Chapter Text
The door creaks slightly when you open it. You need to do something about that, but it's just another point on your endless to-do list. The plant by the door - you've forgotten the name of it five seconds after you bought it - is looking worse for wear. You should get it into a new pot, but who has the time? Still, maybe a little water will do for now.
There's a stain on the fridge door that you keep forgetting about whenever you've got something in hand you could clean it with, and when you unpack, an ink jar breaks and stains the already stained carpet as well as your naked feet. Great. Just great.
There's a knock on the door. You ignore it in favor of breathing in and out. With a little less self-control, you'd be screaming now, or crying, or something even weirder. Instead, you breathe. In. And out. Ink trickles into the spaces between your toes. Another knock on the door.
If you move now, you'll leave inky footprints on the floor. The carpet is already ruined, but the floor is not.
"I know you're in there," a voice cuts through the sound of your breathing. "I heard you come in five minutes ago."
"Then come in, you dick," you scoff, staying where you are. The door creaks slightly as it opens, and there's the click of metal against teeth as Genma pauses to inspect it. "Are you going to do something about that?"
"Why should I?" You ask. "Perfect alarm system."
He shrugs. Stops and stares at your feet. "What happened?"
"Ink jar broke."
"Aw, man, that sucks."
In. And out. "I know. Care to help?"
He hesitates for a second. It's barely there, but you notice it. Stay still as he picks up the pieces, and even stiller when he wipes the ink off your feet with a wet rag. He's gentler than he would need to be. And he does not wear gloves, uncaring for the ink that now stains his hands black.
"There," he whistles, the senbon clicking against his teeth. "All clean. But I'd burn the carpet if I wear you."
"Do it, if you want, but you'll buy me a new one."
He laughs. Takes the carpet into your bathroom. You smell the smoke as you put clean socks on, and find a rather wrinkly carrot in your fridge to snack on.
"Are you coming?" Genma finds you in the kitchen, where you pour the last of your milk down the drain. It went bad days ago.
"Where to?"
"What a question. The bar, of course. We're going for a drink."
"I haven't eaten yet."
"I'll buy you something. Come on."
"Fine."
-
Raido's a heavy weight against your side, pushing you into the wall. You'd complain about it, but it's grounding, in a way, to be able to feel it still. Laughter and conversation mingles into something else and you find yourself relaxing, if only just a little.
Asuma teases Kakashi. Guy is trying to bribe Raido into an arm-wrestling contest that the latter is surely going to lose. Ebisu is drowning his failed attempt at flirting with the server in another cup of sake and Genma - your eyes wander over to where he's sitting - Genma's whispering something into Anko's ear.
You've been part of this friend group for the better part of your life. Things are constantly changing - your group used to be much bigger, but your job has taken its toll - but some still stay the same.
You nudge Raido with your elbow. "Let me up," you tell him, forcing yourself to raise your voice a little. "I need to pee."
"Climb over me, then," he orders you, uncaring. "I'm preparing myself for my win."
"You're going to lose," you tell him off, and climb over his back and out of the booth. Your back tingles as you walk away, aware of all the eyes on you. Without them, you would have headed straight for the door, but you don't want to answer any more questions.
Tsume exits the bathroom as you move to enter it, and there's an awkward moment where you both try not to catch each other's eye
-
"You alright?"
You turn. You must have zoned out again, a thing that's been happening lately. Your surroundings come back into focus, though you'd prefer the opposite. Genma's looking worried.
"Just catching some air," you defend yourself.
"Yeah? It's pretty hot inside."
You scoff, your body tensing up as he leans against the banister on your right. "I'm fine."
"You keep saying that, and we keep not believing you."
"We're not talking about this."
"No," Genma agrees. "Because you never talk about it."
"You drank," you point out. "You're in a mood."
"And you didn't," he shoots back. "We're all trained Shinobi. You keep pouring your drink into Raido's glass."
"Maybe I don't want to end up an alcoholic? I thought we were supporting Ichino?"
