Work Text:
New York City, 1998
A warm hand enveloped around his waist as the man’s chin tucked at Will’s right shoulder. He gave off a shy smile but he leaned back on the embrace, his neck showing off more as he tried to give a comfortable space to the man snuggling on his shoulder. The two of them giggles, seeing themselves in the mirror looking like a couple of middle schoolers having their first taste at love. As they both stared at each other in the mirror the man started giving sweet pecks, starting from the sides of his neck, to his nape, to his cheek… Will’s shoulder shakes as he laughs.
“Don’t start now, Red”, Will tells him, trying to look fierce when all it looks like to the man– Red, rather– is a pout with Will’s poor attempt at making his eyebrows meet each other.
Red stops after a one last peck at his cheek with an evident sound of a smooch, “Fine, fine”, He didn’t let go and snuggled still. Will stares once again, he can't help but caress Red’s face with right hand, thumbing on his jaw gently.
“I know you’re worried but I’m going to be fine.”, Will assures him.
Red’s eyes drop, looking somewhere else then connects their eyes again, “I know that… but you know…”
“Still worried.” Will finishes his sentence then he takes the arms around his waist, loosening the grasp then he turns around, facing each other. Will then snakes his arms around Red’s waist as their foreheads touch, their bodies almost melted into one with how close they are.
They stayed like that for a minute, taking in each other’s presence. The warmth, the peace.
Will breaks the silence, “Thank you.”
As if on cue they both parted their touching foreheads. Red replies with a soft smile on his face, “Anytime. You are always welcome anytime, Will.”
Will doesn’t say anything, he couldn’t at that moment as he takes in Red’s warm gaze. His breath staggers a bit, bottom lips wobbling trying to hold back all the emotions he has for the man in front of him. God– It always goes back to the question, does he deserve such a loving, caring, and observant man? The way Red looks at him, Will knows he’s cared for and that he’s the only one in his eyes. He still hopes though, to one day see himself in his eyes because– what does he even see in him? To look at him with such love. With such affection.
As Red looks at him, watching his expression, his eyes soften and eyebrows raising gently,”Oh, baby, c’mere”
He was then pulled in a hug, Red’s hands moving up to caress his back while the other cards through his hair. Will then releases the tears he was holding back. It wasn’t a painful sob nor was it one where he couldn’t breathe. It was just like how one opens a faucet, it poured, the pressure to hold it all together was gone.
Today came.
The day when Will Byers talks to Mike Wheeler after three years.
Talk. As in, say everything. Anything. Taking out all the shards poking at his heart so that it can finally heal and beat with ease. As the days drew in a few days prior he was absent minded to say the least. if he can live without ever saying– revealing– anything then that would be great but it simply just doesn’t work that way. He had to close that chapter of his life, everything was already too late anyway.
In order to do that he had to tell Red and he didn’t know why but he shouldn’t have been that too surprised when– instead of getting mad or jealous– he just asks with concern after trying to make him remember to breathe–
“Do you want me to be there? Or if no, when is it? I can drive you there.”
He asked why he’s so normal about it when he almost forgot to breathe trying to babble his way into revealing this meeting, his reply was, “I trust you as much as I love you… and you warned me remember? When I was courting you? You’re always honest, right from the start. You told me all about him, your feelings for him and how you feel and I told you, that if you feel like you can’t love me back, then you must tell me. Hmm? If after this… this meeting…”
Will couldn’t bear it then. He stopped Red after that. Why is he so selfless? He always pondered during the start of their relationship– How can he give his whole heart to him without the assurance that Will can give his whole heart too? What if he takes it and abuses it just to feel something? Just to feel loved? But he said he knew, he knew what he’s stepping into– that Will’s heart was still bleeding out, the stream of blood going somewhere else. He knew he could not make that stream stop nor can he just slap a band-aid on the broken parts of it, but he still wanted to hold it gently, to slowly pull off the shards, the thorns and let it heal on his own while Will lives with the help of Red’s heart.
That if you feel like you can’t live with my heart then you must give it back. Hmm?
Because just like with a broken set of arms, you need another pair to help you eat and wash. Maybe for Red it’s just as simple as that.
“I don’t… deserve you” Will whispers. He hears Red chuckle a bit.
“It’s not about deserving me, I offer all of me to you and if you want me then I’m all yours” Red replies without hesitation.
Will pulls back wanting to look at Red as he asks, “But… Why?”
Why did he like him? Why did he stick with him? Why was he so patient with him every nightmare he had? Why does he get him, understand him, without knowing everything he went through? Why can’t he see his flaws? Why does he trust him so much? Why him? Why–
“I love you, that’s why”
love.
He loves Will.
Will’s mouth opened wanting to say something but Red interrupts him, “You’re gonna be late.”
He looks sideways, glancing at the blue clock, then looks back at Red, “I already am.” Will laughs lightheartedly.
“Let’s go then”
-
The drive to the coffee shop where they're supposed to meet was quiet but Red’s other hand caressing Will’s thigh gently kept him grounded. He returned the gesture back by laying his palm on the back of his hand. Small moments like this makes Will smile. He still feels anxious but he knows he's okay, he’s going to be fine no matter what.
Will took a deep breath as the car parked in front of the coffee shop.
“Hey” Red says.
Will turns to him with a smile. He inched closer holding Red’s neck gently as he place a quick kiss on his lips. It was short and sweet, making Red’s lip curl, “We can’t make out here right?”
He laughs at his question, “No, we can't.”
Red sighed disappointedly, “Then… I'll pick you up…?”
“In an hour.”
Yeah, an hour seems enough. Will thinks.
“Okay, I'll be at home, just call me if anything happens.”
Will nods then gives a quick goodbye as he finally gets out of the car. He watched as the car drove off before deciding to enter. He instinctively closes his hands, grasping at nothing, Red's hands no longer there to ground him. Will feels his heart start to pound not really knowing the exact reason why. He counted each step he took to try and ease himself. It took 13 steps to finally reach the door's handle, he pushed it open.
The door’s bell chimed.
