Work Text:
Steaming rivulets of water cascaded down the planes of Ben's muscled back, his palms pressed flat against the fresher tiles. Head hung low between his shoulders, he welcomed the scolding sensation against his bare skin, his jaw slowly unclenching from the stiff position it had been in all day.
Incompetent. The whole lot of them were incompetent.
The First Order Supreme Council, his cabinet of top military leaders, whom Hux had hand-selected after Ben took up the mantle of Supreme Leader, was supposed to be unparalleled in rank.
Instead, they had proved themselves to be nothing but useless idiots.
While he himself, along with a squadron of Tie Fighters under his command, had been able to easily overtake the Corellian shipyards, it was up to his Troopers and admirals to make sure order stayed in place.
It had been less than three months since his victory, and yet the battalion placed on the planet under guard of a First Order Star Destroyer - a battalion that was supposed to maintain control - had been wiped out in an afternoon by a group of rebel insurgency groups.
They'd destroyed the First Order's newly built squadron of fighters and reclaimed the shipyard. No doubt with the help of the dwindling numbers of the Resistance and a handful of spies.
Ben's chest heaved, the hot water battering down on his toned flesh, doing nothing to break through the haze of his frustration.
Compared to the Resistance, the First Order's numbers were overwhelming, and the recent attack had barely put a dent in its forces. And yet, the significance of the act, the loss of a vital shipyard, on a Core World no less, was consequential.
Now the planet was in turmoil; the Resistance's act of defiance had stoked the hearts of Corellians far and wide, and they were fighting back, forcing the shipyard to be contested, and as a result, the capital city.
Every possible solution his cabinet had offered to resolve the matter and stamp out the rebels had proved useless, and the problem persisted.
An idiot had even suggested neutralising the entire planet, as if that would help, while another had declared that Ben abandon his mission to search for the "scavenger rat and her rebel scum friends" in favor of sending a third of their Troopers to fight on Corellia. Ben included.
The latter had to be delivered to the medical bay after that for his insolence, though whether it was his remark or his idiotic idea that put him there, Ben decided not to ponder.
Like he'd told them in the council chamber earlier that same day, with no shortage of anger to his words, they were incompetent.
A heavy sigh burst from Ben's chest before he slammed his palm against the fresher valve, the water instantly cutting off with a sharp swoosh. He stood for a moment, listening to the placid hush settle over the cold room, before sliding the glass open and stepping out.
Steam rose from his naked skin as he reached for a towel to briefly pat himself down before tossing it aside and slipping into his adjoining room for a set of fresh clothes from a cabinet.
Stray water droplets rolled off the planes of his body and left imprints on the floor as he rummaged. He dressed himself in his underwear and black sleep pants, deciding to forego his usual black sweater to dry off, and ran his fingers through his damp hair, the long ends already beginning to curl around his ears.
He inhaled deeply, his earlier anger finally beginning to dissipate, only to leave him exhausted in the aftermath.
It was too late to be thinking about anything, let alone The First Order's recent failures. And his own. Ben needed sleep; it felt like he hadn't managed to close his eyes for even a short rest in days, and the insomnia was quickly catching up to him.
Sighing, he peered up at his reflection in the mirror above the dresser, taking in his sallow skin and bruised under-eyes, when something behind him caught his eye.
Before he could even begin to guess at what it was, an unearthly sensation swept over him and enveloped him in a familiar strangeness.
Like a beacon calling his name, Ben's awareness identified that another presence had infiltrated his space.
A twinge of outrage momentarily sparked to life, the fact that someone would enter his private quarters without invitation pricking at his nerve, until the disturbance penetrated his senses, forcing his body to lock up tight on instinct.
No. No, it can't be.
With a rigid spine and bated breath, he slowly turned his head to look over his shoulder and instantly stilled.
For a moment, Ben thought he was witnessing an apparition, an illusion painted by his own mind. But no.
She was real. She was here.
Rey.
The Force bond, that mystifying connection that they both shared, was now open, allowing him to truly see her for the first time in almost a year.
These weren't dreams or memories like he so often saw when his mind wandered; when he should have been focusing on his next steps, when he should have been doing everything in his power not think about her.
