Work Text:
HARRODS HAUL
2010s
"Non, non, non...", Lucius heard Coco grumble standing before his wide-open wardrobe, one bejeweled hand on her hip and the other beneath her chin, her delicately sculpted face scrunched with disapproval.
He was to attend the Ministry of Magic's annual Advent gala on Friday evening, and his house-elf, an undisputed fashion expert, looked thoroughly dissapointed by his collection of suits and dress robes, although she was the one who 'd chosen most of them after throwing half of his old clothes away under the pretext that they were tragically outdated.
"Still haven't found anything suitable for Friday, Coco?", he asked walking inside with an exasperated expression on his face, already guessing her answer.
"I 'm afraid not, Master Lucius.", she said turning around to look at him.
The glittering coils of the pavéd Juste un clou bangles stacked on her arm caught the light of the crystal chandelier above and he had to put a hand over his eyes so he wouldn't get blinded.
"These are great suits, naturellement, but none of them is chic enough for the Ministry gala.", she declared with a sniff.
"But it was you who 'd chosen them.", he reminded her. "And they 'd cost me a small fortune, just like those ridiculous bangles of yours."
"Oui, that 's true, but the thing is that I want you to dazzle at the gala.", she explained emphasizing the word dazzle.
"Dazzle?", he repeated looking down at her in confusion. "Coco dear, I 'm not a woman, so I do not need to-"
"So what?", she shot back gesturing sharply with her hand, what made her chunky Panthére rings clink. "You need to stand out among all those petty suck-ups who smile at you but secretly wish you ruin."
Well, he couldn't deny she was right about the suck-ups, but still failed to see why none of the suits he possessed was capable of achieveing that effect.
"So what do you suggest we do?", he asked eventhough he knew what the answer was going to be.
"We shall go to London.", she said matter-of-factly, just like he knew she would. "To Harrods, of course."
"Yes, of course.", he echoed with a sneer. "The last time we went there you bought three new lizard bags and enough diamonds to adorn the Queen for her Christmas Ball."
"Firstly,", Coco began narrowing her eyes. "those bags were made of python, not lizard skin.", she explained in a tone that suggested mixing up exotic skins was a serious fashion crime. "And secondly, we are running out of time, and there is no other place in London where we 'll find so many stores that offer fine formal wear for gentlemen."
"Well, you 'll have to forgive me if I don't find your reasoning quite convincing.", he said disdainfully. "I think you 're just looking for a barely plausible excuse to bring me there and then, when we get inside, you 'll drag me from one ridiculously expensive designer store to another until you empty my wallet as you always do."
"I assure you that is not the case this time.", she said not at all convincingly. "Of course I intend to shop, it 's Harrods after all, but not until we find you the perfect suit. I can't have you looking like some low-level clerk of the Magical Accidents Department."
"All right.", he conceded, recognizing a lost battle when he saw one. "How much gold should I change into pounds then?"
"As much as your money pouch can fit.", she said as if talking about changing the curtains. "I only hope they hadn't sold that gorgeous Panthére necklace that was displayed in the window the last time...", she murmured to herself just before she Disapparated, probably back to her ostentatious walk-in wardrobe.
"And I hope they had.", he hissed praying to whomever was out there that the blasted necklace had already found its place on another magpie's neck.
The goblins at the Gringotts' exchange counter weren't surprised when he 'd presented them with a small mountain of Galleons that were to be exchanged into pounds, for it wasn't the first time ( nor would it be the last one, to his misfortune ) that he 'd come to them with such a request, and he suspected they knew very well who was to blame for his increased need for Muggle money after his and Coco's unfortunate encounter with Umbridge in Diagon Alley last month.
But, as a master in deceit, he had no trouble feigning obliviousness to their sneaky glances, and, when the transaction was done, he stalked off towards the fireplace with his usual air of superiority eventhough he didn't feel surperior at all considering he knew what awaited him.
Back at the Manor, he found Coco already waiting for him when he stepped out of the drawing room's fireplace, a vision of style and elegance in Chanel's iconic little black dress, Saint Laurent's creamy ballerina flats and her favourite cashmere coat in the same colour by Balmain.
