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Robert had been avoiding her.
It’s been a week since Courtney was admitted to the hospital, and he hadn’t visited once. Not because he didn’t want to. There was nothing else he wanted more than to see her, he had been quietly observing her recovery- taking notes from Mandy and Golem.
Both of them were getting impatient with how stupid he was acting. He couldn’t blame them after all.
She still believes you will show up. Mandy had said. Fucking grow a pair and tell her how you feel, why did you kiss her if you were planning to be such an asshole?
Robert had gotten Mandy- The Blonde Blazer, to cuss at him like she’s a Z teamer.
Imma be real with you, I’m a 100 percent supporter of Visimech- that’s the shipping name I gave yall but if you keep hurting her... I don’t know gang, I might have to put you down. Bruno told him.
He exhaled. The truth was that he was terrified of just how much he wanted to see her, every moment of this last week had been spent in convincing himself that he was somehow harmful for her. He carried a lot baggage and he knew she did too.
The trust she placed on him fucking mortified him, he didn’t know what to do with it. Being a mentor and helping people become better was one thing but this? This type of bond. This type of relationship or whatever they were, it was completely new territory for him.
His past relationships had barely been anything but exaggerated versions of a fling, a deep yearning for intimacy that inevitably faded because Robert believed good things never last for him.
The way she had looked at him on that terrace before passing out had shook him to his core. He cannot handle that type of trust being placed on him, as if he was the center of her universe. He was terrified of what it would mean to lose her if he allowed this to go further than it already had because from where he was standing- The border had been breached and the soldiers were already storming the capital.
A lot had happened in these past two weeks, the two people he cared about the most had almost died for him. The thought of it was tearing Robert apart, he couldn’t have lived with himself if Chase or Courtney died for him. Because of him.
He wasn’t cut out for this-
His phone hummed.
A new text message from ‘unknown’
He knew exactly who this unknown was. They had been texting him atleast once a day for the past week.
Monday-
Hey! We made it huh
Feels so fuckin unreal
I just wanted to thank you
And shit like
Yeah im kinda bad at this lol
Blondie helped me check in to the hospital btw
Said she’d give you the address
But don’t feel like visiting soon or somethin lol
Help the team with the clean up
Im not going anywhere
See you Robbie!
Tuesday-
So.. you’re busy huh
Hope its not taking too much of a toll
Ik how you can get with work
Just take breaks every now and then ok?
Wednesday-
Its getting boring
I got nothing to do here
The doctors look at me weirdly
Guess im used to that
Saving the city wont change that lol
The team keeps me occupied when they get the time tho
Visit me and shit
I uh..
I ask about you
They say you are ok and im glad
Take care okay?
Robert
Thursday-
Chase came to visit today
Even Galen whose name I didn’t even really know
They were nice tho
I apologized to chase and he smiled at me
I couldn’t believe it
he said sorry too
I wish you were here
I miss you
Friday-
Just checking in again
Ik you think im pathetic by now lol
Don’t blame you
Have a good weekend Robert
Yesterday-
Its me isn’t it?
you don’t wanna see me
I understand that
I don’t know I just felt you…
I don’t know what I felt
Its ok Robert
If you feel any guilt or pity over me rambling like an idiot
You shouldn’t
Its not your fault and I don’t balme you ok?
Blame*
Fuck sorry im a bit.. yeah
Im sorry
Im so fucking soryr
Im a mess
I don’t know why I thought you liked me
Im so fuckin stupid
I ruined your life
You don’t owe me jackshit
I wont bother you again
Im getting discharged tomorrow and i
Ill quit
Ill go away
You deserve so much better
Today-
Just got discharged
The bus comes in 3 hours
Idk why im telling you this
You can ignore this and pretend it never happened
We never happened
I just wanted to say
Thank you for everything
You made me feel like I wasn’t what they said
Even if it was for a few moments
I can never trade that for anything
Ill always..
Fuck it.
I’ll always love you
Goodbye.
Robert re-read the whole Chat, everything she wrote that he pretended to ignore since Monday. He turned his phone off and rubbed his eyes, then he hiccupped and his head jerked forward.
He repeated that twice until it came crashing down, he was crying. He ruined this. He ruined her. He ruined them. There was nothing he can do anymore, he was too much of a coward.
Nothing good ever lasted for him but Courtney wasn’t just another what could’ve been for him. She was more. He felt drawn toward her like nothing else, he remembered how she had smiled at him after letting everyone know her real name. Every memory he had of her flashed into his mind as he kept sniffling.
Then came a knock.
Robert muttered a curse before getting up and wiping his eyes though he doubt he could hide the redness, but fuck it who gives a fuck anymore. He opened the door and was met with a familiar face.