This was real, he repeated in his mind like a mantra. She was real. And she was here.
His perception finally clicked into place, and he was keenly aware of how his pulse sped up at the sight of her, so fast he could hardly breathe.
It took him a few seconds to register that Rey was asleep, curled up on his bed, breathing steadily. Asleep and in his bed, he thought wildly, though he knew that wasn't truly the case. Wherever she was right now in the vast galaxy, she was likely sleeping in her own cot, far away from him. He knew that, and yet seeing this version of her within his private chambers, unguarded in sleep, made his brain short-circuit like a faulty astromech droid.
For a moment, something like wonder passed through him.
In the face of everything that had transpired and despite the stars that separated them, this connection, this incredible oneness they shared, had presented her like a gift to him in the middle of the night, soft and slumbering in his sheets.
Blinking rapidly, Ben finally uprooted himself from where he'd been standing frozen and took silent steps toward the bed, his eyes never leaving Rey's sleeping form. When he reached the edge, he peered down at her from his hulking height. His gaze trailed over her serene face, her pink lips pouted in sleep, her body tucked into itself, making her appear smaller than she was.
Ben felt his stomach flip without permission when he noticed how her hair was undone; not like the last time he had seen her, but completely loose, the brown waves fanning out against the pillow in a dark halo. She was dreaming deeply, her brows twitching and eyelashes fluttering against her cheeks, hands clutching the blanket up to her chin.
Ben drew in a ragged breath, trying against all odds to control his roaring emotions at her sudden appearance.
Ever since Crait, the bond had been stifled, and he now wondered if it was her unconscious state that had forced her to drop the impenetrable shield that had been blocking him out all this time.
It felt inconceivable that he should be seeing her like this. A private moment that he never thought he'd be allowed to witness. In the past, they'd both met on that threshold between places, both ripped away from their surroundings until it was only the two of them.
So why was she here now, of all times?
Ben looked around, still able to register his familiar chambers. A viewport stretched across the far wall, facing out into the blackness of space. His twin bed to the left, dark sheets, and a metal frame. Durasteel walls and black, reflective flooring. Minimal decoration, save for a few drawers and a lamp in the far corner.
This connection encased them in their very own liminal space, as if an invisible field separated them from the outside world.
It was theirs and theirs alone.
A sharp intake of breath ripped him from his musings, and when he looked back to the bed, his stomach somersaulted.
Rey was no longer asleep, but staring up at him, her lovely face unmoving as if she'd seen a ghost, eyes wide and lips parted in shock.
Ben lifted his hands slowly, waiting with his breath held for her to say something, anything.
For what seemed like minutes, they simply stared at each other, confusion and surprise forging together into one, until Ben finally decided to speak up.
"Rey-"
Before he could even finish saying her name, Rey was reaching out, using the Force to pull her lightsaber into her grip, her face screwed up in anger at the sight of him.
Ben wasn't sure if the saber could have done any damage to him like this - he momentarily recalled the first time they'd connected, when she'd tried to shoot him with a blaster, and the bolt went straight through him like a phantom pain - but he didn't want to find out.
He lunged, quickly closing the gap between them and grappled for her wrists with both of his hands.
Rey gasped and tried slipping out of his grip, but he was too fast. He planted them beside her head, none too gently, wrestling with her until he was covering her body with his own.
Using her lower body weight, she tried bucking him off her to no avail. He kept her pinned in place by sitting on her legs, the sheer size of him easily overpowering her.
Still, Rey continued to thrash, teeth bared like a feral lothcat.
In their tumble, her saber had dropped and skittered across the glossy floor of his chambers, too far for Rey to reach now, but that didn't stop her from trying.
"Let go of me!" She struggled, trying with all her strength to push him back, her fingers stretching out in an attempt to pull the saber into her hand again.
Ben flattened her hands back to the pillow, using the Force to keep her in place with a grunt.
"Stop," Ben grit, his breath becoming ragged the more they fought. "Rey, stop!"
"Get. Off!"
"Stop fighting me."
"No! Get off me, you-"
"Rey!"
