Chapter Text
Merlin first met Arthur when he was six years old. It was his first day at school and he’d been jittery all day, his magic bubbling wildly under his skin. He was scared that someone would notice and that he’d be taken away from his Mum, that he’d be tortured and examined like an alien. Like in that one movie he’d once watched in the middle of the night, when he’d snuck down to the living room and turned on the telly while his Mum had been fast asleep. He’d been terrified and ran up to his mother’s room to confess what he’d done and stayed with her for the rest of the night.
He was so nervous when his Mum left him in that strange, weird-smelling building all on his own, that he ran right into another boy when he tried to enter his new classroom. He knocked the boy off his feet and fell right on top of him, his heavy backpack making it so easy to lose balance. Merlin blushed and had to concentrate to keep his magic in check, while the other boy was saying bad words beneath him.
He wanted to defend himself, like his Mum had taught him to, but when he looked down and met the other boy’s eyes, he held his breath and suddenly wasn’t able to utter a single word. The other boy was very pretty. He was blond and had blue eyes; he looked a bit like the male Barbie doll Merlin had. Ken.
“I’m sorry,” Merlin managed to say and the pretty boy narrowed his eyes.
“Get up, you clumsy dolt.”
Merlin gasped, as did a few other kids around them.
“That’s a bad word. You need to apologize.”
Merlin refused to move and the blond boy stared up at him like he’d just insulted his favourite stuffed animal, even though Merlin would never insult his stuffed animal. He loved stuffed animals.
“I won’t. You deserve it!”
“But I already said I’m sorry!”
“You still deserve it. You’re stupid and I hate you already!”
Now it was Merlin’s turn to stare. He’d never met anyone this mean.
But he wouldn’t let the mean pretty boy win.
“You’re mean! Say you’re sorry.”
“Won’t.”
“Well, I don’t hate you. I think you could be nice if you wanted to. And you’re pretty. So why are you so mean?”
The boy’s eyes grew wide as he stared up at Merlin.
“You think I’m pretty?”
“Of course! You look like Ken.”
“Are you a girl?”
“No.”
The boy stared again, but Merlin didn’t know what the boy was thinking. He was like a grown-up in that matter. Merlin never knew what grown-ups thought.
“My name is Merlin,” Merlin offered.
“I- I’m Arthur,” the boy said, and Merlin smiled at him.
“That’s a nice name.”
Arthur’s cheeks were growing a little pink and Merlin smiled even more. Arthur really was pretty. Prettier than every princess Merlin had ever seen. Then again, he’d always thought the princes were prettier than the princesses.
“All right, okay. I’m sorry, Merlin. I didn’t mean to be mean.”
Satisfied, Merlin rolled off the other boy and stood up again, reaching out to help Arthur up as well. Arthur took his hand and looked at Merlin like he really was an alien.
“Maybe I don’t hate you that much,” Arthur muttered and Merlin smiled at him, because he’d heard him well enough. And he’d do his best to become friends with the pretty blond boy called Arthur. Because Merlin really felt that Arthur needed a friend.
Dear Arthur,
With this card I’d like to invite you to my 7th birthday.
Please come? The party will be on the 11th November 2000, starting at 2pm.
I’d be so happy if you could come.
I’ve been waiting for ages to show you how much my Ken doll looks like you.
No, I’m not a girl. Just come. Please?
Love, Merlin
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Dear Merlin,
My Dad said I can come if I want to.
I’ll try to be there.
Can’t wait to see your Ken doll.
Love, Arthur
“That doesn’t look like me at all!” Arthur complained when Merlin showed him his Ken doll. He scrunched up his nose and shoved Merlin so he fell down onto his bed.
“It’s a grown-up doll,” Arthur tried to explain when Merlin pouted up at him. “I don’t like grown-ups.”
Merlin giggled and nodded, the pout forgotten again.
“Me neither. They’re boring. But I like my Mum.”
“I don’t have a mum.” Arthur sat down next to Merlin. He looked sad and Merlin could understand that he was sad that he didn’t have a mum. Merlin would be sad too if he didn’t have a mum. He took Arthur’s hand and squeezed it carefully.
