Chapter Text
For as long as she could remember, Mel had always been told how lucky she is to be a twin. To be born with a best friend. And Becca is her best friend, and she is hers. Always has been, always will be. Don’t ever doubt that. Mel certainly doesn’t. The two of them have always been good at reminding each other of the fact.
Becca didn’t choose her. She was stuck with Mel the moment she was born. It was something already chosen for them, either by fate or biology. Mel hasn’t totally made up her mind about that part yet.
None of this stops the gnawing feeling of loneliness in the pit of her stomach. It doesn’t stop how she lies awake at night, riddled with thoughts that just won’t end, and how she longingly looks at her colleagues (Mel purposefully doesn’t call them her friends) since they all seem to be much closer with each other then they are with her.
Because at the end of the day, Mel doesn’t truly believe that she has any other friends than Becca. Are Becca and her even that close anymore? She now only visits once a week, but they do still text and facetime multiple times a day. What is the definition of a close friend? And she has Adam now, anyway. When Becca spends time with Mel, she is often on the phone with Adam, either texting, calling or facetiming. Maybe she’s just jealous. It was probably all Mel’s fault, with how she reacted to her sister being in a relationship.
There certainly isn’t a lot of competition to take the number one spot on Mel’s short, short list of friends. She isn’t too sure if the people at work even like her. Maybe they just tolerate her. That must be it. Santos had invited her to karaoke after the fourth of July, but then she spend the entire evening trying to get Mel drunk because she wanted to see “Drunk Mel”. And maybe Mel had gotten a little drunk, sue her (don’t, seriously). That part made her feel more like a circus animal or a lab rat rather than their friend. Sure, karaoke was fun, but Santos spiking her sprite was not. So, any other invite she sends her way, after that night, has quickly been declined. She didn’t even like drinking all that much. And as she kept declining, the amount of invitations lessened.
But Mel still can’t help but have FOMO when she hears them make plans without her. She tells herself that it is stupid, since she is the one who turns them down, but she can’t help but long for people, other than Becca, to really get her. To want her. Pick her. Now she sounds slightly like a ‘pick me girl’, but Mel can’t help but want someone to choose her. Not just give her a pity invite or have a hidden agenda with their invitation.
She has had enough of it by now. The humiliation, the embarrassment, people ignoring her, walking away from her mid conversation. Dismissing her without a second thought. Once, Mel tried to take part of the betting going on in the security room but was told by Ahmad that she should just save her money since she probably wouldn’t win. Did he want her 20 bucks or not?
Javadi, Dennis, Santos and Samira never have the common decency to wait to talk about their fun weekend plans when she isn’t around. Whenever they mention an inside joke and she asks about it, they tell her that she either wouldn’t get it or that she should have been there. Javadi once even scolded Santos for cursing in front of Mel. It was honestly insulting. Treating her as a child even though she is clearly a grown woman. Treating her like a charity case or like she is stupid and incapable of having fun.
It has always been like this for Mel. Lonely. She never really had many friends growing up. Not very close ones anyway. Going to school was even more tough when her and Becca had to be separated since regular classes didn’t fit Becca’s needs. So Mel was quickly all on her own. That’s when the bullying started. Always small, little thing that would make her cry. Pulling her hair, shoulder checking her, scribbling mean drawings in her workbook, pointing, laughing. She never said anything. Did anything. She was embarrassed and her parents already had so much on their plates, so she didn’t want to add any more.
She thankfully got some friends in college, in her second semester. Other high achieving kids that also felt a little lonely. They would still text each other from time to time, but they were all spread over the country. It wasn’t the friendship Mel craved.
Her job certainly didn’t help. Why in the world would someone like her choose the ED? Mohan once told her she would be better suited in dermatology or family medicine. That the ED was a place with a ton of death and that it was too fast paced for Mel. Kinda rich coming from someone with the nickname slo-mo, but she might still be right, none the less.
Mel loves the medicine part of the job. The difficulty. The way it wracks her brain and tests her skills. She doesn’t like the emotional part of it. Both hers, the patients and the families. There hasn’t been a day since she started were she hadn’t cried, either at work or after she got home. It takes a toll on her, seeing families being torn apart, day in and day out. Just like her own family was torn and broken. She dreams about them at night. The patients. Her parents. The ones she can’t save. They stand at the foot of her bed, asking her, begging her to save them. But she can’t. She’s frozen. Paralyzed. Stuck to her bed. Watching them die all over again.
In her desperation to finally put an end to all the loneliness and anxiety, Mel started seeing a therapist.
