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“No you don’t get it. Percy Jackson is a LEGEND.” Felipe said, completely serious. “I’ve only been here a year, and I still don’t know his full track record. But from what I’ve heard, the gods offered him immortality - and he turned it down.”
Jason and Leo’s eyebrows shot up. Piper’s jaw dropped. “No way.”
“Oh we’re talking about Percy?” Mason leaned over from across the table. “I got one - Percy Jackson once got so angry at a monster, he blew up it’s home - Mt. St. Helen.”
Leo leaned back from his cabinmate in surprise. He glanced at Jason. “Ever done anything like that, Sparky?”
Jason shrugged. “Not that I can recall.”
“It’s likely that you have. You just can’t remember your stories, and everyone here’s been around to hear stories about him or see them firsthand.” Nyssa said from the corner. Leo might have become head of the cabin, but after Jake Mason she’d been in the cabin the longest and when it came to camp history, her words still carried weight.
“Thank you Cabin elder.” Leo mock-bowed.
Harley, eyes starry, piped up. “What’s something YOU remember about Percy, Nyssa? Tell us something we don’t know!”
Nyssa screwed her head up. “I mean, I don’t know what everyone here knows, but…”
She kept thinking. Leo appreciated that - but while she was thinking, his brain had already thought of many more thoughts, and he couldn’t not share them. “See Jason, even though we know you’ve fought a Trojan sea monster and all, you’ve lost most of your memories, so that means we have no fun stuff to hear about from you.”
“We’ll make some new stories.” Piper shrugged. “There was that time we had to rescue Buford.”
Leo face-palmed as his cabin mates cackled. “Don’t remind me.”
“Didn’t you just say the week before that you thought Buford might sneak out?” Jake Mason laughed while tearing into a Hawaiian roll. He tossed one over to Leo.
Leo caught it. “Yeah, everything I say somehow comes true. Hey Rachel! I’m coming for your job!”
Rachel looked over her shoulder and flipped him off. Once the laughing died down, Leo piped up again. “You’re making this guy sound like Chuck Norris honestly.”
“Who’s Chuck Norris?” Jason said. The entire table looked at Jason, aghast.
“The Romans have failed you.” Mason said. Leo nodded in agreement.
“Barbarians.”
“Uncivilized.”
“That’s a great way to begin inter-camp diplomacy.” Piper snarked. As the table kept laughing, she smiled up at Jason. “Chuck Norris is an old martial arts movie star. At some point, people started telling jokes about him being so strong or powerful he could do impossible things.”
“We’re talking Chuck Norris?” Sherman yelled from the Ares table. “That’s my guy! Chuck Norris doesn’t do push-ups, he pushes the Earth DOWN.”
“Chuck Norris uses a lion for a computer mouse.”
“Chuck Norris ran around the world and punched himself in the back of his head!”
Mark, Grant, and Sherman all high-fived each other before getting smacked by Clarrisse. She didn’t even stop drinking her protein shake until she sat down, glowering at her cabinmates before turning back to Piper.
“Thanks. Now you’ve not only gotten them started, but you’re comparing Jackson to Chuck Norris. He’s good, but he’s not that good.”
“But didn’t he beat our dad in single combat?” LaToya Little, the newest member of Ares cabin with midnight-dark skin and two lost front teeth, was only 6 years old, and couldn’t be blamed for not reading the room.
Clarisse looked at her before heaving a breath. “He did fight our father in single combat, sweetie, but we don’t talk about it because it’s dishonorable.”
“Why’d you slap us and not her?” Grant yelled.
“Because she’s cute as a button, and you’re a dope!” Clarissed pointed her finger at him as LaToya giggled.
Piper’s jaw was scraping the table and Leo was just staring straight ahead. “He fought a god?”
“When he was 12.”
“WHEN HE WAS 12?”
“Okay, I’m sorry Clarisse, but if that isn’t a reason to make Chuck Norris jokes about Percy Jackson, I don’t know what is.” Leo said. “Next thing you’re gonna tell me is that Percy Jackson should have died, but he didn’t because Death was too scared to hold a funeral.”
“Wait didn’t he do that for real?”
Nyssa snapped her fingers. “That’s one! We held a funeral for him, and he showed up in the middle of it.”
“That was after blowing up Mt. St. Helen, right?” Grant said. At this point, every other table in the pavilion had gone quiet to listen in, so Grant didn’t have to yell anymore.
“Yep.” Jake Mason confirmed. “2 weeks and no word, we thought he was dead. Annabeth and other people wove this classy green shroud in honor of him. Right after they light it on fire, dude walks in without a scratch on him.”
