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After everything went down at Starcourt last summer, Robin thought it was completely reasonable to find solace in her dreams. At least she wasn't having horrific nightmares anymore.
Being trapped in an elevator with no way out, crazy Russian doctors with drugs and bone saws, giant flesh monsters ripping apart the mall and chasing her down the street. These things terrorized her regularly and they never got any less horriffic. Seeing that kinda stuff in movies couldn't possibly prepare you for the real thing. There was a feeling of helplessness that sat in Robin's stomach and refused to leave. A tiny yet dense seed that lingered as a constant reminder of just how small she was in comparison to all of it.
There were more things she didn't experience. More nightmares to be had. The idea of unkillable monsters with hundreds of teeth and an eldrich smoke being that haunted Hawkins? She had far less to complain about.
So she didn't complain.
For months her sleepless nights waged war with her psyche. She got out of bed, went to school, participated in band practice, worked at family video... until she had to go back to bed again. Days weren't the hard part. She could meander through life pretending everything was fine.
Until eight months later, a switch had been flicked. Suddenly the terrors followed her during waking hours and dreams were her only escape. People didn't normally see visions, did they? Russian soldiers stalking her periphery, flesh monsters in the distance, things moving beneath her skin, the room cracking apart, spiders crawling along the walls and floors…
It was just that… for a few days. But then this headache pounded at her temples and never ended, no matter how many pills she took or how much water she drank. Only lying down seemed to help, but even then, the moment she even thought about getting up, the pain returned in full force.
After that started, sometimes, in the middle of a conversation, the person she was talking to… just changed. Infected with the dark veins of the Mind Flayer like Billy Hargrove had been. And they'd say things. Awful things. Robin never knew her name could be said with such vitriol and malice. Like she was a rot, a blight upon the Earth. They'd say they knew. That they knew what she was— her deepest, darkest secret that only two people in the entire world were supposed to know.
Then she blinked and everything was fine. She was sweating, nervous, and gross. But the room was bright and normal again. Her conversation partner only looked at her like she saw a ghost. Not like they were disgusted by her romantic and sexual preferences.
In class, Robin could've sworn she heard her name being whispered right beside her ear. It hadn't been scary, just… urgent. So she turned, and all she got were confused looks.
In the bathroom, while she stared in the mirror at the dark rings under her eyes, someone had definitely come in. She didn't look to see who it was, but… when she was done with her exercise in vanity, nobody else was in the room.
But all of that paled in comparison to the stalker that kept staring at her from uncovered windows. They barely looked like a person, but she couldn't will herself to look long enough to tell why. The moment she blinked or glanced away, they disappeared.
Had she finally lost it? Was this her brain's rebellion for refusing to see a shrink? What could she tell them? No one would believe her! And if she accidentally let slip that she liked girls? Forget doctor/patient confidentiality. Even if being gay wasn't classified as a mental illness anymore, they'd most certainly tell her parents she was a danger to herself or others.
Her parents, who had loved her. She'd thought for a while now how they'd probably be accepting of her if she told them. More than likely, in fact. But she just couldn't bring herself to. They'd worry about her. Constantly fear that something would happen. Robin heard what they said on the news. How they spoke about people like her. Even if her parents thought it wasn't wrong, others did. More recently, though, with the whispering behind closed doors… she wasn't so sure.
Maybe she'd been wrong.
For a long time, Robin thought she wasn't the type to get crushes. But then Tammy Thompson came along. And now? Oh, she wished she didn't get crushes again.
Steve was her best friend. Currently her only friend. And they stopped joking around about girls. Robin just didn't have the energy. He noticed. God, why was he so caring? When did he change from popular duchebag Steve "The Hair" Harrington to Steve the babysitter and genuinely good person.
Before she could hang out with him.
Their drives were quieter. Shifts longer and excruciatingly boring. He used to ask her if she was okay, but she didn't know how to respond.
So he stopped asking.
And Robin stopped accepting rides from him.
She had a bike. She could take herself to school and work like she used to. If she didn't, he'd try and force a confession out of her. How could she tell him? She knew he still had feelings for Nancy, despite the fact he constantly denied it. Being into his ex-girlfriend was like, a crime.
Especially since Nancy was straight.
Robin couldn't tell anyone that the only thing that brought her solace these days was Nancy Wheeler. Robin never spoke to Nancy Wheeler, not when they saw each other at school. Not even in their shared homeroom and lunch. They barely glanced at each other in Family Video when Nancy popped in with her younger brother and his friends to rent a few tapes over the weekend, but that was entirely professional.
She felt like a creep.
Maybe if she told Steve months ago that she couldn't get the image of Nancy fighting that monster out of her head, she wouldn't be in this situation. That when Nancy snapped at her in the mall, asking who the hell she was, the only reason Robin didn't stall-out was the general confusion of post-truth-serum-high and large group dynamics. That, and the fact a little girl had superpowers and people in town were getting flayed and a giant monster was going to destroy the world.
That night, Robin realized she was wrong about Nancy for years. When Barbara Holland stopped being her best friend in middle school, Robin blamed Nancy. Nancy was Barb's best friend now; she didn't need Robin anymore. When Tammy was obsessed with Steve while he only had eyes for Nancy— well, she didn't blame Nancy for that. She just didn't understand the appeal in either of them.
But in reality, Nancy tried to find Barb when she went missing and did help find Will Byers. She owned honest-to-God-guns. Plural. She could throw fireworks like they were grenades and getaway drive like it was her job. She wasn't a priss or a princess too good for everyone else in Hawkins.
She was just too good for her.
Nancy already had Jonathan Byers, and even though he moved to California, she wasn't returning to the dating market. She was taken. Committed. Off limits. In a couple years, she'd be off to Emerson college and Robin would be… stuck in Hawkins, probably.
Her grades were slipping. They had been all year, but this week? Oh, it was bad. She failed a math test. Missed a few classes because she needed to hide in the nurse's office to stave away the headache splitting her skull open. There was no way she'd catch up on notes. She neglected all of her homework since the moment she got home, she instantly crashed into bed, exhausted.
Robin was going to fail.
She'd be held back a grade if she couldn't get back on track. They'd force her into counselor Kelly's office until she broke. The thought reminded her of being interrogated. Jesus.
The only person Robin could talk to was Nancy. The Nancy in her head. The one who visited her in nightly dreams, giving her the only comfort she could stomach. The only catharsis that felt genuine.
In her dreams, Robin was free. She was in Paris, Barcelona, Florence… wherever she wanted to be. And Nancy was always by her side. They talked in cafés about museums and art and food. They talked on balconies— observing the beautiful cities— about ambitions, desires, and the nature of love. In bed, they talked about their favorite films, music, books… and each other.
Nancy's kiss was everything Robin wanted it to be. Soft, warm, gentle… until it was deep, passionate, and a little mean (but in a really good way). Her hands were perfect, holding her in all the right places. Even when they were just walking down the streets of London, Robin felt Nancy's hand in hers and everything was right with the world.
That perfection was locked behind sleep. Barred from Robin's reach unless she fully surrendered herself to time. Let it pass her by without a second thought. No matter how hard she tried to imagine it, Robin couldn't get there. It didn't feel right. She still tried.
