watch.”

 

He made a gurgling noise before he spat out a small fireball towards her where it dispersed along her metal scales. Blastbait sneezed and shook her body, causing a small cloud of steam to hiss out of her seams.

 

“I see,” Blastbait said, nodding. “I will replicate.”

 

She made a similar gurgling noise, only instead of a ball of fire, she coughed out a stream of fluid that splashed onto Julian’s plating.

 

Boombait giggled.

 

Blastbait slumped. “I cannot replicate.”

 

“I didn’t raise no quitter,” Julian teased as he nudged a claw against her side. “Try again, Blast.”

 

She nodded and attempted it again.

 

Yet more fluids splashed onto Julian’s armor and the little dragon let out a frustrated growl. “It is not working!”

 

“Well, you’ve got the lighter fluid,” Julian mused as he lowered his claws to hover just above his chassis, where the largest puddle was, prompting his two kids to skitter a few ways away. “What you need now is a little spark~”

 

He snapped his claws and the fluids caught on fire.

 

Hehe, Julian thought. My tits are on fire.

 

Somewhere in the distance, a soldier began to scream in rage as the sprinklers activated.

 

Blastbait scurried over with wide optics. “But why does it not spark when I try?”

 

Julian flashed his denta at her and said, “Maybe you’ve gotta do something with those chompers of yours. They’re made of metal, aren’t they?”

 

Blastbait snapped her denta together and nodded, determined. “I will try again!”

 

She gurgled, only this time instead of just spewing out the fluids, she ground her denta before opening her mouth wide, and a stream of white fire flew out, making the already crackling flames on Julian’s chassis grow larger.

 

“There we go!” Julian cheered. “I knew you could do it, Blast.”

 

Blastbait preened and her wings fluttered. 

 

A scientist rushed over to them and waved her arms at Julian frantically, screaming at him to put out the flames as the sprinklers came on once again.

 

Julian ignored her and instead made the flames change color, like some kind of demented rave while his kids hopped around them laughing and spitting out flames and fireballs respectively.

 

“This girl is on fire~” Bumblebee said as he walked over and saw the bonfire on Julian’s chassis. “Need some- ice, ice, baby~” 

 

“Nah, I’m good.” Julian said as he raised a servo to keep Blastbait from sliding off of him as her claws slipped against the metal of his chassis. “It’s actually pretty comfy. Then again, pretty sure most of us are immune to our own fire. Not sure how that fucking works, but yeah.” He glanced up and noticed Ringbait sitting on Bumblebee’s helm. “Hey Ring. You catching a ride with Bumbles?”

 

Ringbait waggled her legs and made a woo sound. 

 

“The co-pilot- come from a land down under~ and I hit the wall- bang!” Bumblebee warbled, motioning down at what Julian realized was a fresh weld.

 

Julian connected the dots and cackled. “Bingbait managed to hack you?”

 

Ringbait waggled her legs again and scurried down Bumblebee’s frame before darting up Julian’s frame, where she planted herself right in front of his face. Her little screen flickered and played a recording of Bumblebee casually talking to Optimus only to suddenly twitch and run full-tilt into the nearest wall before collapsing with a pained beep, Bingbait popping out of his chassis like a chest burster right after, holding aloft another USB drive as she shrieked over her victory.

 

The video cut off leaving a ‘:3’ behind as Ringbait clicked her legs against Julian’s face eagerly. 

 

Julian shook his helm in amusement and looked back at Bumblebee. “They grow so fast. I felt like it was only yesterday that she and Ring popped out of me.”

 

Bumblebee crossed his arms. “Yours is a- a neverending- bloodline.”

 

Julian rolled his optics. “Let me brood, man. I can miss my kids if I wanna.”

 

“They’re- still here~ you dumbass!” Bumblebee said with an exasperated wave towards said kids, who giggled at his movements.

 

“Yeah but not all of them,” Julian said with a pout. “All of my babies are scattered, Bumbles.”

 

Bumblebee threw his servos up into the air before marching off, and Julian watched with growing amusement as the Camaro rounded up the rest of the ‘baits and sent them off towards him where he raised up his arms, letting Gifbait and Starbait snuggle into his sides before a hissing Bingbait was carried over by a disturbed Bumblebee; the Camaro holding her up as though she were a feral cat.

 

Jazz, who had been feeding into her obsession with whoever Prowl was by telling her stories about his exploits and missions, watched his newest student be carried off with a pout.

 

“I’ll tell you more tomorrow, little shit!” Jazz called out.

 

Bingbait hissed even louder.

 

Julian snorted and nodded to his now extinguished chassis, letting the compartment pop open. “Put her in there. She’ll be out like a light the second you do. Watch.”

 

Bumblebee slowly lowered Bingbait into his chassis, the Camaro making sure to avoid touching anything as the ‘bait was placed inside, and sure enough, she quieted down almost immediately, and knocked out once Ringbait scuttled down to snuggle beside her twin.

 

Bumblebee leaned back, impressed. “Houston we- do not- have a problem.”

 

Julian felt something warm press up against his neck, and his HUD told him that it was Blastbait who had Boombait tucked under one wing, the both of them already drifting off into recharge, undoubtedly spent after playing with so much fire.

 

He felt himself getting progressively more sluggish once he was certain that all of his kids were with him, and the residual toasty warmth from the bonfire earlier nudged along his growing exhaustion.

 

“Mh,” Julian mumbled. “I just realized that I’m fuckin’ tired. So, I’m gonna rest for a bit, too.” Optics offlining, Julian sighed and let himself drop into recharge. “‘Night.”

 

He heard the word echoed back by Starbait and Gifbait and just like that, he was out.

 

---

 

Julian shot awake to his instincts screaming at him to move.

 

He rolled away, his kids having woken up and gone off to do who knows what and thank the terminator gods for that he did not want to crush them, and managed to avoid getting pierced through the spark by a long cable that had been hovering over him.

 

He looked up with wide optics as more of these cables shot out towards him, the ends opening up like particularly monstrous flowers, and he managed to dodge a few of them and cursed when he felt one wrap around his neck, the deceptively flimsy looking metal hauling him up into the air as alarms began to sound around him, and he heard the others begin to open fire into the ceiling.

 

“Klikbait!” He heard Optimus shout before he was dragged through the roof of the base and into the open air where he was tossed aside by a terminator he had never seen before, but was probably around the same height as Bumblebee.

 

Which meant that this fucker towered over Julian because of course he did.

 

“Where. Are. They?” The terminator growled, throwing a servo out to punch Julian into the ground where he was almost immediately pinned against the cement there by the guy’s pede.

 

“Who?” Julian wheezed, feeling the way the metal of his chassis began to creak as the terminator applied more pressure. “Fuck! Ow!”

 

He felt movement within his chassis and his optics shrank in fear. 

 

Fucking shit! My girls are still in there!

 

The terminator leaned down, optics flashing as his audials pressed against his helm. “Lazerbeak. Frenzy. Where. Are. They.”

 

Julian glared up at him, feeling the way his own audials pressed against his helm. Soundwave. 

 

Because who else could it be?

 

I need to get the twins out. Now.

 

“Not telling,” Julian sneered as he subtly shifted his arm over his chassis, letting it shift open where he heard the quiet skittering of claws as Ringbait and Bingbait quickly crawled out of the opening he’d made for them, their movements thankfully going unnoticed by the enraged terminator above him, who slammed his pede against Julian, driving him deeper into the ground with a gasp.

 

“You must. You will,” Soundwave snarled and Julian flinched as more of those cables slipped out of the terminator’s sides. “You do not have a choice.”

 

Julian raised his leg and slammed it up into the terminator’s not-dick, making him move away with a squeal of pain, and he quickly stood up, bringing his servos out in front of him. From the corner of his optic, he spotted the twins scuttling into the safety of HQ-3.

 

“First of all,” Julian said, holding up one claw. “That fucking hurt, you bitch. And second-” He revved up his engine and ignited his core, watching the temperature gauge shoot up on his HUD as he blew out a cloud of smoke. “You’re not taking my fucking kids.”

 

Soundwave roared and raised his arms, and the speakers attached to them began to scream, blasting away the smokescreen, but Julian was already moving.

 

He launched himself at the terminator and slammed into him, making them stumble off the side of the building they were on, where they crashed into the ground below, Soundwave taking the brunt of the fall as he tried to throw Julian off, who only clung on tighter and slammed his helm against the other’s with a snarl.

 

Metal bubbled where they were touching and Soundwave transformed his servo into a gun, which he pointed at Julian’s abdominal plating and fired, sending him flying into the wall with a pained shout.

 

Above them, Julian could hear the sound of helicopters as the soldiers all began to open fire on Soundwave who didn’t acknowledge the bullets that pinged off of his armor, the terminator raising his gun and simply shooting them down where they crashed in a series of massive explosions.

 

That taken care of, Soundwave quickly went over to Julian who was weakly trying to push himself back up, only to slide against the wall with a gurgle when he felt his legs give out, the hole in his abdominal plating leaking red fluids onto the floor beneath him.

 

Hah, Julian thought dazedly. My blood is fucking red. And here I thought I’d be bleeding gasoline or some shit-

 

Claws wrapped around his throat as he was lifted up into the air, and he managed to bring his own claws up to wrap around the servo holding him up as Soundwave said, “Where. Are. They.”

 

Julian gave him a bloody grin. “As I said-” He spat out a fireball into the terminator’s face, causing him to drop him in favor of shrieking in agony as the fire began to eat away at the metal there. “I’m not fucking telling!”

 

He coughed up a splatter of red and he felt someone grab onto his shoulder, and when he looked up to see who it was, he slumped in relief at the sight of Bumblebee and Starbait.

 

“Hey, what too y’all so long?” Julian asked weakly. 

 

“The sky is falling-!” Bumblebee said apologetically. “No way out~!”

 

Ah, they were blocked in. Makes sense

 

Julian looked back at Soundwave who had managed to put out the caustic flames and was now pointing his gun towards them, his scorched face twisted in rage.

 

“Well,” Julian said as he stumbled and Bumblebee was quick to catch him before he collapsed. “I think I’m bleeding out.”

 

Starbait aimed his gatling gun at Soundwave and opened fire, forcing the terminator to grab a helicopter and use it as a makeshift shield. “Confound it all! This one will not fall easily, Creator.”

 

“Yeah,” Julian breathed. “Didn’t think so.”

 

As Starbait paused firing to let his gatling cool off, Soundwave took the opportunity to fire a shot into the truck’s leg, making him crash to the ground with a curse.

 

And just like that, Julian felt like he wasn’t bleeding out anymore.

 

“DID YOU JUST SHOOT MY FUCKING SON YOU WHORE!?” Julian shrieked and felt the flames burst out of his body as he put his motherfucking heelies to use and zoomed over to Soundwave, leaving Bumblebee to shout after him in alarm, his voice joined by Optimus and Ironhide as they also raced onto the scene.

 

Soundwave threw the helicopter at him but Julian ducked beneath it and threw himself at this fucking bitch because how fucking dare he shoot his Star?!

 

He began to claw at the terminator's face as Soundwave tore off the spikes along his back in an effort to get him off. 

 

“TAKE THE BEATING LIKE A MAN!” Julian shouted as he dug his claws into this fucker’s mouth and pulled, forcing it wide open.

 

He felt the heat bubble out of his chassis and he spewed a long stream of blue flames down Soundwave’s throat, who convulsed violently and managed to finally throw him off before Julian could melt him from the inside, the terminator’s claws digging deep into his wound, making Julian choke as he landed a short distance away.

 

Soundwave stumbled to his pedes and retched, liquid metal and red fluids pouring out of his broken jaw to splash onto the floor.

