Chapter Text
Nino's day had been pretty average so far.
Sure, his best bud Adrien was out sick today, but other than that it was going okay. Besides the akuma attack, which was normal for Paris anyway. What was cool was that Ladybug had called on him to be Carapace for today’s akuma battle. It was kinda fun and only a little terrifying to run across rooftops and fight the baddie of the week (or day. Shadow Moth had been sending out more and more akumas lately), and Wayzz was pretty chill for an ancient turtle spirit with magic powers tied to a bracelet. It sucked that Alya couldn’t join them (at least, not in the open), but it was nice that his girlfriend was still part of the team, just lurking in the shadows instead. Ladybug gave him the rundown when she handed him his miraculous and zipped off before he could ask any follow-up questions. But Nino figured that following the sound of the evil cackling and screaming would guide him towards the akuma.
And the explosions. How could he forget the explosions?
Today's akuma was an angry chef, one who was smacking people with a frying pan and throwing eggs that also exploded, because why not? Not the weirdest akuma Nino's seen, but definitely one of the more dangerous ones. Nino’s on crowd control, making sure no one gets hit by the egg bombs being tossed left and right, and holding down the fort until Ladybug and Chat Noir show up to save the day. Ladybug’s probably still out recruiting heroes, because she hasn't returned yet and Vesperia just showed up. That's fine, except it's just Nino on defense, Vesperia doing... something, and stealth Rena, who no one knows is there. Usually Chat Noir would be here by now, ready to play distraction and keep the akuma away from the crowds, but he's been late to a lot of battles recently.
Right on cue, boots thud down behind him, and Nino whirls around to see Chat Noir, looking a bit pale.
“Hey,” Chat Noir says quietly. “What's the situation?”
Thank god he's finally here, Nino doesn't say because he isn't an asshole, but he definitely thinks it. “Akuma’s a chef with explosives, so I've been focused on evacuation. Don't know what's going on with the sentimonster.”
He nods. “Where's Ladybug?”
“Gathering more temps, I think. I saw Vesperia around a little while ago.”
“Ah.” Chat Noir tries and fails to conceal a grimace. He isn't entirely sure why, but he thinks Chat Noir doesn't like Vesperia very much. Which is weird, because she's been nothing but nice.
“Guess I'm on distraction duty until Ladybug gets back?” Chat Noir says wryly.
Nino shrugs. “That’d be nice.”
Chat Noir opens his mouth to say something, and instead coughs. And coughs. And keeps coughing.
“Uh,” Nino’s hand hovers above Chat Noir’s shoulder, unsure if he should be doing something to help. “You good, dude?”
Chat Noir coughs, raising a hand. “‘m fine—” And then he starts coughing again.
He definitely doesn't seem fine, but Nino doesn't really have time to worry about Chat Noir choking to death on his own spit because all the (loud) coughing has attracted the attention of one angry akuma, who is throwing an egg right at them, oh shit—
Nino grabs Chat Noir's hand and starts running at max speed (which is actually pretty fast, even though he has the turtle miraculous). Chat Noir is still coughing behind him, although that might also be from the smoke coming from the egg bombs that exploded (hah, eggs-ploded) right where they were just standing. “Hey asshole!” He hears Vesperia shout from somewhere behind him, and the akuma angrily yells in response. Another reason to like Vesperia: she's saving both him and Chat Noir from a terrible fate via egg bombs. He hauls the two of them into an alleyway, and Chat Noir staggers over to lean against the wall. He's still coughing. Nino didn't even know you could cough for that long in one sitting. Nino's not really sure what to do here, but he figures it's probably a good idea to stick with Chat Noir and confirm he isn't going to die. Thankfully, the dude's coughs start to taper off, and he groans. “Ugh.”
Nino thumps him on the back a few times, and Chat Noir lets out another cough. Thankfully, this one doesn't keep going.
Chat Noir leans his head back against the wall, raising an eyebrow. “You wouldn't happen to have any cough drops on you, would you?”
Nino pats himself down, as if somehow he'll magically manifest pockets that have cough drops in them. “Nope, sorry.”