Her name is Kathy. She is in her late fifties and has her grey hair tied together into a lose bun at the nape of her neck. Mel supposes she looks like a mom. Not like her mom, but a mom.
It doesn’t take much prying from Kathy before Mel is spilling her guts about everything in her life that is going wrong. She tells her all about her job, about her sister, her sister’s stupid boyfriend, about the immense amount of pressure on her shoulders, and last but not least, about how incredibly lonely she is. The tears creep up in the corners of her eyes, ready to spill. They sit in silence for a few moments while Kathy scribbles down in her notebook. Mel desperately wants to know what she is writing.
The silence is then broken when Kathy asks her if she has ever wanted to commit suicide. Mel can’t find the courage to look her in the eyes as she nods, let alone croak out a response. The tears are now freely spilling down her cheeks, and her gaze is firmly pointed towards her hands that are lying flat on the table. Kathy puts a hand on top of Mel’s. While she recognizes how it is meant to be comforting, Mel can’t shake away the need to rip her hand away.
“Think about your parents. About how they would feel if you killed yourself. I know if my daughter did something so incredibly selfish like that, I would never recover.” She says. Mel grits her teeth.
“My parents are dead.” Mel finally looks up at the older woman, to find her looking at her with a slightly sour face.
“Think about your sister, then. You are her sole caretaker at home. Just think about where she would end up if you weren’t here anymore. No one to provide for her.” Her words echo around the inside of Mel’s head.
Kathy suggests that they should keep going with the sessions for at least another year, and Mel nods along. She leaves the therapists office deep in thought. Talking with her made her realize one thing. Becca doesn’t need her, just needs her money. That’s the only thing for Mel to do. Mel’s main job in life was to be Becca’s best friend, and now she is just her financial provider.
Mel cancels her therapist sessions the very next day, in the early hours of the morning after contemplating the whole night. She won’t need therapy anymore, because she already has a plan.
Mel is going to kill herself.
Now, this isn’t as simple as it sounds. She can’t just jump into the Allegheny on her way to work. She has to be smart about it. That is what Kathy made her realize. There is one huge caveat to her plan: What is going to happen to Becca once she is gone? This is what Mel has been thinking about the entire night, and she has finally come up with a solution.
She needs to befriend Frank Langdon.
Frank is probably the first person Mel would consider her friend at work. She herself wouldn’t say they are friends, just friendly. They have only really been working together for a couple of weeks, if you don’t count their first ever shift together. It is during this time that Mel has noticed that Frank seems more interested in her than their other colleagues. He has even shown interest in hearing about her sister. This is why Mel deems him to be her perfect involuntary volunteer for her plan.
It’s not like Mel can rely on Adam and his family. She hardly even knows them. Boyfriends come and go, right?
But what even is the plan? Here it goes: Mel is going to befriend Frank, introduce him to Becca, let him become part of their lives, get close to him, make him unknowingly vow to take care of Becca, if anything were to happen, and then Mel is going to kill herself. Easy as that. Okay, maybe not so easy, but Mel is going to give it a shot.
And Frank truly is the perfect subject. Not just because of his friendliness towards Mel, but because he seems like the person that is the easiest to get close to. Kind of a social outcast if you don’t count Donnie or Cassie, and he has a very strained relationship with many of their coworkers.
Something about him tells Mel that he might also feel a little lonely. He certainly doesn’t get invited to go drinking with Trinity like she used to. He never even had the option of declining.
There are just two wrenches in her plan. Number one: Frank has a wife and two small kids to go home to every night. He might not need her friendship in the same way she needs his. Number two: Mel is ridiculously attracted to him. Has been ever since she first met him. She knew nothing would ever happen about it, (see previous point about wife and kids, (Mel might be miserable, but she is not a homewrecker)), so she would just have to put that aside.
Rest assured, Mel could (un)happily die knowing that there is someone out there ready to vouch for Becca. Advocate for her. At least until she regains her footing. And it’s not like Becca needs her specifically. She only needs Mel to pay for her place at the center. This is where she spends most of her days and nights anyway. She has loads of friends at the center. She truly is everything Mel isn’t. Has everything Mel craves. Some part of Mel might feel a little jealous, but an even bigger part is unbelievably proud of how for she has come. Mel and Becca have both been in Pittsburgh for the same amount of time, but Becca’s social circle is endless times larger.
While Becca’s Etsy shop is doing really well, it will probably never make enough to pay for all that she needs. This is another reason as to why Mel has to be smart about it. She has to save up as much money as possible before passing. She already had a pretty decent amount of money in her savings, that’s what you get from having two dead parents that left everything to you in their inheritance and getting a full ride in college through two scholarships. Mel has also always been pretty frugal. Not buying anything they don’t need. Now she is going to be even more frugal.
