Chapter Text
Baran was sitting in her car, the cold air from AC biting her clammy skin. She could vaguely hear the sounds of the fireworks outside. She leaned back in her seat, her hands gripping the steering wheel so tight that her knuckles turned white.
YOU ARE NOT CAPABLE TO RUN THE ER AND YOU DAMN KNOW IT.
She could hear Robby’s harsh, but true words in the back of her mind. One part of her brain wanted to ignore it, to prove to everyone that she could work and that she was indeed capable of running the ER. However, the logical part of her brain knew that he was right, she knew that she couldn’t work as long as she had seizures, she had been through this before.
People would tell her to just accept it, report herself and do the work and she could come back. People made it sound like it was easy, as if you just press a button in your brain and accept the fact that this is your fate.
She shook her head, as her hands moved to the on/off switch of the engine. She hesitated, debating if she was gonna drive or not. She touched the button, feeling the texture on her skin.
Her mind was racing, she felt like she was hanging between two sides, one emotional and the other rational. She knew she needed to snap out of it but she couldn’t until she heard the notification tone of her phone. As she reached for it and unlocked it a smile formed on her face as she read her daughter’s message.
It was a simple picture of her sixteen year old daughter sitting crosslegged on a towel, their favorite book open in her lap.
Somehow this picture made something click in Baran’s brain. If she would drive now she risked getting another seizure and she could bring harm to herself or others. As her mind slowly processed this thought, tears welled up in her eyes. She never wanted to be the reason her daughter, the light of her life, lost her mom.
She pulled her hand away, placing them in her lap as she inhaled sharply.
تو خوب خواهی شد
She breathed out slowly before opening the car door and stepping out. She reached for her bag and the other stuff and locked the door behind her.
After taking another deep breath she started walking towards the house her daughter was staying at.
The walk to the friend’s home was around ten minutes. The sound of an persian podcast reached her ears as Baran stared into space. She tried to distract herself by listening to a podcast, hoping it would work out this time.
As she reached the house, she stopped and looked at the decoration. She shook her head when she saw the hologram fireworks that were projected on the stones.
It doesn’t even look good. she thought as she walked towards the door.
Her hand rested over the doorbell. She was about to take her daughter away from a friend’s house after urging her to make new friends after moving here two weeks ago.
She could hear a small voice in the back of her head, the voice that told her that she was an asshole for taking her daughter away from her friends house simply because she needed her.
Baran shook her head, breathed in and pressed the doorbell. The typical doorbell sound reached her ears and a minute later the door opened. A blonde woman in her early 20’ies opened the door.
‘’Miss Al-Hashimi! What are you doing here? I thought Zahra was staying over!’’ the woman said excitedly. ‘’Can I talk to her for a second, it is kind of important,’’ Baran smiled as the woman nodded. ‘’Let me get her, we were doing make up for making a video!’’ the woman said as Baran nodded.
The door was pulled close, leaving Baran standing outside in the dark. Seconds later the door opened again and Zahra looked at her mom.
The teen could see the look in her mom’s eyes. She could see the tearmarks that still stained Baran’s cheeks.
‘’Hi Azize Delam,’ Baran said as she felt her daughter's arms being wrapped around her.
‘’You okay?’’ Zahra asked as she placed her head on her moms chest. Baran didn’t answer, instead she buried her face in her daughter’s hair.
The two of them stood in silence for a couple of minutes. Baran breathing in the scent of her daughter’s shampoo.
‘’Bad first day at work?’’ Zahra asked as Baran simply nodded. She didn’t wanna tell her daughter everything that happened. Zahra looked up, their brown eyes locking. ‘’Can we go home together and watch the fireworks,’’ Zahra asked as Baran cupped her daughter’s face in her hands, glancing at the house behind them before looking back.
‘’I thought you were spending time with your new friend?’’’ Baran whispered. All she wanted was to spend time with her daughter, watch the fireworks together and just not have to be alone with her thoughts but she also knew that her daughter needed time with her friends instead of spending it all with her forty year old mom.