Chat Noir sighs, pushing himself off the wall. “It's fine. I'm good now. Thanks for saving my ass.”
“No problem man. Uh, are you sure you're good?”
Chat Noir hesitates a beat too long before nodding. “Just a little under the weather.”
Nino raises an eyebrow. “Wait, you aren't sick, are you?” There's been a nasty cold going around for the past few weeks. Alya caught it a while back, and it knocked her out for the better part of a week.
“Only a little bit,” Chat Noir rasps.
Nino immediately takes a step back. “Ugh, I don't wanna get sick. Keep your distance, man,” He says lightheartedly, and Chat Noir frowns.
In the distance, there's another explosion, and Chat Noir’s head snaps towards the sound. Right, they're in the middle of an akuma battle. Chat Noir pokes his head out to look around. “All clear,” he says, and then he slips out of the alleyway.
Hm. Probably not great that their heavy hitter is sick, but if Chat Noir says he’s fine, he’s probably fine, right?
Probably.
…Maybe he should keep an eye on him, just in case.
Nino throws himself back into the fray, slipping back into the role of protecting people and getting them out of the way, a job made much easier by Chat Noir and Vesperia, and also Pegasus, who has just arrived. Hopefully Ladybug isn't too far behind. There’s only so much they can do to fight an akuma without Ladybug there to purify it. Every once in a while he looks over at Chat Noir, since someone should really be covering his back if he's sick, and what he does see is… not great.
Chat Noir is slow and sluggish, taking longer to react than he should. Several times he's leaped out of the way of a hit, only to stumble on the landing. He's also sticking to the streets, not pole vaulting on top of the rooftops like he usually would. His voice is raspy, and he doesn’t shout nearly as loudly as he normally does when he’s taunting an akuma. Most alarming of all, he’s only made two puns. Maybe he’s made a few more when Nino wasn’t paying attention, but that’s still not nearly as many as Chat Noir normally makes.
Nino's eyes keep glancing towards the rooftops, looking for Ladybug’s red, but the only thing he sees is Rena’s occasional blue. He splits his attention between making sure there aren't any more people injured or trapped in the area they’ve unofficially designated as their battlefield, and watching Chat Noir dance around the akuma, slowly faltering as the fight goes on.
And then, of course, everything goes wrong.
Chat Noir is just a bit too slow to dodge a hit from the akuma’s frying pan, and is sent flying back. He slams into the wall of a shop and falls to the ground, rubble falling around him, and he doesn't get up. The akuma stalks forward, frying pan dragging on the ground behind them, and Nino can see Chat Noir struggling to pull himself to his feet, and he knows he's too far away to do anything but maybe if he throws his shield in time—
And then a blur of red swoops in from the rooftops, yanking Chat Noir up and away from the battle.
Nino breathes a sigh of relief, because thank god Ladybug’s here and they can actually figure out a plan to defeat this akuma. He glances around quickly to make sure there aren't any more civilians in this area, and starts heading to where Ladybug and Chat Noir went, figuring he should update Ladybug about the akuma situation, and also about Chat Noir being sick.
Nino climbs up to the rooftop after them, because someone's gotta watch out for the guy before he hacks up a lung, and pokes his head over the rooftop edge just in time to hear Chat Noir mumble something to Ladybug.
“You're gonna what?”
In response, Chat Noir staggers away from her, hunches over with his hands on his knees and— oh, thank god he’s just dry heaving.
Ladybug stares at Chat Noir, the confusion on her face morphing into concern. “Are you okay?”
“He's sick,” Nino says helpfully, hauling himself over the edge of the roof. There's a joke somewhere about cats hacking up hairballs, but Nino's brain is too scrambled (that's his second pun of the day!) to make it.
“You're sick?” Ladybug says accusingly. She turns to point at Chat Noir, jabbing a finger into his arm. “You're sick!”
Chat Noir, still hunched over, gives the most unconvincing smile Nino has ever seen. “No?”
Ladybug throws her hands in the air. “You're sick!” She shouts, as if saying it enough times will make it untrue.
“Nuh uh,” Chat Noir shakes his head, and then stops to wince.