There weren't many people inside the shop so it didn't take too long to find someone with dark curls that grew quite long, sharp facial features with black glasses accompanying it, wearing a mix of blue and dark green patterned sweater.
Oh. He was already looking at him. Mike smiled– Will thought that it wasn't his usual smile though but he shrugged it off– when Will’s eyes landed on his. Will walked towards him.
“Hey” Will says as he sits in front of him. They were seated by the window, far off by one couple and two people sitting alone.
“Hey” Mike replies back with the same energy. “I already ordered coffee just now, uh, I'll order yours, what do you want?”
Will looks at him sheepishly, “Actually, I don't drink coffee anymore”
If someone were to ask what Mike's go-to-drink, anyone who knows him enough will answer coffee, that's clear. However, Will doesn't have a clear favorite. He drinks coke, fruit juice, milk– really anything that tastes objectively good– and he used to drink coffee as well. He drinks coffee if there is but somehow… he stopped.
Mike looks at him in surprise, “Not even when you need it?”
In Will's mind, his reasoning was that he's not really a coffee drinker that's why whenever he drinks some late at night, it fucks with his body clock. He couldn't sleep when he decided it's time to and is more anxious whenever he tries to finish work.
“Nope,” Will shakes his head with a smile, looking proud, “Haven't taken a sip for like two years?”
But of course, that's a reason to hide another reason.
He remembers Mike whenever he sees coffee. He thinks of Mike as he drinks it.
Mike's mouth formed a circle, baffled, “I don't know how you can… but, they do have fresh juice here aside from coffees, what about orange juice?”
“Yeah, I'd love that.” Will smiles. Mike stands up and walks towards the cashier.
It was actually going fine, Will finally believes in it. He really couldn't help but smile at himself genuinely this time. The tension he felt earlier was gone, Mike and him were talking as if they just met yesterday. Like that five years of not speaking to each other didn't happen, as if nothing even happened before that five year gap.
-
After Mike ordered, their talk drifted to a lot of things but not about them. They talked about how Hopper and Joyce’s life is in Montauk, They shared stories about Dustin’s rant on the letters he sent to them about the hierarchy of the hospital he's currently working at, Then of course, Lucas and Max’s wedded life where they both gushed about the cute picture they both received of their first born. They also talked about Jonathan and Nancy who unsurprisingly found their way with each other just a year after Jonathan graduated. They both snitched about their siblings on how different they were before and after being together again. After the couples, they talked about Steve who finally left Hawkins and Robin and Vickie having problems about having a house together.
“I offered them actually, if they wanted to buy a house with me and Red”, Will says.
Mike didn't respond immediately until Will looked at him after sipping his juice, He says, hesitating, “Yeah? What did she say back?”
“She said–
“Will Byers! You're a Genius! I'll talk to Vickie about it!”, Robin says holding his hands as she stares at him like he just solved world hunger.
“It's nothing, Red and I… also want to live together but it's hard. I actually thought you'd be mad” He says trying to laugh off his nervousness.
Robin asks, confused, “Why would I be mad?”
“Oh well, It's still hiding you know? You said you wanted to protect the both of you that's why you couldn't just move in then you said Vickie said that she felt like you're just scared about the both of you being found out or something, like she feels you're still unsure about the both of you– of course that couldn't be more wrong… Still, my solution still feels like… hiding.”
Robin lets go of his hand then rubs her nape as she looks down, “Well at this time we're never going to have the peace we want. Maybe in the future, when people are finally accepting us, treating us with respect. Maybe then, two women or men can finally live in the same house without worrying about being scrutinized or worse– dying. The only thing we can do is to compromise, to make-do of our situation which of course, I hate. I hate it so much...”
Will's eyes lowers, he listens as she continues, “... and I love her! So much. I want to protect her and this moving in situation just feels dangerous– Fuck, this is so ridiculous. Moving in together? Dangerous? Two people loving each other?”, Robin chugs her beer as she finishes speaking.
He feels her pain, they both know each other's pain as they both live in a timeline where you could get killed for just being queer. So he gets it without Robin saying it, that they need to hide not because they aren't proud of who they are but because they need to stay alive. To stay alive so they can continue being there for their partners, to stay alive to see a future that's much more welcoming and kind.
“That's…” Mike trailed off, not really knowing how to express himself about it.
“It's rough” Will says for him knowing Mike just didn't have the words to express how absurd the situation is. He tries to change the subject, saying a positive news.
“Now, we're all living together, it's actually pretty nice”
Mike looks at him, “How… how does it work?”
“Oh well, The house is more of a two separate houses? Like, still the same yard and whatever, still connected, but separated? When we moved in we made sure to come separately, Me with Vickie and Red with Robin. But of course once settled in, no one really keeps track on which part of the house we go home to.”
Mike nods lightly as he listens to Will then he adds, “You should come by sometime! Robin misses you and Red wants to meet you”
Will feels something shift, or is it just him being nervous when he mentioned Red to Mike?
Mike sips his coffee, looking anywhere but Will. He sets the cup down, “I… that– sure, sure, of course. I want to meet them.”
Will doesn't really know what to say next. How to go on from that, they've talked about almost everyone they know, Hell, they even talked about Murray, so what else is there to talk about aside from–
“So… Red, does he…
(treat you well?)
–how are you guys?” Mike's question stops Will's overthinking.
Will chuckles, as if he remembers something that’s fondly. Mike digs his nails in his palms under the table.
Why did he even ask that? Does he really want to kill himself?
From the start, when he saw the both of them outside the coffee shop in the car, Will leaned holding and kissing that man in the lips, them giggling– he doesn't know what's that about but he really doesn't want to know– He wanted to just bang his head on the glass window.
When Will called, initiating for them to meet, finally after years of him begging to meet Will, he felt pure bliss, hope, and relief.
But as the call goes on it becomes clear that this won't go the way Mike hopes it would. He hoped that Will broke up with Red, that he called him to give him another chance.
“Oh– yes, of course! uhm, I'll pick you up? What's your address? Also, would dinner be okay? Do you want to go to that fancy resto? I heard–”
Mike hears Will breath heavily on the other line, “No, Mike uh, coffee shop? Just… This may sound a bit… but this isn't…”
It isn't a date.