At his commanding tone, she stilled, her chest rising and falling rapidly as she stared up at him with furious eyes.
Heaving a deep sigh, Ben tried his best to appear non-threatening as Rey stared up at him; he could still feel her panic through the Force, searching for some semblance of control under his powerful hold.
With a start, he realised he had frightened her. Clenching his jaw, Ben eased his strong grip on her wrists, but still held her steady.
"Rey, I'm not-" he swallowed, eyes flitting across her startled face. "I'm not going to hurt you."
Fire blazed in her eyes as she glared up at him. "Why are you here then if not to hurt me?"
A pang coursed through his chest at her words. That she thought he wanted to do her harm after everything...
"The connection," he explained calmly. "It opened- it was already open. I would never-"
I would never hurt you, he wanted to say.
But he had, hadn't he? During their very first meeting, he had probed her mind for his own gain, then they'd later fought on Starkiller Base before she'd bested him in a moment that had forever linked them together.
He knew he'd hurt her again in a different way, too, when he'd refused that pull to the light. The same moment she had rejected him.
Ben grit his teeth against the bitter memory, fighting against that same pull he always felt in her presence.
Instead, he softened his voice and repeated, "I'm not going to hurt you, Rey."
Without even thinking, he brushed his thumbs over the centre of her wrists; a soothing gesture for her benefit, he told himself. He could feel her racing pulse beneath delicate skin like a small Carrier Butterfly, but she didn't shake him off.
The fight was slowly leaving her body, and he knew then that she believed him. Rey stared up at him, her eyes blinking around herself, as if coming to the realization that he hadn't infiltrated her resting place after all, and they were still systems apart.
With something like relief settling in his bones, he watched as the tension left her shoulders, his eyes snagging on her plush lips parting on a quiet exhale.
Though he tried to fight it, Ben always found his attention drawn to her lips without his permission, even when they were fighting, even when Rey was arguing with him.
They were a lovely pink shade, the bottom slightly fuller than the top, which sloped down in the shape of a heart, accentuating her small cupid's bow.
As he stared, he felt his own lips part in anticipation of the unknown, and had to mentally shake himself before looking away.
Dragging his gaze down was a mistake.
His eyes followed the column of her neck, noting the lines of perspiration on her olive skin, and it was only then that he noticed how close they were; so close he could see her pulse fluttering beneath her throat.
With his body essentially covering hers, he could feel the warmth radiating off her, hear every shared breath.
Unwittingly, his gaze dipped lower before landing on her barely clothed body, and he felt his breath stutter in his throat.
The blanket had become tangled in their scuffle, and he could now see that she was wearing a thin, beige vest that hugged her frame, along with a pair of matching shorts. And that was all.
Ben instantly felt his cheeks and the tips of his ears heat.
Rey's long legs and arms were bare, her clavicle exposed to reveal the soft swell of her chest, a detail that made his entire body run a touch warmer.
This close, he could even smell her. Her scent surrounded him, penetrating his senses, drowning out everything else around him. Just like that time when they rode the elevator together to Snoke's throne room, when his desires almost got the better of him.
It was so discernible, he'd know it anywhere. Like sunshine and spring leaves. Sweet, warm, and intoxicating-
Shoving away the thought, he snapped his attention back to her face with a fake clearing of his throat and registered that while he had been watching her, she'd also been watching him with the same intense awareness.
Her eyes were focused on his bare chest, more precisely, the scar she'd gifted him. Something flickered behind the green of her eyes, as if she was witnessing a memory, before her gaze shuttered.
Sucking in shaky breath, Rey flexed her hands within his grip.
"Let go," she said. The words were hardly a whisper, with no real demand behind them, but he listened.
Slowly slipping his hands free from her slim wrists, Ben leaned back onto his knees so he was no longer sitting on her legs and instantly felt the absence of her warm skin like a cold draft.
Still on her back, Rey shuffled back onto her elbows, and he tried not to notice how the strap of her vest slid down to bare her delicate shoulder. Goosebumps had risen along her flesh, and as if realising her state of undress, she quickly grabbed the sheet and pulled it up to cover herself.
"Leave."
