Work Text:
All roads led to this, apparently. Avery hadn't wanted them to, but they did, and now he was stuck here, in his bed, sitting on his calves with his friend Kilian to his left, the other's back against the wall and legs bent toward the ceiling.
The two had met a few months ago during camp orientation. The both of them were camp counselors, with Avery focusing on the more physical aspects of camp like sports and outdoor games while Kilian was more well-versed in things like logic games and brain teasers. Now, their paths never crossed much aside from when they would trade off their groups to move onto a new activity, but before they graduated to become actual counselors, they'd spent quite a lot of time together that led to them becoming close friends.
Tonight was the last Thursday of camp this year. Tomorrow, the counselors were going to hold a party at night after the kids had all been picked up by their parents, complete with food and drinks and music and dancing. Avery had been looking forward to it because it meant he could actually spend some time with Kilian, as they'd only been able to do so in the mornings or at night, or occasionally during lunch if their troops ate near one another.
They'd been having another late-night talk tonight in the counselors' shack. Avery had just showered and changed into his pajamas for the night—a camp T-shirt and shorts—and ran into Kilian on the way back.
The two walked to the cabin together, talking about their troops' activities for the day, chuckling about something this girl in Kilian's group had done earlier.
Eventually, they ended up sitting on Avery's bed, cross-legged and facing one another, Kilian near the head of the mattress. The tone was light still, though they had to keep their voices down since most of the cabin was asleep already.
They talked nonsense for a while. Somehow, they got on the topic of how calloused Avery's hands had gotten over the course of the summer, and Kilian's curiosity led to Avery coming close to sit next to him, left leg laying horizontally on the mattress while the other hung off the side. Avery offered his hand out for Kilian to feel, and that was when it started to get tense.
At some point soon after Kilian took him up on his offer to feel the callouses on his hand, Avery realized how weird that was. He pulled away and apologized, internally scolding himself, but Kilian brushed it off with a softer voice than what Avery had ever really heard from him.
"I mean, I don't really mind."
Avery looked at the other, confused face masked by the darkness of the cabin. "You... you don't mind?" He said it with some hints of judgement in his voice, though he couldn't help but feel like he was projecting a bit.
Kilian hesitated before shrugging. "I don't know. Not really. Friends can be affectionate, right?"
The other's mouth felt dry. "Sure, I... I guess."
After a moment of silence, Kilian held out his left hand again. Avery stared at it in bewilderment for a few long seconds, then Kilian faltered, finally drawing his hand back and averting his eyes. "Uh— We don't have to, if it's weird for you."
Avery spoke before he meant to. "No-! No, it's... I don't mind. We can.. uh.... hold hands."
Kilian studied Avery's face for a moment, then smiled softly. "Okay." He held out his hand again and the other took it after a much shorter period of hesitation, face burning and plaguing him with the desperate hope that it was too dark for Kilian to see.
The other counselor's hand was warm and surprisingly soft, contrasting what Avery's skin had become. Kayaking and hiking and teaching kids how to play certain sports had left his palms and fingers rough and calloused, but Kilian didn't seem to mind.
They sat and talked for a while, fingers intertwined, Kilian's attention apparently very captivated by their interlocked hands. Avery noticed, but the conversation that would follow a confrontation felt too awkward to initiate, so he kept quiet and tried not to think about it too much.
Until finally, Kilian said something about it.
Avery had been saying something about his family and how he was excited to see them once the camp was fully closed down for the year. Kilian, as Avery could tell, hadn't been paying the closest attention. His half-lidded eyes were focused on their hands, resting on top of Kilian's knee. He was still sitting with his legs crossed, , and suddenly—though very casually—rubbed his thumb over Avery's hand.
The other's voice caught in his throat when he felt it, thoughts suddenly just dissipating into thin air. His gaze fell on Kilian, whose eyes slowly met Avery's, looking apprehensively hopeful, like a begging dog.
Avery felt all the oxygen leave his lungs. His body went cold for a second, all the warmth draining out of him, before it returned and clamored up his throat to gather in his cheeks. He opened his mouth to speak, but embarrassingly, nothing came out.
Kilian's apprehension melted to regret, but he stood his ground and kept his voice low. "Sorry. Is this— Is this okay?"
