Chapter Text
The biggest gossip of the 2018 NHL Awards had nothing to do with any of the winners, but with news that had broken a few weeks prior, just in time for every single hockey player in the league to form an opinion they couldn’t wait to share after a few drinks at the post-ceremony cocktail party. Boston Raiders captain Ilya Rozanov had decided, of his own accord, to leave the team that had drafted him eight years before and sign with the fucking Ottawa Centaurs.
Shane Hollander had years of practice walking through crowded rooms that made him uncomfortable while trying to grasp at every mention of Ilya Rozanov. But it was the first time he could actually hear his now boyfriend’s name being said so many times. It was unsettling.
“Gotta be the money, right?” said a man Shane was pretty sure was a Los Angeles enforcer. Hayden had excused himself to answer a phone call from Jackie and left him standing next to a group of West Coast rookies whose names he had not learned. “Aren’t the Centaurs owned by some old money family? They haven’t paid a big star in so long, maybe they have been saving up and offered Rozanov a signing bonus he couldn’t refuse.”
Money seemed to be the number one theory so far, although it was closely followed by either a secret drug addiction or a secret disease (which Ilya would somehow be able to conceal if he were playing for a team that had a lower profile than Boston) or some variation of being closer to a specific woman, or just women in general.
“I heard he has a girlfriend in Montreal”, said a Seattle center. “Maybe she gave him an ultimatum. Knowing Rozanov, he was cheating on her all over Boston.”
“Wouldn’t it be easier for her to just move to Boston, then?” said LA enforcer. “What kind of job does she have that’s more important than locking down her millionaire boyfriend?”
“Hey, isn’t the Montreal mayor a lady?” offered a Calgary left wing, excitedly.
Ilya had come to Vegas for the ceremony, as he was (a little scandalously, after the news broke) nominated for MVP and Shane was up for a Conn Smythe Trophy. But earlier that day he said that he had no patience to be accosted by a mob of inferior players at the cocktail party, so he would wait for Shane in their hotel room.
Shane entered the large ballroom determined to make a short obligatory appearance, shake hands with some players, be seen by some important league people, have a drink and then quietly excuse himself to the hotel down the street where they had stayed the night before, booking two different rooms and using only one. Or at least that was the plan, until his phone buzzed.
Lily: I got us another room
Lily: Same hotel you are
“What do you think, Hollander?” Seattle guy asked him, and Shane blinked twice.
“Huh? About what?” he said, closing his phone as he felt his fingers itch to respond.
“Rozanov signing with Ottawa.”
“I don’t know”, Shane tried to speak naturally. ”I suppose it’s kind of weird, but Boston also had gone years without making it to the playoffs before they drafted him in 2010.”
“Yeah, but like, three years. Not a whole fucking decade”, said Calgary man, who Shane decided was very annoying.
“Maybe he just wanted a challenge,” Shane said. “And the pay must be good.”
“But for sure Boston tried to match it,” Los Angeles interjected. “Even if they had to throw some other players under the bus to keep him.”
“I hear he spends all his money on drugs and cars, though. He might have a lot of debt.”
Calgary man could really go fuck himself. Shane opened his phone again.
Shane: Why would you do that?
“Come on, Hollander, you’re on his level. Would you trade Montreal for Ottawa for a little extra cash?” The LA enforcer asked Shane, who kept his phone closed in his hand.
“Ottawa is my hometown,” Shane said, trying to mask his annoyance. “I actually grew up a fan of the Centaurs.”
“Holy shit so you’re gonna have to cheer for Ilya Rozanov now,” Seattle clapped his hands at the realization and laughed. Shane felt his phone buzz and took a look at the notifications in his lock screen.
Lily: Because I wanted a penthouse where I could watch you while you touch yourself exactly the way I tell you to
Lily: Like the slut you are for me
Jesus fucking Christ.
“Dude, maybe Rozanov moved to Ottawa because of Hollander, then,” Los Angeles rookie shouted.
“What?” Shane almost dropped his phone. “What did you say?”
“To play for your childhood team and fuck with your head,” he replied, very proud of himself for the joke. They all laughed and Shane tried to smile, moving uncomfortably in his pants.
“I still think it’s about pussy,” the worst man in Calgary said. Shane went back to his phone and tried to blend into the background as a nearby group of players joined in on the conversation.
Shane: Fuck
Lily: That is what I will do eventually yes
Lily: But first I will make you beg
“Maybe he just fucked his way through all of the women in America and had to move on to a different country,” said a voice Shane didn’t bother to attach to a player.
“Like he hasn’t been fucking every woman in Canada too,” added another.
“Yeah, he’d have to move to Europe if it was that,” some other fucking jerk said.
Shane: You know I am in a ballroom full of hockey players who are all speculating if you are moving to Ottawa for money or for women, don’t you?
Lily: That is very funny. Because meanwhile I am in a hotel room touching my dick thinking of how your ass felt in my mouth last night
Lily: And wondering if you will cum faster if I do that in a jersey of your childhood team with my name on the back
“I think he already fucks his way through Europe in the summers,” that was definitely Calgary’s biggest dickhead speaking.