“Yuh-huh!” Ladybug shouts, grabbing him by the shoulders and shaking him. “What were you thinking? Why are you here? Especially if you’re sick?”
Chat Noir's head lolls back. “I didn't choose to be sick,” he pouts.
She frowns, pausing her shaking to eye him. “Just how sick are you?”
“I had to yank him out of the way of an akuma attack because he couldn't stop coughing,” Nino contributes, and Chat Noir shoots him a betrayed look.
Ladybug shakes him harder. “Chat! Why did you even come out here if you're that sick!” She scolds him. She’s shaking him so hard that Chat Noir’s head is bobbling like, well, a bobblehead.
“Ladybug, maybe you should put him down before he gets a concussion?” Nino says unsurely. Chat Noir really doesn’t look that great.
“Oh, right.” She sets him down, taking a step back. “Sorry, Chat.”
“I’m good,” Chat says, and then his knees start wobbling. Nino moves forward, but Ladybug's already a step ahead of him, catching Chat Nor as he falls into her arms.
“You are not good!” She says indignantly. “Oh my god! Chat Noir!”
Nino hasn’t seen Chat Noir so miserable since he got sprayed by that fire hydrant sentimonster. “Sorry,”
She sighs. “It's fine. Totally fine! I can work with this. That's what the other heroes are here for.”
Chat Noir droops in her arms, belt tail dragging on the ground behind him. “Oh.”
Ladybug sighs again, fidgeting like she wants to start pacing, except she can't because she's busy keeping Chat Noir upright. “Okay. Okay.” She mutters to herself. “New plan! Chat,” She declares. “You're benched.”
“What!” He yelps, voice cracking before immediately doubling over into a coughing fit. “I can still fight!”
“No you can't,” Ladybug says in a no-nonsense tone. “You’re sick, and you can barely stand. I need you out of the way, and not collapsing in front of the akuma and getting hurt.”
“But…” Chat Noir protests weakly, eyes glancing to Nino for help.
“Sorry dude, but I gotta agree with Ladybug,” Nino says, shrugging. “You’re not doing so hot right now. It's probably best if you sit this one out.”
Chat Noir’s face crumples like wet tissue paper. “Okay.” He says, voice tiny. Damn. Poor dude seems really upset to miss out on a fight. He’s really dedicated to the hero thing, isn’t he?
She turns to Nino. “Do you think you could watch Chat for a bit? You and, uh—” Her face freezes, panic flashing behind her eyes. “Just you! No one else!”
Oh, she's probably talking about Rena, although Nino doesn't know why she doesn't just say that. Is she worried Shadow Moth will somehow hear? He just nods, which seems to ease her stress a bit.
“I'm right here, you know,” Chat Noir grumbles. Ladybug ignores his complaints, moving him so now Nino has an armful of Chat Noir.
He must really be out of it, because he just sags against Nino instead of trying to stand back up. Nino awkwardly pats him on the arm as Ladybug walks a bit further away, muttering to herself and pacing. Based on the way she keeps glancing towards the rooftop next to them, he's pretty sure she's talking to Rena.
After a minute or two of talking, she nods her head and walks back over to them. Ladybug places her hands on her hips, giving Chat Noir a stern look. “Okay, I'm going to head back to the akuma. Chat, stay here—”
“—with Alya and Nino, I got it.” He mumbles.
Everyone freezes, including Chat Noir. It's dead silent, besides the faint sound of explosions in the background.
Ladybug is the one to break it, with the most nervous laugh Nino has ever heard. And he's friends with Marinette. “Sorry, what?”
Chat Noir is suddenly very interested in the roof tiles below their feet. “Um.”
Ladybug laughs again, high-pitched and desperate. “Alya and Nino, who's Alya and Nino—” She's making frantic hand gestures as she speaks, like she can grab the words and shove them back into Chat Noir's mouth if she tries hard enough.
Chat Noir looks weirdly guilty. “I might. I might know both of their identities.” Which, what? How? Did Ladybug tell him? Except, why would Ladybug be mad that Chat Noir knew if she told him?
