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Kunikida and Dazai had been given a case and, seeing that Atsushi is Dazai's subordinate, he was asked to also participate in it. It was nothing too wild, it really wasn’t. A rogue ability user who leaked government information to anyone who could pay enough. Although no one had been and probably won't be in immediate danger, the detectives needed to deal with the case as quickly as possible by the First Minister's orders. What came out of that? Three days of constant work, barely any sleep, four days of confusing bureaucracy and a shit ton of written paperwork.
On the first night after the criminal's capture, Atsushi couldn't wait to lay in bed as early as possible and finally sleep properly after having to use up all of his energy for 3 days in a row. Alas, life didn't want to be easy, it seems, because he barely fell asleep during those noctornal hours. His brain played on repeat random statements and information about the case, making it impossible for him to fully relax and enter a so wanted deep slumber.
Nonetheless in the morning there Atsushi was, starting his work hours at the Agency just a bit earlier than usual, tired, stressed, yet forcing himself to act like the complete opposite. He gave Kunikida a cheery good morning when his mentor's partner handed him the final bits of paperwork assigned to his name. He sat on his desk and opened his laptop. He tried his best to put his mind to work and forget all those nagging feelings creeping up his spine and knotting around his brain.
The clock pointed towards near midday when Dazai and Kunikida both got startled by a scared Atsushi. The boy jumped up from his seat in fright, the chair rolling straight to the wall. He heard him calling. He heard that man calling his name. … Did he find him? Did the Headmaster track him down? Why- why would he? Why is he here? … Atsushi frantically looked around, searching for someone who wasn't there at all. His body, already with its daily dose of caffeine, made him even more irrational. While his mind thought about every possibility, his heart pumped oxigenated blood 4 times more than it should need. Every part- every cell of Atsushi's being was on immediate alert.
"Atsushi." God, that voice terrified him. Where is he? Why is he doing this?.
"Atsushi... are you alright?" Now, why would he care? No- no, of course. It's a trick question, he'll hurt him either way.
"Atsushi?"
A hand touches his shoulder and his skin burns as if it was red-hot metal scorching his flesh. The world felt cold, his mind became foggy, furthering Atsushi into a prey-like mindset that screamed at every neuron, every brain connection of his worthless body "get away! Run. Run".
Dazai's hand got slapped away by the white haired boy, who, while loudly hyperventilating, had just locked himself into the currently unused meeting room. The entire work staff stayed silent, even Ranpo stopped munching on sweets while everything happened, now half-regretting to have never warned anyone earlier about Atsushi's problem.
Before taking any action, Kunikida glanced at Dazai, lips pressed shut like they always do whenever these sensitive situations came around. He sighs, fixes his glasses, and turns around to follow the scared boy's escape route.
Turns out Atsushi didn't really lock the door (Kunikida is relieved to say the least). What he did do was pull one of the mobile chairs behind it. It served no purpose, as Kunikida easily pushed the door open, passing through the chair's barrier without problem.
Atsushi had practically glued himself in one of the unused corners of the room. His side and back completely touched the wall while small and rapid breaths puffed through his lips, cold sweat slowly forming and shining around his face. His hands, trembling with no stop, still managed to grip and hug the rest of his body in a poor attempt of self-comfort.
The scene felt strangely uncanny to Kunikida, on how he had just witnessed such an amount of panic surge out of nowhere and manifest itself so, so quietly. This way of reacting couldn’t had be formed naturally, and Kunikida knew the basics of Atsushi’s traumatic life. It churned his stomach to think about the man who imposed this onto Atsushi’s mind, no kid deserves that treatment.
Atsushi cried silently, he couldn't even afford sobbing with too much force because that, too, got punished away from him during his childhood.
The idealist's heart broke into two. He didn't yet understand what had happened and what triggered Atsushi to panic so much, nonetheless the last thing he wishes to do is to exacerbate his subordinate's fear. Kunikida knelt down two meters away from him, not daring to make any sudden movement or noise, treating the kid as if he was a scared abandoned animal. "Atsushi-kun, it’s Kunikida." He assures with a toned down and calm voice. One that meant safeness – at least that's what he wished it to portray.
A strained gulp followed by a slightly uncluching of his fingers and a high pitched whine is what the older observed, relieved, since that meant Atsushi is still somewhat present.
At the same moment, Dazai slithers inside the room – if it weren't for Kunikida's experiences with dealing with his partner's antics, he wouldn't have been able to hear him.– The brunette also sat on the ground, only a few meters away from Kunikida, wanting to give Atsushi a bit more privacy.