The pavilion exploded with reaction. Chiron had to bang his hooves four times before anyone heard him.
***
Before dinner, it had already become a running joke. It spread the quickest among the younger new campers, who at ages 10-12 were at the perfect age for Chuck Norris. The fact that they had someone in their own camp who’d actually done legendary things for real just made it even better.
“Percy Jackson’s so powerful, he once turned into a hurricane!” Wesley from Demeter cabin said as he met his friends at archery.
“I heard he’s so strong, he once held up THE SKY.” Carter from Aeolus Cabin said, punching his hands together for emphasis.
“I heard he once fought a whole army of the undead and only came out with a scratch!” Rishard from Apollo Cabin yelled. His friends jumped around at this newest story until an older voice shut them down.
“That wasn’t what happened.”
All the boys turned and saw Nico di Angelo, sitting as his boyfriend Will Solace bandaged up his shoulder. “I was there. He’d just gotten Achille’s curse - so there’s no way he got a scratch.”
“Why not???”
“Because Achilles’ curse makes you invulnerable. When he fought my father’s undead army, there was no way he would have had a scratch at all.”
That alone led to 3 more Percy Jackson jokes by dinnertime.
***
Slightly older campers were the next demographic it spread to. They liked to pretend they had nuanced, mature senses of humor, or had heard all the stories about Percy Jackson. However, most of these campers were between 13-15 years old, and as such, none of them were above funny jokes or new gossip.
“Percy Jackson killed the Minotaur with no weapon. He snapped off its HORN and used THAT.” Marco snapped his fingers.
“Percy Jackson met every one of the Big 12 and most of the other gods as well.” Grace Tran held twirled her fingers. They were sitting on the Apollo cabin doorstep as campers walked in between activities and their cabins, and a good twirl was faster then pointing at each cabin.
Cynthia clapped her hands together. “That’s nothing. I heard his godly parent? Poseidon? Says Percy is his FAVORITE kid.”
“BS!” Sherman shouted as he walked by. “Tell stuff that actually happened!”
Marco yelled back. “Look, just cause yours hasn’t said anything like that…”
“SHUT UP!” Sherman slammed the door. Clarisse looked at him. He sighed.
“I mean, they’re not wrong…”
***
“At this point, people are just telling them as random jokes. Travis and Connor really got invested in it.” Juniper said bemusedly to Grover as they sat down for dinner. “Are these really jokes humans tell about Chuck Norris in the real world?”
“At this point, yeah.” Grover said. “I’ve been through enough schools looking for kids to have heard most Chuck Norris jokes. What Percy jokes did you hear today?”
Juniper took out a notepad Pollux had given her and pulled on a list.
Grover watched the list fall to the floor. He blinked.
“Percy Jackson once used Charybdis as to make hummus…”
***
Even the older campers couldn’t help but get it on the action. At first, it was just seeing who had the better story.
“Percy told his old teacher to eat his gym shorts.”
“Percy got struck by lightning and didn’t even break a sweat.”
“Percy Jackson once captained a pirate ship without needing any crew.”
“Percy Jackson was on a team by himself in Capture The Flag and won.”
“Percy Jackson wore the Nemean Lion’s skin as a coat. Then he threw it away because it wasn’t his style.”
“Percy blew up like 5 schools AND the St. Louis Arch.”
“Percy was wanted by the FBI.”
“Percy’s basically sea royalty!!!”
“Percy fought a Titan and WON. TWICE.”
This was how Victor and Victoria, twins who were unclaimed but later found out to be children of Nike, normally talked. They find something, they fight over it, they stop, they repeat.
This time it was Victor’s turn.
“Percy Jackson soaked Clarisse with toilet water his first day at camp.”
Clarisse got up and zapped both campers. Grunting, she sat down and took a big bite out of her burger.
Eventually she noticed LaToya looking at her every-so-often with big curious eyes.
“…he did. And then I pummeled him the next day in training. Don’t ask any more.”
LaToya grinned, nodded, and lifted her pinky finger up for a pinky swear with her Head Counselor.
***
“…Percy sleeps with a pillow under his sword…”
“…monsters use the Mist to hide from Percy…”
“…Greek dragons don’t have wings. They used to, before Percy…”
***
When the Cyclops battalion stopped off to do some voluntary work on the Argo II, several campers realized that as his brother, Tyson would know things others didn’t.
“Percy Jackson has a cyclops for a brother! That’s why they’re visiting, right?”
Nyssa nodded at Dominique’s question. “Yeah, he’s over there. Tyson!”
