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It felt blasphemous, but if Thomas was honest with himself, he never liked Christmas.
Well, that wasn’t entirely true. There were lots of things he loved about the Advent season. He enjoyed how the gold of the cathedrals glittered in the candlelight that brightened the long, dark nights. He enjoyed the decorations that came out, most of all the large Christmas tree that lit up St. Peter’s Square, a glistening monolith that twinkled like the stars. He enjoyed seeing his fellow men dress in deep purple, each chasuble decorated by the finest tailors. He enjoyed the nativity scenes and seeing how people dressed the baby Jesus. The birth of his Lord, certainly, was an event to be excited about.
Unfortunately, there was also quite a bit that… didn’t help his mood. While the Mediterranean climate was certainly much more palatable than the English winters of his youth, the cold still made his joints ache and pop. The sun set so early, bathing the world in darkness for long, long hours, even if candles did help light the way a little. He wasn’t one for sweets, and of course every meal seemed to finish with some new cake or biscuit or candy. And, of course, the most stressful part of it all: gifts.
He, of course, wanted to show his appreciation for his friends and colleagues. Social norms dictated that he give gifts at Christmas to show this admiration. The issues with this were: 1) he had to think of a unique gift for all his friends all at the same time, 2) he had known a lot of these men for decades and exhausted gift ideas years ago, and 3) everyone had a vow of poverty, so he couldn’t get anything that stepped outside the realm of ‘understated’. He couldn’t exactly get everyone he knew a rosary. They were priests! Men and women of the cloth! They all had far too many rosaries. It would be seen as the lazy option.
Gift buying was another stressor in his life that he, frankly, didn’t need.
Thomas looked at his hand written list. He had written down the names of all his friends and was slowly coming up with ideas for gifts. He had been staring at the paper for almost thirty minutes and could feel a headache slowly form behind his eyes. The easiest gift to determine was Aldo. They had decided years ago that, instead of gifts, they would treat each other to a dinner at a restaurant of their choosing. It was the only one he didn’t have to think about. Unfortunately, the ease stopped there. He had a gift idea for Ray a while ago… what was it? He closed his eyes and thought back to the month or so when he had his idea and, of course, did not write it down. He would certainly have to get better at that. Ray had told him his cellular phone had an application that where he could take notes. He should really use it some time.
Ah! That was right! A cookbook he saw about baking breads from around the world. He was lucky Ray had recently gotten into baking. It was something he could go off of for a gift.
Next was his brother, who still lived in England. Surely he couldn’t get away with sending a panettone for the fifth year in a row, could he? Maybe he could send wine and biscuits this time. Consumables would always be appreciated.
Agnes was talking to him about wanting… something. He reached into his mind and thought about the last few conversations he shared with her. The spoke about how the sisters were doing… better aprons for the kitchen staff… the sisters who worked in the museum… how tours always seemed to be late… that was it! She complained that there was a scratch on the glass on her watch. She was talking about replacing it with something similar in the new year, but Thomas figured he could buy her a slightly nicer model.
Sabbadin would get… something gardening related. He enjoyed working in the garden… right? He’d give Mandorff… a new fountain pen? Those always went over well. Goffredo would get… He couldn’t think of anything to get Goffredo right now.
Last on his list was… Vincent. Dear Vincent, who’s eyes twinkled like the Christmas lights that gave the Vatican it’s warm glow. Dear Vincent, who gave the brightest smile when he saw the plans for this years nativity scene. Dear Vincent, who confided in Thomas that his Christmas homily was going to be about welcoming the downtrodden, a reminder to not be like those who did not welcome Mary and Joseph.
Thomas had to get something perfect for Vincent. Not just because he was the Pope, no, because, well… Vincent had come to be more than a supervisor or fellow Cardinal. He breathed a new life into Thomas, one he had previously completely given up on. He helped Thomas find the joy in the small wonders of the world. He prayed with Thomas and Thomas felt the warmth of God next to Vincent. Vincent was his closest ally, a comforting presence, and a dear friend. If Thomas was honest with himself, he wondered if he gave it the chance, his heart would run away to Vincent. It wasn’t right to just get him any old Christmas gift. He had to think of something special, something perfect.
… But what?
