Chapter Text
H50H50H50
Danny glanced up from his desk just as Catherine beat what seemed to him a hasty retreat from the office. It was rare enough she stopped by HQ without in some way providing intel for a case of Five-0’s so that she had today was something of a red flag. What really piqued his interest was the expression on her face as she left now, without so much as a by-your-leave for Steve and with half a wave to the rest of them. She was usually very friendly, very polite and always made sure to say hello and goodbye. From the glimpse he got, she looked amused and consternated at the same time today, and uncertain of which emotion she should stick with. He could relate to that so, so well, having had no choice over the past two years but to spend copious amounts of time with her worse half, the lovable but sometimes half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf herder that was Steven J. McGarrett.
For some reason, one he would probably live to regret, he had an impulse to get up and follow Catherine out the door. He usually had fair impulse control, yet Danny found himself moving before he could even suss out why. He trailed after Cath as she hit the atrium and moved for the front exit at a fast clip, weaving through foot traffic made heavy by people coming and going from lunch breaks or mid-day appointments in the court offices.
“Hey, Cath,” Danny called. “Hold up a second.”
Catherine turned at the sound of his voice, and it was then he finally recognized the expression. Danny felt like he was fifteen again, and it was Frannie Turkel looking at him like that, except, of course, the cause of Catherine’s expression wasn’t him; he was just seeing the residual effect. It had taken him months to figure out what Frannie’s face meant and a bit longer than that to admit what it meant in part was that he was an idiot. He could look back and realize it was because at the time he’d been all hormones and had zero finesse for the finer points of human emotion, specifically in female humans. Trust McGarrett to have the emotional capacity of a fifteen-year-old. The guy had probably just started to figure everything out when his life had been ripped apart by the loss of his mother and rejection of his father. The idea of the poor kid out there without father or mother to turn to made Danny distinctly unhappy.
“Danny, do you need something?” Catherine asked, warm but with a touch of resignation.
She sounded like a woman used to being asked for things, and like she wasn’t getting a big enough return on her investment of skill, energy and time. Not so oddly, Danny found himself relating to that as well.
“No. I don’t need anything from you. I just came to check and see if you’re okay.” Danny thumbed back toward Five-0’s offices. “I know what he can be like. You can tell me to shove it since this is none of my business, but what’d he do this time?”
Her face softened almost instantly into a smile, the consternation vanishing from her expression completely in favor of the kind of wry amusement that came with knowing one was in the company of someone who understood. She shook her head.
“He never does anything on purpose.” She pursed her lips, as if she hadn’t meant to say that. “It was just a miscommunication. I thought we had lunch plans. It turns out we didn’t.”
“Ah,” Danny said. He felt a little bad about that. He was the one who voted for an early lunch and dragged Steve with him. “I’m sorry. If I’d have known you guys had a date…”
Catherine held up a hand and cut him off. “I’m not even sure it was a date. Besides, it’s not your fault. You’re not the keeper of him or his calendar.”
“Neither are you.”
“Don’t I know it,” Cath said with a smile that wasn’t as forgiving anymore.
See, the thing with Frannie back when he was fifteen was that she had liked him. As in liked him, liked him, and he hadn’t read any of her cues the right way. When she asked if he was going to the game on Friday, she meant she wanted him to ask her to go. When she suggested they study for AP chemistry, she meant she wanted some hands-on exploration of their chemistry and, also, biology. He hadn’t known how to read the cues, if he were going to be frank, because he wasn’t always as insightful and sensitive as he was now, especially when it came to understanding that sometimes foreign language women seemed to possess. He now knew that men and women spoke the same language, but he thought men read right to left, women left to right. It was simply a matter of doing a little work and flipping perspective, and then voila, language translated.
“It’s too bad, because if anyone needs a keeper, it’s Steve,” Danny said.
“You might be right.” She smiled, but gave him a long look. “I think you’re too modest, though. You might be the closest thing to it.”
