Chapter Text
On any other day, if Judy had been rambling on like this about the thousands of cultural differences between your pick of any animals, Nick would have chewed his ears off. But said fox felt no such urge on this morning, as the two patrolled their usual route around the city center.
The excitable rabbit had just returned from some sort of culture seminar… thing? She didn;t explain it well to her partner, because it wasn't exactly clear what it was? All she knew is that there were lots of speakers that had a lot of presentations about different animal sub-cultures for specific species, and cross-species cultures, and it was really quite comprehensive.
Now, for anyone trying to glean information from her, it was difficult, as she had a tendency to get so exited that she would switch topics constantly while trying to talk about the things she had learned.
But Nick, somehow, found patience for it.
Although, part of his listening and deciphering startegy was simply… tuning her out when she got too side-tracked on her own train of thought, just a little.
When his ear caught the word 'fox' in the word salad from his partner, he started listening again. But to his dismay, she seemed to be silent for the first time since roll call.
And staring at him expectantly.
"…hmm?" he hummed at her dumbly, his lazy grin resting on his muzzle like a comfortable coat.
"Like, is it true? I've been meaning to ask, because… well you are a fox, I thought you might have insight," she asked, her expression grew curiously sheepish as she spoke.
This didn't give Nick much clue as to what she had stated before hand, and the only context is that he is in fact a fox, and she just was at a cultural seminar thing. He weighed the options of just telling her he had tuned her out, or he could give his silver tongue a conversational challenge, and just wing it like he was listening, for literally no reason.
Which, the former option is the obvious, obvious, answer.
The latter option sounded so much more fun.
"…Well, as a fox, yes, I do have insight."
He sat upright, cleared his throat, and folded up his sunglasses.
"And what I can say definitively is…" he made a 'so-so' gesture, tilting a flat paw to-and-fro, "…it depends."
It was a safe answer, this could only be a weird answer to a very very specific type of question; It's just vague enough an answer it could work for most questions. Most anything specific to culture is nuanced, he figured. Do you like cake? It depends. How far away is your apartment? Depends. What is that? Depends.
She nodded, "well, of course! I didn't assume it was like that for all foxes, even if it was true, but like…" she paused as she merged onto a main road, "like, I'd imagine that makes dating really… hard."
Dating, He thought, that's a hell of a clue.
He went over the pieces he had so far, Fox-specific cultural difference, that she thinks he knows something about, that complicated dating?
This begged the question in his mind, of what he knew of bunny dating customs. Which was admittedly little, he simply assumed it was a fast affair. And probably very frequent. Probably prompt.
All 'maybe,' or 'probably,' or 'I'd guess-' type answers came to mind. So he couldn't make many inferences about what she didn't know about fox dating based on what she did know about bunnies, because he didn't know anything about bunny dates. And he never will, he decides.
He had to reply soon, because being in thought for too long could disrupt the flow of his nonchalance.
"Well… you're assuming that any kind of dating is easy, carrots," he said somewhat neutrally, but he wanted to take another leap, "we can't all be like bunnies, y'know," he added, carefully gauging her expression.
Her smile flattened into a thin line, the kind of face she often donned when speaking of her extended family.
"You may have a point there," she cringed, "but seriously, do any foxes really live by that rule?"
A rule, huh? He wondered to himself.
A rule that complicated dating.
"Well, it's the twenty-first century, fluff," he shrugged, "personally nothing wrong with… y'know…" he gestured vaguely out the window, "I don't," he gambled again.
Saying something so definitive was the most risky move he could make, but if it worked? He could… win? He wasn't entirely sure why he was doing this, yet.
She regarded him with a sort of wide eyed, amused expression.
"What?" he said.
She shook her head a little, turning her attention back to the road, they were in the thick of downtown.
"Never thought you would admit something like that," she said lightly, "but hey, I'd be the right animal to confide in."
Uh oh. He frowned, what the hell did I just admit to…?
So, a rule that complicates dating, fox-specific, that she would instantly believe is a rule I would break, that I would only ever admit in secret.
Maybe it's a progressive thing to not do.
"Yes I'm… very woke like that…" he said, unsure of himself, and narrowing his eyes at her slightly.
She barked a loud hearty laugh at that. He smiled despite himself.
"I should have known," she chuckled, "my partner, Nicolas Wilde, heart-breaker," she shook her head with feigned dissaproval.
"While it may be true that I'm… very charming, I've always been a gentlemammal, no heart-breaking involved," he said cooly, realizing that he was starting to lose control of the conversation. He's admitted to something, and he's defending it, and he doesn't even know what it is.
"Why the interest anyway fluff?" He asked, trying to make her do the explaining, picking up his coffee from the center console and taking a sip.
