Chapter Text
‘Jesus Christ, I wasn’t serious!’ Tonks yelled, furious with Sirius. ‘It’s not that deep! And anyway, who the fuck are you to tell me—’
‘You’re my baby cousin!’ Sirius cut her off, his voice echoing in the hallway. ‘And he—’
‘"Baby cousin"' she hallowed. 'Give over. We didn't grow up together. You've known me a few years. Where do you get off telling me —’ she snapped but was cut short when the door creaked open and Lupin stepped out, looking weary.
‘Er... what’s going on?’ he asked the arguing pair.
Two pairs of eyes snapped towards him. Neither spoke. Lupin looked from one to the other and back again, sighing. ‘Well, if you’re not going to tell me, then argue somewhere a little more private. Or cast a silencing charm.’ He turned on his heel and left them to it.
Tonks glared at Sirius, who matched her look with a dark scowl. ‘Look,’ she hissed, ‘all I said was that he looked quite handsome all dressed up. I think anyone tailored like James Bond is handsome. It doesn’t mean I want to fuck them, for fuck’s sake! And I wasn't even saying it to you! You eavesdropped! Which, by the way, is rude!’
They were celebrating the one-year anniversary of the capture of the final known Death Eater. Snape—the man who actually tracked the stragglers down—was the guest of honour. Predictably, he had refused to give any speeches and stood mostly in the shadows, nursing a drink whilst everyone else socialised.
Ten minutes ago, Tonks was chatting with Madam Pomfrey. She offhandedly remarked, ‘He looks quite handsome, all dressed up like that.’
Before she knew it, Sirius had caught her arm, his nails digging in painfully, and dragged her into the corridor.
Now, she returned to the hall, trailing behind Lupin. She stood with her fifth cocktail in one hand, her other arm folded over her chest. She had absolutely no intention of going after Snape; he wasn't her type. But anger surged through her at her cousin—first for assuming she wanted to sleep with the man and second for trying to dictate who she could or couldn't take to bed. How dare he!
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the door open. Sirius was back. He slowly stalked over to the bar, grabbed a glass at random, and began to drink, his eyes fixed on her in a silent warning.
Tonks cocked a brow. A rush of pure, unadulterated pettiness shot through her. She glanced at Snape, who looked so bored he might hex himself just for excitement. Fuelled by spite and a significant amount of alcohol, Tonks glided across the room and took up a position right beside him.
‘Wotcher, Snape.’
Slowly, he turned his head and looked down at her. He offered no greeting before returning his gaze to the room.
‘Whatcha doing?’ she asked.
‘Minding my own business. You should try it,’ he replied.
Tonks chuckled.
They stood in silence for several minutes. Tonks swapped her empty glass for another cocktail from a passing waiter—her sixth. Seventh? She’d lost track.
‘Why,’ Snape began, his voice a low drawl, ‘has Black been shooting you evils for the last ten minutes?’
‘Oh, he's pissed off with me,’ she said, the alcohol loosening her tongue.
‘Why?’
Tonks laughed, stirring her drink with a cocktail stick. ‘He yelled at me 'cause he heard me say something he didn’t like.’
Snape arched a brow, clearly wanting more but too proud to ask ‘why’ again. He took a long drag of his Firewhiskey, emptying the glass.
‘He heard me say you looked handsome all dressed up,’ she snorted incredulously. ‘So now he’s under the assumption I want to fuck you or something. He dragged me out there to warn me away from you.’
To her surprise, Snape didn't look mortified. He didn't even choke on his drink. He simply turned his head towards Black and said coolly, ‘Did he now?’
‘It’s nothing! He's putting two and two together and came up with five.’
‘So why are you here?’ he asked, looking down at her.
‘Out of spite,’ she said truthfully. ‘Talking to you would actually give him a reason to be pissed off with me.’
‘I see,’ he drawled.
He looked back at Black, who looked positively deadly. A small, cruel smirk tugged at the corners of Snape’s mouth. ‘Wait here. I need another drink.’
Snape moved towards the end of the table where Black stood. It had been a year since Snape’s short-lived fling with Lupin—the affair that was the best two weeks of his life solely because it had made Black look like he was going to spontaneously combust.
He hadn't seen Lupin since he moved into the cottage. He was undoubtedly a good fuck, but neither wanted anything serious. When he moved out of Grimmauld Place, they failed to maintain contact. Tonight was the first time he had seen him since he left that London house. And, to his annoyance, Lupin still looked good. Snape watched him from across the room when Lupin arrived, stealing glances over the rim of his glass. He thought if he got drunk and horny enough, he could approach him (with Black watching; that would be a requirement), certain that Lupin would accept.
Never had his mind turned to Tonks as a lay. Sure, she was attractive—having Black blood made it inevitable—but he had never seen her as a sexual being, what with her being thirteen years younger than him and having once been her professor. But things changed, and he was more than willing to look past those points for Black.
‘Black,’ Snape greeted, picking up a beer.
‘Fuck off, cunt,’ Black snarled, his lips barely moving.