 

A blast suddenly caught Soundwave in the chassis, and he stumbled back with a gurgle; another one slammed into his leg, sending him to his knees; one final blast to his arm sent him sprawling across the ground, optics flickering as his intakes rattled.

 

“And stay down, fragger,” Ironhide spat from where he stood over Starbait who glanced up at him gratefully.

 

“My thanks, Sir Ironhide,” Starbait said. “I was unable to fell this fiend. I had not considered the possibility of being taken out of action so quickly.”

 

“Klikbait!” Optimus called in alarm as he raced over to Julian, who weakly looked up at the Prime.

 

“Yo,” Julian said weakly and spat out a splatter of red onto the floor. “Please don’t let my kids see me like this. They’re gonna freak out.”

 

---

 

Klikbait lost consciousness right after making his plea.

 

Optimus looked over his damaged frame with a grim expression before gently scooping him up, quietly apologizing when Klikbait let out a pained wheeze. He turned to Bumblebee who was watching with wide, concerned optics.

 

“Take him to Ratchet,” Optimus said as he carefully handed Klikbait over to the Camaro. “I will ensure that Soundwave is taken care of.”

 

Bumblebee nodded as Optimus slid his battle mask into place as transformed his servo into a blaster and began to make his way to Soundwave’s prone form.

 

He looked away when Klikbait suddenly moved, and Bumblebee felt his optics open wide at the sight of the panels across the mech’s chassis that opened on their own, revealing his spark. Before he could process what was happening, or even what he was currently looking at, a beam of white light shot out towards Soundwave, enveloping the fallen mech. 

 

Optimus, who had been about to execute the Decepticon, stumbled back in surprise.

 

The light grew brighter and brighter until it was simply… gone.

 

And in the spot where Soundwave used to be, was a tiny, familiar sparkling who snuffled and looked up at them with wide, confused optics.

 

“I beg your fucking pardon,” Ironhide deadpanned. “But what?!”

 

“Yes!” Starbait cheered. “Another spark-brother!”

 

Optimus sank to his knees and carefully scooped up the squeaking sparkling where he studied him with bright optics. 

 

“It appears that Klikbait has acquired yet another sparkling,” Optimus rumbled in amusement.

 

Bumblebee looked down at Klikbait, whose chassis was sealed once more, and realized that his wounds had been healed.

 

Completely oblivious to the miracle he had just performed, Klikbait nuzzled into Bumblebee’s chassis and let out a quiet snore.

 

Notes:

hmu, art <3:
from our lovely Anon: [https://www.tumblr.com/lilruruby/802119252332183552/this-masterpiece-is-brought-to-you-by-anon-ty?source=share]
and our wonderful SamNoelle: [https://www.tumblr.com/lilruruby/802108895564791808/look-upon-this-feral-gremlin-this-parental-unit?source=share]
moar from Anon!: [https://www.tumblr.com/lilruruby/802228320483868672/moar-art-from-anon-ty-for-this-anon-it-nearly?source=share]
moar, moar! from SamNoelle!: [https://www.tumblr.com/lilruruby/802326232460099584/look-look-look-upon-samnoelle-work-i-feel-like?source=share]

Chapter 28

Summary:

the family meets the new lil guy, julian questions his existence and finally gets fucking washed because he a gross bitch

 

Bumblebee carried Klikbait back into base, where he was immediately swarmed by the mech’s army of sparklings who all either climbed up his frame to settle onto the recharging mech, or reached out to pat at his armor to reassure themselves that their creator was alive and well.

 

Behind him, Optimus ducked into the building, his servos still cradling the sparkling-fied Soundwave who stared intently at Boombait and Blastbait before reaching out with tiny servos towards the two, a squeaking shriek echoing out from his underdeveloped voice box.

 

Bumblebee watched as every single one of Klikbait’s offspring zeroed in on the tiny bitlet, and he watched as their optics dilated in sheer joy as they then swarmed Optimus in an attempt to get a better glimpse of their new sibling, leaving Bumblebee to shift Klikbait into a more comfortable position in his arms as the mech in question reached out with a clawed servo to grasp onto his plating as he mumbled something about… pina coladas? 

 

Bumblebee shook his helm in amusement. Alright then.

 

He turned to observe the ‘bait family as they studied their newest sibling, deciding to stick around a little longer before he had to go set Klikbait down who had descended into unintelligible sleepy mutterings.

 

“Has Creator Klikbait given him a designation?” Gifbait inquired as she leaned her helm closer to the sparkling who gazed up at her with wide optics. 

 

“No,” Optimus replied, gently pulling the sparkling back into the center of his servos when he tried to climb onto Gifbait’s face. “But I am certain he will rectify the oversight once he wakes.”

 

“Yes,” Gifbait nodded, squinting at the bitlet happily. “Creator Klikbait: gives the best designations.” She paused, then added, “Boombait: also.”

 

Blastbait waited for Boombait to clamber onto her back before she fluttered into Optimus’s servos, landing right above the bitlet who let out a shriek and immediately clung to her talons, moving to grasp onto one of Boombait’s claws once the other sparkling was within reach, before he buried his helm into her plating with a muffled whine.

 

Boombait and Blastbait shuffled closer and cocooned the bitlet between themselves, who crooned at them in response, nuzzling his tiny helm against them.

 

Gifbait cocked her helm to the side curiously. “He remembers you, Boombait, Blastbait.”

 

“He does feel familiar,” Blastbait purred as she nudged the sparkling with her snout. “Like Creator, but not.”

 

Boombait traced his claws over the tiny servo that was holding on to him. “Sire?”

 

“Once,” Optimus rumbled gently. “He is changed now, and though he may possess a few of his memories, it is likely that those will fade with time, and he will have the opportunity to grow into whatever destiny the AllSpark has seen fit to grant him.”

 

Ironhide shuffled over with Starbait leaning heavily against him as the mechling peered over excitedly at the sparkling. “It matters not what destiny our spark-brother has! He is ours now, and we will cherish him for all of our existence!”

 

Gifbait bobbed her helm in agreement. “We are ‘baits. It is our nature.”

 

Bingbait slithered out from where she and Ringbait had taken refuge within Gifbait’s chassis and hissed, “Yesssss, we arrree terminatorrsssss.We are ooonnneee.” She scrambled over to the bitlet who startled at the sight of her, only to let out a squeak when she delicately nuzzled him. “Vileee thinggg, yessss, Bingbait adoressss youuu.”

 

Ringbait skittered over to settle beside Bingbait and reached out to gently poke at the sparkling, who whirled around to stare at her as well, seemingly shocked to find another sibling.

 

Ringbait beeped and flashed through hundreds of emoticons before settling on:

 

ദ്ദി(｡•̀ ,<)~✩‧₊

 

The sparkling stared at her and let out a confused warble but nevertheless crawled over to nuzzle her as well.

 

Ringbait wiggled happily.

 

“Are you sure about this, Optimus?” Ironhide grumbled as he helped Starbait over to where Ratchet was waiting expectantly. Seeing this, Gifbait darted over where she received her tools and began to work on her brother’s sparking leg, who thanked her cheerfully as Ratchet supervised with a proud gleam in his optic.

 

“I am,” Optimus replied as he carefully walked over to Bumblebee. He nodded to the mech in the Camaro’s arms. “Let us set him down somewhere where he can rest with his younglings.”

 

“Optimus-” Simmons said as he marched into the room.

 

“One moment,” Optimus said as he lowered his servos to reveal the sparkling to the suddenly sputtering human. “We have a new sparkling to accommodate.”

 

“That-” Simmons wheezed as he pointed at the tiny version of the monster that had rampaged through their base of operations not even half an hour ago. “Isn’t that the Decepticon from earlier?!”

 

“Yes and no,” Optimus said as he began to follow after Bumblebee who was now setting Klikbait down in his personal hangar. “He is no longer what he once was, thanks to the AllSpark.”

 

“So what does that mean for me and my men,” Simmons said angrily. “We just let him go after he killed my soldiers? What the fuck, Prime!”

 

Optimus deposited the squeaking sparkling on top of Klikbait, who instinctively curled a protective servo over the wriggling bitlet, his coding having already accepted the sparkling as his own even in recharge.

 

The Prime turned to Simmons. “We do not have a choice, Agent. This is no longer the Soundwave that attacked us. And to kill a child of our kind… that would be far too cruel.”

 

Simmons glared darkly at the sparkling that poked his helm out to stare at him. “Yeah? Alright. Fine. When the Director comes down on all of our collective asses, you be the one to explain what the fuck happened today.”

 

Optimus inclined his helm. “Understood.”

 

Simmons ran a hand through his hair and walked off without a second glance.

 

“He’s pissed,” Bumblebee said as he stepped around Klikbait, pausing to let Blastbait and Boombait skitter under him, before he stopped walking entirely as the rest of the ‘bait family darted past him to settle around their Creator, Starbait being helped down by Gifbait when the mechling began to struggle with the fresh weld.

 

“He is,” Optimus agreed. “But the alternative would be worse for the humans.”

 

“They’ll kill- everyone here- no one- will be safe,” Bumblebee said, glancing over at the family. 

 

“Precisely,” Optimus rumbled softly. “They will understand with time.”

 

“And if they- don’t?” Bumblebee asked.

 

“They will,” Optimus said with finality.

 

---

 

Julian blinked open his optics and smacked his lips together with a disgusted grumble, feeling the residue of something on his glossa.

 

At the sight of a pair of unfamiliar blue optics peering back at him, he sat up, startled, and threw his servos out to catch the squeaking child that tumbled down his frame, and he brought him up to his optics in disbelief.

 

“Where the fuck did you come from, little guy?” Julian asked the tiny thing. “Did I- did I make you in my sleep? Is that-” He looked down at his chassis before looking back at the child. “-is that gonna be something I have to worry about now? Because fucking hell, that is gonna be a whole new level of stressful.”

 

He squinted at the child, and he realized that his face looked familiar. “Aren’t you…?”

 

Red optics flashing in rage, a pede crushing his chassis, a dark, rumbling voice snarling, “Where. Are. They.”

 

Julian deadpanned. “Ah, of course.”

 

The child squeaked and promptly began to gnaw at his claw, his tiny denta doing absolutely nothing to the metal there, and Julian couldn’t help but chuckle at the sight. “Aw, well, you’re definitely cuter like this, kid.”

 

Julian cocked his helm to the side in thought. “No way in hell am I gonna call you Soundwave though. You’re gonna be a ‘bait, so I dub thee Soundbait. Catchy, isn’t it?”

 

Soundbait growled and nibbled harder on his claw.

 

“Creator Klikbait! You are awake!” Gifbait called as she skidded into the hangar with an armful of gasoline. “Gifbait: brings fuel!”

 

As if finally realizing that he was, in fact, starving, his tanks growled and his HUD flashed with familiar red messages.

 

Now that I think about it, I did bleed out a fuckton earlier- how am I not dead? Julian mused to himself. 

 

“Thank you, Gif,” Julian said as he eagerly accepted the cans from his daughter, who plopped down beside him with her own can. “Where’s everyone?”

 

Gifbait cracked open her can and slurped up some of its contents before answering. “Bingbait is with Jazz; Ringbait and Boombait are with Bumbles; Blastbait is with Optimus because he is tall; Starbait is practicing with more weapons with Sir Ironhide.” She drank some more gasoline and squinted happily at Julian. “And Gifbait: is here!”

 

Julian nudged her with a laugh. “Yes you are.”

 

Gifbait hummed happily and leaned over to look at Soundbait curiously. “Has Creator Klikbait given our new spark-brother a designation?”

 

“Yep,” Julian held up the angry sparkling who was now trying to claw at his servos. “Meet Soundbait.”

 

Gifbait perked up. “Gifbait: tell the others!”

 

She set her can down and raced out of the hangar excitedly, leaving Julian to stare after her in amusement.

