Chapter Text
Prologue
No one ever talks about the fact that your last ordinary day feels like every other ordinary day.
...
Sarah Livsey probably would have thought something along those lines, if she'd known this was, in fact, her last ordinary day.
It wasn't even a particularly good day.
Reggie was dead.
Her parents hated her.
She hated herself, too.
It was probably the only thing they'd ever agreed on.
Sarah stared up at the popcorn ceiling of her bedroom. Thin slits of amber light from the streetlight outside painted the far wall.
She really wished she could sleep.
At least then she wouldn't be able to think.
When people bring up the butterfly effect, they only ever mention the way the past might affect the present. They never put it in the context of the present affecting the future.
What was the point of knowing which butterfly to step on, if it was already too late?
Stupid.
Useless.
Why hadn't she done anything? Why hadn't she known?
Did anything really matter, in the end?
Sarah's helpless frustration hit a new crescendo, as if something narratively important was about to happen.
[DESTINATION]
Sarah's eyes flew open, staring at the shattered mirrors. She looked up at the endless, spiralling stars, and wondered where the hell her ceiling went.
She also had the strangest feeling that this turn of events was extremely cliche and unoriginal. At least she wasn't stuck in a locker.
Wait… what?
[AGREEMENT]
Sarah sat bolt upright. Her head felt like it was being split in two.
If she was really going to die from a brain aneurysm or whatever this was, her parents would probably be annoyed she hadn't popped before Reggie. They could have gotten a bulk discount at the funeral home. Was there a word for the opposite of an orphan?
[The Truth is both an abhorrent and wonderful thing.]
No, that's not it. Wow, there really wasn't a word for it, was there? Sad. Not sadder than dead kids, but like, still unfortunate.
[It will set you free, and lock your cage.]
Was this her parents' supervillain origin story? Was she the fridge daughter?
[There is a man, at a typewriter…]
Sarah started to laugh.
"No, he's fucking not," she said to no one.
Sarah bristled. She wasn't talking to no one! You knew damn well who she was talking to. This whole intro sequence was getting entirely too deep, and beginning to circle right back around to being stupid again.
"Oh my god, Reggie's the fridge woman for my origin story! Brilliant. Way to buck the trend. It might be dumb and overused, but at least it's less sexist! Besides, we all know that everyone has one, singular traumatic event that defines their entire personality," Sarah said.
Sarah threw the covers off and hopped out of bed.
"You know," she said casually as she looked for a pair of clean socks to wear. "It would probably be boring to actually narrate a play-by-play of me stealing a bunch of my parents' money and buying a bus ticket to the next relevant plot point, so… Scene break!"
…
"Holy shit that actually worked!" Lisa exclaimed as she wandered through the high-end clothing store on the Boardwalk of Brockton Bay.
But that was a given, wasn't it? It would be wild if she went anywhere else. It'd be too jarringly unfamiliar if she just fucked off to the Bahamas or something. Or died tragically in a car accident.
People always say they want to hear about cities that aren't Brockton Bay, but they're lying to themselves. They crave familiarity. Why else would they be hopelessly searching for more stories in a niche fandom from twelve years ago?
That's right. It has been twelve years. You should probably schedule a routine physical.
Of course, she wasn't talking about you. Other people. Less interesting, less cool people. People who refused to acknowledge the inherently problematic nature of isekai.
Wait, since when was her name Lisa?
Whatever.
The salesperson was looking at her suspiciously. Probably because she was acting suspicious. And also stealing stuff. And talking to herself.
Except she wasn't, was she?
"Can I help you find anything?" they asked.
"Naw," Lisa said. "I'm either here for a meet-cute or a kidnapping. Either way, it shouldn't take too long. There aren't any other named characters in the building."
"I… what?" the salesperson blinked at her.
A woman in a security guard costume grabbed Lisa by the arm and dragged her through a display of sunglasses.
