Chapter Text
The trees move around the freezing wind, with a cloudy sky on top. She missed the color of the leaves in Hawkins. The flowers that stain the grass around the cabin. The colder weather and less sunny streets. The feeling of belonging in a familiar space. Somewhere that feels warm even with her eyes closed.
Her hometown —she thinks about it just like everyone else, even if it stings her heart a little— has lost its usual vivid life. Tiny squirrels don’t come by too often. She hasn’t seen any deer since coming back, seven months ago. The green that surrounded her turned yellow, she would say even greyish. The stars in the night seem to have grown shy with her, and even if Hopper says they hadn’t left, they aren’t the same. They lack shimmer, they lack their usual pattern.
Or maybe it’s just her seeing things differently.
That seems to be the case with many things, she has realized. She has too much free time, even with her intense training that started some months ago.
She barely can get out of the cabin. She can only spend time in the woods. And not even too far away. At least this time she isn’t alone in complete isolation, and her loved ones know about her. They know she’s alive, they know who she’s staying with and where, but more importantly, they know they can come by from time to time. A little chat never hurts. A little walk or rest in the wild always cheers her up if she has someone by her side. It makes her sad that they’d never been able to fully plan a hangout, never with more than three people, but she is grateful for the company either way.
Too many cars, or too many bikes going to this side of the woods could drive unwanted attention from the men with guns that locked down her town. The same ones that do not let people enter, leave, nor rest without a hunting fear.
She can’t even communicate with her friends like she used to back in Lenora. With a phone in her hand, or a piece of paper in her fingers that flew through states. In that sense, it used to be nicer. The life in California. Even with the weird looks from her classmates, the mean words from the mouthbreathers, or the weird feeling she got in the shared spaces of the old house. Talking with Mike, Lucas, Dustin and Max more constantly than now was better —even if it never felt enough—. She also had Will right by her side everyday.
Well, except for the weeks he had to lock up inside of his room and the only way for them to talk was through a door.
‘Omega things’, Joyce had told her the first time it happened. Not too far late from Will’s strange week, came Jonathan’s. And a few later, Joyce’s herself.
Everyone in the Byers family had a second gender. They were all Omegas. The last one to present was Will himself on a week day, just about to leave for their school in that far away town.
She had heard about it with Hopper years ago, the tall grumpy man being an Alpha himself, but she never saw him having to lock himself up in his room, so it all became news to her. New knowledge she had to learn. Apparently, Omegas had long heats, and Alphas had ruts that lasted just a couple days, but if they took the right pills it was partially skipped.
Some effects were almost impossible to stop. For Omegas was the running fever or maybe even sweating a little too much. For the Alphas it was their ruthless behavior and their increase in violence, either just in arguing or physically. For both cases was the increase in the intensity of their smell.
She didn't like how all of it sounded —too impulsive, too animalistic. No control whatsoever—, so a part of her felt relieved of not being like them, after hearing all the trouble they had to go through. It was too much and she had enough with her powers already.
Another part of her couldn' t help but feel curious. She was just a Beta, so she doesn’t have those issues, thankfully. But she also misses out on the smells of Alphas and Omegas.
She can identify soft breezes when Hopper just woke up, or hasn't yet shower after a long day under the sun. Like the cigarettes that tarnishes every wall, and the bitter sweetness of the darkest type of chocolate she has never tried when he raises his voice towards her. It’s very subtle, but it’s there.
What she didn't know was a third component to her father’s scent. Melted butter.
“Oh, don’t worry, honey. Everyone has a third, but it comes and goes. It really depends on our mood.” She remembers Joyce brushing her disappointment off. But if she has missed out on Hopper’s scent, who else’s too? Mike 's? Will 's? Max 's? Joyce 's even? All because she was born as a simple Beta.
But not even that is true. She will never know if she could have had a second gender like everyone else. In her time in the lab —the closest she will ever get to a lock down for a week or for a few days. For her it was twelve years—, part of it all, above gaining abilities that make her nose hurt and cry red, was stripping any possibility of obtaining what could have been her other category.
She will remain as a Beta for the rest of her life, always curious about what could have been —she worries too much about that anyways. What could have happened if she never got out of that painted white hell? What if Mike had never found her in the woods, dripping water under a yellow shirt? What if ‘it’ got to her instead of—?
She always stops herself before going too far into that part of her brain. Sometimes forgetting is better, she realized with Henry’s betrayal.
Being able to perceive scents stronger also meant changes in their bodies and also in their mindsets. Society lives through second genders in passive ways. Those particular rules aren’t written on the walls, but most people follow them anyway, like an invisible line that most fall into.
Alphas usually date Omegas. They are able to mate each other for a lifetime; an unbreakable promise between a man and a woman that love each other very dearly, sealed on the Omega's scent gland, between their throat and shoulder. They can fulfill each other's needs that only people with a second gender can comprehend. Not people like her. Not Betas like her.
She doesn’t have a scent gland so she doesn’t have any special odor, she doesn’t have an inner wolf whispering to her about finding a mate, and she for sure does not have a voice that can make commands no one can deny. She just has a regular nose that picks up things when they are way too much, a scent that is only gained with tons of perfume, and a quiet voice people only listen to when someone else is in danger.
So she wonders. She wonders if Mike ever feels unfulfilled with their relationship. Because even if she isn't an Omega, she surely felt that way when the Alpha couldn't say that he loved her. She still feels a little hurt that the only way he could say it to her was when the world was about to end, when her life was about to end. And with an Omega patting his back.
But he said what she wanted to hear so desperately, so she should be happy. She should be satisfied by now, right?
She would be if he had continued saying it. She would be if that one time she heard it directly to her wasn't in a pizza freezer. She would be if Mike could greet her with a kiss every time they see each other now. She would be if he said he loves her back when she says goodbye to him when he comes to see her.
