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Notebooks and bits of cute stationary were planted messily on Yachi’s floor, no other sounds but scribbles and clicks from animal-styled pens filled the room.
Tadashi broke the quiet, “..sorry I haven’t been in much, Yachi.” He said.
Yachi gave him a comforting smile. “It’s okay, Yamaguchi. That’s why we’re doing this! To catch you up!”
Tadashi responded with a similar grin.
Tadashi had been in and out of school a lot recently, so he’d fallen a little behind. As per Yachi’s generous offer, the two had started extra study sessions together at her house. It was a little strange to be at a girl’s house so often, but Tadashi persevered through needing the extra help.
It was for the both of them, anyway. While Yachi worked on her English, Tadashi focused on his algebra. They sat in each other’s company, helping one another when help was needed.
“Though, Yamaguchi..” Yachi started, “why do you keep missing school?”
Tadashi twitched, and an awkward silence creeped through the room. Should he tell her? He wants to. It feels like the right thing to do. She’s one of Tadashi’s closest friends, after all. It’s only right she knows.
Nervously, Tadashi scrambled with his hands until they were clenched together. “Well, I.. I’ve been having some issues with eating, recently. Some days are worse than others, so I sort of have to skip school.”
Yachi hummed, listening intently. “What kind of eating issues? Not eating enough?” She pressed.
“Ah.. yeah.” Tadashi nodded.
“I see..” Yachi mumbled whilst she bit down on the plastic pig ears of her pen lid, chewing mindlessly. The sound scratched at Tadashi’s comfort.
Not quite the response he had expected, but Tadashi could appreciate a lack of reaction when there was one. He carried on with his worksheet.
Time seemed to drag as he belatedly finished his final problem—luckily, he could tell Yachi was coming to a close with her work too.
Hitoka raised her head, grabbing Tadashi’s attention. “Yamaguchi, do you mind quizzing me with these flashcards? After that I think I’ll be all done!”
“Yeah, no worries.” Tadashi responded kindly.
She passed a small pile of decorated cards to the latter. Tadashi shuffled them, picked a card and recited the question, “okay. The water was like a ribbon; is this a metaphor or a simile?”
“Ahh.. hmm..” Yachi pinched her chin. “A simile!” she decided.
“Correct!” Tadashi flipped the card so Yachi could read it for herself. She whooped and ushered Tadashi to continue.
“Next one. I have to ask you something in English and you respond the same, okay?”
“Got it.”
Tadashi nodded, “what is your favourite subject?”
Yachi crossed her arms. “Oh, man! This one always gets me. Uhh.. my fav.. my favourite subject?”
“Yep.”
“Aha! My favourite subject is geography,” she answered in broken, but still eligible English.
The two high-fived, Tadashi gave the cards back, and begun packing his things away into his backpack.
That was until he heard an awful, crinkly sound coming from behind him. His head whipped around without a second thought.
Yachi was still sitting across from him, but closer - and with a brightly coloured bar grasped in her hand. The vibrancy melted against her maximalist room.
She smiled. It didn’t give Tadashi a trace of comfort this time. “Yamaguchi! We did so well today, wanna share this with me?” she asked, like it was the most casual thing in the world.
Oh, he wants to.
What he wouldn’t do to grab that plastic wrapper, rip whatever snack was in it without reading the information on the back, and swallow it whole. Not that he can. Not that he ever can. Does she not see him right in front of her? His disgusting face, his grotesque body—the answers he got wrong on his test sheets? Does she not see how imperfect he is? How could he eat such a nice thing? Doesn’t she see he obviously doesn’t deserve it?
And he won’t deserve it. Not until he’s beautiful, not until he’s a genius. Not until he’s completely unblemished.
Tadashi’s eyes had widened, his pupils were shaking and staring directly at Yachi’s hands. Counting every wrinkle and crease that surrounded the bar, noticing the red dent on her middle finger from excessive writing.
Faintly, Tadashi heard Yachi repeat something.
He breathed, deep and slow. “…What?”
“I said, do you want some? It’s really good, they just added brownie bits to it.” Yachi emphasised.
