Chapter Text
zhang hao glanced at the clock in his study, 4:33pm. time was moving far too quickly. he had really wanted to take yujin to the park more often as the long winding days of summer came to an eventual end.
being a 25 year old phd student and a single dad to a two year old was no easy feat.
his eyes glazed over when he stared at the framed portrait with separate pictures of himself, yujin, and yujin's mother in the display cabinet, reaching out a slender finger to brush off the light layer of dust that had settled on the rims.
had it really been that long since he had last cleaned it?
yura was a renaissance woman – unbelievably talented, intelligent and charming, as well as the youngest events coordinator the art history museum had seen. they had been friends ever since hao's family moved to korea when he was six, and were inseparable ever since. around their teenage years, they had just fallen into a relationship, like it was the natural thing to do.
he loved yura, still did, she was kind, caring, beloved by all and — completely, totally accepting of the fact that her husband was gay.
zhang hao sighed. he recalled the conversation precisely – she had come up to him on the second day of their honeymoon and just known. known that his partialities lied towards the same sex. she'd made some silly joke about her cluelessness, they had been childhood friends, after all.
but most importantly, she’d been so incredibly supportive, always insisting they would still be best friends, and their devotion toward each other would never falter no matter who they slept with.
what an unbelievable loss it was, losing her in complications caused by childbirth. hao missed her everyday.
his melancholic despondence was interrupted by the cheery, incoherent babbling coming from across the room.
little yujin was reading a book, or rather trying to, always aspiring to be like his dad. he giggled innocently when he saw hao looking at him, putting his arms up.
“hi, buddy~ did you finish reading your book?” hao asked, picking the boy up in his arms.
yujin nodded excitedly, a smile curving into his chubby cheeks as he flapped the thomas the tank engine book around like a fan. “yes! tom-mas!”
“yes, the many adventures of sir thomas and his friends!” hao chuckled, leading him towards the counter to place the book down properly instead of throwing it. hao was trying to correct that bad habit.
“cah we watch him?” yujin asks with a hum, tugging at hao’s collar.
“oh? he doesn’t come on till 7 o’clock, bǎobǎo~” hao breaks the news to him, imitating the pout that appeared on the toddler's face.
“but i’ll tell you what! let daddy finish up this last page, and we’ll go to the park!”
yujin squealed gleefully, flailing his arms around as he looked up at hao with big, sparkling eyes.
“the park! the park!”
hao giggled at that. yujin was his entire life, his precious baby boy, his entire world. he ruffled his hair and kissed him on the head.
“let’s have a snack first! remember the peaches we bought at the farmers market? let’s have peaches!”
“yay! bitches!”
“oh, that’s not-“
they sat in the living room, in front of the tv downing slices of peaches. it was the coldest room in the house, which was good, because that's where they spent most of their time, at least in summer.
the paint was old, and the couch peeling at several places, so they didn't have people over very often, but that was okay.
life was busy for hao, being a phd student came with its own challenges, not to mention his t.a. job for extra cash, because even with the grant money and the government childcare subsidies, enough was never really enough.
on top of that, the little bundle of joy sitting next to him was only just venturing into his "terrible twos".
well, they weren't so terrible.
yujin was a very sweet kid. he was friendly, kind, and always shared his toys, even with some of the meaner kids from their playdate group, whom hao was sure were swiping them. many-a superhero figurines disappeared that way.
it wasn't right to hate children, but to say that hao didn't have any positive feelings towards those brats wouldn't be wrong at all.
it wasn't exactly their fault, it was the parents who hadn't raised them with good values.
hao took a big gulp of his peppermint tea, the hot liquid almost scalding his throat, warming him up inside and out nonetheless.
speaking of good values, none of the parents in that playdate group could be constituted as "good company".
they were all the same – outwardly nice, polite even, voices dripping with the kind of artificial sugar that makes teeth rot.
but he knew what they said about him behind his back.
assuming he was a bad father just because he was a single dad. accusing him of spoiling yujin (because god forbid hao buys his sweet toddler all the books and plushies he wanted). insisting he settle down with a "nice girl" and it was time to "move on", and offering to set him up with one of their nieces.
and oh, the rumors.
it was none of their business really, but some of the more ungracious people would try to overanalyse his mannerisms and make inferences about his sexuality in hushed whispers.
hao let out a small sigh, letting the cup warm up his cold palms.
it was okay. things were okay. he had yujin, they had each other, and that was enough.
but was it?
hao grimaced, rolling his eyes before catching himself in the act.
he was trying to avoid overt displays of sassiness around yujin, should the impressionable little duckling pick them up like second nature.
he turned to look at the toddler, lips pressed together in a frown, but thankfully the baby was zoned out, innocently nibbling on one of the peach slices, juice dribbling down his little chin.
ugh, hao forgot his bib, and that was a white onesie too.
in the haste of getting up hao spilt the tea down his chest.
"aahh!"
the hot liquid splattered all over his woollen sweater, knitted for him by his dear mother, and he quickly pulled it over his head, making it lay flat to dry on the coffee table.
he buried his hands in his hair, letting out a frustrated sigh before laying his head on the couch.
"daddy…"
hao smiled weakly, his hand instinctively reaching down to ruffle the toddler's hair.
"daddy, we're matchies!" yujin beamed, pointing his tiny finger at hao's (slightly damp) white shirt. "matchy tiētiē!"
hao couldn't help the smile that crept across his face when his baby crawled into his lap and pressed their cheeks together.
this had started a few months ago when hao's younger cousin ollie had come to visit them from china. he'd stayed with the two of them – his beloved haohao ge, and adorable little nephew — and they'd had a lot of fun, he'd also taught them these cute slang words, and it had just turned into a thing, for whenever they wore matching clothes for some reason.
nonetheless, it was cute and hao loved to indulge in his toddler’s tiny rituals. they were his comfort.
spinning yujin around in his lap so he was facing him, hao let the toddler’s tiny arms wrap around his shoulders, clinging onto himself tight and strong.
the energetic little toddler was nice and warm, a striking contrast to hao, who was eternally chilly.
he took a deep breath, the smell of the same strawberry shampoo he’d used to wash his hair (lots of bubbles!) wafting through his nostrils.
yura loved strawberry scents.
tears pooled into his eyes, he couldn’t blink them away fast enough.
yura. han yura. she was his best friend. sure, he didn’t want to have sex with her but that didn’t make their marriage any less real.
that didn’t erase more than a decade worth’s friendship.
he looked at yujin’s face. big round, inquisitive eyes. like hao’s. an adorable little straight nose. also like hao’s, (yura’s was more snub.) the toddler’s silly, shy way of smiling.
also just like hao.
perhaps he had foreseen this.
upon being handed the birth certificate, during a rush of mixed, confusing emotions — excitement, happiness, pure bliss from the birth of a new life, to utter devastation and despair, a little confusion because this, this couldn’t really be happening, right? right?!
hao remembered scribbling down the baby’s first name, yujin — something they’d landed on together, no matter what the gender was.
normally the baby would have the father’s last name, but upon hearing the tragic news just a moment prior he’d decided to change that tradition.
han yujin.
yura’s homage.
he wanted him to have at least a small part of his mother. forever.
they sat in the living room for a little while longer — peeling couches, old crackling paint on the walls, floorboards that creaked at the slightest hint of pressure — but it was home nonetheless.
he ran his fingers through yujin’s silky locks, and smiled.
he had a feeling it would be just the two of them, in this same house, for a very long time.
that feeling made his heart drop, and he clutched yujin closer.