A coordinated knock made her jump out of her mind, almost dropping the container full of purple glitter on her desk. “Dinner’s ready.” Hopper’s voice was loud and quite cheerful. Earlier today Joyce came to have lunch with them, helping her train while having the clock in between her fingers. Later, when she was too sweaty and exhausted for her dad to let her continue, she took a long shower and dropped herself on her chair to finish some of the crafts she had thought she could do.
Will brings her some materials when he can, like brushes and watercolours or ornate markers. The last thing he brought to her was two glitter containers, before Halloween. “I know you like purple, and well—” his voice dropped a little, like it was hard to breathe. That day the clouds were particularly dark, and to see clearly through the early fog you had to squeeze your eyes a bit. “Mike likes blue.” He shrugged, letting the words dry out.
Will has always been a very attentive person —back in Lenora she started calling him brother. She doesn't know if it was all part of the play for high-school they had to keep up, just like the name ‘Jane’, or if it came from honest care. She doesn't know a lot of things about her and how she feels about others—, so it does not surprise her that he remembered her wanting to create little letters to Mike. In Lenora it was easy to put her day in the paper —it didn't matter that some things weren't true. Writing wasn't as hard as talking through the phone— so it should be easy here too, but the markers were running down and the watercolors were too hard to use.
She doesn't say anything about her lack of knowledge on Mike's favorite color. She keeps it to herself, as if she has always known. A good girlfriend should know many things about her boyfriend. She remembers Max knowing every favorite food Lucas had, and she talked about his favorite movie with such care, her pretend annoyance at being forced to watch it fell in a matter of seconds.
She wonders if Max knew all of those things because she's an Omega, and Lucas an Alpha. The perfect couple considering the life many follow. Lucas parent's, for example. Joyce and Hopper, too.
She wonders if Max, thanks to her second gender, can feel Mike's full scent, unlike a Beta. Unlike her.
She stands up from her chair, letting the glitter dots from her fingers fall with her as she walks, and letting it spread among her door when she opens it, too tired to even use her powers. She needs to focus on something else. Her last thought just made her a little gloomy.
“Mike and Will are coming on Friday to see you.” Hopper while cutting up his steak talked again, after he smiled about Joyce finding endearing how much hair he has grown so far. They were the same, her dad and her, both with parts of them stripped that showed up on the top of their heads. He didn't fully mind his new buzzcut, she missed her bangs.
“Joyce told you that?” She lights up a little at the thought of seeing Mike again. He couldn't arrive last Monday, he said something about his younger sister wanting to go out with him —she understands she's a kid and with the town split in red lights it's not the best idea for any young person to walk alone, but Holly sees him everyday, they live under the same roof! She does not have that much luck— so if he's trying to make up for the lost time, it's working already.
They haven't seen each other since that day, after all…
She'll hurry up with her letter so it'll be ready when Mike comes, and he'll kiss her as a way to thank her. In movies men always do that with their girlfriends, so she's sure it'll happen. Maybe they can have one of those afternoons where one kiss turns into two, and two turn into three until they lose count. She wants to giggle at the idea, but it quickly turns bitter because she doesn't remember the last time they had one of those fun days. Those days were words were too boring and conversation too tedious to keep up with —her boyfriend is quite the talker—. Maybe three months ago? Maybe even further.
“Mike and Will?” She's very careful with the tone of her voice. She keeps it soft and relaxed, even if the bitterness grew until the fries she just swallowed made big turns in her stomach. Every time Mike comes with Will, they barely have alone time. She remembers how they used to get plenty of days when Mike went to see her in this very same cabin. A little younger than they are now, a little more breathless when he dropped from his bike than when he does it now.
Lucas, last time they saw each other, like two or three weeks ago, mentioned Max’s lack of progress and something about Mike working out. Not as much as him —he laughed a lot at that, especially when he talked about the long limbs her boyfriend carried around—, but that he started a couple months back. “Everyone has to be ready for whatever happens, so I'm glad he’s doing it. His height is going to help him a lot too.” She doesn't get the need though. Why would Mike need to get stronger, when she has powers? Does he feel that her abilities won't be enough? Is everyone getting stronger because of that same mindset?
Nancy comes sometimes to the open parts of the wood, to practice her shoot, alongside Jonathan and even Robin. They have quick conversations with her —mainly a ‘Hello, El’ and ‘How you've been?’ and ‘Goodbye’ when the sun is leaving the sky—, but they all turn into long sophisticated ones with Hopper she doesn’t pay the mind to, if they manage to see them. Jonathan says it's better to alter the places they practice, so they mostly go to the Squawk. El has just gone twice, using the tunnels as a transport.
Nancy is a great shooter, she really seems to know what she’s doing. Her strong and consistent confidence makes her a great Alpha, even if she’s a girl —it’s not very common to see them in movies; she can’t even name one and it hits her the wrong way. They are all Omegas behind the TV; no one like Nancy, and no one like her—, so why is Mike working out if his sister can shoot so well and his girlfriend is the superhero he always brags about?
Even Jonathan has his own workout now, she has seen him doing planks alongside her father —even if he’s an Omega, he keeps up pretty well— and other things she doesn't know the name of. Maybe Lucas can recognize every single one. Maybe Mike can do it now too.
Is Dustin also getting stronger, considering he’s a Beta like her? Is Will, considering he’s an Omega like Jonathan?
She doesn’t like the feeling that grows in her heart, almost like the spines of the inexistent roses that Mike has never gifted to her are appearing out of nowhere. She doesn’t want to care about things like this, things that only make her have more doubts about what she is capable of. She just doesn't get it— Maybe she can try to understand Lucas, because of Max's current condition, and because they are Alpha and Omega. But why Mike? He has no one to protect, like Lucas does, does he?