"You're not Ichino," Genma shuts you down. "Look. We're friends. Shouldn't we be able to talk about this?"
The dusty twilight turns white around him. You blink, but your vision keeps blurring into a bright, white mass, his voice lost in the ringing in your ears.
A sharp, stinging pain brings you back. You find yourself pressed against the wall, hands clutching your throbbing cheek. Genma stares at you, eyes wide, his mouth without a Senbon for the first time in forever.
"Did you just slap me?" You croak.
"You weren't breathing."
"Oh," you swallow. "I must have a cold."
"You were having a panic attack," he corrects you, sounding as tired and worn-out as you feel. "I'll take you home."
"I'm fine."
"Like hell you are."
"I left my jacket at the table."
Genma sighs. "I'll get it. Stay here, okay?"
You roll your eyes. Wait until the door falls shut behind him before you swing yourself over the banister, stumbling a little when you land. Your feet won't quite carry you as they usually do, but you still make it down the street before Genma's voice cuts through the night.
-
15 years earlier
You drop into the grass on Genma’s left, feet bare and knees scraped. “I got it.”
“You did?” He turns, squinting in disbelief. “You’re lying.”
“Am not,” you pull the package out from behind your back. “See? It’s still warm.”
“Unbelievable.” He takes it gingerly, opening the cloth you wrapped it in. The smell of freshly baked bread hits you all at once, and your vision goes a little fuzzy as saliva pools in your mouth. “Did someone see you?”
“Nah,” you shake your head. “I’m good.”
“You’re a dirty thief, that’s what you are.” You hear a familiar voice call down the road. “Genma Shiranui! Did you use your friend to steal again?”
You’ve never been afraid of Genma’s mother before. Maybe you’d been wrong. The way she stands now, eyes glinting with barely hidden rage, tells you to run.
But you’re going to attend the academy soon. And isn’t running a cowardly thing?”
“He was training me,” you claim, lifting the bread from Genma’s frozen grip. “So I’ve got a head start at the Academy.”
“Is that so?”
“Yes,” Genma almost swallows the toothpick he’s been keeping tucked into the side of his mouth. “We were going to give it back.”
“You’re a filthy liar.” A rough hand pushes through his hair first, then yours. “You two can learn how to focus chakra into your feet by cleaning the house. Get a move on.”
-
10 years ago
Genma drops into the grass on your right. “Saw your Chunin Exam,” he says. “That was sick.”
“Mhm,” you lift your head a little to squint at him. “It was boring, wasn’t it?”
He shakes his head a little. “I mean, it was over quite fast, so it wasn’t that interesting to watch if you wanted to see some violence, but I heard you’ve got a recommendation for your work with poison.”
You sigh. You know you should be elated. You’ve been able to leave the Academy earlier, you’ve passed your Chunin Exams on your first try, and you’ve got a recommendation as well. But there’s still that sinking feeling that keeps rooting you to the ground, a feeling you can’t properly explain to anyone.
“Hey, are you listening?” Genma nudges your knee with his. “I was going to pay for dinner. Celebrations are in order. Or do you want to stay here instead? I don’t mind looking at the clouds with you.”
You know he’d rather go out to eat. He doesn’t earn that much money yet, but going out means meeting up with Anko, and while he’s denying it, everyone can tell he likes her a lot.
“Yeah, sure,” you push yourself up from the ground. Your body feels heavier than it used to. Maybe you’re getting sick. What else could it be?
Grief? No one has got time for a thing like that. Your parents died an honorable death, serving the village.
Still, you can’t help but return to their graves after sunset ever so often, looking for their names on the memorial and shuddering involuntarily when your eyes graze the names of fallen friends. Rin. Obito. Are you going to be the next?
-
5 years ago
You set the bottles down in unison, the clink clink as they hit the table a welcome sound in your ears.
“How was the mission?” Genma asks, picking some meat from the grill.