The other couldn't speak. Something about how Kilian had said that...
He swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded, beginning slowly and almost jerkily at first, then finishing with a smooth bob of his head that was far more certain than how Avery actually felt.
A small smile graced Kilian's features and Avery felt the world around him spin. "Okay, cool."
Then, Kilian's thumb moved again, tracing over the same small arc it had been making on the back of Avery's hand, the skin slowly numbing over time yet still filling Avery with an unmistakable burning sensation.
Avery looked down at their hands, then at the ground, cheeks still hot. "... I, um.. I can't remember what I was gonna say."
The other chuckled gently. The noise decidedly did not get filed away into a specific part of Avery's brain that he would revisit at least thrice per day. "I wasn't really paying attention... so I don't know either."
"Distracted?" Avery inquired with a small smirk. He already knew the answer, and he was honestly was a little shocked he'd even said that.
Kilian stared at him for a moment, then nodded his head to the side as if shrugging. "... Yeah, I guess you could say that."
Avery knew he should stop there and change the subject, but he couldn't help himself. He spoke before he even knew what the words were that he was going to say. "By a girl?"
The other man held Avery's gaze, dark eyes drowning in emotions that Avery couldn't place if he tried. "No."
Just one word was all it took for Avery to feel his heart stutter. Then, it swelled, almost as if hope was invadings its ventricles and dictating where blood would flow. Avery hesitated for a second. Then two. Then five.
Then, he swallowed despite his mouth being dry, and barely managed to whisper out, "By me?"
Reluctance; that's what was holding him back. Reluctance and apprehension. Avery was terrified of his own feelings, but even more so of Kilian's. Whether Kilian felt the same or felt the opposite, Avery wasn't sure. He also wasn't sure which outcome would be worse.
Kilian was silent for a moment too long, searching Avery's own eyes for something that even Avery couldn't pinpoint. After a second or two of soft, almost bated breathing, Kilian reached his right hand out, left one still holding Avery's, though his thumb had long since frozen. Avery almost flinched away when Kilian's fingertips brushed his face, first making brief contact with his cheek before retracting and gently pushing a few strands of hair out of Avery's face.
He leaned back, eyes glued to Avery's face, hand still raised like it was painful for him to pull away. He then let his hand drop back to the mattress, slowly and cautiously, as if moving too fast would scare Avery off.
The other kept his own gaze on Kilian's, eyes never leaving the other man's face, hopeful disbelief clouding his mind.
It was silent for a long while, nothing but eye contact to keep the two company.
Avery was the one to break the standstill, shakily moving his free hand toward Kilian's right arm. He hesitated a few inches away, though, eyes trained on his target as a war raged inside.
He shouldn't be doing this. He knew he shouldn't be doing this, but his mind and body weren't getting along right now. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't incredibly turned on right now, and Kilian would be lying if he said he couldn't tell.
It was dead silent aside from what Avery was all too aware was Kilian's breath, slow and steady, almost calculated. Avery wishes he had that kind of control over himself—over his lungs, over his body, over his dick. He told himself it was because he hadn't been with a woman since high school. He told himself he was just desperate for affection. He told himself every lie in the book that he wished he could believe.
But he was still holding onto Kilian, right hand in the other man's left while his own left hand was all but hovering over Kilian's forearm. He felt like if he touched the other's skin, he'd break into a million pieces.
Then, Kilian moved his right hand up, placing his forearm into Avery's palm before guiding it up, leaving his own palm resting against Avery's cheek. The other's eyes followed his hand as Kilian moved it, then slowly rose to meet his friend's gaze.
Something was there between them, something tense and strong and tantalizing, and in that moment, words didn't matter. Air didn't matter, because all of it had been sucked out of Avery's lungs when Kilian gave him the unspoken permission he had convinced himself he wasn't waiting for.
Avery's lips fell apart slightly, his breaths coming in short and shallow. He couldn't fuck this up. He didn't know what to say, so he kept quiet, eyes searching Kilian's as the shorter's hand rested warmly on his cheek.
And then, for a moment, Kilian's eyes flicked down to Avery's lips. He recovered so quickly Avery wasn't even sure if he'd hallucinated it. But then it happened again, and this time, Kilian's gaze lingered for the longest, most tense second of Avery's life.