In the back of her head she hears Dustin's last words (he’s the one that she sees the least), tiredness and frustration blend in not just with his moves, but his entire soul. “I worry so much about my friends that I get mad at myself, and then everyone else— I hate the idea of losing more people I love. I know I'm not the only one.” When they've seen each other it is usually with no other member of their friend group. She has seen the growing tension, but doesn't know what to do with it, because it is growing around her too.
“We all worry.” She remembered saying back to him, sitting on the stairs at the front of the cabin.
“Yeah. At least I know you have Hopper, and Will has Mike, and...” She knows he continued, something about Steve and Robin, but her head didn’t process past that pair.
That pair that since they started living together have grown closer than she has ever seen. So close is impossible not to notice. So unfamiliarly close to her eyes that she feels left out, when she remembers provoking that very same thing to someone else, so she won't be the one lingering in the shadows.
The worst part was that it's so normally close to every other person that knew them earlier, she had to get used to comments like “I'm so glad they got their shit together, y'know? Seeing them being themselves makes me worry a little less.”, from Dustin. “They've always been like glue and paper! Since they are little five year old babies.”, from Joyce. “I don't need to ask where Will is anymore, because I just know Mike is hovering by his side.”, from Lucas.
She doesn’t know why. She really doesn’t. She also knows it is because she doesn’t let herself do so. Connecting some dots isn’t too complicated—
Don’t think about it too hard. Don't do it. Just forget.
“Yeah, they’re coming after school.” Hopper saves her from her own mind, just like so many times before. He always gets a little grumpy when Mike is a conversation topic, so they don’t go deeper on it.
She mentally focuses just on her boyfriend for the rest of the dinner —and only on her boyfriend—, when the quietness and exhaustion bears their bones. She can almost picture Mike’s lips saying “Thank you, El.” and a second later he’s pressing them down on hers.
Just forget.
────୨ৎ────
Even though Hopper never completely specified the time Mike was going to arrive. She feels she has been waiting for way too long.
She showered already and put on a grey shirt with white dots on it, and long light jeans. She bathed herself in her floral perfume —so Mike can sense something coming from her— and yesterday she painted her nails blue. They are a little chipped because of her training from earlier, but she hopes the thought counts.
She is outside of the cabin, pacing around and looking at a bird nest from a close tree. A bigger pigeon is feeding her little pigeons. A mother and her children. She pursed her lips visualising her own mother —Mama, as she once called her—, rocking on a chair, spelling words that only make sense to them, with a messy ponytail and dry lips.
She always gets sad when she thinks about her. About her mom and her aunt in a far away house, a little too far from the cities and other towns. They probably would understand the feeling of being isolated from your loved ones.
She doesn’t even know if they have other loved ones above each other.
Just forget.
She then thinks again about the bird and her children. She knows Alphas and Omegas can mate to form a pack of their own. Children of their own. Would Mike want that? Would he want to form a pack? A pack with her? A pack with their children, even if she’s a Beta?
She doesn’t know how she feels about it, and she doesn't really let herself think too much because Mike arrives on his bike. He’s not alone, obviously she knew Will was going to come too.
But she didn't know they were going to share bikes.
Will has his arms around Mike’s middle, while they talk and laugh without even seeing her first. Like they are in their own little world. Mike on the front, driving way more confidently than when he did with her, only with one hand on the handlebars while the other rested on top of Will’s wrist.
When he finally looks up to her, it's when they’re already slowing down.
Will jumped off first, with a thick sweater on top of his spiderman shirt. A thick sweater that looks a little too long for him. He came closer to her first with a big smile on his lips just like he always greets her.
For some reason she can't name, she talks before he even says hi, making his lighten up face shake a bit. “Why were you and Mike on the same bike?” His eyebrows flew to the top of his head, and a little tilt of the same seemed as a failed attempt to hide his embarrassment —it should be guilt—.
She felt oddly better when he struggled to answer back. “The bike that I use broke its tire on the way to school.” He tugged on the end of his sleeves. “It happened this morning.”
So this isn't a current thing between Mike and Will. It's just a thing between her and Mike, and all this trouble is just an exception because Mike is a good friend. Yeah, it's just that. Of course it is just that!
Her insides go less warm, and she finally hugs Will like he probably intended to do. She always has liked his hugs, because it feels like he hangs on the other person's frame so hard, almost like she might disappear.
This time isn't like always thought. He was caught off guard for a few seconds by the act. But he quickly puts the same arms that were previously on Mike on her shoulder blades, like the seconds he froze like ice on the freezer didn’t happen at all. She steps on the thought and tries to not let an eye roll escape when she sees Mike standing awkwardly by their side.
She lets go first, just like usual, and runs to Mike.
“I missed you.” She rested her cheek on one side of her boyfriend's chest. She almost looks up with a frown when Mike takes too long to wrap her around with his long arms.
If he is really working out, will it show like Lucas? Like those big muscles he has? She almost laughs, because she can't even imagine it.
“Missed you too.” She hears and finally relaxes in her boyfriend's arms. She tries to sniff a little closer to his neck, to see if he smells like something. Just a subtle scent is enough for her, considering her lack of second gender. The few times she has felt a bit before, is just full of coffee.
“Why do you smell like lavender?” She didn't let go just yet, but she did connect their eyes. Or tried at least, because as soon as she sees him, he's looking everywhere else but her. She huffs at that. “Only the Byers smell that way.”
“How do you know? You're a Beta.” That hurts a little more than she expected to. It only makes her voice sharper.
“I lived with them for months.”
“I'm living with them right now.” And to that unfortunately she can't argue, so even if it makes her eyes twitch, she smiles and softly laughs —it comes out way too fake, and with Mike's face it is obvious he caught on to her play— while turning around, not looking at Will.
“I have something for you.” She knows how to change the subject quickly though.
“Yeah? Well, I think we need—” She hears their footsteps creak the wooden stairs, just behind her, but stops her boyfriend's talk with a loud noise.