Of course, her outfit wouldn't be complete without a gaudy Hermès bag, this time a dark-green lizard Birkin with gold hardware he 'd bought for her last birthday, slung over her arm as her perfectly manicured fingers tapped nervously against her pointy elbows.
"Let us not waste time.", she said imperiously gripping his forearm with surprising strength and Apparated them to a secluded little side street in Muggle London they 'd usually picked for their trips to Harrods due to its proximity to Brompton Road.
His senses still had trouble adjusting to the deeply annoying noises of Muggle traffic, but he had no time to wallow in self-pity because an invisible hand was tugging rather harshly at the hem of his thick woollen coat, directing him towards the familiar brick building that housed Harrods, the only place in the entire United Kingdom Coco deemed suitable for shopping.
"First we 're going to the second floor to find you a suit for the gala, Master.", she whisper-shouted careful not to alert the unsuspecting Muggle shoppers to her presence. "Then we 'll go back here to the ground floor for my shopping. I must check out The Beauty Halls besides Cartier and Dior, and I think I 'll pop by the Shoe Heaven as well..."
Lucius just rolled his eyes and let out a quiet sigh of defeat grateful for the background noise of the store, that prevented her murmurs from reaching his ears, although he knew it was of no use because she was unstoppable when it came to shopping, and this place had all of her favourite brands under its roof.
"Come.", she commanded when they reached the entrance to the Louis Vuitton menswear store.
Faced with the prospect of trying out the uncomfortable-looking overpriced Muggle clothes, he froze on the spot just before the glass door, wishing desperately he could Disapparate and be back in his Manor, but Coco had no understanding for his sudden bout of panic, and so she practically shoved him inside, tugging on his coat until he nearly toppled over, which would 've been quite a scene.
Safely hidden beneath multi-layered Disillusionment charms, Coco immediately went over to the suit racks, examining them with an eye of a seasoned fashion critic, while he was left to handle the actual conversation with the Muggle shop assistant on his own.
"How may I help You today, Sir?", the said shop assistant, an impeccably dressed young man with neatly trimmed brown hair, asked politely.
"Well, I... I need a suit for a special occasion.", he said stiffly. "A formal gala dinner, to be more precise."
"In that case, You 're at the right place.", the young man said jovially, leading Lucius to the suit racks, where he knew Coco was already counting pros and cons of each suit.
They had a well-established system of communication for such occasions, one where he 'd subtly incline his head towards a particular item on display and she 'd tug on the hem of his coat when he 'd point towards something she wanted, and they 'd agreed she 'd do the same when she found a suit she liked, yet there was no tugging despite the shop assistant's reassurances that each one was better than the last.
"This one, for example, has a unique pattern...", the man prattled on pulling out a dark-blue suit with a truly unusual pattern that reminded him of tweed, but it most definitely wasn't tweed.
It was then that he finally felt a discreet tug on the right hem of his coat, away from the shop assistant's eyes; he was standing by the very end of the rack, with his eyes on a simple but refined suit made of black satin silk, Coco's favourite material.
"Oh, great choice, Sir.", the man said grinning from ear to ear as Lucius raised his hand to feel the shiny, incredibly smooth fabric. "It is quite simple, yes, but the cut is unique and contemporary, so it will surely-."
"I 'd like to try it on if that 's possible.", Lucius cut him off after another tug from Coco, a sign for confirmation of their choice.
"Yes, of course.", the man replied already counting the pounds that would flow into the cash register in his head. "This way, if You please."
They went to the back of the store, behind the shelves lined with monogrammed duffel bags and trunks the likes of which took up the entire right corner of Coco's walk-in wardrobe, and the shop assistant showed him to a changing room, excusing himself as he pulled the curtain shut.
"This is simply magnifique, Master Lucius.", Coco said as soon as she was sure the man was gone. "The cut is absolutely parfait, especially the shoulders."
"We 'll see how it fits me.", Lucius said shrugging of his coat and jacket so he could put on the black blazer.
Coco was polite enough to turn around and pretend she was looking for something in her bag ( or maybe she really was looking for something ) while he was pulling on the matching trousers, that were much more comfortable than they looked.