Robin tried to retreat into daydreams until the seed of helplessness grew and split apart. It opened a gaping hole of dread in her stomach that got worse when her parents tried to confront her after the news ran stories of two Hawkins teens that committed suicide that week. They said she wasn't acting like Robin Buckley anymore. They took her bike away, just in case she tried to run away again. To prevent her from riding straight down the quarry or into oncoming traffic.
She insisted that she was fine, but they wouldn't listen. They couldn't help her. In fact, they were making it worse, because now all Robin felt was fear around them… and she couldn't fall sleep that night.
She laid awake over the covers, staring at the ceiling, eyes burning dry, begging her to blink. Body aching from stiffness from being still for so long. The tears ran out hours ago. Robin felt numb.
Only then did Robin feel a physical urge. Her head slowly turned to the side and she saw Nancy sitting in the desk chair, waiting for her, a patient look on her face.
"Hey, Robin. Another bad day?"
"Yeah," she rasped, her voice barely working.
"I can help you forget about it, if you want. I can make it go away."
Dream Nancy usually asked if Robin wanted to talk about it, or if she wanted to forget. After a few tries at talking about it and things not getting easier, she chose to just pretend like it wasn't happening. The technique worked better in dreams than it did during the day.
Nancy stood and walked over, reaching out. After taking her hand, Robin was pulled upwards until she was sitting with her legs off the side, Nancy standing in between them.
"You look really pretty," Nancy whispered.
"Really?" Robin tried to joke, "I feel like a corpse."
"You definitely don't look like one."
Robin looked over to the mirror on her closet door. Nancy was right. She didn't. The dark spots under her eyes were gone. The knots in her hair had been combed out. Maybe she had taken much better care of herself that morning than she thought.
A hand touched Robin's cheek and led her to look upwards, back at Nancy. God, she loved looking at Nancy. She wasn't just pretty, she was gorgeous. Beautiful. She made Robin weak just by being near her. She'd do anything for her.
Nancy said, softly, "We can go out on the roof. Watch the sun rise. I wanted to talk to you about something."
"Uh oh," Robin chuckled half-heartedly, "am I in trouble?"
"No. God, no. It's… about leaving, actually. Just us."
"Operation Croissant two-point-oh?"
Nancy hummed in affirmation, a smile creeping onto her face. They'd talked about it before, Robin's plan back in sophomore year to flee Hawkins and travel to Europe. She'd originally tried to find someone to go with her, but nobody seemed right. Nobody until Nancy.
In her dreams, Robin wasn't exactly aware that she was dreaming, but she knew subconsciously she couldn't stay in that world forever. Something told her this time was different. That she wouldn't have to leave Nancy, the only thing that felt more real than real life.
"Am I dreaming?" she asked, just to be sure.
"Does it feel like you're dreaming?"
Nancy was physically in her bedroom. Yeah, it felt like a fever dream. Robin nodded.
"Robin," Nancy scolded, but it wasn't mean. She leaned down and pulled Robin closer until their lips touched. She could taste her lip gloss.
After Nancy pulled away, leaving Robin in a blushing mess, she rubbed Robin's cheek with her thumb. It kept her calm. Focused.
"I guess not. Have I lost my mind? How are you here? I mean, really here?" Robin glanced at her bedside alarm clock to be sure. 4:57 am.
Though Robin's dreams were incredibly vivid, time didn't read correctly in them. She supposed that was normal. But if her clock was working now? She waited until the minute ticked over. Yep. Not dreaming.
"You're just as insane as I am," Nancy said.
"Are you a figment of my imagination?"
"Do you really want the answer to that question?"
"No, I just want to make sure I'm not developing any disorders without my knowledge."
Nancy giggled, "You're going to be fine, Robin. Come on, you need some air."
They stepped out onto the roof and sat down in the folding chairs Robin had set out at the beginning of the school year. The last person who had been up here with her was Steve, but that was over a month ago, way before things got bad. Having Nancy on her personal roof escape, though, wow. It's exactly the reason she made it.
The sky was getting lighter by the minute, but stars still twinkled overhead. The last bit of night before the dawn… peace before daybreak… when Hawkins still slept and the streets were calm.
"I really like this," Robin whispered.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. I like being with you."
"I like being with you too, Robin. I see you, for who you are. I'm not afraid of it," she reached out for Robin's hand again.
Robin took it, needing to feel tethered to something. She thought back to her parents. The town. Tammy. The real Nancy Wheeler. "But they are, aren't they?"
Nancy sighed, "They just don't understand it, that's all. They wouldn't understand us."
"Some people could," Robin said hopefully, "I know there's others like me. Like us."
For some reason, she couldn't remember who knew about her being a lesbian. Didn't she tell someone? Wasn't there another gay person in Hawkins? She could have sworn there was.
"Who, Robin? Who here? Sure, there are others like us, but they're on the news, dying or being arrested or sent to asylums. It doesn't have to be that way," Nancy squeezed her hand just a little too tight. "I don't want you to end up like that."
She scoffed, "Now you sound like my parents."
"That's different. I don't want you to hide who you are just so you're safe. We've got a plan to get out of here. A real plan. Everything's all ready to go."
"Ready to… h-how?"
"Under your bed. The dufflebag you packed two years ago. I took the liberty of re-packing it. Clothes, money, passport, Polaroid, dictionaries."
Robin wanted to get up and go check right then, but Nancy held her down.
"Hold on," she continued, "or you'll miss it."
Nancy nodded over to the horizon, and there it was. Sunrise. "One more day in Hawkins, think you can manage that?" she asked.
"Can't we just go now?" Robin complained.
"You don't want to do that."
Sighing, Robin conceded. Nancy was right. She didn't want to leave without saying goodbye, even if she wouldn't be able to actually verbalize what she was feeling, or what she was about to do. She could write notes, slip them into lockers like she did with Kate two years ago.
Kate, Milton… the Odd Squad, or, what was left of it. Damn, she hadn't really spoken to them at all senior year. Now wasn't a great time to start.
What an awful friend she was.
Giving up on them because they just didn't know about the truth. Giving up on Barb after she made a new friend in middle school. Giving up on Steve because she was actively betraying him. Pretending the real Nancy Wheeler didn't exist because the thought of being rejected by her absolutely destroyed Robin.
So she made up her own Nancy. After everything that happened last summer, that's been going on for years underneath everyone's noses… was it really that crazy? There was no chance in hell she'd ever find someone as perfect as her for Operation Croissant (God, why did she name it that? So stupid), so Robin gave up on looking.
Robin gave up on ever finding love for herself.
Robin gave up on herself.
And she never felt better.
After everything that happened at Starcourt, Nancy was dead-set on Emerson. Head of the school newspaper, internship at the Hawkins Post, straight-As. All of it was to make sure she got where she wanted to be, even though it pained her to be reminded of the boss she murdered… until he merged with that disgusting thing and revealed he was pretty much already gone. What a nightmare.
Sure, she got them sometimes. She used to be able to call Jonathan whenever she had one, and then he'd be over as soon as he could, or she'd be at his place in no time at all. But now he was gone, and even before then, things had begun to feel off. So she dealt with them alone.