“Mhm.” She smiles and takes his hand. “Can you wait here, Will?” And even before he can answer, the door flies open and she drags Mike inside. He doesn't listen to his annoyed talk about how rude it is leaving Will behind. About how she's being ridiculous. About how she just cannot treat him that way.
So she does the natural thing to shut him up. She kisses him hard on the lips and closes the front door with her mind while he can't look back.
Hopper is in the living room while it all happens, so the puff of air that goes out of his mouth goes completely ignored by her.
“Wait, but Will—” She doesn’t let him finish, she doesn’t want to hear anything that comes out of his lips that isn’t what she already planned in her mind, so she tugs him with enough force that back when they were younger he would have tripped. He just followed along this time, still making things fly out of his mouth that only sound like excuses to not be in a room alone with his girlfriend.
She presses her fingers in his arm harder and if he whines, it mixes up with the noise she has already blocked out.
Inside her room, —it’s pretty clean, just a few red markers lying on her desk— she lets him go. Then with the paper in between her hands she looked up at him, but her enthusiasm fell a little when she was met with a frown. “He came here to see you, y'know?” She blinks twice, letting her actions and his tone run in her mind.
“I know that.”
“Doesn’t seem like it.” She bit her lip, looking down. The guilt slowly climbed her figure. The day outside isn’t as sunny as she would have liked —it’s always a little cloudy since the town split down in four. Since she failed to protect her friends, the sky follows her usual mood. Gloomy—, but Will won’t get cold, right? They won't take too long.
“He can enter if he wants.”
“Jeez, Eleven, you lived with him for months, right? Don’t you know him? He won’t enter if you literally deny it because—”
“I did not deny anything—”
“—he’s not like you.”
The envelope in between her fingers cracks a little when her knuckles slowly turn white. “What is that supposed to mean?”
“I— You know— You just do whatever you want even if someone told you not to.” He doesn't trip on his own words because of amusement or nervousness. He trips because he's mad.
And she hates when he’s mad.
“You are that way too.”
“I don't get myself and others in danger for dumb shit. You know that.”
She rolls her eyes, crossing her arms. The glittery paper with a big ‘Mike + El = Forever’ in the middle, surrounded by hearts gets forgotten. She doesn’t even feel it sliding down her hand. Mike doesn’t even give it a glance. “Is this really about what happened on Halloween?”
“I wasn't angry when I arrived, but I did want to talk to you about it. But now Will is outside and it's the middle of fucking November.” He turned around, leaving her with a gasp falling out of her like he just punched her right in her gut.
Being so lost with the calendar was a regular thing for her by now. She always had trouble remembering what number of the month they're in, that's why it is easier to just count everyday as one big month —she tells herself that, but she doesn't even know if it's true. She doesn't even try the other way. The way everyone else does it—.
She completely forgot it was November.
At least it's past the sixth she sees in the calendar forgotten on her wall, past that day, because if not Mike probably wouldn’t have come to see her. This month is hard for everyone, but especially for Will.
She feels a little jealous that every friend of hers, every loved one, is focused on his disappearance from years ago, instead of her finally being able to get free from the bad men that kept her in the lab. That very same day.
She remembers Mike’s words from seven months ago. ‘My life started the day I met you in the woods.’.
She feels a little less heavy now. He's just being paranoid. Losing a best friend is hard, she knows that now with Max. But Will never died, he just went missing because she opened his door.
Just forget.
Just forget!
But it's hard to do so when her own imagination is killing her. When her own mind is against her. It's easy to picture Will —her brother, she reminds herself to feel even worse— outside, trembling and maybe even crying, like he usually does. Something eats her throat. It’s heavy and dark and not sunny like she wished the day outside was. It makes her want to tug her hair in frustration.
She is so stupid. She needs to apologize.
She can even taste the little coffee beads that turned bitter on her room. Like their past expiration date. She can't consume them anymore.
Maybe she never could.
She wonders if her room made them that way —why is she thinking that? She knows it's because of what she did—. Her room is full of things she doesn’t even know if she truly likes. She just assumes she enjoys them because everything is better than standing on the window for too long, looking outside just because you can barely touch past the grass.
She needs to get out of these four walls, before the very subtle scent of her boyfriend's mood gets to her brain.
But the image she sees the moment she steps out makes her want to throw up the lunch she had earlier. Makes her eyes glow in a dangerous red. Her teeth hurt. Her jaw hurts.
Her heart hurts.
Will is inside the cabin, facing her boyfriend with his eyes locked on the floor below. He seems to be biting his cheek. Hopper is right at the closed front door, with his arms crossed on top of his chest, looking at the pair with eyes she has never seen directed to her and Mike.
The worst part of what she sees is Mike.
Mike, her boyfriend, trying to lock eyes with Will, bending down so they'll be at the same level, with his hands cupping Will’s. Probably because of the cold outside. Probably because Will shouldn't be left alone in the woods at this time of the year. Probably because Will has Mike, as Dustin had said.
Will trying his hardest to avoid Mike’s worry, saying “It's fine” over and over again, but still letting him be unnecessarily close, feels so… intimate. So intimate she wants to scream.
Do they ever act that way? Mike and her?
Why is her boyfriend so on Will today? Is this just because of November? Or is this what everyone has told her already, warned her, about that pair?
Will is the first to look at her, right in the eyes, and the feeling in her body that weaves her down is back. But as fast as it came, it also goes, because she remembers what she's seeing when Will lets go of Mike's touch like it burned.
Mike rests one of his hands on his best friend's shoulder anyway, gripping so hard that the fabric of the sweater pulls up. Like if he doesn't touch him right now something bad will happen.
And by the way he's looking at her, with so much anger and frustration, she knows he thinks she is the danger.
And she can't have that. Not in front of everyone, and not again. Halloween was enough. Rink-o-mania was enough! With Lucas it was enough!
The afternoon of Halloween she just wanted to have fun, like every other teenager. Like every other human being.