She is also going to have to work even more. Pick up as many shifts as possible. Right now she makes about $81.000 a year, but she might be able to make a couple more grand if she picks up some unwanted shifts. Next year as an R4 she’ll make even more. She might even get her first couple of paychecks from a fellowship before the finish line. It all depends on how quickly she is able to get close to Frank and able to save money. It will probably take around two years, she concludes.
But her paychecks and her savings won’t be enough. She needs more. Most importantly, she needs a life insurance. Thankfully, that shouldn’t be too expensive since she is a young and healthy woman who doesn’t smoke. From her research, this could give about Becca $300.000 if Mel picked a good insurance, maybe even more.
But the final ace up her sleeve is to get a side hustle. Multiple, even. There were of course the smaller ones: dog walking (one of her neighbors has two very active border collies, Mel thought she would offer to take them with her while going on a run), helping her elderly downstairs neighbor with running some errands and reselling thrift store finds.
Her favorite side hustle though, is writing. She has already published three books before, one being a lengthy guide to the MCAT and USMLE step 1,2 and 3 (which sells pretty well) under her own name, and two raunchy romance novels, one being about two male best friends realizing their romantic feelings about each other, and the other being about two firefighters falling in love. These novels also sell pretty well, considering they were published 3 and 4 years ago, respectively. Mel wrote both of these books under a pseudonym, Regina Ellis.
It wouldn’t hurt to write another book. Mel would just have to think of what to write about. It is kind of a gamble, though, because you never know how much money you are going to make off a book before it’s published. But still, it’s nice to know that Becca would be able to receive the royalties for the rest of her life, along with the royalties from the rest of her books, if they stay in print and continue to sell.
That’s it. That’s the plan.
Even though Mel barely gets any sleep that night, she is wide awake and deep in her thoughts at work the next morning. She feels better, in a way. Less anxious but more jittery. Her frugality is already starling to show. Just this morning she decided to skip breakfast and instead just took a traveling mug of tea with her while she walked to work. She would usually take the bus, since it was the same bus Becca would take to the center the nights she stayed with her, but decided to save the money instead. She told Becca she just needed some fresh air before work, when she called, and that wasn’t totally wrong.
Frank had a day off today, so her plan to talk with him would have to wait until tomorrow. She has enough to think about already as is, so it’s not really an issue.
Deep in thought, Mel doesn’t even realize she stopped writing a patient’s chart before Dana walked over to her.
“Doin’ okay there, Mel? I haven’t seen you write anything in the last five minutes.” She drawls at her. Mel blinks a little owlishly, broken out of her stupor.
“Yeah, I’m okay, thank you for asking, I just have a lot-“ She cuts herself off when she notices Dana already turning around and starting to walk away while she is still talking. There is that feeling again in the pit of her stomach. That pinches and gnaws like a pair of shoes that don’t fit and it makes her throat burn. This is exactly what she was trying to get away from.
Mel blinks in realization.
She doesn’t have to put up with this. If she only has two years left, there is no need to spend those years catering to people that don’t really care about her. Trying to appease them and make them comfortable, at her own expense.
Before she can change her mind, Mel speaks up.
“Dana?” The charge nurse is already all the way over at the other side of the nurses’ station, but she turns around with a bored expression.
Mel doesn’t hold back.
“Why is it that you always ask me how I’m doing, but then never stay around to hear my answer? You don’t have to ask if you don’t care to know.” The words just stumble out of her mouth. Perlah and Princess stop their usual chatter from a few feet away and Dana’s expression turns stunned.
“I- oh… hun, I do care-“ Deciding to give her a taste of her own medicine, Mel closes down her chart and leaves to go check on her patient before Dana can stumble her way through an answer.
The walk home is nice. Mel truly isn’t too bothered by it. Taking the bus was never that great anyway. Quicker, yes, but also noisy and gross. Becca is staying at the center tonight, so she has the entire evening for herself. As much as Mel loves her sister, she is a little grateful. She needs more time to think, after all.
And she does just that while walking home. She mostly thinks about how nice it felt to tell Dana off. She also thought a little about how it wasn’t too nice to skip breakfast and then eat the cheapest protein bar available for lunch, but it would have to do for the next two years if she wanted to save as much money as possible. She was going to cook dinner when she got home anyway, so it wasn’t too bad. She still has two chicken breast she can eat for dinner for the next four days with some veggies and either some pasta or rice.
