Chapter Text
A rhythmic beeping thrummed against your skull, opening your eyes you saw only a blur, the sharp antiseptic stinging your nostrils, something familiar close to you, you peered sideways, there’s machinery all around with readouts that you couldn’t quite make out, beyond it someone sat there, straining forward, your force senses were as muddled as your mind, weak and fuzzy, but it was undeniable who sat there, “Ben?” you croaked, the form gasped and you saw black as unconsciousness washed over you.
It was unknowable how long you had slept, as you floated towards consciousness your body became real again and everything ached: your midsection, leg, head, and there it was again like thorn in your mind, you thought you’d imagined it, a fever dream maybe? That presence, you hadn’t felt it since you left the academy, before the attack but you pushed those thoughts down, all of your friends had been killed by that monster, you couldn’t deal with that pain. You’d heard Ben had been killed, mourning him for months you lost much of yourself. You’d continued studying as best you could on your own but you had never gotten very far.
Your mind wandered from the topic at hand but when you saw movement from the corner your focus snapped toward it. “B-b-ben?” you said. The figure stepped into the dim light that radiated from over your hospital bed, his imposing form seethed hate and malice as he stared down at you, light catching on the silver portions of his mask. You shrank back involuntarily, “No,” you whispered softly.
“Finally,” the modulated voice sounded agitated. You recognized him, Kylo Ren, it was impossible not to, Jedi Killer, the monster that had killed the last of the Jedi. You whimpered softly as his hand came down to your wrist, fingering the leather bracelet there, tears fell from your eyes. “Do you know why you’re here?” rasped the metallic voice making your blood chill.
“Yes,” you sobbed softly, “Now I know why he’s he’s here, get it over quickly,” your hands felt heavy as you raised one to wipe away a tear, you didn’t want this monster to see you crying. He seemed taken aback by your statement.
“Your vessel has been lost, nearly all of the crew gone, we pulled you from the wreckage,” he continued, puzzlement nearly coming through the modulator. “Why do you think you’re here?”
“Torture, death...” you trailed, “make it quick, he’s here for me. I’d much rather see him again than talk to you.” You closed your eyes, Ben had come at the hour of your death to lead you to the netherworld. You could almost feel the confusion coming from behind the mask.
“There are others more valuable slated for torture,” he paused, “your abilities, however; are keeping you alive.,” he lowered his mask to your face, “see that you don’t make me regret sparing you.” You didn’t know how or why you had angered him but it flared, deadly, it nearly burned. He turned sharply and stormed out, the door sliding closed behind him. His words settled over you oppressively, he knew about your force abilities even if they were undeveloped.
A sob wracked your form, suddenly you wished you had died with the others, your parents had withdrawn you from the school needing help at home, your abilities were so miniscule it was pointless for you to continue, it made more sense to leave and contribute rather than continue to waste their credits on a future you wouldn’t qualify for, with a heavy heart you left and didn’t look back. The door slid open again, a medtech entered, “We’re going to move you to a bacta tank, this will be your second immersion,” you blinked.
“Second?” he nodded, he pressed a button and your bed lifted from its mooring, it hovered behind him as he pulled you through the door and down the long gray hallway. “Kylo Ren has commanded that no effort be spared to bring you back to health, so that you may begin training.”
You started shaking, what could the Jedi Killer want with you? You started sobbing watching the lights pass by overhead. The medtech brought you to the bacta room, cylinders with occupants floating in the thick liquid surrounded you but the sixth in the middle stood empty, yours. The other tanks contained your shipmates, one you recognized to be the captain. You started to struggle, the beeping increased a heart monitor you realized as the machine confirmed the panic racing through you, the medtech turned, withdrawing a syringe he injected something into the iv, you settled almost immediately, your limbs became suddenly immovable, you whimpered.