Of course it's not.
Why would he… he knows they're together, Mike knows how strong their relationship is, he always hears it from Max whenever he visits them.
He hears how Will tells her through letters that Red is so caring, so understanding, so handsome, so soft and tough at the same time, so… so fucking perfect for Will.
Max isn't even saying it to get under his skin (maybe just a bit?), it was just facts. He's the one who was asking as well, how's will?. He asks literally anyone because Will doesn't reply to his letters. Understandably so. It's just that when Max answers about Will’s well-being there's always that fucking color.
Red did this for Will so Will is happy, Red said this to Will so Will is happy. Red this, Red that. Oh he is seeing Red whenever Red is mentioned.
He loves that Will is happy and safe. That he's living the life he wanted. Will is now working as a full-time comic artist at one of the biggest companies in New York. Before that happened they were communicating regularly. Will's letter was the only thing that kept him sane. Until he somehow fucked it up. Like he always does with his relationship with Will.
“Y-yeah, I know, I… yeah.”, He manages to reply after a few seconds. He responded later than he would've liked to respond. It was so obvious he hoped for more. It was pathetic.
After that Will gave a location about the coffee shop and hung up after a quick goodbye.
Mike just held the phone in his hand, staring at nothing. He knows Will isn't on the other side but he didn't have it in him to put the phone back. He stood there holding the phone until he snapped out of it when his legs started to hurt. He finally hangs the phone back then slides on the wall slowly against his back then pulls his legs close to his chest, face blank.
What was even the point of meeting Will… when he knows he's just going to say goodbye to him for good? He would've liked it if they met at a firing range instead and Will shoots him in the head. That would've been less painful. Ok, maybe he's being dramatic, maybe Will wants their friendship back, maybe this isn't closure, just them back to being best friends. Yeah, friendship–
Nope, Will should just shoot him.
“He’s… great”, Mike feels a bullet pass through his heart when he hears Will say it with his eyes glittering and the curl of his lips almost reaching his eyes. It was an undoubtedly sweet smile.
There's no denying it. He wanted himself to be wrong. Maybe this is just Will saying it to appear as if he's moved on, or maybe make him regretful and jealous but– he knows Will. Will will never hurt him on purpose. So if he feels hurt, that's on him. If he's hurting because Will finally moved on while he couldn't (and he just wouldn't), that's on him.
Will stares outside as Mike stares at him, trying to study and analyze every move that his face makes. He continues, not noticing Mike's blank and cold expression, “I… never knew it could happen to me, you know?”
Will's mouth opens a couple of times, trying to say something but he drops it and breathes heavily. Then, he stares back at Mike, his heart pounding, attempting to calm down as he holds his shaking hands together, “I loved you for the longest time.”
Loved. Mike feels his heart stop and his life end right there and then. Will continues, unknowingly massacring his heart.
“Thinking about it, I never fully confessed, right?”, Will tries to joke but his glossy eyes betrays him, “When, when we–
Kissed. Mike Wheeler is kissing him.
It must be just the buzz or because he's lonely or whatever the hell it is, Mike, Mike is kissing him. He leaned Will against the wall, his hand holding him by the neck while the other caresses his waist. It didn't take too long for Will's shock to stop and start reciprocating. He pulls Mike even closer by pulling their chest together, his hands wandering on Mike's back.
The kiss wasn't sloppy nor soft but it was full of desperation. Just the two of them trying to take each other in, wanting to mold into one. Fuck, this is Will's first kiss and he's kissing Mike Wheeler, the love of his life. Will moans at the thought of it as Mike explores him with his tongue.
“Will”, Mike chants in between the kisses. This just makes Will feel even hotter, Mike is aware it's him, He's moaning his name. It's finally about Will. It's Will.
Mike's hand started wandering as well. He tugs roughly on the shirt that's tucked in Will's jeans then prods under it. Will shivers at the cold hands touching his waist, tummy, chest, and Oh God, Mike thumbs on his nipple. Will whining at the touch just encouraged Mike to do more but he didn't stop taking in Will through his mouth, biting his lower lips, sucking his tongue–
It was going so, so well. Until the lights started flickering.
Both of them stopped instinctively, their fight or flight mode activating. They both stared at the lamp that was flickering with their hands still at each other and face just an inch apart. It continued flickering lightly until it started to just dim till it lost its glow. Will sighed in relief till he noticed Mike's frozen state.
He whispered something Will wished he didn't hear, “El…”
“ –Kissed, I really thought, I thought that, I don't know? You like me back?”
“Will–”
“Mike, you-” Will's fighting to not sob in the middle of the shop, “You just know how to make me feel… bad.”, He whispers the last word because it's not that true. He knows Mike, he'll never do anything to hurt him on purpose.
He doesn't know when it started to shift but there was a shift, when Mike couldn't get him anymore, when Mike doesn't feel what he feels anymore, when Mike doesn't understand him anymore, when Mike… his Mike is just… gone? Was it when Mike told him it's not his fault he doesn't like girls? When Mike goes all awkward with him back when he visited them in Lenora? Was it when Mike didn't get that the painting was his statement of love for him? All those instances got solved, somehow, but it piled up to the point Will just couldn't ignore it.
“When I realized that I liked you more than I should've, that realization was accompanied by pain right from the start. Loving you just… just hurts. I knew it was doomed from the start, there could never be an us. So when you, you kissed me that night. My first thought was this is just you feeling lonely, this is just you drunk, I thought the worst of you because there's no way in hell you wanted to kiss me. Me…. but you started saying my name and like the fool that I am I felt so hopeful that finally, It's me. This time it's me.” Will confesses his heart out, tears streaming down his face.
“Will, it is you, it's not–”
“Mike, please, stop.” Will wipes his eyes then he sees Mike's expression, he's hurt. He should've rejoiced on the sight of that but he didn't have it in him to be so. Mike bites his cheeks as his eyebrows meet. He looks mad and sad at the same time.