Unaffected, she reached her hand out closer to present the messy bundle of sugar and calories to Tadashi.
He almost wretched.
“No, I— can you move your hand?”
Before Yachi could lift a finger, Tadashi was up. Bag packed and heavy on his back.
Yachi’s face quickly scrunched, “Tadashi?” She blinked, confused.
Tadashi had grown a sweat. His hair stuck to his face and his clothes felt far too tight. “Something came up. I have to go. Right now. Sorry.”
“Okay, well see yo—!”
He had already rushed out the room.
He stumbled down the stairs, tripping on the last step and rushing through the door he felt too big for. Tadashi’s breathing was erratic now. Why would she offer him chocolate? He told her, didn’t he? He doesn’t care what her intentions were, it’s too late now. Tadashi could now hear the greedy grumbles of his previously quiet stomach, he had done so well that day—what if he ruined it?
Hurriedly, Yamaguchi pulled out his phone and dialled the only person he knew would listen.
A voice quickly returned his call, “Tadashi? I thought you were staying at Yachi’s for dinner?”
Tears blocked Tadashi’s throat. He coughed, and his voice wobbled like sweet jelly as he spoke. “Tsukki- Yachi—she… she showed me a stupid chocolate bar and I-I.. I couldn’t even look at it-“
“Okay, okay- calm down,” Kei cut off. His honeyed voice melted in Tadashi’s ears and appeased him like no smile ever could.
“S.. Sorry.” Tadashi sniffled as he wiped the snot from his nose with an oversized sleeve. “..Can I come to your house, please?”
He heard an empty sigh on the other line, “yeah. Yeah, of course you can.”
Tadashi was there in a matter of minutes. He stood, seemingly frozen before Kei’s front door. He couldn’t even imagine how awful he must’ve looked. His eyes still watering, puffy and red—his hair, disgustingly disheveled. Eventually, he knocked.
The door was opened almost as soon as his hand hit the door.
“Tadashi…” Kei muttered, voice hoarse.
And then, Tadashi blinked—and Kei was hugging him.
It was nice. Tadashi’s breathing soon slowed, while his sobbing eased until it was only a couple of muted whimpers. They remained connected for a while. Kei’s hand cupped the back of Tadashi’s head, and soothing strokes and pats engulfed his best friend.
Tadashi was conscious of every part of his body as Kei embraced him. His wrists that had grown weak, his legs that kept him stood—frail and breakable. His collarbone that wasn’t visible enough, his head that spun from standing too long.
He was a piece of cake. Not one to be eaten, but one that people brushed past, ignored. Too afraid of ruining the icing. No matter how beautiful he tries to be, nobody wants Tadashi. Nobody - apart from Tsukishima.
Kei was the first to shuffle away. His arms slipped from Tadashi's waist and Tadashi chased after them on default. “It’s cold. Come inside.” He spoke.
Tadashi followed Kei inside, greeted his parents and found himself sat on his bed. He grimaced as he felt the bed squeak beneath his awful weight. Kei sat beside him.
He wiped a stray tear from Tadashi’s cheek, “tell me what happened,” he voiced softly.
Tadashi could feel his stomach twist again as he relived the situation that happened just moments ago. Like he’d eaten something rotten, or not eaten at all.
He avoided Kei’s piercing eyes, “it wasn’t.. I don’t know why it affected me so much today.” Tadashi took a breath, “Yachi just- offered me a chocolate once we’d finished studying, it’s stupid.” Tadashi shook his head while he spoke.
“Hey.”
Yamaguchi’s eyes swished to Kei’s again.
“It’s not stupid, okay?”
“Okay.”
Kei held Tadashi’s hands in his, linking their fingers. Kneading his best friend’s skin like fresh dough, he asked: “how do you feel now?”
Tadashi didn’t really know. “Better than before,” he responded.
“Not completely better, though?”
“No.”
Kei nodded silently, allowing Tadashi to sit with his thoughts. Then, he patted his lap, giving Tadashi enough of a hint to lay his head down on him.
He ran his fingers through Tadashi’s knotted hair, unfurling and freeing his thoughts.
“I should really text Yachi.”
Kei hummed, “later.”