Now he could only hope his fashion expert would still have the same opinion about the suit once she saw it on him.
"Sacre bleu, what an elegance!", she exclaimed putting a hand over her chest. "I knew it 's going to be great, but I feared if it would fit you as it should because I couldn't be sure about the size, but it seems the fashion deities are on our side today."
"I must admit you have a point, Coco.", he said coming to stand before the full-lenght mirror to see how he looked. "Not only does it fit me, but it 's also quite comfortable, which I can't say for the rest of my formal suits."
"You can't look good if you don't feel comfortable, so I 'm very glad to hear that because it looks like it 's been custom-made for you."
"Yes, you 're absolutely right."
"I 'm always right when it comes to fashion, Master.", she said checking the state of her make-up in a little gilded mirror. "I 've come here with a vision of something like this, slightly understated but undeniably classy, just like my little black dress, and I can't tell you how happy I am we 've found exactly what I 've had in mind."
"I actually feel good in it.", he said turning to the side and around in front the mirror. "The price will surely cause me a headache, but this time it 'll be worth it."
"Quality suits don't come cheap.", Coco said haughtily. "Especially if they 're Louis Vuitton."
"Trust me, I know nothing with that name comes cheap.", he said giving her a sharp look. "I 've learned it the hard way."
"You should take it off so it doesn't wrinkle and we can go to the cash register.", she said purposefully ignoring his jab. "Someone might take the Panthére necklace if we don't hurry up."
Again, Lucius hoped someone would take that atrocity of a necklace before they got to Cartier's store, although he knew it was unlikely to happen due to its eye-watering pricetag, so he just kept quiet and did as she told him because he too didn't want the suit to wrinkle.
She continued to blabber about the aforementioned necklace and matching earrings as they made their way out of the changing room towards the cash register, and he had to make a quiet shushing sound to remind her that her Disillusionment charms couldn't conceal her voice.
As he 'd already assumed he would, he paid a hefty sum for the suit, but, thankfully, they left the store with only one orange shopping bag ( Coco had decided she didn't need another monogrammed trunk ), and Lucius counted it as a small victory.
"Hurry, Master!", she hissed tugging him forward by the coat. "I don't want someone else to take my Panthére necklace."
He couldn't help rolling his eyes at her claim; he still clung to the hope, however fragile, that some other woman, who shares her obsession with everything shiny and ludicrously expensive, had purchased it while they were at Louis Vuitton and he wouldn't have to spend a literal mountain of Galleons on a tacky diamond-encrusted beast.
Yet, his hope was short-lived, because he spotted the beast in question glittering proudly in the window display of Cartier's store as soon as they 'd gotten back to the Fine Jewelry department located on the ground floor.
"It 's here.", Coco breathed out in both joy and relief, and he could imagine her large aquamarine eyes staring at it with utmost adoration. "It 's been waiting for me..."
No matter how much it pained him to admit it, she was right, and he was left with no other option but to get inside and get it over with as quickly as possible.
"I would like to buy that panther necklace from the window if I may.", he 'd told the shop assistant, a nice young woman with sleek honey-blond hair.
"Of course, Sir.", she replied with a nod of her head already moving to get it out of the window. "Would You consider taking the earrings as well?", she asked in a voice full of hope she 'd rip him off to the full.
If it was up to him, he wouldn't take anything ( he wouldn't come near a jewelry shop again for the rest of his life ), but little bony fingers adorned with the identical diamond panthers were gripping the hem of his coat and tugging on it with the force of a Niffler that had sensed gold ( white gold and diamonds in this case ).
"All right.", he sighed. "I 'll take the earrings as well."
To no one's surprise, the tugging on his coat immediately stopped, and he was sure Coco was grinning as widely as the shop assistant, whose hazel eyes widened almost comically when he pulled several wads of bills out of the seemingly small pouch, but she remained silent, offering him a crimson red shopping bag with a grateful smile and a kind invitation to visit again.
It was as if she knew he would be visiting again, and quite soon, which felt quite unnerving, but he wanted to be out of the store before Coco found something else to go with the necklace, so he thanked her and turned around towards the exit to prevent more financial disasters.