She will need to get better at grocery shopping too. Find the best deals, try couponing. Shopping for Becca wasn’t too difficult anyway, she would always choose some cheap frozen meal that she liked when she didn’t eat at the center.
Their Friday night tradition of eating out was still going to stand, Mel decided. If she was only going to be with her sister for another two years, she would at least try her best to spend some quality time with her. Even if that meant she would have to work a little harder.
She got to work the moment she got home. First, she cancelled all of their streaming services. They would just have to watch YouTube or use illegal streaming websites. Everyone does that anyway, right? Then she turned off her AC. Sure, it was late July and terribly hot outside, but Mel would just have to live with it. She would turn it on when Becca came over.
Then she meal prepped dinner for the next four days and made some chicken fried rice that tasted pretty good. She doesn’t mind eating the same thing multiple days in a row. After she ate her dinner, she portioned the rest into four Tupperware containers and put them in the fridge.
Then came the most daunting task: making her life insurance. This took many hours of comparing different insurance companies, and their different rates. Mel just needed the cheapest one that would give her the most money. It didn’t matter if it only lasted five years since she would only be here for two. In the end she found one that sounded promising, ten dollars a month and $350.000 in insurance money. 350.000 tax-free dollars going directly to Becca. Mel just needed to have an over the phone meeting with the insurance company to finally get started.
And lastly, Mel treated herself to a short, cold shower before going to bed, thinking about possible characters for her next book while she lets sleep take her away.
*
Going to work the next day is a little scary since it is officially day one of the ‘befriend Frank Langdon’ mission. The issue was that Mel didn’t really know how to get the ball rolling. It’s not like they weren’t talking at all, but it would most likely be about work. She just needs an opportunity for them to bond without it seeming weird.
She thought about the issue while walking to work yet again. How do you become friends with someone? The question nagged her for a long time. She had even googled it in middle school but came to the conclusion that google knows very little about real human connections after she tried to use one of the suggested conversation starters on Lisa Jenkins, who in return just made a grimace at her.
She did successfully make a breakthrough when she thought about it the other way around. What is it that would make me want to be friends with someone? What is it Langdon might be looking for? She knows what she would want: someone who listens and someone who shares. She could do that. This might be a good idea. Mel has definitely seen the way many of their colleagues dodge him whenever they see him, well, mostly Robby, but it was also something the other young doctors and interns did. She might just have to hold back on the sharing part though, she knows she sometimes blabber on and on. Mel was made crudely aware of this the many times Santos outright told her.
Today might have been her lucky day, because her first case of the day was to help suture and/or clean hundreds of tiny cuts on an unconscious man who fell off his patio and into a rosebush with Langdon.
Mel is already sitting with her tray of instruments when he drops down heavily onto his stool on the opposite side of the patient. Mel doesn’t even need to wrack her brain to think of something to say because Langdon beats her to it.
“So, what are you in for?” He says with a sigh. Mel scrounges her brows in confusion.
“What?” Frank looks up from where he was cleaning a cut with an alcohol swap.
“Well, this is definitely not the job for an R3 and an R4, so you must have done something to make Dana mad at you for her to give you this patient with me. I know why I’m here. I accidently knocked her coffee over into her open tin of mints 15 minutes ago. I just don’t know why you are here.”
Mel’s shoulders tense slightly, but she gets back to her stitching.
“I think I just kinda got on her bad side yesterday. I told her off about something.” She leaves the ending purposefully open to egg him on. Make him keep the conversation going. He takes the bait.
Mel looks up briefly to see concern written across his face.
“What happened, Mel?” He says in a gentle tone. She sighs slightly.
“It’s just… oh it doesn’t matter, Perlah and Princess already know, so everyone probably already knows. I called Dana out on being rude to me and leaving mid conversation when it was her who initiated it in the first place. Asking me if I’m okay but not staying to hear the answer.” She looks to see his reaction. The concern is still there.
“Well, I’m glad you did that. You put up with way more shit than you have to. I may not have been back for that long, but I notice it. It’s good you are standing up for yourself. I think Dana’s just getting tired of this fucking circus. And that’s not an excuse for her behavior, just an explanation.” He says. Mel takes out a clean alcohol swap.
“It felt good to say something. I have never done that before. I do maybe also feel a little bad. Maybe I was too harsh. I don’t like having anyone disliking me.” That part was true enough. It went against everything in Mel’s nature to act as she did yesterday. Even dreamt about it last night. She dreamt that things had escalated even more. That she overreacted and started truly insulting Dana. Making her cry, getting in her face and needing to be escorted out by security. She would never do that. Mel might be miserable, but she was not looking to make anyone feel the same way she does.