‘’Don’t tell them but I’m just not feeling their vibe, I mean they are fun but the mom is some wanna be influencer and her excitement is so overwhelming,’’’ Zahra whispered as Baran placed a kiss on top of her daughter’s hair. ‘’Go grab your stuff and say goodbye, after that we will go home and do whatever we want,’’ Baran nodded as she watched Zahra let go of her and walk back inside.
Not even ten minutes later the two of them were walking back to the hospital parking lot.
Baran didn’t know how to tell her daughter she couldn’t drive because of her seizures being back. She was gonna tell her daughter but she needed to figure out how, not only for her daughters sake but more for her own.
When they entered the hospital parking lot, the sounds of fireworks were still going, flashes of light coloured the dark blue sky.
‘’If I drive does it mean I can choose the music? خواهش میکنم?’’ her daughter asked as Baran took the keys out of her pocket and held them in her hand for a minute. She looked at it, her mind racing with thoughts for a hot second before she snapped out of it and threw the keys towards her daughter. ‘’Fine but please not the song that will be stuck in both of our heads for weeks, I just got the other one out of my head!’’ Baran said, for the first time since her confrontation with Robby a genuine smile appeared on her face.
‘’Fine, I won’t play, it's a small world then!’’ her daughter said as she inspected the keys in her hand.
They sat down in the car two minutes later, Zahra was scrolling through her very long list of playlists when there was a knock on the passenger seat window. Baran looked up, muttering something in Farsi when she saw Robby’s face.
‘’What do you need?’’’ she sighed, her voice tired and laced with annoyance.
‘’I hope you are not driving with the seizures you are having Al-Hashimi,’’ Micheal said as Baran looked at him before letting out a laugh. ‘’I am in the fucking passenger seat, watching my daughter, who is in the fucking driversseat, pick out a playlist. How much clearer do you want it to be that I am not driving!’ Baran said as she looked at Robby.
‘’Also thanks for being discreet about my seizures,’’ she joked as she watched her daughter start the car and drove away, leaving Robby behind.
The drive home was filled with the sound of Zahra softly singing along to the music, Baran’s head was resting against the window, the city lights flashing as they finally drove home.
Zahra parked the car in their reserved parking spot when they arrived at their apartment complex. ‘’مامان wanna talk about what happened today at work?’’ Zahra asked as Baran didn’t answer, tears welling up in her eyes as she let out a sob.
She hated that Robby basically spilled the whole thing. She hated that she couldn’t tell her own daughter herself simply because she was still figuring out how to tell her.
She could feel her daughter’s hand on her leg. ‘’Is this why you picked me up?’’ Zahra asked, her voice soft.
Baran just nodded, as she turned her head towards her daughter. ‘’I had two seizures today, I don’t know why they are back but I promise I am figuring it out,’’ Baran said, her voice cracking as she spoke.
Zahra didn’t say anything, she just turned off the car and placed her head on her mom’s shoulder. The car was filled with silence, just the two of them breathing.
‘’I am gonna self report to the administration and hand in my drivers license.’’ Baran whispered as she knew that it was not only the right thing to do but it was also to prove to herself that she was not letting a man take her control of this away too.
‘’دوستت دارم مامان.,’’ Zahra whispered as Baran, who had started playing with Zahra’s curls smiled softly, lowering her head as she whispered something into her daughter’s ear.
‘’Wanna watch the fireworks? I think the final part of that big show is starting soon,’’ Baran smiled a couple minutes later as she opened the car door.
The two of them stepped out of the car and made their way up to their apartment.
When they entered the apartment, Baran flicked on the cozy lights and turned on the radio that started playing the soft persian music from the CD that was in it.
Baran leaned against the wall next to the door, she watched her daughter sit down in front of the window and admire the fireworks that were still going off outside.
You will be okay. She thought as she walked over and sat down next to her daughter.
She felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. She turned her head sideways to look at it, a soft smile formed on her face when she saw the message from Trinity, sending her a picture of the bar she recommended.
Trinity.
‘’This bar is way better, thanks robodoc!’’