Work Text:
It was a colder spring evening ,typical for up North.
The rain poured down harshly against her window as she laid silently on her bed on her back.
Though the rain was no bother to her, she usually loved the rain. It drowned everything else out for her.
She could sit for hours in her dark room, listening to the patter of rain in silence. At least she used to.
Now she laid idly in bed. One arm over her chest.
She fidgeted with her bony fingers for a few moments, curling them over and into eachother. Hearing the sound of a distant train, more rain, feeling the rise and fall of her chest, the tick of her clock.
It usually felt quieter than this. She thought.
“What time is it..?” she muttered.
She rolled over to reach for her phone, the bright blue hue light blinding her for a few seconds. As she blankly stared at her screen.
It read 11:00 pm. The only notification was from her screen time app, pitifully so.
She set the phone back onto her nightstand and laid back down. Her mouth felt dry from being not in use for so long.
Cabin fever was getting to her already.
She stuck out her arm, looking at it under the pale moonlight. She was developing ugly bed sores that were spread across the back of her arm.
She frowned and dropped her limb back to her side.
She looked back up at her popcorn textured ceiling. She wondered. Why did she stay rotting here?
She hated it. She hated herself for it even more she truly did. But She was doing this to herself wasn’t she? so why did she have the audacity to whine about her sorrows?
The thoughts kept adding on one after another , making her eyes prick with tears.
“i’m just wasting time..” she put her hand tightly over her eyes and dragged it down her face.
She removed her hand. She was just overwhelming herself again. As always
Then three sharp taps on the door jolted her out her self pity session.
She immediately sat up. Clearing her throat whilst wiping away any tears that had began to form.
“uh.. uh, come in.!” she blurted.
The door creaked open.
Unfortunately It was no other than her mums boyfriend.
he was an elder man, with reddish tinted skin and his straggly beard which he constantly stroked. And constantly stunk of cigarettes and crude oil.
He turned the overhead light on rather abruptly.
“Moxie. What are you still sittin around ‘fo? your mama told you to be up and ready for tomorrow , ain’t she?”. He asked, crossing his arms. His southern drawl was nearly incomprehensible.
“uhm..” she tensed, looking downwards. “i wasn’t aware we were going anywhere tomorrow.”
“Oh. Well.. you’re comin down to ‘wit us. your mother and i.” He said, in his typical mildly irritated tone.
‘Of course they didn’t bother to tell her until last minute.’ She thought.
he always spoke like that to her, like she was such an inconvenience. It irked her.
She wanted to say some sort of rebuttal, defend herself for once. Not be so meek.
But instead any assertive words fell silent on her tongue.
“okay. I’ll pack.” She simply replied with a small nod. Her heart beating rapidly.
The man didn’t reply before giving a judgmental glance around her room and curling his lip into a disgusted grimace.
She attempted to cover some dirty plates (that were god knows how old) sitting on her bare mattress with her leg.
He looked more disappointed than usual.
“And clean the damn place up, i was livin’ better than this bull on the streets.” he sneered.
With that he then walked away slamming the door behind him.
she let out a shaky breath of relief he had finally left.
She hated that man.
But what she also hated was car rides.
especially on long trips cramped in a car where she couldn’t return to the sanctuary of her room. With no where to hide if conflict came, but now she didn’t have much of a choice.
She stood up from her bed, stretching her limbs.
She felt a bit sore, since she had barely got up from her bed at all since a few days ago.
Though she ignored the pain and crouched down to grab her duffel bag from under her bed; A simple black duffel that felt like the same quality as active wear. She’d received it a few christmases ago.
She chose a few shirts and bottoms ,and began to stuff them into her bag before pausing.
“He didn’t even bother to tell me how long we are staying? What an ass..” she mumbled, basically inaudible.
She figured 5 pairs of each garment would be good enough, and zipped it up, plopping it onto the edge of her bed and staring at it for a moment.
“Why can’t i say stuff like that to his face.. or anyone’s.” She said dejectedly.
She always clammed up at anytime someone got authoritative with her. It was pathetic, she felt pathetic.
Moxie then crawled back into bed, tugging her thin patchwork blanket up to her chest.
‘Maybe tomorrow will be better. ‘ She tried to convince herself. She won’t be as miserable in a new environment. Right?’
The next morning she awoke to the sound of everyone else getting ready. She still had dark circles under her eyes.
Moxie sat up, glancing outside it was 7 am or so. Still a bit dark out.
She stood up and turned her bedside lamp on, yellow light filled the room. Now she was able to take a good glance around the room at the undone bed, dishes, overflowing trash.
She felt even more embarrassed he had seen it now. She really lived like this?
“I should get dressed before they come in..” she said under her breath.
