Chapter Text
Logan sat at a table with two of his friends from high school. They were a few drinks in, catching up. It had been several years since Logan had been back in Seymour's bay. After years of med school and residency training, he was more than happy to find a position open at the local primary care center.
As the night went on, and the drinks kept coming, Troy started acting the fool.
"Come on," said a drunk Troy. "We should get some girls over here!"
Scotty rolled his eyes. "If you want to find a hookup, just use Sinder."
"Oh come on! We don't all have a ball and chain dragging us down like you, right Logan?" Troy nudged Logan with his elbow. "Besides! This guy’s gotta celebrate being back home finally! How about it? Competition to see who can find someone to take home first?"
"That hardly seems fair for you," said Logan dryly. The idea was pretty dumb, and Scotty kept going on about how it's degrading or whatever. That being said, there was a pretty girl sitting at the bar who had caught his eye. "How much are you willing to bet?" He asked smugly.
"Oh come on guys!" Scotty was getting annoyed.
"Hey! No one said you had to participate, but you can tell us who walks out with the lady of his choice first."
"This is stupid, but fine whatever. I'll just be here. Waiting for one of you to get laid."
They both gave him their bet money. Now it was show time.
He headed toward the girl at the bar. She was just his type. Quiet, a little closed off, didn’t make things too easy for him. Not to mention she was nice to look at.
She was on her phone, scrolling and nursing a beer.
"Mind if I sit here?"
She didn't even look up. He just got a grunt as if she was saying "do whatever you want."
She was clearly not in the mood to talk.
He decided to keep his distance for now. He ordered a beer, turning his attention to the TV where a game of Soccer was playing.
"What team are you cheering for? My money's on the red, but the green teams got some fight."
At this she rolled her eyes, then glanced over in annoyance. Suddenly she tensed, then she did a double take.
"Logan?!"
A look of confusion crossed his face.
Did he know her? She seemed a little younger, so they probably didn’t go to school together, but there was something strangely familiar about her.
"I'm sorry, do I kno-"
Suddenly, he realized.
"No." He started shaking his head in disbelief. "Louise?"
Fuck. There goes the bet.
Louise, now fuming, got up. "Nope. I have enough going on. I am not putting up with this. Larry! Check please!"
"Yes ma'am", said Larry from behind the bar.
Logan was dumbfounded. He looked back at Scotty who had a look of confusion on his face. Logan walked back up to him.
"You are not going to believe who that was."
***
As it turned out, neither Logan nor Troy won the bet. Whatever Logan dealt with, it was nothing compared to Troy. The poor thing had beer poured over his head and a black eye. He just really did not know how to get back into dating.
That night Logan couldn't stop thinking about her.
He just couldn't wrap his head around how the spunky little girl, who never went anywhere without her signature pink rabbit ears, could have possibly turned into that.
When he got back to his apartment, he tried looking her up on Facebook but no dice.
He had no trouble finding Tina, though he was a little surprised to see she had a new last name and three kids already. Weird.
Louise, though? Nothing. Not in her friends, not anywhere.
Either she didn’t want to be found, or she just wasn’t there at all.
He almost dropped it.
Almost.
Instead he went back through Tina's photos, and there she was.
It was a family picture of them all at the park on the Fourth of July this year. Their parents were there, Gene was there, TIna and her family were there, and sure enough, the girl from the bar was there too.
A wave of guilt washed over him.
He had to talk to her again, but he had no idea how.
***
Logan was the last person Louise had wanted to see.
She had been lurking online scrolling through posts Tina had sent her.
Rudy had a girlfriend and he was posting about it all over social media. Sickly sweet captions, pictures, saying things like "she takes my breath away" and other dumb cheesy totally regular things for him to say.
It was fine.
It's not like she was jealous.
Sure when Rudy left for college they’d made that whole “if we’re not married by thirty” deal, but that was more of a convenience thing. Right?
She couldn't help blaming herself a little. She was terrible at keeping in touch. Texts went unanswered for days, sometimes longer. Of course he’d met someone else.
Meanwhile, her own love life was virtually nonexistent.
