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I'm a little bit obsessive
I need to learn my lesson
Tony knows he has always been obsessed. Obsessed with creating and technology and the future.
But his first obsession was heroes. Not the kind with spandex, or super powers, or even the metal suits he now used.
No, his first obsession was with a specific hero. A war hero.
A war hero that his father told him about when he was too many drinks deep, and either too drunk or not drunk enough to realize that the son he hated was listening to him talk. Listening to him describe a man that only wanted to do his best. His father always shifted those stories away from that man, and instead to the hero he created.
But, he had his favorite hero. And it certainly wasn’t the same as his fathers.
My kindness is a weapon
A weapon that you turned on me
The tower is a work of engineering. It’s state of the art. It’s safe and secure and...
Empty, mostly.
Except for when it’s not. And typically then he is being asked for things. Not that he minds doing weapon upgrades, or suit repairs.
But to only be thought of as the mechanic, the engineer.
When he was already three days deep in meetings and paper work for the company that he owns, and the others would show up and ask-demand his help on things.
Well, another sleepless night couldn’t hurt.
Still, you leave me guessin'
'Cause you're so iridescent
And then they stick around for a while. And it feels like family. Not that he knows what that is supposed to feel like. But it feels full, and comfortable, and safe.
There are team breakfasts, and game nights, and conversations after battles that feel like they heal something deep inside of him.
The tower isn’t empty, and he doesn’t feel as much of a monster as he once did.
You show the world a smile
But show your true colors to me
Tony learns his hero is alive, and it nearly knocks him out of the sky. He doesn’t allow himself to fall.
His fathers hero is already fighting against him, and he doesn’t much care for heroes anymore. At least, that’s what he tells himself.
His father’s hero assumes all is well with them, without truly accepting that things are not okay. He has always seemed to care more about his own morals than others, at least in the stories he seemed more human.
Think I got the message
Thought our love was destined
It’s not until the secrets start that he feels that dread pool.
He may not be an assassin, or a spy. But he has his technology. And once he learns what the secrets are, he feels his heart grow cold once more.
He learns that the agency claiming to help them is full of Nazis.
Then he learns that his hero killed his parents.
He spends several days in his workshop. Barely sleeping. Barely eating. Barely breathing.
But it's more like a death wish
A guarantee for misery
He gives it another week. Another week of doing upgrades. Being asked for resources. Being lied to.
He knows now that he won’t be told. Not by his fathers hero. Not by the people he thought were his friends.
He waits. He watches. He is used to the pain of betrayal, but this one? His fathers hero, who could do no wrong, committing the sin?
It fill him with an ugly sort of anger. The kind he hasn’t felt since his fathers story nights, where he would realize he was listening and cuff him over the head and tell him that he was nothing compared to The Captain.
The Captain that was lying to his face as he asked for more resources.
The Captain that knew who killed his parents.
Time for my confession
You're toxic, but infectious
He gives. Because that is all he knows. He gives and he gives and he gives.
Resources are simple.
Patience is not. But, he knows the truth. And if he has to wait for his hero, he will.
It doesn’t stop the twenty different facial recognition softwares he has going to alert him of any sighting.
Each day without a ping makes the anger lick at his bones.
He wonders if they all know the truth, especially on days he joins them for breakfast or dinner or game night. Wonders if they all know and just do not trust him. With the knowledge, or the ability to do the right thing.
He wonders if they ever trusted him at all.
Well (well), starve
He doesn’t trust them. He’s starting to wonder if he will ever trust again.
You won't eat me
You hungry, hungry cannibal
I never feed the animals
The Captain is asking for more. And he is so angry and tired. He is about to agree, but then he gets a ping. JARVIS is interrupting their conversation, telling him that there has been a match and he freezes.
He looks up at The Captain, who is staring at him with confusion.
He bares his teeth. In a grin. In a threat. He’s not sure.
He turns from the conversation, ignoring his fathers hero. His fingers flying over keys, to confirm, to ensure. And there. A match. His eyes are bright as he lays eyes on his hero.
He’s safe. And suddenly The Captain is yelling. And he turns to look at him, eyes blazing. A whisper of rage curling around him.
“You do not get to lie, and use, and abuse my kindness. And then get angry at me for finding out the truth.”
Tell me when to drink
Tell me when to eat
Tell me when to smile
Tell me when to breathe
Tell me when I overreact
No, tell me again, please
There is threats of violence, from his fathers hero. Telling him what he needs to do. How he needs to give him the information. How he needs to forgive. How he needs to do this and that and the other.
And instead of reacting to them, Tony just smiles.