 

“I guess she wanted to tell them in person, huh?” Julian told Soundbait who had given up trying to rip his servos apart in favor of sniffing at the small pile of cans in his lap. “You hungry buddy?”

 

Julian shuffled Soundbait over to one servo and opened a can with his other one. He looked between his tiny kid and the comparatively large can of gasoline and with a shrug, he decided to stick his claw into the liquid. He withdrew it and eyed the droplet that collected at the tip, which he brought over to Soundbait, and grinned when the child latched onto his claw hungrily, making little merps as he refueled.

 

Fucking awwww

 

“Let’s gooo, who needs a baby bottle? Not me that’s for sure,” Julian cheered to himself as he pulled his claw free and repeated the motions from before, watching at Soundbait’s optics grew heavier and heavier until the child yawned and curled up on top of his servo where he proceeded to fall into recharge only a few moments later.

 

“And into the cradle you go,” Julian whispered as he gently placed Soundbait into his chassis, carefully transforming a few bits around the tiny child to keep him secured. “Another baby successfully parented, woo.”

 

“When Bee said you got another kid, I genuinely thought he was messing with me,” Sam said from where he was leaning against one of the hangar’s doors. “But then I saw two new kids, and realized that he was just understating the truth.”

 

Julian rolled his optics and looked over at the teenager. “Hello to you too, Sammy boy. How was your trip with Michaela?”

 

“Pretty good,” Sam replied, grinning smugly up at him. “Got laid.”

 

“Ew,” Julian said, wrinkling his olfactory. “I do not want to know about what kind of fucking y’all are doing.”

 

“Noted,” Sam snorted as he wandered over to point at his chassis. “How old is that one? It was acting like a puppy more than a kid.”

 

“He,” Julian corrected before shrugging. “And I’m not sure how old the little guy is. He can’t talk, but he’s not as responsive as Ringbait, so he’s definitely closer to a baby than a child or teenager.” Julian flicked his audials and flashed his denta down at the teenager. “He’s definitely a biter though, so watch out, heh.”

 

“And the dragon?” Sam asked. “Where did that one come from?”

 

“From a corpse,” Julian answered. Seeing the disgusted expression on Sam’s face, Julian said, “In my defense, when the corpse was alive, she asked me to turn her into my kid so… yeah.”

 

“Wait, so you didn’t-” Sam cut himself off at the confused expression Julian made. “Er, nevermind.”

 

Julian shrugged and picked up the can of gasoline and drained its contents, watching with satisfaction as the alerts cleared away as his tanks refilled. He set down the empty can and glanced back at Sam who was messing with his phone.

 

“Where is Michaela anyway?” Julian asked. 

 

“She’s talking to your dragon kid,” Sam replied. “She adores her by the way.”

 

“Blastbait is adorable,” Julian agreed. “If anyone says otherwise I’ll fuck them up.”

 

Sam put away his phone and shoved his hands into his jean pockets. “So does that mean you’re gonna beat the shit out of Agent Simmons?”

 

Julian narrowed his optics and felt his audials strain forwards, his entire frame going eerily still. “What do you mean by that?”

 

Sam shrugged. “He’s mad about the tiny one not getting charged for his crimes when he was big, if that makes sense.”

 

Julian cocked his helm to the side. “What crimes.”

 

“He killed a bunch of people, Klik,” Sam said. “Me and Michaela literally saw them taking the bodybags off-sight. It was rad.”

 

“Oh,” Julian said apathetically. “Right.” 

 

The AllSpark gave a pointed pulse and he rubbed at his chassis in annoyance. “If you wake up the fucking kid with your weird moral bullshit, I’m gonna slap a bitch.”

 

At that, the AllSpark settled down with a final poke, and Julian rolled his optics. “This fucker, I swear to god.”

 

“Who are you even talking to?” Sam asked him with a tired expression. “Or did you finally lose your shit after having, what, like six kids?”

 

“I’m talking to god, bitch,” Julian snorted. “Or, well, a piece of him. I think. Still not entirely sure what the AllSpark fucker is, just that he’d definitely some kind of alien god thing.”

 

“Right,” Sam said as he slowly backed out of the hangar. “You keep… talking to god, or whatever. I’m gonna go get Optimus, or Bee. Actually, I’ll get Bee instead. Optimus is busy talking to an angry lady right now.”

 

And with that, the teenager ran out of the hangar.

 

Julian shook his helm with an amused snort and carefully opened his chassis, where he spotted Soundbait still snuggled in his little makeshift nest, completely dead to the world.

 

“Is it bad that I want more itty bitty babies like you?” Julian whispered quietly, watching as his kid’s tiny chassis rose and fell with each intake. “Not that I don’t love my other kids but- but you’re just so small.”

 

Who cares if this used to be a giant murderous terminator, Julian thought as he continued to watch his child recharge. He’s my baby now.

 

His optics narrowed when he thought about what Sam had told him, and he felt a sneer grow across his face.

 

I’ve only had Soundbait for a few fucking hours but if anything happened to him, I’ll throw every goddamn human into the ocean and blow up the planet.

 

He considered the thought for a moment, before adding, I’ll make sure my other kids are off the planet first though. 

 

A commotion outside of the hangar brought him out of his morbid imaginings, and Julian glared at where it was coming from before deciding to heave himself up, his legs shaking a little as he got used to standing up, his mind convinced that he was still injured despite there not being anything physically wrong with him.

 

He prodded his side where he remembered he’d gotten shot, and with a start, he realized that his arms were less… noodly than before.

 

He glanced down at himself. “Damn. I got fat.”

 

He had more bulk, though he was still short as hell, which was fair. 

 

Julian glanced at his legs and coughed because goddamn. “Someone call motherfuckin’ Shakira, cus these hip ain’t fucking lying, yo.”

 

He wiggled them for fun and snickered to himself before he heard the shouting kick up a notch once again and he huffed in annoyance. “Ah, right. Obligations.”

 

He shoved the half-closed hangar door until it slammed open, and he awkwardly marched out, not getting very far when Bumblebee met up with him with a little wave.

 

“Bumbles,” Julian greeted him. “Any idea as to what the fuck everyone is bitching about?”

 

Bumblebee seemed to pause, optics darting across his frame for a split second before he said, “Everybody~ wants to see- da baby.”

 

Julian huffed out a small cloud of steam. “Too fucking bad. The baby’s asleep. They can look at him when he’s awake.”

 

Bumblebee nodded and Julian shook himself off, feeling the residual bits and pieces of his blood crack off to drift onto the ground below. “Eguh, tell me there’s a way to wash off all of this blood. You got a hose somewhere around here?”

 

“Right this way- amigo,” Bumblebee warbled as he motioned for Julian to follow, which he did, though not without a bit of cursing and stumbling as he readjusted to his new legs, until Bumblebee slowed down enough for him to keep up beside the Camaro.

 

“Stupid fucking legs,” Julian growled as he let himself sway from step to step, the motion easier to handle than just walking normally. “I feel like I’m going down a goddamn catwalk.”

 

“You get used to it- like riding a bike!” Bumblebee assured him, reaching out to place a steadying servo on his back when Julian wobbled. “Don’t worry about a thing~”

 

“Like riding a fucking bike, my ass,” Julian seethed as he nearly toppled forwards before finally giving up on looking like a chad and settled with the fucking hipsway. “Ugh.”

 

“Not a bad look- really brings out your- spark!” Bumblebee teased before jumping away from the clawed swipe Julian aimed at him.

 

Julian nearly gave chase but froze when he felt Soundbait shuffle around before settling down, and carefully peeked inside to see that his kid was still in recharge, and he let out a quiet sigh of relief.

 

Bumblebee sidled over to him and followed his gaze. “He is- out- completely- gone.”

 

Julian rolled his optics and shut his chassis. “Well, duh. He’s a baby. Babies don’t do much besides eat and sleep.” From what I know, anyway. I’m just lucky terminators don’t gotta shit-

 

Bumblebee tugged him to the side, where he was presented with an indoor carwash, and he spotted Michaela waving at him cheerfully where she was scrubbing down Starbait, whose truck form gleamed. 

 

“Hey, Klik,” the teenager greeted as she hosed the suds off of his son. “You looking for a wash too?”

 

Julian felt his optics sparkle at the sight because good god when was the last time he went through a full wash?

 

“Fuck yeah,” he said. “But, uh, can’t really transform right now.” He gently patted his chassis. “Got a baby in here who’s napping.”

 

Michaela’s eyes snapped to his chassis and a giddy expression appeared on her face. “I heard! Is he really smaller than Ring?”

 

“Oh yeah,” Julian nodded. “He’s teeny tiny.”

 

“Awww,” Michaela cooed as she began to dry off Starbait, who rumbled contentedly at the motions. “Well, washing you shouldn’t be a problem. Bee just needs to help me for the spots I can’t reach. That okay with you, Bee?”

 

Bumblebee gave her a thumbs up.

 

Michaela thumped Starbait on the hood, and his son transformed, looking down at himself in satisfaction. “My thanks, Lady Michaela!”

 

“No problem, Star,” she giggled before waving Julian over. “Your turn!”

 

Julian walked over, and after a moment of consideration, he slowly lowered himself down onto his knees, before sitting back so that his pedes were propping him up from below. 

 

“Ready?” Michaela asked as she stepped onto Bumblebee’s offered servo.

 

“Abso-fuckin’-lutely,” Julian replied and let his audials flatten against his helm as she began to shower him with water, feeling utterly blissed out at the feeling.

 

Michaela had Bumblebee move her around as she got into every nook and cranny of his frame, letting out a surprised sound when she realized- “Huh, your paint is black.”

 

“Mhm,” Julian said, not really processing her words as he simply enjoyed the feeling of water running through previously caked joints. 

 

Michaela switched to soap and directed Bumblebee to place her on Julian’s shoulder plating, where she began to blast away at the dirt and debris with a determination brought on from realizing that he wasn’t, in fact, gray, but just so goddamn dirty that it covered the original paint beneath.

 

Julian closed his optics with a rumbling purr as Michaela scrubbed over his neck cables, before obligingly ducking his helm so that she could reach into the seams of his face. She washed away the soap before asking Bumblebee if he could scrub at Julian’s back with the scrub brush she had set to the side, and after a moment of hesitation the Camaro agreed.

 

If Julian felt good before, it was nothing compared to the heaven he felt as his back was scrubbed thoroughly and he practically went boneless at the feeling. “Man, that shit is good.”

 

“How on earth did you clean yourself before this?” Michaela asked wonderingly as she cleared away a mass of what she realized was just straight up garbage from his chassis. 

 

“Ahem,” Julian blinked sluggishly. “Well, I’d just stand outside in the rain usually, either as myself or in my motorcycle form. Usually worked. Y’know. When it actually fucking rained.”

 

“We were in California before this,” Michaela deadpanned. “What fucking rain?”

 

“Exactly,” Julian said with a wink.

 

“I’m going to make this a weekly thing, I hope you realize this,” Michaela said, pointing at him with a sponge.

 

“I’m not complaining- ooh, do that again,” Julian purred as Bumblebee scrubbed beneath the spikes on his back. “Yessss.”

 

Unseen by Julian, but completely visible to Michaela, Bumblebee’s audials flattened against his helm as his optics swiveled over to look at the teenager helplessly.

 

Michaela winked at him before saying, “Alright, let’s hose him down.”

 

When all was said and done, Julian looked even deadlier than before as he went from dusty dark gray to a gleaming, shimmering black. He nodded approvingly as he studied the plating of his chassis, arms and legs. “I look sexy as fuck. Is this what it’s like to get the spa treatment? Because goddamn I never want to miss an appointment.”

 

Michaela giggled. “Well, if I have it my way, you’re never going to get beyond mildly smudged.”