Ladybug freezes mid-gesture. “Wha—how do you—? Wait.” She does that painfully nervous laugh again. “Rena isn't even here!” She says a bit too loudly. “She's not—she isn't active anymore! Remember? Sentibubbler?”
Nino frowns. Why is Ladybug trying to lie to Chat Noir? He knows Alya’s undercover identity is supposed to be a secret, but does that include being a secret from Chat Noir?
Chat Noir pulls a disgruntled face. “Blue Rena, then. I know she's around.” He gestures towards a chimney a few roofs over, one that Nino is somewhat confident his girlfriend is hiding behind.
“It's Rena Furtive, actually,” Nino corrects, and then immediately regrets saying anything when Ladybug turns to stare at him.
“What.”
Nino's never really related to the animal part of his miraculous, but right now he wants nothing more than to retreat into his nonexistent shell and escape Ladybug's wrath.
“Um,” Nino says, wishing he could also grab his words out of the air and shove them back down his throat.
Ladybug's face is drawn out and pale. “She. She told you?”
“Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh.”
Mercifully, his girlfriend decides to hop a few rooftops over and become an active participant in this trainwreck of a conversation. Now Ladybug can death glare at someone else that isn’t Nino! He shifts Chat Noir in his arms so he's sort of hiding behind the feline hero. Dude seems happy enough to jump in front of akuma attacks, maybe he can shield Nino from the full brunt of Ladybug’s fury.
“Hey babe!” Nino says, voice a bit too relieved. Chat Noir waves at her, and Rena Furtive waves back, an awkward grin fixed on her face.
“Hi guys,” Rena says awkwardly. Her shoulders are slowly hunching up under the force of Ladybug's glare.
“Your suit looks nice. Pretty patterns.” Chat Noir says, face smushed against Nino’s shoulder.
Rena sighs. “Thanks, Chat.”
Ladybug crosses her arms, raising an eyebrow. “Rena.”
Rena manages to hold her ground for all of two seconds, before immediately cracking. (Like an egg. Man, Nino is on fire today!) “Look, I tried, okay, but it's Nino! I couldn't keep it a secret, not from him. I mean, you remember Rocketear, right?” Everyone winces at the memory of Rocketear. God, what a complete clusterfuck. Nino regrets that so, so much, but now is not the time to be getting into that.
Ladybug exhales, her hands clenching and unclenching. “I told you not to tell him. I trusted you! How could you—augh!” She starts pacing, tugging anxiously on her pigtails.
Rena hugs her flute to her chest. “I’m sorry for going behind your back. I just… I couldn’t lie to him, you know? Not again.”
Ladybug stops, turning around to face Rena. Oh god, are those tears? Nino feels like he’s intruding on something personal, but he can’t really leave, not with an armful of Chat Noir. “I get it. I mean,” she snorts, gesturing to Rena.
Rena clutches her necklace, eyes darting to the ground. Well, roof, because that’s what they’re standing on. “Maybe trusting me with a miraculous was a mistake.”
Ladybug’s eyes widen in horror, and she rushes over to Rena's side. “No! You’re— you’ve been great! I’d be a mess without you.” She places her hands on Rena’s shoulders, and Nino vaguely wonders if he should be worried about Alya cheating on him with Ladybug, not Chat Noir.
Rena’s eyes grow wide. “I—”
Whatever Rena’s about to say next is interrupted by the appearance of a glowing white portal. All of them step back, just in time for Vesperia and Pegasus to fall through, landing in an awkward pile of limbs.
“Uh, hey Pegasus,” Nino reaches up and pats the top of his hood. Pegasus reaches up to his hair and mimics him, patting out the flame on the end of one of his locs.
Nino glances over at where Rena was standing, but she's managed to slide behind a conveniently placed chimney during the few seconds where everyone was distracted, leaving Ladybug, Nino, and a semi-lucid Chat Noir to deal with this. Awesome.
“What are you guys doing here?” Ladybug asks, mostly managing to tamp down the frustration in her voice.
Pegasus stands up, adjusting his glasses. “We have good news and bad news about the akuma.”
