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A weekend retreat, they said.
It’ll be fun, they said.
…Hah.
If there’s one thing I knew, it’s that for someone like me, something marketed as calm and relaxing will always end up turning into something dreadful.
The cruise ship was nice, yes, but it was perhaps too nice.
The first night on this horrifyingly normal vacation passed without incident, but it just meant that I was storing up my bad luck for something bigger than usual.
And, of course, the cabin I was given came filled with magical gadgets as well as many objects that I left behind in my room.
It seems I can’t be parted with them for too long.
One such was the Bloodbath, which Braun was all too happy about.
- Please, Friend! For vacation!
When asked so directly and earnestly, I couldn’t argue.
“Let’s go back to the room, then, and we’ll give you a bath.”
I patted the pink bear that sat tucked in my shirt pocket as I walked down the long hallway.
- But what should we use as aromatic effect, Friend?
“What a weird thing to call blood.”
In my pocket, I could imagine the small plush wiggling with excitement.
When we got to my room, I unlocked the door with the keycard I was given and stepped inside. On the desk, sat a rusty tin case. Inside sat three cookies and a small drink—long gone in the real world, but in here, they were back. I couldn’t begin to imagine why I would need them.
“Hey, Braun, were these here before?”
I couldn’t remember. How odd. As much as I searched my memory, all I could remember was that I was given some items and that I left them in the room before I went to wander around the shops.
- Oho, I would not mind the drink as my bathwater! It is really the perfect amount.
“Does this count as blood?”
Don’t think I didn’t notice that he avoided the question. But maybe he was unsure and didn’t want to embarrass himself.
Perhaps it was the vacation that was clouding my mind.
I took the bathtub down from where it sat high up on a shelf and set the plush doll next to it.
Oh well…it was vacation. If I could indulge, it would be rude not to let my friend do the same.
With a sigh, I poured warm water from the sink into the tub, enough so that Braun could sit comfortably.
“This will double your effects temporarily. But what does that mean, Braun?”
- Oh, Friend, you will just have to wait and see!
Fine.
With another sigh, I poured out some of the liquid from the cup, and it bubbled ominously as it came into contact with the water. Almost immediately, the bathwater turned a shimmering light blue, not at all like the red from the previous times we’ve activated the bath.
“Braun, are you sure this won’t stain your fabric? I would hate to have to put you in the washing machine…”
If his bright pink turned purple or blue, it would make him more scary.
- Do not fear, Friend! This is absolutely perfect!
He laughed, bright and echoing. Obligingly, I turned my head away.
Thump.
Thump.
Thump.
I heard water lapping at the edge of the bathtub, then a soft sigh.
- You can look now.
Braun was floating in the bathtub, his small body spinning gently. The water had soaked him thoroughly, but he seemed to still be pink.
Thank god.
I began to clean up, putting the drink container back into the rusty tin case. There was half of it left—maybe it would be useful another time.
- Mr. Roe Deer?
Braun’s voice was uncertain, so I turned to look, the tin in my arms.
The bathtub lay on its side on the desk. How I didn’t hear it was beyond me, but there was something way worse that caught my attention immediately.
Braun, who used to fit into my pocket, was now the size of one of those gigantic carnival stuffed animal prizes!
…
I ended up carrying him around on my back.
Delighted, he would point out things that he could see now that he was taller, and he didn’t seem to care that all of the other vacationers were staring at us.
- I can see the top of the cabinets! How dusty!
I wanted to put my head against a wall and stay there.
- I can see out of the windows now!
A pause as I let him look, and indeed, the ocean was stretched before us, endless and grey.
- How big it is. We must go look, Friend.
And so I took him up to the highest story of the ship, where the wind ruffled our hair.
Well, my hair and Braun’s fur, but it was the same effect.
Here, there were many children with their parents, and one child shrieked with delight and pointed to Braun.
- Oh, I’m a celebrity up here! Yes, bow down to me!
I quickly took him away from the children, and we found ourselves looking at a very elaborate water slide. The colored plastic looked all too flimsy, and it stretched off the edge of the cruise ship before looping back into the pool.
Somehow, I could feel Braun’s interest, and it was not a good feeling.
Why did this have to happen to me? On vacation, too…
- Mr. Roe Deer…
No, don’t say it, don’t say it!
- I think I would like to go on the water slide!
…
“You are a stuffed animal.”
It didn’t matter. He was all too eager to direct me up the ladder.
“Hmm…”
The lifeguard at the top didn’t look excited.
“You want to put the stuffed animal on the water slide?”
Of course Braun would make me seem crazy!
“Yes, sir.”
The lifeguard seemed too tired to argue. Minimum wage jobs, I guess…
With a bored expression, he took Bran from me and set him on a round sled. He slouched over but stayed on, completely dry.
- Friend, isn’t this exciting? It’s like I’m experiencing life once again!
I chose not to answer, and together the lifeguard and I stood and watched Braun slide away.
The water swirled around, and it was easy to see him travel down the plastic pipes, the pink body a beacon in the bright midday sun.
- Look! I’m above the water!
I’m looking, I’m looking…
I was looking when the sled slid to a stop, right in the middle of one of the loops.
Just my luck. It was over the open ocean.
The lifeguard looked at me with cold eyes. “You’re going in to save it.”
Fine, fine…
He gave me another sled and I got on, trying to hide my apprehension.
Trusting a piece of plastic to support me over the water, hundreds of feet in the air? Am I crazy?
Meanwhile, Braun was having a great time.
- Look! I can see dolphins!
I couldn’t look down…I guess being a gigantic stuffed teddy bear that also doubled as an all powerful eldritch being means you weren’t afraid of heights.
The water slide moved fast, and before I knew it, I could reach out and grab Braun.
Except…he wasn’t just stuck because he was too light.
- Friend, I seem to be too big for the tunnel!
No need to sound so delighted…
I tugged and tugged, but he didn’t budge…
- Be careful with my arms! I’m not as young as I used to be!
“Sorry, sorry…”
It was hopeless. The lifeguard looked on, just a tiny speck in the distance, and as I watched, he sat down on his stool.
Utterly useless.
Out of all the horrible things to happen, this had to happen in reality! Not even a ghost story could protect me from such an outcome.
Suddenly, I remembered the Alice Picnic Set. Had I put the tin away? No, it was in my pocket!
“Braun…I think this item is following me.”
- Get me out! I want to keep going down the water slide!
How impatient…
“Braun.”
- Yes, Mr. Roe Deer?
Suddenly he sounded very downhearted.
“Please hold still.”
I wasn’t quite sure how it would work…so I carefully unwrapped a cookie and closed my eyes.
Please, take it!
Since Braun is, technically, an item…surely he would go back down to his normal size or at least get smaller!
The small weight in my hands vanished. Even so, I didn’t open my eyes.
There was no sound at all, not even the water rushing underneath us. Then…
A small, dejected voice.
- You may look, now.
Braun was back to his normal size, but he was sopping wet!
How did this happen…?
- Please, Mr. Roe Deer…
He sounded so pathetic, my heart ached.
- Take me to a drying machine…
I sighed, and scooped up the soggy stuffed animal in my hands, and we slid the rest of the way down the water slide. Braun was sopping wet, and the feeling was quite unpleasant, although I didn’t let it show on my face.
I didn’t want Braun to know and be hurt! His feelings were already sad from the water slide.
Finally, we stepped off the water slide, and I put the two sleds on the rack nearby.
“Huu…”
- The drying machines, please! My fur is a mess!
…I’m glad he regained his chipper demeanor, but I vowed to never let him go on a water slide again.