“God, kill me now if that is true. Please, I beg you.”
Catherine laughed.
As Danny well knew, Steve had no insight or sensitivity to any of his interpersonal relations at all, let alone romantic ones, and so it was no stretch that the guy sucked at being a boyfriend. Even without knowing that, looking at Catherine told him most of what he needed to know. He had always assumed his partner’s abysmal grasp on social norms was due to Steve going from football hero to all-American patriot without any sort of real-life pitstop, but now having met his undead mother, he figured the lack of social skills was at least partially genetic.
“Buy you a plate?” Danny asked after Catherine’s laughter died, though, yes, he had eaten the same time Steve had.
“I’m pretty sure you already had lunch.” This time it was Catherine who thumbed back toward the offices. “With you-know-who.”
Danny felt bad for Catherine being stuck with a man with delinquent people skills, but he also felt bad for Steve for ending up that way. The idea forming in his head was probably not advisable, but it did explain why he’d felt the need to follow Catherine in the first place. He ruefully thought about how his desire to help people in the public sense came from his father’s devotion to civil service, but his desire to help them on a personal level, perhaps too much so, came from his mother’s desire to stick her nose into everyone’s business. As far as he knew, his mom hadn’t caused any irreversible damage with her meddling and most people got sloppily fond looks on their faces when they recounted a time Naomi Williams had offered them advice. In for a penny, he thought.
“I did, but Commander Food Monitor managed to make it seem like there wasn’t time for dessert when I firmly believe there is always time for something sweet. Humor me.” Danny took Catherine by the elbow and walked with her out of the building. “Besides, it turns out I could use some information only you can provide after all.”
H50H50H50
He’d waited till the end of the day to start this, wanted no witnesses of the Kalakaua or Kelly variety due to the nature of the experiment, but once he’d committed he had decided quick and to the point was the way to go. Steve might have once joked about him being the one to not get subtlety, however that wasn’t true. Danny got subtlety just fine. He simply ignored it when he didn’t feel like dealing. Steve, though, if Steve understood the finer points of communication, then Danny would not be about to step into what was probably going to be a giant mess which would ultimately result in a happy ending. At least for Catherine. With any luck, if he did it right.
“What?” Steve said. He looked up from the paperwork he was pretending to examine closely, all confused like a puppy, complete with a head tilt Danny was fairly sure had been ripped off directly from him. “You can’t critique my report when you haven’t even seen it.”
“First of all, I don’t have to see any of your reports to know exactly what needs critiquing in them.” He waved his hands in what he considered the universal sign for duh. “Though I will grant you that you’ve become much more adept at selective exclusion and truth-bending of the slightly less legal ways and means of which we have far less official access to these days than we used to. Second of all, I wasn’t talking about the report.”
Steve stared at him. Just stared for a good long few seconds until he made an impatient gesture with his hands and straightened his shoulders as if bracing himself for an attack. Which, yeah, kind of.
“Okay, I’ll bite. What did you mean? Exactly what is it that you think I’m doing all wrong?”
Danny chewed on his lip for a second as he took in the scowl aimed at him. For a moment, he almost decided to do a one-eighty and back right out of the plan. That would be the smart thing to do, to avoid the headache and possible punch to the jaw. Then he thought about Catherine’s Frannie Turkel face and that put him back on course. Before speaking with her, he’d suspected the goof on the other side of the desk was shortchanging her, but after he was stone cold certain.
“The boyfriend thing,” Danny said bluntly. “You’re terrible at it. I mean, truly, it pains me to have to tell you that. You’ve come a fair way with regular person-to-person interaction, sometimes, on occasion, but the romance thing, not so much. I hate to break it to you, babe, but I’m almost one hundred percent positive you’ve gotten by this far in life without some sort of guidance based solely on your ridiculous good looks – yes, I said it, you’re an attractive man – but handsome will only get you so far when you’re in a relationship.”