The soft command had Ben shooting his attention back to her face as if caught. But she wasn't looking at him, her attention pulled to something beside her, and he found his focus once again slipping.
The light from the viewport caught Rey's side profile, illuminating her smooth, sun-kissed skin and turning her luminous. The angle made her look like a star, living and breathing and sitting in the cocoon of his contrasting dark bed sheets. It was difficult to look away from her.
Against his better judgment, his gaze zeroed in on her mouth once again when her tongue darted out to wet her dry bottom lip, then tracked the movement of her slim fingers as she tucked a slip of brown hair behind the shell of her ear. He briefly wondered what it would feel like slipping between his calloused fingers.
"Rey." He didn't know what he wanted to say, just that he needed to say something.
Every conversation he'd thought about having with her since that day on Crait, every word he needed to tell her, fizzled from his mind like vapour.
He felt like a fumbling idiot in her presence.
"Rey, I..."
Head snapping to him, her expression turned from resigned to frustrated in the matter of a second.
"Stop that!" She snarled.
Ben cocked his head, slightly taken aback by her scrappy tone. "Stop what?"
"Stop... saying my name like that!"
Ben's brows turned inwards, mirroring hers. Like what? "Like what?"
"Like-" She hesitated, eyes darting around his face.
A false mask of indifference was failing to keep her true feelings at bay, but he knew her better by now. He'd already seen her unguarded; seen her at her most vulnerable. It was likely he understood her better than anyone in the whole galaxy. And she him.
When silence blanketed the room, and she didn't continue, he felt the need to goad her into saying what she so clearly wanted to.
"Like what, Rey?" he breathed. "Say it."
It seemed his provocation was successful, because Rey's face twisted, her earlier anger sparking to life.
"Like it means something to you!" she spat.
"And if I say it does?" His counter was so fast, he even surprised himself.
Rey's eyes widened a fraction, but she covered her surprise with a scoff of disbelief. "Then you'd be a liar, as well as a monster."
Heaving a deep sigh, Ben scrubbed a hand through his dark hair. It was almost fully dry.
"So we're back to that then?" he questioned. "Am I still your monster despite what you now know?"
"After what you did, after what you let happen, yes!"
Tears of frustration were beginning to form in her eyes now, and Ben's chest constricted at the sight.
Though the words were coming out of her mouth, he could feel through the bond that she didn't truly mean them. She was angry and lashing out at him because he hurt her. He didn't blame her.
And yet, he couldn't hide the pinprick of pain when she said them, couldn't hide his wince when he dropped his gaze.
Tiredness pulled at his eyelids. He didn't feel like fighting her, so he chose to let it go. "Think what you like," he said quietly.
Silence settled over the room like a blanket, smothering the tension and replacing it with something closer to discomfort. Meanwhile, Ben battled with his thoughts, trying to come up with something to say, but it was Rey who split the air with her next words.
"Just... leave me alone," she murmured. "I don't want to talk to you anymore. So leave."
Common sense told him to listen to her. Yes, leaving would be the best thing to do, but he found he didn't want to do that.
Finally, after almost a year, she was here with him, and he had the opportunity to speak to her like he'd so desperately wanted to do all this time.
Besides, even if he did want to leave, he knew he couldn't. It wasn't his doing, this connection; it never had been, so he was unsure how to even comply with her demands.
While turning over these thoughts, he realized with some semblance of embarrassment that Rey had been silently watching him as he stared blankly into space.
When he met her eye, jaw tight, she looked away and cleared her throat, pretending she was none the wiser.
"Get off my bed."
Ben blinked. "What?"
She turned to him, expression blank. "I said, get off my bed. I'm tired and I want you to go."
"I think you'll find that it's my bed," he said.
Rey scowled. "What? No, it's-"
She paused, glanced around the room, then groaned, understanding finally settling in.
"Of course," she murmured.
Ben stood anyway, rounding the bed to face the viewport to attempt to gather his thoughts, watching as distant stars blinked incredible distances away.
"Like I said, the connection opened by itself," he said quietly, "I think we both know there's nothing either of us can do to manipulate it."
"So... what then? Are we just going to sit here and wait for it to close?"
"I would assume so."