Shane: Aren't your hands too busy to text?
Lily: I can multitask
“Well it’s not like he can go to South America, I don’t think they have a professional hockey league,” Seattle or LA offered.
Lily: Do you think any of them can tell you are getting hard for me right now?
Shane: I’m not
Lily: Those tuxedo pants are very thin, maybe they will be able to see your cock
Lily: You better be careful
Lily: Only I get to do that
Shane closed his phone and moved uncomfortably. “I’m gonna go get a drink, excuse me,” he left the group and headed to the bar to ask for a glass of ice cold water, then checked his watch. He had been at the party for half an hour, which seemed like a sufficient amount of time for him to spend in a room crowded with people talking about his secret boyfriend’s sex life while his boyfriend masturbated thinking about him a dozen floors above. He got his phone to ask Ilya for the room number.
Lily: Don’t come up now. Wait until I tell you to
Shane: Are you fucking kidding me?
Lily: I thought you weren’t getting hard for me yet. Then we have time, yes?
Shane: Fuck you
Lily: So you are getting hard for me right now
Shane: If I say yes will you tell me the room number so I can go up?
Lily: No
Lily: I think you can wait for me a little longer in that room full of men who are so obsessed with me they probably wish they could suck my cock
Lily: Because only you get to do that
“Sugar high emergency averted, Jade is off to bed,” Hayden joined him at the bar, leaving a beer bottle and gesturing to the bartenders for a new one. “So, did Rozanov come?”
“What?” Shane looked up from his phone.
“To the party,” Hayden said. “He's not here, is he?”
“No. I mean, I didn’t see him.” Shane took a large sip of water in an attempt to get his body to cool off from the anger and the feeling making his pants tighter.
“I would have liked to see his face after getting asked for the 50th time why the fuck he wants to play for Ottawa.”
“Maybe that’s why he decided to skip it.”
“That or he is in a casino somewhere,” Hayden suggested. “I heard he has a gambling problem and had to take the Ottawa signing bonus to pay off his debt.”
“I don’t think that’s true.”
“Seems more believable than that other rumor that he is dating the mayor.”
Shane: This party is boring. I really think it’s time for me to leave
Lily: I thought you liked boring
Shane: No, that’s you
Shane: Maybe I’ll just leave and go somewhere else. I could get a hotel room of my own
Lily: Oh really? What would you do there?
Shane: Probably jerk off wondering why I'm dating such an asshole
“Is that Boston Lily you’re texting?” Hayden asked, gesturing to Shane’s phone, which Shane quickly turned dark and put in his pocket. “Is she a Boston fan? How does she feel about losing Rozanov?”
“She’s a Montreal fan,” Shane said. “Why would she want anything to do with me if she were a Boston fan?”
“I don’t know, man, maybe she thinks ancient rivalries are hot,” Hayden shrugged and took a sip of his beer. “Is she meeting you here?”
“No, she's in Boston.”
“I brought Jackie to one of these our first year dating,” he said. “She had a whole spa day then I got us a penthouse where we-”
“Yo Hollander!” New York's Carter Vaughn joined them and clapped Shane’s shoulder loudly. “You must be over the moon, huh?”
“Why?”, Shane said, thankful for the interruption. He did not need to imagine Hayden and Jackie having a heterosexual version of whatever it was he and Ilya were doing right now.
“Come on, getting through Boston is gonna be a piece of cake now. Gotta feel gooood,” he sang the last part.
“Hey, we’ve already been getting through Boston!” Hayden protested.
“Not every year”, Carter said, getting a tequila shot from the bar. He turned to Shane. “Although how do you feel about losing the whole rivalry bump?”
“What rivalry bump?” he asked.
“You know, the marketing push, Boston versus Montreal, Hollander versus Rozanov, all that jazz. It’s good publicity, isn’t it?”
“I don’t know, I’ve never thought about it like that,” Shane lied. “And we will still play each other.”
Thankfully. He couldn’t imagine not being in the same ice rink as Ilya several times a year, even if it were for the sake of living closer to one another.
“Yeah, but I don't think it will be as fun for you anymore. Ottawa sucks,” Carter raised his shot and downed it.
“I think there are Ottawa players around, maybe keep it down,” Shane said.
“Naah, they know,” Carter gestured unconcerned.
“Do they know anything about why Rozanov signed with them?” Hayden asked.
“No, I asked Zane Boodram, they’re as surprised as we are. But he seems like the happier person here. I mean, after Hollander,” Carter bumped into Shane’s shoulder playfully.
“I’m not happy Rozanov is moving to Ottawa”, Shane lied again. Nor am I happy that he is remote edging me from a hotel room in this very building right now.
“But I guess the Centaurs might get a kind of rivalry bump whenever we play them too,” Hayden said. “Cause it's Shane's home town.”
Shane nodded and felt his phone buzz again. He opened it, thanking his past self for the hindsight of having bought privacy screen protectors for him and Ilya months ago.
Lily: What are people saying about me now?
Shane: That you have gambling debt or are dating the mayor of Montreal
Lily: Why would I date the Montreal mayor? Is he hot?