Danny was no stranger to admiring the male form. To say Steve was striking was an understatement, but, truthfully, he was more than attractive in a physical sense. A close inspection of McGarrett would reveal flaws that somehow did not matter in the end. The asshole was magnetic even when he was acting like a complete jerk. It was totally unfair.
“I … what?” Steve said, eyebrows crinkling into funny little shapes that all but screamed the whole attractive without being attractive bit.
“Relationship. You know, the thing you and Catherine are in that you refuse to acknowledge, which, by the way, demonstrates what I’m talking about perfectly. Pay attention and try to keep up.”
“Danny, get to your point.” Steve exhaled loudly through his nose, like a bull getting ready to charge. “I assume you have one. It’s either that or I’m hallucinating and you need to get me to the hospital, because I thought I heard the guy whose girlfriend ran off to Bora Bora or whatever implying that I’m bad at being a boyfriend.”
Ouch, that stung a little bit. He refused to show on his face the guilt he felt about missing last week’s call with Gabby, or that maybe those sessions were getting shorter and less frequent the longer she was … no, this was not about him, damn it.
“Hey, that’s below the belt, buddy. Gabby is working right now. What, I should hold her back from her professional aspirations? I don’t think so. That would be a bad boyfriend move,” Danny snapped. This was going about as well as he should have anticipated. He mimicked Steve’s raging bull exhalation and held up a hand. “This isn’t … Let me start over. I want to help you be a better boyfriend for the ultimate goal of helping Catherine, because she is a very nice woman who deserves a bit more than it seems you’re giving her. I figured maybe you really just didn’t know how, given your...”
Danny flapped a hand to encompass all of Steve’s issues in one wordless swoop. By the way Steve’s face was locked in that angry horror, this had been a bigger mistake than he could possibly have pictured and how the hell did his mother manage to be a buttinsky and still be alive to tell the tales? How the hell had he convinced himself this was a good idea? He was starting to feel like a Grade-A jerk, but he was too stubborn to back down now.
“You talked to Cath about this? You are unbelievable.”
“No, of course not. Not directly.” Danny honestly couldn’t remember if he’d explained to Catherine why he’d needed testimonial evidence of Steve’s inept dating techniques. He didn’t think so. “Well, maybe, kind of. But it wouldn’t matter if I did or didn’t. I have eyes. You think I don’t know I interrupted your high school seduction attempt twice a while back, huh? As you were busy trying to usher me out the door – not as subtly as you thought, I might add – Catherine was encouraging me to sit and stay awhile.”
“Seriously,” Steve said, “what is even happening right now?”
Danny stood and paced a bit, primarily for the advantage of already being on his feet if he had to run.
“You think about what that might mean, Cath lending me her ear and offering me a place on your sofa,” Danny said. “That sure as hell wouldn’t happen if you were doing it right. That’s all I’m saying. That, and if I help you figure out how to get past your teenage moves, both you and she benefit. It’s win-win.”
Steve raging-bulled him again, all silent and broody as he stared with his head tipped down and eyes dark. Danny wasn’t going to lie. The look was intimidating as hell, even if he knew the man beneath the glower was his goofy friend. Had been. Oh, crap. He took a deep breath.
“I think you should leave now.” Steve clenched his hands into fists and placed them knuckle down on the desk. “I’ve suddenly got a hundred and fifty pound monkey on my back that I need to shake and I would hate to see you accidentally hurt.”
Danny winced. Outside of their first day working together, that was the first time Steve had even hinted at some kind of physical altercation. As far as threats went, it wasn’t too understated. He had to call his mother, he thought, to find out some insider tips on how to interfere without anyone getting hurt. Or, maybe, give up the helpful friend routine. After all, he was a one hundred and fifty pound monkey with delusions. Terrible combo.