“I know before, before what happened that night you… you weren't over her. That you never stopped believing that she's alive and me too. It's so easy to just think that she escaped, that she's living life in peace because the thought of her dying saving all of us–”
“I'm not.” Mike whispers but just loud enough for Will to notice he said something he says louder, “I’m a coward, I’m–.”
Mike Wheeler.
He's smart and brave.
But at times like this? He averts his gaze, His eyes going all over the place. Worst of all? He can't say anything. Not that he doesn't want to. He just... can't.
Mike tried opening his mouth to force whatever the hell he should say because at this point forcing himself to say any coherent sentence is just absurd. However, unlike Mike the Dungeon Master, he's now just Mike... he was always prepared for all the twists and turns, has a comeback for the story to work, he also plays tons of characters the party encounters along the way so... the dialogues. The talk. Talking should be what he's best at.
But Eleven was right... not just during their fight against Vecna, his view of life isn't like one of their campaigns.
He's... just Mike.
Where would he even start? From the shit he pulled where they were in Lenora? From when he said it's not his fault he doesn't like girls? From when he lost his mind when he thought Will died? From when he realized—
It's not supposed to be possible. From Mike Wheeler's perspective, it's just not... right.
He should know. He should've. By the very least, known himself. Know himself.
He tried to hide it, really. To act normal, to be normal, because back then there’s a fuck ton of problem they’re facing for years and having feelings for his bestfriend should be the least of his problems. He shut himself off, because why not? That part of himself died a long time ago, Mike Wheeler's feelings for Will were buried when he saw a chance to be normal. Eleven needed him and he needed to conform. He learned to like to make out with Eleven. He learned to support her through the battles. He learned that anything really, can be learned. Anything could change as long as he wills it.
He is not like that because he says he is.
He is the dungeon master.
But cracks started forming when they moved to Lenora– or maybe even before, during that time Eleven kissed him as they were packing. He stood there dumbfounded, he knew why. It started from regret. Regret that he said all of those things about Eleven. It was true though, that he loves her and he cares for her, he learned that. He loves the feeling of being with el, there isn’t the feeling of doom that what they were doing was a mistake (but he felt like one). He knew he was deceiving himself and El but he was selfish and a coward.
Mike the Brave isn’t real.
So he hid behind Eleven like the true hero she was. Maybe that’s why he loved referring to her as a hero, superman, because she saved him from that confrontation. He is her hero because if she didn’t appear then Will wouldn’t be saved and his dirty feelings he had for Will would be bound to consume him. Forever mourning the best friend he had, forever mourning what more they could possibly have. But she appeared and his life started the moment she appeared. It wasn’t a lie, though he omitted the part where her appearance started the snowball.
His life stopped when Will went missing. It started again because hope came to him in the form of a girl wearing a comically large shirt. Through ups and downs, Will was brought back.
But after a few more incidents they moved… He was once again far away from Will… and El.
He got scared that the person making him seem normal is far away from him… and the person he could be himself with, making him feel like he is not a mistake… is far away from him.
He kept in contact with Eleven, he was sending letters almost every week, if not everyday– as El was sending him letters before he could even reply to the one before that. Mike wouldn’t admit it to El but sometimes it felt like a routine, just to prove he has a girlfriend and he’s okay, he’s still normal.
But with Will, they drifted apart. It didn’t even register in his mind that best friends could send letters to each other on a regular basis. He tried calling on the phone almost everyday but Joyce was always the first one to answer, and whenever she knew it’s Mike, she would say, “Hi, sweetheart! Are you calling for Jane?”
It feels like someone punched him in the guts. No. He’s not stupid. Calling Eleven on the landline is like signing her death.
It’s Will. He wants to hear his voice. He wants to hear what he’d reply to something he said. He wants to talk to Will as if that would help him get to Will, as if he could really imagine that Will is beside him. He misses his voice so much.
He freaks out and says no, he'll call back later. The mere mention of “Jane” feels like a warning.
Sending letters… he could have. but only if he could package what his heart could say and could receive back something containing Will’s heart back.
He tried to write, but God's the only witness on how he tried so hard to keep his letters simple. Just a single page like he does with El but it goes more than that. Mike writes everything, every single detail about how his days are going, adding inside jokes only the two of them gets, writing about campaigns the hellfire club does, writing about how he wishes Will can play among them, writing how much he wants Will and him to just hangout on his basement and rewatch Ghostbusters for the nth time like they used to, writing how he wants to hang in Will's room while he draws and Mike writes for their next campaign, writing about how Hawkins isn't the same without him. He just stops writing after he mindlessly writes, I miss you, Will.
The way Mike felt… how he misses Will is so different. He knows something is different about it. At that time he didn't want to dig down deeper, on why he had a problem admitting he wishes to see Will. The unsent letters ending with, “Love, Mike” piled up.
Then there came the time he received a letter from El.
He’s painting something for a girl he likes?
He’s annoyed. God… Why? He likes this girl so much he paints for her? Even him, Will’s best friend, only received sketches or crayon drawings so far. What was the painting about? How long have they known each other? Why did he like her? Who is she?
Tons of questions but a realization stuck. He should be happy shouldn't he? Will was the last one in the party to be in a relationship, he should be happy that he's finally having one but it pricks at him. That gnawing realization someone is closer to Will than he is. Someone that isn't him.
He shrugged that off as him getting jealous because that's his best friend, no one knows him the best aside from him but with the situation back then he feels like he's losing hope, he's losing Will. To some girl Will barely knows.
When he patted Will's back instead of diving on a full on hug he so wanted to for months before receiving El’s letter, he was just bitter. It didn't even register in his mind that he was. He was being petty despite being the one who didn't send letters to Will. His jealousy grew even more seeing Will holding the rolled up painting. It was real, the painting El mentioned was real.
He kept it calm, putting his arms over El’s shoulder, holding her close, kissing her on the head. He's being so normal about it but he still couldn't help stealing glances at Will as they walk out of the airport.