She 'd keep shopping, of course, but bags, shoes and make-up, no matter how pricey, were small things compared to the sparkly beasts he carried in his right hand.
"Thank you for the Panthéres, Master.", Coco said from his right. "I would 've been heartbroken if someone else had taken them."
"I know.", Lucius gritted out still mourning the money he 'd been forced to part with. "I only bought them because I don't want to put up with your sulking and whining for the next two months."
"A lady does not whine.", she retorted rather arrogantly. "Dior is our next stop. They have a truly excellent choice of bags..."
He had a strong urge to remind her of the occasion from around a month ago, when she 'd failed to buy a vintage diamond and pearl necklace at the jewelry auction in Paris and thrown an actual tantrum, but he learned the very first week he 'd acquired her that arguing with her was the same as arguing with a chunk of stone.
Dior's accessories store was all gleaming white walls and glass, nearly as blinding as Coco's diamonds, and he was sure that such a choice of the interior design was anything but random: its sole purpose was to make the colourful bags displayed on the glass shelves stand out and attract the hungry gazes of fashion-maniacs such as his house-elf.
Most of them were Lady Dior, her favourite model, ranging from tiny to big ones, either made of leather, logo-printed fabric or exotic skins that Coco adored, such as crocodile, snake and lizard.
Some of them even looked familiar, what meant she had to have them already, but it was hard to tell because she had so many of them that he couldn't be sure if they were the same ones or just alike ( all her bags looked pretty much the same to him ).
By some miracle, he was right, because there was no tug when he inclined his head towards the two that he believed he 'd seen displayed on her bag shelves, one magenta and the other dark red.
But, when he nodded towards a shiny white one made of crocodile skin, Coco tugged at his coat, and he had to ask the lady at the counter, a petite young brunette, to pack it for him.
Then he moved on to the next shelf, where three bags were stacked next to each other, one gold, the other silver and the third beige, all made of crocodile skin, but again Coco's signaling tug was absent.
Above these shelves, displayed on the highest point of a fancy metal stool a bright red Saddle bag made of shiny crocodile skin stood out among its rather ordinary-looking fellows, and he knew she 'd want it even before the inevitable tug, that came not a second later.
"That red one, please.", he said purposefully looking away from the pricetag.
The shop assistant looked more than pleased by the prospect of selling not one, but two or possibly more unreasonably expensive handbags to a sole customer, whom she obviously believed to be there at the whim of his demanding young mistress if the way she looked at him was anything to go by.
Lucius snorted, trying to imagine the woman's face if she saw whom the bags were really for, but he was pulled out of his rather amusing thoughts by another tug on his coat and his head snapped up, eyes quickly scanning the shelves before him for the source of Coco's eagerness.
Already well-attuned to her tastes, he knew it the moment he 'd spotted it, a middle-sized salmon-pink ( dear Merlin, he even remembered her absurd names for colour shades ) Lady Dior bag made of either python or lizard skin.
"That one as well.", he said pointing at it with his finger.
"Ah, what a great choice.", the shop assistant commented happily taking the bag down from the glass shelf. "It is one of our most luxurious items."
Yes, that 's why she wants it, he thought to himself pulling the money pouch out of the inside of his coat.
His face remained surprisingly neutral when the woman stated the total sum with a self-satisfied grin of a cat who 'd snatched all the cream for herself, and he counted the bills without blinking, taking the three white shopping bags with golden Dior logo from her with a polite Thank You eventhough he believed she should 've thanked him for spending so much money in her store.
But, compared to the Panthére necklace and earrings, they seemed cheap, and he even had a bit of luck because many other bags on display already had their place in the floor-to-ceiling glass cases in Coco's walk-in wardrobe, so it wasn't as bad as he 'd feared it would be.
"To the Beauty Halls now.", she declared in a manner of a high-ranking military officer. "I 've read that Chanel has launched the most amazing holiday make-up collection..."
Since the Muggles that passed them by were too immersed in their own frivolous chatters, Lucius didn't bother shushing her; he walked silently beside her already worrying about the near future, desperately hoping she won't bankrupt him when she goes to Paris for the holidays and meets up with her equally eccentric friends, although at this point he knew it was what people liked to call a fool's hope.