“Okay, I’ll go, but ask yourself these things and come find me if you change your mind,” Danny said and he didn’t know why he kept going with this clearly taboo subject. “When was the last time you called Catherine for more than help on one of our cases or a booty call? When was the last actual date you took her on? And, no, Kamekona’s truck doesn’t count.”
Danny wasn’t too proud to admit that his exit from the office was more like flight. He made quick work of clearing his desk with the intent of getting the hell out of there without any more contact with Steve. Jesus. Not only had it been a stupid idea to start with, it might have wrecked their carefully balanced partnership. A pit formed in his stomach. He could only hope Steve’s irritation would be temporary. It was hard to tell with the guy. Some things rolled off, some things turned into personal blood feuds. He didn’t think the latter was likely. He was pretty sure he wasn’t going to face a McGarrett grudge over this.
“You might have a point,” Steve said from the doorway where he stood all tight lines and stiff shoulders. He sounded pissed, his words almost staccato.
“Jesus,” Danny said, clutching at his chest for a moment. Steve didn’t bat an eyelash at the implied near heart attack. “Oh. Uh. Good, thank you. I’m glad you came to see that so quickly.”
“Well, if there’s a problem with me, then I want it fixed as fast as possible.” Steve shrugged and he was so wound up it looked like it physically pained him. “If I agree to your help, what exactly is does this plan entail?”
All right. Hmm. This was a thing he was hesitant to say, but what the hell.
“I need to start at the beginning. Take me out and show me what you’d typically call a date with Catherine so I can see how bad this really is firsthand?”
Steve’s angry face morphed into shock, or maybe amusement, but then the anger slid back into place.
“You want to date me?”
“No. Don’t be stupid,” Danny said quickly. “No.”
“Sounds like it.”
“Well, it isn’t that.” Apparently scowling was a contagious affliction. Danny was getting a bit pissed by this caveman reaction and was starting to think Catherine had better appreciate this intrusion of his when all was said and done. “This is anthropological data gathering. I will pitch woo the way it should be pitched and you will catch it until you’re ready to pitch it yourself.”
Even as the words were leaving his mouth he knew they were the wrong things to say, but he could not stop. His ears were probably bright red. He was not going to reach up and gauge how hot they felt against his fingertips.
“That’s … a lot of pitching and catching,” Steve said dryly.
“Don’t. It’s a phrase.” Danny cleared his throat. “Say, Saturday? Pick me up at eight. Don’t treat it as anything outside of what you’d normally do.”
“Fine,” Steve said.
“Fine!” Danny yelled at Steve’s back as the guy barreled out of HQ, then muttered under his breath, “Good. This is not going to be a disaster at all.”
H50H50H50
Danny paced from the door to the sofa and back again, felt his ire rise with each passing turn. He was a cop. He understood a fluid, demanding schedule better than most would, the possibility of something coming up to prevent plans to unfold as intended, but Steve was his partner and if work had interfered he’d know about it. He also understood the concepts of a phone and common courtesy, two things about which Steve apparently had forgotten. It was altogether possible the guy had decided to back out. He probably hadn’t ever planned on following through, and Danny should have been suspicious about how quickly he’d agreed to it. Nothing about Steve was easy.
It didn’t really matter why Steve was late or absent, Danny was more pissed off about it than he should be. After all, this wasn’t an actual date and he’d told Steve to act as he normally would. And apparently, it was normal for Steve to be late for a pre-planned date-like event. He paced a little more as he tried to decide how to proceed. Fuck it, he thought after two more rotations, and pulled out his cell, which conveniently started to ring just as he removed it from his pocket. McGarrett’s name flashed on the screen and Danny fought the petty urge to click reject on the guy’s late, sorry ass. He let out a disgruntled huff of breath and hit accept.
“You’re late,” Danny said.
“Well, hello to you too,” Steve said, more of a drawl really, and it was obvious he was smiling. “Is that any way for you to greet your date for the evening? If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were upset.”
“You’re as charming as always.”