"Okay, it's probably the latter, but it could still be the former. It would check the required sapphic box. How do you feel about self-aware, underage asexuals?" Lisa said as she stumbled along behind her kidnapper/potential-love-interest.
A second security guard roughly shoved her against the alley wall.
Rude.
This was looking more and more like a less-than-pleasant canon event. Probably a good thing, overall. Better to establish some kind of narrative before-
"You have a phone call. We advise you take it," the woman said.
"Ha! I knew you didn't have names!" Lisa jabbed her finger in her definitely-kidnapper's face. "Also, did you really look up the interlude for that one quote? Is canon accuracy really that important?"
The henchpeople didn't crack, but it was close. Lisa could tell.
No sense of humor at all.
"Fine, be like that," she sighed, and took the phone. "Wassup?"
"I apologize for the manner of our meeting," a polite voice said. Polite for a kidnapper, at least. "I hope my soldiers were not too rough on you, Lisa Wilbourn. Or is it Sarah Livsey?"
"Again with the copy-paste? Write some original dialogue. And more contractions. Jesus Christ," Lisa said. "And it's Lisa. I have this weird feeling that it would get confusing if we kept switching back and forth."
"I'm sure it would. I've been keeping an eye on you for a while. You're something special, aren't you?" the voice asked.
Lisa's smile was legally barred from being compared to any kind of animal. Yes, that's where we're drawing the line, apparently.
"You have no idea," Lisa said.
…
Lisa almost fell off Rachel's giant dog-monster when she felt the weight of the narrative return unceremoniously to her shoulders.
"It's about fucking time!" Lisa yelled over the explosions. "I was beginning to think I wasn't the protagonist, after all. Skipping the first team meeting? How dare you deprive me of so many ways to mess with Brian's head!"
"What the fuck are you talking about?" Alec asked from behind her.
"Don't worry about it! You aren't expendable. Probably," Lisa called back. "Take this left!"
The dog drifted around the corner, claws tearing up the asphalt. Impressive turn radius.
Oni Lee teleported in front of them, grenades in hand. Lisa shot him in the head, and he died.
Wait, really?
Apparently. Huh. Neat.
Instead of turning to ash, the mad bomber collapsed unceremoniously to the pavement.
"What the hell, Lisa?" Brian yelled from the other dog.
"I didn't think he'd actually die! He's supposed to be relevant for something or other later, but obviously interfering with my meet-cute is a death sentence," Lisa shrugged.
Speaking of which, the road ahead was on fire.
"Wonder what's got Lung's dick in a knot?" Alec said.
Lisa eyed him suspiciously.
"Wait a second, I'm the only one who's supposed to do that. The fourth wall may be made of Swiss cheese and niche references, here, but the house still needs to make it to Oz," Lisa said.
"Is this one of those times where you're just spouting total nonsense, or is it one of the times that your bullshit ends up being impossibly accurate?" Brian sighed.
Brian sighed a lot. Get used to the dialogue tag. In exchange, she promised not to grin too often.
"Both? It's usually both," Lisa said. "Now, let's go keep Lung from killing anyone important. There's a named character here, somewhere. My Spidey Senses are tingling."
"Your what-" Brian started.
Lisa was already gone.
The dogs charged through the chaos while Brian flooded the street with darkness to keep any pesky gang members from interrupting their plot. Lisa hopped off onto the rooftop in what she hoped was a smooth move. You never know when a normal scene would turn out to be a meet-cute. She saw that slash in the tags.
And what's this? A suicidal teen roughly her own age? The odds were ever in her favor.
That wasn't even an outdated reference, here. In fact, it wasn't a reference at all. Completely original thought.
"Now, I know Brian's supposed to say 'hi' first, but I'm impatient and we've already copied at least two lines from canon, and that's still entirely too many. I'm Lisa, by the way."
"Codenames, Tattletale! How many times do I have to-" Brian sighed.
See? Recurring theme. We all love exasperated Brian.
"Naw, it's all good," Lisa grinned. "She's super suspicious of us anyway, but at least now she's also confused. What's your name?"