“Right. The akuma.” Ladybug says distantly, because all three (four if you count Chat Noir's occasional comments) of them had forgotten that oh yeah, there's an active akuma battle right down the street. Nino can still hear the occasional explosion.
“Yes. That.” Pegasus isn't fazed at all by Ladybug's lackluster reaction. “The good news is that we're relatively certain that the akuma is in the frying pan. The bad news is—”
“We can't break it,” Vesperia says. “We tried. Well, I tried. I snagged his frying pan and smashed it into a brick wall, and it just. Didn't break?” She sighs. “It didn't even dent…”
“Also, both of us have used our abilities and will transform back soon,” Pegasus adds. On cue, both of their miraculous beep in sync.
“The akuma. It's in the frying pan.” Ladybug says flatly.
“The unbreakable frying pan,” Pegasus adds unnecessarily. Vesperia not so subtly glances towards Chat Noir, who’s made himself comfortable slouched against Nino. Chat Noir doesn’t seem like he’s going to let go anytime soon, based on the way he’s half-hugging Nino. Should Nino still be hanging onto Chat Noir? Or should he find a bench to plop him down on?
Ladybug stares vacantly at Pegasus. And keeps staring. “It's in the FUCKING FRYING PAN?”
Everyone takes a back step, alarmed. Nino has never, ever heard Ladybug swear. Ever.
“Um,” Pegasus says, the only one brave enough to speak up. “Yes?”
Ladybug yanks on her pigtails, staring up at the sky, and screams. “AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!” Everyone patiently waits for Ladybug to finish losing her mind. “FUCK!” She screams to no one. She sighs, burying her face in her hands. “This is fine. This is fine!” She says hysterically.
“Is it?” Chat Noir mumbles into Nino's shoulder.
“Okay,” Ladybug says to herself. She lowers her hands from her face and flattens them as she exhales. “Okay. I've got a plan.” She nods to herself. “Okay.” She lets out a half-sigh, half-nervous laugh. Then suddenly she’s back to normal, leader Ladybug, full of confidence and a (mostly) no-nonsense attitude.
“First off,” She says, spinning to point at Carapace and Chat Noir. “You guys are staying here. I need someone to keep an eye on Chat Noir and make sure he doesn't hurt himself.”
“I’m not that helpless.” Chat Noir grumbles.
“Yes you are,” Ladybug, Nino, and Rena all say in unison. Thankfully, Rena’s voice is drowned out by both of theirs. Still, Nino's pretty sure Ladybug heard her, because she glares at the chimney Rena’s hiding behind.
“Everyone on this side of the roof is staying here,” Ladybug says through gritted teeth, gesturing to Chat Noir, Nino, and Alya's chimney. “Okay?” She turns to stare directly into Nino's soul. “Do not let Chat Noir do anything stupid while I’m gone. Or else—”
“You'll kill me?”
Ladybug falters at that. “I—no. What? I'm not—” She sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Just. Please?” She sounds like she's about to cry, and now Nino feels guilty for stressing her out even more. Oops.
“Will do, miss Ladydude.” He gives her a sloppy salute, and the corners of her mouth twitch up for a brief second.
She turns back to Pegasus and Vesperia. “You two, with me. We'll grab some food so you can feed your kwamis, and then we'll figure out a plan to take down the akuma.”
Vesperia frowns, eyes flicking over to Chat Noir and Nino. “What about the frying pan? We need Cataclysm to break it.”
Ladybug nods, eyes distant as she taps her chin. “We do. Which is why I'll bring the frying pan back here for Chat to destroy.”
Chat Noir lifts his head up. “You need me?”
Her gaze softens as she turns back to face Chat Noir. “Yep. You're a critical part of Operation defeat-this-akuma-so-you-can-go-home-and-nap!” She pauses. “Are you, uh,” she gestures towards him, looking suddenly uncertain.
“Lucid? Yeah, I can destroy a frying pan. I'm not that sick.”
Ladybug raises an eyebrow. “You collapsed into my arms five minutes ago.”
Chat Noir rolls his eyes, but doesn't have anything to say to that.