She couldn't do it last year, because the girls in Lenora looked at her like she was dumb when she asked a random long haired girl what she was going to dress up as. Will told her then, after her tears dried out, that people their age don’t dress up anymore. Not too sophisticated anyways. Just a plain dress and animal ears was enough.
But for that you needed to be invited to a party. A party the cool kids in her class planned with weeks of anticipation. Cool kids like Angela. Will and her never had those opportunities.
They had a movie night that day instead. She didn’t know what animal her ears could be like, so she asked Will if they both could be bunnies. He made both of their headbands in under an hour.
The movies were boring, with too much horror and blood that it all reminded her how much she was stained with it. Maybe that's why she sees red when she gets angry.
They ended up watching a princess movie instead. Cinderella.
The years prior she never got a proper Halloween. So she thought this year could have been different. With Mike by her side, even if she had to dress up as a ghost to hide her face, she could do it. She could have fun.
So after lying to Hopper about being too tired to keep watching his favorite show, she closed her room as quietly as possible. After grabbing an old white blanket —it was more grey than anything—, she jumped out of her window and walked for as long as needed, until she found the street she saw Mike was in.
Not too far from his own house —juts a couple blocks away—, so it was pretty easy to find his short messy curls under the moonlight. She learned the path someday in the past in her mind, and never let it go. After that, she just had to follow his steps until it seemed a better time for her to approach him.
She saw a little blonde girl by Mike's side. They were holding hands while each was talking to different people, not really facing each other. Holly Wheeler with a brunette girl with glasses on her nose. And Mike with Will.
Holly had a blue dress and a black ribbon on the top of her head. Her friend had furry gloves and furry ears and a furry short tail. They had pumpkin plastic bags full of candy. Mike and Will seem to be sharing one big white bag that the tallest was carrying on his shoulder.
He had a funny look, she remembers. He looked like a zombie, the ones in horror movies she didn't like, but because he was talking so vividly with Will he didn't look like the intimidating monster he tried to portray. Will had a colorful lightning bolt on one side of his face.
The little girls seemed to have got bored of talking and being on only one side of the streets. So they started moving, dragging the boys around.
She followed them in the shadow of the trees that hid her, and behind the tall walls of the houses around. She thought she didn't alert anyone with her presence. Will caught her, though. And of course he told Mike.
While the girls went to the closest front door they probably had passed already two times before, Mike got close to her. She lifted her blanket completely, smiling big and brightly to him. She was ready to receive a kiss. A big gasp of surprise that she could eat with her teeth and her not painted lips.
“What the hell are you doing here?” But her grin didn’t last. The previous funny makeup, with the wrinkles on his forehead and the shadows under his cheekbones stop being laughable. She didn’t like the look on his eyes, so she saw Will instead who kept his distance with his back facing them, behind a fence of a big shiny house.
“I wanted to see you— I wanted to spend Halloween.”
“Hopper told you you can't get out.” He talked with force even if he was almost whispering. “It's dangerous.”
“I'll be fine.” She didn’t want to make him worry. She hates when he gets that way. So overbearing, so mean and impulsive. Just like Hopper. Just like every Alpha she has met.
Maybe she’s not made for Alphas. She’s a Beta, after all.
“The military drives around any hour they want. They could be on their way to this street right now!” He whisper-yelled now, barely containing his emotions, splashing them in her frame. He seemed so happy before. “How do you even know I was in here? I never told you I was going to get out today.”
Oh, no. She didn’t think this through. Of course he was going to think about that. About details that don't even cross her mind.
“Will said something—” She started lying, under the big pressure of Mike's intense stare. She wonders that if she had a proper nose she would feel drowned by the bitter coffee scent flying around them. Drowned and forced to concentrate because it could be so intense. But it just bothers her now.
“Don't lie to me, El. You know I hate lies.” He was biting and chewing the words. A second longer and she swears he’s going to growl at her. He’s so sure about Will not saying anything that it moved her insides the wrong way. She should be the one able to growl right now.
“But he did—” She should have kept her mouth shut. She had to know that it didn't work with them the ‘siblings lying and backing each other’ thing, between her and Will. How could she have even thought about it? It only worked with Jonathan and Will when they broke a glass or forgot to throw the trash.
A bond built with years of trust and care and love. A sibling code built with similarities. Same dad, same mom, same town, same home, same second gender.
It's a sibling code.
And they are not siblings.
She knows that now, at least. She should have known that day.
“We didn't plan to go out today, that's how I know you're lying. This was a last minute plan, because of Holly.” He took a breath before speaking, turning his neck a few seconds towards Will’s distracted figure, too far to listen to their bickering, but close enough to know it was happening. “So tell me, Eleven. How do you know I was here, and not in my house?” He pointed to one direction of the streets. His place wasn't even visible now.
She swallowed hard. The knot that formed was too large, too big and it hurt. He knows. He knows the answer; he just wants to hear it from her own mouth.
“I looked.” She doesn't give further explanations, it's obvious he understood what it meant. She also doesn’t say it’s not the first time.
He snorted, crossing his arms and taking a tiny step back. “So you're spying on me again. It really wasn't Max's idea. It was all you, wasn't it?” She kept her gaze up, fighting with herself to not look down.
Her fist burned and even if she didn’t look at them, she knew they were white. “Why are you so angry?”
“Why I'm I angry?” He was just making fun of her now, with him laughing like he couldn't believe her words. “Because boyfriend and girlfriend don't spy on each other, Eleven!” He rolled his eyes and threw his hands around, just like he does when he doesn't like something. “Not even friends do that! Maybe my mom, but that’s it. There's something called trust—” He mumbled the last, all of sudden, but shook his head, stopping himself from continuing. “You need to go back to your cabin.”
She heard the trees moving faster than the wind. She felt her stomach making a turn and pressing down like it does when she’s about to do something she didn’t plan. Something her body wants before her mind.
“Dont lock me away.” She didn't care anymore about this conversation being a secret. She raised her voice like she likes to do.