Chase or.. Trackstar, he should call him now stood there arms folded, his expression shifted a little upon seeing Robert’s bloodshot-red eyes. Chase’s softening demeanor reminded him of those times as a kid when he would come crying to him and Chase tried to comfort him the best he could.
“You look like shit.” Chase allowed himself in.
“Yeah.. What gave you that impression?” Robert asked.
“Alright.. I’ll cut to the Chase-” Chase paused upon seeing Robert’s lips twitch into a smile at the last word, “I can’t fuckin believe you. You’re a total psychotic bitch”
“What? I can’t help it when you say ‘cut to the Chase’.. it’s my weakness.” Robert said.
“Yeah motherfucker, you ain’t getting’ outta this. Stop deflecting”
Robert sighed before nodding at Chase as he continued.
“Do you love her?”
Wow, straight to the the fucking point. There was no point in denying anymore he guessed but Robert chose to stay silent and looked down toward the floor instead.
“Yeah, I guessed as much.. so are you gonna explain to me what kinda angsty-CW ass drama you both got going?”
Robert thought for a few moments. He could just flip Chase off, get drunk and either kill himself on accident or spend all night talking to his dog like psychotic Doolittle or he could be honest for once with Chase, who’s more like a brother than a friend.
“I’m… afraid.”
“Of getting laid?”
“Of not knowing how I’ll live after getting laid.”
Chase rolled his eyes at that.
“Robert.. If this is about losing your virginity…”
“Fucking Christ Chase, I’m not a virgin.”
“Then please explain to me what is it that you mean.” Chase spoke sternly.
“I haven’t felt like this about anyone before… I guess I’m terrified of inevitably losing her.”
“Inevitably? After all that fate and alien cum bullshit you splattered out for the whole team to hear…”
“This is different Chase.. It’s all I have ever known. First mom, then dad.. you..” Chase’s jaw tightened, “I’m not trying to make you feel bad unc, Its not anybody’s fault. It’s just what happens and I… I won’t be able to handle it if I lose her. So, I guess I’m trynna losen the pain by not indulging in whatever this is.”
Chase sighed. He looked at him for a moment, and couldn’t help but sympathize with the kid he helped raise even if he was being kind of stupid right now. Mecha Man, one of the most famous heroes of America and here he was- scared shitless of a girl that talks about him like he is the only thing that matters.
It was pathetic.
“Look kid, I know the world hasn’t been kind to you. Fuck, that’s an understatement but how long would you allow the past to have an iron-grip over you?” Chase placed a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it, “You love her. She loves you, I saw her the day before and all she did was ask about you and how you were doing. I couldn’t believe this was the same Invisibitch I met all those months ago.”
Robert felt his eyes sting again.
“When she asked if you were gonna visit I.. I can’t lie it made me feel like shit. She’s hurt Robert and you’re the only one who can fix that.”
“That’s what I’m afraid of Chase, I don’t know if I deserve or am worthy of her trust.. What if-”
“Fuck What ifs” Chase cut him off, “It might work out- it might not. Point is, you won’t be lyin’ here 20 years later with your self-loathing ass thinkin’ what could’ve happened.”
Chase’s smart-watch made a noise, at which he cursed.
“Fuck.. Look kid, atleast talk to her about it alright? I need to go but I’ll see you soon.”
With that, Trackstar zoomed out of Robert’s apartment leaving him alone with his thoughts.
2 hours before Courtney’s bus arrives.
He sat back on his fouton and looked across the room where Beef was looking at him. Almost like he was judging him.
“You are right Bud.”
Robert got up again and stretched a little.
“I’m going to fix this.”
Courtney was seated near the bus stop, her bags next to her and a radio that had been the only constant in her life, following her ever since her dad died. No one was around at that moment so she had it playing on speaker.
Walking In The Rain by The Ronettes played as she waited.. pondering over how stupid she had been.
Of course he fucking hates her.
She can’t work with the team knowing he hates her.
Her leaving is the best for everyone. They don’t need unnecessary drama.
She owes them that.
I want him. And I need him (The song played)
She wonders if she will ever see him again and what would she say to him. She had believed when he said he forgave her and then kissed her back but maybe he changed his mind. Someone talked some sense into him.
Afterall she can’t blame him, its not up to her. Didn’t hurt no less though. She was so giddy and lovey-dovey the first day she arrived at the hospital thinking just maybe, she has something to look forward to. She should have known better.
This moment right now felt so much like the ending of a cheesy romance flick, like the hero was just about to arrive before the heroine left for good. All misunderstandings and complications would be resolved as they would share a kiss in the moonlight with fireworks all around.
That doesn’t happen in real life and certainly not for Courtney, Real life for her meant loneliness and self-loathing. She loathed over that part of her who still believed. Even at this moment where she is about to leave for good, she still believes that somehow… he will be here.