Rey sighed in response, and they lapsed into silence once again.
Surprisingly, Ben found the silence was far from awkward. It was calm, peaceful even, and he wondered if she thought the same.
It was almost strange how at ease he felt in her company, how his mind was able to filter out the overbearing thoughts and fill the space with something else that he dared not put a name to.
What felt like hours later, but was perhaps only a handful of minutes, he heard Rey shuffle about on the bed. Turning his head, he watched out of the corner of his eye as she fidgeted with the sheet, folding the fabric between her fingers only to release it, again and again.
A sudden huff of annoyance slipped past her lips.
"Why won't the connection drop?" She turned accusing eyes to him. "Is this your doing?"
Ben's lips almost twitched at her tone, but he fought back his amusement.
"No. I'm new to this, too, remember?"
Rey released a deep sigh and went back to fiddling with his sheet.
"It feels different than any time before," he hedged, turning his back to the viewport to face her. "The bond. It feels more solid. Like you're... really here with me."
Her head snapped up. "Bond?" she echoed.
Ben's eyes fell to her nose, scrunched up in such an adorable way that in that moment, the fondness he felt for her threatened to undo him.
"What would you call it?" was his quiet response.
"An annoyance," she mumbled, but he heard her, and again he almost smiled.
Being in Rey's presence made Ben forget about everything: the First Order, the Resistance, their... situation.
It was so easy to fall into her light that he had to repeatedly remind himself that she hated him.
"Perhaps if we sleep, the connection will close by itself," he thought aloud.
"Well...where-where will you sleep if there's only...?" Her words trailed off, and when he chanced a glance at her, he noted how her cheeks were now tinged pink.
If it were another time, if he were another man, Ben would've been tempted to tease her. She'd never laughed in his presence, never smiled, and he wondered if it was as bright as he imagined it in his mind.
But he wasn't a different man. So instead, he didn't allow her to worry about their circumstances.
"I'll take the floor," he said abruptly and went about grabbing a spare pillow and blanket from a cabinet before tossing them to the floor in the middle of the room.
His eyes landed on her forgotten lightsaber, shining in the dimness of the room. With a gesture, the saber came flying into his hand.
Behind him, Rey shifted. He could sense her apprehensiveness as he rolled the cylindrical weapon in his palm, testing the solid weight of it and inspecting the repair job down the middle.
His grandfather's lightsaber. Skywalker's. And now... Rey's.
Ben marvelled at the piece of history he held in his hand for another beat before turning to Rey and flipping the hilt in her direction. A peace offering.
"I've been told it's bad form for a Jedi to lose their lightsaber," he murmured.
When Rey made no move to take the saber from his grip, he wiggled it again, his eyes tracking her every expression.
Rey swallowed and slowly reached up to retrieve it, the sparks he felt from their grazing fingers sending a shiver down his spine.
Shaking off the feeling, Ben straightened and returned to his spot in the middle of the room.
As he was settling himself on the floor, he felt her gaze on the side of his head, her tumultuous feelings through the Force bumping against his mind; once again reminding him of a Lothcat, this time pawing at a window pane.
"What is it?" he said without meeting her gaze.
"N-nothing," she replied too quickly, and turned over in the bed.
Releasing a deep sigh, Ben lay flat on his back and did the same.
Sleep escaped him. Ben never could sleep well, though the problem causing his restlessness that night wasn't plaguing his mind, but sleeping in his bed not five feet away from him.
It had been a few hours, and the connection still hadn't dropped. Rey was still here.
Shifting onto his back, he stared at the ceiling. Meditation wouldn't work, not with her in the same room as him, so he resorted to counting the metallic panels one by one on a loop, hoping that his mind would simply shut off if he did it long enough.
It almost worked if not for a small sound that jolted him from his thoughts. He paused his counting, listening out for the odd noise in the silence.
He was about to continue his counting, blaming the noise on the mechanics of his ship, when he heard it again.
At first, Ben couldn't make out the sound, too muffled it was, until it happened again, then again.
Leaning up on his elbows, he turned to look at the bed, and it was only when he perked his ears that he realised that the sound was coming from Rey.