Steve became good company when they happened to see each other at the video store, or when they crossed paths at basketball games. Careful to not get too close to him since he was striking out with the dates recently, Nancy found their talks surprisingly refreshing.
They both went through it, and he admitted how hard it was to deal with. He acknowledged how hard it was for Nancy to deal with, specifically, seeing as her torture didn't end when the Russians and supernatural creatures disappeared. Nancy had to deal with newspaper assholes treating her like garbage just because she was a girl, though, admittedly, it was far less awful than it used to be. That wasn't a great feeling to have.
Though, if Nancy was being honest with herself, most people treated her like shit. After she got that call from Mrs. Driscoll and the hospital receptionist hated her for no reason— well, okay, the second time, maybe she had a reason. But the first? Ugh. Cops hated her too, now that Hopper was gone.
It made her investigation into Chrissy Cunningham's sudden death, ruled a suicide only recently, very difficult. But Nancy knew it wasn't a suicide. Eddie Munson had been there. He saw her body rise into the air and the ravines split open her arms.
She didn't know Eddie personally, but Mike's friends really believed in him. Mike would have been there for him too, but he was in California. Safe, thank God. But unable to help.
Nancy could have been there for Fred Benson, but she was too wrapped up in her story to pay attention to how odd he was acting. For a while, he had been extremely anxious. Jumpy and reclusive. Fred had always been a little socially awkward, but… that was new, even for him.
Until suddenly he was back to normal. Better than normal. He seemed genuinely happy for the first time since the beginning of the school year. When she asked if he wanted to go on a little field trip, he was excited. Like it was an adventure.
One last adventure.
That happiness barely lasted a day.
She found him almost an hour too late by the side of the road. Arms split open, just like Chrissy's. But there wasn't a weapon. The only blood around was the pools seeping into the earth, staining the dirt.
When she saw the group arrive at the crime scene, she knew something was horribly, horribly wrong. Sitting around a picnic table in the trailer park where Eddie and Max lived, Nancy explained what had been going on with Fred until Steve began to mutter no repeatedly under his breath. The look of dread on his face made Nancy's heart break.
"Robin," he said, "That's happening to Robin."
Robin Buckley. She works with Steve. She cracked the Russian code that led them underneath Starcourt.
They saw each other at school. They even shared a class and lunch period. Yeah, Nancy noticed. She noticed Robin at games and pep rallies. She noticed her sitting alone waiting for band practice to start while everyone else left school for the day.
After doing some digging, Nancy found out Robin was the one who crashed Steve's junior prom, without a date, wearing an outfit that entirely violated the dress code. She even danced with a girl before being chased out by Hopper. There were rumors she made her parents' car explode, damaging others, and that's why she wasn't allowed to drive.
Robin worked at the Hawk movie theater before working at Scoops Ahoy. She used to hide in Mr. Hauser's classroom during lunch. She played french horn in marching band before switching to trumpet. She never had a lot of friends.
But now… it seemed like she had no friends, not even Steve. And he used to hang out with her daily. They worked together, he drove her around, they endured Russian torture together.
He explained her symptoms. Paranoia, being constantly on-edge. Looking like she was seeing things that weren't there. Anxiety, depression… retreating from everyone around her. Robin barely spoke a word over the past few days— and she was always talking.
Robin was the next victim. And if the pattern held up… she'd be happy tomorrow. Eerily happy. And then she'd die.
For the cherry on top, Max confessed she'd been feeling that way too. Haunted. She had first hand experience with the supernatural curse that plagued random Hawkins teenagers. Hearing what Max had been going through… it made Steve cry. Nancy nearly cried. It didn't take a detective to know that he was mortified about Robin. That he blamed himself for not pushing harder to reach her.
Nancy realized that's how she felt about Barb, and it was all happening again. She had no idea why she didn't try talking to Robin. The girl seemed nice, smart, friendly. She was there, at the mall. Though she was new to Demogorgons and Mind Flayers and the Upside Down… she still knew about them. And she only had Steve to help her through it.
Nancy had Mike, Jonathan and Steve. She could've talked to Mike's friends if she was so desperate. But could Robin? Evidently not.
And now this Vecna guy had her the same way he had Max and— oh dear God— they were both going to die if they didn't do something. Who knows how many more would. They needed to find a way to stop the curse and they needed to figure it out now.
Nancy had one lead. A shot in the dark. Victor Creel.
She followed that trail to the library but found nothing on him. Eddie's uncle told her Victor was being held in Pennhurst Asylum… so she had to check. She couldn't go alone, no one would take her seriously. So she'd have to take Steve.
It took a great deal of convincing to get him to agree to go that far outside of town. Max would be fine, they hoped. She had time. The kids were keeping her company in Nancy's basement so she wouldn't be alone, but… she sure kept them all at a distance anyway.
Steve wanted to be with Robin. She'd been grounded until further notice, her parents told him. They were worried about her too, and had it all under control. She wouldn't be hurting herself. They'd keep an eye on her. But perhaps Robin had been spending too much time around Steve. After all, he was the only thing in her life that changed.
They thought her odd behavior was because of a boy. Steve insisted, of course, that they were Platonic with a capital P. They didn't listen… he couldn't give them a good alternative reason.
So he did what he always did when he wanted to see a girl. He climbed through her window. What he found… nearly broke him. Robin was just laying in her bed. Unresponsive. Her eyes were open, but she didn't flinch. It was like she couldn't even see him. Like he wasn't even there.
Nancy convinced her newspaper team to help forge official documents and letters of recommendation, and they got an appointment with the hospital director the next afternoon.
While she got ready that morning, the kids went to follow Max's lead, visiting the school to see if there was anything helpful in Mrs. Kelly's office. A connecting thread. A reason why. Right before she left to go pick up Steve, Dustin's voice came in on Nancy's walkie. Not only did they find a connecting thread between Chrissy, Fred, and Max (trauma)… they found Robin.
Nancy was lucky she didn't get a speeding ticket. Dustin kept his push-to-talk button held down so she could hear Robin talk to them. Their conversation was brief, but memorable. The tone of Robin's voice was happy, yes, but hollow.
"I just forgot some notes in my locker. I came to get them," she said.
"You broke into the school to get some notes?" Dustin asked incredulously.
"Uh, yeah. I have a big test in history next week. I'd rather not waste my entire spring break stuck in my room all sad. My grades are slipping as it is."
"Why would you be…?" that was Max.
"I was grounded. For terrible grades. Normal stuff, guys, chill. Anyway, I gotta go before they notice I've left the house. Kinda not supposed to do that."
"Wait! Robin!" Dustin called out after her.
A barrage of questions about Vecnas curse were ignored. The signal cut just as Nancy pulled up in front of the main entrance. Slamming the car door behind her, Nancy ran into the building and nearly smacked into the girl.
"Oh, hey Nance!" Robin said cheerfully, like she'd known her for ages, "I didn't know you'd be back so soon."
That was weird.
"Hi, Robin. What… do you mean?"
