Chapter Text
Chapter 1
Judd, Paul and TK were sitting in the common space, close together taking comfort in each other’s presence. But alone, off to the side, Nancy was staring blankly at nothing, lost in her own head and Marjan’s heart broke to see her that way.
Marjan took one last steadying breath as she finished pouring the tea and placing the mugs on a tray. She brought them around to each of her brothers, giving Mateo one as he came back from his own incident briefing. The last sat on the table, untouched, unnoticed by Nancy.
“This ain’t nobody’s fault.” Judd spoke up, feeling the weight that they were all feeling. Him knowing better than most the weight of losing a brother in the line of duty.
“It was a freak accident.” Marjan spoke up, trying to offer her own comfort to her team. She took the last mug and brought it to Nancy, bringing her out of her daze with a gentle touch to her shoulder as she sat next to the paramedic.
“Why did we leave him there? Why?” Nancy’s voice broke, “We wouldn’t have done that with anyone else.”
“Because,” Captain Strand’s sudden appearance turned everyone’s attention to him, “when one of us gets killed on a call, another house comes in and takes care of it. It’s what we do. It’s protocol.”
“Heroic measures right up to the hospital doors. That’s how we’ve been trained!” Nancy’s voice wavered with emotion, “We don’t call it in the field. We should have stayed and we should’ve been working on him!” She declared.
“There wasn’t enough of him left to work on, Nancy.” Judd spoke up, and Marjan was grateful for their Lieutenant and Captain being able to speak when the rest of them seemed lost.
The Captain called the shift, told them all to go home. One by one everyone else got up, cleaned up, and headed home. But Nancy just stayed seated on that same bench, and Marjan couldn’t bring herself to leave the paramedic alone. So they sat in silence, Marjan holding Nancy’s hand as she cried, as she mourned the loss of her best friend.
It could have been minutes or hours, but Marjan only left once Captain Vega appeared and told her to go home, that she would make sure Nancy got home safely. She was hesitant to go, not realizing that being with Nancy was a comfort to her own mourning heart as much as she was there to be a support for Nancy.
Now she was to go home, back to her quiet apartment where she would be alone. She didn’t often regret moving out to Austin to join the 126, but in that moment, she hated that she was there alone. The 126 was her family here in Austin, and tonight they were all broken, and all left to deal with this loss by themselves.
That night when she crawled into bed, she finally let the tears fall until she fell asleep.
~*~
It was the middle of the night when Marjan was pulled from her sleep by a sound. Her initial instinct was to grumble and snap at whoever dared to disturb the first sleep she had gotten 19 hours into a 24 hour shift. That was until she heard the whimper from the bed next to hers.
She sat up and looked to Nancy asleep in the bed across from her, sweat drenching her head as she tossed and turned, small cries falling from her lips as she did. When she heard Tim’s name fall from the Latina’s lips, Marjan’s heart broke all over again.
It had been two weeks since the volcano, and they all agreed that it was too soon for Nancy to be back. But like the rest of them, she was stubborn and made it clear that she could still do the job. And she had. This was her first shift back, and this was the first sign Marjan had seen that Nancy wasn’t okay.
She quickly pulled her own covers off and knelt down next to Nancy’s bed, giving her shoulder a light squeeze then a shake, “Nancy. Wake up Nance, it’s just a nightmare.” The Latina shot up with a gasp and frantically was looking around until her startled brown eyes landed on Marjan, then quickly filled with tears again as reality came back to her.
“Marj-” Nancy’s voice gave out before she could even say her full name, and Marjan was quick to pull her into her arms and just let her cry. They spent probably twenty minutes like that until the tears stopped and Nancy’s breathing started to even out.
“Does it ever stop hurting?” Nancy finally whispered into Marjan’s shoulder where her head rested.
“Losing someone?” Nancy pulled back and looked into Marjan’s eyes and nodded. “I think the hurt is always there. But with time, it gets easier. Right now it might feel like just breathing is too hard to do without him here, why should we get to live when he doesn’t.” Nancy nodded, fighting another round of tears from falling, and Marjan was quick to wipe at the ones that had already left streaks on freckled cheeks.
“It never stops hurting, you never forget that pain, but you learn to live with it, breathing gets easier as the days go by.” Marjan brushed a sweat dampened strand of hair back behind Nancy’s ear. “It helps if you don’t do it alone. We’re all here for you Nance. Whatever you need, this family’s got you.” the Latina gave her a smile at that, and her head fell back to Marjan’s shoulder.
“I’m sorry I woke you up.”
“Don’t be.”
“I’m so tired, but I’m scared to go back to sleep. Every time I close my eyes, all I can see is Tim, and hear his screams, and I-”
“Shh shh it’s okay. I’ll stay with you okay? Until you’re ready to fall back to sleep.” She placed a light kiss on a sweaty forehead, trying to offer as much comfort as she could.
“Will you stay with me once I fall asleep?” It was a soft whisper, barely even there and if it wasn’t dead silent in the bunk room apart from Paul’s occasional snores, Marjan might have missed it.
“Of course I will. Here, let’s get you a new shirt and we can sleep in my bunk, yours doesn’t seem so comfortable right now.” She watched Nancy grimace slightly as she took in the sweat soaked sheets and her own sweat soaked shirt.
“Okay.”
Marjan made quick work to guide Nancy over to her own bunk and sat her down. She met brown eyes for permission as she lightly gripped the bottom of the t-shirt Nancy wore. With a gentle nod from Nancy, Marjan slowly peeled the shirt away and threw it into the hamper and moved to get a clean shirt, pulling it over the Latina’s head gently.
“There, that’s much better.” She gave a small smile to the woman in her bed, cupping her cheek gently before bringing her into a hug. “You’ll get through this Nance. I’ll make sure of it.” she whispered into her ear before pulling back.