“No one is locking you away, but the military. I don't want you to go to jail, El. Who knows what they're gonna do to you?” That didn't help calming the red down. It didn't particularly grow but it did help her remember the possibilities she forgot, like the details before, with this high risk she just took. “Those assholes are dead serious with thinking you did all of this.”
All of this as the town split down in four. Max in a coma, unable to reach her mind.
More things rushed inside her head. The excessive rules and the stupid lockdown. Stupid Halloween and stupid dirty blanket Will saw from afar. Will being too close with Mike. Will staying under the same roof as Mike. Everything blended in. Everything was the same shade of red even if she didn't want to. Even if she knew some are more horrible than others.
“I just wanted to have a Halloween with you.” She didn't sound sweet. She sounds restrained, like a ticking bomb with a timer that is too close to zero.
He huffs air heavily, like her wanting to share a Holiday with him, with her own boyfriend that sent her ‘I like you’ Valentine’s cards, was dumb. Childish. “Maybe next year. Or when this is all over. But right now you are putting yourself in danger, you're putting Will in danger, and you're putting my sister in danger.” He sounded final. Like he's about to step away.
“I didn't mean to do that.” She is screaming now, the brown leaves are forming little tornadoes under her feet. Her eyes might have tears on the corners, but she doesn’t let herself feel them.
“But it happened anyways, didn't it?” He looked at Will again. Holly and his friend were right by his side, chatting happily about who knows what. She just knows she's not included. She never is. “I'm going to go back to Will and my sister, and you better go with Hopper. Does he even know you're out?” She shakes her head once, looking at the long shiny hair Mike's sister possesses. “Yeah, I don't know why I asked.” He rubbed his forehead, mixing a green and a brown together.
“You are being mean.”
“You're being ridiculous.”
That seems to be his favorite word when getting angry.
And that seems to be her most hated one.
She remembers how he rushed to his sister when her pumpkin bag suddenly broke in pieces, making every piece of plastic and every candy fly to the floor. She saw how he didn't even look her way once again, too focused on calming down her scared and crying younger sister.
She closes her eyes and blocks the memory away.
Just forget.
Just forget.
She doesn't know how —she even amazed herself—, but she takes a deep breath, lets it out shaky as if she was outside in the cold, and talks again. Sharp, not smiling one bit, but calm considering her trembling rage.
“Im sorry, Will. I shouldn't have closed the door on you like that.” The irony of that phrase makes her bite her own tongue until she tastes iron.
She hates how every pair of eyes that looks at her right now seems surprised at her reaction. Like they were expecting something so much different. Something with so much more violence. Mike's grip on Will’s shoulder does not loosen.
“It's okay.” Is the only thing he responds to her, looking down not because of shame of the situation, but almost because of bornness. “I'm fine, Mike.” And is that quick that they all stop paying her attention. Just with a couple words from the Omega of the room.
“She left you in the cold. With this fucking weather.”
“Yeah, and it's November, I know. Don't treat me like a baby.” He pushed Mike’s arm away with a thud sound.
That made her smile a little. She had to hide it.
The black and thick eyebrows on Mike’s head seem to hurt with how much they arc. He’s attentive, his eyes do not leave Will, and he talks to him with a voice that could smell almost like syrup. “I'm not treating you like one, Will. I'm just worried.” Will’s shiny green eyes lock with the brown of her boyfriend’s and she feels the bile going up.
He looks at him with so much care. They look at each other like nothing else in this room, in the entire world, is more important than each other.
“Yeah, I know. I'm just—” He rolled his eyes, but it lacked irritation; he seemed hurt instead, but he pushed it back. “Doesn't matter. Do you wanna do something, El?” He turned his head towards her, talking softly as he usually does. “I don't know about going outside, but maybe we can stay here. We came here to see you after all, not to cause you trouble.”
Trouble. Right.
Because Mike taking his wrist now and Will letting him, like it’s a common thing between them, isn't any type of trouble.
Her guts are all mixed and her tongue burns and her teeth are covered in acid. She knows she does something with her face, an aggravating move that happened without her knowledge; she knows what she should answer, she knows she needs to get them out of her sight.
But looking at her father's eyes, full with concern and disappointment and exhaustion, she knows she has to nod. Even if it hurts her even more.
Even if she wants to scream even higher.
An hour later the sun was almost completely hidden under the clouds and the strange effect the Upside Down mixing with the Rightside Up had left in their town. They decided to do the only activity where they could share a space without actually speaking to each other.
They ended up watching a movie.
Hopper's snoring started no longer than thirty minutes into the film. She can't blame him, even with all these months able to go back to a normal routine with a proper sleeping schedule, his body seems to take every chance it gets to just zone out and sleep the day away.
She prefers when his snoring comes from his room, so she woke him up with a few M&M’s kicking his beard and helped him get to his bed. When he left, a little breeze of cigarettes went down with him, because apparently the more relaxed an Alpha or an Omega is, the stronger the scent.
The same thing happens when they're mad.
She's curled up right after that on her dad's armchair, choosing to feel his warmth under the same blanket he just used —if she sniffed hard enough, making her dizzy, she could sense the dark chocolate, but never the melted butter—, because that was better than being by the end of the sofa, dying of cold because of Mike's intentional distance.
She stupidly thought that after a few minutes, maybe when Hopper closed his eyes, he would drop his long arms around her shoulders, holding her against his figure. A steady hold that helped her feel grounded and a little shy, but most of all, excited about the kisses they could share when she decided the TV isn't that interesting anymore. Just like they sometimes did back then. Back when they were close. Back when they were perfect, even if she wanted him to shut up about his boring movies with spaceships and bright colorful blades when he got too hyped up.
She chose what they’ll watch this time. Will stopped Mike before he could even try. She thanked him expecting an approving smile from Hopper or a softer gaze from Mike. She got neither. Just a quiet “Don't worry, El.” by the boy who she sometimes calls brother, but isn’t sure if she ever meant it.