"I… dunno, just," her shoulders jumped briefly, "on one paw, it's kinda romantic in a way, but on the other, how could you go through getting to know someone romantically and never do… any of that? What if you discover you are completely incompatible after tying the knot?" She shuddered.
Nick suddenly sputtered and choked; spitting out his coffee had bared consequences.
"You okay there, slick?" She chuckled at the hacking and shuddering fox.
He shook his head eventually, "that's certainly a choice of phrasing…" he wheezed.
"Huh?" She blinked, "what? Tying the knot?"
"Yep, that's the one," he said after recovering from his coughing fit.
Her eyes widened and darted around for a frantic second, as she seemed to have some kind of realization.
"Oh god, is that a mating thing?" She asked with a thick confusion.
God he didn't want to be here.
"Mmhmm," he hummed in a high voice, looking anywhere but at the rabbit.
"Is that why some foxes only do it once?" She asked thoughtfully.
"Huh!?" He looked at her with a look of incredulity, "No…!" Was all he could manage to say in retort, attempting to put his usual face back on.
"But like, how long does it take to tie each other up?" She asked, "Is it really elaborate?"
Oh.
She has literally no idea. He thought to himself, somewhat… relieved? Poor word for the situation.
"No, carrots tying is…" he stopped himself, "Woah woah woah! I am not explaining this to you," he declared.
"So… is 'tying the knot' just marriage? Like it is for everyone else?" She was starting to sound a little more genuinely confused, blissfully unaware of the mental images she continued to unwittingly assault her partner with.
He shifted unconfortably, "Stop saying that, and if you really want to know," he put his shades back on, "you are an adult with internet access-"
"fine!" she sighed, "I just figured 'oh, I have a perfectly good fox to ask about fox things' but whatever…" she mumbled and grumbled to herself.
A strange, awkward tension sat in the air for some time.
Nick wasn't sure wether or not to count this as a victory for accidentally ignoring your best friend, because he was pretty sure that she never had a clue that he still doesn't know what she initially asked about.
Something about fox dating culture, rules that may or may not be old and archaic, that may or may not be sort of open-minded and progressive to break, that in turn would make him a heart-breaker? Kind of romantic in a way, but also kind of a heavy prospect?
This is starting to sound a little familiar to the tod.
Does she think I'm gay? Or non… uh, whatever the term for being in a two animal relationship is. He squirmed a little.
"I hope you don't think too differently of me for being that way, carrots," he said, somewhat genuinely, but was still a gamble if she did in fact think he was gay. Or queer in any sense. Can't be too sure with the country-raised types.
She smiled, but gave him a look anyway.
"Nick, of course not," she said lightly, "I got the impression that you slept around, before I went to the seminar, anyway- and I never thought poorly of you for it," her delivery was so genuine, and saccharine that you'd forget she was talking about a rather salacious topic.
His face scrunched at her.
"And I mean, I get it, sex is fun!" she laughed, "I'm a bunny, I should know."
"Eugh…" he groaned, "well, it's probably different for bunnies," he concluded simply, hoping to end the conversation.
"It can't be that different from what foxes do," she chuckled.
"I wouldn't know carrots… I wouldn't know," he sighed, silently striking a mental image of the rabbit at his side from his mind.
A more comfortable silence lay in the stretch of time between them, for several long minutes, the simply observed the world around them as per their job required, until Judy shifted in her seat once more.
"But… Do you think there might be some foxes that do mate for life?" She asked quietly.
Something akin to hope was in her eyes when he looked at her.
"…what?" he said dumbly.
"Like despite everything you said… do you think it happens at least sometimes?"
He looked at her blankly.
Old time fox dating culture, rules that made dating difficult, She thought I slept around… Foxes Mate For Life.
"Ohh…!" He said, the final piece of the puzzle clicking for him. Mostly because Judy said it out loud but still- A win for not listening.
"Nah, that's actually a really racist stereotype, and sexist at that," he explained with an entirely new demeanor, "It comes from ancient fox history, which may or may not be fake, that was used through the seventeen-to-nineteen-hundreds to coerce vixens to stay with their terrible husbands and give them kits and be subservient and yadda yadda yadda…"
He didn't see Judy's face gradually fall from a hopeful smile to a grave frown as he spoke.
"Wuh…" she mumbled.
She turned to him at a stop sign, and whipped her head towards him, "Why didn't you say that BEFORE!?" she despaired, "God Nick that's so depressing!" She dragged her paws over her face.
"Because I wasn't listening- but it gets worse!" He said with a jovial grin returning to his face.
"I don't want to know!" she wailed, "this has ruined my whole day!"
The car behind them that honked; the animals on the sidewalk tall enough to see into the cruiser windows that spared a curious remark; anyone with ears who could hear (the city's prized fox and rabbit cops, the former, split up in hysterical barking laughter, the latter caught in the throes of despair, boxing her partner with repeated punches,) all with the same question.
What the hell are they doing?