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“Ladybug?”
“Hmm?” Her fingers gently slipped through the thick gold strands of his hair. She always began at his forehead, the tips of the digits sending tingles so sweet they were almost painful right to his core, to then continue along the path of his hairline to curl behind his ear before starting the journey anew. His own finger tracing the black spot on the knee in front of him, Adrien sighed and closed his eyes as the next words escaped his lips.
“What do you think of Chat Noir?” Her hand stilled before she let out a soft giggle, resuming her amazingly comforting action.
“That silly cat?” The left corner of Adrien’s mouth curled up at the affection in her response. From his position on her lap, he couldn’t see Ladybug’s face but he knew a smile when he heard it. “He’s the best partner a girl could ask for.” The right corner matched the left, forming a full grin. “Why do you ask?”
“Well, it’s just,” he didn’t know why he was bringing this up. He was with Ladybug. He was with Ladybug in his room. She clearly adored him. Had said as much. Well, had said as much to Adrien. But to Chat? Not so much. But if she cared about Adrien so much, she had to feel something for Chat as well, right? Right? “You know he loves you, right?”
There was silence. Adrien’s grin fell. Maybe this was a bad idea. After a deep breath, he prepared himself to sit up when it happened.
Laughter.
Ladybug was laughing. Loud chortles that definitely sprung from deep down. He felt the rapid rise and fall of her stomach against the back of his head as she tried to calm herself.
“I-” another giggle broke through, “I-wh-haha-what on earth gave you that idea?”
“It’s obvious!” Adrien found himself loudly protesting, leaning on the forearm resting on her ankle to push himself up. “Can’t you see from the way he-” Ladybug pushed gently on his shoulder, returning him to his original resting position.
“The way he flirts?” came her wry tone. “That’s what he is , Adrien. A flirt. He doesn’t love me. He sees me as a friend. A partner. Nothing more.”
Was she really that dense? She thought he didn’t love her? How could she- How did she- Was she crazy? She was his moon, his stars, his. . everything. And she had no idea that he. . . ?
“Okay, but. . .but what if he did?” Her hand was rubbing his shoulder. It felt amazing, but he would not be distracted from his goal. His goal of - well, he wasn’t sure what his goal was but that wasn’t going to stop him from asking. “What if we weren’t together - pretend I don’t exist - and you knew he loved you. . . how would that make you feel? Do you think,” he swallowed the suddenly large lump in his throat, “do you think you could ever see him as anything but your partner?”
There was another long silence.
“You can just be honest with me,” Adrien flushed at the mild pleading in his voice, “it won’t bother me or anything if you do feel something for him. I mean, you two are close and-” her palm came forward to quiet him. Adrien inhaled the faint scent of cinnamon.
“ Adrien ,” Ladybug’s voice was quiet and clearly carried a hint of exasperation. “First of all, he doesn’t.”
“But-” he spoke through her fingers.
“But,” she cut him off, “if he did, it wouldn’t change anything.” His heart started to sink. “We’re partners, that’s it. Even if he did love me, I don’t think,” her voice got a little softer, “I don’t think I could ever feel that way about him.” In the space between her sentences, all he could hear was his own heartbeat, growing louder and louder. “He’s just- Chat, he-”, the hand covering his lips slipped away to curve atop her knee. “We’re just too different. He’s reckless, a giant flirt, those puns? I mean, do I love him? Of course, but not like that . Never like that. I trust him with my life, but with my heart?” Her words were cracking him in two, and she had no idea. “He’s just not my type.” And there was no way he could tell her.
“Besides,” her hand reached out to grasp his chin, turning his face to meet hers. Those deep blue eyes sparkled at him with an emotion one could easily say was love. Those eyes that haunted his dreams at night and had filled the thoughts of his every waking moment since the day he had met her. “Why would I ever want him when I have you ?” Unfortunately, as Ladybug’s lips began to close in on his own, instead of getting swept up in his normal state of adoration, all Adrien could help feeling was hurt.
Hopelessness.
Heartbreak.
Did she have him? His love? Yes.
Of course.
Forever.
But would he be able to say the same of her? No.
Absolutely not.
Never.
For how could he ever hope to wholly possess the love of Ladybug when she refused to see and love the whole of himself.