Tyson looked over and raised a hand in greeting as he took another bite of his sandwich. Dominique rushed over before Nyssa could stop her.
“You’re his brother!!! General Tyson of the Peanut Butter Battalion?!?!”
Tyson nodded as he chewed.
Domonique clapped her hands excitedly. “Omigod! Wait! No! Then that means - tell me - my brother said ‘Percy Jackson once killed his own half-brother’! You’re his half-brother though, right?? He didn’t kill you, did he??”
Tyson was right in the middle of his peanut butter sandwich, so he looked at Nyssa. She looked back at him.
“Wait, yeah!” Katie said. She was bringing in vegetarian snacks for Annabeth on orders from Piper. “Grover told me! It was that time in the labyrinth with the arena and the giant, right?”
“Yes! Tyson said, most of his sandwich now chewed. “He was the son of Dad and Gaia, and made of sand as long as he stood on dirt! So Percy picked him up and sliced him, and all the dirt fell on the floor, and we won!”
Dominique squealed again and shot out to tell her friends. Nyssa yelled after her to bring back more snacks if she was going to leave.
***
“…When monsters attack Percy, they have to ask permission first…”
“…Hercules did 12 labors because Percy did 13…”
“…When Percy dives into the water, he doesn’t get wet - the water gets Percied…”
***
“Did Percy Jackson once win a staring contest with you?”
Argus looked at the child of Demeter, who seemed completely willing to believe the statement. After a minute of thinking, Argus nodded.
The kid shot off to tell her friends, and Chiron side-eyed Argus.
“Bored this summer are we?”
Argus’s shoulders bounced up and down in a laugh.
***
“…Percy’s been to the Underworld so much he has a VIP parking space…”
“…Percy got mad when he was a kid and that’s why the 2004 tsunami happened…”
“…Steam goes up because it’s afraid of Percy Jackson…”
***
“Percy Jackson? He’s not done anything special at all.”
Castor looked at his dad, and his dad looked back at him before continuing to eat his steak and red-colored Diet Coke.
Later, they both meant up on the porch for pinochle. Chiron hadn’t arrived yet.
Dionysus turned to his favorite mortal son and said “Peter Johnson on the other hand…Peter Johnson told every god to their faces that they weren’t doing a good enough job taking care of their children, and got away with it.”
Castor grinned.
***
“…Percy was bitten by the Python, and the Python died…”
“…Percy went back in time and axe-kicked the Titanic…”
“…Percy doesn’t go monster hunting, because hunting implies that he misses some of them…“
***
“Percy Jackson once had Annabeth, the Oracle, and a Titan all crushing on him at the same time. TELL ME that isn’t player material, dude.”
“Kris, just cause I’m a guy doesn’t mean I’m gonna care about how many girls had crushes on him!” Mickie said. “You’re a lesbian and I’m straight, but that doesn’t mean I’m into being all mysogynistic like that.”
“Sorry. But it’s still true!” Kris said. Piper smiled at her little cousins - Mitchell’s work on conflict resolution had done wonders. Now it looked like she could walk to the head counselors meeting without having to resolve anything.
“Can’t argue with that. Our own mother thought he was flawless.” Drew said as she checked out her bob cut.
Dominique, the most excitable daughter of Hephaestus, squealed. “I heard he has 2 riding animals, AND a silver Prius!”
“I heard his hair’s insured for ten thousand dollars.”
The moment the words left Piper’s mouth, she snorted. She hadn’t meant to, but the comments had reminded her, and now she couldn’t stop herself from laughing. Leo, Katie, the Stolls, and other head counselors were in the same boat, and in between laughs they each got a turn.
“I hear he does TV commericials. For Hephaestus.” Katie said.
“His favorite movie is Varsity BLUES.” Will Solace laughed.
“One time he met Calypso on an island.” Connor said. He looked at his brother, who looked right back indignantly. Telling jokes for Travis was one thing, but movie quotes?
…he cracked. “And Calypso told him HE was pretty.”
“One time he strangled me in the neck because I didn’t tell him my dad was going to try and put him in prison.” Nico said. The other head counselors looked at him astonished.
Will Solace put a hand on his shoulder. “And?”
Nico blushed at his boyfriend’s knowing smile. “It was AWESOME.”
The council meeting started 10 minutes late.
***
“…He didn’t get the Achilles Curse - Celestial Bronze is just too scared to cut him…”
“…Percy Jackson cut a Hydra’s head and it divided by two…”
“…Jesus can walk on water, Percy Jackson can walk UNDER water.”