He’ll be kind of shy… And real good looking too..
She is a little dizzy, still on painkillers and it feels like she can almost see him. God, how the fuck am I ever going to get over him.
It scares her.
She looks in front of her at the off distance, a figure just like Robert moving toward her. She looks at it, eyes entranced as if she is on drugs (which she is)
If only things were different.
The figure got closer and closer… until it was right across the road from her.
Robert. The definitely-not-real Robert was shaking, he looked like a mess just like she did- eyes blood shot red from crying and tired shoulders. He tries to speak but can only get one word out.
“Courtney...”
Courtney’s eyes twitched but they remain entranced.
“So… you’ll be able to talk too huh?”
“Wh-what?” Robert was still shuddering.
“Sleep paralysis demon Robert, am I in a limbo or some shit? Did I do Heroin? Please don’t tell me I did.”
“Woah, what the fuck, you did heroin?” Robert started to make his way across the road to her.
“I don’t think so. You tell me, aren’t you supposed to be a representation of my sub-conscious? Fuckin’ Freud or Jung or whatever the fuck.” Courtney spoke without being able to take her eyes off his.
“Courtney.. I’m real.” he touched her shoulder, “See? I’m real Courtney.”
Courtney was awakened from her trance. She flinched at his touch, leaping away, slouching with her hands pressing on both sides of her body. She had already started panting heavily, pulling an inhaler out of her jacket and bringing it to her mouth.
“Hey… relax, please I-I have a lot to say.” Robert spoke trying his best to control his composure.
“No.. Please Robert, I know, I-I know I deserve it but please don’t tell me you hate me” Courtney had started sobbing as she pleaded, “I wo-won’t be able to handle it please.. You’ll never see me again I swear, Please just- ”
“Courtney! It’s not your fault. I am the one you should be screaming at.” Robert let out, “I am the stupid idiot who ignored your messages and didn’t come visit because he had attachment issues.”
Courtney looked up at him.
“W-what do you mean?” She asked.
“I have been afraid of seeing you because I couldn’t handle the fact that I might lose you…” Robert looked down, “That if I get too attached, you would inevitably go away because I fuck up or this fuckin’ world takes you from me and I-I didn’t have the strength to face it.”
“Robert..” Courtney let out.
“I-I’m so fucking sorry Courtney… I’m such an idiot. I hurt you.. more than once. You took that bullet for me and I can’t even handle the fact that I..”
Courtney’s eyes widened.
“Fuck it..” Robert inhaled, “That I love you.”
Robert allowed himself to look at her, instantly catching her eyes that stared back at him and he realized Chase was right.
She was a black hole, her eyes were anyway. They sucked you in until you were nothing but husk. Her eyes captured his in a plunge so deep, the invisible scar bled more than any he had patched up over the years.
It was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. His breath hitched.
“Courtney.. ”
“No, Robert don’t apologize please.. I don’t deserve-”
“Courtney..”
“I don’t deserve it Robert, I don’t deserve your love-”
Like walkin' in the rain
And wishin' on the stars up above
He took a leap of faith. He kissed her before she could finish. It was hungry like the kiss in the locker room. She was shocked at first but melted soon after, she tasted of nicotine gum. As their lips moved, they found a rhythm. Their kiss was passionate and sweet, they kept their eyes closed as Robert’s left hand found her waist pulling her closer and Courtney put her arms around his neck.
And bein' so in love
They pulled apart after what seemed ages, forehead on forehead breathing heavily.
“God, I’m such a fucking idiot.” Robert panted out.
“Yes, you fucking are..” Courtney let out sniffling but she was smiling now.
They both had started tearing up during the kiss but their cheeks were flushed and they shared a dorky smile that conveyed all that needed to be said.
“I’m never letting you go again.” Robert promised.
“You better not, asshole.” Courtney replied.
Robert hugged her.
“I mean it. I can’t without you.. You’re it for me.” He muttered into her ear.
“I-I was so scared Robert..”
“I know.. I know. I’ll spend rest of my life to make up for what I did”
“Don’t..”
“What?” Robert pulled back to look at her.
“I forgive you.” Courtney stated.
“But I-” Courtney cut him off.
“You did asshole shit when you were an asshole. Does it change things that some of it was directed at me? Kinda, I dunno.”
Robert let out a laugh, his first in a week. Courtney joined him as they laughed together like a bunch of idiots refusing to let go of each other’s touch as if that could lead to a cataclysmic disaster.
The laughter settled down as he looked into her eyes once again.
“I love you.. so much that it hurts.”
Courtney placed her palm on his cheek and kissed him.
“I love you too.. but it’s gonna look like I don’t when you take me back to your apartment and I ride your guilt away.”
“Is that a… promise?”
“We’ll find out Lt. Dan.”