The moment was packed densely with emotional implications, and Avery found himself leaning in, Kilian's hand following. Their intertwined hands fell to the mattress, soft and forgotten, unhooking their fingers only for Avery to rest his palm atop Kilian's knuckles a moment later.
This is wrong.
He knew it was. But how could something that felt this right be so wrong?
Avery couldn't stop himself. In the darkness, he found Kilian's lips, though he stopped an inch away from them, eyes glued to the other's mouth religiously. His own lips were parted still, and at some point Kilian's had fallen open as well, their quietly heavy breaths melting together in that small space between their faces.
Kilian's hand on Avery's face shifted slightly, angled the smallest bit further back on the other's head. And just like that, Kilian leaned in, head tilting to the side, and pressed his lips against Avery's.
The other was frozen for a moment, his hands sat still upon Kilian's skin, brain stuttering as he tried to process that Kilian was kissing him. After what couldn't have been longer than a second, Avery felt his body relax, and his eyes fluttered shut, and he kissed Kilian back.
Kilian, a man. He was kissing a man. This wasn't okay. He could get kicked out of the church for this. He could get shamed for this. He could get killed for this.
But in that moment, the feeling of Kilian's lips working against his own overpowered any fear that he had bubbling under the surface. Avery's left hand slowly dropped from Kilian's forearm and made its way to his jaw, resting comfortably on the upper right side of the other's neck as their kiss continued.
Avery felt himself tilt his head to the side and shift closer, brow furrowing as he dove deeper into the kiss. He realized vaguely that he was chasing something, chasing more. Chasing this feeling that was blossoming in his chest, hot and relentless, demanding to be discovered.
Kilian's right hand slid around to the back of Avery's head, fingers getting tangled in his hair almost immediately. His grip tightened ever so slightly and Avery felt a soft grunt leave his throat, muffled in the kiss.
Then, suddenly, Avery opened his mouth. It wasn't random, though, he realized; Kilian had slipped his tongue out of his own mouth and licked at Avery's lips, wordlessly asking to enter. Avery had mindlessly obliged, and now Kilian was pulling Avery closer, expression tight and yearning, tongue exploring the other man's mouth like his life depended on it.
Avery moaned quietly into the kiss, his own hand sliding around to the back of Kilian's head, resting at the base of his skull. He moved again, this time pulling himself closer than ever before to Kilian. He slipped one leg over Kilian's and rested it between the other's legs, straddling the man's thigh as his free hand fled from Kilian's left to grab onto his sleeve.
They stayed like that for a moment, the only change being Kilian moving his newly-freed palm to Avery's waist.
Fuck, this isn't okay. We can't be... we shouldn't...
Avery couldn't bring himself to finish that thought when he felt Kilian shift forward slightly, pressing his crotch into Avery's knee with a gentle grunt... and holy shit was this guy hard.
The other felt his face grow warmer, thoughts momentarily occupied by the other's hard-on before he realized Kilian was pulling away from the kiss. It wasn't until their lips broke apart with a string of saliva still connecting them that Avery noticed he'd been nearly suffocating himself for the past while. His breathing quickened and he took deliberately quiet gasps of air, heavy eyes finding Kilian's immediately.
His lips felt numb, but he yearned to feel Kilian's on his again. Not only did he yearn to feel Kilian's lips on his own, but also on his neck, on his chest, on his stomach, and wrapping around his shaft like a starved animal.
Avery realized he'd been staring and forced his eyes back up to Kilian's.
The other looked desperate almost, a sort of lust sitting deep within his eyes that knocked the wind out of Avery when he noticed it. It was intense and demanding, like Kilian was trying to hold himself back.
Avery understood that.
"Kilian..." he mumbled, voice barely carrying through the silent air, "this isn't okay."
The other stared at him, still quietly panting, then swallowed slowly. "I know."
Avery hesitated, eyes lingering on Kilian's. If he knew this was wrong, then why was he feeding into it? Was he doing this just to mess with Avery? Was he actually enjoying it like Avery kept telling himself he wasn't?