“Who’s Jesus?”
“No idea.”
***
Another reason the jokes remained popular through the summer is that you could attach lots of adjectives or qualities to the jokes. New Ares campers might talk about the monsters he killed, but new Aphrodite campers prioritized other things.
Mickie told his newest gossip. “Percy rode past the Sirens for Annabeth, then jumped out and saved her when she broke free.”
“Percy’s tie to his mortal life when he got the Curse of Achilles? Annabeth.” Lacy broke in.
Mitchell raised a hand. “Percy broke out of camp to go save Annabeth when she was kidnapped.”
Valentina gushed. “When Percy saw Aphrodite, SHE looked like ANNABETH.”
Drew shrugged. “Percy could have been made immortal, but he chose to stay human for Annabeth.”
That made the entire cabin silent for a minute.
Then Drew snapped. “And freaking Hunter from Apollo Cabin just says “you’re the only ten-I-see! It’s like, where’s the romance???”
Piper chuckled as her cabin mates collectively vented about the bad dates they’d been asked to.
Jason put his chin on her shoulder and she squeezed his hands around her middle. “Would you stay human for me, sparky?”
“Just in case you forgot, I did fight a giant for you.”
“Hmm, yeah, but that’s only ONE thing. Might have to break up with you now.” Piper pretended to muse.
Jason smirked. “What about the time your mom gave us outfits to make us all look our best, and she gave YOU an outfit change and kept ME in my normal clothes?”
Piper stopped smiling and looked at him with an expression cooler then Khione at the North Pole.
“Dayum.” Leo said from his seat next to them.
Piper looked at him and brandished her hand. “Out of my cabin! You don’t even go here!!!”
***
“…Percy once killed 12 monsters with his sword. Then he took it out of its sheath…”
“…Percy glares at letters on a page and they put themselves in the right order…”
“…Percy Jackson doesn’t take ADHD meds, ADHD take Percy Jackson meds. That’s all I think.”
She scanned the notepad for any new jokes, eventually landing on a page as Grover finished up his mushrooms.
“Polyphemus was tricked by 2 people: Nobody, and Percy Jackson.”
Juniper looked back with an expression of can you believe this. Grover’s brows knit together.
“…actually that one happened in the Sea of Monsters.”
***
“Percy Jackson’s mom is alive and bakes him chocolate chip cookies all the time.”
“That’s not a funny joke.”
“I know. It’s real.”
“…I wanna go call my dad now.”
***
Leo couldn’t help himself to asking Annabeth. There were so many jokes, and everyone possible had been asked - Rachel, Tyson, Grover, even Chiron. But no one had had the combination of being full of curiosity, empty of common sense, and full of bravado from finally finishing the Argo II until tonight.
Annabeth shrugged. This week, energy didn't exist for her. “Lots of them are true. He was really gone for 2 weeks. We all thought he was dead.”
Malcolm hugged her around the shoulders, and the other Athena kids reached out to offer their comfort as well. Everyone with sense knew Annabeth was going through it the hardest, and there’d been lots of conversation from senior campers to younger ones about not pestering her too much.
Piper walked over and squeezed her on the shoulder. “It’s okay Chase. If you want me to shut him and everyone else up, say the word.”
Annabeth looked up at her before a cough sounded and everyone looked toward the head table.
Chiron finished wiping his mouth and looked at the Athena head counselor. “Many of us have known Percy, but many campers have not. I will venture to say that I’ve seen many times when campers found that the more they talked about something, the better they felt. Especially about things they’re afraid of talking about.”
Clarisse nodded - her mom had told her the same thing as a veteran. Annabeth offered Chiron a weak half-smile and took a breath before looking at Jason. “What did you want to know?”
“I’m good.” Jason said. “Unlike Leo, I know how to put a filter on my mouth.”
“He’s a jerk.” Leo said, leaning over to look at Annabeth and pointing at his friend.
Annabeth felt a tug on her t-shirt, and looked at LaToya who’d walked over from the Ares table. “Can, can, can I ask something? Can you tell use something funny he did?”
The pavilion’s entire stock of new campers was doing their best to laser-focus without making it looked like they paid any attention at all. Annabeth chuckled. “Well, I can tell a few stories. But don’t tell him I said any of this or he’s gonna get even more seaweed in his brain when he gets back.”
Jason chuckled.
Annabeth spoke to LaToya in a voice that reached the pavilion. “Percy Jackson is a son of Poseidon. You know how I know?”
The new campers clung to their seats.
“…because water drools out of his mouth when he sleeps.”