She looked confused for a minute, blinked a few times, then smiled. An unnatural giggle escaped her lips. It sounded like she was high or something. "Oh, sorry. Don't mind me. I thought you were someone else."
That was weird. Alarms were blaring within Nancy, pulling her towards the truth. "But you said my name. Just now."
"Yeah, I did do that didn't I?"
"Robin," Nancy said firmly, putting a hand on Robin's shoulder to keep her from trying to push past. "I know about what you've been seeing. The visions."
Dustin, Max, and Lucas ran up behind Robin, stopping when they saw Robin turning to look back at them.
"Hey, Dustin. You see her too, right?" Robin pointed back at Nancy with her thumb.
"Uh… yeah. We're trying to help you, you know," he said, annoyed.
"Sorry!" she raised her hands in a sort of mock-surrender. "I didn't mean to upset you, but I don't need any help."
Max crossed her arms. "We think you really, really do."
Nancy pursed her lips, trying to think faster. Then it came to her. "Robin… did you see Steve last night?"
Robin cocked her head and furrowed her eyebrows. "Steve?" she asked, like she had no idea who that was. Then Nancy saw it. Her eyes widened ever so slightly, she had to remember him. "No, I didn't see him. I've been grounded."
"No, that's not what I mean. He went up to your window last night. That's what he told me, anyway. Said you were laying in bed… not moving."
"Well, he didn't knock to let me know he was there. If he did I would have—"
"The window was open, Robin. He went in."
Robin stumbled backwards a couple steps. "Okay, now I get it. You're fucking with me! Super not cool, guys."
Denial. First stage of realization after an abrupt shock. Nancy could work with this. If she was right and this Vecna guy could mess with memories… it was like Will when he was flayed. They were connected after all.
Robin continued, "Listen, after a long while feeling like absolute shit, I'm finally having an okay day! A good day, even. So could you just—"
Anger. Nancy cut in, "That's what we're worried about. I know it sounds crazy."
"But we're not messing with you," Max said like a promise, "The nightmares. Headaches. Then… visions. During the day. It's happening to me too."
That gave Robin pause. For a moment, Nancy thought they got through to her. Devastation overtook Robin's expression as she realized she hadn't been entirely alone in her experience. Depression. They were close.
Then Robin said something that shocked Nancy. It surprised the boys too. "The good dreams?"
After a grimace and a side glance towards Lucas, Max nodded. "Yeah. The good dreams too. That's… one way to put it, at least."
"Good dreams?" Lucas asked hesitantly, "What's this about?"
Max hadn't mentioned them before. It didn't look like she was going to explain them now, either.
"It doesn't matter," Robin said, sighing. She hung her head and closed her eyes, patting her hands against her thighs. "Nancy, please let me leave."
Barganing. But then… Robin smiled. It was small, content, reflexive. She probably didn't even know she was doing it. When she finally looked up, her gaze landed over Max's head, facing the exact opposite direction of Nancy. Her mouth moved in a wordless hey.
But there was no one there.
That wasn't acceptance. Someone answered her bargain. Vecna.
"I'm gonna just—" Robin mumbled as she stepped between Max and Dustin.
"Do we just let her go?" Lucas asked in disbelief as she walked away and turned a corner.
"She's got time, I think," Max said, unsure.
"Chrissy was taken early in the night," Nancy recounted, "Fred in the late evening. A few hours, at least. But not much."
"Guys, did you notice? She wasn't holding any notes," Dustin said.
Lucas scoffed, "Yeah, she lied. So what?"
"Notes," Max mumbled. Then it clicked. "She wasn't taking notes! She was leaving them."
"How do you know?" Lucas asked.
"I've… felt the urge to write them too. Dustin, check your locker. Lucas, do you know Erica's combination?"
"No, but I can get in."
Nancy felt the compulsion to check hers too. She replayed the encounter in her mind… Robin acted so… casual with her. Then… she asked if Dustin could see her.
Was Robin having visions of her? Wouldn't it make more sense if…
She ran out to her car to grab the walkie, after picking it up from her passenger seat she pleaded, "Steve? Steve, are you there?"
Instantly his voice came through. He had been waiting for her. "Yeah, Nance. I'm here. What's taking you so long?"
"Check your mailbox."
"What?"
"Just do it!" she snapped, heading back into the building.
"Okay, okay, jesus. I'm going. Can you please tell me what's going on?"
"Robin's at school. We think she left notes in lockers, but… you're not in school anymore, so." The march to Nancy's locker was a bit long. She came in on the complete opposite end of the hallway.
"She's awake? She's moving?"
"Yeah. Yeah, she's okay. For now."
The line was silent for a long time. Long enough for her to reach her locker and start inputting the combination.
"Steve?" Nancy prompted as the lock popped and the metal door creaked open.
"Yeah, I got something."
So did she.
"If it hurts to much to read it," she said gently, "don't force yourself, okay? Just wait for me. I'll be right there. You don't have to be alone."
"Okay," his voice broke. Something told her he was already reading it.
So Nancy leaned against the wall of lockers and opened her note too. If she couldn't be there physically, she could be there in spirit.
Nancy Wheeler,
I know you don't know me that well, if at all, but I wanted to say thanks. If you weren't at the mall when the Mind Flayer showed up, we all probably would have died. I guess I felt like we had a chance because of you. Like I could throw fireworks at it too, because I saw you just go for it.
I've been feeling pretty low since then. I know that's not your problem, but… in a way, you've helped me through it too. I'm sorry this is so weird. I'd ask you to not share this with anyone, but by the time you read this it won't matter. I like you, Nancy. Like, really like you. I hope that's okay. I guess it doesn't matter, but it'd be nice if you didn't hate me.
I thought you should know, that way I won't feel tempted to come back. Hawkins sucks, doesn't it? I hope you get into Emerson. That's the college you want to attend, right? I've seen your shirts. Your articles in the paper are really good. Like, leagues better written than the others. You've made me actually read about sports and I didn't despise every second of it. If you don't hear back from them, it's their loss.
I wish I was as brave as you. That I had the courage to actually talk to you. I wish I could have gotten to know you. The real you, instead of the version of you I made up in my head. Maybe we could have been friends if my stupid crush didn't get in the way. I probably would have loved that.
Sorry if this just weirded you out. Believe me, I get it. If it didn't… then, this is yours.
Love,
Robin
Tears ran down Nancy's cheeks. She couldn't be the reason someone else died. She just couldn't. The trauma that kept Robin under Vecna's curse was fear. Constant fear that everyone in town would hate her. Treat her like she was untouchable. Somehow, Nancy knew what that felt like.
She pressed the letter to her chest and vowed, silently, that she didn't hate Robin Buckley. She couldn't, not for that. Not after they fought a hive mind together. Not after she was there for Steve when he had no one else. Not when, maybe, just maybe, Nancy understood what it felt like to love another girl.
She vowed to not let Robin die. Not her, or Max, or anyone. Nancy could figure this out. She had to.
She pushed the button on her radio. "Steve? You doing okay?"
After a beat he answered, "Uh, yeah. Fuck. Yeah, I'm fine. God. Uh, Nance? Did you get a letter too?"
"Yep."