She then picked out something from her dresser, a random hooded sweatshirt and loose adidas joggers. She didn’t know what the climate would be like, but it covered her that’s what mattered.
She stared into the mirror for a few moments, shoulders slumping as she laid eyes on her face.
She turned to the side a few times before sighing. “forget it. Good enough for now.” she then grabbed her duffel and left her room.
She walked out to the car. Everyone was already loading stuff in.
“Well?“ her mother asked, turning to her daughter.
“Uhm, where am i gonna sit?” Moxie questioned, holding the strap of her bag loosely.
“Where do you think?” Her mother sighed heavily. “it’s a four seater. The back.”
Moxie nodded, looking back at her feet.
‘What a stupid question.’
“I’ll get in now..” her voice cracked slightly as she got into the backseat.
She felt even more uncomfortable in the sedan. She tucked her legs in so they wouldn’t press against the back of the seat.
Her mother and her boyfriend then got in.
Time passed slower than usual, of course she brought no source of entertainment. So eventually she ended up dozing off.
She awoke sometime in the afternoon. Shaking off the weariness she lifted her head.
“Are we close?” she asked sluggishly.
“Close. We’re staying in a place not too far from it.” Her mother replied.
She suppressed a huff, sinking back into her seat. Of course they had to be vague, she still didn’t even know where she was going. And in the South? What if the people there were full on rednecks? What if it was dangerous? She didn’t know anything about it.
Her thoughts began to jumble together.
‘What was even the point of this trip again?’ she thought. And began to sweat.
She quickly disregarded those thoughts, it would only make her feel worse to think about. She subsequently began to look out the window for something to do.
it was practically open farmland as for as far as the eye could see, miles upon miles.
She didn’t know what to expect of the South since she’d never been. She expected more alligators or something.
About a hour or so passed and the car came to a halt on a dirt driveway in what seemed like a trailer park.
“We’re ‘ere. Be quick with it.” Her mums boyfriend grunted , stepping out and grabbing some luggage.
Moxie rolled her eyes, without him seeing of course, and silently grabbed her own bag. Trudging herself and baggage onto the porch.
The place wasn’t some farmhouse as expected. More so an average trailer house in a trailer park. Figures.
“Come on.” Her mother nudged her forward as she unlocked the door with a pair of keys.
The inside was a bit unkempt , and smelled stale and of mildew.
“Your rooms at the end of the hall. I’ll be getting takeout. And please don’t stay in your room the whole time.” Her mum stated.
Moxie nodded, not protesting, and followed her directions down the hall to a small bedroom.
It wasn’t anything special, a bed and a desk, a bit of peeling paint, and didn’t smell much better than the rest of the house, but she’d take privacy over quality.
She sat her duffel bag down and laid onto the bed at an attempt to get some more rest. She began dozing off a bit before she was interrupted by the sound of someone laughing and some other voices outside.
She hesitantly took a peek.
Outside she could see it was people her age range and it was one girl with about two other guys. They were smoking and talking rather loudly, Moxie couldn’t make out what they were saying.
Though the girl didn’t appear the most enthusiastic. Leaning against another rusted trailer.
She felt a weird sensation; a tightness in her chest. She hated herself for it; but she would do anything to be in that girls position. Even if she wasn’t enjoying herself at all.
She was thin, dressed fashionable in her nice looking crop top, nicely styled brunette locks.
She felt weird looking down at her own self.
She had none of those things.
But did she even deserve it?
She shook her head. No.
“she’s probably a whore.. shes probably looking to get pregnant or something , and gonna get no where in life..” she rambled to herself the words tasting bitter.
To her, it wasn’t fair. No matter how much makeup, she thought she looked ugly. She would go hungry for days to have the girls frame.
She’d do anything. Anything.
Moxie was too busy thinking that she didn’t notice the girl had taken notice of her, and began to stare.
Moxie froze for a few moments, a chill rushing down her spine, before scrambling to close the curtains and hurried away from the window.
Her chest was heaving. ‘She couldn’t have seen me right?’ she thought. ‘I was only looking for a few seconds. God i’d look so weird if she did.’
There was silence. Maybe she only imagined it.
Either way she stayed out of sight from the window until she thought the coast was clear. For now she began to unpack her duffel.
Until her mother knocked a few times before swinging the door open to the bedroom.
Her mother raised an eyebrow at her sitting on the floor but didn’t comment.
“Moxie. Didn’t i tell you not to stay inside? You’re wasting daylight.” she stood in the doorway crossing her arms.
“I’m going to.” Moxie mumbled. “But i feel tired.. i can’t.”
“Tired? Really?” She asked.
“Yes.. seriously. i barely slept last night..” Moxie said.
“You slept for nearly 10 hours in the car, you’ll be fine. Go on.” Her mother replied, clearly not backing down with this.