“How was yours?” You ask back, taking a bite from a perfectly roasted red pepper.
“You know I’m not allowed to talk about it,” he teases you, and you nudge his shoulder with yours. “Same here, yet you keep trying.”
“One day you’re going to lose.”
“Never.”
“Hey there,” another voice pops up. You raise your head, expecting the rest of the group - minus Kakashi, he’s been out sick again - but it’s Tadao instead.
“Hi,” you say, feeling a little awkward. You’ve been eating here for a while, yet you haven’t seen him around here before. Is this a coincidence?
“You eat here often?” Tadao asks. His eyes wander over the table in front of you, the meat on Genma’s side and the vegetables on yours, to the point where you’re leaning into your friend's shoulder, a casual touch that suddenly no longer feels casual.
“We do, yeah,” you say. “Haven’t seen you here before.”
“Oh, yeah,” he shrugs. “I’m planning a date night, and I wanted to go somewhere new. Can you recommend it?”
“The food’s good,” you say, begging Genma to say something. But he’s quiet next to you, so quiet you can’t even hear the click of his senbon against his teeth. “Haven’t been on a date here before, so…” You trail off, cringing at your own choice of words. “I’d probably recommend the tea shop for that.”
“Ah,” Tadao nods. He’s got hungry eyes, a thing you noticed the first time you met him. It’s probably an Inuzuka trait, just like the grin he usually sports, a wolfish thing that has you on edge.
Behind him, you spot the bright green of Guy’s suit. Your shoulders relax a little, seconds before your friend pushes through. “You started without us?”
Tadao vanishes without another word. It’s almost as if he hadn’t been there at all, at least until you’re on the way back home, pleasantly buzzed from the drinks.
“Have you been working with Tadao?” Genma asks, stopping by your apartment door. “Or what was that?”
“One or two missions,” you fail at getting your key into the lock and giggle, hoping he’ll forget about it in favor of making fun of you.
“Two?” Genma sounds strange. “Why would they put the two of you together?”
“For reasons.” You manage to get the key in and turn it. “I don’t like him, if that’s what you want to ask. But that’s not going to stop me from doing my work.”
“You know he’s married, right?” Genma asks, and you straighten so abruptly that you can see the surprise in his eyes.
“If you even dare to think that,” you tell him, your voice sharp, “we’re no longer friends.”
“I’m just trying to protect you.”
“Stop it,” you slap his shoulder with less force than he deserves. “Where’s your protectiveness when I need it? You could have said something. It was awkward.”
“I was checking him out. You were handling it well. Besides the tea shop thing. Who goes there on a date?”
“Izumo picked it,” you mumble. “It was nice.”
“And where’s Izumo now?” Genma asks, nudging you toward your apartment. “I told you, no one picks that for a good date.”
-
5 weeks earlier
The amount of paperwork is shockingly low.
“That’s all?” You ask, handing back the scroll.
The Hokage’s secretary furrows her brows. “Yes? What did you expect?”
“I don’t know,” you admit. “My partner got killed in action. Isn’t there normally an investigation?”
“Only if needed,” she supplies. “And his death was pretty straightforward, wasn’t it?”
You swallow. “Yeah, sure. It just seems-”
“Look,” she waves the scroll you handed her around like she’s trying to conduct a symphony or something. “If you’re too overcome with grief to work, you can say so. But asking me useless questions isn’t going to help either of us.”
“No, I can work,” you promise. She sighs. “I can work!” You emphasize again. “My injuries are fully healed, and we weren’t that close. It’s just the first time it happened to someone I worked with for a long time.”
“Sure,” she waves you off. “You’re back on the roster tomorrow. We’ll start with easy missions.”
The easy mission is an A Rank bordering on S, but it’s exactly what you need to get your mind back on track.
Genma isn’t home when you return, so you book another mission for early the next morning. The others aren’t as annoying about it when you miss a group hangout, and you don’t feel like answering questions. You’re fine. Everything’s fine.