“And I don’t have a Dad.”
Arthur raised his eyebrows. “Really?”
Merlin nodded. “Mummy said he went away when I was a baby. She said he’s doing something important, but I don’t believe her. I think he just didn’t love me.”
“My Mum died when I was born. My Dad said it’s my fault once. That I killed her.”
Merlin’s eyes grew wide and he felt his heart break a little when he saw the tears in Arthur’s eyes. On instinct, he moved closer to Arthur and hugged him, like his Mum hugged him when he was sad.
And Arthur hugged him back so tightly that Merlin had a feeling that Arthur hadn’t gotten nearly enough hugs in his life so far. Merlin would do his best to change that.
“But you were a baby. Babies can’t kill people. It’s not your fault.”
“You think?”
“No, I know. Seriously, have you ever seen a baby kill someone, Arthur?”
“I guess not.”
“See? But we can ask my Mummy if you want to know for sure.”
Arthur nodded on Merlin’s shoulder. “Okay.”
Merlin’s Mum was outraged when she heard Arthur asking if it was possible that he’d killed his own mother. Arthur was crying again and Hunith had taken him into her arms like she always took Merlin into her arms when he was sad. And Merlin was glad that she did. He liked Arthur and he didn’t want him to be sad.
When Arthur left that night, he hugged Merlin and told him that he’d been wrong and that he didn’t hate him at all.
Merlin!
Do you want to be best friends?
Arthur
+
Arthur!
Yes, please!
Merlin
“Dumbo! Dumbo! Dumbo!” a boy from his class – Cedric – yelled at Merlin and Merlin didn’t like it at all. He liked his big ears and he liked Dumbo. But Cedric used it like it was a bad word and Merlin wanted him to stop.
“Look at Merlin’s big, ugly ears! He’s like Dumbo the elephant!” Cedric told another one of their classmates, Valiant, who just joined into the choir of insults, leaving Merlin angry and on the verge of tears . Maybe he shouldn’t like his big ears after all? Maybe they were wrong?
He was just about to really start crying and run to a teacher when Arthur stepped in front of him and glared at the two mean boys.
“Leave Merlin alone!” he hissed and the boys started laughing even louder.
“Why, is he your boyfriend?”
“No, but he’s my friend and you will leave him alone! His ears are fine and he’s much prettier than you!”
“So he is your boyfriend!” Valiant mocked and Merlin thought that Arthur was very close to punching him.
“Arthur and Merlin are in love!” Valiant started yelling through the whole classroom and Merlin and Arthur both blushed in a deep shade of pink.
“We’re not!” they both yelled back, but it was too late to stop the mocking.
“Arthur likes bo-oys!”
“No! Stop saying that!” Arthur shouted back, but it was no use.
Eventually more kids joined in and even though Merlin knew Arthur wasn’t one to start crying, it looked like he was very close to it. Nobody liked to be bullied after all.
In the end Merlin and Arthur ended up crying in the bathroom, both huddled together and holding hands to comfort each other. Merlin let his magic reach out to Arthur, tentatively wrapping it around him to keep him warm and safe. Merlin did like Arthur. And boys. But he didn’t want to be mocked for it. He didn’t like mocking. And he didn’t understand why it was something to be mocked for.
When their teacher found them in the bathroom they told him what happened and Cedric and Valiant had to do extra work for the next day.
Merlin was glad, but he knew it wouldn’t stop them from mocking them again.
Dear Merlin,
My sister explained to me what Cedric meant when he called us gay. It means that two boys or two girls love each other. And that they like to kiss each other.
I don’t want to kiss you.
Love, Arthur
+
Dear Arthur,
I don’t want to kiss you either. Or anyone. That’s gross.
Love, Merlin
Arthur made sure not to hug Merlin in public after that day. Merlin didn’t mind too much, although he really liked hugging Arthur. Arthur was warm and soft and he smelled nice. But they were friends and Merlin realized that he probably shouldn’t like hugging his friend that much.