Louise wasn’t exactly built for romance.
Even still, she couldn't help feeling somewhere deep down, she might have had feelings for Rudy that she’d been avoiding.
She felt comfortable around him, her family liked him, so why couldn't he just...
Whatever. This was stupid and she couldn't think about that anymore.
More urgently, what the hell was he doing here?
She thought she was finally rid of him when she was 12. Now he was back, so there's that.
Hopefully she wouldn't have to deal with seeing him around. Maybe she could just avoid that bar?
Yea. She was great at avoiding things.
She just had to get out of bed and go down to the restaurant and get through today.
She was sure Rudy's relationship wouldn't last more than a month. Poor thing was terrible with women. He'd cry just like last time, and they could watch whatever dumb chick flicks he likes, and then everything would be right back on track!
Louise finished getting ready and headed downstairs to the restaurant.
As humiliating as it was to be living with her parents still, she didn't need to pay rent. Besides, she was going to run the restaurant one day anyway.
When she got inside, she heard her dad and Zeke doing kitchen prep work. Her mom was riffing off whatever weird thing Zeke was going on about. Today he was telling Linda all about his and Tina's youngest and his struggles with potty training. Apparently he kept crying every time he had to flush Mr. Poopoo down the toilet. A gentle soul, that boy.
"Maybe you should teach him Tina's special song," yelled Louise through the pass as she put on her apron.
"Hey! I like that cool breeze! I'll tell Tina when I get home tonight!"
"Please do," said Louise sardonically. "She'll love it!"
"Awe baby Tina and her little poopies!" Said Linda.
"Okay," said Bob dryly. "I think that's enough with the potty language." Bob did his sad awkward laugh to himself. "Get it? Potty language?"
"No dad. I think you're going to need to explain that to me again, but don't leave out a single detail."
"I thought it was funny Mr. B!" Zeke reassured Bob. "I like your jokes!"
"Well at least someone around here appreciates my good sense of humor, Louise!"
***
The restaurant was more successful than it was for Louise growing up. Not much, but enough to actually start turning a profit.
Louise liked to think it was because of her great ideas.
Between events, seasonal menu ideas, she’d managed to bring new life to the place.
Gene helped out by playing there with his band, The Big Ditty, occasionally.
Tina would use her skills with social media to spread the word online. She was very skilled with technology, and Louise figured that if Tina never found success as an author and became morally devoid, she could always become a mommy blogger.
Unsurprisingly, Tina was avidly against the idea.
Louise was proud of herself. Proud of her siblings. Proud of the restaurant.
At just twenty three, she almost felt like she had everything figured out.
Well aside from the whole Rudy thing.
And also living with her parents.
It also wouldn't hurt if she could stop failing her online business classes and graduate already.
Even with the improvements, Bob’s Burgers still couldn’t compete with the constant lines at Jimmy Pesto’s across the street.
Right on cue, Jimmy Jr. wandered in, probably looking to start something with Zeke.
"Wow, it smells… terrible in here. Is that why you don't have customers? Because your food stinks? Zeke?"
"Oh hey J-Ju! Nah that smells the black garlic for the burger of the day. Welcome To The Black (Garlic) Parade."
"That's- stupid. Stupid- Burger- Idea.” He couldn’t seem to think of anything real to complain about. Zeke was just too easy to get along with sometimes. “So how are things going with the kids?"
"Well Griffins in potty training. That boy does not want to flush. He cries every time."
When Tina was in the restaurant, Jimmy put on more of a show to be petty, but when she wasn't around it usually fizzled out pretty fast just like this.
The lunch rush started shortly after Teddy arrived. As customers began filtering in, Jimmy decided to leave.
"Anyway, my lunch rush should be starting soon too. Talk to you tomorrow Zeke."
Pretty dull today. Louise was hoping for maybe a little more excitement. Something that could distract her, but Jimmy Jr. had failed to deliver today.
As Louise was hoping for something, anything, to happen, she heard the bell.
"Hi, I'll be with you in just a-" she drops the customer service voice as soon as she sees who walked in. "Oh, it's you."