 

Julian grinned. “Nice.”

 

He looked over to Bumblebee who was staring up at the ceiling with wide optics and walked over to punch him lightly on the arm. “Thanks for the help, Bumbles. It felt great. Let me know if you want me to return the favor cus that shit feels awesome.”

 

Bumblebee only let out a garbled mix of static before suddenly turning and racing away, leaving Julian to look after his retreating form in confusion.

 

“The fuck is up with him?” Julian asked.

 

Michaela leaned against a nearby table and cackled.

 

Notes:

here's a doodle hehe: [https://www.tumblr.com/lilruruby/802422459764703232/hehehehe?source=share]
also all the kids so far lmao: [https://www.tumblr.com/lilruruby/802434450223955968/finally-got-the-whole-crew-for-now?source=share]

Chapter 29

Summary:

the kids get washed, michaela is best gurl, bumblebee has a fkin crisis, and julian wonders wtf bumbles is smoking

Notes:

inspired by a convo on tumblr o7 this one's for you sammy

 

Michaela ended up washing the rest of the kids, and was in awe at just how much garbage she was able to dig out from them, the worst of the bunch being Boombait and Gifbait.

 

“I swear, it’s like you all lived in a dumpster or something,” she said as used a scrub on Gifbait’s grill, who hummed contentedly at the sensation.

 

“We did,” Gifbait replied as she shook herself off, pieces of soggy something falling off of her with a loud splat. 

 

Michaela turned to Juian with an unimpressed expression, to which he raised his servos defensively.

 

“What?” Julian said. “It’s not like I can just book a fucking hotel for us- and most of the time people generally avoid going into junkyards.”

 

“Bumblebee stayed in a dealership,” Michaela pointed out. 

 

Julian crossed his arms with a huff. “Bumbles did not have to look after babies.”

 

The girl paused before nodding. “Alright, that’s fair.”

 

She turned back to Gifbait who was poking at the clumps on the floor with a digit, her expression one of complete fascination.

 

“Gif, can you transform for me please?” Michaela asked as she switched over to the soap, taking the opportunity to retie her ponytail as she did so.

 

Gifbait nodded and transformed, and Michaela clambered onto her hood and began to blast the soapy mixture all over the Honda until she looked less like a vehicle and more like a living mass of bubbles.

 

Julian internally snapped a picture at the sight before he walked over to crouch in front of his daughter with a laugh. “Where’s my girl? I only see bubbles.”

 

Gifbait giggled and wiggled her mirrors. “Gifbait: still here, Creator Klikbait!”

 

“So she is!” Julian crowed as he reached forward to poke at her hood. “I didn’t see you there!”

 

Gifbait garbled happily and Michaela jumped off of her to go grab the hose with a light laugh. “You’re such a good dad, Klik.”

 

Julian settled down onto his haunches and smiled fondly at his daughter. “Thanks. I’ve been trying.”

 

Michaela began to wash away all of the bubbles as she said, “That’s still better than most people these days.” She smiled to herself as Gifbait squealed at the feeling of the water flowing over her windows. “It’s good to see that even alien robots can get this shit right.”

 

Julian reached over to gently nudge the teenager with a claw. “Trust me, there was a lot I was fucking up before I started getting shit even close to ‘right.’” Julian closed his optics with a small huff of amusement. “I was kind of a deadbeat bastard at the start, if I’m being honest.” 

 

He looked at Gifbait then around at the rest of his kids who were all splayed out on the ground waiting to dry off as they played robot tetris together. “The kids set me straight though.”

 

Michaela shut off the hose and thumped Gifbait on her hood, letting the femmling know that she could transform, which she did with a happy mumble before trudging over to snuggle into Starbait’s side who easily made space for her.

 

“My point still stands,” Michaela told him with a small, sad smile. “You’re a good dad.”

 

Julian looked at her, and felt his audials twitch downwards when he realized she was speaking from experience. “Alright. I’ll take your word for it.”

 

A moment later he reached over to scoop her up, the girl letting out a surprised shriek of laughter when he smooshed his face against her body with a grin. “You’re a good kid, Michaela. Never change.”

 

She gave him a bright smile. “Aw, thanks, Klik.”

 

Julian felt movement within his chassis and his audials perked up. “Oh shit, I think Soundbait’s up.”

 

“Really?!” Michaela gasped as she clapped her hands over her cheeks. “Can I see him?”

 

“Fuck yeah you can,” Julian said as he lowered the girl onto the ground. He gently lifted his youngest from his chassis, the baby uncurling in his servo to blink around the new environment with large optics. “Here comes the boy~”

 

Michaela covered her mouth to muffle the adoring squeal that came out. “Oh my god, he’s so cute!”

 

“Right?” Julian cooed as he cocooned his tiny son in between his servos and lowered him down so that Michaela could get a closer look at him. “Hard to believe that he’s gonna get bigger than this, huh?”

 

They sat like that for a while, cooing over the baby as the rest of the kids occasionally came over to look at Soundbait, the smaller of the ‘baits even clambering into Julian’s servos to nuzzle him before going back to playing with each other, while his larger kids contented themselves with gentle nudges of their digits against their youngest sibling’s plating.

 

Soundbait soaked all of the attention like a sponge, and began to chirp up at Julian expectantly, large optics wide and pleading.

 

Oh, I know that look, Julian thought with an amused grin.

 

“You hungry, Sound?” Julian crooned as he stood up. The baby chirped up at him again and wiggled his little body excitedly. “Aw, yeah you’re hungry, aren’t you?”

 

Julian glanced down at Michaela. “I’m gonna go back to the hangar and feed him. In case anyone wonders where I went.”

 

“Okay, see you later, Klik,” Michaela said with a wave as she trotted over to sit with Ringbait who waggled her legs at the girl in greeting.

 

Julian turned and began to walk back in the direction he and Bumblebee had come from, paying no mind to the various soldiers that stared at his tiny child that continued to chirp up at him.

 

He would have continued to ignore them if it wasn’t for the squadron of soldiers that stepped into his path, the woman who nearly had him shot back at HQ-2 taking point as she glared up at him.

 

Julian flicked his optics over them with a scowl as he gently placed the now whining Soundbait into his chassis. “You got something to say?”

 

“Not at all,” the woman replied as she raised her arm, the soldiers clearing a path around them. “We’re taking our leave, as a matter of fact.”

 

She continued on her way, and Julian narrowed his optics when he realized she was heading in the direction of his kids. Better not take the fucking risk.

 

He pinged a message over to Bumblebee, needing a moment to find the line the Camaro had only ever used once before to send him coordinates. “Hey, Bumbles. I need you to keep an eye on my kids. They’re over by the wash, and some bitch with a bad attitude is hanging around with a squad. I’d stay but I need to feed Sound.”

 

He received an affirmative from the Camaro and the ping dropped. Julian felt his ruffled plating settle when he spotted a flash of yellow darting over to where his kids were, and let himself breath out in relief. I should find out what the others’ pings are just in case…

 

He returned to the hangar and let himself sink down onto the ground with a grunt as his hips shifted, nearly making him overbalance but he managed to catch himself by digging his claws into the wall, the metal there letting out a loud shriek, and his audials flattened against his helm at the sound, making him hiss in annoyance.

 

Had he been paying attention, he would have heard a muffled curse outside followed by the sound of running footsteps that quickly faded away.

 

Settled, he dragged over a can of gasoline and opened it before lifting Soundbait out of his chassis once again, the baby squeaking excitedly when he caught the scent of the fumes.

 

“Yeah, yeah,” Julian said as he began to feed him, feeling his spark melt at the sight of Soundbait’s tiny claws that came up to grasp onto his own. “I’ve got you, buddy.”

 

Once the baby was done feeding, Julian cradled him against his chassis, quietly humming to him until he drifted off to recharge once again, and he tucked him back into his chassis, the anxiety he hadn’t realized he had been feeling quieting at the knowledge that his kid was now safe inside of him.

 

As Julian considered going into recharge as well, he startled when the hangar doors slammed open, revealing a panicked Bumblebee who looked around frantically with his gun at the ready before slowly relaxing, and he glanced over at Julian in confusion.

 

“Sam- heard a loud noise- got- worried~” Bumblebee said as he peered at the wall that now had three gouges in it. “-Attack?”

 

Julian raised a servo against his pulsing spark because jesus christ that had scared the shit out of him. “What- no, no attack. I just slipped earlier.” Tensing, he leaned forwards and asked, “How are the kids? Did the bitch leave?”

 

Bumblebee’s audials twitched but he nodded as he transformed his servo back. “Gone~ tried to talk to- kids, but- Gif- scared them all straight, haha!”

 

Julian felt his optics widen. “Gif scared them off?”

 

Bumblebee’s optics squinted at him in amusement. “Like father, like daughter.”

 

Julian preened. “Heh, that’s my girl.”

 

“Is he alright, Bee?” Sam called as he raced into the hangar, stopping to place his hands on his knees to catch his breath. 

 

“A-okay!” Bumblebee said as he reached over to gently pat the teenager on the back with a digit. “Just a- misunderstanding.”

 

“Oh, thank god,” Sam wheezed. “Michaela would freak if anything happened to you, man. Even if you are insane.” He made a face. “Not sure why she likes you so much, if I’m being honest.”

 

Julian’s audials perked up as he snorted in amusement. “Michaela’s great. Also, thanks for calling in the calvary, Sammy. Now I know that you’re useful as a runner.”

 

“Fuck off,” Sam laughed. “See if I look out for you again.”

 

Julian snickered before slumping against the wall behind him with a tired sigh. “Man, I’m beat. I’m gonna take a nap.”

 

“You didn’t even do anything,” Sam said, only to get pushed out of the hangar by Bumblebee. “Wha- c’mon, Bee. I’m kidding!”

 

Julian snorted softly as the teenager was gently chased out, and he let himself sink down onto his side, feeling the way his optics grew heavier and heavier as the seconds ticked by.

 

Distantly, he heard Bumblebee return and quietly shut the hangar doors before seemingly deciding to watch over him, judging by the quiet creaking sounds of the terminator sitting down a few meters away from where he had laid down.

 

The thought that his friend would make sure him and his baby wouldn’t get fucking shot in their sleep was a comforting one, and he let himself curl up into a ball, before finally slipping into recharge.

 

---

 

Bumblebee quietly observed Klikbait as the mech’s intakes cycled in the silence of the hangar, his optics roving over the other’s changed appearance appreciatively before he glanced down at his servos consideringly.

 

He recalled Optimus having mentioned something about Klikbait telling him about being experimented on by humans, of being taken apart before being reconstructed into what he was when Bumblebee first met the somewhat crazy, charismatic mech.

 

Thinking back on their first meeting, Bumblebee felt his audials flatten against his helm when he recalled just how frail Klikbait had looked with his protoform practically bared to the entire world, and it was a wonder just how he managed to stay alive this long considering that he had run into Starscream, Barricade, Blackout, Scorponok and Megatron.

 

And Soundwave now too, Bumblebee mused. And then his thoughts went towards that confrontation, and he felt his door wings shudder as he recalled the vicious way in which the smaller mech had torn open the Decepticon’s mouth to breath fire down his throat. 

 

He spared a quick glance towards Klikbait and he slowly trailed his gaze down to those wickedly sharp claws before he forced himself to look away with a frustrated burst of static.

 

Not the time, Bumblebee scolded himself before he let himself recall the way Klikbait’s mangled frame had repaired itself after converting Soundwave into a sparkling, which then led to him thinking about the armor that now covered the entirety of his protoform, giving him a distinctly… curvy appearance.

 

Bumblebee slammed the back of his helm against the hangar wall and froze when Klikbait snuffled before settling down, though not before stretching out one sleek leg in front of him… and Bumblebee felt like he was going to lose his mind.

