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After the initial panic about Gaku and Darumi going missing and the realization that they’d left of their own free will to do some errand, Takumi didn’t really have the energy to do much with his day. He ended up back in his room in his bed. His mind wandered from problem to problem as he stared at his ceiling. The killer, the destroyed enemy base, Gaku and Darumi’s weird behavior. Eventually, he drifted back to the conversation he’d had last night with Yugamu and Ima.
He felt his chest tighten at the memory, at his admission. He’d killed out of anger. All of his justifications had just been excuses to do what he’d wanted to do anyway: get rid of Eito Aotsuki, punish him for what he’d been planning to do, what – in another life – he had done.
It was probably still better for everyone that he was gone, but Takumi no longer felt as certain about that as he had before. He no longer felt like his murder didn’t count as much as someone else’s.
That thought brought him to Yugamu.
How many people had he killed? Not out of any personal grudge but just because that was what his family required of him. Takumi knew it wasn’t what he wanted to be doing with his life. Killing wasn’t the problem, the lack of connection was. Takumi couldn’t understand why he’d want to know someone before ending them. Even the memories of the false version of the man Takumi had killed made his stomach twist up in knots when he thought about it. It would be so much worse if it’d been real, if he’d actually killed someone he really cared about.
Even if he couldn’t understand, it was what Yugamu wanted. Needed maybe. The more Takumi thought back on their talk last night, the more it seemed like Yugamu was really struggling against the bloodlust that had been practically forced on him.
He said he could sate it by seeing someone’s just-before-death face, but Takumi couldn’t imagine that’d be easy to come by. He hoped it wouldn’t be. On top of that, Yugamu didn’t even think that would work long-term. Would it even work long enough to get them back to the satellite if he could see one at all? And what would he do after that? Did he have someone on the satellite he genuinely wanted to kill? Even after over 100 days with Yugamu, Takumi still knew so little about him.
Gaku and Darumi returned after sunset, claiming they’d forgotten their infusers back at the enemy base and went to retrieve them. Takumi didn’t really believe that was the whole story, but they clearly had no intention of sharing more.
Anyway, Takumi wasn’t really paying attention to them. His eyes were on Yugamu who, in turn, was looking at Gaku. There was a hunger in his eye.
It wasn’t the playful kind of hunger Takumi was used to seeing in Yugamu, more flirtatious than threatening even if the contents of the flirting were…odd to say the least. There was a darkness to it and behind that shame. Takumi watched Yugamu take a deep, calming breath and force his gaze to the ground, frowning to himself for the rest of the discussion.
Back in his room, Takumi couldn’t get that look out of his head. Yugamu was in pain. His teammate. His friend, maybe. He could be if Takumi tried to make him one. Despite everything, Takumi was sure he wasn’t a bad person. He’d just…been through a lot. He was just a bit - maybe more than a bit - strange. He deserved the same help that Takumi would offer to anyone else in the SDU.
Takumi knew what would help him.
That was the issue, wasn’t it? The how? Takumi would help if how he would have to do it wasn’t so…
But that wasn’t actually true, was it?
If one of his friends was in trouble in battle, Takumi would take on any pain to keep them safe. If whoever killed Sirei and Eva and attacked Hiruko came after them outside of it, Takumi would do the same. He would die if that’s what it took to keep them safe. Temporarily or permanently. Whatever it took.
Why then was this different? Was it different? Why should it be different?
Before he knew it, he was knocking on Yugamu’s door under the glow of the artificial satellite. It opened quickly. Then Yugamu was in front of him.
“Takumi? To what do I owe the pleasure?” He looked more surprised than pleased, even with his usual smile on his face.
Takumi rubbed the back of his neck. “It’s…” He glanced around. No one was on the roof, but it was easy enough for that to change. Even at this time of night, someone could still be up. “Can I come in?”
He brightened. “Of course, you’re always welcome.” He stepped away from the door.
Takumi followed, closing the door behind him and locking it. When he turned and looked at Yugamu’s face again, he jumped.
His visible eye had gone swirly. A line of drool dripped out of the corner of his mouth. He’d wrapped his arms around himself and was practically vibrating with excitement. “Oh, Takumi. You should have warned me! I would have prepared myself!” He panted. “Unless…. You wanted to watch me do it? Or do it yourself? Or have me do it to you? I’m fine with anything, just tell me what you’d prefer!”
Takumi backed against the door, face going red. He wasn’t…entirely sure what Yugamu was talking about, but by his tone he could tell he didn’t want to know. “D-Don’t say weird stuff! I just wanted to talk privately!”
“Talk? How am I supposed to talk when you’ve got me all worked up? Ah… I really am going to have to do it, huh? I’ll go mad otherwise.”
Takumi swallowed. He was suddenly even less sure what Yugamu had just been talking about doing to him. Had he…jumped to conclusions? Had his mind gone somewhere even Yugamu’s hadn’t? Granted, talking about killing each other wasn’t exactly more sane, but still.
Focus. He needed to focus. He’d decided that this was the right choice, so he had to stick to it.
“That’s kind of what I wanted to talk about. The…urges you’re having that we spoke about last night.”
To his relief, Yugamu settled back into his neutral. He was studying Takumi now. “Are you concerned about me hurting someone?”
Takumi frowned. “Not…really. You never did last time, so… I mean, you didn’t have this issue then either, but I still don’t think you’d harm any of us without…uh…permission. Even when you were really struggling, you didn’t actually cut Gaku.”
Yugamu’s eyebrows raised. “I…see.”
“It was…finding Eva all cut up that triggered this, right?”
Yugamu nodded. He was oddly quiet now.
“Yeah I…guess you didn’t see anything like that last time, so this…wouldn’t have come up. I haven’t really…been sure how to deal with this.”
“You don’t have to. I’ll manage.”
“Will you? Just now you said…”
“I’ve come up with a solution. It’s not ideal, but it’s better than the alternative.” A small smile appeared on his face, but there was a sadness to it alongside the pleasure. “It makes me happy knowing you aren’t afraid of me, but I don’t have as strong of a hold on my urges as I wish I did. Given enough time and pressure, I would snap. Something needs to be done, so I’ll do the best I can for everyone’s safety.”
Takumi nodded slowly, swallowing his nerves. “Right I…want to do everything I can to keep all of you safe too. So…since I’m team leader…if someone needs help…I should help them. Especially if it might affect the rest of the team.”
“I’m not sure you can do much about this, Takumi.” He smiled slyly. “Unless you’re offering to let me kill you~”
“Well, I mean…” He wrung his hands together. “Even if you did, it wouldn’t be permanent... You’d make sure I got to the revive-o-matic after…”
Yugamu blinked at him.
Takumi couldn’t meet his eye.
“You’d…really let me kill you, Takumi? I didn’t think you liked me like that.”
“It’s not…! That’s not what this is!” Why the hell was he blushing? “I’m like…helping you manage a medical thing.”
It was like Nozomi’s rejection symptoms. He’d helped her kill someone else to settle her symptoms in his first timeline. This was…basically the same thing. Just…with him instead.
“A…medical thing.” Yugamu studied him. “So…you’re my doctor.” A smile spread back across his face. It was close to his usual unsettling grin, but with a kind of giddy, surprised delight behind it that Takumi found hard to look away from. “That’s never been how I pictured us together, but the idea is…” He let out a breathy laugh. “Very appealing.”
“You’ve…” Takumi shook his head, trying to dispel the thought. “No, never mind. I’d…I’d let you. Yes. That’s why I’m here. I want to help you. In a super normal team leader sort of way.”
“I see.”
Takumi expected Yugamu to sound excited, but his voice was strangely somber. When Takumi looked up, he found Yugamu frowning at him.
