Silver Firework

by AJILIY

Summary:

I highly recommend that you turn on this song when reading:Ólafur Arnalds<3055>

It's Sunday. My aunt's family went out play early this morning, leaving me home alone. After breakfast and a shower, I lay bored stiff in bed. Thinking hings from the past, last week I rebelled against my father and knocked him unconscious. Then I was kidnapped by that clown and taken to his lair. where we defeated him. Was he really dead?

Suddenly, more details came to mind… After knocking my father unconscious, I prepared to leave when the clown suddenly appeared in the doorway. He was much taller than my father, completely blocking the doorway. His hand, gloved with silk, gripped my throat. That have been the first time a strange man had touched me; the touch was so smooth and cold, his lips so red. I lost consciousness in a second. In that instant, I felt controlled, but unlike the control my father exerted, I didn't dislike it. When I woke up, I was in his lair, his "home." He was dancing, and I tried to slip away. I'm sure there was something else in my heartbeat besides fear, but that feeling vanished when he lifted me up, the fear and suffocation erasing everything. Then I saw light… A sense of peace and a strange sense of belonging pulled me out of that body.

Hmm… how did he take me there? When I woke up, I didn't feel the pain from the scrapes, so it definitely wasn't dragging. Or teleportation? Like when he suddenly appeared? Did he carry me on his shoulder? Where did he put his hands? On my waist? Or—on my butt? I laughed shyly. Or, would he carry me, holding me in his arms like a baby? God… being held in the arms of a strange man while sleeping? I covered my blushing face and giggled, rolling around on the bed. This is so embarrassing! But no one's home today… no problem, I can do something a little bolder.

I got up and jumped out of bed, closed the small window and curtains, and locked the door. Then I took off my jeans and underwear, and then my shirt. I went to the dressing mirror and saw my budding breasts slightly protruding. I put my fingers on my neck, closed my eyes, and tried to mimic his grip, but it wasn't cold enough, and it wasn't big enough. His hands were large and cold, much larger than an average man's, lifting me as easily as picking up a chick①. His strength… his temperature… his… smile… My fingers involuntarily moved downwards, gently caressing that area. I let out a soft moan and lay back down on the bed.

This isn't right, this isn't right! You shouldn't feel this way about a monster who wants to kill you. but it just happened. I guess I'm going crazy. He was the first man who didn't look at me or touch me with that disgusting look, which made him less repulsive. Even though he had another thought about me—wanting to kill me. But anyway, he's already dead, killed by us. So I can think these things without worrying about anyone knowing. I couldn't help but laugh out loud. My whole body was hot right now, especially down there. I lay on my back, squeezing my thighs together, rubbing them, a tingling sensation gradually rising within me. I was carried to his house by a strange man, and I just fell asleep like that. Before I woke up, did he do anything to me? The thought made me even more blushed, and the sensation in my lower body intensified.
"Mmm…" I moaned softly, feeling like something was missing.

I focused intently, carefully recalling everything about him, from the whispers in the sewers to the final moment we defeated him—he seemed to be able to read our minds. Luckily he's dead! Fortunately he's dead! We killed him, otherwise I can't even imagine what would happen if he could read my mind right now!

My upbringing wasn't happy; it was downright repressive. Not just my father, but every older man I encountered looked at me with those filthy eyes…every single one! Every single one! Without exception! But he was different! He wasn't human, so he wouldn't have those thoughts…even though I felt murderous intent towards him, not lust, haha, that's why I harbored inappropriate desires for him. When I knocked my father unconscious, I was thrilled. I had defeated him, I had conquered my fear! I excitedly and nervously prepared to leave—but then you appeared.

When you silently revealed your imposing figure, when your eyes, like molten gold, looked at me, when your large, cool hand grasped my neck, in that instant, I was drawn to you, my heart stirred. You are much taller than my father, your hands are bigger than his, your strength is beyond human capabilities… You are there, displaying yourself, and I see you,I feel you. 

What is this? Worship? Submission? Oedipus complex? Or is it just primal, natural hormones at work? I put the pillow behind my head between my legs, stood on tiptoe, and squeezed it tightly between my knees. Perhaps none of those reasons are correct; perhaps I'm just hypnotized by you, perhaps it's just a thought you planted in my mind. You skillfully manipulate my thoughts, and I accept it half willing and half unwilling. Or perhaps every single one is correct. Is this love? "No, this isn't!" It can't be either! "Ah—" I close together my fingers together, quickly stroking my vulva a few times, and cried out. But whether it is or not, it has happened! What can I do? If this twisted obsession was truly planted by you, and I can't resist it or shake it off. The fault wasn't mine… but today, the seventh day you were forced into a deep sleep, I let this tiny seed② grow wildly into a thorny vine bursting forth. The responsibility isn't yours…

"Mmm… Pennywise, touch me," my left hand roamed over my body, my index finger and thumb twist my nipples like pomegranate seeds being separated from their ovary.

My right hand continued its rhythm between my legs. My knees were pressed together clamp the pillow between it like your arm, your forearm.afraid you'd tear me apart and trying to stop you, yet afraid you'd desdain me and try to hold you take back… I pretended my hands were your hands, but they weren't. They weren't big enough, cold enough, strong enough, or dangerous enough. They could bring pleasure but couldn't truly satisfy…

Then I lost consciousness… You took me away from that oppressive environment, that cage unworthy of being called home. Like a valiant knight rescuing a princessfrom a dragon… "Oh, God, forgive me." Forgive me for distorting reality, forgive me for self-deception. Forgive me for disguising the Grim Reaper who came to claim my life as the Savior… I closed my eyes tightly, yet tears still stream′ed down myface in shame. That word 'god' refers to Jesus, and also to you. In that instant, you were like a god, personally welcoming an angel who had completed her mission and bringing her home.