“I do what I can, and what can I say? It comes naturally. McGarretts are known throughout history for their charm.”
The annoying thing was, it did seem natural. Somehow, he didn’t know how, the anger that had been building in him started to fade the second he imagined the stupid grin on Steve’s face. Instead of taking that as a gigantic insight into why whatever Steve was doing worked well enough, Danny felt even more compelled to show Steve how regular people did things. It had to be true that a pretty face and a smile couldn’t last forever in a relationship, or he was going to be very disillusioned with his lot in life. Besides, it was a truth universally acknowledged that he was a stubborn person and not likely to give up just like that.
“I assume you have a reasonable explanation for standing me up,” Danny said, modulating his voice into an even tone. “Are you afraid I might be able to teach you something?”
“Not afraid.”
“Did you have an emergency to deal with?”
“No emergency.”
“Was Doris around?”
“Nope.”
Danny fisted his left hand and raised it in aggravation. After a couple of years with Steve as a partner, he knew the guy and he knew this was Steve riling him up. He wasn’t about to give Steve the satisfaction of letting that reflect through the phone as transparently as Steve’s shenanigans were right now. Of course, he knew that he was a terrible actor and Steve was a trained Naval Intelligence officer and SEAL and could probably see right through him.
“Are we going to do this all night, Steven?”
“Only if you want to, Daniel.” The smile in Steve’s voice had changed subtly, his enjoyment gallingly obvious. “I have the stamina if you do.”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake. It’s so nice of you to take what was an earnest gesture on my part and turn it into a joke.” Danny took a deep breath. So much for playing it cool. He was a terrible actor, yes, and he was also awful at island time and that whole laidback nonchalance everyone on this rock seemed to possess. “You had a choice and you agreed to this. If you changed your mind, that’s fine. It’s no skin off my teeth, buddy, I was just trying to do you a favor by increasing the shelf life of your relationship. I thought you might have been interested in that, but if not, then say no more. It’s done. Back to the status quo we go.”
Steve was silent on the other end of the line, which Danny took as a cue. He ended the call and shoved the phone into his pocket, again far more upset about it than he should be. He took a deep breath, shook it off and rolled his eyes. It had been a stupid plan anyway. Catherine was on her own and she was definitely more than capable. She’d probably kick his ass if she knew what he was doing, anyway.
As for him, it looked like it was leftover takeout, a few beers and a re-run of 48 Hours Mystery for him tonight. So, another Saturday night and he ain’t got nobody. Perfect. He wandered to the fridge and stared at the pathetic, dried-out offerings. The truth of the matter was, he’d kind of been looking forward to a night out, even if it was with Steve. Food tasted better when there was someone to share it with. He cracked open the closest takeout box and cringed at the shrimp fried rice that had barely been edible yesterday when it was fresh. He bypassed all of the containers and snared the jar of grape jelly he had for Grace. He was just about to pull the peanut butter from the cupboard when his phone vibrated. With a sigh, he set the jelly jar down so he could retrieve the text.
I’m sorry. I’m sincerely sorry. I have steaks. Come?
Danny wanted to say no on principle, but his stomach grumbled and a quick look at the loaf of bread showed fuzzy green mold at the butt end. Steak always trumped PB&J anyway.
Beer? he texted back.
Out. Bring if you want.
He paused. He had every intention of going to Steve’s, the lure of steak too great, but he didn’t need the guy thinking he could get off so readily. Steve might not have had the easiest of lives in some regards, but Danny thought squeaking out of improper behavior with a wink and a smile wasn’t one of them. He put the jelly back in the fridge, then drummed his fingers against the countertop for a bit before he responded. It was passive-aggressive and beyond pointless, but he couldn’t seem to help himself.
Be there in a few.
He got a stupid, winky smiley face in return.
