Chapter Text
I sat down, getting comfortable like always, even if it was hard. The ground was damp and cold, and I could just hear Darry yellin" at me in the back of my head that my jeans are gonna get all messed up. I didn't bother gettin' up though, he wasn't really here to make me get up.
I remember when we were kids, I must've been five, I think you were seven, which felt like a big age difference back then. I thought you knew everythin' just because you were older, like you were the epitome of wisdom. Funny thing was, you really never did anythin' but be older than me to make me think that. You were always quieter than everyone else, like you were saving your words. Or maybe didn't think anyone would actually listen. I would, though. I always did.
You never talked much, and I guess that didn't change. You preferred listenin', and I like that. You never laughed at me for saying somethin' dumb or when I talked to much. Like everythin' I said mattered- or at least you made me feel like everythin' did.
I tripped over Two-bit yesterday, said I always had my head I'm the clouds nowadays. The whole gang cracked up. I acted like it didn't bother me, well, it usually don't. I couldn't help but think that you would've laughed too- that small one you always do when you don't want attention on you. I ain't think I ever told ya' this, it it's easier to laugh when I'm laughin' with you. Makes me feel proud I make people happy and not just think I'm stupid.
I kept thinkin' there was more time. Not in a dramatic way or anythin'. Just thought we had more time. More talkin' alone in my room for hours until Darry forced us ta' bed. More sittin' around and doin' nothin'. I figured if I waited long enough, I'd know what ta' say eventually. Turns out waitin' don't teach ya' much.
I didn't get ta' say everythin' I wanted to- or everythin' I should've. I don't think I would've ever said it quite right anyways. I just hope ya' knew without me tellin' you. I hope you never thought I didn't care. Because I did. I do.
It nice bein' able ta' talk like this. Or read, I guess. I'll come back again soon. I always do.
I took a moment, then foldin' the paper back up in my hands, placin' it under the edge of the stone that read; JOHNNY CADE. For a second, the fog outside felt heavy on my chest. I stood up quick, breath catchin' in my throat. I knew if I stayed any longer, I'd cry.