Thomas ran through a number of things but… his mind turned up blank. Vincent was the Pope. He lived modestly compared to other Popes, but he still could have almost anything he wanted. What could Thomas give him that matched the love he felt?
The headache was full blown by this point. Thomas groaned and tossed his pen and the list on his desk. He needed more time to think about this. He needed to think of something perfect.
He decided that Goffredo would get a rosary this year.
~
There was no practical reason for Thomas and Aldo to watch the holiday lights go up in St. Peter’s Square. They weren’t supervising (much to Thomas’ relief) and they didn’t have any say in the decorations. Still, there was something so compelling about watching the men and women go up in cranes and move trucks around. Every year, they would stand and watch the operation for at least an hour, simply observing everything happen around them. Aldo once called it the boyish impulse to play with construction equipment. Thomas called it an effect of aging in Italy amongst other men of their years.
This year proved to be beautiful, if Thomas’ imagination painted an accurate picture. Lights would drape the columns and facades like soft fabric. They shimmed and glistened like falling stars, promising to bathe the Vatican in a warm, nostalgic glow. The hanging points of the lights were disguised with large ribbon bows of red, green, and gold. They wrapped the Vatican up like an elegant present.
“Are they going to do the holly this year?” Thomas asked Aldo.
The man shrugged. “To my knowledge, not up top. His Holiness expressed to me that he wished for simpler decorations this year. Humility and all that, you know. Reverence for the Child.” He waved his hand around to emphasize his point, but then returned to his previous position: slightly hunched over with his hands behind his back.
Thomas nodded, looking around. He enjoyed the garlands of holly, but he understood the desire to not appear garish. Vincent often privately expressed his distain at the opulent displays of wealth at the Vatican, especially in comparison to the budgets of the ministries that helped feed the hungry and heal the sick. His main focus as Pope thus far had been on supporting these ministries. It made Thomas smile when he thought about it. To know a Pope that truly cared about what really mattered was a wonderful thought. Apparently, this extended to the Christmas decorations.
“That will be nice. I’ve always liked the simpler decorations,” Thomas mused.
Aldo hummed in agreement. “I do hope they do the poinsettia, however. I love the poinsettia.” Thomas nodded at the statement.
A little thought came into Thomas’ mind, less because something prompted it, but more because it has been in his mind all week. He turned once again to Aldo to face him. “What are you getting Innocent for Christmas?”
Aldo turned to face Thomas, raising an eyebrow. He shrugged. “I haven’t thought about it. Probably something small. He doesn’t seem like the type to be interested in grand gifts.”
“Ah, yes. Certainly not a rosary, right?” Thomas hummed. Aldo hummed in agreement. The two men turned back to the scene in front of them, the conversation reaching what could have been a natural stopping point. Thomas waited a few seconds, mind still turning.
“A scarf, perhaps?” Thomas mused to Aldo. “I’m not sure how cold Rome is in comparison to Kabul.”
Aldo looked back at Thomas, brow furrowed. “He has standard issued scarves. Besides, I’m fairly certain he’s had about a hundred Mexico National Team scarves thrown at him since he took office.” Thomas made another hum of acknowledgment. Aldo was right. A scarf wouldn’t be personal anyway. He had to think of something else. The two men looked away from each other, once again, watching the lights go up.
“What about a journal? Does he seem to write a lot of notes in meetings?” Thomas once again turned to Aldo to ask his question.
“You can ask him yourself!” Aldo exclaimed, turning to Thomas with wide, incredulous eyes. His eyebrows were so high they were practically on his forehead. “You can just ask him!”
Thomas sighed, despondent. “What if he says he doesn’t want anything? He’s quite humble like that.”
Aldo opened and closed his mouth like a lost fish for a bit. “I… You’re his advisor! Figure something out!” He stormed off into a building, still visibly fuming. Thomas blinked as he watched him, still at a loss for what to get Vincent.
~
There were times were the staff of the Vatican could relax and enjoy each other’s company. Thomas enjoyed the times in the sense that he didn’t have to work, but the forced mingling was never his scene. He was always rather awkward and tended to keep to himself until his friends pulled him out of his shell.
This time of year, it was a holiday party. They did their holiday party earlier that most corporate jobs would, given how busy they were as Christmas drew near. Agnes worked miracles and ordered food in. The place was decorated for the season, the scent of fresh pine needles and fresh baked sweets in the air. The cafeteria was alive with chatter and laughter.
