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Soobin had always considered himself a respectful alpha, even an atypical one. He was often timid, never particularly possessive or dominant, and his omega and beta friends always felt safe around him. He took great pride in that.
The problem is that, ever since he started his relationship with Beomgyu, he’s been thinking exactly like any other alpha. His omega made it clear he wanted some time before anything sexual, and of course Soobin would respect that, but it feels as though with each passing day his mind is growing darker.
Soobin had always been in control. He had always been the kind of alpha who thought before acting, who placed others’ comfort above any instinct. But now there are moments when he doesn’t recognise himself. Like when Beomgyu laughs and leans against him without thinking, or when he gets distracted, completely vulnerable, scrolling on his phone with his guard down. In those moments, something inside Soobin tightens.
More often than not, he doesn’t recognise himself, feels like a terrible alpha for having to hold himself back from pouncing on Beomgyu. Had he always been like this and just never realised?
Practically everything his omega does excites him. Even kissing feels like a kind of torture, and yet he can never bring himself to say no. When they’re at home, it’s manageable, Soobin can slip away to the bathroom and deal with it, but now, at Beomgyu’s family countryside house, that feels far more difficult.
It’s practically impossible for him to be alone, he can’t even stay in the bathroom for long without someone knocking on the door, always calling him to do something. It’s starting to push Soobin’s situation particularly out of control.
Even though they have a room to themselves, they still don’t do anything beyond kissing, and whenever Beomgyu notices things moving too quickly, he stops, and Soobin, of course, always respects that.
Every time Beomgyu pulls away, still breathless, with that slightly dazed look and his hands gently pushing against his chest, Soobin needs a few more seconds than he should to pull himself together. Maybe going two weeks without any release, with a constant ache weighing on him, is turning him into something he doesn’t quite like. His mind has become a whirlwind of thoughts about how to make Beomgyu come undone.
Soobin wonders whether the same kind of thoughts ever cross Beomgyu’s mind. Has he ever touched himself thinking about it? Or is he really that innocent? He wants to know more than he should.
The truth is, Soobin should be asleep. He definitely shouldn’t have let his thoughts wander this far. His body isn’t touching Beomgyu’s, but even just watching him breathe in his sleep, his slightly overgrown hair falling messily across his face, is enough to stir something in him.
It felt a bit insane — how can something as simple as breathing turn me on? He couldn’t stop thinking about it. Even so, he stayed perfectly still, just to catch every detail of the other’s deep, steady breathing.
He’d had an erection for hours, it was probably close to four in the morning by now, and his cock simply refused to settle. His trousers felt unbearably tight, and even the slightest movement sent a delicious friction through him. Soobin couldn’t take it anymore. The constant ache in his groin, the desperate need for release, it was all too much. Even half-asleep, his body was acting on its most primitive instincts.
His hips began to move almost imperceptibly against the mattress. He was so far gone, lost in a haze of desire and desperation, that he didn’t even realise what he was doing. With each intake of breath from Beomgyu, he pressed himself more firmly into the bed.
Before long, his movements grew more urgent, his body shifting and rubbing with increasing need, his hardness dragging against the fabric of his trousers with every motion.
“Nngh… ahh…” Soft, muffled sounds began to slip from Soobin’s lips as he rubbed himself against the mattress, completely out of control. At some point, he stopped matching Beomgyu’s rhythm altogether. His breathing grew heavier, his chest rising and falling with each desperate movement.
He felt unbearably hot, more than ever before, like his body had fallen into some relentless routine. Beads of sweat formed on his forehead, trailing down his neck and chest.
Soobin’s mind was a haze of disordered thoughts. He found himself imagining things about Beomgyu that he wasn’t proud of, things he would never say out loud, at least not now. Worse still, he didn’t feel anywhere near finishing, and that only made him more anxious.
His hand slid down to the waistband of his pyjama bottoms, slipping inside to wrap around himself. The moment he felt that warmth, he squeezed his eyes shut, holding back the pathetic sound that threatened to escape. He moved his hand slowly, up and down, acutely aware of how tense he was.
Forcing himself to open his eyes again, Soobin froze when he met Beomgyu’s wide gaze fixed on him.
“Soobin?” Beomgyu asked softly, his voice still rough with sleep. “Are you alright?”
Soobin’s breathing was heavy, and, embarrassingly, he hadn’t even stopped moving his hand. There was no way to lie, Beomgyu would never forgive him.
“I didn’t mean to wake you,” he whispered, almost reverently. “I’m sorry.”
His hands stilled the moment Beomgyu shifted, but he was still hard and aching, the outline plainly visible beneath the sheets. He made no move to hide it, almost as if he couldn’t bring himself to stop touching himself, even with his omega awake and unsettled by the situation.