Shane: It’s a woman. Kinda sexist of you to assume that
Lily: Is she hot?
Shane: I don’t know! You’re killing the mood
Lily: Oh no is Shane Hollander not going to be horny for me anymore because I made him think of woman politician?
Shane: Go fuck yourself
Lily: That is what I am doing right now so I can last a long time watching you touch yourself after I get you here
Well, Shane had walked right into that one. He closed his jacket hoping it would cover his penis.
Scott Hunter approached the bar and greeted them with a nod. “Nice to not be the thing everyone is gossiping about this year,” he said, asking the bartender for a beer and standing next to Carter.
“Pretty sure you got the biggest league situation room, man, don’t worry,” Carter said, slapping Scott’s shoulder in the same playful way he did to Shane earlier. He felt weirdly heartened seeing Carter’s completely natural treatment of his now out gay teammate.
“Crazy to think that me kissing my partner on the ice would warrant more strategizing by the NHL than losing its biggest cash cow rivalry”, Scott said.
Shane felt his cheeks get a little hot. “We will still play each other,” he said, feeling defensive.
They had specifically come up with the Ottawa plan so they could have a less intense public image as a duo and eventually be seen as friends, instead of mortal rivals. Now Shane felt oddly protective of this thing they had shared for so many years and that had informed so much of their lives together. Maybe Montreal Jane was the one who liked ancient rivalries.
“You know what I mean,” Scott said. “I bet they're gonna have to review a bunch of marketing campaigns for next season. That seems like more work than writing a press release about how the league supports the LGBTQ community and then quietly pressuring me to give less interviews about what it's like to be a gay hockey player.”
Shane felt his phone buzz again, but he kept it in his jacket pocket. He was considering coming out to his teammates when the new season started, and it would be a smart move to speak to Scott beforehand, to ask for advice. Unfortunately he still couldn't find it in himself to say those words out loud, not on that night anyway. He settled for the more cowardly route.
“Has the league given you too much shit about it?” He asked. Scott sighed.
“Not much at first, but I have been going to more gay events with Kip now and people ask a lot about homophobia in the league. And the league doesn't love my answers,” he said. “I had a little chat with Crowell just now, and he made sure to tell me that. Don’t worry, though, he used nice, safe, press release words.”
“Oh,” Shane’s phone buzzed again, and he held it tightly inside his pocket. “That’s fucked up.”
“They’re just mad that more players are coming out now,” Carter said. “Like that Swede guy from LA.”
“Who is going back to Sweden,” Scott said.
“He is?” Shane asked.
“Yeah, a team there made him an offer. I’m not sure it was the kind you can’t refuse like Ottawa probably did to Rozanov. But his contract is up and Los Angeles wasn’t too eager to sign him again. He was afraid to get traded to God knows where.”
“Like Ottawa,” said Carter.
“Shit, I hope his hot model boyfriend moves to Sweden with him,” Hayden said, and Scott looked at him with a raised eyebrow.
“What?” Hayden said, taking a sip of his beer. “I saw his instagram, I can appreciate the human form.”
Scott chuckled. “He will, actually. They are planning on getting married this summer so it will be easier for him to get citizenship there.”
“Good for him,” said Carter. “Can you imagine living that close to so many Ikeas, too? I fucking love Ikea.”
The conversation switched to furniture stores and Shane felt a little dizzy. He excused himself to go to the restroom and found a quiet spot in a secluded individual bathroom at the end of the hallway. He sat on the closed toilet lid, trying to control his breaths. His phone buzzed again, and he closed his eyes for a second before looking at the screen.
Lily: Is the party still boring? Should I make it more fun for you?
Lily: We could play a little game maybe. Try to guess what is first thing I will do to you when you get here
Lily: Is everything alright, Shane? Do you want to come up?
Shane touched his lashes, and realized there were tears in the corner of his eyes. The intensity of the night was getting to him. The noise and the lights, the voices and all of the whispers about his own fucking life, even if they weren't aware of it. The conversations about how Ilya had to be crazy or literally diseased to make the choice he made, the choice they had made for the benefit of their future together. The fear in the pit of his stomach he would get every time he thought about those opinions one day being validated, whenever he thought about Ilya getting frustrated or angry at himself for going through with their plans, angry at Shane for ever having suggested them. Scott’s voice talking about the league’s pressure, even the sting of jealousy he got thinking about the LA Swede's upcoming wedding.
He wanted to stop thinking, to stop hurting, to give himself over to the familiarity of the only place he could be entirely himself and not himself at the same time, with the one person he trusted to take the control that was slipping through his fingers and that he so desperately needed to give up. He wrote back.
Shane: My guess is the first thing you will do to me when I get there is kiss me like you spent the entire fucking night wishing for it
He thought of himself in an elevator in that same hotel, years ago, yearning for the intimacy of a kiss and writing a text that was the most honest he had been with himself up until that point. Then deleting it, because just typing it out had been scary enough.
Shane: And then you will take me apart
Lily: Yes I will, sweetheart
Lily: Penthouse 1