“Are you sure?”
“Huh? Y-Yeah…”
Yugamu took a long stride towards him, and Takumi tensed involuntarily. They were basically the same height, but it still felt like Yugamu was looming over him. His eye had narrowed. He was examining Takumi’s face with a level of intensity that made him shrink. It was very difficult not to break eye contact. Especially as the examination dragged on longer and longer.
Takumi swallowed. “Yugamu?”
“You’re not obligated to do this. Just because you’re our leader doesn’t mean you need to violate your own boundaries. This is my problem to solve. My responsibility.”
“I…I know that. I want to help. And it’s…not like you chose this. It was basically forced on you. You’re…my friend. I don’t like seeing you in pain.”
Yugamu averted his gaze. He looked strangely shy.
Takumi found himself getting a bit shy himself. That had sounded kind of cheesy, hadn’t it? He scratched his face, laughing nervously.
“You’re…very kind, Takumi.” He smiled sadly. “I’d say I don’t want to see you in pain either, but…” He chuckled. “You and I both know that’s not true.”
“I mean…not in…every way… Just…physically…” Takumi winced. What the hell was he saying? It seemed to work though.
This time when Yugamu chuckled, his voice was brighter. He sounded more like himself. He met Takumi’s eyes again. “And that’s fine with you? Me causing you physical pain? Death isn’t exactly pleasant for most people.”
“I’ve died before. I can handle it.”
“You’ve died in battle. I’m guessing from mostly sudden, unexpected blows. I…would not be quick. I’d want to take my time with you. Savor every detail.” He was smirking now, hunger in his eye, but he still studied Takumi’s expression, ready to pull back at a moment’s notice.
“O-Oh… Just…killing me wouldn’t fix it?”
Yugamu glanced away. “It would help, but I worry that only getting a taste could make my bloodlust worse the next time it comes back. Might be better to do nothing than that. It’s okay. The offer means a lot on its own.”
“I… Hm…” Death he could handle. Torture… That would probably be too much. He wanted to help though. Even more so now than he had before entering the room. There had to be a way he could still help. “Maybe…you could give me something to numb things? You could take your time, and I’d probably still react in a way you’d like so long as things aren’t completely muffled.” Probably even then. Yugamu would have to be very close to him to do his work. Even if he couldn’t feel an ounce of pain, he had a feeling he’d jerk and squirm all the same from sheer embarrassment. This was what he’d decided though. He wasn’t going back on it.
“T-Takumi…” Yugamu had gone back to staring at him wide-eyed. “You really don’t have to-”
“I want to! Every time you tell me I don’t have to, it makes me want to more!” He’d known Yugamu wouldn’t hurt anyone unwillingly, but Takumi hadn’t expected him to hesitate so much once the chance was offered to him. He was a good person. He cared about everyone: their happiness, their desires, their limits. He deserved for someone to care about him too.
“…Okay.” He slowly nodded to himself. “Okay.” His fingers started to twitch. He stared forward, not blinking. “I have something in the bio lab that should work.” He took a long, shaky breath, put a hand on his doorknob, and then turned back to Takumi. “Don’t…go anywhere.” His stare was suddenly very intense. “I might…break down your door.”
“I’m not leaving.”
He giggled, a bit crazed. “You’re really something, Takumi. Getting me all worked up. I hope you know what you’re doing.”
Takumi hoped so too.
Yugamu wasn’t gone for long. In fact, with how quickly he returned, he’d probably sprinted all the way there and back. Despite that, he didn’t look winded at all. He passed Takumi two pills in a small case and a bottle of water and then stared at him with the same unblinking eye. “Take one. Keep the other nearby in case you need it.”
“Okay.” He popped one into his mouth, took a sip of water, and swallowed. He set the other pill and the bottle of water on Yugamu’s desk. When he turned back, a knife glinted in Yugamu’s hand. His expression had gone completely dark.
“Takumi…”
A shudder ran down his spine at the way Yugamu said his name. “Yu-”
He didn’t get the rest out. Like a panther, Yugamu pounced on him. One hand around his neck was all it took to send him toppling backwards onto the bed. Sharp nails dug into soft flesh. Takumi could feel blood slowly dripping down his skin.
Yugamu was kneeling above him, panting with a wide eye that stared straight through him. The hand that held the knife was shaking, poised to strike, but it stayed in place. “Takumi…” He swallowed. “There’s a…another knife under the pillow. If…If you need me to stop, make me. Understand? I…I don’t know if…” He bit down hard on his lip, and the shaking got worse.
God, he was really falling apart. How hard had it been for him to hold all of this back up until now? How hard was it at this exact moment? Yet, he still did it to ensure Takumi would be alright.
Takumi swallowed. “I…I understand. I trust you.”
He groaned. Moaned maybe. His eye went to Takumi’s mouth, and he started to drool. “Medical thing…” He said it like he was reminding himself. “Just…” A mad giggle broke apart his words. “Haha… I’m insatiable…”
“Yugamu…?”
He shook his head, trying to dispel something. “Gag… You need… Don’t want to…frighten the others…”
Oh yeah. That was probably a good idea. Even if the pill lessened the pain, it was better to be safe, especially with what had happened to Eva.
Takumi glanced around for something, but nothing within reach looked like it would work. Yugamu’s breathing was getting faster. Sensing he couldn’t wait much longer, Takumi peeled off his jacket. It was a bit difficult to maneuver it out from under him with Yugamu’s hand still wrapped around his neck, but he managed. He folded one sleeve over itself a few times then bit down on it. After the rest of the fabric was tucked under his arm to keep it from falling off the bed, he looked back at Yugamu.
His eye was still locked on Takumi. If anything, it had only gotten more crazed. His mouth had curled into a narrow smile, and his cheeks had gone pink. “Takumi…you look…so cute like that…”
Takumi stiffened. He felt his own face heat up.
“So cute… So kind… I’ll make your first time good for you, Takumi.” His fingers scratched back and forth across Takumi’s neck.
Takumi’s blush got worse. Why did he have to make violence sound like-?
He didn’t have time to finish the thought. The knife swung down, and everything else vanished. Takumi’s breath caught in his throat, bracing for pain, and the blade sank into the mattress just above Takumi’s shoulder.
Yugamu’s face was inches from his own, studying his expression with a delighted grin. “Still so frightened…” he mused. “Yet, you’re here. Being so brave. Just for me…”
Takumi’s shoulders drew up. He looked away.
He heard giggling then he felt a sharp point press into the top of his arm. Slowly, deliberately, the blade dragged down his arm, slicing apart a thin layer of skin along with Takumi’s sweatshirt. That was fine, he had others, and the pain was reduced to a tolerable tingling sensation. Still, he gripped the sheets of the bed to keep himself from spasming.
Yugamu’s grin widened. He let the line trail all the way down to Takumi’s wrist until he reached the end of his sleeve, and it severed, falling onto the bed like a shed snakeskin. Takumi glanced down to see dots of blood pooling along the line. Then he went stiff as Yugamu leaned down and dragged his long tongue along the entire length of the cut, coming up again right next to Takumi’s bright red face.
He licked his lips, eye never breaking contact. Takumi’s heartbeat quickened.
Raising a thumb to Takumi’s chin, Yugamu angled his head backwards. He made two more cuts from Takumi’s shoulder up to his neck on both sides, so more fabric fell away, leaving his collarbone exposed.
Something flashed in Yugamu’s eye, then he was lunging forward, sinking his sharp teeth deep into the crook of Takumi’s neck. Even muffled, the sudden flash of pain was enough to make him cry out, but the gag kept it from reaching anyone but Yugamu.