 

It didn’t help that the other mech had seemingly forgotten various aspects of their culture, according to Optimus who had pulled them all aside to discuss the possibility of Klikbait having been stranded on Earth for millions of vorns and as a result from the lack of outside interaction with his own species, he simply… adapted to a human-like outlook.

 

Which also meant that he didn’t remember that one did not simply open their chassis in front of anyone just to offer cans of gasoline. Friendly gesture or no, it was just too… enticing.

 

Or that it was incredibly suggestive to ask another mech or femme to retrieve materials for their offspring when there was no partner to speak of, and Bumblebee wondered what it said about him that he had never bothered to explain any of this to his friend.

 

He reached up to grasp his helm with both servos and felt himself flinch when Klikbait’s pede knocked against his leg as the small mech shifted once again in his sleep.

 

Bumblebee shuttered his optics and took a deep intake of air. Focus.

 

Accidental offerings of courtship aside, Klikbait also didn’t seem to realize how his wildcard nature appealed to various battle-hardened mechs. Bumblebee had seen a few appreciative glances aimed at the small mech on the rare occasions he was able to display his abilities as a fiery brawler, and that was not even scraping the surface of other things one could appreciate about Klikbait.

 

Bumblebee, in a rare moment of sheer stupidity, went down the list, unaware of the long-dormant coding that was steadily beginning to awaken as he did so.

 

Klikbait was hot-tempered, but still kind. It showed in the way he was fiercely protective over his offspring, willing to tear anything apart even if it meant literally killing himself in the process- his processor flashed to a snarling Klikbait covered in red energon, and wondered why the image made him feel… very interested. 

 

Bumblebee smacked himself with a servo. Focus!

 

 …But he was infinitely gentler with his young, always there to comfort them or take care of them, somehow able to tend to each of their needs despite how many there were, which was an impressive feat considering that most sparklings usually ended up fending for themselves on the rare occasions a cybertronian managed to nest, resulting in a number of the sparklings dying off before even reaching a single vorn.

 

A possessive feeling slithered through Bumblebee at the thought of Klikbait eventually settling down to make a nest of his own, and at the thought of who would help him make that nest- he shook his helm to clear away the sudden, violent feeling that the thought inspired.

 

Focus!

 

Klikbait could fight. 

 

Immediately, Bumblebee’s processor drudged up various points of data from his memory banks; Klikbait facing off against Soundwave; Klikbait purring at him and Jazz as steam wafted off of his frame, the half-lidded golden optics, the crooked claw as he beckoned them to come at him; the memory of his hot frame beneath Bumblebee’s arm as he was forced to let him go before the mech proceeded to disintegrate Scorponok when he realized that Bumblebee was taking too much damage-

 

Protective, Bumblebee’s processor rumbled. A good mate.

 

Bumblebee’s optics swiveled wide open at that, and with a start, he frantically ran through every bit of coding within his frame where he eventually stumbled upon a code that was now awake and active.

 

“Fucking- shit,” Bumblebee warbled as he thunked against the wall behind him, his optics fixated on the roof of the hangar above him as he scanned through the code feverishly.

 

There, an almost innocuous bit of coding cycled through his systems, one he would have missed entirely if not for the sudden, unexpected thought-

 

[<Active: Compatibility Protocols; Target: Carrier>]

 

01010010 01110101 01101110 01101110 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01110011 01101001 01101101 01110101 01101100 01100001 01110100 01101001 01101111 01101110 00101110 00101110 00101110 00100000 01110010 01110101 01101110 01101110 01101001 01101110 01100111 00101110 00101110 00101110 00100000 01110010 01110101 01101110 01101110 01101001 01101110 01100111 00101110 00101110 00101110 00100000 01110011 01101001 01101101 01110101 01101100 01100001 01110100 01101001 01101111 01101110 00111010 00100000 01100011 01101111 01101101 01110000 01101100 01100101 01110100 01100101

 

[<Target: Compatible; Activating latent Sire protocols… Sire protocols Active>]

 

Fuccckkkkkkk, Bumblebee thought emphatically.

 

Oblivious to his crisis, Klikbait hummed softly and continued to sleep.

 

---

 

Scratching from inside of his chassis roused Julian from recharge and he sat up with a yawn and popped open the compartment, where he was immediately greeted by Soundbait’s eager blue optics as the baby chirped and squeaked up at him.

 

“Hello to you too, little guy,” Julian greeted him groggily as he reached down to scoop him up. “You definitely look like you slept real fucking good.”

 

As if to prove his statement true, his tiny baby wiggled excitedly and squeaked at him again.

 

“I bet you’re hungry again,” Julian said as he stretched out the spikes on his back. “Alright, let’s get you some-”

 

He blinked when a can of gasoline was held out in front of him and he followed the servo up to an expectant Bumblebee. “-gas. Thanks, Bumbles. You’re a fucking g.” He reached up and plucked the can from the other terminator’s servo, not giving a thought to the way the other silently watched as he began to feed Soundbait, nor did he notice the way his optics dilated when he began to coo at his baby when he let out a squeaky burp. “God, you’re so fuckin’ cute.”

 

Julian brought his face up to Soundbait who squealed as he nuzzled against his tiny frame, chuffing as the baby began to let out high-pitched squeaking laughs until he finally pulled away with a bright grin. “Right, my turn to fuel up.”

 

Julian reached out for the gas and lifted it up to his mouth and gulped down the contents. Once it was empty, he pulled the can away with a satisfied sigh. 

 

“Come and get your~ free meal ticket!” Bumblebee suddenly said as he pushed another can of gasoline into Julian’s claws, who accepted it with a laugh. 

 

“Anything happen while I was out?” Julian asked as he began to sip at the second can. 

 

Bumblebee seemed to tense before he relaxed and shook his helm. “All clear- partner.”

 

Julian eyed him for a moment before shrugging. “Aight.”

 

He finished up the second can and found that he felt much more awake than before. “Huh, I guess it takes more than one can of gas to keep me going now.”

 

Bumblebee cocked his helm to the side before pointedly looking down at his hips, to which Julian snapped, “Shut up.”

 

The Camaro leaned back as a laugh track played out from his vocalizer. “I ain’t sayin’ nothin’-”

 

“You implied it, you yellow fuck,” Julian said as he pointed a claw at him. “So shut.”

 

“Alright, alight- I’m zippin’ it-” Bumblebee said as he made a zipping motion over his mouthpiece.

 

“Good,” Julian nodded before pushing himself up onto his pedes, making sure to keep a hold of Soundbait who had been watching their interaction with wide, curious optics. “Now, I don’t know about you, but I’m gonna go on a fucking walk. I’ve been sleeping too much, and I want to check on my kids.”

 

“Don’t mind me- I’ll join ya, toots,” Bumblebee said as he pushed open the doors for Julian who nodded at him in thanks.

 

“Fine by me,” Julian snorted as he walked out. He paused and turned to the Camaro who was closing the hangar doors behind them. “Hey, I’ve got your, uh, comm-ping thing, right? Is there a way I can get Optimus’s and Ironhide’s? Maybe Ratchet’s too?”

 

Bumblebee was suddenly looming over him; his optics focused intensely on him. “Why?”

 

Julian blinked up at him and held up Soundbait who chirped up at the Camaro. “I want to make sure I can call on them to keep an eye on the kids whenever I can’t.” Julian glanced at his baby and let a slow smile spread across his face as he added, “Or whenever I end up having to look after more tiny babies like this little guy.”

 

Bumblebee stared down at Soundbait before his optics swiveled to stare into Julian’s face, and Julian watched bemusedly as they brightened and the Camaro nodded eagerly. “It takes- a village- here you go!”

 

Julian processed the pings he received and grinned when he recognized their respective owners. “Ay, nice. I was stressing the fuck out over this earlier.”

 

Bumblebee made an odd rumbling sound and Julian stared at him. In his servos, Soundbait had frozen up completely and was staring intently up at the Camaro. “... you good, dude?”

 

Bumblebee nodded before stepping closer to him and nudged him along. “Let’s go- time’s a-wasting!”

 

Julian snorted, but went along anyway, not noticing the way Soundbait cocked his little helm up at Bumblebee warily before letting out a clicking chirp, one that was echoed back by the Camaro, making the bitlet perk up and squeak excitedly.

 

“Heh,” Julian said as he looked down at his baby. “I think he wants to go with you. You cool with that, Bumbles?”

 

Bumblebee nodded and accepted the tiny sparkling when he was handed to him, his audials flicking on his head as he squinted down at Julian’s child and made another clicking chirp at him.

 

Soundbait cooed and nuzzled against Bumblebee’s servos, his frame practically melting in the Camaro’s hold.

 

Julian glanced over and his audials perked up at the sight. “Damn, he really likes you. That’s it, you’re now my go-to babysitter. You’ll never escape the responsibility, Bumbles.”

 

Oddly enough, Bumblebee seemed completely fine with the declaration.

 

“That is- perfectly fine by me,” Bumblebee said.

 

Ayo, holup-

 

“Are you alright?” Julian finally asked as he stopped and squinted up at the weirdly chill Camaro. “You’re not sick, are you? You’re actin’ all fuckin’,” he searched for a word, and settled with, “High or some shit.”

 

“Never better,” Bumblebee said serenely, holding a now sleeping Soundbait.

 

Julian stared at him before huffing. “Okay… but if anything feels fuckin’ off, you go to Ratchet, you hear me?”

 

Bumblebee nodded. “Loud and clear.”

 

He didn’t move.

 

Julian threw his servos up into the air with an exasperated sigh. “Well, I tried. Fuck it- if you keel over, I’ll throw Gif at you and hope for the best. C’mon.”

 

“Aye, aye- sir,” Bumblebee said as he followed after him.

 

Julian did not notice the way Bumblebee's optics dropped down to watch him walk, nor did he pick up on the rumbling purr the Camaro began to let out as he continued to watch.

 

---

 

From the other side of the room, a scientist raised a mug of coffee to her mouth as she and her partner observed the two alien robots making their way through the base.

 

"Think they're fucking?" Her partner asked.

 

They watched as Bumblebee nearly ran into one of the cranes that they had brought in to fix the ceiling, and he was immediately scolded by Klikbait before the smaller robot snatched his baby back from the other and stomped off.

 

They were then treated to the sight of a sulking Bumblebee as he trudged after the other, though he still kept his gaze firmly locked on the smaller robot's... posterior.

 

"Yeah," she sighed tiredly. "They're definitely fucking."

 

"Should we report it?" 

 

She thought about it. She took another sip of her coffee.

 

"Nah," she answered. "We're not paid enough for that kind of shit."

 

Notes:

here are some of my design doodles for klik's appearance, some from when he was a roachy protoform and a few more of his new thunderthighs look xDDD:
[https://www.tumblr.com/lilruruby/802541382898204672/lmao-i-tried-a-different-style-of-before-and-after?source=share]
[https://www.tumblr.com/lilruruby/802499132740812800/ta-daaaa-he-can-be-done-i-was-agonizing-over-the?source=share]

and lest I forget- some saucy klik art from our wonderful SamNoelle!:
[https://www.tumblr.com/lilruruby/802532916052869120/look-at-this-shameless-gremlin-rockin-it-like?source=share

the last scene <3: [https://www.tumblr.com/lilruruby/802589896050081792/them?source=share]

Chapter 30

Summary:

baby gets his first achievement; the kids talk shop and julian learns way more about himself than he ever wanted to

Notes:

ahahahahahahahaha *dies*

 

Julian walked over to where his kids were sitting in a circle with determined expressions, while the rest of the terminators were gathered around them with expressions ranging from amused to mildly intrigued, and he slowed to a stop, immensely curious to see just what they were talking about.