Langdon lets out a small laugh and shakes his head.
“I don’t think anyone could ever dislike you.”
She makes a grimace.
“You would be surprised, Dr. Langdon.” He pauses slightly.
“Please, Mel, just call me Frank or at least just Langdon. If you don’t, I’m just going to call you Dr. King.” He whines. She grins.
“Most of the other doctors call you Dr. Langdon. Why am I any different?”
Frank huffs with faux annoyance.
“Because we are friends.”
Something stills inside her. This is it.
“I will try my best. Can’t promise anything though.” She teases.
The quiet conversation continues until they finish treating the patient.
*
The rest of the day is pretty smooth sailing. The only negatives being her grumbling stomach and needing to avoid Dana. Even so, it’s not too bad. Well it wasn’t until her last patient of the day.
A young woman came in via ambulance, her husband hot on her tail. She had been in a car crash. Hit by a semi. There wasn’t really anything to do. Her neck was broken and her spinal cord severed. They just had to call it.
The husband didn’t like that.
Overcome with grief and anger, he had gone straight up to Mel and gripped her by the shoulders and started shaking her back and forth. Calling her lazy. Incompetent. Murderer.
She was first able to get free when Ahmad came over and pulled the man away.
What a horrible end to an otherwise pretty great day.
Exhaustion burned in her eyes, and her stomach twists painfully. All she wants to do is to go to bed, but there is so much more that needs to be done first. The book, first and foremost. She turned to leave for her locker when Frank called out to her.
“Are you okay, Mel?”
The real concern in his voice is the final straw. Mel turns away from him so she can’t see the tears start to well in her eyes.
“Yeah, thanks. I just need a minute. See you tomorrow, Frank.” She says before hurrying out to her locker.
She knows it might be best not to brush him off like that, she should engage in conversation, but she is just so tired and starving.
It is first when she faces her locker that she allows to let the tears fall. Shoulders quake slightly while she shoves her stuff into her bag.
“God, melanoma, do the water works ever stop?” a voice drawls behind her. Mel stiffens slightly. It’s Santos. Of course it is. Can she never just catch a break?
Mel wants to tell her to leave her alone. To go away. Tell her off like she did Dana. But she is just so tired and emotionally drained. She ends up just slamming her locker close and giving the R2 a firm grimace.
“Have a good night, Dr. Santos.”
*
Normally after a day like this, Mel would wallow and overthink. Go home and cry some more about the last patient and Santos. She doesn’t have time for that tonight, so she tries her best to push all of those thoughts away and focusses on the book instead.
The book is kind of an issue. Mel has no idea what to write about. Probably something gay. That’s what sells the most, romance novel vise. In her previous books, Mel would have to dedicate many, many hours to research since she would write about workplaces she knew very little about. She wanted it to be factually correct, so readers in those professions would only be able point out minor mistakes. But Mel did not have time for all of that research, she just needed to write.
The solution to this was simple: just write about her own profession. Write a gay love story that takes place in a hospital. Between two doctors, maybe. Okay, now she’s getting somewhere.
An image flashes in her head from earlier that day, where she overheard Santos teasing Whitaker for missing Dr. Robby, since he wasn’t on shift today. That’s it. Dennis Whitaker and Michael Robinavitch. Some secret, hospital romance between the head attending and a med student. Okay, Whitaker might be a R1 now, but that doesn’t matter. And she would obviously not use their names or have it placed in Pittsburgh. The only downside was that she would have to write sex scenes about the two men who she knows personally, but she would just have to soldier through it. Do it for the money. Whitaker did also owe her 25 bucks (he keeps stealing her pens and notebooks), so in a way, she was just making that money back. Problem solved.
After quickly scarfing down her leftovers from yesterday, Mel went over to her neighbor, Shelley, to take her dogs with her for a run. Shelley had thankfully agreed to pay her 10 dollars each time she took the dogs out to run for at least 30 minutes. Mel liked the exercise anyway, so it was a win-win situation.
After getting home from the run and taking a shower, Mel got to work on the book. She got to write the overall story line, do a little character work, and set up the story for her to start writing the next day. It was uncertain how much she would be able to write tomorrow, though, since it was Friday and Becca would come to stay over.
That night, as she lies in bed, she sees the woman with the broken neck stand at the foot of her bed, body twisted in unnatural ways. Mel just closed her eyes and pretended she wasn’t there until her alarm went off the following morning.