A hand stroked comfortingly through Takumi’s hair as Yugamu’s teeth tore at his flesh. He bit down hard on the jacket in his jaw as Yugamu took hold of skin in his mouth and peeled it back. Takumi squeezed his eyes closed, shaking and twitching. He could feel blood coating his skin, tangled in his hair, soaking into what remained of his sweatshirt.
The thought of taking the other pill occurred to him, but the pain hadn’t gotten that bad yet. It was kind of similar to getting injured in battle. Unpleasant, yes, but also invigorating. Blood pumping, pulse racing, adrenaline flowing through his veins. It wasn’t all pain. There was something else there too that Takumi did not want to muddy.
When Yugamu pulled back, blood coated his lips. Takumi opened one eye to look at him and found him staring hungrily back. Maintaining eye contact, Yugamu brought his fingers to the open wound and delicately slipped one inside. Takumi’s eyes widened, and he jerked as the pain suddenly spiked.
Yugamu let out a shuddering gasp at his expression, then removed his finger. For a moment, he just breathed. Then he cupped Takumi’s face with his bloody hand and angled him, so he had to make eye contact. “Okay?” he asked, studying him.
He looked calmer now, closer to the Yugamu Takumi had known during his first hundred days.
Takumi swallowed, wincing a bit as that agitated the wound on his neck, then nodded.
Yugamu studied him a bit longer before he leaned back and gently took Takumi’s wrist in his hand. He coaxed Takumi into releasing his grip on the sheets then flipped his arm over. The point of the knife returned, pressing into the opposite side of his wrist that the last line had ended on.
He cut up this time with the same delicate precision as before, though this time he had to be the one to hold Takumi’s arm in place to keep it from spasming. The cut was just as shallow as before, only beads of blood coming to the surface. The tingling from it was more comfortable than the feeling coming from his neck.
Takumi panted, sinking into the bed.
“Does it feel nice, Takumi? Like you’re suddenly hyperaware of every nerve your body has? Like you’re more present than you’ve ever been?”
Kind of? Nice certainly wasn’t the word Takumi would use, but bad didn’t really seem to fit either. Maybe that was just because of the drug though. Certainly he wouldn’t be this comfortable doing something like this without that, right? It would be pure pain. Not…more of the good and the bad, right?
His furrowed, thoughtful expression made Yugamu laugh. “I’ll take a maybe.” He brushed a thumb affectionately across Takumi’s cheek, smiling at him.
For some reason, Takumi couldn’t hold his gaze.
When Yugamu’s knife returned the next time, it was right under Takumi’s Adam’s apple. The tip dug in slightly deeper this time, making Takumi hiss, then Yugamu drug the blade down in a straight line all the way to Takumi’s waist.
What was left of Takumi’s sweatshirt slid off of him. If he was in his right mind, he might’ve been embarrassed to suddenly have his chest exposed, but his brain was too busy buzzing with this new sensation to think too hard about it.
Fingers trailed down the cut, dragging blood along with them. “It would be so beautiful to see you completely cut open. To get my hands on every piece of you. To feel your heartbeat in my hand.” Yugamu’s hand pressed into Takumi’s chest just above his heart. The blood loss combined with the closeness made it pound rapidly under him.
Yugamu pulled back. “That might be a bit much for your first time though. I don’t want to take advantage of your kindness that much.” He paused. “Well, part of me does, but I won’t.”
Takumi couldn’t help but feel relieved. Yugamu was right. That would be too much. Even so, he wasn’t sure if he could have refused at this point. Thinking was difficult. Resisting seemed close to impossible. All he wanted to do was sleep.
“Almost done,” Yugamu whispered soothingly.
The blade sliced through something specific on each arm, and Takumi immediately felt the blood begin to flow freely. Everything quickly started getting even muddier.
Yugamu pulled him up, so Takumi was slumped against his chest with his arms dangling limply at his sides. Blood continued to pool around him, but Yugamu just wrapped his arms around his back and squeezed him tight.
Everything felt fuzzy. All of the anxieties that came with coming back in time to save his friends and dealing with a mysterious killer faded completely into the background. It was like he was deep underwater, floating, suspended in a dark place. Dark, but calm. Warm and quiet.
Each time Takumi blinked, it took longer for his eyes to open again. His vision was fading even when his lids were up. Everything got heavier. He sunk deeper into Yugamu, and a hand rubbed circles into his back. Takumi sighed dreamily and let his eyes stay shut the next time they fell closed. The world slowed around him. Just as everything started to shut off, he felt himself being lifted into the air.
Hair tickled against his ear. “Thank you...”
Then nothing.
The next time Takumi’s eyes opened he was stumbling out of the revive-o-matic into Yugamu’s open arms. Once more he was wrapped in that same embrace, held aloft as his legs shook unsteadily underneath him. He blinked rapidly, trying to orient himself.
They were in the infirmary, obviously, and it looked the same as it always did aside from the crumpled ball of bloody sheets nearby. Alongside them was what looked like a plastic sheet that was keeping the blood from seeping into the floor. Takumi had thought the bed had felt a bit crinkly at times. Did Yugamu already have it under there? Was he planning on doing something to his own body before Takumi arrived? In any case, it had probably made it easier to ensure there was enough cryptoglobin left to bring Takumi back.
“Are you alright, Takumi?” Yugamu’s voice was so close to his ear, soft and concerned.
“Mhm,” he murmured. “Just…need a second…”
Yugamu continued to hold him as feeling returned to Takumi’s legs. When he finally felt like he could stand again, he leaned back. Yugamu hesitated only an instant before releasing him.
Everything still felt heavy, but nothing hurt anymore. Takumi took a deep breath then raised his head to meet Yugamu’s eye. “Are you…okay?” he asked. “I mean…are you feeling…better?”
Yugamu’s already soft look softened even more. “Yes. I feel like myself again. I really can’t thank you enough.”
Takumi nodded slowly. Thinking was still a bit difficult. “I’m…glad. I’m glad I could help you.”
“I’d say you did a bit more than help me, but I admit ‘saved’ sounds a bit dramatic.” He tilted his head thoughtfully. “Dramatic, but maybe not untrue.”
“That’s…” Takumi dropped his eyes. “I’m sure you would’ve been okay. You would have figured something out.”
“Maybe,” he said noncommittally. He looked a bit embarrassed. “This was better though. For everyone but you.” Yugamu studied him. “You’re sure you’re alright? I’m not just asking about physically. That was…a lot for you, I’m sure.”
Takumi scratched nervously at the crook of his neck. He felt a bit sheepish, thinking about Yugamu’s mouth latching onto him there. “I think so. I…might be too tired to really process everything right now though.”
“Of course. Let me help you get back to your room.”
Yugamu moved to Takumi’s side and wrapped an arm around his waist. The ability to lean on him made walking the short distance to and up the stairs a lot less daunting. Despite being revived, Takumi still felt himself swaying on his feet. By the time they were at his door Yugamu had gone back to supporting nearly his entire bodyweight.
He opened the door for Takumi and deposited him on his bed. Takumi sunk into the soft mattress. It took a moment for him to catch his breath before he could speak. “Thank you…”
Yugamu stood over him, frowning down with undisguised worry. “Takumi…would you allow me to care for you?”
Huh? Takumi turned to get a better look at him, eyebrows knotting. “I’m okay. The revive-o-matic healed everything.”
“It healed your injuries, yes, but you still lost a lot of blood. Someone should watch over you tonight. Just in case.”
“I’ll be fine.” Takumi tried to smile, tried to look reassuring, but Yugamu’s frown only grew.
“If you’re saying it for your own sake, then I will of course obey, but if you’re saying this for my sake… I would like to care for you. You’ve done so much for me. I’d like to do what I can in return.”