It didn't get better after that, he noticed how Will wasn't talking to him or laughing at his dumb jokes because why not? Will always does. He was so focused on Will’s “odd” behavior it didn't register to him that El is obviously being bullied in front of him. Mike just sips his shake when that blondie took El away, thinking that this is just El bonding with his friend and finally then he can ask Will what's bothering him. They can talk alone, just the two of them but Will stood up abruptly following El.
Chaos followed suit.
The car ride home after El bashed Blondie's face was quiet and the scene at the dinner table, Jesus– Why did he say that to El? It was so insensitive. Mike shouldn't be prioritizing his feelings because El is obviously having it worse than him. It did hurt when El lied to him, because before anything else he thought they trusted each other but she was lying to him about her life here and– what else did she fake about really?
Mike was so immature at that time blaming it on his hurt feelings about El's lies and Will’'s distant behavior, not even registering to him that what El needed that time was comfort, someone standing on her side and not a “What did you do?”, not a “It didn't look fine to me.”.
Of course, he realizes his fault when it's all said and done. He talks to El about him being bullied as well then it escalated to her being hurt because he didn't write, “Love, Mike”. He felt that she's being ridiculous because, Why wouldn't “From, Mike” be okay? Yeah, maybe, using the L word would've made more sense since she's his girlfriend but it didn't really…. didn't really register on his mind. That… was he somehow supposed to know that? Isn't he doing what a boyfriend does to his girlfriend? Writing letters almost everyday? Isn't that normal enough?
He argued he does, he does say it.
The time he did say so to her face was painful. It didn't feel right. He knows it didn't because it did nothing to help.
“ –I’m a piece of shit-"
“Mike?”
“I tried to, tried to be normal because feeling things about your best friend didn’t seem normal to me.”, Mike finally spits out.
“...Mike”
“It, it was just the two of us, you know? Just us, before everything happened and Jesus– I keep on thinking about, about what could’ve been if everything didn’t happen and I started hating myself because why would I keep on thinking about a scenario where El doesn’t exist? Why would I even–”, Mike gives up halfway through his sentence and lets out a shaky breath. He bites his lower lip then says, “I love El but not in the way I love you.”
Mike felt terrified when he finally met Will’s eyes, It was full of disbelief and pain as he says, “Stop, please”
“I hated the way I realized that I only needed El to feel normal. She didn’t deserve that. That’s why I couldn’t get over the guilt when she– when she told me she loved me one last time and I couldn’t say it back. Then, I keep on thinking, what if I just said it back? Would it have stopped her? Is, is everything my fault? What if I really loved her the way she deserves to be loved? What if I didn’t lie, what if I just became the friend she could lean on? What if I didn’t kiss her on a whim back then? because fuck– Lucas was right, She wasn’t disgusted with me and I just took advantage of that, because I had to stop it. I had to prove to myself that I like girls and not, not you–”
“Michael, please…”, Both of them are full on sobbing and no matter how Will pleads him to stop talking, Mike couldn’t stop, he has to say everything.
“When you told me that El will always need me, that was bullshit isn't it? There’s no way in hell, El commissioned that for, for me because no one knows me better than you, all those details and you just saying what I needed to hear even if you hid behind her name– it had to be you… it was you saying that you will always need me, you… still need me. Right?” Mike looks at him with longing, his eyes saying, Please, Please tell me yes.
Will shatters his hopes, “You’re confused–”
“No, I’m not! When you told me all those things in the Van it didn’t sit right with me and fuck I’m so stupid, I knew something was wrong but I didn’t ask, I blamed it at the circumstance, the situation but no, I just couldn’t see how hurt you were that time and that was like a- a punch in the gut because I’m your paladin, always will be. I should be there to protect you and not, not cause you pain so, hearing you say that loving me hurts…” Mike's voice slowly fades into a whisper by that last phrase. He pauses and slowly, he tries to reach Will’s shaking hands above the table. He looked for discomfort or if Will flinched at his touch, he didn’t but he was watching, watching as Mike holds Will’s hands with both of his as if it’s made of glass.
There was a brief pause, Mike just caressing his hands before he asks with that soft voice Will recognizes so well, “Tell me, please, how can I make it right? How can I heal you? What do I need to do just so it can be just us again?”
Will chokes a sob before slowly shaking his head, “I’m sorry, It’s– fuck, Michael, You’re too late.”
“Well, what if he apologizes?,” Max asks
Will sighs. It’s been a week since Mike kissed him or more specifically broke his heart into a thousand pieces. Not his fault really but God, did it hurt. He loves Jane, maybe more than Mike ever did but sometimes he feels jealous. Not in the way it’s because it’s Jane, but because he isn’t in Jane’s place in Mike’s life. Jane is pretty, kind, strong, brave. Will loves that about her and he still mourns her from time to time. He gets reminded of her from the music he shared with her, from the clothes he gave her, from the eggos, and he gets reminded of her most when he thinks of Mike.
After the party went their own way after graduation, they kept in touch regularly trying to see everyone's free time and sharing stories from their daily life. Will though, after a couple of months of exchanging letters with Dustin and Lucas, found out that Mike has only sent a letter to them once a month. It surprised him as Mike kept in touch with him the most out of everyone. Mike’s letters contained… quite a lot. It always starts with:
Hi, Will :)
How are you? I miss you, I miss everyone.
From there, Mike would go on and discuss the current story he’s writing about, then he’ll write back about something Will said in his previous letter to him. Then Mike would mention Jane. He always mentioned “El”. About how he wishes she’s fairing well on her solo path, how he wishes she’s safe, how he felt like–
El was sending me signals, maybe she’s trying to reach me. I’m not sure yet.
That always breaks him. From there on something slowly grows out and inside of Will.
After the whole upside down debacle, Will had the time to understand his feelings towards Mike. Him likening Mike to a “Crush” was a lie. He loved him before he even knew it himself. That was no crush, he’s no T*mmy. He was someone Will wanted… because how could he not? Mike was different towards him than he did with Lucas and Dustin, they had a bond outside of the party. The bond that was just the two of them.
Mike always noticed when something was bothering him, always there to say the words Will couldn’t say himself, always knew what he needed at the moment, always knew what to say to comfort him, always knew what to do to make him feel better, always talked to him in that God awful soft voice no matter if they’re arguing or not– Mike was always there for him.
