Work Text:
Clark was at the workbench in the barn, still haplessly trying to fix the lawnmower. It was if it knew he was only doing it for the distraction, because all he’d really managed to do was smear grease on his white t-shirt. His mom would not be pleased about that -- although honestly Clark almost looked forward to it. After all that’d had happened over the past few days, disapproval over laundry mishaps would feel relievingly normal. He knew his mom was unhappy that Ryan had gone. They all were. He was like the little brother Clark never had and always wanted. Even his mind reading powers made him feel like he’d fitted in in the not-exactly-normal Kent household.
Though to Clark, the mind reading seemed more terrifying than all his own powers combined. He didn’t know how Ryan handled it. He also desperately wished Ryan had kept what he’d read in Lex’s mind to himself. Maybe then Clark wouldn’t be so...distracted. Unfocussed. Maybe then he’d be able to fix the goddamn lawnmower.
God, why couldn’t he stop thinking about it? He just wanted to forget everything Ryan had told him about Lex, but the words were seared into his brain.
Be careful of Lex, Clark. There’s a darkness in him. But also… Ryan’s cheeks had gone pink then, and he’d shuffled from foot to foot before continuing, he...he’s in love with you. He’s never been in love with anyone before, not really. Not like you. It scares him.
He didn’t believe Ryan at first, although he hadn’t let Ryan know it. He knew Ryan never lied about what he saw in people’s minds, but it just seemed so...totally unbelievable. Lex, in love with him, of all people? First and foremost, Clark was a guy. The idea of Lex being attracted to men made Clark feel strange, like he was blushing all over his body, warm and uncomfortable. He’d never considered Lex might be gay or bi or whatever it was, before.
But then there was the rest of Clark to consider. He was a farm boy, covered in flannel and denim from head to toe. He drove his dad’s beat up truck, and he wasn’t particularly smart or popular at school. There was nothing he could see that would make Lex Luthor attracted to -- in love with -- him. He’d saved Lex’s life, though. Perhaps it was some form of residual hero worship? But the idea of Lex worshipping anything that wasn’t capitalism almost made Clark laugh. Lex wasn’t Ryan, who looked at Clark with round, awe-filled eyes, like Clark had just stepped out of the pages of his comic books. No, Lex was the most cynical, analytical person Clark had ever met. There was no room in him for flights of fancy. When he looked at Clark, he might see a friend, but he also saw inconsistencies, lies, and a mystery to unravel.
Which was why Clark was having such a hard time believing Lex could be in love with him. Clark was keeping secrets from Lex, and Lex knew it. Lex wanted those secrets. That wasn’t love, it was...obsession. Ryan was young. Could he have mistaken Luthor-honed hunger for love? Lex had an insatiable need to know . Knowledge was power, after all. But still, Clark couldn’t understand how Ryan had gotten from there to love. Was Lex really attracted to him? Sexually? The idea...god, the idea made Clark cheeks burn just thinking about it. Lex was used to dating stunningly beautiful, perfectly-coiffed models, all of whom were decidedly female . There was no way Clark, in grease-stained denim, would do it for him.
It must’ve just been confusion on Ryan’s part, that’s all, Clark thought. The kid had a lot on his plate. But somehow that idea still didn’t assuage Clark’s churning, repetitive thoughts.
...he’s never been in love with anyone before, not really. Not like you.
If it was true...if Lex really was in love with him...Clark had no idea what to do with that. It made his heart pound faster, like it did when he supersped so fast it felt like he was flying. And it also made his stomach feel as if he’d just eaten a meteorite sandwich, twisty and nauseous. All he ever did was lie to Lex. He didn’t deserve to be loved by him. The guilt was already almost more than Clark could take, even just as friends.
Was Clark seriously considering this as a real possibility now? No, there was still no way. He and Lex were friends, practically best friends. That was all it was. The disappointment Clark felt at coming to this conclusion was confusing, however.
Clark sighed, digging a screwdriver out of the tool belt slung around his waist, thinking that maybe the lawnmower was a goner.
“You know, I could just buy you a new one.”
Clark spun around, dropping the screwdriver, his heart suddenly beating hard. “Lex! I...I didn’t hear you come in.”
“No, you seemed to be quite absorbed in lawnmower surgery,” Lex grinned wolfishly at him, taking off his black leather gloves and stuffing them into his coat pocket. Under his coat he was wearing a grey cashmere sweater and black dress pants, and looked as neat and debonair as ever. Clark felt more coarse and unsophisticated than he ever had in his life in comparison. He was pretty sure that he had engine grease on his face as well as on his shirt and hands.
“Um, yeah, I was,” Clark said, nervously. It was the first time he’d seen Lex since Ryan had told him...what he’d told him. God, what if Clark knowing -- even if it wasn’t true -- affected their friendship? No, he wouldn’t let that happen. Clark would just have to calm down. He tried not to think about it, but it was nearly impossible with Lex standing right in front of him. The jitters in his stomach returned with interest.