That wasn't really a question, though, was it? Kilian was just having a natural physical response to what had happened, just like Avery, and was likely thinking of a woman while this had all been going on, just like Avery ought to have been doing.
Except he hadn't been.
Try as Avery might, he just couldn't imagine a woman in Kilian's place. Lord knew he wanted to, but he couldn't. He just...
He stared at Kilian, studying his face with an unreadable expression. Then, it twisted into something pained, something disgusted, something exhausted. His fist tightened, Kilian's shirt sleeve still trapped within, and leaned back in.
But he didn't kiss Kilian. No, he forced himself to aim for the other's neck, yanking his hand away from where it had been resting a moment ago to mirror his right hand's position. Kilian's right hand broke away from Avery's face as the taller leaned in, though it soon found its way to Avery's back, resting there as the other buried his face in Kilian's neck.
"Fuck...." he muttered, words muffled by the skin. Kilian smelled so good. How many times had Avery caught this woodsy scent and wondered what it would take to stain his sheets with it eternally? How many times had Avery found himself smelling his own clothes, finding traces of this scent on them, shamefully filling his senses with it before throwing it away to be washed that night? Far too many to count, and now the source of it was right at his fingertips, open and ready and his for the taking.
He felt his own breath against his face as his lips parted, hot air leaving his mouth and spreading across Kilian's virgin flesh as Avery struggled to keep his tongue to himself. Gosh, this was torture. Avery had caught sight of Kilian's shirt collar slipping multiple times, or found his gaze lingering on Kilian's neck as sweat dripped down it from the camp's humidity, or noticed how much his arm burned after he slung it playfully around Kilian's shoulders every do often.
Kilian's fingers dug into Avery's skin as the other licked his neck, base of his tongue laying flat as he dragged it up and around the side, tasting the saltiness of sweat that clung to the other's skin.
Avery heard Kilian open his mouth to breathe, short gasps sounding like music as the other pressed his lips against the side of Kilian's neck. The man dove right back in, this time with more fervor, lapping at Kilian's skin like a dehydrated dog. Stifled whines escaped the other as fingernails dug into Avery's back, piercing even through the fabric of his shirt. To return the favor, Avery retracted his tongue and opened his jaw wide enough to fit a bit of Kilian's neck between his teeth, then sank them in no more than what was needed to leave an indent.
Kilian jolted, but was impressively silent, then muttered something in German once Avery unhooked his jaw. He licked the bite mark, causing the other to shudder, then planted a kiss against a fresh patch of skin while Kilian's head fell forward slightly.
Avery let go of Kilian's sleeve and moved his hand to the left side of the other's neck, holding him still while he gently pressed his teeth against a new area of skin, another stifled moan escaping the other. The sound caused Avery to pause slightly, and he was suddenly very aware that he'd basically ignored the tent in his pants for the past ten minutes. He'd gotten so wrapped up in the moment that he'd forgotten.
He pulled his teeth off of Kilian's neck and swallowed the excess saliva, then slowly licked the wound and put his right hand back on Kilian's sleeve, eyes closed in preparation. The other lifted his head in confusion for a brief moment before Avery bit down on his tongue and rocked his hips forward, grinding his clothed dick against Kilian's thigh.
The shorter's grip on Avery's shirt tightened as soon as Avery's knee was shifted by the movement, and an almost imperceptible whine escaped his throat. The relief from the friction hit Avery immediately, and his jaw fell open slightly despite there not being any noises to accompany it. He shakily exhaled and rested his forehead against the other's shoulder, who turned and pressed his face into Avery's neck, jaw clamped shut as Avery continued to grind slowly against his leg.
Kilian held Avery close, his fingers shaky yet firm in their grip on the other's back, occassional soft whines and low whimpers falling from his lips that pushed Avery further. His own lips were parted like he was always on the verge of speaking, but all that came out were hot, wet pants of breath that were sometimes broken up by him clamping his mouth shut suddenly as an erotic groan climbed its way up his throat.
The shorter mumbled something breathily in German, but Avery didn't understand what it meant. Even if it was in English, Avery doubted he would've processed it, because all he could think of right now was how disgusting he was for dry humping another man... and his closest friend, no less.