“Don’t fight it,” he said, “you’ll only slow down the progress you’ve already made”. You mumbled, your mouth not working correctly, “Several days, maybe longer,” he said passively, he began undoing the medical gown you had on and untied the leather bracelet on your wrist. Trying to protest you moved your hand but he held it firmly, “It will be returned to you after the treatment,” he patted the top of your hand. Then attached straps to your arms and around your chest, while an EmDee droid fitted you with immersion garments their purpose was an unpleasantness you didn’t want to think about. He swiped his fingers across the data pad and the orientation of the room changed. You felt like you were floating, the drugs were clouding your senses again, you were floating you realized as the straps dug at your armpits, the straps had repulsor lifts on them. It lowered you into the bacta tank slowly, it was warm and oddly relaxing as it engulfed you, you realized that the pressure on your face must be a breathing apparatus, despite being submerged you could breathe but that hardly stopped the drug dulled panic that had set in.
Time became unreal, you moved between conscious and unconsciousness fluidly occasionally you could see through he distorted tank walls, medtechs scurrying around, EmDee droids checking vitals and administering medicines, sometimes you felt it, Ben’s presence, once you thought you saw him on the other side of the tank, his hand splayed against the outer wall. Why is this happening Ben? You asked silently then you heard a response: You’ll understand soon. You shook your head as your hair floated around you like a strange cloud. Why could you see him? He didn’t look like a force apparition, Master Luke had described them as translucent blue tinted, insubstantial. Ben looked solid. The drugs you told yourself, you heard the beeping increase, you realized you must be sobbing your breaths coming short. The EmDee bot injected something into the port on the tank and everything faded again.
Something pulled you to the surface of consciousness, you could feel your muscles tensing and releasing, slight at first then painfully, in waves everything tensed and released, everything burned, you were being lifted you realized, your muscles reacting to the shocks still twitching and jerking. Feeling heavier than you’d ever felt you realized you had been lifted out of the bacta and were now being lowered onto another hover gurney this one painfully solid and plastic, you whimpered as cold jets blasted against your skin, water washing away the slimy substance, the bacta coated garments were removed, you were then placed on a softer bed and dressed in a fresh medical gown, your eyes swam you were being moved again the movement turned your stomach you felt the need to vomit but nothing came up. A pair of hands turned you to your side as you continued to dry heave. You blacked out again as a finger touched your temple.
Awakening you felt clear minded, nothing seemed to cloud your senses, you raised your hand the leather bracelet had been returned as promised, you could feel your body as you did a mental inventory, everything seemed sore but respond. “Good you’re awake, we can begin discharge protocols.” The medtech helped you sit up and you winced, “Still sore?” you nodded, he gave you a red pill and a cup of water, you looked at him questioningly, “It's just a muscle relaxer, muscle stimulation can sometimes leave you sore but your internal injuries show a 90% restoration, over the next two to three days you should come back to 100%.” Nodding you downed the pill and water. After running diagnostic and reaction tests he cleared you for release, then helped you into a hover chair and then escorted you to a guest quarters.
“Guest quarters?” he nodded.
“You’re a guest of Kylo Ren,” it made you shudder.The medtech showed you how to open the door, “It has already been set to your biometrics,” he explained demonstrating the scanner. Murmuring a thank you took a step into the quarters, but found that you were not alone.
Kylo Ren stood at the transparisteel viewport gazing outward, a chill ran down your spine, Jedi Killer your mind supplied as the confusing presence of Ben pinged against your mind, you looked around for any sign of him, “Please sit down, you must be exhausted.” said the harsh and metallic voice.
Taking a seat on the bed you drew your legs up and shivered as you pulled the blanket around yourself, “Why am I here?” you asked trying to keep the uncertainty out of your voice, your mind chanted Jedi Killer over and over.
“You will begin training once you’ve been cleared for physical activity by the medical staff, that is why you are here.” the voice sounded flat.
“You’re not going to k-kill me?” you shuddered, your force powers were not enough to bother with.