"I don't have one yet," the confused, suspicious girl said.
"No, no, I'm sure you do. You've got main character vibes. And just calling you different variations of 'the girl' every time you talk is going to get stale real quick, so why don't we go with something random, like 'Taylor', until then? Less confusing, that way."
The girl froze.
Oh, right. Already forgot we're calling her Taylor. Let's try again.
Taylor froze.
"I thought you wanted to confuse her?" Alec asked.
"If the shoe fits," Lisa shrugged. "Now, hey, Taylor, you want a ride?"
Taylor still hadn't recovered from whatever mental breakdown she was having behind the mask.
The dogs finished using Lung as a chew toy before Taylor put her head back together, but that was okay. They'd have plenty of time to work out the details.
"Tell you what. Try not to get arrested by Armsmaster and press-ganged into the Wards. That would make this whole plot a lot more convoluted for everyone involved, then I'd have to go through the process of seducing you into a life of gay crime the hard way," Lisa said. "So... Call me? No strings attached, unless you're into that kind of thing."
"What?" Taylor said.
Lisa just handed her a business card. Taylor took it numbly.
"Now then! I'm not entirely sure where Rachel is and I can't think of a quippy farewell, so we're just gonna go with… Scene break!" Lisa said, waving her hands wildly.
Brian, Alec, and Taylor all just stared at her.
"Damn, it didn't work that time?" Lisa said.
…
"Was that meant to be a recruitment pitch?" Brian asked when they got back to the loft. "If so, it was a pretty bad one."
Lisa blinked at him from her perch on the arm of the couch.
"Wow, I wasn't expecting to be conscious again so quickly," Lisa said. "Taylor can't have made a decision yet. Are you telling me that I exist outside of her perception of me?"
"You're being extra weird today," Alec observed. He grabbed another slice of pizza from yesterday's order. It was probably fine. He wasn't about to die from food poisoning. Probably. "Which is saying something, considering your baseline is pretty fucking weird.
"Yeah, but they don't know that," Lisa said. "For all they know, I'm totally normal when they aren't watching."
"I'm not even going to ask," Brian sighed. Again.
"What's important is that Taylor has to call us. It's just not the same without her here, and the sooner we get over the awkward growing pains, the better. It's necessary, and mildly interesting, but we all know she's better once she gets over the first couple hurdles," Lisa said.
"So… you think she'll go for it?" Alec asked.
Rachel wasn't here, again. Someday, that tidbit would probably be relevant. Maybe.
"Definitely. And she's totally not a spy for the PRT," Lisa said firmly.
"Wait, she's a spy?" Brian's head snapped up.
"No, no, I specifically said she isn't a spy," Lisa said. "Why would I say that if she were?"
"See… sometimes, you say things like that, and I know you're lying, but then it turns out to be something even more unlikely," Brian sighed.
"You say that, but we haven't seen it happen yet. Have I ever steered you wrong before?" Lisa asked.
"Constantly," Brian deadpanned.
"We're still alive, though," Lisa pointed out.
"We almost died literally an hour ago. And last week, at the casino. And the month before that, at the-"
"Those don't count! They aren't explicitly described anywhere. As far as anyone but us knows, they went flawlessly," Lisa protested.
"I don't even… whatever, Lisa. Yeah, I guess we're still technically alive," Brian sighed.
They all stared at each other in silence for a long moment.
"Do we, like, actually do things when Taylor isn't here?" Lisa asked eventually.
"Okay, that's it, I've hit my limit for the night," Brian said tiredly, which was a bit like sighing. "I'm going home. Call if you need anything, I'll check in tomorrow. Let me know if the bug girl-"
"Taylor," Lisa reminded him.
"...if Taylor gets back to us."
She would. Lisa was sure of it.
Wait, how did Brian know Taylor controlled bugs?
Did she control bugs?
Whatever.
"Remember not to tell Aisha you're a villain," Lisa reminded him.
Like he had the last thirty-one times she'd reminded him, he ignored her.