But somehow, for some reason, that hatred toward his actions only added to the fire that was building in his stomach, and even though tears pricked his eyes, Avery gripped Kilian's sleeves tighter and pressed his hips against the other's thigh a bit harder, chasing friction and his own release as his mind raced with the idea of Kilian stopping him and insisting on blowing him for the rest.
That, of course, didn't happen, but the visual in his mind of Kilian on his knees in front of Avery, the taller's hand in Kilian's hair as he guided his mouth, head bobbing as he pressed Avery's dick further down his throat, was enough to send him over the edge. He found himself burying his face in Kilian's neck again, jaw forced shut as short moans wormed their way up his throat. The other held him still, head falling back slightly as Avery rode out his climax, hips slowing to a stop as he finished in his pants.
He sat there for a long moment, panting into Kilian's neck, hands relaxed but still gripping the other's sleeves like a lifeline. His brain still felt a bit foggy from the lust, but he couldn't deny the overwhelming feeling of horror at what he'd just done.
"Avery, I'm..."
The man hated how hearing his name roll off of Kilian's tongue like that made his chest squeeze. He pried his face from the other's neck and looked at him quizzically, expression slightly muted from exhaustion.
Kilian looked embarrassed, but glanced down, and Avery followed his gaze. He was still hard, Avery realized, then lifted his eyes back to meet Kilian's, who had now averted his gaze.
Avery stared at the other's face for a long few seconds, contemplating his choices. He could just leave Kilian to his own devices and grapple with the consequences of what he'd just done, but the guilt of how that might affect Kilian was already beginning to weigh on him.
He came to his conclusion before he had accepted it, slowly bringing his palm to his mouth. He swirled spit around in his mouth for a moment, then let it drip out from his lips onto his hand, hesitating for a moment before risking a glance at Kilian.
The other was staring back at Avery with a mixture between muted shock and something akin to embarrassment, though it felt more anxious than the shy embarrassment a moment ago. Avery's chest twisted, but he bit his tongue and carefully climbed off of Kilian's leg.
It was nearly silent, but the tension between the two men was thick enough to choke on. It was almost surreal how Avery was sitting next to Kilian as the other shifted his position, getting a bit more comfortable as the implication of what Avery would do for him hung in the air.
Then, Kilian nodded, and Avery moved forward before he had even decided himself that he was ready. His eyes landed on the hem of Kilian's shirt, hanging over his waistband and crotch, and then Avery glanced up at his face. The other didn't look scared, but apprehension taunted his features. Avery hesitated, hand hovering over Kilian's stomach, eyes glued to the other's face.
Then, he felt a hand on his wrist, and he looked down to find Kilian gently holding him steady. Avery glanced back up and mer Kilian's eyes, gaze steady despite the uncertainty. He made sure Avery was focused on him before he pressed his lips together and nodded deliberately. "Please, Avery. It's okay."
Avery reluctantly swallowed, then followed Kilian's gaze back down. The other used his free hand to lift up his shirt, then gently guided Avery's hand to his lower stomach. Once Avery's palm was flat against Kilian's skin, he released his grip on Avery's wrist and pulled his hand away, resting it on the mattress beside him.
This was it.
Heavenly Father...
A shaky breath made its way into and out of Avery's lungs before he gathered a fraction of the courage necessary to move his hand. His face burned as he slowly trailed down Kilian's stomach, fingers brushing over the hair that led down further, guiding Avery's hand under the other's waistband.
Finally, Avery felt his hand wrap around something familiar, yet different from what he knew. Kilian was more slender than Avery, but the taller figured he could just treat Kilian like he usually did himself and it would be fine.
Still, his breath caught in his throat and his mouth went dry. He knew what to do and how to do it, but the fact that he was doing it to someone else was almost foreboding.
He didn't let himself hesitate long enough for Kilian to notice. Avery swallowed and pulled the other's cock out, Kilian's limbs almost trembling from what Avery convinced himself wasn't excitement.
The man paused, then leaned forward and rested his forehead against Kilian's shoulder, face angled down and slightly inward so he could still see what he was doing. Through the corner of his eye, he saw the other's hands tensed against the mattress.
Avery felt a small stab of panic worm its way into his chest. Was this not what Kilian wanted? He seemed awfully nervous, and Avery didn't want to do anything Kilian wasn't comfortable with.