‘Watch your language.’ Snape took a slow mouthful of the beer, unbothered by the mixing of spirits. ‘There are ladies present.’ When Black didn’t reply, he continued. ‘Very sexy witch, isn't she?’ He nodded towards Tonks. ‘Oh, that’s right—it would be wrong for you to think that. She is, after all, your little cousin.’
‘Go and get fucked, you prick,’ Black hissed. His hands were shaking with suppressed rage; he knew better than to throw a hex with this many Aurors in the room.
Snape’s grin widened. ‘Yes, I suppose I should "go and get fucked". It has been a while... Since Lupin, actually.’ He lied effortlessly.
Black whipped around to face him fully. ‘You stay the hell away from her!’ He jabbed a finger into Snape’s chest.
Snape’s expression darkened with satisfaction. ‘I’m feeling a sense of déjà vu, Black.’ He paused, letting the silence hang for a second. ‘How did it turn out when you warned me from Lupin?’ Snape looked over to Lupin, who was watching them cautiously. The werewolf's eyebrows shot up as Snape gave him a knowing wink and a sly smile. 'It's obvious that you didn't learn your lesson the last time. Perhaps you will this time.'
He didn’t wait for an answer. He turned his back on Black and strolled back to Tonks, hearing Black seethe, 'Don't you fucking dare!' as he retreated.
But he dared.
He leaned closer to her, lowered his head and murmured silkily in her ear, ‘Do you fancy coming back to mine for a petty fuck?’
Tonks blinked, her jaw dropping slightly at the unfiltered boldness of the question. No preamble, no clever metaphors, not even an offer of a fresh drink. She pulled back slightly, looked into his dark eyes and then glanced over behind Snape. Black looked like he was about to have a literal stroke. His face had gone from a heated red to a dangerous, mottled purple.
A chorus of ‘Why not?’ and a strong dose of ‘That'll show him’ hummed from all the cocktails in her system.
‘Yeah, sure!’ Tonks murmured, a wicked, lopsided grin spreading across her face. ‘Why the fuck not!’
She downed the rest of her cocktail, unceremoniously slammed the glass onto the table, flashed her cousin an angry look and headed for the doors.
‘Tonks! Tonks!!’ Black shouted, knocking people aside to reach her.
Just before they crossed the threshold, Snape turned back to face Black, who was marching towards the door. ‘SNAPE!!’ he roared, gaining the attention of the whole room.
Snape flashed a sharp, victorious smile before the doors swung shut behind them.
Tonks let out a breathless laugh as she reached the bottom of the stairs, enjoying the cool evening air of the grounds. ‘Oh, he’s going to kill us. He is actually going to murder us both.’
‘He’ll have to find us first,’ Snape drawled, already reaching for her waist to Side-Along Apparate. Just as he was about to Apparate them, the door opened angrily, so he paused.
Black yanked the doors open at the top of the stairs, and Snape looked up at him; he saw Lupin behind him, his brow furrowed; in anger or jealousy, he wondered.
Snape had a strong desire to shout, ‘Do you want to join us, Lupin?’ for an extra dose of spite. But the words failed to escape his tongue. Maybe next time.
Ignoring Lupin, he watched Black as he slid his hand into Tonks’s hair, winding the pink strands around his fingers to pull her head back, and lowered his head, pressing his mouth against hers in a slow, searingly deep kiss.
Her hands flew to his shoulders, her nails hooking into the expensive wool of his coat, not seeming to care that they were being watched. He drank in her alcohol-tinged breath and the muffled, needy sound of her surprise, all the while keeping his dark, triumphant gaze locked on the shaking, ashen man in the doorway made to watch the scene.
Drawing back for breath, he hauled Tonks flush against him, his thigh forcing its way between hers; the height difference caused her dress to hitch up. Returning to kiss her, he rubbed himself against her belly, letting her feel his heavy, demanding length.
Tonks let out a low, ragged groan into his mouth. His eyes locked on Black, who looked close to murder, with his feet seemingly glued to the spot in a state of pure, paralysed shock.
With a cunning smile against Tonk's mouth, Snape chose to go one step further and see how far he could push before Black broke. Reaching for Tonks's hand on his shoulder, he caught it and pointed it south. He pressed her willing palm flat against his cock's hard, pulsating heat; she moaned at the touch. He ground firmly against her hand, which she pushed into, the friction shattering his composure. His eyes fluttered shut as the sensation became too much, and a loud, lustful moan escaped him—only for Tonks to swallow the sound as she pulled him deeper into the kiss.
That did it. That was the final straw to unglue his feet.
‘GET THE FUCK OFF HER!’ Black’s voice was a raw, guttural growl as he finally broke
Snape snapped his eyes open, his pupils blown wide with dark triumph and lust. Black was charging down the stairs towards them.
He broke contact with Tonks at the very last second, his lips slick and swollen. He held her tight, his heart hammering a victory march against her ribs. Just as Black’s hand reached out to grab him, Snape felt the air twist and turn to lead. He threw one final, devastatingly smug look at Black and vanished.
The last thing Snape heard was Black screaming into the night, ‘GET BACK HERE YOU CUUUUNT!’
Because of Black and his mouth, Snape had bedded his ‘boyfriend’ and was about to bed his cousin. Life couldn't get any better.