Linda looked up to see who Louise was so excited to see. "Logan? Is that you? Look at how grown up you are!"
"Hey Linda! Looking as good as ever!"
"Oh you!" Linda swatted the air and laughed. "What are you doing back in town?"
"I just moved back. Big city life just wasn't for me."
"Oh well it's so good to see you! How's your mom?"
At this point, Louise had moved away from the counter and was actively trying to avoid the conversation.
She thought she'd never see his stupid face again, yet there he was at the bar last night, and now here. In the restaurant. Acting like an old family friend.
She kept thinking back to the last time she saw him 11 years ago.
There’d been a lot of yelling.
And then a lot of crying.
He had some nerve acting so casually.
"Yea! I actually saw Louise last night and I could hardly believe it was her!"
Oh great. They were talking about her.
"Oh I know! She's all grown up! Louise!"
Maybe if she ignored her, Linda would give up.
"Louise! Louise! Come say hi to Logan."
Louise rolled her eyes.
"Louise!" Her mom sounded more mad this time. She supposed she could play nice at least for a little bit. She walked over with an annoyed look on her face.
When she arrived, she was quiet and stone faced. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction of being mad.
They kinda just looked at each other for a minute. You could cut the tension with a knife. Louise was doing her best not to glare. Based on the guilt in his eyes, she was failing.
"Well this is fun!" Linda said in an attempt to bring down some of the hostility.
Bob noticed what was going on from the kitchen.
"Uh, Louise, can I have you deliver this order to the back booth?"
With an excuse to leave, Louise took the plate and walked away.
"Damn, I feel cold after that and I'm back here on grill duty in the kitchen," said Zeke. "Whatchou do to invoke the ice queen?"
***
By the time lunch rush died down, he still hadn't left. He was still picking at his fries. In fact he was the only customer left. Even Teddy left before him.
Linda was sweeping up, and Louise was bussing tables. Zeke and Bob were doing prep work in the back.
When she couldn't take it anymore, she dropped the bus tub next to him. Dishes clanged as they settled. Bob looked out the window hoping nothing had broken.
"Can you leave? You've been here for over an hour!"
"I'm sorry, am I not allowed to enjoy my meal?"
"You have, like, two fries left! Just be done already!"
"You know what? I was actually thinking of ordering another plate."
Louise was on the brink of going rabid and attacking him. Bob cut in hoping to settle things down a bit.
"Hey, Louise," said Bob. "Could you maybe come help me with the dishes?"
"Oh, I'd love to, Father, but some dumb butt seems to think FRIES qualify as a FINE DINING EXPERIENCE!" as she said this, she got up in his face glaring daggers.
Logan smirked a little. "Relax, Louise. It's not a race."
"You eat fries like you're afraid of commitment!"
"Louise," begged Bob. "Your mom can take care of Logan when he's done."
Louise angrily grabbed the bin and moved to the kitchen.
On her way out, she shot him one last glare.
He got up with a defeated sigh, thanking Bob and Linda for the food on his way out.
"What was that all about?" Asked Bob. "I thought you two resolved your issues years ago."
Louise tried to avoid thinking back to that time.
Logan was an ass and she wanted nothing to do with him.
Although if he was anything like he used to be, he'd be back soon enough.
***
A few days later, Logan came back.
Then again.
And again.
Before long, he’d turned into a semi-regular annoyance, something Louise absolutely did not sign up for.
Worst of all, he didn’t even order like a normal human being.
He’d order the burger of the day but without the bun. Who does that?
It started to get on Teddy's nerves too.
"One burger of the day, no bun. Thank you."
Louise took his order, since her mom was delivering a burger to Mort next door.
"What’s wrong with the bun?" Asked Teddy. "You come in here and order a burger with no bun? On a bed of lettuce? Who does that?"
"Teddy," said Bob. "Sorry about him Logan."
"No it's fine," said Logan. "I’m just trying to watch my carbs."
Ugh. This again.
“It just doesn’t seem right, you know? Like I don’t know if it’s a gluten allergy thing or whatever, but I- I just don’t like it.”