That… Takumi’s first instinct was still to refuse. He didn’t want to burden anyone. Yugamu would have to be tired too, wouldn’t he? He should rest. But…it sounded like refusing would burden Yugamu too. If he wanted to express his gratitude, Takumi shouldn’t take that away from him just because he thought he knew what Yugamu wanted better than he did.
“…Okay.”
Yugamu smiled.
Takumi wasn’t really sure what to expect, but the first thing Yugamu did was slip the shoes off of Takumi’s feet and set them neatly against the wall. Then he pulled the sheets that Takumi had unceremoniously flopped onto out from under him and tucked him properly into bed.
Every action was so careful, so gentle, that Takumi found himself just watching Yugamu move back and forth.
He wet a cloth in the bathroom sink then dabbed the sweat that had blossomed on Takumi’s forehead off of his face. He retrieved some iron supplements from his room and coaxed Takumi into swallowing them.
It felt like Takumi was back at home with Karua looking after him while he was sick. He found himself leaning into every touch almost unconsciously, craving the rare feeling of being cared for by someone else. He felt snug, tucked tightly into bed like his mom had used to do when he was a kid. When Yugamu sat down next to his head and started lightly massaging his scalp, Takumi melted completely. When he started to hum an unfamiliar lullaby, sleep came almost immediately.
When the G’ie Queen awoke she found her host lying in his bed.
It was a much less disorienting awakening than her first had been: standing on the roof of the school, looking up at the sky. She’d nearly toppled over from how sudden it was.
She was in a body, but she wasn’t in a body. It was a confusing feeling. Still, she liked to think she recovered quickly despite that. Searching her host’s memories told her who the biggest threat was, so she started by eliminating him.
She’d exploded.
Normally, that would be the end of things, but the body was lifted up, transported, and stitched back together, and she was good to kill again. Or, she’d thought she was, but her control started to wane.
That wasn’t how things were supposed to go. Once she was in control, she was in control. That was that. Though, this was hardly normal circumstances. She’d need to adapt.
So, she did.
When she woke up the next time, she was in bed. That was better. No awkward transition that could confuse her host. So long as she put him back when she was done with him, he should be none the wiser. That had been her intention, if not for the person in the suit knocking her back into oblivion.
She hadn’t really expected to wake up again after that, but she did and finally got a real kill. A woman in a cage. Easy, simple, satisfying.
There was no real need to kill without another queen here to infect the dead, but instincts are instincts, and she could see no reason why she shouldn’t follow them. She was barely alive at the moment. If she was caught, who cared? She would enjoy what life she had in this form as long as it lasted.
She fully intended to kill again tonight. There was a weapon and a disguise hidden in the locker in the metal shop. Her host and his friends had found both while she was asleep, but it was easy enough to page through his memories to get up to speed. She’d retrieve them first and then-
An unexpected flash of blue cut the thought off before she could finish it. She wasn’t alone in her host’s room.
He was curled up on the couch across from her host’s bed, chest rising and falling slowly but evenly. One eye was shut while an eyepatch covered the other. Yugamu. The assassin.
What a rare opportunity.
She’d expected to have to save him for a special circumstance. Surely, he’d be on-guard when there was another killer about. It would take planning to get that one, but he was here, asleep, ripe for the slaughter.
Reaching behind the bed, she pulled out the knife she’d stored there just in case they ended up destroying the power saw. It glinted pleasantly in the artificial moonlight, reflecting the smile curling quickly onto her face right back at her.
Quiet as a mouse, she extracted herself from the bed. Her host’s body was slightly heavier than usual. Moving him felt sluggish. She told herself not to worry about it. She didn’t need to be fast so long as she was accurate. One good stab to the neck and even a professional wouldn’t be able to fight back. Based on the last few times she’d woken up, there’d be plenty of time to move the body and clean up the blood afterwards.
She loomed over him, choosing the best angle for the knife before bringing it down.
A hand caught her wrist mid stab, jerking it to an abrupt halt.
That was impossible. She’d been certain he was still asleep.
“What are you doing, Takumi? If you wanted a turn on top, all you had to do was say so.” His tone was light, but there was an edge to it. His visible eye narrowed, studying her host’s face.
She blinked at him, startled, trying to quickly run through the rest of her host’s memories to make sense of the strange statement. Her host had let this man kill him. That was why his body felt so heavy. That was why the assassin was here in this room keeping an ear on her host even while asleep.
It was easy enough to fall into character. She’d seen enough of her host’s behavior to be able to mimic him even if she hadn’t needed to up until now. She loosened her hold on but didn’t drop the knife and looked down sheepishly, scratching her face with her free hand.
“I thought you’d…like it. I know you want your whole killing thing to be mutual, so I thought it’d make you happy if I…” She trailed off, laughing uncertainly. “I must still be half-asleep. This was a terrible idea. I’m sorry.”
Yugamu studied her face. His grip around her wrist didn’t change. “I never took you for a very accomplished liar, Takumi, but even I couldn’t see any tells there. Have you been intentionally faking them up until now?”
“Faking? I’m not-”
“I have to admit,” he continued, undeterred. “I was a bit worried about you when you offered yourself to me. It’s not exactly the type of thing a normal person would do so readily. I thought perhaps you felt you needed to be punished for something, but…” He narrowed his eye. “If your goal was instead to get me to let my guard down…” He smiled coldly. “That would also explain the sudden willingness to indulge me.”
The G’ie Queen shook her head, keeping her expression confused. “What? Why would I-?
“Quite the escalation. Going from a woman locked in a cage to a professional assassin. You couldn’t have picked a safer second target? Or third, I suppose, if we’re counting Sirei.”
Fourth. He was forgetting about Hiruko.
She let her eyes widen. “You think I’m…! No! Why would I want to hurt anyone? I came back in time to protect you all!”
“So you claimed, and yet…” He eyed the knife in her hand.
She winced, trying to force herself to blush. “That was… I really did think you’d…”
His dangerous smile grew. “Now Takumi, either you’re a bold killer or you’re a shy boy. You can’t be both. If I’d just awakened some new kinks in you, I’d be very willing to help you explore them, but you wouldn’t jump straight to stabbing me in my sleep if it was your first time on that end of the knife.”
She met his gaze, searching for any sign of weakness, and found none. He saw right through her. There was no fooling him. Then, the only remaining strategy available was the truth. It had worked before, after all.
“I disagree,” she said evenly, cold smile spreading onto her own face. “It’s quite simple to be both. I’ll give you back the other version for now, and you can decide if you’re willing to kill him to get to me.”
For the first time, surprise flickered across his expression, but she was already disappearing into the back of her mind. The chips would fall where they may. Probably, she would die, but if this man was as foolish as that woman, she might just get the chance to kill again. All she could do until then was wait.
Takumi tottered on his feet, suddenly unexpectedly vertical.
A hand against his chest was the only thing that kept him from falling onto Yugamu who was laying on Takumi’s couch looking up at him with a hand wrapped around his wrist.
His wrist which was connected to his hand which was holding a knife.
He startled, and the blade clattered to the floor. “Why…?” He turned to Yugamu for answers and found him looking back with furrowed brows and a narrowed eye. “What…happened? What was I…?”
He was standing over Yugamu with a knife. Yugamu, who had presumably been asleep on his couch. Where had Takumi even gotten a knife? Hadn’t Yugamu left his in his room? This one didn’t have any blood on it. Why was it in his hand?
“Are you saying you don’t remember trying to kill me?”
Takumi startled again. “What!?”
Yugamu studied him.
Takumi tried to make sense of his words. He wasn’t just holding a knife; he had tried to stab Yugamu with it. That didn’t make any sense. “Why…would I do that?”