“Did you know, Captain. My father talked about you quite often. They were never my favorite stories. You always seemed too... Made up. I figured he was just embellishing. Turns out, he wasn’t. And you’ve always just been so far up your own ass.”
I love being told what to do
But only when I'm told by you
At least, that's what I used to think
But nowadays, I'm on the brink
He shuts down his lab. Refuses to answer The Captain. And instead, makes his own plans. It takes him less than a week to make it to his hero.
It is difficult, to offer help to a man that does not think he deserves it.
But he has much practice in being that person, so he knows the right things to say.
And then, his hero is back. At the tower, but he is being blamed for things he didn’t do.
Tony is enraged, the anger licking at his bones again, and only the steady calm of his workshop stops him from going off the rails. Instead, he compiles the surveillance he had done. Noting a figure, who after some digging, is definitely HYDRA.
It doesn’t take much to pardon the man who is hiding in his tower. Not when he dumps SHIELD’s files, or at least, most of SHIELD’s files. Those that pertain to HYDRA. The others stay secure, perhaps even strengthened, which confuses the director greatly for a while.
I'm no longer blind
I've opened my eyes
It is slow going for a while. Those that had lied to him still live in his tower. But they do not ask for much anymore.
There are no team breakfasts, or dinners, or game nights. At least not with all of them.
And that separation is felt fiercely.
He still does upgrades, technology is still his obsession. And he does not skimp on the protections he offers. But he does not give them out with a grin and explanation of everything they do. They are left quietly, in their own rooms, with a datapad explaining their functions.
It is formal. It is separation. It is the loss he has felt since learning of lies, speared back at them.
To see you as you are
A cannibal disguised
There are days that The Captain wants to argue with him.
About his morals, or his technology, or his choices.
More often than not he stays quiet. Eyebrow raised, hip cocked against a counter or table. Listening to a diatribe against him.
These arguments, though they are one sided at best, draw crowds of others in the tower. Who seem to both want to agree with and fight against The Captain.
You eat away at me
You chew my heart and mind
Tony doesn’t care. He keeps his gaze steady. His heart cold.
He loved Steve Rogers once, even if he was his fathers hero. Because he had been good, and kind, and just.
But now. Now he smiles in the face of The Captains anger. Especially when he sees his hero slinking in the background, rolling his eyes at his once best friend.
But now, I'm off the menu
Find someone else to dine
“Cap. Frankly, I don’t care about what you think about my morals. Or my technology. Or whatever else it is you feel like pointing out today. If you are unhappy. Get the fuck out. I’m sick and tired of being accosted by the fucking morality police, when I’m simply trying to get myself a coffee in my own goddamned home.”
There is a brief moment of stuttered silence, as The Captain takes in the wall. The wall he had not realized has formed. The wall he had forgotten about after his lies. After he was reunited with his friend. After Tony made sure they were reunited. It is enough to flicker the fight in him, and then he is gone from the room and all Tony can do is sigh heavily and grab his now finished coffee.
You won't eat me
You hungry, hungry cannibal
It doesn’t take long for things to calm down in the tower once more. Apparently a long chat from his hero to his fathers hero is in order. Because eventually The Captain apologizes.
He seems sheepish, and he basically runs once he is finished. But Tony can’t find it in himself to hold onto the anger in his bones.
I never feed the animals
His hero is recovering now. And seems to spend a lot of his time in Tony’s workshop with him.
A new arm is in the works, while the man undergoes the technological marvel that helps him differentiate the spaces in his mind. Tony assumes once the arm is finished he will be left once more.
But the man always brings him lunch, and coffee, and if it’s late, a milky tea that makes him actually want to sleep.
You won't eat me
It isn’t better all at once. It starts small, with breakfasts. A movie night. A shared conversation after a battle.
You hungry, hungry cannibal
The tower is alive with people. And he keeps himself mostly in the workshop, but more often his hero is dragging him out. To see the sun. The talk to his friends.
And it is a shock to be reminded that they were once friends, and that they can be again.
I never feed the animals
Once the arm is complete, he expects his hero to stop visiting him.
He is surprised with baked goods and a small section of his workshop being taken over by the man.
You won't eat me
You hungry, hungry cannibal
It is not easy to trust again. Not with the life he has led. But, he does. And in doing so realizes that none of them are very good at it. Their pasts all shaded with betrayal and pain.
I never feed the animals
He feels like he has a family again. And it is a comfort. A comfort he is not used to or prepared for.
You won't eat me
You hungry, hungry cannibal
And when the next threat shows up. The next battle to be fought. He is glad to be fighting it with them. With his family.
I never feed the animals
And when his hero smiles at him, he feels himself breath.
He has a home. He has a family.
And he has his hero.