He decided before he even made it to the car to skip the beer, for a multitude of reasons but mostly because he was famished. His growling stomach seemed like a direct link to his pedal foot and he made great time. Danny wasn’t surprised that McGarrett’s door was unlocked, or that the smell of grilling meat drew him out onto the lanai. Steve was wearing board shorts, a ratty tee and flip-flops. He looked nothing like a man who’d expected to be on a date demonstration. Danny was irritated all over again.
“Hey,” he said.
Steve turned, eyed Danny, frowned and said, “No beer?”
“You said if I wanted. Besides, he who stands up a mock-date deserves no free beer.”
“Ah, that’s how it’s going to be.” Steve’s eyes were filled with mirth easily visible even in the muted light.
“That is how it is going to be,” Danny said, tilting his head to the side and shoving his hands into his pockets.
Steve shrugged and returned his attention to the grill, upon which the steaks looked to be almost ready to flip.
Danny frowned at the back of his partner’s head for a moment. Something was pinging him about Steve, but he didn’t know what yet. He wandered back into the kitchen and started pulling together ingredients for a salad, knowing how much Steve would appreciate the leafy greens. Working with the butter lettuce, spinach, red onions and cherry tomatoes, rabbit food that it was, ended up making him even hungrier. He pulled out a bottle of homemade vinaigrette, popped the lid and gave it a sniff to see if he’d be able to stomach it. It passed muster. Doris must have made it, because he’d had one of Steve’s concoctions before and, no. He shook the bottle with a haphazard rhythm.
“Oh, good,” Steve said, having entered the room silently.
Danny didn’t almost drop the dressing and he refused to believe that for a moment as he’d turned, Steve’s eyes were on his ass for any other reason but to make him react negatively. He didn’t so much as blink. He did pick up the bowl of greens.
“Salad was a good idea, thanks. I thought we’d eat in here.” Steve bobbed his head and started walking. “Normally, it’d be a beach thing, but the sun set a few hours ago now.”
“Beach thing?” Danny asked as he followed Steve into the dining area, salad and dressing cruet in either hand. “What are you…?”
The table was set, a bottle of red wine already uncorked to breathe and holy hell, Steve was flicking a Bic at a pair of white taper candles.
“This is your date?”
“Don’t you like it, Danno?” Steve batted his eyelashes and plopped unceremoniously onto a chair. “I did it all for you.”
“So, you weren’t standing me up.”
“Nope.”
“Then why the hell didn’t you say anything?”
“You didn’t give me much of a chance, motor mouth. I would have told you the reason I didn’t pick you up was that I realized Catherine – and anyone, really,” Steve said with a chaser of that infuriating smile, “always comes to me. You said you wanted a firsthand experience.”
“You are an arrogant asshole, aren’t you?”
He dropped the salad bowl onto the table and realized he’d forgotten the tongs. Danny stomped back into the kitchen and rooted around until he found what he was looking for, all the while making as much noise as he could. He held them aloft, like he was brandishing a sword and pointed them at Steve as he reentered the dining room, full of righteous indignation for all of the Catherines in Steve’s dating history.
“You can’t expect people to be at your beck and call just because you’re too damned lazy to leave the house. It’s shitty and disrespectful. You’re saying this actually works for you? You’re the sun and they all revolve around you, huh?”
“Hey, Danny.” Steve forked a steak onto Danny’s plate. “Far be it from me to point out the obvious, but I got you here, didn’t I?”
“Wow,” Danny said, certain that if he were a cartoon character, then the sketch had now reached the point when steam would billow from his ears.
Steve laughed, and fuck if it wasn’t as charming as it was exasperating.
H50H50H50
Unfortunately, their day went nothing like most of their days did; instead of high action and stupid criminals, it was so quiet tumbleweeds might as well have rolled through the operations room and past his office, where he tried to stay holed up as much of the day as he could, for his own sanity.