When Arthur’s father went on a business trip sometime in spring, Arthur was allowed to stay with Merlin and his Mum for two weeks, after Arthur had begged for days and explained to his Dad that he’d rather stay with his friend than a nanny he didn’t like. So eventually Uther had called Hunith and they’d settled everything.
Arthur and Merlin spend most of the time playing games or watching TV together and it felt a lot like having a brother. Merlin enjoyed having Arthur around so much that he wished he could stay with them forever.
They were sitting in Merlin’s room – about a week after Arthur had come to stay with Merlin and his Mum – and building a Lego castle when Merlin decided that he wanted to share his secret with Arthur. He’d never shown anyone, but he’d always wanted to and Arthur was his best friend – so who could Merlin ever show if not him?
“I have magic,” Merlin said and broke their companionable silence.
Arthur looked up at him and burst into laughter.
“Don’t be silly. Magic is not real. Or wait – is this a game? If it is, I want to be a dragon!”
Merlin made a face. “It’s not a game! I really have magic! Look!”
He focussed on a few pieces of Lego and let them levitate above the ground.
“WHOA!” Arthur jumped up and came closer. “Do that again!”
Merlin let the pieces swirl in the air this time and Arthur beamed at him like he’d seen a miracle – well, he probably had.
“You are a wizard! That’s so cool! So is – is Hogwarts real?”
Merlin shook his head. “No. Hogwarts is not real. At least I don’t think it is. Would be cool if it were, though, wouldn’t it? I’d definitely be a Slytherin. But I never met another person with magic like me.”
“A Slytherin? Really? Aren’t they all evil? You’re not evil.”
“There are nice Slytherins, too! My Mum said it’s not the house that makes them evil, it’s the person.”
Arthur made a face. “Obviously I’d be in Gryffindor!”
Merlin nodded. “I think so, too. You’re brave and strong like a Gryffindor.”
“We’d still be friends, though, wouldn’t we?”
Grinning broadly, Merlin tackled Arthur to the floor. “Of course!”
Arthur struggled against Merlin’s grip, laughing loudly. But Arthur was stronger than Merlin, so he managed to free himself and throw a Lego at Merlin’s head.
“Do more magic!”
Arthur!
You can’t tell anyone about my magic. Not even your Dad. They will take me away if anyone finds out.
M
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No, they can’t take you away! I won’t tell anyone. I promise!
A
In second grade, Arthur came to school one day looking very sad. Merlin had never seen him like that before, so he grabbed his hand under the table when he sat down and squeezed it comfortingly. But Arthur was still looking sad when the first break started, so Merlin dragged him into the loo with him and hugged him tightly.
“What’s the matter, Arthur?” he asked softly.
“Nothing,” Arthur said defensively, avoiding Merlin’s eyes.
“That’s not true. Something is wrong. Tell me.”
Arthur sighed and looked up at Merlin, tears brimming in his eyes.
“My Dad yelled at me this morning. He was really angry. He said I have to get better at school, because if I don’t, then my Mum died for nothing. He said I’m not good enough.”
Merlin felt his magic raging in his veins. Arthur’s Dad wasn’t nice and Merlin hated him.
“That’s not true. Your Dad is so mean! You’re my best friend and I love you very much. I would be very sad if you weren’t here.”
Arthur bit his lip.
“Really?” he asked, a single tear rolling down his cheek.
Merlin nodded and closed his eyes for a moment to concentrate on his magic. He felt it bubbling under the surface of his skin, and he asked it to make Arthur feel better. He let it reach out and wrap itself around Arthur like a blanket.
“Really.”
A soft smile appeared on Arthur’s face.
“Is that you magic?”
“Yes. Is it nice?”
“It’s very nice. I feel… warm. It’s like a hug.”
Merlin smiled.
“It likes you just as much as I do.”
Arthur pulled Merlin into a tight hug.
“You’re my best friend, too, Merlin. Let’s never fight, okay? We always have to tell each other everything and we’ll forever be friends. Promise?”
That sounded very nice. Merlin nodded.
“Promise.”