“You claimed it was flirting, but I found it very difficult to believe that you would be that daring after only one date.”
Takumi bit back a protest. That was not what was important right now.
Yugamu was still talking. “Now, it seems your strategy is to act as though you were possessed by some outside force. That is also quite unbelievable, though it might also be your only viable strategy left.” His grip tightened around Takumi’s wrist. It still wasn’t enough to hurt, but it made it very clear that Takumi could not escape from here with force. He wasn’t planning on trying to until he figured this out anyway.
”I don’t…remember getting up.” It was the first thing that came to mind. That was something he should remember, right? He’d never slept walked before.
Yugamu’s eye narrowed. “Do you remember why I’m in your room?”
“Of course. I was…resting. After I let you…” Takumi felt heat in his face. Remembering it made all the strange feelings that had accompanied it come rushing back. “You were watching over me.”
“Hm.” Yugamu was studying him again. “So, you really did do that just to help me.” A strange expression crossed his face, then he shook it away. “Are there other things you don’t remember? Specifically on the nights of Day 3, 16, and 24?”
“Huh?” Takumi’s eyes widened. Was Yugamu trying to say that…that he was the one who destroyed Sirei, attacked Hiruko, and killed Eva? That was impossible! Takumi would never-
Possessed. Yugamu said he was possessed. That something else had taken over his body, puppeted it around and used it to…
Takumi felt suddenly nauseous, suddenly unsteady. He suddenly felt the profound need to run, to hide, to get far far away from everyone precious to him before he woke up with their blood on his hands.
The hand that had been steadying his chest reached up and tenderly cupped his face. “Breathe,” Yugamu instructed in a voice so calm and assured that Takumi found himself obeying before even really thinking about it.
Yugamu was sitting up now, one hand still wrapped around Takumi’s wrist, but the expression on his face had shifted from skepticism to one of concern.
“Think for me,” he instructed again. “Are there any other gaps in your memory?”
Takumi tried to think. The night of Day 3 there had been that pop in his head, and he’d somehow moved from the rooftop to his bed. On Day 16 he had moved from his bed to the Bio Lab, and there had been a pounding in his head like someone had hit him with something. Nothing stood out on the night of Day 24 aside from a bout of hunger, but those other two, especially what had happened on Day 16…
Was that why Hiruko had started avoiding him? Had he done something to her alongside the person in the diving suit? Why hadn’t she told anyone about it then? No. No. It had to be something else. But then…what about right now? How could he explain right now?
“I…I have some gaps, yeah… On those days.” Takumi swallowed. “You think…I’m the killer? That I…” He started to shake. “That I was the one who did that to Eva? That I almost…?” He trailed off, eyes flicking to meet Yugamu’s. “I…I could have killed you…”
The idea of it was suddenly overwhelming. He’d have gone to sleep with Yugamu’s fingers in his hair and woken up to him dead on the ground. Eye wide but unseeing. Face twisted in an expression of surprise. Takumi would never get to apologize for not seeing the full depth of him up until now, for not trying to.
He collapsed forward, wrapping his free arm around the back of Yugamu’s neck and burying his face into his chest. A heaving sob shook his body.
“Takumi…?”
An arm wrapped around Takumi’s back, holding him in place. The grip around his wrist loosened for a moment then tightened again. The hand at his hip started searching him for hidden weapons. Takumi didn’t fight it.
“You…you need to kill me for real,” he murmured once he found his voice. “Before I…” He shuddered, wrapping himself tighter around Yugamu.
“Takumi. You’re panicking. I’m not going to kill you before we even figure out what this is.”
“But… But what if…?”
“You won’t kill me. I’ll stay alert. I stopped you before, didn’t I?”
Takumi tried to calm down. He tried to stop picturing Eva’s bloody corpse. He tried to stop replacing her with Yugamu.
He was right. He was a professional. He could handle dealing with another killer. Still, what if he was wrong? Takumi couldn’t handle it if he lost anyone this time.
“Can you…restrain me at least? Just until we figure this out?”
There was a pause. “Okay. I have something in my room.”
Takumi nodded shakily and pulled back away from him, suddenly a little self-conscious about clinging like he had. There was a wet spot on his clothes. Takumi looked down as he rubbed his eyes dry. “Sorry…”
“It’s quite alright, Takumi.” He smirked, but it looked a bit forced. “Whatever it takes to get you in my arms~”
The embarrassment didn’t quite drown out the panic, but it did muffle it.
Yugamu kept hold of his wrist as they moved back to Yugamu’s room. The sky was still dark. How had so much happened in only one night?
“I’m going to search you one more time just in case,” he said once they were inside.
Takumi nodded, letting Yugamu roam his hands over him, but luckily he didn’t find anything else. The torture restraints Takumi had gifted him on a whim weeks ago worked well to secure his limbs in place, but Yugamu tried to arrange him in a way that was comfortable and set him on the uncovered bed before clipping him into one of the posts. Yugamu collected a knife from under his pillow and slipped it under his clothes. Takumi's tension didn’t fully dispel until Yugamu stepped away.
For a moment, Yugamu just watched him. The frown on his face was somewhere between sympathy and hesitation.
Earlier he’d said that he didn’t think possession was that likely. He’d been treating Takumi so delicately that he’d almost forgotten, but there was clearly still some distrust in his eye.
Takumi stared at him. “You…think I might be faking this?”
Now he looked guilty. “I’m being cautious. I…very much want to believe in you, Takumi. The fact that I want to so much means I have to remember that it may not go the way I want it to.”
That was fair. That was fine. The more cautious he was, the safer he’d be. So, why did his chest suddenly feel so tight?
Yugamu straightened. “I’ll run some tests on your blood first. We’ll probably have to wait until tomorrow to use the revive-o-matic to do a diagnostic. Hiruko gets up pretty early. She’d probably catch us on the way back. I think it’s best to keep this between us as long as we can.”
Takumi bit his lip. “You should tell Hiruko. She…she started avoiding me after she got attacked on Day 16. I don’t know why she wouldn’t have told everyone, but…”
Yugamu nodded, looking thoughtful. “Okay. I’ll do some tests then collect her on my way back.” He looked back, meeting Takumi’s eyes with an intense stare. “We will figure this out, Takumi. Don’t do anything rash in a misguided attempt to protect us. We need you. It’s not a victory if you don’t make it to the end too.”
He didn’t wait for a response. He turned and disappeared out the door while Takumi stared after him.
Then he was alone.
It couldn’t have taken more than an hour or two for the door to open again, but it felt like a lifetime. Takumi kept going over everything, wondering why he hadn’t questioned the two lapses in memory before now. If he hadn’t happened to be with Yugamu, if he’d gone after anyone else, they’d be…
Takumi swallowed. Thinking like that wasn’t helping. Everyone was still alive, and he wouldn’t give himself the chance to change that. He’d spend the rest of his life chained to this very spot if that’s what it took.
When the doorknob turned, Takumi straightened to attention.
Yugamu entered first with Hiruko just behind him. Both of them were frowning. As soon as they were inside, Yugamu shut and locked the door behind them.
Hiruko’s frown deepened a bit as she caught sight of Takumi’s bindings, but other than that her expression didn’t change.
“What is this?” she asked, sounding far too neutral about it.
“I…I tried to kill Yugamu last night.”
Hiruko’s eyes narrowed only slightly.
“I don’t…remember doing it. I just…came to halfway through a conversation after he stopped me.” Takumi swallowed. “On…on Day 16… Did I attack you too? Is that why you were avoiding me?”
Hiruko was quiet for a long time before she spoke. “You already described what happened. You said the person in the diving suit attacked me.”
Yugamu narrowed his eye at her. “He’s not asking what he told you happened. He’s asking what did happen.”
