Chapter Text
To Have You Back Again
calikocat
Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy the Vampire Slayer, its characters or any of the songs mentioned.
A/N: Kind of a song fic, though there's gonna be more than one song throughout the fic. : ) Also since it’s been a while, have another Xander/Larry fic.
A/N 2: I've been sitting on this idea since November 2021, but I kinda just filed it away for a rainy day. Until the summer of 2024... when I finally did something with it...and I'm only now just posting it. : )
Word count: 2234
Warnings: Character death. Angst. I think this is as angsty as I've ever been.
XXX
Larry looked down at Xander, dark eyes gazing up at him in surprise and wonder as he slid in and out of Xander's body. It felt wrong to do this in the backseat of his car, there wasn't as much room to maneuver, and really, they both deserved better than this. But there simply wasn't time. Graduation was tomorrow and Larry was lucky he'd caught Xander in a free moment.
He had no idea what Xander was doing at the school this time of night...he just knew that Xander and his friends had a habit of being at school at odd hours. It was talked about all over school, some kids knew but they never elaborated. Larry knew it was connected to all the weird stuff in Sunnydale, and how Buffy Summers usually came running to stop it.
So maybe the boy...man beneath him was part of a gang. A gang of vigilantes who worked to take back the night. That kind of made Xander and his friends heroes, and if Xander was a hero, then he really deserved better than a quickie in the back of Larry's car. Especially since Larry had had a crush on him for years, and could easily see himself falling in love with Xander.
“Oh my god.” Xander gasped out, his hands reaching up to claw at Larry's chest.
“You okay?”
“Why didn't you ask me to do this sooner?” And Xander pulled him closer to kiss him. Larry opened his mouth and accepted the kiss eagerly, surprised at how aggressive Xander was. His tongue was in Larry's mouth, thrusting into him much the way Larry was fucking into Xander.
He broke the kiss and rested his forehead against Xander's, never stopping the movement of his hips. Xander panted, making sounds now that Larry couldn't even begin to describe. They made him move faster.
“Xander.”
“You could have and should have asked me out when Cordelia dumped me.”
“You weren't ready. You weren't ready in November either. Or December.” He pulled his head back, tried to change his angle of penetration just so, and Xander's eyes rolled back as he came.
“Oh. My. God.” Larry kept going, moving faster, just a bit harder. Xander's hands gripped his arms, nails digging in. “We could have done this on Prom night.”
“If you can still talk-” His orgasm ripped through him, cutting his own words short. He slammed into Xander three more times as he came, filling the condom he wore. Then he carefully sank down to rest on Xander's warm body.
“Its tradition to have sex with your partner on prom night.” Xander murmured, and kissed his temple. “I would have said yes.”
Larry managed to catch his breath. “Dancing with you in public was enough for me that night.”
Xander was quiet for moment, then whispered, “You have no idea how much that means to me.”
xxx
Larry had never been so scared. He'd never been on the front lines before, not like Xander. They'd had some 'pillow talk' between sexcapades and Larry had learned a lot about what Xander and his friends had been up to for two and a half years. But even to Xander, this was new.
There was a giant snake in front of him, that used to be the mayor...and Larry had a homemade flame thrower pointed at him. Somewhere behind him he heard Xander yell, “First Wave!”
A volley of arrows and harpoons were launched at the monster before them. Then Larry and the other guy, Alan Knox, hit the snake with their flames, giving the others time to reload.
Time seemed to blur as the battle waged. Larry heard Oz call out to Xander and Xander yelled back at the bowmen watching their backs to shoot their flaming arrows.
And then it happened. The thing Xander had been afraid of. Larry's flamethrower failed. It was a homemade Frankenstein of a device, put together by the shop class and the science club. It wasn't meant to last, and it didn't.
Larry dropped it and picked up a spear. Something hit him...he heard Xander scream his name...and then nothing.
xxx
It felt like he was floating, but he wasn't wet, which meant he wasn't in water. So how was he floating? There was nothing really around him...just...mist? But again, it didn't feel wet, normal mist or fog always kinda felt wet. Still, it was kinda white? So... mist/fog that wasn't wet. What the hell was going on?
Larry tried to think. The last thing he remembered was...oh. The mayor’s big snake-y tail hit him. He was dead.
“It doesn't have to be that way.”
Larry looked around him. He could have sworn he heard a voice... “Hello?” No one answered. He folded his arms, annoyed now, and still dead. Why wasn't he freaking out about being dead? He should be freaking out right? And where was everyone. This didn't seem like heaven or hell. Maybe some kind of Limbo? “This is going to get boring quick.”
“Would you like a do-over?”
There was the voice again, he couldn't tell what direction it was coming from, it echoed and seemed to be everywhere. “Are you god?”
“Would you like a do-over?”
Suddenly his surroundings changed, the misty-fog stuff was gone and Larry was in a cemetery. Still floating. Right next to Xander. He tried to reach out, but his hand passed right through Xander's shoulder. Yep. Still dead.
Xander sat down next to the grave, a portable CD player in his hands. The grave itself was covered in flowers, and at the head of it was a stone. With his name on it. Oh no.
“Xander.”
Xander of course didn't hear him, but he did lean against the headstone, his eyes wet. Then, he pushed play.
Love, love's a chameleon.
Makes one-in-a-million feel like too much of the same.
But leave, leave it behind you.
And love will remind you.
It was only you that changed.
Oh I'd give all my dreams.
Give up my home and everything I've ever known to have you back again.