Meanwhile, McGarrett made sanity difficult because difficult was McGarrett’s middle name. He fairly preened when the FedEx delivery woman swooned at his cheesy conversation and left him with her phone number as well as a package. He smiled his way into a complimentary Zip Pac at lunch and then conveniently forgot his drink, which Danny had to pay for along with his own meal and schlep over to the guy. Steve even got Kono to do his filing, a miracle if ever there was one because rookie or no, Kono should have called that out as gender role stereotyping but instead simply returned Steve’s smile and took the paper pile without a word of protest.
The thing was, he had Steve figured out. Danny didn’t doubt for a second that part of the whole shtick of not having to work all that hard for it was true; none of the show-and-tell throughout the course of the day was necessary on that point. But he also didn’t doubt that Steve had specifically pulled that bullshit on him Friday in an attempt to make him back off. Hah. If anything, the little they-all-come-hither act had enough chutzpah that it made him want to demonstrate the error of Steve’s ways even more.
Steve was running a sprint, getting what he wanted via charisma when and how it suited him. Relationships were marathons. Relationships were about what more than one person wanted. Danny knew that eventually the guy was going to run out of steam and someone had to make him see that. When reality bit Steve didn’t much care for it, and this reality would come with losing out on a woman most men could only dream of.
Truthfully, that had become a secondary concern to him. His bleeding heart still felt for Catherine, it did, but now Danny primarily wanted to prove Steve wrong, and his competitive streak had cranked to high gear. There was no turning back now. It would take something huge for him to stop.
“I really appreciate you taking the time to drop the file off personally,” Steve said loudly to a pretty young woman as he escorted her to the exit.
Somehow, Steve managed to make the route to the door go right past Danny’s office. How very circuitous of him. He had a hand on the small of the woman’s back, and just when Danny looked up, Steve peered into the office at him with a shit-eating grin lighting up his whole handsome face.
“Oh,” the woman said, cheeks pinking. “It was no problem. Anytime.”
Jesus and Barbie on a wedding cake, this was getting out of hand. He had no idea what that was all about, and didn’t care. For all he knew, Steve had paid that poor woman to come in just so he could show off his game. Danny tipped his head at Steve upon his saunter back through the offices, a cue Steve easily read. He made a beeline for Danny’s office, leaned just on the inside of the door.
“Is there something I can help you with, Danny? You’ve been awfully quiet all day.”
Danny pushed away from the desk and hurried to shut the door. He wasn’t the only one to notice Steve’s antics. He caught Chin shooting a sidelong glance his way, shook his head and gave a grim little smile at Chin’s shoulder shrug.
“And you’ve been acting like a complete moron all day,” Danny said.
He poked Steve in the arm until the other man slid away from the wall and instead found a now customary perch on the edge of Danny’s desk. Steve simply looked at him with amusement sparkling in his eyes and that stupid grin. That stupid grin was never going away, apparently.
“You wound me,” Steve said. He batted his eyelashes. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“No, you don’t?” Danny ran a hand through his hair. “This thing I now almost regret starting isn’t about me impugning your manhood or your damned hunting prowess. You can get the ladies. I get it. We all get it. You’re the fucking Don Juan of O’ahu.”
“Don Juan, hmm, I’ll take it as a supplemental nickname to Smooth Dog. You know, the call name I got for reasons.” Steve quirked an eyebrow. “So, you agree I don’t need your kindly offered help.”
“No. No, I do not agree to that at all.” Danny pointed at that smiling face, circled his finger around. “Knock it off with all the grinning. You’re a smart guy, so I know you understand this. You’re just being purposely obtuse.”
“Again with the insults, Danny.”
“Shut up. I’ll say it one more time, one more way. It’s not about procurement. It’s about retention. Do you or do you not want to keep Catherine? Because I gotta say, your shenanigans today have been noticed, my friend.” Danny pointed out at Chin. “I wouldn’t be surprised if Cath gets wind of it, and imagine how she’ll feel when she knows her supposed boyfriend is doing his level best at collecting as many phone numbers as possible, all the while shtupping her like you two are exclusive. Boyfriends don’t collect phone numbers, Steve.”