“How are your parents taking it?” Lex was saying.
“What?” Clark said dumbly, still desperately trying to quell his nerves and make his brain stop thinking about things .
Lex frowned slightly, clearly bemused by Clark being a total space cadet. “About Ryan leaving? I know how much you all cared about him.”
“Oh. Yeah,” Clark said, forcing himself to snap out of it. Ryan’s absence was still fresh and raw, even though Clark thought that he’d be better off with his own family in the long run. “Mom’s pretty sad. He’s a great kid.”
“And I bet you miss having a little brother around. Does-” Lex uncharacteristically hesitated for a moment, before continuing, “does his aunt know about what he can do?”
Clark looked at Lex sharply. “How do you know?”
Lex gave him a impressively scornful look. “Because I’m not an idiot, Clark. I know he read my mind.”
“Oh,” Clark said, and then realized the multiple implications of that. Leaving aside the panicked thought of oh crap does Lex know that Clark knows about the whole ‘in love with him’ thing?, there was more there that was worrying to Clark. “You can’t tell anyone . They’ll...they’ll use him. He’s been through enough as it is.”
Lex’s face closed off, but Clark saw a glimmer of hurt in his eyes before the walls slammed down. “Believe it or not, Clark, I don’t go out of my way to harm children, no matter what bizarre things they can do. I can keep a secret, you know.”
And there was that guilt again. “I know that, Lex,” Clark said, and turned back to his workbench so he didn’t have to see the rigidly blank expression on Lex’s face. He hated when Lex shut down like that, like he did when he was around his father, and Clark’s father as well. He shouldn’t ever have to act that way around Clark. Clark lived for the moments when Lex was completely carefree and unguarded with him -- usually when they were driving at ridiculous speeds down country roads or sometimes when Clark lost good naturedly to him at pool or when they were deep into a movie and Clark had been plied with all the junk food he could eat while Lex just sat back, amused. Lex’s face would relax into a small, constant smile and his eyes would twinkle at Clark like he was trying not to outright laugh. Clark would find it hard to look away from him. But those moments were rare, and Clark was constantly trying to work out ways to get more of them from Lex.
So whenever Lex got distant, it just drove home how much Clark’s lies affected their friendship, and how much Clark wanted Lex’s trust. Lex kept trying to give it to him -- Clark was the one constantly rejecting it. And it was all because of Clark’s secrets.
If Lex really did love him, though, didn’t that mean Clark could trust him? The idea lit a spark of hope in Clark’s chest that spread through his mind like brushfire. He wanted to know if what Ryan had read in Lex’s mind was true so badly -- needed to know, now. Now that it might give Clark that final push into letting Lex know the truth about him. This desperate need somehow disconnected his brain-to-mouth filter because he found himself suddenly turning back to Lex and blurting out, “Are you in love with me, Lex?”
The words hung in the air like they had somehow taken physical form, and Clark wished immediately that he could take them back. He knew his face had gone bright red. He stared, horrified, at Lex -- who, always the contrarian, had gone deathly pale.
“It’s just that, uh, Ryan said, um, he said that you...were,” Clark stammered lamely. God, this was awful. He’d probably just destroyed their friendship. Lex didn’t look like he was going to just laugh it off. No, he looked as though he’d just seen a ghost, or his worst nightmare, or as if Clark had just slapped him. He looked shocked , and it took a lot to shock Lex Luthor.
Which Clark should really take offense to, that the idea of being in love with him was something so clearly nightmarish, but he was too embarrassed at the whole situation to feel anything else.
“Did he,” Lex said finally, with zero inflection in his voice. His eyes still looked spooked, though, but they were fixed on Clark’s face like he couldn’t look away.
“Um. Yes?” Clark said, apologetically. “But I think he got, uh, confused or something? Because there’s no way that you feel...that way about me. Right?” He sounded like an idiot, a total idiot. But even through his extreme embarrassment, he noted Lex’s rigid posture. He didn’t even seem to be breathing. Disappointment flooded through Clark, thinking that not only had he been completely wrong, he’d now gone and offended Lex more than he ever had before in their relationship. Had Clark managed to destroy their friendship with one stupid question?
“I should lie to you,” Lex said suddenly, and his stricken gaze dropped from Clark’s face to somewhere in the vicinity of Clark’s t-shirt. Probably on the grease stain, Clark thought hysterically. “I should lie to you, and it should be easy. I know how easy it is for you to lie to me. But I can’t. Fuck.” He closed his eyes and scrubbed a hand over his face, and let out an ironic laugh. “I can’t lie to you Clark, not about this. What Ryan saw was the truth. I...Yes. I’m in love with you.”