Gosh, he sounded so fucking gay right now.
... please forgive me for my sins.
"Are you sure?" Avery mumbled, half-lidded gaze locked onto the fingers wrapped around Kilian's dick. The other nodded quickly, then managed a low "Yes," that almost seemed eager.
Avery wasn't sure if he'd been hoping for Kilian's permission or denial. Honestly, part of him would've preferred someone to have woken up by now and started shouting slurs at them.
But that didn't happen, and Avery was left to inhale slowly and start to move his hand. Up Kilian's shaft and then down again, cautious and deliberate, causing the other to inhale shakily and hold it for a few seconds before Avery pressed his lips against the side of his neck again. Kilian exhaled sharply, a slight squeak at the start of the breath, then gripped the sheets tighter and tilted his head away from Avery to give him access.
The other took it and ran, shifting his grip and leaning into Kilian's body, peppering slow, soft kisses along the skin as he continued to jerk him off. Kilian stifled a grunt, though it still seeped out of his throat as a low groan that sent a shiver up Avery's spine.
Lord, please forgive me.
Up and down, up and down, a bit faster now. Kilian's noises became more breathy and less guttoral, but he also was failing at keeping as quiet as he should've been.
Avery hushed him a couple times, slowing down in his movements to further his point. Though, that mostly resulted in Kilian letting out a soft whine and squirming at the lack of friction, so Avery relented and continued.
Not even a few seconds after that, Avery made the mistake of sliding his thumb away from the relaxed fist he'd been using prior in favor of feeling the soft skin on Kilian's tip, precum wetting his finger pad as he did. The other jerked and choked out a less than dignified moan that lasted no longer than a second, though it was louder than the other noises and caused both men to freeze instantly.
Avery's face burned as he sat there, unmoving, listening closely for any movement. It was silent aside from Kilian's ragged, forcefully quiet breathing. After a few seconds, the other hesitantly began to rub Kilian again, the man's breathing hitching for a moment before resuming its usual uneven rhythm.
"Good lord, Kilian..." Avery mumbled, tone almost reluctant, lips brushing against the other's neck as he spoke. "You drive me crazy."
The other man let out a soft groan, his grip on the sheets tightening slightly. "Yeah—?"
"Yeah."
Please.
Kilian's jaw fell open and he brought his left hand to cover his mouth, though it didn't do much to muffle the nearly consistent strings of noises he was letting out. "Avery— Avery, fuck—"
"Shh," the other muttered back. "We don't wanna wake anyone up, do we?"
"N-No," Kilian managed, his right fist gripping the sheets tighter as he bit back another moan.
"That's it, stay quiet for me..." Avery whispered, jaw clenched as he slowly increased in speed.
Please forgive me.
Kilian began to writhe from the pleasure, stifled whines slipping out of his throat. "Agh— Mmf, please, Avery.."
The other man's movements faltered for a few seconds as he shifted to sit up, gently grabbing Kilian's chin and turning him to face Avery, thumb on the man's lower lip before pulling him forward into a kiss. His right hand resumed stroking Kilian, though it was slower, more deliberate, earning a soft whimper from the affected that was muffled by the kiss.
Avery slipped his tongue into Kilian's mouth and picked up speed, the other's own hands finding Avery's shirt and grasping at it like a lifeline.
"Mngh.." Kilian mumbled, lips working sloppily against Avery's despite the incessant noises he was letting slip.
"Quiet," Avery commanded, immediately pressing his mouth back against Kilian's, tongue becoming familiar with its temporary home.
Kilian gripped the other's shirt tighter, grunts either getting stuck in his throat or drowning between their lips. Then, he yanked his head back and managed an "I'm—" before Avery slipped his free hand behind the other's head and all but forcibly resuming the kiss. Kilian leaned into it, brows furrowed in concentration, hands shaking as Avery pulled him impossibly closer.
I know this is wrong.
Avery pulled away for a few seconds to breathe, Kilian's own breaths coming in uneven pants. "Avery.. Avery, I'm close—"
"I know," the other muttered sweetly, heavy gasps of air warming the previously boiling space between them even further. "It's okay. Keep it down."