"Did she uh… say anything… about… how she's been feeling?"
Nancy sighed. He really was a good guy. "I appreciate your discretion, Steve. I get why you emphasized platonic now."
"With a capital P. Yeah, okay. Cool. I can't believe she thought I'd be mad at her. I mean, I get it, man. You're really something else."
Nancy rolled her eyes, biting back a groan. Maybe she spoke too soon. "Steve, now's really not the time."
"No, I'm saying… that's what I told her. She asked me about you once. Not directly, just… asking about relationship experience. I must've sounded like an asshole. I had no idea."
If it was any consolation, Nancy didn't know either. "Then let's save her, Steve. You can apologize. We both can."
"Right. Okay. Get your ass over here. We're taking the Beemer."
Nancy couldn't stay with her all day. Not yet. Robin needed to focus on making sure she put all of her affairs in order, that way she'd be okay with leaving. Once she gave herself closure, she could fly to Paris and never look back. Start a new life.
First was her parents. She left the note on her bed. They'd find it there.
Then was Kate. And Milton. They deserved to know how much she missed them, and how awful she felt for letting their friendships fade away. She even wrote one to Dash, just to vent out how disgusting of a person he was.
She wrote one to Mr. Hauser. He had always been her favorite teacher. He encouraged her to persue her dream of travel. Encouraged her to try doing something with her life. It was the only note she wasn't completely happy with. There was a feeling she couldn't shake, like there was something important it was missing.
After that was Dustin. Then Erica. They all went through hell together. They rescued her from evil Russians, saving her life. They deserved to know how thankful she was.
She tried writing one to Barb, but she couldn't find the words.
Robin saved the hardest for last.
Steve,
If someone told me a year ago that we were about to become best friends, I wouldn't have believed them. I don't need to tell you why. But that's what's so funny about it. You're not cool, and that's what makes you so cool.
Does that make any sense?
I'm sorry I've been so out of it lately. I think maybe I wasn't meant to be in this world. I know I'm not what everyone would say I am, if they knew about me. But they'd all think that way, and that's all that really matters. It's not fair to you.
This isn't either. God, I wasn't going to tell you, that's the worst part. But you should know, all those times you asked if I liked someone? I had an answer. It wasn't nobody.
It was Nancy. It's still Nancy.
You get it though, don't you? Why I couldn't say anything? I know you still love her. For good reason. And it's so fucked up to go after your best friend's ex. I couldn't. I didn't even try.
It's okay, if you think I'm disgusting too. Maybe it's better I ignored you for so long, it might make it easier for you to forget me. Still, I'm sorry I did that. It was an awful thing to do.
But hey, nobody will think we're a thing anymore. It might help you get more babes. Probably not, but. One day you'll find the perfect girl. Or hey, maybe try guys. I've seen the way you look at
If you do think I'm a monster, well, you'll never have to see me again. So, that's something.
If you don't find me utterly abhorrent, you won't have to worry about me anymore. By the time you read this, I'll be far away from Hawkins, soaring through the air on my way to Europe. If you miss me, just imagine me sipping coffee at a café while reading some thick novel like a fancy academic and you won't be too far off.
You'll always be my favorite dingus,
Robin
Writing a letter to the living, breathing, Nancy Wheeler was, funnily enough, the easiest note to write. Like she'd known what she'd say for a while. Robin was still glad to have written it last, though. It seemed fitting.
She delivered Steve's first, half to make up for his importance and half because it was the closest stop to her house. Then she went to the school, where things got complicated.
When she saw Nancy, she thought it was her Nancy. How stupid of her. She probably looked like an idiot.
Why would Nancy Wheeler ever talk to her?
It was so strange. Her and the strange-children-who-were-now-freshman sounded as crazy as she did. But then… Max said she'd been seeing things too.
They were all lying to her.
But how would they know what's going on inside her head? She never told anyone. Never wrote anything down. Not in English, anyway. Robin was great at keeping secrets; she'd been keeping hers for years.
It didn't matter how they knew, she would be leaving soon.
So Robin did what Nancy— her Nancy— told her to do. If she needed help to be brave, if the visions returned, or even if she needed a kiss to make the headache go away, all Robin had to do was think really hard and call out her name. It worked. Nancy was there in an instant. She showed her the way out.
Nothing else mattered.
Not caring felt so good. Robin wished she'd thought of it sooner. The awkwardness of the morning slipped away so she could focus on her mission. She needed to go home to grab her go-bag. Nancy would be waiting for her there.
Robin didn't mind the walk. It was kind of nice, and a precursor to what she'd experience in Europe. There, nobody would find it odd she couldn't drive. Biking and walking everywhere was normal. She couldn't wait for the scenery to change. Sure, every place had its problems, but she'd be coming from Hawkins. Robin doubted she'd ever take that for granted.
"Music has a particularly calming effect on the broken mind. The right song, particularly one which holds some personal meaning…" Dr. Hatch was a real piece of work, but he gave them that much.
Nancy radioed Dustin as soon as the signal could reach. Max always carried around her Walkman anyway, keeping her safe wasn't the issue.
During the ride back to Hawkins, Steve vocally deliberated what Robin's favorite song was. She listened to so much music and talked about it all so passionately. Apparently, she talked about everything passionately. Nancy hoped she'd get to hear that some day.
Madonna, Blondie, Bowie, Beatles. Patti Smith, Bob Dylan, Joan Jett, the Runaways. Sure, Robin liked all of those artists, but he had no clue what songs of theirs she liked more.
Nancy offered, "Maybe it doesn't need to be their favorite song. Remember what Hatch said? One with meaning. Is there a song that… maybe is connected to a moment you know of? An event that made her really happy?"
The car was quiet for a while. Nancy could hear Steve's steady breathing under the rumble of the engine.
"She told me once, how she got into Queen," he mused, mind momentarily far off in a memory.
"How's that?"
"She impulsively bought a tape after hearing a song inside a store. One she couldn't get out of her head. It… resonated with her?" he said, unsure if he used that word right. "It was the song she used to amp herself up before crashing prom."
"You know which one it is?"
"Yeah, I know it," he smiled as he floored the gas pedal.
Steve drove so fast Nancy thought they were going to crash before they left Kerley County. But they didn't. Thank God. They arrived at Robin's house fourty-five minutes after escaping the security at Pennhurst. Plenty of time to rescue her. Probably.
Duffle bag slung over her shoulder, Robin stepped out onto the roof. The warm evening sun set the perfect tone for her escape. She sat in the folding chair she usually occupied, stretching out her legs.
There was no taking back what she'd done.
And that was okay. Robin felt good about it. Everything that weighed her down before vanished.
They knew her dirty little secret.
Soon it wouldn't be a secret anymore. Word traveled fast in small towns. Good thing she wouldn't be around to see the fallout.
Steve broke down Robin's front door. Her mother nearly fainted. When she realized what was happening, she became furious.
But when she made eye contact with Nancy as she passed by, following Steve towards the stairs, that rage morphed into fear. That was different. Something was clearly, very wrong.
"Sorry, Ms. Buckley!" Nancy said, "No time to explain— just call an ambulance!"