“Everyone know what's going on? Yes?” She waits for everyone to nod before clapping her hands. “Great! Let's go. And you better not do anything stupid while I'm gone!” She calls the last part out to Chat Noir as she yoyos away, Pegasus and Vesperia trailing behind her.
And now it's just Nino, Chat Noir, and Alya, who emerges from behind the chimney.
“You wanna sit down?” Nino asks when it's clear no one is moving to break the silence. “Let's go sit. My legs are tired.” Nino's legs aren't even a little bit tired, due to the whole enhanced abilities that come part and parcel with his superpowers, but he figures Chat Noir needs to sit down. The guy does not look good. And if he looks this shit with the supersuit, he must be really sick.
For some reason, Chat Noir doesn't continue to lean on Nino when he moves away, and instead just. Stands there. Nino warily eyes Chat Noir as he sways in place.
“You good dude?” Nino asks, not quite ready to sit down in case Chat Noir collapses (again).
“So good,” he says unconvincingly. He takes a step forward, and then another step. Rena moves closer to him, arms hovering and ready for the worst. Chat Noir huffs at that, and then takes several quick steps and reaches the chimney, immediately leaning against it. “See? I'm fine,” he says. Unfortunately for Chat Noir, it is very obvious how shaky his legs are, and how much he’s relying on the chimney to keep him standing.
Rena claps. “Good job. You walked a few paces.” She says dryly. “Now why don’t you sit down before you hurt yourself?”
She gives Nino a Look, and he figures she wants him to also sit down so Chat Noir joins him. He slides down, back against the chimney as he crosses his legs, and gives Chat Noir his best ‘you can totally trust me I'm here to help’ grin.
Chat Noir collapses next to Nino into a pile of limbs that vaguely resembles a sitting position. His thigh is touching Nino’s, legs sprawled out in a half slouch, half sitting position, and his cheek is squished against Nino’s bicep.
Nino raises an eyebrow. “Dude. You’re so out of it, damn. When A-uh, my girlfri—” Wait. Chat Noir knows both of their identities. “When Alya was sick, she wasn’t this bad,” he finishes awkwardly.
Rena settles down on Nino’s other side, laying her head on his shoulder. “Eh, I was some of the time. I kinda switched between being super out of it and then just feeling normal, but with sucky cold symptoms.” She reaches out to squeeze Nino’s hand, and he squeezes back.
Chat Noir snorts. “You know what’s funny? Two hours ago, I was feeling perfectly fine. Na— Uh. My, uh.” He frowns, brows scrunching up. “A person in my family,” he says slowly, with a lot of emphasis. “Said I looked like I was all recovered. Besides the congestion.” He sniffles. “Ugh. I hate being sick.”
Rena reaches around Nino to pat Chat Noir on the head, and he scowls. “Poor baby.”
“I didn’t think I was gonna, uh,” Chat Noir gestures vaguely at himself. “Do this! I thought I was fine!” He whines.
“Well, now you know for next time you get sick.” Nino consoles him. Chat Noir lets out a wordless grumble in response.
There's silence for a few brief moments before his girlfriend decides to stir up shit again. “So,” Rena says in that too casual tone that means she’s about to dig up your deepest darkest secrets, “How did you find out our identities, anyways?”
Chat Noir stiffens at that, clearly recognizing the danger he's in. “Um.”
“It's just funny,” Rena continues, like she isn’t trying to pick a fight. “Because I know Ladybug didn't tell you—”
“Um,” Nino says, desperate to derail this conversation because he's suddenly remembering who else knows Nino and Alya's identities, and does not want to figure out if there's a relation.That would just be Nino's luck, that telling Adrien their identities somehow got back to Chat Noir. “Actually, why doesn't Ladybug want you to know our identities?”
Both Rena and Chat Noir turn to stare at him like he's an idiot, which, c’mon, it's not that stupid of a question.
“I mean, like,” Nino stammers, instantly regretting ever opening his mouth. “Um. You're Ladybug’s partner, right? So shouldn't she. Uh.” He's sweating under their combined gaze. “Y'know. Tell you stuff?” It’s not unreasonable to assume that, right? They're both permanent heroes and have been doing this for the same amount of time, so doesn't Chat Noir get seniority privileges or something?