“Fine.” Moxie grumbled. Figuring it was best not to argue she stood up brushing past her mother to get outside.
Now she’d have to be near those people.
They’d probably think she’s a creep now, what if they thought she wanted issues? what if they hurt her?
Or worse.
The thought made her heart began to race again. She scratched her arm under her sleeve out of habit.
It was nearly dusk outside by now and still rather humid.
The sweatshirt she wore wasn’t very lightweight which didn’t make the heat any more bearable.
But she wouldn’t risk taking it off.
She looked around the mostly vacant trailer park. Maybe she could wait it out.
She decided to sit under some shade and wait until nightfall. At least that was her plan.
She sat near the end of the community and waited. The sun only had began to set in the horizon.
Her heart rate began to slow.
Until the worst possible scenario happened.
“HEY!” A feminine voice shouted directly in her direction.
Moxies heart sank. She felt a lump form in her throat, unable to move.
It was the brunette girl from earlier.
The girl then approached her. The men who had been with her before were nowhere to be seen.
“I’m talking to you.” the girl quipped. Then paused. “you’re not mentally ‘special’ or something, are you?”
Moxie blinked.
“Uhm.. No.?” She sputtered.
“Then why were you staring at us from your window? and just now not answering when i called you?” the girl questioned.
“I just heard noises.. i um didn’t mean to ignore you..” Moxie mumbled.
Moxie still couldn’t hide the tightness around her eyes when she looked at the girl.
“Oh. “ the girl seemed to notice Moxies expression and softened her tone a little. “Sorry about that i was just kidding by the way.”
When she remained silent the girl then took a few steps forward, Moxie tensed.
“You new here? Little warm for a hoodie no?” The girl scrutinized.
“I am.. just visiting.” Moxie replied, crossing her arms guardedly.
The look the girl gave her made her stammer a bit.
Moxie looked over the girls face as well, she had false eyelashes and caked on makeup. Moxie thought she was right. ‘She’s just some hoe.’ Moxie concluded in her head.
She shouldn’t care what the girl thought should she?
“I’ve never seen anyone willingly visit this shitty part of the state, but sure.” the girl shrugged looking Moxie over. “You got a name? i’m Flora.”
“Uhm..” Moxie looked away.
“Uhm?” Flora repeated. “It’s not a secret. i know we just met but a name isn’t classified information is it?”
Moxies jaw clenched.
The last thing she wanted to do was be friends with this slut. They couldn’t have anything in common.
She’d probably think she’s a weirdo if she knew her, so what’s the point?
But the girl kept pressing her, would it be making it a bigger deal to walk away?
“Soo?” Flora inquired.
But any kind of refusal fell short.
“It’s Moxie.” she muttered.
“Ooh cool. Like the drink?” the girl playfully teased.
Moxie nodded, but she didn’t feel much humorous in this moment.
There was an awkward moment of silence. But before the girl could speak again Moxie spoke.
“I should be going back now. Goodbye.” Moxie then scurried off before Flora could say anything in reply.
She was thankful that could be over, and hoped that’d be their only interaction.
By the time she got back to the trailer her head was throbbing and she had broke into a cold sweat.
Her mother looked up from the dining table, which some sort of fast food bag laying out on it.
“Good you’re back just in time. Your food was getting cold.” She said.
Moxie glanced away.
“I’m not hungry.. i’m gonna go to bed.”
“Really? it’s so early and..” Her mother began but before she could finish; her boyfriend interrupted her.
“She never eats the food you buy for her anyways. Don’t bother.” he rolled his eyes. “She’s just bein’ an ungrateful bitch.”
Her mother simply shrugged, which made Moxies heart rate spike. A surge of frustration.
She stormed back to her room, locked the door and sat on her bed.
She hated it, all of this. Her parents didn’t even care about her. Did they?
They’d just taken her to a new state just to torture her further.
“They don’t even care.” she repeated whispering under her breath. She bit and chewed her lip pulling off dry, chapped skin.
What was she supposed to do?
And now she had to also deal with some perfect girl trying to make friends with her. Who probably just pitied her.
But she was pathetic for letting all this get to her, wasn’t she?
She then dug through her bag and grabbed what she was looking for. Closing her eyes.
A few minutes later she was holding a tissue to her wrist. The flow kept coming so she gave up and let the blood bleed through her sleeve.
It wouldn’t fix anything; she knew that. Feeling the rush of numbness she felt her heartbeat slow. It was shameful for her, very much so, but it was better than feeling as miserable as she was. For now.
She watched the deep red spot on her grow, oozing down her palm. She leaned her head back in the chair counting the stained spots on the ceiling. Her mind wishing to be anywhere else.