He couldn’t bring himself to look at Beomgyu, shame and desire locked in a fierce battle within him. Shame for his lack of control, for frightening his omega like that. And desire, God, the desperate, aching urge to take, to claim, to possess. He really was losing himself completely.
“I… I’m so sorry,” Soobin said, his voice thick with emotion and want. A single tear slipped down his cheek as he pulled his hand from inside his trousers, leaving a faint, glistening trail against his damp skin.
He didn’t quite know why he was crying, whether it was the shame of not being able to control himself or the unbearable ache in his own body. It felt as though if he didn’t find release soon, he might simply fall apart.
Beomgyu, still groggy from just waking up, looked at him completely lost, with no idea what to say. He sat up and switched on the small lamp on the bedside table.
“Soobin, what’s going on, my love?”
“Please, forgive me,” Soobin pleaded, his eyes shining with tears. “I’m trying, I swear I am. I just… I need…” He couldn’t bring himself to say it.
Beomgyu’s expression softened as he watched a tear slip down Soobin’s cheek, his own eyes widening slightly. He shifted closer to him on the bed. The alpha’s gaze followed the movement, not quite understanding.
“What do you need, love?” Beomgyu whispered. Soobin swallowed hard, he could have sworn he felt the scent of chamomile around him grow stronger.
“I need…” he didn’t finish the sentence. Close enough to his face, Beomgyu leaned in, brushing his tongue over the tear trailing down Soobin’s cheek, a small smile forming afterwards.
“Idiot alpha, can’t even control yourself,” Beomgyu murmured, his warm breath grazing Soobin’s skin. “I want to help you.”
Soobin wasn’t sure if he’d heard him right, but the closeness of Beomgyu’s body answered any doubt.
He couldn’t bring himself to ask whether Beomgyu was truly certain about it, it would be his first time, after all, but his mind was too clouded to think clearly. Unable to resist any longer, he closed the remaining distance between them, capturing Beomgyu’s lips in a kiss.
Beomgyu returned it eagerly. As they kissed, Soobin’s hips began to move of their own accord, his aching hardness brushing against the soft warmth of Beomgyu’s thigh.
Soobin moaned into Beomgyu’s mouth, his tongue clumsy and hard to follow, claiming him in an unsteady, almost desperate way. Beomgyu let out a soft, breathy sound that only spurred him on further. His hands roamed over Beomgyu’s back, tracing the lines and curves of his body.
His arousal throbbed as he kept grinding against him, the sensation so intense it was nearly impossible to think of anything else. A damp patch spread across his pyjama bottoms, the thin fabric growing warm and slick, but he couldn’t stop, couldn’t slow down.
Beomgyu seemed to sense the alpha’s desperation, the way his body was strung tight with tension. He shifted his hips to meet Soobin’s.
“S-Soobin, what can I do to help you?” Beomgyu panted when they broke apart to breathe, his face flushed and his eyes hazy with want. “What does my alpha want?”
Soobin could only manage a low, strained sound in response, something deep and instinctive that seemed to vibrate through his chest, leaving his omega startled and unsure. His hand slid lower, settling against Beomgyu’s hip as he awkwardly tried to tug at the fabric of his shorts.
“You,” he whispered, his voice rough with want. “I need you. I need… ah—please, please.”
With trembling hands, Beomgyu shifted, fingers hooking into the waistband of his shorts and easing them down slightly, his breath catching in his throat as he did.
Before Beomgyu could do anything more, Soobin raised his hips, pressing his member against the omega's intimacy. The moist heat penetrating the thin fabric was maddening. He rolled his hips, rubbing his throbbing erection against the gap covered by Beomgyu's clothing. He could feel the omega's lips, swollen and tense with excitement, parting slightly as he rubbed against him.
Beomgyu’s breathing came in short, broken sighs, his back arching off the bed as he pressed himself more firmly against Soobin. He could feel every contour, every vein and pulse of the alpha’s length brushing against him, separated only by a thin barrier.
With a low, rough sound, Soobin bent down and tugged at the drawstring of his pyjama bottoms. In a quick, desperate motion, he shoved them down along with his underwear. He sprang free, pressing hot and insistent against the damp fabric covering Beomgyu, the contact sending a sharp, overwhelming jolt through him.
He moved his hips, the thick head of his penis rubbing against him clitoris. The sensation of his hot, hard flesh against her pussy made Beomgyu gasp, arching her back sharply.
He moved his hips, the heavy tip of his length knocking against Beomgyu’s underwear, brushing against him through the thin fabric. The sensation of his heat and hardness pressed so intimately against him drew a sharp gasp from Beomgyu, his back arching abruptly.
“S-Soobin—” Beomgyu moaned, and Soobin answered with a rough, strained sound. It felt as though his mind had dissolved into something shapeless, capable of focusing on nothing but the overwhelming urge to have his omega.