"Atsushi-kun, can you look at me? What's happening?" The man continues
Yellow and purple eyes meets his own. Atsushi turns to grip his knees instead of hugging his own torso. "h-heard him,, callin- my.my name." His voice, tiny and fragile, quivered.
"Who?-"
His question is interrupted.
"Atsushi-kun, he's not here." Dazai affirms, scooting over a bit more closer. "I promise you, I checked!"
Had Kunikida just hallucinated or had him witnessed a rare sight? Dazai, filling his words with care. He's even smiling –and it's not a smug smile! This one's genuine.
Both men are met with a pair of teary eyes staring at them. Atsushi's still hidden, but, "...promis'?"
"Mhm!", Dazai smiles yet again while Kunikida looks at both of them in awe.
The tiger slowly uncurls himself and rubs his eyes. He's putting all of his trust in Dazai's words, because… he wouldn't lie to him, right? He can trust him!
Atsushi's train of thought stops after a hand shows up in front of his field of vision. It's Kunikida's, and he looks like he's trying to invite Atsushi to a hug. The younger, after analyzing the older's face in search of assurance, clumsily takes his hand and scoots to his side. A comforting yet heavy arm welcomes him and lays itself on his shoulders, his hand making circles on his upper arm.
Kunikida wants so many answers. He's so confused! But no matter, right now isn't the time. While Atsushi made himself comfortable in his hug, Dazai had gone out of the room yet again. What was he doing? – actually, scratch that. How did he know what to say to calm Atsushi down so quickly? If one thing's right, is that Kunikida saw Dazai as the most emotionally closed off person ever, but his previous actions somewhat contradicted that belief.
Kunikida eventually decides to leave his questions to the side, he's still feeling Atsushi lightly trembling on his side. That panic attack must have taken a lot on his body... He ends up wrapping his arm around the kid with a bit more pressure and watches with the corner of his eyes the tired boy laying his head on his own chest.
Soon, the brunette enters the room for the second time and Kunikida swears there's a hint of a proud smile on the bastard's face. Dazai held the folded throw blanket that usually stays at the office's sofa on one arm and some beverages with his other.
"Brought some things" he almost whispers, "thought they could maybe help." Dazai proceeds to kneel directly in front of Atsushi and hand him a small juice box – one that Kunikida remembers seeing in the fridge with Ranpo's name on. Oh. These two had talked before about this! That's why Dazai's handling this so perfectly...
Atsushi glazes at the juice box, biting the inside of his cheeks, and then looks to Dazai like he's asking if that's for him. Dazai, of course, brings the juice a bit closer to him, a silent "yes". The white haired boy grabs the box with both hands, and Dazai changes his attention to Kunikida by turning to his side and grabbing his cellphone. Kunikida furrows with confusion while Dazai types away on his phone until he eventually turns the screen to him and sees the notes app open, with stuff written on it.
"I have my theories that Atsushi-kun may have heard his Headmaster's voice today, and that's why i said that to him (seeing that it calmed him down, i'm now pretty sure i'm correct!) (o≧▽゜)o
Anyway..."
Before Kunikida could scowl, Dazai turns his phone back at himself again, types a bit more, and shows it to him one more time.
"Because of that, Atsushi-kun seems to have age regressed."
"Age regres-...?”
Kunikida's confusion is put to an end by Dazai’s voice, "Do you want some help, Atsushi-kun?" He coaxes. And that's when the blond turns his head to see Atsushi still fumbling with the plastic straw and trying to open the juice box while scrunching up his face in frustration.
Age regression, from what Kunikida remembers, is a behavior usually present in trauma survivors... in which, looking back now, Atsushi perfectly falls over. He feels the want to blame himself, it never passed through Kunikida's mind how Atsushi's brain could react with his very obvious PTSD... what if this isn't the first time the younger have regressed in his presence without Kunikida noticing? What if he didn't feel safe back then? Surely it can't be good for him to feel more afraid in these moments, how irresponsible was he….
"Kunikida-kunnn. Stop using that head of yours!" His partner's whine brings he back to the situation, then noticinh that Dazai had already helped Atsushi, and now the kid was happily sipping on his juice box, still holding it with both hands. “Why don’t you hand that blanket to Atsushi-kun, hm?~ What do you think, ‘sushi boy? I got that one blanket that you like.”
