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Grace couldn't stop shivering. Somewhere around the year and a half mark into his and Rocky's journey back to Erid, something had settled under his skin. Not literally, thank god. There'd definitely been a period where, after dealing with so much alien life, that had felt like a real risk.
No. This was something else. Something painfully human.
It wasn't just the shaking. That was just the newest symptom. Before that he'd begun having consistent and prolonged nightmares, trouble falling asleep, and feeling tired more and more even when he did manage to sleep. Eating had become a chore, but that could easily be chalked up to the coma slurry as the primary source of food for the past while. It wasn't great on taste or texture.
There was also the irritability. Little things had become increasingly frustrating. It was easy enough to explain away. Being trapped in a confined space with one person, especially one who could see through walls, was never going to be good for the human psyche, but it was becoming a real problem. He'd snapped at Rocky at least once a day for the past week.
That wasn't great. It wasn't fair either. None of this was Rocky's fault. Sure, they argued from time to time but this was different. It was affecting them both and it needed to stop. So, when Grace felt himself about to snap again because the sounds of Rocky tinkering on his newest project made him want to scream, he did what he always did when he was overwhelmed and ran away.
So there he was, curled up in his bunk, facing away from as much of the room as he could, and shaking like a leaf.
"Grace, question?"
Oh god. Not now. He'd left for a reason. Couldn't Rocky just respect that?
"Grace, question?" There was a more insistent twinge to Rocky's chirping.
Grace didn't turn but he could hear Rocky rolling his hamster ball into the room. "Grace sleep, question? Without me watch over, question?"
Grace let out a prolonged sigh. "No, buddy. Not sleeping. I'm just tired."
Rocky was quiet a moment. "Grace is tired often. Irritated. Stupid. Sleep not help like before."
He shifted, making the ball rock a bit before asking, "Grace sick, question?"
"I don't know. Probably not something we can fix." He tried to keep the bitterness out of his voice.
This conversation was tiring. Grace just wanted to be left alone. Or. No. The oposite of that. He really wanted... something. Something that wasn't there.
"Tell Rocky. I fix," came an insistent chirp.
Grace sighed again and rolled over. "I'm probably just bored. It's probably a lack of stimulation making me too sensitive to what's already here. It's not... I just need to be better about it."
Rocky tilted his carapace. "Bored is why Grace move like that?"
"Move like-?" Oh. The shivering. "New word. It's called shivering. My muscles are shaking rapidly. Humans usually do it when they're cold. The movement keeps us warm because being too cold is bad for us."
"Grace cold, question?"
"No I-" He thought about it. "I'm not sure. Not physically."
"Then why shivering, question?"
It was a good question. One he'd been mulling over himself. He felt off, not quite sick, but the shaking definitely wasn't a good sign. God, he could use a hug.
Oh.
Oh shoot.
That was it. He hadn't been touched in... a really long time. If it weren't for Rocky the ship would basically be solitary confinement. No wonder he felt bad.
"Grace thinking, question?" Rocky pressed.
"Oh, um, yeah. Sorry." Grace pulled himself back to the present moment. "I figured it out. It's definitely not something you can help with. The good news is that it won't kill me, I'm pretty sure. The bad news is it's not going to get better."
It really wasn't. Rocky could never touch him. No Eridian could. There really weren't likely to be any humans on Erid who could either. So that was it then. He would never be touched by a living being again. The grief of it settled on his chest like a physical object. He felt a little numb.
"Explain it. I fix it. Grace knows Rocky good good good at fix."
"Humans have really sensitive skin. I've explained this before right?" Grace started out slowly.
When Rocky makes a gesture of understanding, a mimic of a human nod, he continued, "We touch each other a lot. Gentle touch from another living person is really important to us. We can get kinda sad if we don't get it. It's been..."
He has to pause to swallow down the emotion welling up in his throat. "It's been a really long time for me. It can make us feel like we're sick even though we're not. Our brains might have a harder time producing happy chemicals."
Grace swallowed again. "It's just something I'm going to have to learn to live with. We can't fix it."
Rocky let out a low humming sound. "Grace should have said. Grace is not good at telling important things. Even when might die."
Ouch. Yeah, he definitely had a point there. Grace told him, "I'm sorry, Rock. I didn't think about how that would seem to you. I'll try to be better about that. It's another thing for me to work on."
Rocky shifted in his ball. "Will be back. Let Rocky know when need to sleep, question?"
"Okay?" Grace watched him roll back out of the room and towards the entrance to his tunnels.
Huh.
Weird.
For the next several days, Rocky was busy at work on a project, only leaving it when one of them had to sleep. From the rare glances Grace got at it, it looked complex and full of segmented pieces. Some of it seemed to have similar sheen to the Xenonite mesh Rocky used to allow himself to interract with objects on Grace's side of the barrier. Of course, Grace didn't get many chances to look. Rocky was taking full advantage of the fact that he could block Grace's line of sight with his body, a notion that he'd found baffling and funny when he'd first discovered it.