So how could he– the one who’s always (might be the only one, really, but the both of them don't realize that) receiving this much affection without him even asking for it– not fall for Mike Wheeler? Will didn’t really know much about love as early as 11 years old but he did notice the way Mike treated him differently. As if he’s something dear, something precious. He treated him in a way he didn’t with Lucas and Dustin. Sure, they’re still all close with each other but Mike– Mike was different, So, Blame him. Blame him if he started feeling something more towards his best friend.
At some point, he thought that this could go on forever, the idea of romantic feelings didn’t even register to him at such a young age, but he knew he wanted “this”... and he thought that maybe Mike also wanted “this” to go on forever. It would only come clear to Will what that feeling was when he watches Lucas and Max flirt on top of the hill while Dustin desperately tries to contact Suzie in the Cerebro. So, when Mike told him during that rainy night if he thought they wouldn’t grow up, have girlfriends, and would just play DnD forever, he was crushed. Because he did, and he felt pretty stupid to think that Mike wanted that as well. It was at that moment that it registered to him that Mike wouldn’t be with him forever. That he’s the only one who wished. Mike clearly didn’t feel the same way he did. Will felt a lot then as he biked in the rain. Shame mostly, coming into terms that they were right, he is gay. The other one was guilt, that he shouldn’t be feeling this way towards his best friend. Lastly, heartache, as fast as the realization dawned on him on what he’s feeling is as fast as the realization that his feelings cannot be returned.
Will never felt more alone than he did that day when he destroyed Castle Byers. His sadness turned to rage. With no one there to see, who the fuck really cared if he destroys it? Apparently, no one does, his mind supplies at that time.
Now, seeing Mike lose it over Jane’s death… he sympathizes. He understands. He knows. Will isn’t sure if it’s the same as Mike and Jane had something while Will had an unrequited love but… not being with the one you love for the rest of your life? Will knows that. So, even if it hurts him, shards pushing deeper in his heart, he reads all of Mike’s letters.
“I… I don’t know”, Will shrugs.
“God, he’s a piece of shit. He’s a bad friend, doing that the night of my wedding, bad best friend, doing that to you– and a bad boyfriend, goodness. He’s bad at everything.”, Max ranted as she put a palm on her forehead.
Will lets out a shaky laugh wanting to play off Max’s truth as a funny opinion but she was right, he still jokes though, “Dustin’s lucky.”
“Oh give it a year, Will.”, Max jokes back then turns into a serious tone clasping her hands together, “But seriously…”
“Yeah?”
“You don’t owe him anything. Even if he apologizes, whether he tells you that what the both of you did was a mistake, or when he said El’s name was a mistake– you don’t have to accept his apology. You got hurt, prioritize your feelings more. Be a little bit selfish, you know?” Max's tone was tender, they’d gotten really close over the years. Will almost became her Maid of Honor.
Will nodded slowly as if he’s still digesting the last part Max said.
“I just don’t know what even there is to apologize for though…”
“Oh yeah, If it’s Mike, he wouldn’t even probably apologize and just be all awkward” Max laughs, “But if he doesn’t apologize to you, just tell me. I’ll figure out how to send a punch through a letter.”
“Will, Please, I’m sorry, I can’t live knowing there’s a possibility that there could’ve been a future where it’s just the two of us, I just can’t please, Will, I’ll do anything. I fucked up, countless of times…” After that Mike just started breathing heavily, saying Will, Please, I’m sorry, in between his sobs.
Will calms down, or tries to. He tries to count as he holds his breath and releases them. It was hard to do it as he listened to Mike’s pleas. His voice was still shaky when he finally cut off Mike’s ramble.
“Mike… “ He calls him out first trying to steady the man in front of him. Will then takes his hand from Mike’s hold as Will holds his hands instead in return. He places Mike’s hand on top of his, caressing it gently with his thumbs as he stares at his eyes. When he did, he got caught in the moment for a second. He didn’t know if it was because it’s been a while since they’ve seen each other so vulnerable, eyes laid bare to see for each other, it was as if they can see each other’s soul… or maybe Will can just see Mike’s eyes filled with pain. He tries to continue speaking, “I’ve, I’ve moved on.”
He regretted saying it, not because it wasn’t true but because Mike looked like he just lost his life. He didn’t want to hurt Mike but he had to say it, he had to rip-off both his and Mike’s band-aid.
Will continued, “After you apologized for that kiss, when you said it was a mistake, I realized that, Oh, even if you might feel the same as me, you will never be ready. and– and that’s not what I wanted Mike. I want someone who wants me just as much as I want them, who isn’t afraid to be with me. I was selfish for once and it hurt, because I wanted to see if I can wait, if there will come a time where you can finally accept everything but we’re not young anymore for that. I had to choose. Whether to wait and wallow in sadness for an unknown amount of years or free myself from whatever this is and be happy– I chose to be selfish this time. It’s been almost –
Eight years since he started being comfortable with his sexuality and confident in his whole self.
It’s been seven years since he left Hawkins. Since he left all of it behind.
It’s been three years since he graduated college.
It’s been two years since he left his first job.
It’s been a year since he started avoiding Mike.
And finally, from then on, he’s now an illustrator for one of the biggest companies that produces comics and novels.
Breathing in a park at night in the middle of New York City was freeing. No one knows him, he can just be who he wants to be at the moment. He fiddles on the right earring he decided to wear whenever going outside. New York wasn’t that bad compared to Hawkins, as long as you stick to certain areas there’s less chance of being called a fag. Not that it hurts him the way it did before but if he’s not careful a verbal attack can turn into a physical one real quick.
So he frequents the park, he could’ve gone to a gay bar but he really wasn’t feeling it, besides, he has work tomorrow. Work was the reason he needed to breathe right now… and maybe Mike’s letter as well.
Will took a deep breath and exhaled, crossing his arms. He looks up at the sky and there’s rarely any stars. The sky was just deep and gets you lost in it the more you stare. It’s a rare moment where he just stares at something and thinks of nothing.