Come to think of it, he had been feeling kinda cold ‘til now. Dazai-san’s so smart, he even knew Atsushi’s favorite blanket! “blanket, yes… pleas’” he affirms. It goes without notice in the back of his mind, though, how mushy everything’s started to feel. But Dazai and Kunikida-san haven’t said anything strange, so maybe that’s alright..? It surely isn't uncomfortable... It's strangely soothing, actually. Atsushi expected himself to be freaking out because he's taking precious time away from his mentors, but they are treating him so softly, he starts to wish he could have more of this.
Kunikida smiles and drops the blanket on the younger one’s shoulders, who now visibly relaxes and lets go of the remaining anxiety still residing in his muscles – now everything that rests in Atsushi is only the panic attack consequential exhaustion. “You know… Atsushi-kun, what do you think about resting for a bit in the break room?” He suggests. The blond would urge Atsushi to go back to his dorm for the day, but it doesn’t feel right leaving the boy alone this time. It felt somewhat cruel, to think of it.
“That’s a perfect idea! I can make you company, Atsushi-kun!" Dazai barges in. "Can’t have our office kitty being all alone like that, huh?” No doubt he cares about Atsushi, but yet again he’s still taking opportunities to get away from paperwork! Kunikida doesn’t verbally intervene, but he does judge Dazai with a well deserved side eye.
Atsushi’s white hair sprawls across Dazai’s lap. The kid had immediately laid his head on the older’s thigh when they sat at the sofa. Reluctantly, Dazai runs his fingers through the white strands, and the comparison between a cat’s fur and Atsushi’s hair can almost be unnoticeable.
He looks so peaceful like this…
Dazai knows it’s ironic, but sometimes all he wants to see is his mentee’s abuser suffer. Of course, he himself would deserve the same fate in that case. His mafia persona became the image of a heartless abuser soon after Mori-san put him in upper ranks. Dazai got off on making his subordinates' life hell, and Akutagawa servers as life proof of that. The difference between both boys was that, too. Dazai had served the purpose of being both an abuser and a benevolant figure in the same life.
He wonders if, in the end, he’s really that different from the orphanage’s director.
“Hey, don’t you see Atsushi-kun biting himself? Don’t let him do that!” Kunikida’s hushed voice takes Dazai out of his stupor when he makes his way into the breakroom. Dazai looked down and saw Atsushi half nibbling, half sucking on his fingers while sleeping. It was utterly adorable, but unfortunately also not good for him.
The man coos at the younger while gently taking the fingers out of his mouth. “Our office kitty is having the best sleep I see” he whispers to himself, “but you can hurt yourself like this, Sushi-chan~”
“I’ve already superficially explained the situation to the boss. He said he understands and to ask for help if case needed.” Kunikida opens some cabinets and analyzes what they have to work with. “Ranpo-san and I will go out to restock some supplies and look for some things that can help Atsushi-kun… I suppose a teether will do good.” He noted upon seeing Dazai still struggling to not let Atsushi chew his fingers again.
The room gets silent between the detectives and filled with the want of answers.
“Hey, Dazai… how…- I mean, how did you know what to do?, back when Atsushi was panicking?” Kunikida was aware of what age regressing meant. During his many years as detectives, he had seen a lot of stuff happen, a lot of tragedies too. But he never thought Dazai, of all people, would know how to react so naturally to Atsushi’s fragile mind.
Or, come to think of it, maybe Kunikida just hadn’t thought too much. Dazai always dedicated more to his work performance whenever children were involved. Smiling to them, making them feel as safe as the situation lets them… Kunikida can now recall one time the agency was on a rescue mission to find a kidnapped girl. From the moment they found her until the moment it was time to let her go back to her guardians, Dazai entertained her, stayed by her side, even going as far as handing her his coat whenever she had panic attacks. Kunikida erroneously attributed that to Dazai trying to free himself from work, now he understands he had the wrong vision about his partner.
Dazai doesn’t make the effort to meet Kunukida’s eyes, still prefering to study Atsushi’s peaceful sleeping.
His lips curve in a melancholic smile, “I’ve had my years of experience... Wasn’t Kunikida-kun aware that I was a primary school teacher before coming here?” That smile switched into a smug, Dazai now turning his head to his partner with a questioning tilt.
“dumbass! There’s no way your bandaged idiot head was a teacher!!” Exasperated, he makes his way back out to the door. “I’m going out now. Don’t even think about doing something funny while I'm gone!” Kunikida only hears snickering when he closes the breakroom door.