She closed her eyes. “I haven’t disputed his claims.”
Takumi blinked at her. “So, I…didn’t attack you?”
She took a long breath. “No. You didn’t. You wouldn’t.”
He should’ve felt relieved. If he hadn’t attacked Hiruko, then he might not have killed Eva or Sirei either. No relief came though. He just felt more confused. “Then w-?”
“Did someone using Takumi’s body attack you then?” Yugamu asked coldly, studying every minor fluctuation of Hiruko’s face.
She glared at him. “What does that mean?” She took a hard step closer. “And why should I believe your account over Takumi’s? You easily could have lied to him to convince him he’s the killer to protect yourself from suspicion.”
Yugamu didn’t look offended. He just narrowed his eye further and kept studying her.
”He wouldn’t do that,” Takumi said firmly. “I believe him.”
Now it was Hiruko’s turn to study Takumi. She stared at him a while, then her gaze flicked skeptically back and forth between the boys.
Takumi swallowed. “Hiruko, if you know something, please tell me. I…I don’t want to hurt anyone.” He winced. “Anyone else…”
She frowned at him, though it looked softer than her usual one, more conflicted.
“Are you trying to protect him?” asked Yugamu. “Can this not be fixed?”
She didn’t answer. Her eyebrows just creased more.
“Hiruko…?”
“I have no intention of letting him die either if he is possessed. I won’t allow anyone to touch him. Nothing you share has to leave this room.”
She stared at the floor. “You won’t allow anyone to harm him?” she demanded.
He narrowed his eye at her studiously. “Yes. Not even himself. I owe him that and more.”
They looked fully at each other, sizing the other up. Takumi felt strangely self-conscious. He could kind of understand Yugamu feeling indebted to him even though Takumi felt like the attempted murder should’ve cancelled all of what came before out. Hiruko though… What reason did she have to be so concerned?
Before he could even guess at an answer, Hiruko sighed and dropped onto Yugamu’s couch, pinching the bridge of her nose.
“I don’t know what’s wrong. I thought I did, but nothing came up when I scanned his brain. There shouldn’t be anything else there.”
Takumi blinked at her. “You…scanned my brain? When?”
She frowned at him. “…After Eva.”
“And what did you think it was?” asked Yugamu.
“A g’ie. It’s a type of parasite that infects living beings and takes them over. Then it uses that host to kill those around it.” Her frown deepened. “Takumi doesn’t have one though.”
“Are you certain?”
She hesitated.
“We should scan him again. I might be able to spot something you couldn’t.”
There was only a brief discussion before the three of them were hurrying through the school towards the infirmary. Takumi wished he could keep the restraints on his legs, but both Hiruko and Yugamu wanted to move as quickly as possible to avoid running into any of the others.
He laid there quietly as the scan was happening then waited quietly as the other two examined the results.
There was no g’ie, but there was g’ie data. Some remnant of a true g’ie that had gotten tangled with him at some point. Possibly when he’d travelled back in time, according to Hiruko.
There was no way to remove it.
It would be in his brain for the rest of his life.
He’d been the one to kill Sirei and Eva. He’d been the one who tried to kill Hiruko and Yugamu.
Neither of them seemed to care about that at all.
They hid Takumi in his room for now, locking him back to his bed. Yugamu grabbed him something from the cafeteria then sat down beside him. Takumi stared at it and didn’t move.
“Takumi…”
He shrunk.
“You should eat. You’re still not fully recovered.”
“That’s…fine.” It was better like this. The weaker he was, the easier it would be for everyone else to defend themselves from him the next time he lost control.
Takumi could feel Yugamu watching him, could feel the pain his words had caused him. He kept his eyes deliberately down, so he didn’t have to actually see it.
What were they doing? What was the point of any of this?
Takumi was a time bomb. Sooner or later, he’d kill someone. Hiruko and Yugamu could be as careful as they wanted, but they had to know that the only real solution was to stop the problem at its source. He’d never taken either of them for the type of people to place sentiment above sense.
“It’s scary, isn’t it?” Yugamu said quietly, drawing Takumi out of his thoughts. “Not feeling in control of your own hands. Not knowing what they’ll do if you lose focus for even a moment.”
Takumi glanced at him. He was looking down at his open palm, a frown on his face. Slowly, he turned to meet Takumi’s eye.
“Do you think I should die, Takumi?”
He stiffened. “What!?” He searched Yugamu’s expression for some mistimed humor, but there was none there. “Of course not.”
“Why not? I’m dangerous. If you hadn’t helped me, I very well might have lost control and killed someone.”
“You wouldn’t have!”
“I would.” His expression was eerily calm. “I know myself better than you do. I would. Do you think I should die?”
Takumi stared at him. He didn’t have to think about it. He just shook his head. “No.”
“Why not?”
“You’re…good. You don’t want to do anything someone else doesn’t want, even if they think they want it. It’s not…”
“My fault?” He tilted his head. “I didn’t choose my parents; I didn’t choose my life; I didn’t choose what it turned me into?” He leaned closer. “Tell me, Takumi, what choice did you make that makes you so much more worthy of death than me? You think you aren’t good? That you don’t also care deeply about other people? You let me kill you just to ease my burden. The world is better with you in it, g’ie or no g’ie.”
Takumi lowered his head.
Gently, Yugamu pulled the unopened food out of Takumi’s hands and set it on the desk beside them. Then he took Takumi’s hand in his. “I will protect you from yourself, just as you did for me. No one will die by your hands. I will keep them clean.”
It was already too late for that, Takumi wanted to scream. His hands were already stained. He had been the one to kill Eva. He had been the very reason that Yugamu had started to lose control in the first place.
Yugamu squeezed his hand tighter. “Let us help you. Please. We have a plan. We won’t let you out of our sight during the day and keep you restrained at night. You won’t have a chance to grab a weapon let alone harm anyone.”
It wasn’t enough. The risk was too great. “This…isn’t going to go away. It’s not just the hundred days here we have to worry about. It’ll still be there once we’re back on the satellite. In my head. Forever.”
“Then I’ll watch over you for the rest of our lives.”
Takumi blinked. Slowly, he looked up to meet Yugamu’s eye.
There wasn’t a hint of hesitation there. It wasn’t as though he didn’t understand what he was promising. He just…meant it.
Takumi looked down at their hands clasped together. He winced. “You shouldn’t…have to spend the rest of your life looking after me…”
“Have to?” Yugamu leaned down and looked up at him, forcing Takumi to see his smile. “I want to. Preventing loveless killings seems like the perfect cause to dedicate my post-war life to, and being at your side is a lovely bonus.”
“Ah…” A different kind of tension entered Takumi’s body, and he sheepishly turned his head away, so he didn’t have to see the look in Yugamu’s eye.
“So shy~”
Takumi shifted. “Of…of course I’m shy… You…basically just said you’d marry me…” He could feel himself blushing. “You shouldn’t…joke about something like that…”
There was a pause. Then Yugamu scooted closer until their sides were brushing up against each other. Fingers lightly swept across Takumi’s chin, tilting his head back in Yugamu’s direction. His expression wasn’t teasing anymore. “I’m as serious as you’d like me to be, Takumi.”
“You…”
Yugamu smiled. “That gag was not only for keeping you quiet. It also very helpfully kept your mouth occupied. If it hadn’t… Well, like I said, I didn’t have the best control over my impulses at the time.”
Takumi blinked rapidly. Involuntarily, his eyes flicked down to Yugamu’s lips. He’d wanted to…
The idea shouldn’t really be that surprising. It wasn’t like Yugamu was quiet about his preferences. Still, some part of Takumi had been writing off any advances as teasing pretty much their entire relationship. It was easy to when Yugamu was so flippant about it and backed down so easily. Takumi had never really given any serious thought to the idea that Yugamu liked him, that a man liked him.