Soobin lifted one of Beomgyu’s legs to gain more freedom of movement, angling his hips to fit closer against him. The new position let him press himself more firmly there, even as he moved with a kind of frantic, instinctive urgency, the sensitive tip dragging against every point through the thin barrier.
“Oh—God…” Beomgyu gasped as he felt the heavy head of Soobin’s length brushing near his entrance through the damp fabric of his underwear. His hips shifted on their own, trying to press closer, craving more of that intense, overwhelming friction.
“Aah—ah…” Soobin groaned, moving his hips, grinding himself against him. Each thrust of his pelvis pressed him more firmly there, the damp fabric of Beomgyu’s underwear the only thing keeping him from going any further.
He wanted to tear that thin piece of fabric away and finally sink into him, to feel that closeness for real. But he didn’t know if that would upset Beomgyu, so he held himself back, letting out low, strained sounds instead, his mind running wild with the thought of how it might feel.
He was pulled out of the haze of his thoughts when Beomgyu nearly cried out, but to keep quiet, he bit down on Soobin’s shoulder hard enough to almost draw blood. A sharp, high sound slipped from him as the tension inside him finally snapped. His body tensed, back arching as a powerful orgasm hit him all at once.
Soobin could feel him trembling and tightening around the head of his length, even through the damp fabric of his underwear, the sensation sending a shudder through his entire body.
He hadn't yet looked at his own penis, but he was certain his testicles were purple, and if he didn't stick something on somewhere he would die, he was absolutely sure of it. However, he did nothing even in that state; he still hadn't received confirmation from his beloved.
“Beomgyu,” Soobin said, voice unsteady, the desperation in it so clear it sounded like he might break down again. Somehow, that only seemed to stir something deeper in Beomgyu. “Please.”
“You look like a desperate dog, it’s kind of cute,” Beomgyu said between heavy breaths, leaving Soobin unsure whether it was meant as a compliment, though the smile on his face suggested it was. “You can take whatever you want from me.”
There wasn’t a single part of Soobin that rejected that offer. A small part of his mind felt a flicker of disappointment that their first time might happen in such a messy, unplanned way, but most of him didn’t care at all. Truth be told, he couldn’t hold himself back for even a second longer.
Then he started kissing Beomgyu in a clumsy, messy way, more desperate than anything else, but the omega still seemed to enjoy it.
He reached down and tugged Beomgyu’s underwear aside. The soaked fabric clung for a moment before giving way, exposing him fully to the cool air of the room. Breathing hard, Soobin hovered for a second, fingers trembling over his warmth. Without warning, he pushed one inside, letting out a low sound as he felt him tighten around it.
“Ahh—oh God, Soobin,” Beomgyu cried out, his hips moving involuntarily at the sudden intrusion. He was still so sensitive from his recent orgasm, and the touch sent sharp waves of pleasure up his spine.
Soobin began to move his finger in and out of him, his thumb circling slowly over the swollen, sensitive spot above. It didn’t take long before he added a second finger, spreading and moving them carefully. He was trying to prepare his omega, even if everything about it was rushed and unsteady.
Unable to bear the need any longer, he withdrew his fingers and guided himself down, aligning with Beomgyu’s warmth. With a deep, strained sound, he pushed forward, the tip easing past the initial resistance as he entered as slowly as he could manage.
“U—ugh…” Soobin choked out, holding himself back with visible effort, fighting the urge to thrust forward and bury himself fully in a single motion.
Beomgyu let out a sharp cry, his back arching as he felt Soobin slowly entering him, inch by inch. It was an overwhelming mix of pleasure and discomfort, his body struggling to adjust to the alpha’s size.
“Ahh… you’re big for such a foolish alpha,” Beomgyu moaned, his nails digging into Soobin’s shoulders as he clung to him.
When he finally began to move into Beomgyu’s tight warmth, he couldn’t hold back his tears again, and this time he didn’t even understand why. His vision blurred as the intensity of it all overwhelmed him. He wanted to claim Beomgyu, to mark him, to make it known to the world that Beomgyu was his.
“Breathe, love. Just breathe,” Beomgyu murmured between soft sounds, one hand coming up to cradle Soobin’s face. He was so warm it almost felt feverish, like he was caught in the middle of something he couldn’t quite control.
“Beomgyu… omega,” Soobin said, his voice thick with tears.
His thrusts were slow at first, somewhat clumsy, a mix of gentleness and desperation. He was still trying to hold himself back, to be careful, to be soft. Beomgyu, meanwhile, was just as much of a mess, lost in broken sounds and breathless moans.