 

He blinked when he felt Bumblebee stop right behind him; he was so close that Julian could feel the way the spikes on his back scraped against the front of the other’s chassis, and he glanced back to see that the Camaro was practically hunched over him, his servos twitching at his sides, and his optics staring straight into his.

 

What the fuck

 

“What the fuck,” Julian said out loud, bringing Soundabit closer to himself as he reached back to push at the other’s hip, seeing as that was the only place he could fucking reach- but it got the job done and Bumblebee stepped back. “You’re gonna fucking fall on me at this rate. Don’t you think for a damn second that I forgot about you almost squishing Sound.”

 

Bumblebee’s audials flattened against his helm as he slumped, and Julian actually felt kind of bad.

 

He sighed and held out the baby. “You get one chance to redeem yourself, fucker.”

 

Bumblebee’s audials perked up almost immediately and the terminator held out his servos eagerly, waiting as Julian carefully plopped Soundbait into them, the little sparkling letting out a happy squeal as he slapped his tiny servos onto the Camaro’s digits which he used to push himself up onto shaking legs.

 

Proud of his achievement, the baby let out a victorious squeak.

 

“Holy- cow,” Bumblebee said, surprised.

 

Julian stared. “Oh my fucking god he just stood up.”

 

The sheer number of pictures he mentally took in those few seconds was damn near astronomical and he would probably regret it later but goddamit his baby just fucking stood up.

 

He leaned in and raised his own servos to cup around Bumblebee’s own, completely missing the way the Camaro froze at the contact.

 

“You are so fucking amazing,” Julian told Soundbait seriously. “Look at you- already putting those tiny legs to use. I am so goddamn proud of you, Sound.”

 

Soundbait cooed up at him before suddenly sneezing. 

 

And just like that, the baby stumbled back down and glared at his chubby legs accusingly.

 

Julian giggled quietly and plopped his chin onto Bumblebee’s servos to watch his baby babble angrily at his tiny pedes. “So what if you fell? You can always get back up later. I’m still proud of you, baby.”

 

A burst of static from above him had Julian looking up in confusion, and he realized he had accidentally been holding the Camaro’s servos hostage.

 

He cackled and pulled away. “Shit man, my bad- hm?”

 

His audials perked up when he caught the beginnings of an argument from his other kids and he let out a soft ‘ah’ as he remembered that he was supposed to figure out what the hell they were up to.

 

He lifted a claw to his lips and shushed Bumblebee before he turned around to listen to his children.

 

“-simply believe that the guns are far superior than mere blades, sister,” Starbait stated as he held out his gatling for the femmling to look at. “Gaze upon its glory.”

 

Julian snorted and shifted his hips, accidentally pressing against Bumblebee who had, once again, inched closer, but he was too focused on the conversation to think about how he was essentially grinding against the Camaro’s leg now, though his audials did flick back in mild irritation when he realized that the fucker was absolutely going to fall on top of him at some point.

 

Said Camaro slowly looked down at where their frames were rubbing against each other and began to rumble heatedly, though he made sure to keep his servos perfectly still as Soundbait attempted to stand up again with tiny little squeaks of effort.

 

Before them, the discussion continued.

 

Gifbait huffed and transformed her arm into a sword, which she settled over Starbait’s gatling with an audible thunk. “Guns: use fuel. Swords: do not. Swords: superior!”

 

Starbait tilted his helm to the side. “Ah, I admit that there is truth in your words. But whereas you must utilize your blades in close-combat, where there is far more risk, I am able to fire upon the enemy from a safe distance.”

 

Gifbait lifted her chin and thunked her sword against the gatling once again. “Gifbait: skilled at close-combat. Gifbait: able to take down a terminator. Starbait: too inexperienced. Got hurt.”

 

“Ouch,” Julian hissed to himself. 

 

Starbait seemed to flinch back at her words, prompting Gifbait to startle as she transformed her sword back into her servo which she used to pat frantically at the mechling’s arm.

 

“Gifbait: too harsh,” she said mournfully. “Gifbait: asking for forgiveness.”

 

Starbait nodded and reached over to pat her on the helm. “I forgive you, sister. In a way, I suppose I needed to hear those words. I am rather prideful, after all.” He glanced down at his gatling and sighed. “And I do need to learn how to utilize more arms- Sir Ironhide is correct in saying that it is bad form to have a single preference.”

 

“Aw,” Julian crooned as the other kids began to chime in about what weapon Starbait could include in his arsenal. “Look at ‘em, resolving arguments.”

 

I’m so fucking lucky that these kids are so well-adjusted, Julian thought to himself, pleased.

 

He shifted again, only this time he shoved a servo behind himself to push at Bumblebee, and huffed when he felt the vibrations of whatever the fuck the rumbling thing was that the Camaro kept doing now.

 

“The fuck did I just say, Bumbles?” Julian said snippily and shoved at him again.

 

“Right, right- backin’ up, backin’ up,” Bumblebee said and slowly moved away.

 

Julian turned his helm to give him an unimpressed look at the noticeably small amount of space that was still between them. “Really?”

 

Instead of responding, the Camaro held up his servos, revealing a beaming Soundbait that was now standing on his own, and Julian immediately forgot to be annoyed in favor of smiling brightly at his baby. “Fuck yeah! I knew you could do it, little guy!”

 

Soundbait wiggled excitedly and chirped, and Julian watched as the tiny antenna on his helm flicked up and down. Fucking hell, this baby just gets cuter and cuter.

 

“Alright, let’s go say hi to the others, yeah?” Julian cooed as he reached out to scoop Soundbait back into his servos. Baby secured, he looked up at Bumblebee and hummed thoughtfully as he cast a glance down at Soundbait.

 

“Ay, go get us a can of gas,” Julian told him. “Sound will be getting hungry soon with all of this exercise.”

 

“Sir, yes sir!” Bumblebee said with a salute before absolutely booking it back towards the hangar.

 

Julian stared after him. In his servos, Soundbait let out an inquisitive hum.

 

Julian pretended the baby was asking him what the fuck was up with Bumblebee and said, “I honestly have no fuckin’ idea, baby.”

 

Soundbait let out a sneeze.

 

---

 

Julian walked over to his kids, and snorted in amusement when he realized that his smaller kids were now squabbling over which weapon Starbait should use; going from knives to cannons to bombs until-

 

“Nuclearrr weaponssss,” Bingbait hissed as she smacked one of her claws against the floor below. “Youuu can’t misssss with thosssee.”

 

Blastbait cocked her helm to the side. “... I don’t believe that would end well.”

 

Ringbait’s screen played a clip of a mushroom cloud before following it up with a skull and crossbones. 

 

Bingbait bobbed her helm eagerly. “Exactlyyyy my point, sisssterrrsss.”

 

“Boombait: thinks boom too big!” Boombait said as he waved his servos into the air. “We go boom too!”

 

Bingbait considered this, before she said, “We cannl ssstealll a sshhip and flyyyyy awayyyy.”

 

Blastbait looked down at her wings bemusedly as Boombait shook his helm. “Too many of us.”

 

Bingbait hissed, “Thennn weee makee a bigger sshhip!”

 

Starbait peered down at her. “A vessel to call our own would be rather convenient.”

 

Ringbait scuttled onto his pede and waggled her legs up at him.

 

Bingbait nodded, preening. “Yesssss.”

 

Gifbait perked up when she spotted Julian, who waved at her cheerfully. “Creator Klikbait!”

 

As one, all of his kids leapt to their pedes and scrambled around him, all of them chattering excitedly about what they had been doing and asking if he rested well and if Soundbait was okay and Julian laughingly reached out to pat and nuzzle them one by one. “Chill, kids. I’m good and baby’s good too.”

 

At this, the ‘baits turned their attention to Soundbait who proudly showed off his ability to stand, and they all cheered happily at the sight.

 

Optimus, from where he had been leaning against the wall as he spoke quietly with persimmons, turned to nod at him in greeting before returning to his conversation, one that became a bit more tense when the terminator noticed the way the human was glaring at Soundbait and Julian. From beside him, Ratchet leaned over to mutter something to persimmons who flinched back before seemingly slumping in defeat, and just like that, the tension was gone.

 

Michaela and Sam and Jazz waved at him in greeting; both of the teenagers having been deeply absorbed in whatever information the white terminator had been sharing with them.

 

“Whattup, man!” Jazz called before doing a double-take as he looked him up and down with wide optics. “Goddamn-”

 

“Don’t you fucking start!” Julian snapped.

 

Ironhide, however, walked over to slap a servo onto Julian’s back with a loud laugh, making him stumble forward as the terminator said, “You won’t mind if I take all of your sparklings on as apprentices once we’re back on Cybertron, right?”

 

Julian blinked and grinned. “Not particularly. If they’re down to learn more about how to destroy shit, who am I to keep them from their dreams?

 

Bingbait let out an excited shriek and flung her claws up into the air. “Yesssss! Thank you, fatherrr!”

 

“Gifbait is already my apprentice, fragger,” Ratchet snapped as he walked over to glare at the specialist, who held his servos up in surrender. The medic nodded over to Julian in greeting. “Klik, good to see that you’re doing well after the whole mess with Soundwave; though I do want to give you a check-up. You and the new sparkling.”

 

“Sure,” Julian said with a shrug as he began to follow after the medic towards the repair bay, where a number of the human engineers greeted Ratchet cheerfully.

 

“Yo, Ratch!” One guy called out. “You want us to clear the area for you, man?”

 

“If you wouldn’t mind,” Ratchet replied. 

 

The guy gave him a thumbs up and began to bark orders out at the rest of his crew, and before long there was a sizable area where the both of them could comfortably fit in, and Ratchet motioned for Julian to sit down.

 

Julian sat and lightly bounced Soundbait in his servos as the medic walked around him with a scanner, and he jerked when he felt something prodding at his abdominal plating. 

 

“I’m told that you were shot here?” Ratchet asked as he ran his digits over the armor there, his expression one of deep concentration.

 

“Yeah, but after I passed out I got better,” Julian told him. “Somehow. I think the AllSpark fucker did something.” He knocked on his leg with a servo. “Bet he did this too.”

 

Yes, came the smug response from the AllSpark fucker in question.

 

“There we go,” Julian said. “The AllSpark fucker did do this. Little bastard.” He tapped at his chassis irritably. “Did you have to give me thunderthighs, though?”

 

Yes, the bastard replied.

 

Julian narrowed his optics. That is a goddamn lie-

 

Ratchet stared at him. “Did- did you just communicate with the AllSpark?”

 

“Oh, yeah,” Julian nodded. “Been able to talk to him for ages now. Though before it was all about feelings and shit. Now I can sorta hear what the fucker’s saying. Which is a complete bummer, let me tell you, because this piece of shit is a goddamn troll.”

 

Soundbait let out a gurgle and began to chirp incessantly up at Julian, who shushed him gently. “You’ll get your food soon, Sound. Be patient for me, hm?”

 

“I see,” Ratchet said in a tone that implied he didn’t, in fact, see. “Optimus did mention something about you being able to speak with, ah, him. But we assumed it was only possible only when you were going to create a new cybertronian.” He paused before he carefully pressed a servo against Julian’s plating, seemingly making sure that whatever the AllSpark did to heal him wasn’t just superficial. “The implications of such a thing… I will need to consult with him further about what it could mean, if that is alright with you?”

 

Julian shrugged and dangled a claw over Soundbait’s helm, who hissed at it and began trying to catch it with his servos. “Yeah, go for it, doc.”

 

“Thank you, Klik,” Ratchet said, pleased. He motioned towards Soundbait. “Alright, it’s his turn now.”

 

Julian tensed and curled his claws around Soundbait protectively, only for Ratchet to make a weird clicking sound at him, and Julian found himself relaxing enough to hand over his baby.