Kilian let out another stifled groan, head falling back as a jolt of pleasure stabbed through him. Avery caught sight of his opened neck and didn't think twice before attacking, pressing open lips and teeth against the skin, earning a shocked noise from the other that Avery didn't bother stopping for. He licked along the skin, sometimes leaving brief kisses, sometimes sucking on a small spot to leave a mark that he'd later look back on with masked pride knowing he'd put it there.
I know I shouldn't be doing this.
Kilian's hands snaked around to Avery's back, nails scratching at the other's skin through the shirt fabric. He whimpered in the other's ear, sending a chill up Avery's spine. "Fuck, Aves.. don't— ngh—"
"Come on..." Avery mumbled, kissing Kilian's neck again. He moved most of his focus down to his hand, strokes getting a bit sloppier as Kilian kept moving. The other bit back a whine as Avery faltered slightly, adjusting his grip. "I know, I know.."
"I'm— I'm so.." Kilian's words devolved into a desperate groan, to which Avery responded by kissing his jaw. "Avery—"
"Say my name again," Avery muttered, burying his face in the other's neck.
"Avery..." the other moaned, eyes flinching shut, grip on Avery's shirt tightening. "Please, I'm.."
"Shhh," Avery whispered, "quietly. Again, please..."
Kilian tensed, but managed to choke out, "Ave— Avery, ah—"
The other closed his eyes, breath hot against Kilian's neck. "Again."
"Avery, I'm gonna—"
"One more time, baby, please..."
But I can't stop.
Kilian's muscles tensed again as he struggled to hold back his orgasm, breathily stuttering out a broken version of Avery's name that finally satiated whatever the other was chasing after.
"Fuck... okay, okay—" Avery stammered, eyes opening halfway to watch Kilian finish. "You can go now."
The other let out a stifled groan, fingers grasping at Avery's shirt as he finally got the release he'd been nearly begging for. His hips bucked up despite Avery's hand still jerking him off, cum spilling from the tip and dripping down over Avery's fist.
They both sat there for a good few seconds after Avery had slowed and stopped stroking Kilian, the other panting heavily but unrelenting in his grasp on Avery.
"Holy shit..." Kilian finally managed, voice trembling slightly in the aftermath.
Avery kept his face buried in the other's neck for a bit afterward, soaking in the moment, then swallowed and reluctantly sat back. He let go of Kilian's cock and brought his hand to his mouth, licking it clean with barely a second thought.
The other stared at him, eyes wide and jaw slack in awe. "... Wow."
Avery hesitated, then chuckled. "What?"
Kilian studied the other for a few seconds, silent, then slowly shook his head. "Nothing."
They sat still for a while, realization of what their lust had caused settling over them like a suffocatingly heavy blanket.
Can you ever forgive me?
Avery swallowed the saliva pooling in his mouth, staring down at his right hand, shorts bundled in his left fist. "... You should get cleaned up."
Kilian looked up at him, but Avery refused to meet his gaze. He was too ashamed, too nervous, too scared. He didn't know what he'd find behind the other's eyes, and that terrified him.
The silence stretched for what felt like much longer than a few seconds, ending with Kilian nodding and slowly shifting off the bed, pulling his boxers up to cover himself. "Yeah."
Avery stayed sitting where he was, eyes glued to the mattress next to him. Kilian walked to the door quietly, pausing before opening it to glance back at Avery. The other's grip on his pants tightened, expression hardening, refusing to acknowledge what he saw through his peripheral vision.
Then, Kilian turned and left, making sure the door shut silently behind him.
The other didn't move for a while. He sat there, soaking in everything, wallowing in his own guilt and disgust and regret and pleasure and gratefulness and euphoria. Finally, he shifted back, sliding under the covers and lying on his side, facing away from the door.
Tears pricked his eyes, but he blinked them away angrily. A few moments passed before he closed his eyes and brought his hands together, jaw tense as he began to pray.
Heavenly Father, please forgive me for my sins.
He didn't notice how when Kilian came back, he stopped next to his own bed to stare at Avery, a lump in his throat that didn't leave even as he climbed into his own bed and tried to fall asleep.
Eventually, Avery fell asleep, fingers still clutched together in a message to God; intertwined just like his and Kilian's hands had been not too long ago.