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Ranpo Edogawa prided himself on two things: his unrivalled intellect and his spotless confidence. He was not the kind of person who got jealous. Why would he be? Ordinary people got jealous. People who lacked certainty, brilliance, or style. Ranpo had all three.
Which is why, when he felt something unpleasant curdling in his stomach as Edgar Allan Poe smiled ever so gently at Karl—Karl, the raccoon—he wanted to scream.
Not because Poe smiled.
Not because Poe seemed happy.
But because Poe was holding Karl in his arms like he was the most precious existence in the world.
A raccoon.
A raccoon.
Ranpo ground his teeth.
Seriously, a damn raccoon.
Ranpo didn’t quite understand it, at first. A detective of his calibre, unable to solve a basic emotional puzzle? Ridiculous.
Yet he caught himself dragging his feet while following Poe and Karl around Yokohama. He caught himself glaring at the striped-tailed creature nestled in Poe’s coat. He caught himself thinking—
Why do you get to sit there? Why is he petting you? Why does he look at you like that?
But jealousy? No. That was too dramatic a word.
Ranpo preferred to call it:
An Emotional Inconvenience.
Temporary, solvable, easily filed away.
So he turned to what he knew best: investigation.
Hypothesis A: Karl is an unusually intelligent animal capable of communicating with Poe and emotionally manipulating him.
Hypothesis B: Ranpo is losing his mind.
Ranpo refused Hypothesis B.
He began his investigation with subtle tactics:
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Observing Karl’s behaviour patterns.
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Tracking his interactions with Poe.
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Attempting to bait Karl with candy apples to test loyalty.
Karl ate the candy apple and then proceeded to climb onto Poe’s shoulder like a smug little prince.
Ranpo’s eye twitched.
Next step: Interrogation.
It happened one lazy afternoon in Ranpo's small study in the Armed Detective Agency. Poe was writing, Karl curled on his lap. Ranpo was pretending to read a newspaper, but really, he was watching. Calculating.
Suddenly, Karl hopped off Poe’s lap and scampered toward the window.
In that moment, Ranpo noticed something—Karl had accidentally knocked over Poe’s annotated manuscript.
Poe looked up and said, “Karl, could you please be careful?”
Ranpo blinked.
He waited for Karl to respond—telepathically, intelligently, something.
But Karl…
Karl just froze.
Then he scratched his ear.
And made a chittering noise.
That was it.
Ranpo stood up so abruptly that Poe jumped.
“Poe!” he announced dramatically. “Karl is just a raccoon!”
Poe stared. “… Yes?”
“A regular raccoon! No special abilities, no heightened intelligence—just a common North American raccoon with fur, fleas, and questionable hygiene!”
Poe blinked. “Yes, Ranpo. I… never said he wasn’t.”
Ranpo froze.
The world shattered.
“You mean—You knew? This whole time?”
“Well, yes. He’s my pet.”
Ranpo felt outrage and embarrassment collide violently inside him.
“So you’re telling me I’ve been emotionally compromised by— by an animal?!”
Karl chittered.
Ranpo glared at him. “Don’t you laugh at me.”
Karl still chittered.
Ranpo stormed out of the room shortly after, cheeks flushed.
He should’ve been relieved. Mystery solved. Karl wasn’t an intelligent adversary. He was just… an oddly cute, fluffy creature that Poe doted on.
So why did Ranpo still feel strange?
Why did his heart pound when he remembered Poe’s soft voice, the way his expression brightened when Ranpo solved a case, or the way Poe quietly brought him sweets whenever he seemed down?
Why did the thought strike him so hard:
I don’t want Poe to smile at anyone like that. Only at me.
He stopped walking.
His mind clicked.
His chest ached.
“Oh,” he whispered to no one.
“I’m in love with Poe.”
The next day, Ranpo returned. Karl waddled toward him curiously—but Ranpo ignored him, walking straight to Poe.
“Poe,” he said seriously.
Poe looked up, startled by the lack of teasing in Ranpo’s voice. “Yes?”
“I’ve solved the mystery.”
Poe set aside his pen. “What mystery?”
Ranpo took a breath. His ears flushed red. “Why I was… jealous of Karl.”
Poe tilted his head, bewildered. “You were jealous of Karl?”
“Obviously!” Ranpo snapped. “Because he gets your attention. Because you’re always petting him. Because—because I want you to look at me instead.”
Silence.
Poe blinked.
Then pink dusted his cheeks. “Ranpo… are you saying—?”
“Yes!” Ranpo shouted. “I’m in love with you, stupid!”
Karl chittered approvingly.
Poe smiled—the kind of soft, warm smile Ranpo had only seen when Poe looked at Karl.
Except this time, he was looking at Ranpo.
“And I love you too.”
❖ Epilogue: Case Resolved
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Case Name: The Curious Case of Jealousy and Karl
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Detective: Ranpo Edogawa
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Result:
• Karl = raccoon (confirmed)
• Ranpo = in love (also confirmed)
• Poe = loves him back
• Karl = ring-bearer at future wedding (unconfirmed but heavily implied)
Ranpo scribbled the final note in his journal.
Then—very gently, very awkwardly—he took Poe’s hand.
Karl climbed onto both of their laps, completely unaware of the emotional turmoil he had caused.
Ranpo narrowed his eyes at him.
“You win this one, rodent.”
Karl just curled up and fell asleep.