The quietness was broken by the man on a separate bench on his right. A can clicked open and Will instinctively looked. The man looked back. Their eyes meet.
Will, not wanting to look nosey, looks away quickly.
What the hell, William. It’s so obvious you were looking at him.
He hears a soft voice, “Uh… Do you want one?”
Will’s head slowly turns to the right, “Uh no, no, it’s okay”, he stutters, awkwardly smiling.
“No, it’s okay, I bought like, four cans,” The man said, then lifted a plastic bag placed on his right foot, “See?”
“Oh… Thank you then.”, Will curses how awkward he is. The man picks another canned beer from the plastic then scoots over to his left, handing the beer to Will without standing up. The distance between the benches is only a meter so it was easy to pass on.. He takes the can and opens it.
William sips and tries to open up a conversation, “So… What brings you to the park late at night?”
The man might have didn’t expect Will to talk casually like that as he apeared… flustered. Did he… just want to drink in silence?
“Um… I just need to unwind. It’s been tough.”
“Oh, I’m sorry”, Will says, trying to provide comfort. The other drinks again then sighs before replying.
“It’s okay, It’s just… my job, you know?”
Will… doesn’t get it but he kind of does, “If it makes you feel any better, I also left my apartment to unwind because of… my job.”
The man looks at Will and he doesn’t know if it’s a half grin or a sad smile but he replies, “Did you also get fired?”
Will’s eyes widen the looks away. He says, Oh, in his mind while his mouth tried to form anything, “I.. um, n–”
Before Will can even say no and sorry for the second time, he hears the man on his right let out a small chuckle, “No, that was fucked up. I made you uncomfortable. Sorry.”
He looks back again, meeting this stranger’s eyes once more, he speaks again, “I didn’t even introduce myself, I’m Will.”
“Huh? No way! I’m Will”, Will says back.
The man grinned, “Wilfred?”
“No, William”
“Damn, then that name is yours I guess, or should I call you Liam? Do people call you that?”
Will tilts his head, thinking, “No, that’s the first time I heard of that”
“Oh, then just call me Red, that’s more of uh- a personal nickname, Will’s more, uhm- casual? I don’t know, I’m sorry. I’m pretty tipsy right now.”
“You sure, you want me to call you Red?”
Red nods quite eagerly, “Yeah… you, you say it nicely…”
Will feels his cheeks flush– is he? are they? –
Will’s mind was battling against itself the whole night they talked, are they flirting? or is he just drunk? Is he even gay?
After an hour of drinking beer and talking about work and family, Will would get his answer after they stood up, now facing each other. Will can see clearly the silver earring glinting against the moonlight he wore on his right ear with a lobe piercing accompanying it on the same ear.
“Oh”
“Hmm?”, Red notices his eyes on his right ear, “Oh”
“So… uh”
Red smiles softly then pulls a pen and paper from his messenger bag, writing on it. He carefully peels the paper from the notepad and offers it to him.
“If you want to drink or just talk, call me… or– really, just call me, whatever reason it may be.”
Will felt his heart pound for the first time in a while. He slowly took the paper on Red’s hand, his fingers slightly brushing with his. Will looks up at the man in front of him, “Yeah”, then he smiles wide, showing his bunny teeth, “Yeah”
Red’s eyes widened at the sight of Will, blushing as well, “Yeah…”
Eleven years– If I- If I waited for that long, God– I can’t. That’s why I couldn’t contact you, I couldn’t reply to your letters, I chose to miss a few celebrations just to not see your face for three years because I wasn’t ready. That if I see you or heard your voice my pride would come crumbling down… but now, I’m ready.”
Will doesn’t miss the way Mike’s eyebrow flinched or the way his hands turned into a fist upon his hold.
“Seeing you doesn’t hurt anymore, I– I don’t feel that ache in my chest, I feel like drinking coffee again, I can draw Paladin Mike again with fondness, I can, I can think of you without holding my breath,” Will says with a smile even though hot tears fell down his cheeks.
“Will…”, Mike whispers his name, not to say anything after that but to just say it. To call for Will. Will’s lips wobble as he tries to smile at him and to stop his tears.
He wants to ask if the whole Upside Down thing didn’t exist, if they grew up just normally, if their bond stayed the same… could it have been possible? Mike wanted to ask but no matter what the answer is it will just break him. Because if it’s not possible, why not? If it was, why not in this universe? In this timeline? Mike realizes that he’s a hundred times more selfish than Will, because he wanted him, he wanted them to be together in this life.
“I know, I have nothing to be sorry for but Mike, I’m sorry. I- I broke our promise. We can’t go crazy together.”
Why? Why not?, Mike wanted to ask desperately.
Will squeezes his hand, as if he can see the question on Mike’s face, he answers eyes darting outside, “I already mourned us. I’ve moved on. I love... someone else.”
Mike followed his gaze, he was looking outside past the coffee shop’s glass.
Red was parked there watching him with concern. Mike watches as Will smiles at Red as if telling him, I’m okay.
It finally sinks in to Mike, Will doesn’t love him the way he did before. He can’t anymore because Mike hurt him, Mike made him wait, Mike wasn’t brave enough. So, he can answer the question himself.
Why is it not them in this timeline?
The answer is because of him.
As he watches their interaction, Mike feels like he’s swallowing shards of glass.
Ah.
They love each other.
Will returns his gaze with a new found relief, his voice now steady as he tells him, “I- I love you, Mike. I always will. Maybe in another life there could’ve been us but in this one…” He shakes his head, “I want us to stay friends, is that too selfish to ask? But I know, I know it’s going to be hard but when you’re ready… contact me. Let’s talk about that, that collaboration you want. I’ll draw for your novel or- or let’s plot a campaign together! Let’s gather the whole party and go on a vacation in summer, or let’s visit Lucas and Max– see their baby, or you can come over and visit Robin, or we can go to Montauk and crash in at mom and Hopper’s home…”
“Yeah?”
Will nods eagerly, “Yeah!”