So, eventually, despite how the curiosity and growing loneliness was eating at him, Grace left it alone. He'd find out eventually, he supposed. It's not like either of them could hide something forever, not something physical anyway. It wasn't not until nearly a week has passed before he found out what it was.
He'd taken to sleeping more. With Rocky occupied, a new sense of boredom and isolation had set in. Keeping up with little projects and experiments didn't seem worthwhile anymore. At least when he dozed, the time passed more quickly. That was probably the depression setting in, some logical part of his brain supplied, but, well... he really didn't feel like doing anything about it.
As always, Rocky watched him sleep, and worked on his projects. One day, however, when he woke up, Rocky wasn't in his usual alcove above the bed. There wasn't any sign of his ball either. That had never happened before. A deep sense of dread pooled in his gut at the idea of something going wrong while he slept.
"Rocky?" He called out.
"Rocky is here!" A series of musical chirps and whistles answers.
Rocky came tumbling around the corner in... a space suit?
It was built of delicately connected shards of clear xenonite like the walls or his hamster ball. The difference was that this hugged around his body following the shape of him. Each limb was able to articulate freely on it's own and the suit around his hands seemed to be made from the same xenonite mesh he used to interract with objects on Grace's side of the barrier without crossing over.
"Rocky not leave while Friend Grace sleep. Promise. Rocky hear through walls. Just putting on new suit," the little alien was quick to assure him.
"No it's... it's okay. I thought you might've been hurt." Grace shook away the thought with its accompanying fear and took in the suit. "This is what you've been building? It's beautiful."
"Thank. Is nice! Still getting used to, but good for first try." Rocky swiveled several of his limbs to show the range of motion.
"Now Rocky can touch Grace without making hurt," he added.
"What?" The question came out almost strangled. That was why he built it? For this? For him?
"Hug, question?" Rocky asked lifting two arms in the air towards Grace.
"Yeah okay." He felt a little breathless. The gesture, and the clear effort behind it, threw the world slightly off kilter. This was maybe the kindest thing anyone had ever done for him.
Still, the part of him that couldn't handle failure pushed for a rational separation from the moment. This was such a kind gift, but it could only do so much. Already, he was formulating what to say when it didn't work. He knelt down and leaned in knowing all he would feel was the smooth not-glass of the suit and-
Oh.
Holy crap.
It-
It-
Something in Grace's brain shattered and turned to goo at the contact. It was warm. Rocky was warm. He could feel the warmth through the suit. Rocky's hands settled gently over his back and one swiped up and down in a petting motion. It felt... it felt like so much.
Before he even consciously registered the oncoming tidal wave of emotion, Grace found himself sobbing against Rocky's carapace. It was wet and snotty and disgusting but he couldn't bring himself to let go. He wanted so badly to stay cocooned right there in that exact moment in time.
"Why Grace leak, question? Hurt, question?" Rocky's tone seemed nervous. He quickly tapped the ground a few times with an unoccupied limb in an effort to see Grace better.
"No. No. Not hurt. I missed this. Overwhelmed. Too many emotions. I'm happy, buddy," Grace managed to get out between the tears.
"Grace sure it not hurt?" Rocky pushed hesitantly.
Grace paused to consider the question, reign in the torrent of emotions a bit, and let out a lengthy sigh. "My skin is really sensitive right now. I'm kinda overwhelmed but in a good way. You might say it hurts, but it's a good hurt."
"How can be good hurt? Makes no sense," Rocky said but didn't move away.
"Human thing."
Rocky made a displeased sound but stayed and kept holding him. The gently petting up and down his back never wavered. Eventually, Rocky raised a claw and began to gently play with Grace's hair. It sent sparks of pleasure zinging down his spine. After that, time turned into a warm soup and Grace lost track of things.
At some point, the realization dawn on him that they'd been at this a while. There were things to do. He couldn't stay here forever. Rocky was probably getting bored. He moved to pull back but Rocky's arms tightened around him.
"Buddy?" He asked.
"Grace stay."
"Aren't you bored?"
Rocky shifted slightly. "Enjoying texture. Can sense organ movement from here. Pleasing rhythms."
"Oh." Grace couldn't find the words. It was a little gross, but it was mostly endearing.
"Grace not a burden. Rocky happy to help like Grace watching Rocky sleep and letting Rocky watch sleep even though it is strange to him." There was a low trill under Rocky's words, a heavier tone than he usually used. It usually implied a layer of seriousness to what was being spoken. "Rocky love Grace."
"Oh." Grace felt like the air had been knocked out of his lungs.
"Grace stay for long time, question?" Rocky asked. He almost sounded a little nervous.
"Yeah, buddy. Grace will stay for a long time, statement." He curled in to the embrace. It wouldn't be so bad so at least stay for a few more minutes.