Takumi’s only real romantic interest growing up had been on Karua. He’d certainly been attracted to other women, but she was the only one he’d ever really considered as an actual partner. As for men, the idea barely occurred to him until after he’d been sent to war, and he really hadn’t wanted to think about that new discovery anymore once he’d gone back in time.
Now though…
Yugamu ran a thumb across Takumi’s lower lip. “I’ll stay by your side in whatever capacity you’ll have me, but if you’d like to give me a better excuse for sticking so close…” He tilted his head slightly as he studied Takumi’s expression.
Takumi wasn’t sure what face he was making. To know that, he’d have to know how he was feeling, and to know that he’d have to have any thoughts in his head at all.
Whatever Yugamu did end up seeing, it made him pull back, retracting his hand and slowly standing up and moving away from the bed. Then a feeling broke through that Takumi could recognize. Disappointment.
“If not,” he continued. “I’m sure Hiruko would be willing as well. I’d feel a bit guilty if I didn’t at least throw her name into the hat, and if there’s others you’d trust here with your secret: Nozomi, someone else, they could also be your more permanent protector.”
Takumi blinked at him, but Yugamu kept himself angled away, so Takumi couldn’t see his face.
Addressing one part of what he’d just said seemed nearly impossible at the moment, so Takumi focused on the other half. “Shouldn’t we…tell everyone? They have a right to know, don’t they?”
“I’m going to have to agree with Hiruko on this one,” Yugamu said, turning back to look at him. “It would probably be fine while we’re here even if some will react poorly, but if the wrong person finds out once we’re back on the satellite, you could be killed. Anyone we do tell would need to be able to be discrete. Nozomi, Tsubasa…the twins maybe though Ima might be an issue.” He frowned. “That’s less than I thought.”
Yeah. Takumi liked all his friends, but trusting them with a secret was another matter entirely. It felt awful to keep something from them that could put them in danger, but he found it hard to argue that it wasn’t the right choice. At least if Takumi was going to try to stay alive.
They wanted him alive. They were willing to fight to keep him alive. Takumi should honor their choice instead of trying to argue that they didn’t know what they wanted. What Yugamu wanted. Him.
Takumi found himself wishing Yugamu was still sitting by his side, hand on his face, soft smile on his lips.
He swallowed, trying to push the feeling down. “Let’s just…make sure this works first. Then…we can go from there.”
The clear relief on Yugamu’s face from Takumi agreeing not to die just yet made him feel suddenly extremely guilty.
“I…I’ll try. I will. But…but if I hurt anyone…”
Yugamu stepped closer. “You won’t.”
Takumi tried very hard to believe him.
“Eat,” Yugamu ordered, smiling down at him. “That’s step one.”
Things did seem to work for a while.
Hiruko or Yugamu came to retrieve him from his room each morning, kept an eye on him when he was in the cafeteria, and spent time with him during the day. Then at night they clipped him back into his restraints and left him to sleep.
It took a few days for the others to start commenting that he was playing favorites and for the lack of sleep from being unable to get into a comfortable position to start to catch up with him.
He ended up needing to get Yugamu to watch him while he napped just to keep himself from passing out into his breakfast one morning, and he had no idea how he even survived the fight on Day 47 with his vision swimming even more than usual in the fight against the hallucination commander, not to mention the time reversal one who’d decided to join her.
This wasn’t sustainable. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t sleep all bound up, and he was not willing to risk sleeping without restrains unmonitored or asking Yugamu or Hiruko to change their entire sleep schedule to accommodate him.
He was desperate though. He needed rest like he needed to breathe. Maybe that was why he barely fought back when Yugamu offered a different kind of solution.
“Comfortable?”
Takumi shifted, hunching his shoulders and staring forward at his pillow without giving an answer. In truth, he was far from comfortable, but not in the way Yugamu was probably asking about.
He was on his side, Yugamu’s chest pressed against his back and his arms wrapped around his torso. Their hands were clasped together, fingers intertwined. Yugamu was nuzzling into his neck.
The argument had been that this method would allow Takumi to sleep in a more natural position while still ‘binding’ him enough to keep the g’ie from killing anyone. There would be no way for it to extricate itself from Yugamu’s hold without waking him and no way to kill him while contained within.
It made sense, sort of. That didn’t make the sudden closeness any easier to deal with mentally. Or the fear that he would somehow still wake up with a corpse wrapped around him instead of a friend.
At least Yugamu seemed to be enjoying himself.
“I guess. Are you…? Comfortable?”
“Very.” He snuggled in closer. “You’re so warm.”
Takumi didn’t know what to say to that. Yugamu’d said it like it was a good thing, but Takumi hated being warm in bed. He liked being a little chilly, so he could get cozy under a ton of covers. In that regard, having Yugamu pressed up against him was pretty nice. His body was surprisingly cool. Not cold or anything but enough to keep Takumi at a pleasant temperature even while so close to someone.
He should say something. “Okay… That’s…good.” Takumi winced.
Yugamu chuckled. “Do you think you’ll be able to sleep easier like this? Or is it too much?”
“It’s not…” No, it kind of was. He felt bad saying so though. After all, this wasn’t just going to make his sleep more difficult. “I don’t…want to keep you up.”
“You won’t.” He smiled fondly. “Once you’re out, you’re out. I’m sure that even with how lightly I sleep, I’ll be comfortable with you. It’s like we were always meant to slot together like this~”
“Ah…!” Takumi suddenly felt even more embarrassed for his thoughts about their temperatures.
“So cute~ I wonder what I’d have to say to get you to turn the same color as your hair.”
Takumi squeezed his eyes shut. “This is not helping.”
A warm laugh rang in his ear. It was a nice sound. “Sorry, I’ll stop.”
Again, the hint of disappointment. He tried to push it to the back of his mind, tried to settle into a position where both of them would be able to sleep. Now wasn’t the time to worry about complicated feelings.
Yugamu settled against him and began breathing evenly. Feeling that rhythmic rise and fall of his chest settled Takumi’s own racing heartbeat. Sleep surprised him with how quickly it came, and, unlike with the past few nights, nightmares of blood and familiar corpses didn’t plague him.
The next morning Yugamu was delighted at the success of his plan. He played it off like it was because they’d get to keep sleeping like that in the future, but Takumi knew he was mostly relieved that Takumi finally had a safe way to rest.
They took to staying up a bit later, so no one would see Yugamu follow him into his room each night, though Takumi doubted some of the more observant ones hadn’t noticed. He could practically feel the twins’ attention lingering on him as he was passed from Yugamu to Hiruko and back throughout the day. Sometimes his protectors tried to linger in the background as he spent time with someone else, but to be effective they had to stay closer than what was normal.
Takumi needed to tell them. They were going to figure out something was wrong eventually, and if Ima decided to call him out in front of everyone, Takumi was sure it would all come out even if Yugamu and Hiruko did their best to cover for him.
He talked about how to do it with Yugamu before bed each night, trying to work up the nerve. Yugamu massaged his scalp soothingly as he spoke, and Takumi found himself leaning into the touch instead of shying away from it. The closeness was easier after a few nights wrapped in his arms.
Each night sleep came easier. Each morning started with Yugamu’s smile greeting him.
He almost started to forget why they were doing it.
The G’ie queen felt the arms around her before anything else.
She was trapped in an embrace. Her hands were entwined with another’s. She couldn’t move.
“Good morning,” a familiar voice purred into her ear. “I was starting to think I’d never see you again.”
The assassin.