To have you back again, to have you back again.
I'd stand in the rain, no place to hide.
Drown in my shame, swallow my pride.
To have you back again, to have you back again.
Xander paused the song, tears were streaming down his face now. “You changed me in the best way possible Larry. I wanted you to know that. I-” His voice broke. “I'm so sorry.”
Larry for the first time could feel something, and it was his own tears on his face. His surroundings blurred, the mist from before blocked the cemetery from view, but only for a moment. It cleared away again, though there was no wind, and when it was gone, he was back in the cemetery.
He was back at his grave, which had some nice grass or sod now. The flowers were long gone, except for the single white rose that he watched Xander place on top of the headstone. He had the CD player again and the song from before was still playing and it picked up where he'd last heard it.
Time, time is a river.
Flowing forever, away from the sound of your heart.
Only you can break this silence, whisper forgiveness.
Let me back in your arms
Xander paused the music and sighed before kneeling next to the headstone. “Somehow, and don't ask me how, but I ended up in a relationship. I'm still stuck in my parents’ basement though, and... I miss you so much.”
“Oh Xander.”
Xander lifted a hand, his fingers tracing over Larry's name on the stone. “I miss you so much...but I can't just wait to die and see you again. I'm trying to move on, but some days I don't want to.”
“I want you to be happy Xander.” Larry felt his own tears start up again.
“Anya. Anya is great...”
Larry knew the name, a strange girl who appeared out of nowhere. He thought she went to prom with Jonathan...but he didn't remember her being at graduation.
“...but she's still learning to be human.” Well, that explained why she was so odd. “I like her...I just don't know if I can ever love her the way I wanted to love you. The way you loved me.”
“Damn.” Larry wiped his tears away. Xander had figured him out...his crush had turned to love there at the end of senior year. The cemetery started to fade away again as the mist rolled back in. “No! Wait!” No one listened, no one spoke, and the mist cleared away again.
This time...Xander looked a bit older. This wasn't the fresh out of high school Xander he'd known and loved. This was an adult Xander, one he'd dreamed of seeing one day. Just...not this sad and miserable.
He was at Larry's grave again, this time wearing a tuxedo that had seen better days. Why in the world would he need a tux? Had he been to fancy dinner or something? It’s not like adults had proms...oh...
The song was playing again and had been for a while and Larry listened, heart heavy and hurting. For himself and for Xander.
Oh I'd give all my dreams
Give up my home and everything I've ever known
To have you back again, to have you back again.
I'd stand in the rain, no place to hide.
Drown in my shame, swallow my pride.
To have you back again. To have you back again.
“I couldn't do it Larry.” Xander started, speaking softly, voice sounding so quiet after he'd yet again paused the song. “I couldn't condemn Anya to a loveless marriage. I left her at the freaking alter.” He dropped to his knees and looked so lost and Larry felt so powerless. “I should never have proposed.” He tilted his head back, eyes closed. “God. Some days...almost every day I want to go back and trade places with you.”
“I wouldn't want that.” Larry stated, knowing he wouldn't be heard.
“You had so much going for you. That scholarship to Crestwood. A whole future...but then...how much would you miss me?” He looked at the headstone again. “Would you miss me at all?” Xander smiled. “I like to think you'd be stronger than me. That you'd be fine. I don't know.”
Larry reached out to Xander. “Sweetheart.” And the mist came rolling back in.
When it cleared...oh god when the mist cleared, he wasn't in the cemetery. Larry didn't know where he was, and he didn't want to know. It was a battle and a battlefield...nothing like graduation. There was no big snake, just a lot of girls getting beaten and killed. And there was a Catholic Priest.
“You're the one who sees, ain't ya?” The Priest shoved his thumb in Xander's left eye. Xander's screams filled the air and Larry echoed them, unable to stop it. Unable to save Xander.
He blinked and the battlefield was gone. The Priest was gone. The girls were gone.
Xander was there though, back at Larry's grave. He looked exhausted and like he was in pain. The black eyepatch covered his left eye, or where his left eye used to be. He was leaning against the headstone, looking completely defeated, the CD player beside him.
Larry felt his heart breaking.
And I know I never loved you like you needed to be loved.
But I know that I could learn to if we both had faith enough.
Oh I'd give all my dreams
Give up my home and everything I've ever known
To have you back again, to have you back again.
I'd stand in the rain, no place to hide.
Drown in my shame, swallow my pride.
To have you back again, to have you back again.
As always Xander paused the CD when he was ready to talk...Larry hated that the man he loved looked so defeated.
“Everyone's tiptoeing around me. No one wants to look at me. I'm a wound to Buffy's pride, a tragedy she couldn't prevent. Caleb should have just killed me, then I'd be with you.”
“Oh Xander.”
“I- I don't think I can go on much longer Larry. The big one is coming. If we don't win, the world will literally end. I'll go down fighting I promise...but...if I die you better be waiting for me.” A sardonic smile graced Xander's face. “Then maybe all of this hell will have been worth it.”
“You're breaking my heart Xan.” He knelt in front of Xander, who as always didn't see him.
“I wish...I wish we could.” He shivered. “Better not. If I made a wish, it would probably go bad.”
Larry reached out and cupped Xander's left cheek. He was careful, even though he had no substance. “I wish we could go back and do it right this time. Even if you don't remember. God Xander. I wanted more than what we got.”
“Do-over granted.”
The world around him got fuzzy...but this time there was no freaky mist. Then the world went completely dark and there was nothing.
XXX