Thomas sat in a far table, slowly eating a salad. He would interact with his coworkers later, but for now, he needed the time away from the chaos of it all. He watched as Ray, far more of a social butterfly than him, laughed with his fellow Irishmen at the table next to him. Aldo was off pouring more wine for his fellow liberals. They would eventually pull Lawerence away from the corner, but for now, he took their distraction as a small blessing.
He was pulled out of his thoughts when he heard the clink of a plate being placed on the table in front of him. He looked at it, and slender hand retracted from a small plate holding a dinner roll and a pat of butter. When Thomas looked to the owner of said hand, he saw Vincent sitting next to him and smiling.
Thomas’ mood brightened instantly. Somehow, being with Vincent wasn’t exhausting like when socializing with the others. “Your Holiness,” He greeted with a smile.
“Your Eminence,” Vincent countered. He sat and fiddled with his rosary, turning the beads in his fingers like a fidget toy.
In private, they would use each others’ first names, but they had to keep up the decorum in public. It became almost like a game, the formality of it all code for friendship unspoken. “Are you enjoying the party?” Thomas asked.
Vincent happily nodded. “I am. It’s wonderful to see everyone so relaxed and having a joyful time.”
Thomas hummed in agreement, poking at his food with his fork.
“I got you the last dinner roll with sesame seeds,” Vincent said, smiling and pointing to the small roll now next to Thomas’ salad. Thomas smiled at the gesture and broke off a bite of bread and buttered it.
“Thank you,” Thomas said, slightly blushing. Over the weeks, he had learned to simply say thank you to Vincent’s small, kind gestures, lest the Pope start arguing. They happened quite often, and trying to reject them out of politeness always led to an argument that Thomas could not win. Still, it made his heart flip to think that Vincent would think of Thomas in the chaos of mandatory workplace team building.
“Are you free on the 26th?” Vincent asked.
“I should be. Do you need help with anything?” Thomas mentally started to flip through Vincent’s schedule, thinking about what events might be happening.
“I fear that Christmas Eve and Christmas Day are going to be rather hectic. I was hoping to take the 26th off and have a quiet day. Care to join me?” The light wasn’t the best in the cafeteria, but Thomas was sure that he could see a slight blush on Vincent’s nose and cheeks.
Thomas swallowed. His heart beat in his chest and ears and fingertips. Vincent was asking him to spend Christmas with him! It shouldn’t be a shock, but the thought still excited and scared Thomas.
“I’d love to.” He would never say no to Vincent.
Vincent smiled, a genuine one that reached the corners of his eyes. “Wonderful, I look forward to it.”
Thomas’ heart did a flip, his eyes trained on how Vincent looked at him with a sparkle in his eye. He didn’t know what to say. He wanted it to be the 26th right this instant, for all the noise to melt away and leave just him and Vincent. He wanted their privacy to enjoy Christmas by themselves.
The moment was interrupted by a loud bout of laughter from the crowd in the cafeteria. Vincent looked to the group of clergy, chewing on his bottom lip in a way that caused Thomas’ mind to lean towards sin.
“I should go mingle,” Vincent said. Thomas reluctantly nodded, not really wanting to be without his friend, but knowing it was for the best. And like that, Vincent was off, an angel in shining white armor amongst the sea of black silk.
Thomas looked at the roll in his hand. It almost felt like a Christmas gift in of itself. It was small and just a piece of bread, but Vincent thought about it. He saw the last roll and thought of Thomas. He took time out of the party to find Thomas and give him the roll. He even put it on a plate and made sure Thomas had butter. The gesture was so thoughtful.
His resolve steeled. He had to think of a gift just as wonderful and thoughtful as this bread. Something that showed just how much Vincent meant to him.
He ate the bite in his hand. Somehow, it was the best tasting roll he’d ever had. He slowly ate the rest between bites of his salad, savoring it. He mulled over a few gift options, making a mental note to ask Aldo his opinion the next day.
He was focused on this lovely bit of bread that he didn’t notice how Vincent cornered Aldo at the party, asking some sort of questions until Aldo threw his hands up in frustration and defeat, walking away.