Steve actually blinked at that, his smile faltered and the loose-limbed slouch he had going on traded up for a posture closer to military at ease.
“Oh,” Steve said.
“Yes.” Danny smiled, feeling a bit of a shift in this little power play. “Oh.”
It was a start. At the very least, it gave Danny some ground, something to work with. It didn’t look like Steve had put much thought about what his Lothario act would look like to anyone who wasn’t in the know about the motivating factors, the way Danny was. No one else would know it was nothing more than the puff and ruffle of a damn peacock showing his strut just because he was, on occasion, a major asshole.
“So, you can get the ladies lined up around the corner. That has been well documented and established. Can we move on from that now, maybe?”
Steve nodded at him and chewed on the inside of his lip. He looked incredibly thoughtful and almost kind of sweet. Already, Danny could see this would be worth it, based on that look alone. Catherine deserved someone thoughtful, and so far in this venture Steve hadn’t shown much of that. The candlelight dinner would have been a nice touch and all, but for the fact it was a complete and total ploy. He didn’t want to get bogged down in thoughts of how often Steve employed the ends justifying the means when it came to him and Catherine. No, no need to picture that. At all. It was best to focus on the potential in non-specific ways and he had to believe somewhere in Steve was boyfriend material, or he’d already lost. Danny didn’t like to lose any more than Steve did.
“Let’s work on your basic skills, and maybe you can progress from admitting to having a thing to embracing the idea of being in a long-term relationship,” Danny said. He patted Steve on the shoulder, knew all the while how condescending he was. Two could play at the major asshole game. He took no small amount of delight in the way Steve’s left eye twitched almost imperceptibly. “This time I’ll pick you up. Tonight, barring any unforeseen murders, drug traffickers or convoluted bank heists between now and then. Seven sharp.”
For a second, Steve looked like he might be planning to stir up illegal kinds of trouble just to avoid it all, but then he simply nodded and said, “Okay.”
Steve sounded dazed, maybe a little confused, that he’d agreed. That was good. Danny smiled and squeezed Steve’s shoulder now, tipped his head to the side just a smidge.
“Okay for now, or okay, you’re in this? No more jackassery?”
“I don’t think that’s a wor…”
“Bup, bup, bup,” Danny said. “That is not the point. Don’t try to sidetrack me.”
“No more jackassery,” Steve said, almost contrite. “Not intentionally, anyway. I promise.”
Danny wasn’t convinced of Steve’s sincerity for the future, but took it as acknowledgment of acts of jackassery already committed. At the same time, he felt a thrill of pending success. Oh, yes, McGarrett had definite potential to grow under his tutelage. Ma would be so proud. He wondered if she ever documented her meddles in writing. They were legend as oral retellings at parties and around the Thanksgiving table, when someone was inevitably, begrudgingly thankful for her help. Verbal was good, but a manual might not be a terrible idea. He would have to run it by her next time they spoke. If … after his mission here was a success.
“He promises. Well, don’t think I won’t call you on it if you slip.”
“I would expect nothing less.” Steve stood, as if to reassert his dominance. “You’re good at nagging.”
“I’d thank you, but I know that wasn’t a compliment,” Danny said, then circled around the desk and sat because it didn’t matter in the least that Steve was half a foot taller than him, the long-legged bastard.
Steve chuckled and bobbed his head once. He half-turned to the door, rapped a knuckle against Danny’s desk.
“We good?”
“Sure, we’re good.” Danny clapped his hands together and rubbed them a few times. “Oh, and wear something nice tonight. A step below suit and tie, a few steps above boardies and flip-flops. I’ll show you what it’s like to actually date someone. I swear to you, you will thank me someday.”
“So you keep saying. Frankly, I just want you off my case and I’m willing to do whatever it takes,” Steve muttered, waving a hand at him as he left the office.