If he weren't asleep right now, and he could feel me,what would he think? Would he be angry that I treated him like a subject of my erotic dream? Would he laugh at me for my uncontrollable lust? Would he despise me for acting like a harlot seeking a client from a complete stranger? Or…would he praise me? “You're a shameless lewd girl, but I like it.” A flutter rose in my chest for this . Would he…like me? “Oh…God, Pennywise…” I imagined him saying those words, and m一y fingertips changed direction, from rubbing along the crease to gently flicking horizontally.

I hope he likes me…
…I want you to like me!

“Mmm…mmm…” Of course, I mean the kind of liking you have for an adult. Even if you don't like it, please don't hate me. My eyes were closed, but tears were already welling up. My nails gently touched the tender bud breaking through the soil, making it tremble along with the earth beneath. I moaned. I fantasized about you kissing me, kissing my lips like eating a grape. I fantasize about you licking my entire body just because I deliberately dripped melted ice cream on myself, about your behemoth between your legs rubbing against me through the densely  weave  silk fabric…

“Oh, Pennywise…”

Wait, is he a living being? Does he have a penis or genitals? Does he have sex? Does he have a heat cycle? Does he choose a mate? Does he court? Like a bird of paradise? A series of questions floated into my mind like bubbles in a soda. I wanted to know the answers to each question, imagining every possibility for each one. Then I thought of waking up in the sewers and seeing you dancing on stage…

“Oh, no!” I laughed shyly. Was that a courtship dance? Were you courtship to me? No, no! I knew the answer, but the thought still amused me. I chuckled. Do you have sex? How many people have you been with? What does your penis look like? Like a normal man's? Or like a grotesque octopus tentacle? Covered in suckers or spikes? If I had the chance, I probably would really look for the answers. It's a pity I didn't have the chance, and thankfully I didn't. That's why I can so freely and recklessly imagine every possibility—for my selfish and lewd desires.

My left hand kneaded my breasts that has just develop not long ago , a tingling, full sensation spreading through them. I let out a short sigh, kneading them with the tips of my index finger and thumb to intensify the electric-like pleasure. Meanwhile, my right hand had become a wet, muddy swamp. "Ah…that's it…" Would you like them? I know you like to eat children's flesh, but do you prefer flat, mound-like breasts? Or the full, round breasts of a mature woman?

“Pennywise…sir…fa-A!-faster!”

What kind of partner do you prefer? Shy or wanton? I kicked the pillow away and twisted my legs wildly.

“sir…eH—MAS-MASTER!”

Have you ever made love? What were you like when you made love? Fierce? Or gentle?… My toes curled up. I gripped the sheets tightly. My eyebrows furrowed. My expression seemed painful yet urgent.

“Give me now! Please!A—A—”

My moans gradually rose in pitch, then became thinner. I imagined it was your tongue, not my own hand. I thrust my hips forward, bringing it to your mouth, and then the muscles in my lower abdomen and groin spasmed in waves. I imagined you, with your usual smile, nestled between my legs, licking my melting fluids with your long tongue like melting ice cream, your eyes fixed on me. Suddenly, the light shne from your eyes , like a traffic light signaling permission. I climaxed almost instantly, so quickly and fiercely.

My hips rose and fell in the air, my inner thighs cramping. My head tilted back, emitting a silent yell. My hands appress and grip the sheets tightly, as if I would be swept away by the waves of pleasure if I didn't. I called your name in my heart again and again.

Pennywise—Pennywise—Pennywise—…

Perhaps my friend could have killed you to extinguish that fleeting and sinful thought. But before that, you ended it yourself. A momentary infatuation, beginning with you and ending with you. Its life was shorter than a mayfly. Its life was more fragile than a withered leaf. When you appeared in that familiar prison, it was like a ray of light shining into a quagmire, illuminating my heart. And when you grabbed my throat and lifted me up… the pain and suffocation extinguished any budding feelings, like scissors cutting down a seedling. Thenyou released light… enough to soothe my fear. I felt peace and tranquility, just as I feel this moment.

I collapsed onto the bed, tears streaming down my face. My hair, soaked with sweat, clung to my forehead; my whole body was drenched. My heartbeat and breathing gradually calmed. Beneath my hip lay a newly created swamp. I felt both satisfied and weary. The tide of desire receded along with the burning love, revealing a soaked rationality and reality. Along with it came sorrow and emptiness. I rolled over curled up and hugged myself tightly. Still didn't open eyes.

There was a girl who longed for you，transient and sincerely longing for your response. Just as you intently and shrewdly longed for your prey. But you will never know any of this. Nor will I let you know. My pride  and my friends, my identity as a human being, would not allow it. But to me, this forbidden feeling you gave me was like fireworks in the night sky.Stunning the beautiful and breathtaking, then fleeting… like a cruel act of charity. I wiped away my tears with a bitter smile.？

 If only I want hold you tight, kiss you, and tell you myself what inappropriate thoughts I harbor about you. But I dare not, and I cannot. You are a monster who knows only killing and destruction, while I am but an ordinary human; you cannot comprehend feelings beyond fear.as  I cannot bear the cost of any adventure. So be it. Forget this insignificant prey in your long life, just as I will eventually forget today's inlgence.

You  asleep, Luckily asleep, Fortunately asleep
Goodbye Pennywise.

Notes:

I didn't watch the movie seriously when I wrote it. I thought my aunt's house was also in Derry,Please ignore this logical error.