“That's a great question, Carapace,” Chat says, voice brittle. “Why are you two allowed to know each other's identities, while I'm not allowed to know anyone's?” Yeah. Nino regrets bringing this up at all, yikes. “What do you think, Rena?” He turns to stare directly at her. “After all, Ladybug trusts you a lot more than she trusts me.”
Rena squirms, looking more uncomfortable by the second. “I mean. I wouldn't really say that?” Her voice pitches upwards.
Chat Noir coughs something that sounds a lot like ‘Scarabella’. Rena's shoulders hunch up as she looks down at her shoes.
“I guess it's just weird,” Nino continues, because now he's actually kind of interested in this disastrous train of thought. “I mean, Hawkmoth knows all of our identities anyways, so I don't know why she wouldn't tell you ours.”
“WHAT?!” Chat Noir chokes out, and then immediately doubles over and starts coughing again.
Nino thumps him on the back, while Rena watches them with wide eyes. Eventually, Chat Noir manages to stop coughing long enough to wheeze out “Hawkmoth knows?”
Nino stares down at Chat Noir. “Yeah? Y’know, Miracle Queen?” He says, voice cracking on queen because his body hates him.
Rena leans across Nino’s chest to look at Chat Noir, who's thankfully stopped coughing by now. “Did she not tell you that?” She asks disbelievingly.
Chat Noir looks absolutely gobsmacked. “What, that Hawkmoth knows the hero’s identities, but I don’t? No!” He lets out another cough for good measure, slotting himself under Nino's arm and lying against his chest. “What the hell?”
Alya buries her face in her hands. “Oh my god, that girl…” She mutters to herself.
“Damn.” Nino says lamely. “That sucks, bro.”
Chat Noir smacks his head against Nino’s arm. “Thank you Nino.”
Alya is still muttering to herself, and Nino decides to change the conversation topic before he can make things any worse. “So!” He says loudly. “Uh, How’s your week been?” Surely he can’t make this conversation even worse by asking that, can he? Please, please don’t let Chat Noir say something horrible.
“Um,” Chat Noir snorts. “Well. I had a history test on Monday. And then I got sick.” He pauses. “Yeah.” Funny, Nino also had a history test on Monday. Maybe all the history teachers in Paris are scheming to ruin every student’s Monday.
“Wow,” Nino says lamely. “That’s. Interesting. Um, Me and Alya went on a date the other day. Wanna hear about it?” How is Nino fucking this up so badly. Someone save him. Please.
Chat Noir sighs. “Sure. Why not? Go ahead.”
Nino proceeds to spend the next several minutes awkwardly rambling about him and Alya’s date to a roller skating rink, how it didn't go as smoothly as he had hoped because neither of them had ever been roller skating before, and how they went and got dinner after they fell one too many times. Alya interjects with occasional commentary, usually with the goal of embarrassing Nino. Chat Noir seems like he's paying attention at first, quietly laughing along, but as Nino talks he responds less and less. Once Nino finishes telling his story, the three of them just sit there in silence. Well, two of them, because he’s pretty sure Chat Noir has just conked out against Nino’s side. Which honestly works out, because Nino has no idea what to say to the guy, and also he definitely needs the rest.
Eventually, the sound of distant explosions dies down, and it's blissfully silent. Nino straightens, keeping an eye on the rooftops around him for Ladybug and co.
A few minutes pass and the other heroes bound onto the rooftop, all a little worse for wear. One of Ladybug's ribbons is singed, and Vesperia is limping. In one hand, Ladybug holds a red and black spotted body pillow, and in the other is the infamous frying pan.
Ladybug flips the handle idly as she approaches the three (well, back to two. Rena immediately darted behind the chimney as soon as the heroes got close) of them sitting on the roof. “Vesperia wasn't lying,” she says casually. “This thing really is indestructible.”
Chat Noir perks up at the sound of Ladybug's voice, and tries to switch from his ungainly sprawl to something a little more dignified. Key word being tries, and Nino has to stifle a laugh as he watches Chat Noir ungracefully sit up.