When the romantic tape started rolling, Mike let himself fall at Will's side, not looking anywhere in particular. His back straightened when she sat down in the empty space. His new position almost hid Will from her. It would have made forgetting his presence easier —and she could just pretend this was all a date between her boyfriend and her—, but she just couldn't focus on her own imagination, the movie and the heavy weight of Mike ignoring her. It was too hard of a task, and the extra breath was too much of a distraction.
Mike was acting like a protector. Like an Alpha, in the way it's new to her; in the way she would associate it with Lucas. Like a wall between her and the Omega that is about to fall asleep. The movie is only half way through, and two half wolves are already down. Jeez.
She wanted to keep her eyes on the TV, but sitting on the armchair gave her a perfect vision of them both. How Mike leans on his frame and how Will does it back just as much. Their knees are in constant touch, just like their hands when they meet at the popcorn bowl in Mike's thighs.
She took a way too aggressive bite of her own snacks when Will's head fell a bit, with his eyes partially closed, almost knocked up; Mike took him by the cheek just a little later, with a firm confidence that made her cry. He pressed him softly against his shoulder, and Will’s head just fit there perfectly. They're height difference was even noticeable while sitting down, and Mike took no time to get in a better position so the other boy's head could just rest, ignoring the movie, ignoring the food, and ignoring her disgustingly red stare.
They didn't even give her a glance.
She couldn't believe it.
Will was cuddling with her boyfriend. Right in front of her.
An Alpha and an Omega cuddling.
Her boyfriend that suddenly started working out. Her boyfriend that protects Will and Holly and who knows who else, so he started working out. For them. Her boyfriend that acted like Will being hurt was the worst scenario in the entirety of his life.
Her boyfriend who started working out because he didn't want to be protected by her and her powers and her superhero title. But because he wanted to be the one protecting others.
He wanted to act like the Alpha he's meant to be.
So he really does feel unfulfilled in their relationship.
Why couldn't she ever see it before, even if she wondered?
Oh, how she wondered…
She wonders too about how this cabin must smell like, in this late hour. With an Omega relaxed enough to sleep, an Alpha down in his room, and another one with a close eye to his best friend's state.
She should be the one over there. She should be the one pressed up against his side, giving him more than a stupid sleeping Will couldn't, because they aren't boyfriend and… boyfriend and girlfriend? Boyfriend and boyfriend?
A little vibration came after. Too low to even register it as something annoying first. Just when it was as loud as her fast heartbeat inside of her dying chest she turned around again, to see what it was. Where it came from.
It didn’t have a smell —maybe it does, but she does not have the privileges to feel them—, it didn’t have any colour.
But if it would, it would scream Will Byers all over it.
Soft, calm, warm, safe, sunny.
A purr that could be just like honey. Just like freshly baked dough, shape in little hearts to eat with eggs and butter on top.
A purr that had Mike fascinated.
He obtained those heart shaped foods on the shine of his eyes in less than a second, probably even before she looked at them, pressed so close she doesn’t know where one ends and the other begins. It’s the same love the eyes of the Alpha on the TV portraits for his Omega.
That's when it hit her.
The problem she feared was happening right in front of her eyes. She didn't see it before because she chose not to believe it. She chose not to spend too many hours at night thinking how unfair the universe is with her.
Why does she never get what she wants to keep it forever? Why does she only get glimpses of her favorite dreams?
Are they really her dreams though?
They’re Will’s. That 's for sure.
And this all felt evil.
Like the devil came knocking on her to take everything that reminds her of safety, of conformity, of the only things she knows.
He takes and takes and takes, and no one but she sees the damage. Because no one else but she feels it. It's hidden behind a pretty Omega’s face, so how can anyone even suspect? A soft sweet scent she can’t smell. A soft purr she can only hear from afar.
Is this her punishment for opening his door, when they were both twelve year old kids on a dark night, trembling because they were so terrified of the very same creature?
With every passing moment her eyes grew blurry. With every memory that is stained with yellow, reeking chamomile and lavender, dripping on wet acrylics and watercolors she knows he could use without a problem, unlike her.
The weariness of the pout on her lips and holding in breaths that may be heard as sobs blends with her frame, blends with her body, but not with her heart.
Her heart is burning in colour like the sun, so intense they don’t give away any warmth. They just dry everything out.
She can picture her father talking softly with Will, caring so much he went down the dangerous Upside Down to search for him. Went to every appointment with Doctor Owens after that, while she got bored and lonely in this cabin, in what is supposed to be their home filled with only her little crafts —even if they're made with Will’s materials—, with decorations she picks out. But anywhere you looked, a peek of a Byers would come out.
Joyce’s cup of tea, Jonathan’s old blankets and Will’s drawings. Not too many, but definitely prettier than hers.
She remembers Mike’s basement being filled with paintings and books and comics and toys and clothes that had a history she will never be a part of. A history that had only place for two little kids —she never got to be a kid in the first place—. Mike and Will. She hasn't been inside of that house in so long, it feels like forever.
For Will it’s the house he’s staying in; for her it’s the first place she felt safe.
Would Mike’s room be also filled with things that are inherently Will? Surrounding Mike’s sleeping self every night, giving him comfort she will never be able to achieve? A level of silent understanding that just by looking at the other for a few seconds was enough to know if they were bored, angry, happy, sad, confused, and every other emotion she hasn’t yet experienced?
It felt that way. Like a bubble you could only appreciate from afar and wish it was you inside instead. A bubble that wasn't fragile, nor sharp, nor scary.
It was their home.
She can’t let herself think about Joyce. The woman calls her daughter, and gave her pretty makeup to play around with in Lenora, but ever since they arrived to this town her attention slipped to her actual children. To her two sons that look so much like her. If Eleven stands by their side she looks like the complete outsider she really is. Just a girl without a full family. Just a girl with superpowers people weren’t trusting on anymore.