 

“What’s that noise?” Julian asked as he watched the medic look over Soundbait who began to fuss. “And why is it… nice? Relaxing? Relaxing.”

 

“Hm?” Ratchet glanced over at him. “Ah, right- ahem. Those sounds are intended to calm carriers.”

 

Julian cocked his helm in confusion. “The fuck is a carrier?”

 

Ratchet began to rub at Soundbait's back, and the fussy sparkling settled down with a purr. “Carriers are what we call cybertronians who have brought new sparks into the world- the term isn’t necessarily accurate when it comes to what it is that you do, but seeing as the technique still worked with you, then it is very likely that both your frame and processor has changed to better fit the role, considering your new appearance.”

 

Julian stared at him with wide, twitching optics. “You saying I’m a chick?”

 

Ratchet chuckled as he prodded at Soundbait's arms and legs. “Oh no, you're still very much a mech. But I'm certain if I were to give you a thorough analysis, I would find a gestation chamber beneath your spark- or, I suppose the human equivalent would be a womb.” 

 

He handed Soundbait back to a frozen Julian and said, “Whether or not it was present back when you collapsed after your fight with Scorponok is up for debate. But I believe it may have actually been created, or possibly reintroduced, after your recent confrontation with Soundwave, which is incredibly fascinating to consider.”

 

Ratchet gestured at his frame. “But while I am certain you are now in possession of a gestation chamber, I would still need to physically assess your internals in order to confirm this theory.”

 

“Uh.. huh..” Julian said numbly before he shakily stood up, though he was careful to not drop Soundbait. “I'm… gonna go feed Sound.”

 

Ratchet's optics shuttered. “Ah, very well. Do let me know when you wish to be examined.”

 

“Yep,” Julian replied weakly. “Will do.”

 

With that, he turned and quickly walked back towards the hangar and nearly ran into Bumblebee in his rush, causing the terminator to reach out to steady him when he nearly toppled over.

 

“Fucking shit,” Julian wheezed and shrugged off the other's servo, not noticing the startled and hurt expression that came across Bumblebee's face. “My bad, Bumbles. Something came up and I'm just gonna go turn in, yeah.”

 

He barely processed the, “Is everything- okay, okay~ you don't look too good-” and he didn't see the way Bumblebee slowly began to reach out towards him again.

 

“Fine! Everything is fine and fucking dandy!” Julian said a little hysterically as he pushed past the Camaro. “See you later.”

 

He ran off, clutching a confused Soundbait to his chassis.

 

---

 

Bumblebee watched in worry as Klikbait ran off and attempted to follow after him only to stop at the sound of his name being called by Optimus, and when he turned to look at the Autobot leader, he noted Ratchet standing beside him with a grim expression.

 

Bumblebee felt his audials flatten against his helm and turned- only to slump as watched Klikbait disappear from sight, and he wondered what had made other mech look so… frantic.

 

The thought of Klikbait being in distress was an incredibly... displeasing one.

 

Crack

 

He jolted, and realized that his servo was now soaked, and his attention was drawn to the forgotten can of gasoline he had brought for the other mech, and he let out a mournful noise as he unclenched his servo from around it and he stared down at the completely crushed container.

 

Damn, Bumblebee thought as he tossed it aside and began to make his way over to where Optimus and Ratchet were waiting patiently for him. So much for that…

 

He cast one final, worried glance in the direction Klikbait had gone before he joined the two Autobots, wondering just what it was that they wanted to talk to him about now of all times.

 

---

 

Julian slammed the hangar doors shut and sank down against the wall as Soundbait whined anxiously in his servos, and he realized that his poor baby still needed to fucking eat. 

 

“Shit-” he said as he reached out blindly, and cursed when his servo knocked into a sizable pile of gasoline cans, and he spared a moment to wonder where the hell they all came from, before he grabbed and tore into one and began to feed Soundbait, whose whimpers died down as he was finally being fed. “There. I'm sorry, baby.”

 

As Soundbait fed, Julian began to think.

 

God, why was his life so fucking weird?

 

He barely got used to being a normal fucking terminator that could turn into a car, then he got fucked up and had to get used to that change in his new lifestyle, only to get his body changed again and now he finds out he can get fucking pregnant?

 

“What the fuck?” Julian wheezed. “How does that even fucking work?!”

 

He sat there for a while, just processing this new information until he barked out a hysterical laugh and slumped against the wall. Soundbait continued to feed on the fuel that was still on his claw, though Julian noticed that his optics were beginning to droop.

 

So what if I can maybe get knocked up? Julian thought as he began to sway from side to side, the motions soothing Soundbait into recharge. I'm already a weird fucking terminator with a fuck ton of kids that the AllSpark fucker who may or may not be a terminator god gifted me with. What's one more bombshell?

 

“Just don't think about it,” Julian muttered to himself as he placed his baby into his chassis. “It's not as if I'm gonna go fuck another terminator any time soon.” He considered it for a moment and couldn't help but glance down at himself before quickly looking back up with a disturbed expression.

 

“So… does that mean that I do have a dick?” He asked no one in particular. “Wait, no, if I'm like, half a chick, does that mean I have a…?”

 

After a moment he snorted and shook his helm at the ridiculous thought. “Nah, there's no way.”

 

Don’t think about it

 

Chapter 31

Summary:

julian get some good fuckin sleep, feeds his baby, and decides that today is the day he kills a bitch-

 

Julian jolted awake at the feeling of being picked up, and he let out a revving snarl until he heard a familiar rumbling, and immediately he thought, ah, it’s just Bumbles.

 

Reassured, he let himself relax and he tucked his helm closer to the warmth he could feel, and slowly began to drift off once again only to startle awake with an irritated growl when he felt himself get gently placed down somewhere else, and he began to hiss when he realized that his heater was fucking leaving-

 

He lashed out and dug his claws into his escaping heater and dragged it back so that it toppled down beside him, and before it could think of escaping, he wriggled onto it and wrapped his arms around it with a purr.

 

In seconds, he was out once again.

 

---

 

Bumblebee did not want to move.

 

After the enlightening discussion with Optimus and Ratchet regarding Klikbait apparently being able to speak directly to the AllSpark, he promptly raced to his hangar, hoping that Klikbait had, in fact, returned to it rather than the hazard the smaller mech had taken to calling the bomb stash. 

 

Stumbling to a stop right in front of the closed doors, Bumblebee shook out his servos and reached forward to grasp the handles, and with some effort, he hauled them open and poked his helm inside expectantly.

 

When he didn’t see the mech in the spot where he had recharged the day before, Bumblebee felt disappointed. And then when he turned to leave, he spotted Klikbait slumped against the far wall with a can of gasoline that looked like it had been thrown into a den of scraplets with how utterly shredded it was.

 

For a moment, Bumblebee felt a frisson of dread at the sight- until the smaller mech suddenly shifted and let out a quiet hum, and Bumblebee let out a relieved, static-filled breath.

 

He was alright. Merely resting. In a horrifying position, but resting nevertheless.

 

Bumblebee quickly made his way over to Klikbait and crouched down in front of him. He reached out with a servo to gently shake the smaller mech awake, and watched with quiet amusement as he whined before he tried to push him away- and then he began to tilt to the side, and in a moment of panic when Bumblebee realized that there was a high possibility of Soundbait being inside of Klikbait’s chassis, he leapt forward and caught the falling mech in his arms, crashing to his knees in the process.

 

He held still as Klikbait sighed and nuzzled into his neck, and after a moment of consideration, Bumblebee slipped one of his servos beneath the mech’s legs and lifted him up.

 

The response was immediate, and the smaller mech suddenly lurched up with a panicked snarl and Bumblebee held him closer to his chassis as he began to rumble comfortingly, hoping that Klikbait would recognize that he meant him no harm and calm down.

 

Thankfully, it seemed to work and he watched as Klikbait looked up at him with unfocused optics before he let out a low rumble of his own and pressed his helm under Bumblebee’s chin, the affectionate gesture nearly making the Camaro trip over his pedes as he slowly carried the smaller mech over to a more secure corner of the hangar, where he proceeded to carefully lay Klikbait on the ground.

 

The mech jolted awake with a growl and as Bumblebee began to move away, he wasn’t able to escape the claws that dug into the plating of his arm, the sharp tips puncturing through the metal there as, with a hiss, Klikbait dragged him down to the floor beside him.

 

Before Bumblebee could scramble away, Klikbait crawled on top of him and wrapped both his arms and legs around his frame so that the Camaro could not move without having to rip off the smaller mech from him, which Bumblebee found he really didn’t want to do.

 

Instead, he slowly let his servos settle above the smaller mech’s waist, and he felt his optics shutter as his digits grazed against Klikbait’s hips.

 

I could die happy right about now, Bumblebee thought deliriously.

 

Bumblebee wheezed quietly when Klikbait let out a rumbling purr right beside his audial before he felt him nuzzle into his neck and go limp.

 

Bumblebee risked a glance down.

 

Klikbait’s recharging face greeted him, the silver, nearly white metal of it relaxed in a way it normally wasn’t when the smaller mech was awake.

 

He cocked his helm to the side and let his optics trail down the other’s frame, and felt his intakes stutter at the fact that in any other scenario, Klikbait would have been straddling him; his legs were splayed out on either side of Bumblebee’s thighs, and his chassis was settled comfortably above his own-

 

And with a jolt, it occurred to him that the only thing separating his spark from Klikbait’s were a few layers of metal…

 

…and then he let his helm drop to the ground with a frustrated groan.

 

I think I might actually die, he thought.

 

This was going to be a long night.

 

---

 

Julian roused from recharge at the sound of muffled chirping as Soundbait made it known that he was awake and hungry, and he with a yawn he pushed himself up and looked around groggily for a can of gasoline, and muttered a curse under his breath when he spotted the pile of fuel on the other side of the hangar.

 

He paused.

 

“How the fuck did I…?” he began to say as he went to stand up only to yelp when he looked down to find Bumblebee staring up at him with wide optics. “Holy shit!”

 

Julian attempted to move away only to stumble when he realized that his goddamn legs were way too spread out for him to be able to move.

 

Which meant that he was now going to fucking fall on his goddamn face because clearly the motherfucking universe was out to get him.

 

“Jesus- fucking shit!” Julian screeched and threw his arms out to catch himself only to feel an arm wrap around his waist before he was suddenly pulled down against Bumblebee’s chassis, where his claws latched onto the plating there as he slowly craned his helm up to glare at the sheepish terminator. 

 

“In my defense- it took me by surprise~ that you're- a cuddly little guy,” Bumblebee said as Julian felt his servos drum against his armor nervously.

 

Julian growled and pushed himself up again so that he was straddling Bumblebee. “So, what- did I fucking crawl all the way over here and jump you or some shit?”

 

What a fucking time to find out that I'm a sleepwalker, Julian thought to himself with a scowl.

 

Bumblebee shook his helm. “Saw that- you were over yonder- not very comfortable- and I decided that it would be for the best- lay you down~ here.”

 

Julian blinked. “Shit, for real? You-”

 

Soundbait suddenly let out a loud wail and Julian startled. “Ah, crap. Bumbles, help me up so I can get some food into Sound.”

 

Bumblebee nodded and Julian jolted when he felt the other's servos grasp on his hips before he was carefully lifted off of the other terminator, giving him the opportunity to get both of his pedes under him, and with one final nudge, Julian was up and quickly making his way to the gasoline pile, where he promptly sat down on his haunches as he pulled his hiccuping baby from his chassis.

 

In one move, he stabbed a claw into one of the cans and hovered his servo over his baby, who immediately stumbled to his pedes as he reached for the fuel, still letting out quiet sobs.