“You’re rather dense,” he said, “so long as you don’t disappoint me me, no I won’t kill you.” the threat hung in the air.
“I’m not strong in the force, it’s why...” tears threaten to form.
“It’s why you left, yes I know,” regarding you he began to pace, “you’re reaching out, what are you trying to sense?”
“There’s a familiar presence,” you started but your head began to hurt from the exertion, “if I’m not dying or to be killed, I can’t figure... it doesn’t make sense.”
“Search your feelings,” you didn’t want to follow any advice that the Jedi Killer gave you, he sighed. “I really dislike that name,” he sounded bored, “search your feelings.”
Closing your eyes you tried, but you kept coming up with the same answer, Ben, opening your eyes Kylo Ren had stopped in front of you, his gaze unwavering through the glass of his helmet. “No,” you whispered. He moved his hands to his helmet, the latch clicked and a hiss escaped as he removed the mask. “No,” louder this time, “NO,” you almost screamed it. “No Ben-” he held up a hand.
“Control your emotions.” you shook your head.
“You can’t be Ben.” It had been a long time but you recognized the sensitive eyes, the lips, the face, he looked older, his jaw line had filled out, a scar crossed his face curling under his right eye and continuing down to his jaw. “Ben Solo is dead.”
“In so many ways you are right, I destroyed Ben Solo. “
“Ben why?” he shook his head, “Ben, you killed everyone, you’re “ the Jedi Killer your mind supplied, “you wouldn’t hurt anyone, you,” you remembered the kind boy who had nightmares, you remembered your first kiss beneath the trees.
“Your sentiment is a weakness,” but you couldn’t stop there, your mind recalled memories flooding you with emotion, “Control yourself,” he said his brow furrowing. You were crying in earnest now.
“Oh Ben,” you sniffled trying to control yourself, but failing completely. You stood wanting to flee but your body gave out and you crumpled. He stood there watching you, his expression disgusted.
“Get back in bed,” he said flatly. You tried to stand but couldn’t gain footing the muscle relaxer rendered your movements useless. He sighed crossing to you, easily sweeping you up. Hiccuping you pressed your face to his shoulder and neck, he tensed at the contact. You took comfort in his arms around you even if that was not their purpose. He shifted your weight back and forth, “Y/N, It doesn’t happen overnight, you must build walls one by one, close yourself off from sentiment. It’s the only way you can unleash your true power, and in time you burn it out of yourself.”
You felt it, his buried pain for just a moment, but then it was gone, “Ben,” you whimpered, he sat you down gently on the bed. Without thinking your hand came up to caress his face, he frowned. “Please,” you said softly, “please just for tonight,” he shook his head, you cried harder.
He let out a long breath, “Just until you go to sleep, and” he grasped your face, “only this once.” You nodded laying down. He didn’t join you as you’d hoped, he sat next to you, “roll over, put your back to me.” You complied. He pulled you flush against his hip, the contact brought you a small amount of comfort, he stroked your temple and back over your scalp. You sighed, his fingers running through your hair, brushing through it gathering it and spreading it out on the pillow. “Like fine silk,” he remarked, as he curled strands around his fingers, “I had forgotten how soft your hair is,” he said as his fingers threaded through it brushing your scalp, you sighed softly, his fingers now brushing the nape of your neck and spreading down to your shoulders with firm gentle pressure working out the knots the muscle stimulator had left.
Working down your shoulders to your blades he found a painful knot and worked it out with his knuckles, you groaned softly, “too deep?” he asked but you shook your head, he worked down to mid back his thumbs rubbing up out and down in circular motions along your spine. By the time he had worked his way down to your lower back he had wrung out all of your tension and you found your eyes too heavy to keep open. He stood, leaning over you, the ghost of a kiss to your temple, “In twelve hours we’ll start your training.” Had he actually kissed you? Your body too relaxed and over stimulated you slipped into sleep, “Good night Y/N.” and the doors slid shut.