With that final word, Marjan guided Nancy under the covers before climbing in next to her. There was a small space between the two, the only space that the double bed would allow for, but Marjan didn’t want to overstep.
She had only had her eyes closed for thirty seconds when she heard Nancy whisper into the night, “Marjan?”
“Yeah Nance?”
“Can you- Would you-.” the paramedic was lost for words, all it took was one pleading look for Marjan to know what Nancy needed, and she softened.
“Of course, roll over.” The paramedic sighed in relief before rolling onto her side with her back to Marjan. She took a steading breath before she rolled onto her own side and molded herself to Nancy’s back, wrapping an arm around her waist and holding on tight. “I’ve got you Nance. Get some sleep.”
Wrapped around Nancy, it was easy for her to feel the Latina’s breathing even out as she fell back asleep, this time into a peaceful slumber. Her rhythmic breathing and the steady beat of her heart quickly sent Marjan into her own deep sleep.
~*~
Marjan expected to be woken by the klaxon of a call like she was most of the time while on shift at the firehouse. Instead, she woke to the sound of giggles and whispering which was not something she ever wanted to hear first thing in the morning. Especially after a night of some of the best sleep she had ever gotten.
She held back the grumble that she was about to let out when she realized she was still wrapped around Nancy. Wrapped around not even beginning to describe the position they had woken up in. Marjan had her right arm under Nancy’s head, her hand snaking down to be held by Nancy’s own against the Latina’s chest. Her Left hand was still at Nancy’s waist, but had snuck under the Austin FD T-shirt that she had fallen asleep in and was lightly stroking soft skin. Her left leg had also joined the fray and was hauled over Nancy’s hip, and with their height difference, it definitely gave the look of Marjan being a backpack to Nancy as she slept.
A deep blush overcame her as she realized the position they were in, how tightly their bodies were wound together. It only deepened when she remembered the giggling that had woke her up and she lifted her head from where it was pressed into Nancy’s shoulders to see Paul and TK sniggering at something on Paul’s phone.
“Hey!” She whisper yelled to get their attention without waking the woman in her arms. Both their heads snapped up like they had been caught with their hand in the cookie jar. “What are you two giggling about over there, you’re disturbing my beauty sleep.
“Nothing!” TK was quick to say, and she rolled her eyes at his obvious struggle to find a suitable lie.
“Just a video of a koala bear hugging a tree.” Paul said, and she squinted her eyes in suspicion as TK turned to leave the room hiding his laughter with him. “We’ll just leave you to you’re beauty sleep.” Paul was quick to follow him out. She would have chased them, or given them shit, but in her current position, she was stuck just glaring at their retreating backs.
“Why do you need beauty sleep, you’re already the most beautiful person at the firehouse, give the rest of us a fighting chance.” Nancy mumbled into her pillow. And if Marjan thought she had gotten her blush under control, it had definitely flared back to life in an instant at Nancy’s sleep addled words.
“Don’t let Captain Strand hear you say that.” She shot back, quickly covering up what that comment really made her feel with a joke like she usually did.
Nancy just grunted and slowly turned in Marjan’s arms until they were face to face, their noses barely an inch apart. Marjan could feel Nancy’s breath on her lips and her heart skipped a beat. “Thank you. For last night. I didn’t realize how little sleep, I’ve been getting since Tim-”
Marjan’s uneven heartbeat returned to normal given a topic to focus on other than their close proximity and the way their legs were tangled together. “No thanks needed, I’m glad I could help. It did help right? You were able to get some sleep?”
“For the first time since he passed, I didn’t have nightmares about lava balls falling from the sky. So yes, thank you, Marjan, if there is anything you need, ever, I owe you.” Nancy’s honey brown eyes bore into her own and she couldn’t look away from the intensity and pure gratefulness that radiated back at her.
She didn’t know what to say, and everything in her was screaming that the only way she should respond is by kissing the woman in front of her. Before she could even examine that thought closer, or Allah forbid, act on it, the klaxon rang out.
With no time to spare, they sprang apart and did what they did best, leaving all their conversation and whatever feelings Marjan was having back in her bunk to deal with after their call.
~*~
They never ended up speaking about it after the call, or at all for that matter. But three days later when they were both on shift again, in the middle of the night once everyone else had fallen asleep, Marjan felt her bed dip, and Nancy climb in behind her. There was a brief hesitation. She could feel Nancy’s arm hovering above her, could almost hear Nancy’s thoughts as she debated on if she should wrap it around Marjan.
She decided they both needed this. Nancy needed the comfort, and Marjan was starting to realize that she just might need Nancy. Not that she was ready to admit that, or actually do anything about it. But right now at three in the morning after a long first 16 hours on shift, she would let herself give in to that need. She reached out blindly for Nancy’s arm, intertwined their fingers and brought their joint hands to rest on her chest as Nancy relaxed and molded herself to Marjan’s back. She felt their joint exhaled sigh of relief as they gave in to sleep once more.
It became part of their normal routine. Nancy would climb into her bed in the middle of the night once everyone else was asleep, and would be gone back to her own bed again by morning unless they were woken by a call first. No one else made any comment, and they both chose not to talk about it.
A few weeks went by like this until Nancy got her foot run over by one of their trial paramedics. Marjan didn’t realize just how much she had gotten used to their new normal, until Nancy was off for a week and she had to sleep in her bunk alone. She tossed and turned all night, searching desperately for Nancy’s warmth, but never finding it.
The entire team steered clear of her that entire week, noticing quickly just how grumpy and irritable she was. She was quick to defend herself, blaming it on not sleeping well. She chose to ignore the knowing looks TK and Paul gave each other. She chose to ignore that the real reason she wasn’t sleeping well was because Nancy wasn’t next to her.