There was a beat before Mike finally, finally says, “I love you too, William. I always will.” His voice held a different weight than when Will said I love you to him because he loves him, he really does and Mike thinks that moving on from Will Byers is impossible. So, yeah, I will always love you for the rest of my life.
Will lets go of his hands, wipes his eyes with the heel of his palms, breathing deeply in and out, “God–”
MIke does the same, removing his glasses, “Yeah… God…”
Will brushes his hair back trying to compose himself, then he mouths a I’ll be there to Red who just nodded back, concern still evident on his face.
“We made a scene, huh”, Mike jokes.
“I don’t expect anything less from us.”
“So… I guess… this is goodbye?”
“For now, yeah…”
Will takes his forgotten but still cold orange juice. He sips and puts it back down then he stands up.
“Will.”
“Yes?”
Mike doesn’t answer but he stands up and embraces him. It was the way Mike always did. Hands wrapped around his waist and his head tucked on Will’s shoulder, but this time it was tight, tighter than when he held him before they went to Lenora. Will hugs him back then caresses his back. Will wanted to say something, to whisper that everything will be okay but he doesn’t know that. So he stayed there, holding Mike, letting him decide when to let go. He can give him that much.
It took a minute before Mike let go reluctantly.
“Bye?” Mike asks.
“Bye.” Will says.
Will turns around but he doesn’t take a step yet, “See you soon.” Then he walks away.
Mike stood there watching his back. Watching as he opened the door, watching as he walked towards the car and sat himself in it. Watching as Red asks something. Watching as Will nodded. Watching as the car drove off.
He’s… just gonna be watching for the rest of his life isn’t he?
Watching as everyone moves on while he stands there. Mike stood there watching the pavement where their car was parked once.
He feels hollow.
Mike appeared light earlier, accepting their situation, but that was because he didn’t want to make it harder for Will. That’s the least that he can do for him. To let go gently… because Will wanted so.
But he’s never letting go... or will he?
Mike doesn’t know.
All he knows right now is he lost Will. Even if Will was so kind to ask for them to still be friends, even if Will still wants him to be a part of his life… He lost him. For good.
Mike’s eyes darted towards the table.
His coffee had gone cold.
-
The drive home was quiet but comforting, Red’s hand on his thighs, grounding him. When they’re finally inside their house, Red asks again, “Are you- are you sure? You good?”
“Yes, Wilfred” Will says with a teasing tone.
“Well, I’m sorry for worrying, William.” Red teases back
“I just cried a lot, but it was a good cry. I feel okay. I promise.” he assures him.
Red took a step forward then hugged him. They both hugged for God knows how long. Will relaxes in Red’s embrace, fully leaning against him. His head against Red’s chest while Red tucks his chin on Will’s head.
The sun shines through the window, the curtains fluttering against the wind. Will can smell the detergent they bought together and Will smiles at the thought that they smell the same as aside from the detergent, they use the same shampoo, same conditioner, same soap. Their clothes sometimes swapped, both borrowing each other's clothes. Will looks at the small kitchen across the living room, he thinks of how Red always cooks for the both of them whenever he can while he sits at the counter. He looks at the couch remembering how they would always cuddle on it, Red always getting up to get a blanket from their bedroom and putting it on them as they watch the television. Then Will remembers the nights when he gets nightmares.
It was still there, it happened after a stressful day or when something reminded him of the upside down but Red was always there. Cradling Will, he whispers, You’re here, You’re with me, I’ll keep you safe, You’re safe.
Red doesn’t ask much about what the nightmares are about but he did told him he can say it whenever he wants. He’s there to listen.
And he wants to tell him and before it’s because the reason was so ridiculuous, Red might leave him. But now, it just doesn’t matter anymore. Anyway, even if Will doesn’t tell Red, he comforts him as if he knows.
Everywhere Will looked, it was full of love.
Will mutters under his breath, “I love you.”
Will felt Red stiffen in his grasp then he pulled away, looking WIll in his eyes, “I love you too, so much. God– I love you, William. I do.”
It’s not that Will doesn’t say it, but he never said it first. Will saying I love you first felt like a breath of fresh air for the both of them. It was freeing. It feels right.
Will holds Red’s face with both of his palm, settling in between his neck and jaw, thumbs caressing his cheeks, “Thank you for trusting me, for being patient, for being there.”
Then, Will leans forward, slightly raising on his heel and kisses Red.
It was soft, slow, and gentle.
It was everything.
Will can feel Red’s hands on his waist, their tongues intertwinning, his own hands pulling Red closer, the warmth in the living room.
He felt alive.
Red was the one to pull from their kiss, turning around towards a cabinet and pulling something out.
It was a small red box.
Red slowly walks towards him and kneels.
“I wanted for it to be more romantic but now it just feels so right…”
“Red…”, Will says as he hovers a palm over his mouth.
Red opens the box, “William Jacob Byers, Will you marry me? –”
“Yes! Yes– yes, oh God. Yes.”, Will kneels with him. Both of them are tearing up now.
There were two rings inside the box. One was thicker than the other. Both didn’t have any stone but it was a smooth silver ring with both of it having a cursive “Will” engraved outside. Later on when Will fiddles with it, he’d find a “Red x Liam” engraved inside of it.
It was a quiet statement of their loud love for each other.
Red pulls the smaller one and wears it on Will. Will then takes on the ring left and wears it on Red. They then share a passionate kiss that turned into Red pecking all over Will’s face. His cheeks, His nose, His Forehead, His mole near his lips. Will laughs at his antics.
“You do know we can’t get married right?”
“So what? Then this is going to be the longest engagement the world will ever see.”, Red says with a smug look on his face.
They don’t know it yet but they’ll only be engaged for 13 years because they will get married in 2011. Just a month after gay marriage was legalized in New York City.
They stayed kneeling– well, they plopped on the floor– for a while, bantering and fantasizing about their wedding. About which celebrity will they invite, what music will play on the piano, what food will be served in the reception, what will they wear.
Will watched as Red talked about the flowers he wanted there and suddenly he felt that ache in his chest, not out of pain but out of happiness.
He’s okay.
He’s fine.
He’s safe.
He’s loved.