“He doesn’t have an allergy, Teddy. He just has bad taste.” Louise took the order slip and handed it to Bob through the window. “One sad burger of the day, no bun.”
Logan looked at Louise for a bit, weighing his response.
If Zeke were here, he’d probably be able to diffuse the situation. Unfortunately there was just Bob and Teddy today, and a war had been brewing for weeks.
“You know,” started Logan. “I just think it’s funny that you care so much about this. It’s just bread.”
“Ohoho, just bread. Mr. ‘I’m just trying to watch my carbs’.”
“Sorry for trying to be thoughtful about what I eat. I prefer to focus on protein, and-”
“Mr. Body Builder can’t handle a few carbs! He’s too focused on watching his girlish figure.”
“Oh come on Louise. Grow up already. Aren’t you, like, twenty three?”
So he was going there was he?
“At least I don’t go around acting like a douche, bragging about how healthy and in shape I am all the time. Are you maybe compensating for something?”
It was deathly silent until Teddy began rambling as Louise and Logan were glaring daggers at each other.
"Oh boy. I knew I shouldn't have said anything. Why didn't you stop me Bob?" He "whispered" this very loudly.
"Oh my God," said Bob, waiting for the bomb to finally blow.
Finally Logan broke the silence.
"What is your problem?"
"My problem? Maybe it’s that you’re annoying and invading my space! Why don’t you be a good boy, go back to Boston, and never talk to me again."
"I'm sorry! I shouldn't have said anything! It's all my fault!" Cried Teddy.
Bob made one of his signature whining noises for tense situations.
Suddenly Linda bursts through the front door singing. "I have the money! You have the money! Let's all spend the money! Yeah!"
Linda noticed the dangerous situation looming at the counter. Louise and Logan would not break eye contact. Bob looked through his window with a look of utter desperation.
“Alright, squeezy Louisy! I think it's time for you to go take a break in the kitchen with your father!”
At hearing her mothers nickname for her, Louise blushed. Logan smirked a little. Louise finally broke away to hide her embarrassment, heading back to the kitchen.
“Anyway,” said Linda, relief finally settling back in. “How are we today Logan? Any more fun stories from the gym? Any gals who’ve got your attention?”
“Oh it’s been great at the gym. Let me fill you in on all the gossip.”
A string of muffled screams could be heard from the kitchen.
***
Later that evening, as they were closing up, Louise argued with her parents.
“No Louise,” said Bob. “We aren't going to ban Logan. He tips well and you're the only person who seems to have a problem with him.”
“What about poor Teddy?” Louise asked. “Don't his feelings matter?”
“Teddy has a problem with anyone who starts to eat here semi-regularly. You remember how he was with Mort.”
“How he still is with Mort,” Linda chimed in.
“He just comes in and orders a burger with no bun, like a psychopath!”
“Oh yea!” Linda spoke up once more. “I was talking to him about that the other day! Apparently he does eat carbs, but he just doesn’t like to eat too much bread.”
“Then why does he have to come in all the time?”
“Oh, you’re exaggerating! He comes in maybe three times a week. And honestly, I think he's upset that you've been giving him the cold shoulder. He’s probably just not sure how to talk to you. He probably feels bad that you lost touch. What's with that anyway? I thought you two were fine after the Halloween from Hell. I would have thought you'd be excited to see him again.”
Louise flinched at the mention of Helloween. It had been fourteen years and even the mention of it still made her leg hurt.
“I really don't want to talk about this mom. I just want to see him less. Or better yet, not at all.”
They were unable to come to a consensus. Logan had come into a place that Louise had considered safe, her own Garden of Eden, and he'd turned it into a living Hell.
Things only got worse when Louise checked her phone upstairs.
She had a text from Rudy.
Rudy: Hey Louise :) It's been a minute since we've talked. I don't know if you've heard but I recently got a girlfriend. We were planning on visiting town this week, and I wanted to introduce you to her! She's really great and I think you'd really like her! Anyways, I hope to hear back from you soon :)
Great.
Just what she needed.