~
Thomas paced in Aldo’s empty office. He had a handwritten list of items he thought would make good gifts for Vincent. He had spent hours coming up with anything he could think as the perfect item to show his appreciation for Vincent. He ended up thinking of four things and wanted Aldo’s opinion. First on the list was a basket of Mexican sweets. Second was leather book cover, to protect his war-weary Bible from further damage. Third was a quilt, of which Thomas would commission to bear the native flowers of all the places Vincent lived. Fourth was a rosary.
… Thomas ran out of ideas at the end there.
His footsteps were muffled by the soft rug in Aldo’s office. It was nothing more than the dull grey of the standard office supplies given to those who worked in the Vatican, but Thomas was thankful for how it softened the cold, unforgiving gold and marble of the rest of the office. His shoes padded against it, any clicks tempered into soft, repetitive thuds. If he kept up his pace, he might wear a hole in the carpet.
Thomas perked up from his thoughts and ceased his pacing when he heard the distinctive sound of Aldo’s leather shoes in the hallway. He was walking with purpose, clearly something going on, but Thomas was too distracted from that.
The door swung open to a fuming Aldo. Thomas didn’t notice.
“Aldo, I have a few questions-” Thomas started.
“Please, Aldo, I could really use your advice,” came a familiar, soft voice behind him. Thomas instantly recognized it as Vincent’s.
“ASK EACH OTHER!” Aldo roared. He threw his hands up to emphasize his dramatics. “I’M NOT A MIND READER. IT’S CHRISTMAS, NOT A SPY MISSION!”
Both Vincent and Thomas stood there, shocked into silence at the sudden outburst.
Aldo stomped over to his desk, throwing papers into his briefcase. “See?! You both are here, right now. Ask each other what you want for Christmas! It’s not that hard!” He slammed the flap of his bag closed, haphazardly doing the buckle. “I’m going home, and I better not hear a peep from either of you until you’ve talked to each other!”
Aldo stomped out of the office, slamming the door behind him.
Thomas blinked and looked at Vincent, who clutched a small scrap of paper in his hand. He looked just as surprised as Thomas, a dusting of embarrassed blush on the tip of his nose. Thomas wanted to melt at the sight.
“Did… you ask him what to get me for Christmas?” Vincent ventured.
Thomas nodded. “Did… did you ask him what I wanted for Christmas?”
Vincent gave a shy chuckle. “I did.”
Thomas chuckled as well, which, from both of their embarrassments, slowly turned into gentle giggles.
Vincent was the one to break the awkwardness. “I do need to speak to my Secretary of State at some point, so what would you like for Christmas?” Vincent asked with a smile on his face. “This might be silly, but I wrote a list of ideas for Aldo to look over.”
Thomas scratched the back of his neck. Great minds and all that, he supposed. “If I’m honest, I did so as well.”
Vincent outright laughed at that. “Alright, I’m starting to see why he was frustrated with us. Can I see your list?”
“Of course,” Thomas handed Vincent his list and took Vincent’s. It was fairly modest and in Vincent’s scrawling handwriting. First was a fitted pair of reading glasses to replace his old ones. Second was a cashmere scarf, imported from Scotland. Third was an advanced reader’s copy of a new publication on the Early Christian Church.
Fourth was a rosary, with a hastily scribbled note about how that was a stupid idea for a Christmas gift for a Cardinal.
Before Thomas could react, Vincent collided with him, hugging him and burying his face into Thomas’ shoulder. “These are all wonderful ideas!” Vincent’s voice was muffled by Thomas’ cassock. “I would love any of these!”
Thomas’ heart beat in his ears, but he quickly settled into the hug. He wrapped his arms around Vincent’s shoulders and rest his head on the soft, brown locks. “All of your ideas are wonderful as well. I would be honored to receive any of them.”
They stood like that for a while, simply melting into each other’s warmth. Nothing mattered outside of the office. It was just them and the joy of Christmas.
When they pulled back, Vincent only let Thomas go enough so they could look at each other’s faces.
“Even the rosary?” Thomas asked, still slightly embarrassed that he couldn’t think of anything more interesting to give the Pope for Christmas.
“Well, I don’t have a rosary from you,” Vincent countered with a smile.
“Is that what we’ll do on the 26th? Exchange rosaries and pray them?” Thomas half joked.
“That sounds like a wonderful idea.” Vincent smiled.