The world around Clark had narrowed to only Lex, and the words coming out of his mouth. I’m in love with you. They fizzed through Clark’s bloodstream like soda, made his heart beat wildly, made him feel out of breath standing still. He was pretty sure he was staring at Lex gape-mouthed and unresponsive, and this was proven true when Lex’s eyes opened, fixed on Clark for several seconds, and then did that shutting-down thing that Clark hated. Lex said, “I’m sorry, Clark,” and turned on his heel, clearly intending to leave. His voice sounded...defeated.
But suddenly Clark was standing in front of him, and fuck , he’d just supersped without even realizing it, but he didn’t really care. “Lex, wait!” It was wrong, wrong, all of it. Everything Lex had said, Lex’s bleak expression, Lex leaving. Clark couldn’t let that happen.
“Clark, what…?” Lex said, clearly startled and confused by Clark moving in the blink of an eye.
“I’ll tell you. I’ll tell you everything ,” Clark whispered fiercely. “It’s never been easy for me to lie to you, Lex. I never want to lie to you again.” And then he cupped Lex’s cheek, leaned in, and kissed him.
God, Lex’s warm lips were touching his, Clark thought dumbly. His first kiss since Chloe’s from eighth grade, but oh so different. He could smell Lex, feel Lex’s jawline under his fingers, taste him. All of it combined sent shockwaves of feeling straight to his dick, and well...apparently Lex wasn’t the only one who liked guys. Or maybe it was just Lex that made Clark feel this way. Clark hadn’t known it could feel this good. He opened his mouth to get a better taste, and Lex allowed him in easily, and then Clark’s tongue was in Lex’s mouth and Clark’s hands had somehow found their way to Lex’s waist. Lex moaned, and the sound of it made Clark gasp in return. He found that they were staggering backwards, and when Lex’s back hit the workbench, the jolt of it broke them apart. They stared at each other, panting, mouths close enough to breathe each other’s breaths.
“Clark,” Lex said weakly, and reached up a hand to caress Clark’s jaw. He slid his fingers up into Clark hair, and Clark closed his eyes and whispered, “Lex.” It was about the only word his brain could formulate at that moment.
When he opened his eyes, Lex was still staring at him. He looked a bit like he’d been hit over the head. Clark grinned dopily at him, leaned in, and kissed him again. It took mere seconds for it to get desperate, Lex sucking greedily on Clark’s tongue and running his hands up Clark’s back. Clark gave as good as he got, revelling in the feel of Lex’s expensive sweater but wishing he was feeling skin instead.
“Clark? Are you out here?” a familiar voice shouted suddenly, and it took a moment to break through the lust-induced stupidity. That was his dad’s voice...his dad. Oh shit .
Lex seemed to register about the same time Clark did, and they sprung apart as if a bucket of water had been thrown over them. There was just enough time for Clark to run his hands through his mussed hair and turn back to the poor, innocent lawnmower before Clark’s dad was up the stairs and upon them.
“Hey dad,” Clark said, trying to make his voice sound normal even though it kind of felt like he was having a quiet heart attack.
“Clark, there you are - oh. Lex.” Jonathan Kent had a voice he reserved only for Luthors, and it made Clark wince to hear it now more than it ever had before.
“Mr Kent,” Lex said, and he sounded completely calm and confident, just like he always did. Like he hadn’t just been making out with Clark seconds before. Clark risked a look at him -- he seemed just as unruffled as he sounded. Clark was impressed.
His dad clearly didn’t seem to think anything amiss, because if he did, there would definitely be a shotgun involved. “It’s pretty late, Lex,” Jonathan said disapprovingly. “I was just getting Clark to come inside. It’s a school night.”
“I was just leaving, Mr Kent,” Lex said, and the words made Clark feel cold.
“He was helping me,” Clark said defensively. “With the lawnmower.”
“Well I’m sure Lex has got better things to do, Clark. C’mon kiddo, your mom’s making you some supper. That lawnmower’s had enough for today.”
“I’ll be in soon, dad. Just give me a few more minutes?”
Jonathan sighed. “Sure, son. I’ll see you in the house.” As he moved to go back down the stairs, he squinted at Lex and said pointedly, “Maybe you should leave the farmwork to Clark, Lex. Wouldn’t want you to get your fancy clothes dirty.”
Lex watched him leave the barn with a confused look on his face, and then glanced back at Clark. Clark eyed him, and then had to stifle a laugh. “Um, I think I made you dirty.”
Lex pulled at his grey cashmere sweater, making the grease smudges even more visible. Lex looked at Clark again, bemused, and Clark held up his greasy black fingers and wiggled them at Lex, all the while trying and failing not to blush.
“I think I can live with it,” Lex said, and gave him a smile filled with so much tentative hope that Clark had to go to him. He grabbed Lex’s hand and pulled him closer.
“That was kinda close,” Clark whispered. “Also, I think I’m in love with you too.”