“So good,” Soobin panted, his hips rocking as he gradually picked up the pace. He no longer knew where to touch Beomgyu, he wanted to touch everywhere, to hold him, to stay like this forever.
Without warning, Soobin slipped his hands under Beomgyu's knees and lifted him, bending him almost in half across his lap and leaving him without back support. This new position allowed him to penetrate even deeper, the head of his penis brushing against the entrance of his uterus with each thrust.
“Yes—fuck… just like that,” Beomgyu choked out, his eyes widening as Soobin reached places he hadn’t even known existed.
Soobin's movements became more urgent, more desperate as he approached climax. His hips thrust forward, the thick head of his penis slamming against Beomgyu's cervix. With each passing second, his penis seemed to ache more, finally leading to his orgasm.
Beomgyu could do nothing but moan and cling to the alpha as he moved inside him.
“Please,” Beomgyu pleaded, his voice high and unsteady with need. “Please, Alpha.”
That was the last straw for Soobin. His penis throbbed and contracted as he buried it deep inside her, the glans expanding and pulsating against the entrance to her uterus. With a final, trembling groan, he ejaculated, his thick, hot semen gushing from his member in long jets, far more than usual. His body relaxed instantly.
Soobin didn’t notice when his vision began to darken, but he slowly started to fall backwards, even as the last waves still coursed through him. Beomgyu reacted immediately, alarm flashing across his face as he realised Soobin was about to pass out.
He collapsed fully onto his back, pulling Beomgyu down with him, leaving the omega awkwardly caught against him. Beomgyu kept saying something, his voice urgent and panicked, but Soobin couldn’t make out a single word. His whole body trembled, lingering aftershocks still running through him as he struggled to stay conscious.
After that, Soobin remembered nothing.
Soobin woke to a harsh light against his face. His head was pounding, and there was something cold resting in his lap. He slowly pushed himself up, realising he was lying on the bed, now dressed, with an ice pack placed over himself.
He looked around in confusion, barely remembering what had happened. As fragmented flashes of the night flickered through his mind, the door opened, revealing Beomgyu, who now looked surprisingly cheerful.
“Thank God you’re awake,” he said, walking over. “I really didn’t want to have to explain to my family what actually happened.”
“H-how long was I out?” He could barely look at Beomgyu without feeling like a complete pervert.
“I’m not exactly sure, but it’s noon now.”
Soobin bit his lip nervously. Beomgyu sat down beside him, pulling a face, and Soobin knew exactly why.
“I’m sorry. I really don’t know what came over me.” He covered his face, upset with himself, as if his own body had betrayed him.
Before answering, Beomgyu let out a small laugh.
“I wanted it too, and perhaps I got a bit carried away agreeing so quickly,” Beomgyu murmured, trying to calm Soobin, who didn’t seem entirely convinced. “You didn’t do anything I didn’t want, my love.”
Soobin was still embarrassed, still felt a little out of sorts and unsettled with himself. He wasn’t even in his usual routine, and yet he could barely remember what he’d done.
“I think I’m a pervert.”
“I can’t exactly disagree with that.”
Soobin’s eyes widened at once.
“Beomgyu—”
“Easy,” he raised a hand, letting out a quiet laugh, clearly enjoying the situation more than he should. “I’m joking. Mostly.”
“I’ll never be able to look your family in the eye again.”
“Relax, they just think you were unwell,” Beomgyu shrugged. “Which, technically, isn’t a lie.”
Soobin let out a long sigh, still not daring to look at him.
“I’m a bit of a pervert too,” Beomgyu added quickly. “I couldn’t help but pounce on you when you were that desperate.”
Soobin slowly turned his face to look at Beomgyu, who merely shrugged in response.
“What, did you think I was some sort of saint?” he arched an eyebrow, a faint smirk tugging at his lips. “You were like that and I just—”
He made a vague gesture with his hand, as if it didn’t even need explaining.
“You were always saying you wanted some time.”
“If I’m saying it’s alright, then it’s because it is, alpha.” Soobin felt a shiver run down his spine every time Beomgyu called him that.
Soobin let out a defeated sigh, letting his body fall back again.
“I wish our first time together had been more romantic,” he murmured, a little sheepishly.
“Then shall we do it again properly, make it romantic?” Beomgyu teased, playfully throwing himself on top of him as he peppered Soobin’s face with kisses.
“I think if I get hard again, I’ll genuinely need to go to hospital,” Soobin pulled a face that drew a deep laugh from Beomgyu.
“When you fainted, I was so scared—you were still…” he flushed red with embarrassment, “…coming,” he finished quietly, looking away.
“Please, let’s just forget that,” Soobin murmured, running his hands through Beomgyu’s soft hair. “I’m not usually like this.”
“You’ll have to prove that.”
Beomgyu was going to drive Soobin completely mad.