Ladybug crouches down, holding out the pan. “Care to do the honors, Chaton?”
Chat Noir grins, claws flexing. “Gladly, milady. Cataclysm!” He shouts, voice still a bit raspy, and Nino watches as a bubbling black void forms in the palm of Chat Noir's hand. Nino’s never seen a Cataclysm this close before, and he watches as Chat Noir’s hand visibly shakes as it approaches the frying pan. Everyone sighs in relief when he taps the side of it, the frying pan successfully turning to ash.
The akuma butterfly spirals up into the air, but Ladybug quickly snaps it up with her yoyo. She hurls the lucky charm in the air, shouting “Miraculous Ladybug!” and then a horde of ladybugs go flying somewhere off to Nino's left. The ladybugs also swirl over the heroes, cleaning up their suits and healing any injuries. Chat Noir pouts as the magic ladybugs fade away. “I'm still sick.”
“You were sick because you're sick, not because of the akuma. Of course Miraculous Ladybug didn't do anything,” She says flatly. Ladybug does seem genuinely upset by that fact. “Sorry Chaton.”
“I know,” he grumbles. “I was just hoping maybe it would do something. Just this once.”
Ladybug bites her lip, eyes flitting between the two temporary heroes and Chat Noir (and also Nino, who's sitting right next to Chat Noir and is included by proxy). “Do you think you'll be able to make it home okay?”
“Totally,” Chat Noir says, while Nino frantically shakes his head, hand making a cutting motion across his throat. Images flash through his mind's eye of a sick Chat Noir attempting to pole vault home, falling several stories straight into a dumpster, and giving himself a concussion in the process.
Ladybug eyes Chat Noir, and then Nino, and then Chat Noir again. “Hm.” She taps her chin. “Chat Noir, could I drop you off somewhere so you could call a friend to pick you up and take you home?”
Chat Noir pulls a face. “Uh, not really. I don't have my phone. Plus, uh, I snuck out, so…”
Ladybug grimaces. “Ugh, right. Your dad.” And now Nino is curious because it sounds like there's some history with that. Her eyebrows scrunch up as she mutters something to herself. “Carapace,” Ladybug says, and Nino starts at the sound of his hero name. “I hate to ask, but…” She steeples her fingers, taking a deep breath. “Do you think you'd be able to take Chat Noir to your place? Only for a little bit,” she hastily adds, “And it doesn't need to necessarily be your house. Just, uh, somewhere that isn't here? I only suggested your place because of, well, identity stuff, and—” Several miraculous beep out of sync, and she winces. “We’re on a bit of a time limit, and I need to get Pegasus and Vesperia’s—”
Nino raises a hand. “Woah dude, it's chill. I'll take Chat Noir back to crash at my place. My family's not home, so we'll be fine.” They shouldn't be, unless Chris's trombone recital was delayed by the akuma attack. Chat Noir looks weirdly excited by this, his belt tail curling around Nino’s leg. Which, he knows it’s magic, but how the hell does it do that?
Ladybug nods frantically. “Great! Thank you so much, I'll meet you there. See you in a few! Vesperia, Pegasus, with me.” The three of them run off, bounding across rooftops as Nino stands there, watching them leave.
“Cool,” Nino says to nobody, because it's just now sinking in that he just invited Chat Noir over to his apartment. Technically, Ladybug invited Chat Noir to Nino's apartment, which isn't much better.
“We better hurry, y'know.” Rena's moved out from behind the chimney to stand in front of him, snapping her fingers in front of Nino's face. “Chat, how much time you got left?”
“Uhhhhhh.” Chat Noir frowns. “Like, 3 minutes?”
Rena purses her lips. “Yeah, we can make that. C'mon hot stuff, help me out.” She lifts Chat Noir off the ground like a gangly sack of potatoes, slinging one of his arms around her shoulders. Nino hurries over to help her.
“I can walk,” Chat Noir grumbles, but makes no move to escape their hold. With Chat Noir somewhat securely held between the two of them, they set off across the rooftops for Nino’s apartment.