Chapter Text
There was nothing left for him in this world anymore.
That was the one thing Drew knew for certain as he gripped his windowsill, carefully climbing up to stand atop it. The harsh winter winds whipped at his face, blowing his bangs into his eyes. It was slightly annoying, but Drew couldn't bring himself to care all that much, especially considering it wouldn't matter very soon.
He had no one left. His friends had all left him.
Liam and Henry had told him they ‘didn’t wanna pick sides’, but they ended up doing just that. Started hanging out with Jake instead of him. Making friends with those freaks. He hated it.
(But he couldn't hate them themselves. Drew loved like a dog and he knew it. Nothing in his heart could ever let him truly hate anyone he cared about even the slightest bit.)
He knew he'd miss them, but does that really matter when you're dead? Could he feel after death at all? Perhaps he'd go to Hell, and that would be his punishment. The eternal guilt of knowing he couldn't fix anything he'd done.
He was sorry. He was so, so sorry. But he didn’t deserve the relief of apologising to those he'd hurt. He wondered, for a brief moment, if any of them would care that he died. His friends (could he even call them that anymore?), the club. But he pushed the thought away. He knew they would. They were good people, and good people care about things like suicide. But they'd be better off without him, and he hoped they'd realise that when he was gone.
He hoped his mom wouldn't be too hurt. But he was just kidding himself, of course she would be. She loved him more than anything. He knew he didn't deserve her love, though, and wished she had gotten a better son. She should have never been cursed with a disgusting burden like him. Maybe she'd get over the grief quickly. He didn't want to cause the only woman who cared about him pain.
Drew turned his gaze to the sky, even knowing that if there was a Heaven, he wouldn’t be going there.
He let go, and stepped forward into the air.
For one tiny, brief moment, he felt like he was flying. Like he was free.
Then he fell.
It was an all-consuming dread, and a terrifying thought struck Drew.
I don’t wanna die.
He squeezed his eyes shut and felt himself slowly losing consciousness.
I’m sorry, Mom.
He passed out moments before impact, but strangely could still hear the wet, sickening crack of his skull smashing into and breaking against concrete.
…
And then he woke up.