With her back to him, he could just make out the way her body twitched beneath his sheets, the fabric shifting with the movement.
Frowning, Ben brought himself to a seated position, his mind now fully awake. "Rey?" he called out in a hushed voice.
He received no response aside from another whimpering sound of distress.
She's having a nightmare.
"Rey?" His quiet voice carried over the sparse room, but it did nothing to wake the girl in his bed.
Unfolding himself, he clambered to his feet and inched toward the bed, mindful of his heavy gait. For a long moment, he simply stood there, unsure of what to do in all honesty.
"...Where are you?... don't understand..."
Should he shake her awake? Keep calling her name? But what if she got annoyed with him? He didn't want her angry with him again, not when they were finally on, somewhat, neutral ground with each other.
Stars.
While he was quietly debating about what to do, Rey continued twitching, discomforting sounds piercing the quiet room. She grew more erratic the longer he did nothing, her legs kicking back and forth, rustling the sheets while she grabbed at the pillow.
Ben never had anyone he could turn to when his own nightmares ensnared him as a boy. The rapid thought came to him out of nowhere, as if his mind was reminding him of what he once had to suffer.
Swallowing, Ben placed one hand beside Rey's pillow, leaning over the bed until he was close enough she could hear him clearly.
"Rey," he said, "Rey?"
"...come back... please, no..."
Ben froze, his body stilling as Rey rolled over to her other side to face him. Her eyes were still squeezed shut, and with dread in his stomach, he noticed that her cheeks were wet.
"...No...stop, stop!" Words of panic spilled from her lips, her hands fisting into the sheets, ready to tear them apart. "Stop! Please, stop! No!"
Ben knew this kind of dream; it was the kind that trapped you, pinned you down into the dark corners of your own mind with no way to wake up until it finally released you itself.
It disturbed him that Rey, kind, lovely Rey, was troubled by such dark dreams.
Shifting back, Ben sat down on the edge of the bed, his hand moving on autopilot to hover over her bare shoulder.
"Rey, wake up," he called again, still not touching her. "Rey."
Her head was tossing back and forth, more tears slipping free from under closed eyes as she cried, trickling down into her hairline.
"No, stop it. Stop!"
"You're dreaming, Rey," he tried to explain, "You need to wake up now."
Perhaps it was because she was crying out, or maybe it was the simple, selfish fact that he wanted to feel her skin against his one more time. Either way, he just wanted to stop this from happening.
Reaching out with one hand, Ben tentatively cupped Rey's round cheek, an attempt to soothe as much to rouse her. He didn't anticipate what came next.
Like the very first time they'd touched hands, visions of the past infiltrated his mind all at once. Only this time, the crashing wave was accompanied by a tsunami of emotions.
He was bombarded with memories instantly, so fast and so overwhelming, he was forced to squeeze his eyes shut at the onslaught.
All at once, he saw Rey on that blasted planet Jakku, no older than a toddler. Her face was bright red as tears streamed down her face, her small hand outstretched toward the sky as she desperately screamed for her parents to come back.
Ben's heart felt like it was being squeezed in a vice-like grip, and it only worsened when the scene changed to Rey, a little older than before, but still so young, huddled within a dark space in the middle of the desert.
Her face was burnt, her body thin, as she hid away from Jakku's beaming sun, dehydrated, desperately hungry, and above all, alone.
Ben realized with alarm that not only was he seeing Rey's darkest memories, he was also feeling them. As if he had been there to experience every moment for himself.
It was agonising. He could feel her sadness, her loneliness, the hunger and fear as she survived by herself on that backwater planet with no one to look out for her; waiting and hoping every day for her parents to return.
Before he could come to terms with the revelation, the vision changed once again, only this time the scene was something Ben recognised.
It was the throne room on the Supremacy, steeped in black and scarlet, oozing with dark energy and the forbidding presence of Snoke.
Despite Rey's bravery, Ben sensed her trepidation as she stepped into that room. But also her defiance as she'd boldly defended him without a second thought against the man's stabbing proclamations.
Then that trepidation had quickly turned to fear as Snoke had taken her in his twisted grasp, needling her for information on Skywalker's whereabouts.