Steve took the steps two at a time. Nancy moved so fast she nearly tripped. He ran into Robin's room and crashed into her dresser, the home of her tape player and small catalog of albums (and large catalog of language learning tapes).
The shouts from the kids outside filled Nancy's heart with dread as she entered the room. They arrived just in time to see Robin standing on her roof, looking about ready to jump.
Hawkins hated her.
They were always going to, but there was nothing left for her here now. Nothing but bad memories. Robin couldn't recall a single good thing about Hawkins. She barely remembered the people in it. They all blurred together in a mass of ignorance and hatred.
But she could live in a world free from all that pain and suffering.
"You ready to go?" Nancy asked as she stepped through the threshold of the bedroom window.
Steve grabbed the only Queen album Robin owned, The Works, and scrambled to find the song, put the tape in the deck on the B-side, then fast-forward to the track.
Stepping out onto the roof, Nancy did her best not to slip. Who knew if the shingles were stable, but… if Robin could get to the edge, so could she. The girl was as stiff as a statue. When Nancy grabbed onto her shoulders to try and pull her back— she wouldn't budge. It felt like El's powers, that force field, keeping Robin unmoving and immovable.
"Robin?" she asked, her voice coming out more pathetic than she wanted it to, "Robin, can you hear me? Please, you gotta fight this. Come on, we can't be friends if you're dead."
Steve yelled from inside, "I got it!"
He crouched through the window and tossed Nancy the headphones. She put them over Robin's ears as he pressed play.
"Come on. Come on, Rob! Wake up!" he encouraged, tears stinging his eyes.
The kids joined in, shouting Robin's name, positioning themselves to try and catch anyone who fell. Nancy knew that was a bad idea, but… she didn't know what to do. This wasn't a monster she could fight, not with a gun or fireworks or a bear trap.
So she leaned in, hoping her voice could somehow make it through alongside Freddie Mercury's, "Robin, you can do this. You are brave. Fight him. I believe in you."
Synths swelled faintly in the distance, getting louder, but it was difficult to focus on them. Robin smiled as she stood to meet Nancy. But when the drums kicked in, she realized she knew this song. Music was playing, coming from the bedroom behind her. Wasn't it her bedroom?
"Hey," Nancy reminded, "don't bail on me now. We're so close."
Robin loved her. So, so much. So… why was she crying?
All she had to do…
Robin's eyes rolled back into her head before she began to float into the air. Nancy screamed for her. They all did. Steve reached up as high as he could, trying to catch her Converse. He pleaded, desperately, for his best friend to come home.
As she slipped away from his fingers, he swore, repeatedly, and dropped to his knees. Nancy stepped back in awe. This happened to Fred? To Chrissy? Sacrifices for… what, exactly? Some sick, twisted game? These were people. Real people.
When they did find Vecna? When Nancy found him? Oh, she was going to kick his ass. He'd feel every ounce of pain he inflicted on others. Even then, he'd never understand their suffering.
…was give up.
Pausing at the edge of the roof, Nancy looked back. Extending her hand, she beckoned Robin closer. When Robin moved her arm, it was like reaching into a dream.
Their fingertips touched. Robin stepped forward, her limbs slowing to a crawl as they passed through space. As her hand slid into place, resting in Nancy's palm… something was off. Nancy wasn't… cold like that. The weather couldn't make someone's blood that cold— not in Hawkins.
"Nancy?" Robin's voice lagged behind her lips.
The girl in front of her just smiled and tugged on Robin's hand. So she looked back at her bedroom. In the window, was her. That was odd. It was her house, her roof… and her, impossibly in the air, looking like she was about to become a religious symbol.
And there, beneath her… Robin could hear them. Steve, Dustin, Lucas, Max… the real Nancy Wheeler. And over it all— I Want To Break Free.
Robin chuckled. Yeah, that was appropriate. She remembered that night. The dress she tore up. Her hair cut so short she got stares for weeks. When she danced with Sheena like she didn't care who was watching.
It was the night Operation Croissant failed. She got caught. But then, she decided she wasn't going to let herself fail. She wasn't going to give up on her.
Because of that night, she cracked a secret Russain code, became best friends with Steve Harrington, fought a giant flesh monster with Nancy fucking Wheeler and saved the world. She got a better job, learned a new instrument, watched so many new movies, heard so many new songs. Laughed, cried, smiled, loved.
She was loved. Everything mattered because she was loved. Regardless of how hard this curse tried— nobody could take that away from her.
"Let go of me," Robin mumbled.
She looked back just as Nancy's hand morphed into… a hand that was not Nancy's. Vines twisted into mangled fingers and travelled up the arm. They wrapped around the torso, coming up from around their back.
"You shouldn't have looked back, Robin."
It was a person, barely. But Robin recognized him. The stalker that stared at her through windows. He had been watching her. The whole time. Manipulating her, making her forget.
"You don't belong out there. They'll hunt you down, chase you out of town… until there's no place left in the world for you. But there's a better world. One made just for you. You belong," he pointed at his head, "in here. With me."
A bright red scratch appeared along the entirety of Robin's right forearm. From the wrist it caved in on itself, carving a deep gash down the line. Blood dripped down onto Steve's hair, then his face.
He shuffled to his feet, hand reaching up to wipe his eye. Trembling, he screamed, "Robin! Goddamnit! If you don't get down here right now I'll kill you myself! Come on! FIGHT HIM OFF!"
The fog inside Robin's mind cleared. This wasn't a dream anymore. It was just another nightmare. Steve knew about her, and he supported her. Mr. Hauser knew about her because he was like her. He had a boyfriend. In Hawkins. She could find a girlfriend— someone who liked her in the same way she liked them. She could be herself and be okay.
Robin tried to take back her arm again. "You're… Vecna, aren't you? This is a curse, like they said. Well, let go, asshole. You're not taking me anywhere."
"I tried to make this easy for you, Robin. Aren't you tired of all the agony they put you through?"
Images surrounded her. Russian doctors holding terrifyingly huge needles, Dash trying to kiss her— twice, Tammy Thompson giving Steve heart-eyes, her parents dumping out her bag… locking up her bike, puking her guts out in the mall bathroom. Yeah, Robin was tired. She was real fucking tired.
"I'll give you one last chance," a single blink and Not-Nancy was back. "Come with me, Robin. Just give up. For me? Please."
Oh God, she kissed this guy? Gross. It doesn't count if it was all in her mind, right? Robin shook her head. She needed to focus. If she wanted out, she'd have to be smarter. This guy thinks she's weak. Someone… who wants to die.
"Okay," her voice rasped, throat dry and choking itself. "I'm sorry. I'll go. You're right. I'll go."
Not-Nancy smiled, sickeningly sweet. It was so fake, like Vecna didn't even know how to experience joy. How did Robin fall for that? A month of literal torture and mental anguish could make anyone desperate enough. Probably.
Stepping backwards onto thin air, Not-Nancy led Robin closer to the edge. She offered her other hand for Robin to take. Her grip was still cold. Ice cold. But Robin needed Vecna to keep watching her hands. So she raised her arm until they were just about to touch… and then she kicked him in the dick.