 

“Shh, shh, here we go,” Julian cooed as Soundbait quickly latched onto his fuel-covered claw, his intakes quieting as he focused on feeding. “Sorry for taking so long, Sound. You’re a real trooper, little guy.”

 

Julian watched as his baby continued to feed and then his optics went wide when, as he moved to dip his claw into the gasoline again, he spotted the smallest little wires beginning to slide out from Soundbait’s sides, where they proceeded to shoot out to wrap around his claw as the baby let out a distressed shriek.

 

“Aw, baby,” Julian crooned as he carefully tugged his claw free, prompting Soundbait into another fit of loud sobs as he tried to catch it again with both servos and wires. “I’m gonna get you more food alright? Bear with me, hm?”

 

As he dipped his claw back into the fuel, he jumped when he realized that Bumblebee was looming over him, optics locked on the hysterical Soundbait.

 

And Julian watched as the Camaro suddenly began to make quiet, chirping clicks down at his crying baby, who quieted and began to chirp back up at him, his little audials, which had been flat against his helm, slowly perking up as he stared up at the terminator intently; slowly, the wires that had been flailing at the air began to retreat back into his sides until they were safely tucked away.

 

Julian looked between the both of them with wide optics. “... damn. Consider me impressed, Bumbles.”

 

Turning his attention back to feeding Soundbait, he missed the way Bumblebee puffed up proudly, though he didn’t miss the sudden rumbling that came from the Camaro, and he looked over with a bemused expression. “Y’know, I was wondering about that fuckin’ noise you keep making- are you secretly a cat or something?”

 

“Un gato?!” Bumblebee exclaimed with an offended expression. “I am- BETTER- than a cat!” He thunked his chassis with a huff. “Can a- cat- do this?”

 

Julian watched as Bumblebee slid his helmet thing over his helm before he, for the lack of a better word, began to pose; his plating flared up throughout his entire frame for a few moments before he turned to Julian with both servos held up, and he watched curiously as the panels over each one raised up, revealing a pair of hidden muzzles.

 

“Dude,” Julian said as he reached up to poke at them. 

 

“Say it- I’m awesome!” Bumblebee said as he flared his armor again.

 

Julian rolled his optics and then grinned. “Sure, sure, but check this out-”

 

He pushed himself up onto his pedes and flared his own armor at Bumblebee and let the spikes on his back shiver against each other, making them rattle eerily in the otherwise quiet of the hangar, and after a moment, Julian let his core heat up, making steam hiss out of his plating as Soundbait squealed excitedly from where he was being cradled against his chassis.

 

“I think I’m cooler,” Julian hissed as he tilted his helm up, feeling the way his mandibles shifted, one after another. He stretched out his other servo and with a thought, transformed it into a flamethrower which he pointed at the other terminator with a crooked grin. “Wouldn’t you agree, Bumbles?”

 

Bumblebee stared at him with wide optics, the other having at some point retracted his helmet as Julian showed off.

 

“Fuck- okay,” the Camaro wheezed.

 

Julian let himself laugh before he peered down at Soundbait curiously when his baby began to snuffle at his plating. “You wanna hide, Sound?”

 

Soundbait let out a chirp and wiggled his audials.

 

“I hear you loud and clear, little man,” Julian said as he transformed his servo back to give his baby a salute.

 

He flared his armor again and watched fondly as Soundbait crawled into the offered hiding place where Julian felt him settle down. He glanced over at Bumblebee who had come closer to watch the baby hide under his armor and said, “He’s fuckin’ adorable. I’m gonna spoil the shit out of him once he starts talking.”

 

And then he felt his processor click as it sensed someone trying to call him.

 

“Ah,” Julian said as he connected the line. “Gif?”

 

“Creator Klikbait!” Came the panicked ping from Gifbait, sounding as though she were seconds away from bursting into tears.

 

Julian straightened and felt his audials shoot straight up in alarm, making Bumblebee tense up beside him. “Gif? What’s wrong?”

 

“Gifbait: unable to locate Bingbait!” Gifbait cried. “Bingbait: missing!”

 

Julian felt his optics shrink down into pinpricks. “What?”

 

---

 

“WHERE THE FUCK IS MY KID?!” Julian snarled as he tore out of the hangar, steam hissing off of his frame in massive clouds as he felt flames build up at the back of his throat. “YOU FUCKERS BETTER NOT BE TRYING SOME BULLSHIT BECAUSE I. WILL. KILL. YOU!”

 

He heard Bumblebee run after him, and when he glanced over, he saw that the Camaro was keeping pace beside him. 

 

Julian looked away and glared ahead where he could make out the distant voices of his kids.

 

Him and Bumblebee made their way through HQ-3 until he found the rest of the terminators, who were all spread out searching frantically in every corner, crevice and machine part, while his kids darted in and out of HQ-3 with frantic expressions. Around them, various humans were shouting at one another and poking their laptops and computers with fearful expressions.

 

Above him, he spotted Blastbait flying through the air as she looked for Bingbait in the rafters.

 

“Hey, go check with Optimus, Bumbles,” Julian told the Camaro as he nodded towards a pacing Gifbait. “I’m gonna check in with Gif.”

 

Bumblebee reluctantly nodded before walking over to the Prime, who was holding both Sam and Michaela up to a ledge where the teenagers were undoubtedly searching for Bingbait.

 

A few seconds later, Gifbait spotted him and ran over with tear-filled optics. “Gifbait: does not know when Bingbait disappeared. Gifbait: sorry, Creator Klikbait!”

 

Julian reached over to wipe away her tears, and managed to say, “Not your fault, kid. Let your pops figure out what the fuck happened, yeah?” He reached under his plating and pulled out Soundbait, who he handed over to his daughter. “Look after Sound for me, Gif. Daddy’s gonna go kill a bitch.”

 

Gifbait sniffled and nuzzled Soundbait against her helm, making the baby squeak happily. “Okay.”

 

Julian suddenly heard shouting and he turned to see the angry soldier from before cussing at Starbait who held his gatling against himself awkwardly as he stood next to a crushed machine, his audials flat against his helm, as he nodded gloomily at the screaming man.

 

Julian saw red.

 

In a blink, Julian snatched up the piece of shit and brought him up to his face. “Listen here you little fuck-faced, bitchass, sonuva whore; one of my babies is missing and I’m not in a good fuckin’ mood, so if I catch you cussing out my other kids instead of helping me look for her, I’LL BLOW YOU TO FUCKIN’ PIECES!”

 

He dropped the stunned soldier back onto the ground and walked up to his son who looked at him morosely. Julian stopped right in front of him and, without looking, kicked the broken machine away where it crashed into another machine, where both of them immediately caught on fire, sending the already panicking humans into a frenzy.

 

“Someone get the fire extinguisher!”

 

“We don’t have any- we already used them all and the next delivery won’t be until next week!”

 

“WHY DON’T WE HAVE ANY FIRE EXTINGUISHERS?!”

 

“Oh I don’t know, it’s not as if there’s a robot WHO CAN START FIRES OR ANYTHING!”

 

“Ugh- do we have a hose or something?”

 

“It is my fault, Creator,” Starbait murmured, not even acknowledging the chaos around him. “Myself, Ringbait, Bingbait, Samuel, and Lady Michaela were playing a game that the humans called ‘hide and go seek,’ and it was I who was the one seeking.” His audials somehow drooped further as he said, “I was able to locate the rest, but I could not find Bingbait, and after searching for an hour, we realized that we could not hail her either, and thus, Gifbait summoned you.”

 

“The hose isn’t doing anything!”

 

Julian motioned for Starbait to lower himself, which his son did, and like this, Julian could make out the unshed tears in his son’s eyes. “Oh, Star…”

 

“Dave, no! Stop!”

 

He thunked his helm gently against Starbait’s and said, “Like I told Gif- this is not your fault. Sometimes shit goes wrong and we can’t control it. Let your pops handle the rest from here, okay?”

 

“Godammit, Dave! Now the electrical equipment is fucked!”

 

“... at least the fire’s out?”

 

“Shut up.”

 

A tear dripped down Starbait’s cheek as he nodded. “Very well, Creator. I shall heed your words.”

 

Julian nodded and turned away to find Boombait standing a few meters away with Ringbait on his back; Boombait was gazing up at him in visible distress while Ringbait-

 

Julian narrowed his optics suspiciously when he noticed that she didn’t seem as concerned as everyone else. 

 

Sensing his gaze, Ringbait slowly ducked her helm behind Boombait.

 

A cry from above had Julian raising his arm instinctively and Blastbait flew down to land on it with a hiss as her tail wrapped around its length. “Bingbait does not appear to be hiding above us, Creator.”

 

Julian reached up to stroke her metal scales as he glanced over at his other two kids, his optics lingering over Ringbait’s frame. “Alright; so we know that Bing isn’t in HQ-3; and we know that she’s not hiding in the ceiling; I’m guessing she isn’t outside somewhere?”

 

Boombait shook his helm anxiously. “Boombait: look with Star. Star and Boombait: no find Bing, even when Boombait said Bing is stupid.”

 

“Dammit,” Julian said and turned to Ringbait. “Ring?”

 

Ringbait clicked her legs against her spines, but her screen remained conspicuously blank.

 

Got you, Julian thought as walked over to crouch down in front of his kids, and slowly, he reached over to pluck his spider child from Boombait’s back.

 

To her credit, Ringbait didn’t struggle as he brought her up to his face, though she did turn her helm away with a quiet beep.

 

“Ring,” Julian said gently. “Do you know where your sister is?”

 

Ringbait waggled her legs in the air, and her screen flickered for a moment before going blank.

 

Julian sighed and looked over at Blastbait who nodded and flew off towards Gifbait and Soundbait, letting him bring his other servo under his daughter, who settled down onto it only to press herself against his palm nervously. “Baby, I won’t be mad. I just need to know if Bing is safe.”

 

For a moment, she didn’t move, and then her screen flashed and Julian was greeted by a short clip of Bingbait skittering onto a desk where she transformed into a laptop, and he watched with a darkening expression as a scientist walked by and picked her up before stuffing her into his bag, where he proceeded to nonchalantly walk out of the base. 

 

What

 

“Is there a reason you didn’t tell anyone that Bing got kidnapped?” Julian asked slowly, staring at his tiny daughter.

 

Ringbait’s screen flickered, and then he was watching a recording of Bingbait as she shoved her helm towards the camera eagerly.

 

“Bingbait: will begin missssionnnn!” Bingbait hissed as she settled down in front of Ringbait. “Bingbait: will inflitrattttee the Decepticon communicationnssssss- like Prowwwl!”

 

Julian felt his optic twitch. “What.”

 

In the video, Bingbait lifted her chin. “Sssstep one: Bingbait: musssst go outsssside! Plan: let ssstupid humanssss think Bingbait issss not Bingbait!” She tapped her claws against the floor with a smug expression. “Bingbait: will becooomeee worthyyyy sssspymassster!”

 

The recording ended and Julian stared blankly ahead.

 

“Why don’t you and Booms go with Gif and Star?” Julian said serenely as he gently lowered his daughter onto the ground, who stared up at him for a moment before skittering away.

 

Julian then slowly turned to where Jazz was digging through the remains of a military vehicle, and began to stalk towards him.

 

“-on out, little shit,” Julian heard Jazz beg as he threw an engine part to the side. “What am I supposed to do without my little listener, huh?” And after a moment of further digging, the terminator muttered, “C’mon, where are you kid?”

 

“Jazz,” Julian hissed as the fire he had been holding back this whole time burst across his frame, making the white terminator freeze. “I’m going to fucking kill you.”

 

Notes:

hehe: [https://www.tumblr.com/lilruruby/802809767227801600/sneak-peek?source=share]

Series this work belongs to:

• Part 1 of Julian's Transmigration Misadventures