He did that a lot, too. Hopefully Taylor wouldn't ignore her.
…
Lisa paced anxiously across her bedroom. She knew it was unnecessary, but it was a physical way to indicate her emotional state without directly stating it. Which she kind of just did. But that didn't count, because this meta bit where she explained why she mentioned she was pacing was also unnecessary.
Taylor hadn't called yet. Sure, It'd only been a few hours, but Lisa was impatient. She'd spent a long time dealing with set-up stuff off camera, and was more than ready for the actual show to start.
Fuck it. What's the worst that could happen?
Lisa flipped open her phone and dialed.
She didn't have to think about the number. Her power filled in the gaps. Regardless of who she called, it was sure to be narratively interesting.
"Hello?" a tired male voice answered.
"Hi! Any chance Taylor's there?" Lisa asked.
There was a moment of silence on the other end.
"It's four in the morning. Who's this?" the man asked.
Different variations of 'the man' over and over was going to get old, too, so Lisa decided to just call him 'Danny' in her head, for simplicity's sake. And if that joke's less funny the second time, better buckle up because it doesn't get better.
"I'm Lisa, I'm a friend from work. Can I talk to Taylor? Also, please ignore the distinctive smell of burned spider silk," Lisa said.
Another long silence. Maybe she'd dialed the wrong number, after all.
Maybe she'd dialed Armsmaster's home address. That'd be pretty funny, too. Could you imagine?
"The… Um, okay, I don't think… Oh, Taylor's saying she wants… It's Lisa, do you know a Lisa? Okay, tell her to wait until at least five, next time," Danny said to someone off-camera. Probably Taylor.
"I will, sorry to wake you up!" Lisa said.
Never hurt to be nice to her future father-in-law. Probably. She'd already used up her angst quota picking up her power from the space Costco.
"Hey," Taylor said. She sounded impressively put together. That was good. Lisa expected more screaming.
"Hi! So, I know I said you should call me, but I got impatient. Did anything narratively important happen in the last couple hours?" Lisa asked.
"You can't call me here! How did you get my number? How do you know my name?" Taylor hissed.
Ah. Danny was probably out of earshot now. That made sense.
"Holy crow, your name's actually Taylor? That's convenient, and less confusing. Awesome! And I know everything. It's my whole schtick," Lisa said.
She didn't actually know everything. Her power was real cagey about the details, sometimes. And sometimes sending her face-first into a metaphorical pie was necessary for character development.
"I don't… Are you for real?" Taylor said. It didn't really sound like a question. More along the lines of the natural response to Lisa's existence.
"Extremely. So, you want to join my gang? Brian keeps insisting he's the leader, but they'd be lost without me," Lisa said.
There was another beat of befuddled silence. That kind of thing happened a lot, too, but Lisa didn't have the patience to coax people along the old fashioned way.
"Why should I?" Taylor asked. "Are you going to come after my father, or-"
"Of course not! I just want to be, um, friends. And yes, the 'um' is required, I don't make the rules. Otherwise it's just baiting," Lisa said. "Seriously, though, do you want to be friends and steal from the other gangs and rich assholes and stuff?"
"Can I… think it over?"
"Sure! Take all the time you need," Lisa said.
"So you won't call here again?" Taylor asked.
"Oh, no, I definitely will. I don't have a ton of impulse control and don't really have to worry about the consequences of my actions. I totally killed Oni Lee tonight and I'm sure that won't cause any problems at all," Lisa said.
"You WHAT-"
"Anyway, that's all we have time for today. See you later, Tay!"
Lisa hung up. Gotta keep 'em guessing. She didn't want to come across as too overeager.
It was tempting to call Taylor back immediately, just to see if she'd spontaneously combust, but Lisa decided not to. She needed to sleep, anyway. So far, spontaneously becoming a noctis cape hadn't been required to fill any plot holes or anything.
"Tune in next time for…" Lisa yawned. "For… something. I dunno. Hit the bell on your way out."
…