A shot of tension went up her back, but of course her life wasn’t actually in danger. It had been days since she last woke up. If they were going to kill her host, they would’ve done it by now. She took a moment to page through the recent memories then very dramatically rolled her eyes.
“This is your strategy?” she asked derisively, releasing her part of the grip between their hands. “I didn’t really think you’d be as foolish as the other one.”
A light chuckle rang in her ear. “No, letting him wander around without supervision was a silly thing to do, but Hiruko didn’t have the means to keep Takumi safe from the others and the others safe from you. I do.” He smiled, squeezing her limp hand. “I’m a very light sleeper, and Takumi is…not. He hasn’t woken up once like this since we’ve started spending our nights together. I’ll know it’s you the moment you appear.”
And if I don’t appear at night? It’s only by chance that I have so far.
It wasn’t a perfect rebuttal. She knew they were keeping watch during the day too, just in case. Perhaps if she didn’t mention the possibility, eventually they’d stop, and she could get another kill before they could stop her. Even then, she had a feeling they would refuse to eliminate her host. Though he might take care of it for them.
“And if I fight back?” she decided to goad instead. “Are you capable of killing this body?”
He didn’t flinch. He just kept smiling. “I’d prefer not to. I’ve grown rather fond of him.” His smile turned dangerous. “But. Something temporary, just to knock you out of his system for the moment? I’m sure I’d enjoy that.”
He would. He had already. And it wasn’t like she’d best him in a fight with this host.
Leaning closer, he pressed a soft kiss into her temple. “Go back to sleep,” he whispered soothingly. “I’ll be here when next you wake.”
A surge of rage passed through her. How satisfying it would be to kill him right now, to prove that his method of protecting his beloved amounted to nothing at all. She savored the imagined look of panic on his face as she told his dying body how much she would enjoy her host’s despair at waking up in his cold, dead arms.
She told herself that she would get to make that beautiful fantasy come to life eventually. They couldn’t keep a perfect watch over him forever, and the moment they slipped up, she’d be there to make their failure as painful as possible.
For now though, she could do nothing. Reluctantly, she let herself fade back into the background.
Takumi’s eyes were already open when he came to. Immediately he stiffened. “Yugamu?”
“I’m right here,” his voice answered instantly. “Everything’s alright.”
The tension released in a long sigh. He was safe. Thank goodness. For a moment, nothing else mattered, then reality crept back in.
“Did…did it wake up again?”
Yugamu hesitated a second then nuzzled closer into Takumi’s back. “It did. I woke up before it could even get its bearings, and I told it that it would never have the opportunity to use you to hurt someone else again. Everything went exactly as planned.”
Takumi sighed again. Good.
“It tried to stop holding my hand,” he complained lightly, trying to soothe any lingering nerves. “So cruel.”
Takumi glanced down, finding his fingers spread away from Yugamu’s. Without even really thinking about it, he closed his grip again.
Yugamu hummed happily.
For a moment, Takumi just laid there, staring forward at his wall. Every feeling suddenly felt more concentrated: Yugamu’s hand in his, Yugamu’s chest against his back, Yugamu’s hair tickling his ear.
He was here. He was safe. Takumi wasn’t going to kill him. He wasn’t going to kill any of them.
Takumi wasn’t going to need to die.
The full scope of that realization crashed into him like a tidal wave. Takumi’s chest tightened. His body started to shake. Before he could stop it, a heaving sob made him double over, hot tears spilling from his face.
“Takumi?” Yugamu pulled him into a sitting position, leaning his head over Takumi’s shoulder to look at his face while keeping an arm wrapped around his chest and his hand squeezed tightly around Takumi’s. His voice was all concern.
Takumi shook his head, unable to speak but trying to silently reassure Yugamu that it was okay. He wasn’t upset. For the first time in over a week, he had a future again. A precious future. One where Yugamu would cradle him protectively in his arms every night.
Yugamu, who was kind and careful and gentle even as he was falling apart. Yugamu, who had offered Takumi the rest of his life because of one kindness paid to him. Yugamu, who could make Takumi think when he was panicking, clear his thoughts when he was upset, get him to feel safe when his world was falling apart, and who looked at him like he was the most precious thing in the world.
He'd known what he wanted ever since Yugamu hadn’t given it to him. He dreamed about Yugamu staring into his eyes with his thumb brushing against Takumi’s lips. In the dreams, Yugamu didn’t move away.
How could a walking corpse let himself sink deeper into Yugamu’s heart though? How could he risk ripping a bigger chunk out of it when the plan fell apart, and Takumi needed to disappear one way or another? He couldn’t. He wouldn’t. Not until he felt like he might be able to stay.
Takumi could feel Yugamu’s worry radiating off of him. He was not nearly as adept at comforting Yugamu as Yugamu was at comforting him.
He gave a hard sniff in an attempt to clear his nose and wiped the tears from his face with the back of his free hand, squeezing Yugamu’s back with the other. He twisted around, so he could look at Yugamu’s face, the arm wrapped around him leaving them centimeters apart. “I’m okay,” he assured. “I’m happy. I didn’t… This whole time I thought…” He trailed off, unsure how to finish the thought, but he didn’t have to.
Yugamu’s face softened in complete understanding, and no more words were needed.
Takumi examined his face, the lines of him, the scars, the look in his eye. He watched as the look changed from soft understanding to hesitant confusion as Takumi remained a bit too close and continued to stare. His eye widened into a saucer as Takumi leaned in and finally finally brushed his lips against his.
It was a soft kiss, a shy kiss, Takumi’s first kiss, but it still carried a heavy weight behind it.
Takumi was sure his face was bright red already by the time he pulled back. What he wasn’t expecting was for Yugamu’s to be too.
He stared at Takumi with his lips slightly parted and blinked like his brain was still trying to come back online. It wasn’t an expression Takumi ever expected to see on Yugamu’s face, and he found himself getting somehow even more flustered from it than he would have if Yugamu had looked pleased or excited or knowing.
Scratching his face self-consciously, Takumi glanced away. For some reason the first thing out of his mouth was a further confession. “I’ve…um…been wanting to do that for days…”
Yugamu let out a breathless laugh. It was a beautiful sound. Joy and wonder intermingled. His hands detached from their positions so he could cup Takumi’s face between them. “You have?” he asked, studying his expression like he was still having trouble believing it.
Takumi swallowed and nodded, fighting to maintain eye contact.
“When did that begin?”
He didn’t seem to realize how embarrassing that question was. He was all curiosity, all giddy excitement. Looking at that expression, Takumi couldn’t bring himself to deny him anything.
“When you…um…” Takumi raised his hand to Yugamu’s face and gingerly brushed his thumb across his lower lip. As soon as he was done, Takumi pulled away, ducking his head and blushing even redder.
Maybe it was even before that. Takumi wasn’t sure he would’ve complained if Yugamu had kissed him after trailing his tongue up his arm, or while Takumi was bleeding out in his embrace, or when he’d hummed him to sleep after.
Yugamu sighed wistfully. “And I denied you. I denied myself. How foolish of me.”
Takumi shook his head. “You were being kind. You didn’t want to risk taking something from me I didn’t want to give.”
Yugamu watched him, smiling softly. “You did though. You wanted to give that to me? It was your first, wasn’t it?”
Had it been that bad? Takumi bit his lip, feeling inadequate, feeling foolish.
Yugamu’s forehead moved to rest against his. “I loved it, Takumi. It was perfect. Thank you for giving me something so precious.”
Oh.
Takumi swallowed. His heart felt simultaneously heavy and lighter than it’d ever been. “Thank you. For trying to save me. For protecting the others. For making me feel like I could…have a life beyond this.”
Yugamu smiled at him, tender and adoring. There was an entire future in that smile.
“You did it for me first.”