Well, he didn't really have one of those, seeing his true form again. At least, not visibly. So she had kicked him in the crotch vicinity. Good enough. He let go of her, at least, so her plan worked. Now all she had to do was run like hell.
Of course, it couldn't be that easy. When she turned around, her house was gone. Instead they stood in the middle of a red wasteland, rubble surrounding them. That portal was still around, though it was much farther away.
Great, Vecna got to see her at her lowest and watch her eat shit. Her feet felt like lead. Vines slithered along the ground towards her. Don't trip, don't trip, don't—
Robin tripped. The tip of her shoe caught a rotten vine and she smacked into the ground, covering herself in… water? She hoped it was just water, some got in her mouth. Spitting it out, she tried to push herself up onto her elbows, but a vine wrapped around her ankle and yanked her backwards.
Scrambling, she grabbed onto a splintered plank of wood, preventing her from losing more ground. Where the hell was she? The plank was old. It creaked and snapped under the force she put on it. Shit. She gripped it tighter so when it broke off it stayed in her hand. Robin threw her body forward as hard as she could to sever the vine.
Then she had to run again. Vecna was following her, walking like he wasn't even concerned he'd lose her. A nervous laugh erupted out of Robin's chest. He really thought she wasn't strong enough. Jokes on him. She was a real rebel, defying all expectations and ignoring all authority.
Robin knew she was a clutz. That was fine. She could use it, actually. The portal was so close. Rocks— were they rocks?— rained down from the sky like meteorites. One nearly crushed her. She stumbled to the side and tried to use the momentum to propel herself forward.
The light of day shined on her face. She was almost there. The song slowly began to fade out. She had to make it. So Robin jumped, twisting in the air so she wouldn't have to see the ground get closer.
And she flipped him off, just for good measure. Fucking creep.
Robin Buckley gasped and fell from the sky.
Steve caught her, barely. They both nearly went sliding onto the ground. "You're alive!" he cried out, not even bothering to hold back his tears.
"Hey, dingus. Good to see you," Robin said, her voice grainy and low.
Nancy knelt beside them, putting a gentle hand on Robin's shoulder. "Welcome back."
The girls head lulled over so her eyes could meet Nancy's. They were a really pretty blue, she noticed.
"Nancy? Wheeler?"
"Yeah, it's me. Real-me. Not the one he put in your head."
"Ah, you read my note."
"Yeah, I did."
"Do you…?"
"No. I don't hate you. I promise."
"Okay, cool," she paused for a moment then viscerally frowned. Robin swallowed, then strained out, "Hey Nancy?"
"Yeah?"
"My adrenaline just ran out."
For a second, she didn't know what that meant. Then Robin screamed. Loudly. Shit— the cut on her arm. That must hurt like a bitch.
"You have to stop the bleeding, idiots!" Max shouted from below. Lucas was hugging her close to his chest. She couldn't bear to watch it happen again.
Thankfully she wouldn't have to. Sirens echoed in the distance. Good thing Nancy suggested the ambulance just in case. Steve took off his shirt and wrapped it around Robin's arm, holding it tight.
"Ouch," Robin hissed.
"You're gonna be alright," Steve assured her.
She mumbled back, "Can I take a nap yet?"
"I'd rather you not."
Robin looked over at Nancy to give her a sly smile. Then she fainted.
Three days later, Robin woke up in the hospital. The doctors medically induced a coma because her body was so weak it could barely support itself. Barely eating, barely sleeping, the curse had almost entirely consumed her.
But she was alive. Robin chose to live, and she was alive. Still breathing. Heart still beating.
Steve sat beside her bed, holding her hand. Her right arm had been heavily bandaged and an IV prominently stuck into her left. Robin tried talking but she only managed to summon a cough.
Steve lit up, realizing she was coming out of it. "Hey, Rob. You're alright, don't try talking again until you've had some water," he nodded over to her mother, who held out a little paper cup for her. "They had to intubate you to keep you breathing, so it's gonna be sore for a while."
If Robin could make a snarky comment about Steve knowing the word intubate, she would have made one. Alas, he was right. Her throat was scratchy and dry, so she took the cup and drank it greedily.
Robin's mother looked like she'd been crying for days. "There's my girl," she sighed, "Your father had to work, but I called him when the doctors said you'd be waking up. He's on his way."
Nodding, Robin swallowed and cleared her throat, "Is Max okay?"
Steve's face fell, "She's… in a coma. The doctors don't know when she'll wake up, but… for now, we're safe."
"Jesus… Sorry I wasn't any help this time around."
"No, Robin... I'm sorry. I could've helped you. I had no idea..."
"It's not like I told you."
Her mother cut in, "Why didn't you, Robin? You could've told me— your dad— we would have listened."
"It's… kinda hard to talk about."
Even if it was just the fact Robin was a raging lesbian, it'd be hard to talk about. But that wasn't it, not even close. Risking her parents lives wasn't an option.
Raising her voice, her mother said, frustrated, "Harder than ending your life?!"
"Well I couldn't manage that either, now could I?!" Robin shouted back before she knew what she was saying.
The room was silent, the air stunned to stillness. Couldn't… manage it? Did she really…? Did it get that bad? The shock read on Robin's face. It was on Steve's too. Her mother just looked disappointed.
"I- I didn't mean that. Really, I didn't—"
"I know you didn't. I need some air. I'll bring your dad in, when he gets here," her mother stood, avoiding Robin's eyes.
Steve squeezed her hand for a moment, staying quiet until she left the room. "She's still not a huge fan of me. For breaking open the front door to your house."
"Steve! You broke down the—" Robin's chuckles broke through, "why?"
"You were floating thirty feet in the air!" Steve laughed with her, less from humor and more from absurdity, "I'd burn down the place if it meant I'd reach you faster!"
The door opened again, but instead of a doctor or Robin's mother, it was a girl dressed nearly head-to-toe in pink, holding a bouquet of flowers.
Robin thought she'd be more scared seeing her again. After all, a vision of Nancy nearly led her off her roof. But… this Nancy was different. The details were right. Hair curled tighter with more flyaways, bottom lip slightly fuller than the top, jawline sharper, makeup more naturally applied. The real Nancy's eyes had an alluring intensity to them the fake Nancy's lacked.
Maybe it was because Robin was stubborn and wouldn't let a man taint her perception of a perfect woman, but they really didn't look alike at all.
"Hey. I hope I'm not interrupting anything," Nancy said, "The receptionist said only two at a time and I didn't want to intrude on your mom."
"Those for me?" Robin asked, flustered.
"Yeah, if that's okay. Hospitals suck."
"You're telling me," she chuckled. Robin was really sick of doctors. "Yeah, it's okay. Thank you."
Nancy set them in a vase on the table by her bedside. When she looked back at the empty chair, she tucked her hair behind her ear, considering if she should stay.
"You can sit. My mom will be a while."
Doing as instructed, Nancy wiped her palms on her jeans before asking nervously, "How are you feeling?"
"Like shit," Robin snickered, "But I'm here, thanks to you guys. So uh, thanks. Again."
"Do you want to talk about it?" Steve asked carefully.