Jonathan never talked much, either lost on his funny smell, or too tired to hold long conversations. But with Will he cheered up. Everytime. Not with talking, but with just the simplest and tiniest smile that changed his entire posture. A ruffle of the hair and a “Hey, Bud.” in the mornings was enough for his gaunt figure.
And all her friends with their little comments she won’t bother to remember piece by piece. That’s just pure torture. Even Max's very brief calls that she can count with both her hands, that talked dearly about Will. “Say hi to him for me, would’ya?” every time they said goodbye, “Has Cali been good for you and Will?”, because unlike her, she always thought about everyone else —she realized that when Mike talked more about their friend group than himself in his letters—.
The day Max started talking about her boyfriend was peculiar. She felt a similar frenzy feeling in her gut from back when she first saw her flaming long hair, dancing around Mike on her skateboard. She looked bitching indeed, but her stomach warned her and a second later Eleven did her specialty, hurting others.
“Mike and I sometimes hang out, y'know? He whines that you guys have the phone busy all the time, because of Will mom’s job. He misses him a lot, actually. They probably can’t talk much.” Back then a fever of guilt brushed her face when she heard those words, knowing she was the one never letting Will know about Mike’s insistence on speaking with the Omega.
She didn’t get it back then, but she knew she didn’t like it. It was a feeling that almost burned. So she chose the letters with the boy she missed so much, to be safer.
If she wrote something that sounded mean because of his long paragraphs talking and asking how Will is doing, she could just throw it away and start again, ignoring it all completely, or at least half the questions.
Mike will never know. Just like Will won’t know about the hundreds of calls Mike left for him when the phone wasn't actually busy.
After a while, she made herself the task that every time the telephone was propped up on the wall, she would let it fall or move it slightly, so no call could pass through.
All this care, all this looks, and all this worry towards Will is for one reason only. The reason why he gets it all, and she gets the leftovers.
It's all because she's a Beta and he's an Omega.
She knows what to do now.
She'll do what her inner voice tells her —not an inner wolf with desires and needs and instincts she will never comprehend—. Her inner voice that has lived with her as long as she remembers. The inner voice that took over whenever she got angry at Papa and her men. The inner voice that made her scream and destroy this very same cabin’s windows. The inner voice that kicked her throat at Rink-o-mania. The inner voice that scares Mike from the moment Lucas' body flew from one side to the other.
She knows what to do now. She will have to be careful so her boyfriend won’t be able to tell, but she's determined. Maybe as much as she is with hunting down and killing Vecna.
Mike will stop looking at ‘her brother’ the way he's supposed to be looking at her. Mike will stop and he won't even realize. He's just getting distracted now, because they spend so much time together by having rooms just some steeps away. He was acting just like every time that teary boy was in danger.
She needs him to realize there is no danger. Not the one he’s used to at least.
Just like what happened in their time living in Lenora, Will is the one who will pull away. When he looked at the phone without even realizing for a minute too long, seeing it rang all the time, just never for him. Thinking Mike simply forgot about their friendship while being away, and at the same time Mike sent her letters every week —even if in every single one of them Mike managed to write that short name inside of the pages—.
Eventually she stands up because she can't look at the TV, the couple kissing and saying they love each other without giving glances to a bored Mike who finds it more endearing to stare at a sleeping Will.
If Will ends up drooling on his shoulder, would Mike get disgusted? She wishes that were the case but Will isn't drooling, so she won't know.
She locks herself in her room, waiting patiently for the “Goodbye, El. See you soon.” she should be getting from her boyfriend, but it never comes. Just some light footsteps she only perceives because her ear is glued to the wall. The front door closed, letting the sound in the cabin just be the echo of the nature outside and her father’s snoring.
She sees the envelope full with glittery letters and hearts lying on the carpet floor and something red possesses her. Something red that boils her being and runs through her veins.
She picks it up and tore it apart until it's just tiny pieces and a mess, the words inside describing her boring and repetitive days and her longing for kissing her boyfriend turn unrecognizable.
And she hates how the guilt tries to fly up when remembering where she got everything to even make the letter in the first place. Does she really want to hurt the boy that gives her so much? Does she really want to make her relationship messier by putting Will on the line?
Mike and her will get through it; they always have ended up together again. Maybe not as great as before their first breakup in the summer of 85’ but at least good enough to receive more kisses. That’s all she wants now. A kiss session will make it all better.
She wants to cry and feels herself doing so a bit when she's under the covers of her bed, with the cold creeping through the window. Max’s words about Mike crawling back to her after he makes mistakes echo in her head, even after all this time.
He tries. She has to give him that. He has tried but they just can't find common ground. Not once, not ever. They just post-pone every talk. It’s the only way they don’t fight.
But she won't give up. She wants to be like those girls in movies she watches, with their man all over them saying cute things to her ear and in front of their friends, like those whispers they shared that made her feel butterflies. He wants Mike that way. Obsessed with her, so he can't even think of any other woman —Omega, because girls aren't the only people boys can love, she saw today—, but she also wants him to trust her. On her powers and her strength.
She wants him by his side, with a steady arm on her waist, but on the bench while she takes care of the big trouble. She can take care of herself, she always has. She needs him to see that.
She needs him to care about her again first, though.
She will get the man of her dreams with the face of Mike, because she knows that version of him is in there. She got him before the monster came back and the mall was destroyed. He is just being poorly directed, right now. All that attention will soon stop being thrown at Will and be directed to her instead, in the amounts she wants and the ways she likes. The first person to show her kindness in that stormy night will stay forever engaged in her soul.
She knows it'll happen, because even if she has felt unfulfilled in the past —even right now—, Mike loves her because he kisses her. Mike loves her because she loves him. Mike loves her because she's a superhero. Mike loves her because he doesn't kiss Will on the mouth.