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Imposter Syndrome (easier said than done)

Summary:

Where an SI wakes up as Zoro, is still trans, and tries their best to live up to his name, his Dream, and most importantly, his role.

(the first mate, the second strongest, the protector, they need to be the strongest swordsman, they can't leave the crew without him)

Where Kuina lives, gets to be a woman, and takes no one's bullshit.

(no elaboration required :] )

And where the original Zoro makes his return, about a decade down the line, because SI!Zoro really needed the reminder of how they're different.

(if your role model came to you, fought you, and told you that you are strong, would you believe him?)

Notes:

Chapter 1: The New Kid

Notes:

heyyyy look at that, we back!! 😎 welcome newcomers and those waiting for the rewrite!!
are you excited? I'm so excited! :]]]

this is my birthday gift to myself (it just turned midnight) I'm so giddy, I've never been this excited about my birthday before 😳

I'm just a little nervous bout writing something so like, vulnerable? 👀

I think I autismed too hard to experience girlhood before I transitioned into a male-passing creature (not a man tho, learned that some months ago). I was lucky in a lot of ways throughout my suffering.

so if I fuck up a portrayal, lmk. and if you have any stories, readings to share, lmk :] and just in general, any constructive feedback cuz ik it's an important topic to write with respect

I'm here to therapy myself lmao and let myself be angry (it's super weird to be allowed to show it at all, bear with me lol) and love so, so much.

I still think about that one commentor years ago (on the original fic) who advocated for Kuina being a woman. I agree with them now, after realizing why I thought I was a trans man in the first place - really went down the path of reject femininity so hard, become man, but really it was about not wanting to be bound by expectations - hence I am now comfortably and confidently genderqueer (and still trans).
I didn't comprehend that people want to and like being and just are women. I still don't know how that thought process came to be, exactly, but I do know now that i've changed my mind and i know women are super awesome. I have many daughters now (they're all characters) and I am researching lots.

(for my tf2 fic, which is where most of my daughters are, so I'm not sure how much will translate here...when they're not yet adults, and it's not the 1900s. um I'll read more as I go)

so. here's my love.

hope y'all who've been waiting for the rewrite love it too 🥺
enjoyyyy and oh yeah there's end notes to write lmao see you soon :3

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

There's a new kid at Isshin Dojo.

He shows up one day, in the middle of the afternoon session.

Since she had to exchange her shinai for laundry (it's strength training, despite what anyone else says) after the morning session, her eyes are free to see that:

He's green.

She almost trips over her feet and mentally thanks her callouses for keeping the basket of sheets from slipping.

After straightening herself out, she looks again and makes a correction:

His hair is green.

Bright green. Like summer.

Not something you see much nowadays, unless you have a reason to brave the damp and cold winds to find the evergreens at the edge of town.

He has three shinai bundled in his arms, almost too worn and frayed to be safe.

But…three?

Where would the third go? Unless. It's probably a spare.

The kid scans the yard, frowning particularly hard at the students.

(she gets it. most of the kids who come to train after lunch are usually too sleepy to work as hard. why even bother at that point if you're not going to try?)

Their eyes meet.

She holds his gaze, challenging him to dismiss her like everyone else.

("aww, here to watch the boys?")

("looking for a good heir early, huh? make sure you learn how to be a good wife, too")

("what are you doing here?")

But he doesn't look away.

Something settles across his shoulders (something familiar, but what?) and he stalks her way.

"Hey."

Bamboo creaks under his grip as he squeezes and releases. His frown looks more like nerves than disapproval now.

"Hi," she says, shifting the weight of the basket to one arm. Usually, she ignores her job of providing hospitality (she needs to get used to welcoming new students when she takes over), but she'll make an exception for this kid for being so strange (green). "Whaddya want?"

He takes a breath. Not sure what he's bracing himself for, but it better not be a stupid love confession.

She'll go right back to laundry because at least the sheets can shut up and leave her be.

"You're the strongest here, right?" he rushes out in one go. "Spar me."

She blinks.

He doesn't (why are those eyes so familiar?), because he's too busy forgetting to breathe.

"Uh, please." He bows, jabbing his stomach on his shinai on the way down. That's one way to catch your breath. "Please spar with me."

She glances at the group on the field (only the instructor is watching them with a confused, but uninterested look). She glances into the halls (father nowhere in sight and unable to interfere).

She looks back at the kid.

(dusty, sweaty, matted green. shirt worn and torn and frayed. white-knuckle grip he forces to relax before the bamboo breaks)

He hasn't gotten up yet.

"Okay," she says. When did she start smiling?

(it's the first time they knew to challenge her)

"Really?!" He whips his head up, eyes wide and relieved.

She leans out of headbutt range.

"Yes, really." She knocks her head to the side. "C'mon. We have spares you can use."

He looks at his hands. Ah, he mouths, releasing his strangling grip for the last time.

"Thank you." He nods.

She huffs.

"Don't cry if you lose."

Instead of getting defensive, he straightens, shedding all his previous nerves for an assured calm.

(she knows those eyes)

(she sees them in the mirror)

"I won't."

(it's spite in resignation)

Notes:

yayayay!!! I'm so so excited for these two I could try to put it in words
(kicking my feet and screaming into a pillow - but I am currently in class writing this so I have a resting face on actually. my legs are kicking tho)

gonna try to keep OCs to a minimum unless they recur. (I might steal some over from my other fandoms if necessary. it sucks to make one up on the spot ough) and try not to write myself into a corner this time :]

oh yeah if you know sword things / can point me to good sources to learn about sword things (or even what the official names are...idek how to look it up) please 🥺 lmk

I have a couple of the first chapters already written / drafted, so updates should be more often than my other fics lol, def not daily like last time. weekly if things go well, twice a month at worst?

I cannot make promises I can't guarantee, but I do have hopes to update a lot and will try
if you wanna follow along, I make progress updates on Tumblr. so you know which fic I'm actively working on

(and if none of them are being updated, my soul is either tangled with my TF2 AU passion project Bleeding Heart or I've accidentally burnt myself out on writing for days in a row and need a 1-2 week break)
now then~ I think that's it for now 😊

thank you everyone for reading this far and maybe I'll see you again soon 🥰🤭

I love you 🫶🏽