Terror coursed through her as Snoke slithered inside her mind, unlocking each and every caged secret, until she was utterly exposed to his darkness and unable to fight him back.
The pain of the violation sent Ben reeling.
Guilt consumed him when he recalled that moment from his own perspective. He had watched, helpless against the power of his former master, as Rey was rendered immobile and suspended in the air like a plaything.
She had screamed in agony, the sound piercing his carefully built walls like a lightsaber melting through durasteel.
That was the moment when Ben knew with absolute certainty that Snoke needed to die.
And that he would be the one to deliver the killing blow.
That same torture, abuse, that his former Master had inflicted on him all those years past was happening to Rey before his very eyes, and it made him sick.
Rey, who was good and kind-hearted and filled with light, and better than him in every way imaginable.
She didn't deserve any of it.
Ben had only just come to terms with what he was feeling when the memory twisted into something unnatural. The room was suddenly soaked in darkness, as if an invisible blade had cut through the air, allowing shadows to bleed into the open space.
He felt it then, Rey's dread, her horror, as Snoke's form grew taller, more imposing, until he was looking down on her from a great height. It was just him and her in that room now, her mind tricking her into believing that Ben was no longer kneeling on the cold floor behind her.
But he was. He was watching, as if trapped behind a thick wall of glass, as Snoke once more stuck out his hand and grasped onto Rey's mind.
A terrible scream of utter agony tore from her, splitting his eardrums and filling his bones with an anguish he had never felt before in all his life.
Shadows poured from Snoke's gnarled fingertips and snaked through the room lightning fast until they reached Rey, hovering above her frightened face like a viper readying to strike.
No amount of struggling could stop that liquid blackness from darting through her parted lips to fill her lungs with darkness. It choked her, suffocating any light she may have left, as her entire body grew rigid.
It felt like someone had rammed a hand down through Ben's ribcage and punctured his heart watching this horror play out.
Like a fool, he had never stopped to consider whether Snoke's machinations had left a lingering stain on Rey's light. He'd never dreamed that, like him, she would be haunted by pain following her encounter with the dark lord.
It never occurred to him that Rey, who had stood against his former master like a true Jedi, fearless and so beautiful in that throne room, would also suffer from everlasting, torturous nightmares.
It was another thing they shared, though he wished it wasn't the case.
All the while, Ben pounded his fists against the glass, shouting until his throat hurt, willing with everything within him for Rey to hear him through the shadows.
This wasn't real. She wasn't alone. She would never be alone, not while he was here.
"Rey! REY!"
A choked gasp ripped Ben from Rey's memories, and when he opened his eyes, he was met by a pair of startling hazel ones staring up at him in terror.
She opened her mouth to say something, but all he could make out were quiet gasps and wet cries as tears streamed down her face.
Relief surged through him at finally seeing her awake, even though the sight of her stricken face would haunt him. He urgently brushed his thumbs along her flushed cheeks and shushed her quietly, his tone so gentle he didn't recognise himself.
"Shhh. Shhh, it's okay, Rey. You're okay," he whispered, his own voice wavering.
Rey was shaking her head, chin trembling, gaze darting around erratically as if still caught in her nightmare.
In her panic, she'd grabbed onto his hand, her fingers squeezing around two of his until her knuckles turned white. He let her, pulse racing as she clung to him like he was her lifeline in the middle of a raging ocean, grip never faltering.
"Rey, listen to me," he shifted his hold to cup the underside of her jaw, felt the tremors wracking her form, "You're safe. Shhh, you're safe. It's not real."
It was like she couldn't even hear him, too caught up in the remnants of her dreams, the way she continued thrashing.
Pain lanced through him; seeing her helpless and struggling against something he couldn't change, couldn't fight with his bare hands, made his stomach churn.
It forced him to act recklessly.
Before he could think twice about his actions, Ben was climbing onto the bed and gathering Rey into his arms. He slipped one arm beneath her knees and the other around her shoulders and lifted her until she was cradled against him.
Situating her sideways in his lap, he drew her into the safety of his bare chest and hooked his chin over her shoulder, hugging her close.
