Chapter Text
It had been months since Johnny and Dally’s deaths. School had recently started, and Ponyboy was getting bullied.
He sat in math class, trying to focus on the lesson, when a folded note appeared on his desk. He ignored it at first. But then came another. And another.
Finally, he unfolded the first one.
“Hey, imagine being named Ponyboy. Genuinely, I feel sorry for you. How about we call you ‘waste of oxygen’ instead?”
The boys who wrote it were snickering. Ponyboy let out a quiet sigh and opened the second note.
“What? Too scared to read it? Thought greasers were ‘tough.’ Don’t get mad just ‘cause you can’t handle the truth. No one wants you here. If people are nice to you, yeah, they're just being nice. It goes no deeper than that. Everyone’s just waiting for the day Ponyboy Curtis kills himself.”
Ponyboy stared at them, he gave them a sarcastic smile before unfolding the final note. It was blank. By the time the bell rang, he was drained. Seconds had felt like minutes, and minutes felt like hours.
It was lunch time now. Ponyboy sighed, trying to eat, but the sound of laughter that everyone could hear got closer.
Why can’t we all just mind our damn business? I’ve already got enough on my plate.
“Hey, waste of oxygen,” one of the boys giggled, voice sarcastic and mocking. “Did you think we forgot your nickname?”
Ponyboy stopped mid bite. He sighed and muttered, “Real mature.”
The boy smirked. “What’s that? Couldn’t hear you over your stupid little life, oh wait you don't have one.” His friend burst out laughing, slapping the table like he’d just heard the funniest joke in the world. They weren’t even funny. Just petty.
Ponyboy set his fork down, staring at his tray. “Can’t you just leave me alone and go talk amongst yourselves?” he said quietly. “I really don’t wanna do this today.”
“Oh, you don’t wanna do this today?” He rolled his eyes. “Poor Ponyboy’s had a rough morning.”
He took Ponyboy’s tray and dropped it on the ground. “My bad.” Ponyboy was pissed off now, but he just stayed silent. “You think you’re better than us, huh? Just ‘cause your name’s in the papers?” He got close. He proceeded to call Ponyboy a bunch of insults, most of which made no sense.
He was annoyed but there was nothing he could do. Ponyboy looked up, eyes dull. “You done?”
That only made them laugh more. “Don’t get mad, Ponyboy. We’re just having fun.” The main one said. The rest followed, tossing a few more insults over their shoulders. “See ya around, waste of oxygen!"
“Don't forget to kill yourself!” One mumbled quietly, but Pony heard it.
Ponyboy just sat there, staring at the mess on the floor. He felt sick. His appetite was gone anyway. He leaned back in his chair. I hate this place. I hate all of it!
He cleaned up the mess. A very humiliating experience.
Maybe they are right. I could just kill myself. Darry and Soda have each other. They've been paying less and less attention to me anyway..
The days went on like that for weeks. Neither Darry nor Soda seemed to notice the change in Ponyboy's demeanor. However, one night, Ponyboy sat at his desk, staring at a sketch he’d drawn of Johnny.
It should have been me. Ponyboy fought back his tears. Goddammit Johnny.. And Dally too. I'm so sorry. I wish I never ran away. I wish I never ran in that church. I–
He stopped himself from going down that rabbit hole again.
He looked in the drawer and grabbed a blade he had hidden in there. He just cries for a bit before cutting himself. He did it a couple times but was overwhelmed by the amount of blood so he quit. He always bled a lot.
He was in the middle of bandaging when Soda walked in. Pony, who was in the bathroom, quickly hid the knife and pulled up his sleeve.
“Hey, Soda.” He came out of the bathroom to where Soda was. “How come you home early?”
Soda grinned, tossing his jacket over the chair. “I covered Steve’s shift yesterday, so I got an extra hour off today. Pretty neat, huh?”
Pony forced a smile. “Yeah… that’s nice.”
Soda’s grin faded a bit. “You okay, kid? You look kinda pale.”
“I’m fine,” Pony said defensively. He looked down at the floor, pretending to study the cracks in the wood. “Just tired, I guess.”
Soda came closer. “You sure? You've been real quiet lately. Even quieter than usual.”
Pony laughed, but it came out shaky. “You sound like Darry.”
So he has noticed.
“Guess he’s rubbing off on me,” Soda said with a small grin, trying to lighten the mood. Ponyboy avoided eye contact. “You been eating okay?”
“Yeah,” Pony lied. Not like he could eat anyway with them always taking his food. He shoved his hands in his pockets. “You worry too much, Soda.”
“I just care is all.”
He didn't say anything. He just gave a small nod and walked off down the hall, and into his room.
The following days were a blur, Ponyboy grew more and more miserable. He kept cutting himself. He wondered if he died would he see Johnny again. Maybe even Dally. That gave him hope. The notes continued. They bullied him everyday, probably just so he'd kill himself. Soda quit worrying as much, and Darry was cold as always.
Today, Ponyboy was determined to end it. He was gonna do it when he got home since Soda and Darry would be working late. “Finally..” He kept mumbling the whole walk home. He figured since he usually took 4-5 aspirin and that was already a high dose, he figured if he doubled it that would do the trick. Maybe even triple.
He rummaged through the medicine cabinet for the aspirin. He made him a big, tall, glass of water. He went outside as the sun started to set. “My last sunset.. Huh.” Everything was oddly peaceful. After a bit of watching he went inside and took the entire bottle since there wasn't that much left. So 16 total. He went to his bed and dozed off.
Next thing he knew Sodapop was yelling at him to wake up. Soda was crying trying to wake him up. Everything felt farther off than it did, and sounded far too. He couldn't really make out any of it.
Then it hit him.. He was still alive.