The sun had made its halfway mark in the sky when Kunikida came back with grocery bags and bentōs, since none of them still hadn’t had lunch. He got Atsushi a karaage sando assuming the brat wouldn’t have much of an appetite for other “complicated” meals, but as for him and Dazai, the simple tamagoyaki combination would do.
Upon stepping inside of the breakroom, Kunikida sees both Atsushi AND Dazai snoozing off, and while Atsushi has a decent head support, using Dazai’s tight as a makeshift pillow, Dazai has no head nor neck support. He somehow fell asleep with his head uncomfortably leaning backwards onto the sofa’s back. Putting everything down on the counter, he stands there powerless. Dazai will wake up aching and Kunikida just knows it will somehow be his problem tomorrow.
“K’nida?” Atsushi’s groggy voice catches his attention.
He turns his his head and sees Atsushi sitting up, leaning onto his arm as support while rubbing his eye again with his other fist.
“Hi Atsushi-kun. Did you have a good nap?”
Kunikida gains a “mhm” as an answer. “‘Zai fell ‘sleep too…”
“I’ll wake him up soon, it’s okay.” He starts to go around putting every recently bought grocery in its desired place, pausing for a second to ask Atsushi. “we’ll have lunch in a minute, kid. … Do you need help to go to the bathroom while I wake Dazai up?”
The younger fumbles a bit and yawns. “Mno… ‘can go alone”.
Atsushi gets up and starts walking to the bathroom, and Kunikida can’t help himself to not think how cute his hair is right now, so disheveled from all of Dazai’s petting.
Kunikida takes the time to wake his partner up, and he does it by gracefully throwing a throw pillow at his chest (one could say he’s using it accordingly).
When Atsushi comes back, Dazai is saying outloud all of his plans to annoy Kunikida as much as possible in the next week. The boy hides his mouth under his hands in an attempt to hide his laughter. Putting salt inside the sugar packets? Varnishing all of Kunikida pencil tips? Dazai’s mind’s so silly!
“See, Kunikida? Sushi-chan agrees with me!” Dazai exclaims, only making Atsushi laugh even more.
Before they sat down to eat, Kunikida still assisted Atsushi at the sink to better clean his hands, because they noticed his motor function had also become wobbly, like one of a child. Nonetheless, after that, all of them could finally sit down and eat. (Kunikida still made the effort to cut Atsushi’s sandwich in smaller pieces, just to make sure).
With their hunger crushed and their thirst quenched, Kunikida made the decision to stay with Atsushi while Dazai had to accompany Ranpo to a case. And already having predicted that Atsushi could get bored, he had bought some things that could help.
Atsushi was back on the sofa, sitting straight but slouched down on a pillow. He tapped his foot to the ground continuously while Kunikida sat beside the low table with a laptop open. The kid was getting very bothered by not having anything to do, yet he still kept quiet. That too contributed to Kunikida's dread about the kid's past. He didn’t let himself focus too much on the dread, after all, because Atsushi started biting his fingers again.
Kunikida gets up, grabs something near the sink and also one of the plastic bags from earlier. He sits next to Atsushi, who had watched every movement of his until then. “Here, I have something for you, kid.” He offers, handing a baby teether to him.
Atsushi's eyes beamed with joy at the gift. It had a funny wobbly shape in baby green color and a lof of different little bumps and textures.
“Ff’ me.?” he crooned.
“Yes. You can chew on it instead of your hands, so you don’t hurt your self”
Maybe just giving Atsushi that toy only would be sufficient to keep him entertained for some hours, but wishing that the younger forms a more positive assosiation with regressing, since he knows this will hopefully be the first of many times (he didn't want Atsushi avoiding healthy coping mechanisms), Kunikida offers another thing: a children's coloring book and a pack of crayons. “You can sit next to me if you want, it’ll be easier to color at the table.”
Atsushi’s eyes had a glimpse of light that Kunikida thought he had never seen before, but he soon remembered he had, and could pinpoint when. The kid had the same expression when Dazai found him starving near the river and made Kunikida buy him food.
Now he can’t thank the universe enough for spending almost ⅓ of his salary that day. And how he would openly do it again if needed.
In fact, he will do it again, only preferably this time not using that much money in such a short time, but Kunikida made up his mind.
He’ll accommodate Atsushi and take care of him. It’s the least he could do, and since Atsushi’s mind decided that sometimes regressing is the best choice, then this is his chance to give Atsushi a second, better, childhood.