Rey settled against him willingly, her arms finding purchase around his neck, as one of his hands slipped to her nape.
Squeezing the spot gently, he tried to ground her in the present with broad strokes down her spine with his free hand, soothing her frantic breaths with quiet words uttered in her ear.
"Shhh. It's okay, sweetheart," he breathed. "You're safe now. It was just a nightmare."
He didn't mean for the endearment to slip out, but it did, so easily, it felt like second nature.
"Ben."
He stilled at the sound of her small, broken voice, surprised that she still thought of him as Ben despite everything.
Ever since becoming Kylo Ren, he hated every single reminder of his former life. And yet...And yet, hearing his real name fall from Rey's lips, so soft and earnest, he found he didn't hate it after all.
Ben.
It felt right coming from her. Like a secret only she was allowed to hold and speak into existence.
He drew back slowly, a hand going to her face to brush away the fresh tears that had trailed down to her chin.
"H-he... I don't... B-Ben-"
"I know," he hushed, chest aching. "Shhh, I know, sweet girl. You're safe now, I swear it."
She shuddered and fell back into his hold, hitching her legs up so she was tucked closer. Her cries continued, the feeling of her tears clinging to the side of his neck, marking him with her grief.
"He hurt you...I'm sorry-I'm so sorry, Rey."
Ben swallowed thickly, squeezed his eyes shut against the memories they'd just shared.
If he had the chance, he would gladly murder Snoke again. Slice him in two with his own saber instead, drag it out, and relish the feeling as plasma ripped apart sizzling flesh.
He inhaled deeply, forcing his anger down. "He'll never harm you again, sweetheart. He can't. It was just a nightmare."
"It felt so real." Her voice trembled, her fingers clutching at the back of his neck.
"I know," Ben murmured, because he did. He brushed a hand down the back of her head, long fingers winding through her hair. "I have them, too."
Ben's grip never wavered as he began to gently rock her in his hold, his lips still lingering near her ear, murmuring quiet reassurances the entire time.
What felt like hours later, when her wet cries had faded, and her trembling had subsided, Ben felt Rey go lax in his arms.
Withdrawing his head from her shoulder, he peered down at her, heart galloping wildly behind his ribcage at the view of her fast asleep against his chest. In sleep, her face had turned into his neck, her desperate hold loosening.
It didn't feel real to him. He was holding her in his arms, and she hadn't pushed him away. No, she'd clung onto him like he meant something to her, as if she knew he would protect her against the nightmares that plagued her.
And he would. Something had changed in him; he knew that for a fact now, and there was no doubt that Rey was the cause.
There was no point in denying it any longer. Ben had never been able to resist her.
So slowly, he dipped his head and laid a soft kiss on her forehead, eyes falling closed at the warm sensation he felt against his lips.
It was a whisper of a kiss, but Ben felt something in his soul swell at his own action; it felt like something he was meant to do for the rest of his life.
The sentiment was so overwhelming, he could do nothing but exhale shakily as he withdrew, his hands flexing around her body.
Deciding he would dwell on his conflicting thoughts another time, he lay back against the pillows, tugging Rey along with him. She nestled against him snugly, so small and warm within his arms, Ben couldn't help tightening his hold.
He hooked a hand around the back of her thigh to anchor her to him, thick fingers dimpling into muscle, and kept the other wrapped around her waist.
As if she could sense his presence, she folded herself closer to him, and Ben, selfish as he was when it came to his little Jedi, took the opportunity to bury his face into her neck.
Tears of contentment stung his eyes as he nuzzled his nose against her throat and breathed her in, a feeling of lightness overcoming him.
"I'm here, Rey," he whispered into the dark. "I'll always be here."
Maybe, just maybe, when it was the two of them - him and Rey and no one else - he could be just Ben.
His eyelids fluttered closed, exhaustion finally seeping into his bones, and it wasn't long before sleep finally took him, too.
Before Ben was even fully awake the next morning, he knew Rey was gone.
Gut twisting, he kept his eyes shut, pretending for a few minutes longer that she was still with him and safe in his arms.
He breathed in her lingering scent, pictured her lovely face and hazel eyes in his mind, and wished he didn't have to face reality.