"Uh, I mean, yeah. You said we're safe, but… what happened to Max? Who was that guy? Why'd he make my brain all fucked up?"
"His name's Henry Creel," Nancy offered softly, "and he was killing teens to open gates to the Upside Down."
The explanation swam through Robin's drug-addled brain. Vecna was actually a number like Eleven, but being number One, his superpowers were way stronger. He claimed another victim, Max used herself as bait and almost died, Nancy had been cursed (temporarily) with a horrific vision of the future, Eddie died fighting bat creatures from the Upside Down, and they kicked Vecna's ass so hard he vanished. The whole thing sounded insane. None of them should be alive right now.
"None of that changes what you went through," Nancy said, concluding her and Steve's thrilling recount of events, "The way Max described it… I can't imagine."
Steve ran his hand through his hair. "That's more why I asked. I know you're tired of me asking if you're okay, but... do you still feel…?"
"I…" Robin didn't really know how to answer that question at first. It was complicated, and everything came back to her in retrospect completely different than it felt originally. Steve didn't stop checking in on her when the curse got bad— Vecna just made her think he did. "No. I don't want to die. I didn't think I ever did. That's not what it felt like. When the curse hit… during the day, yeah, I felt awful. But at night? He made my dreams an escape. A near-perfect world where I had everything I wanted… but that's also what made it feel off. I thought it was just a dream, though, so I took what I could get."
"When we ran into you at the school," Nancy said, in full reporter mode, "You seemed… happy. Chrissy and Fred did too. With Max, she didn't feel happy, but she wrote letters like you did. What was that?"
"Vecna-Henry-One… he said he was making it easy for me. I didn't think I was going to get hurt up on the roof. I just thought I'd be leaving— running away. When I tried to change my mind, he changed. He could've forced me if he had to, but… he wanted me to choose to go with him. I wrote the letters to say goodbye... get everything off my chest. Vecna encouraged me to write them, probably so I wouldn't try backing out, but… I'm pretty sure what I said I… I wanted to tell you."
"Why'd you think… I'd think you were a monster?" Steve asked.
"Oh, I forgot if I told anyone… that I liked…" she sighed, "I forgot anyone cared about me— I'm pretty sure because of him. After I wrote the notes, I couldn't remember any reason I would want to stay."
Nancy leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees. "I'm sorry if you weren't ready to tell me."
"If I had my way, I probably would've never told you, even though I wanted to. If I hadn't written that letter, I definitely wouldn't tell you now," Robin realized that probably sounded mean. "Not because of anything you did! More… what he did. Kinda messed up my feelings a bit. And like, I already felt weird before. Definitely feel like a total creep now."
"Max said… Billy was the form Henry took for her. Someone she wanted to get close to, but couldn't any other way. I gather… the form he took for you… was me?"
Robin groaned, biting her lip. The panel ceiling was suddenly very visually interesting to her. Regardless, she still had to confess, "Yeah, like I said… creepy."
"That's not your fault, Rob." Steve reassured her.
"The horror show kinda required audience participation, Steve. Also, adult man pretending to be a teenage girl. It's violating both ways. Fuck, I want to puke and then go through like, three bottles of mouth wash."
Nancy's eyes widened, mortified. "Oh my God…" she looked like she was going to be sick too. Robin thought she was in for it, but Nancy whispered lowly, "I'm going to find that monster and make sure he burns until he's nothing but a pile of ash."
"Damn…" Robin muttered, looking up at her in awe. "You're like, way cooler than I thought you were."
Nancy rolled her eyes. "Now I know why you're friends with Steve."
"Hey!" he protested.
"Shit, I'm sorry! I don't have the strongest grasp of social cues. Or much of a filter. Definitely should have kept that an inside thought."
"Oh, well, at least she knows how to apologize," Nancy gestured towards the girl laying pathetically in a hospital bed for emphasis.
"I apologize when I need to! Why are we picking on Steve right now?"
Robin scoffed, "Because you're easy to make fun of, dingus. Don't talk about yourself in the third person."
Nancy leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms, laughing. "Maybe we'll get along after all."
Robin smiled, and for the first time in a long time, it felt real.
Hearing Rockin' Robin's voice on the radio gave Nancy Wheeler butterflies every single time. At first, she assumed it was for the reassurance that Robin was safe. Still alive. And still herself. Henry Creel hadn't won, because they could still find sources of happiness in Hawkins.
Though Nancy wanted to go to Emerson, she didn't want to leave her home in a state of rubble. She needed Hawkins to be there for when she wanted to come back. She needed it to be there for her family. She fought for it. Every bullet shell, drop of blood, scar… they all were earned fighting to keep her home alive. Her family alive. Her friends alive. Herself… alive.
Things didn't always work out the way Nancy wanted them to. In fact, most of the time they didn't. If she had her way in sophomore year, she'd still be dating Steve Harrington and Barbara Holland would be alive and her best friend forever (definitely nothing more than that) and sure, maybe she'd be going to Emerson, but… with Steve… who knows how far she would have made it. Or for how long.
If Nancy had her way junior year, she'd still be dating Jonathan Byers and the justice she crafted for Barb would have cleared her conscience. Her upcoming internship at the Hawkins Post would send her straight to the front page and she'd never have to look down. But… life just wasn't that easy. Not for her.
Senior year… at first all she wanted was to be in college already. To be a respected reporter. For all the supernatural happenings to remain in the past. Then Vecna's curse changed everything again and all Nancy wanted was to feel safe. For her friends to be safe. For Robin Buckley to be safe.
With fall on the horizon, everything was so uncertain. Would they be able to find Vecna within one gap year? Nancy knew for certain she didn't want to be with Steve or Jonathan. But… the person she did want to be with? Well, Nancy didn't know if she still (somehow) liked her back.
Setting up the Squawk as a home base, letting Nancy use the basement as her own personal warroom. Drinks on the (walled-in) roof. Teasing the boys that still chased after her. Officially becoming friends. Movie nights and mixtapes. Glowing reviews of her articles. Never missing a broadcast. Searching for Vecna together even though everyone else was secretly pretending there wasn't anything left to worry about. Visiting Barb's grave. Saving her life— having her life saved.
Robin's voice meant something else. Something much stronger. Nancy laid in bed as the evening show played from her radio. Once the current song faded out, familiar butterflies fluttered inside Nancy's stomach.
"Did 'ya miss me? I missed you, Hawkins," Robin spoke like Hawkins was a single person, "This next track is dedicated to a certain special someone— if you're listening, you'll know who you are, 'cause I just can't get over you. Here's I Want to Break Free by the legendary Queen."
Well, at least that's one question answered. Nancy closed her eyes and let herself be in her head. Tomorrow, she planned. She could bring flowers to the station tomorrow and see Robin blush again. While she was in the booth, they could sneak notes to each other that said "see you tonight". They could walk up Weathertop hill and watch the sunset— take back everything that asshole tried to take from her.
Then, once she decided on that, Nancy let herself imagine what their first kiss might be like. Just for a little bit. It was only fair. She knew Robin did that before she had been cursed. The thing that made getting herself all flustered worth it, though, was the fact that the kiss was going to be way better when it happened in real life.