Work Text:
It's currently 7:30am and the chatter around me is getting quite loud, probably because the time of our departure is getting close.
And you know how tradition goes; people will be hurrying their asses on the last minute lest they wanted to be left behind by the bus.
"Arin!" I looked back to see Cath run towards the line that I'm in, which leads to our bus (it's the 1st bus since we're the 7th grade, and Aristarchus is the top section of the Special Science program of this school). We were falling in line for the usual headcount before we all get in the bus to settle in.
I couldn't help but crack a smile the moment I saw her and the ridiculously huge mountain on her back she calls her bag that she brought.
"Why did you bring your entire house?" I teased, looking back and forth at her face and her bag. She rolled her eyes in response.
"I brought lots of snacks, since this will take a while.” My face brightened up in excitement. We planned to be seatmates since our bus didn't have an assigned seat plans and we can seat wherever we liked…
Which means, I'll be the one that'll be tasting the snacks whenever she opens one during the trip.
Though this still raises a very important question, mainly for me; "Are you sure you could bring them outside— especially in the amusement park?"
She paused for a moment to think before shrugging. "Yeah, probably not."
After acknowledging the fact that we'll definitely come back to that question later, I knelt down to ready up my digital camera so I could easily get it whenever we get to our trip destinations.
This field trip is also academic-related— for our Mathematics subject at least.
We're required to bring our devices to capture pictures and classify some mathematical aspect within those shots.
I got no problem with that since I'm the school's Photojournalist, but my best friend on the other hand...
Nah, I told myself as I subtly shake my head.
This girl is rich rich, she definitely have a DSLR packed inside her camping bag— oh, have I mentioned she literally brought an entire camping bag like she's going to stay outside for a week straight?
A few minutes of waiting, line rearranging and idle chatter, we finally got on our bus.
Luckily, our facilitators arranged our line to have the shortest people be in front so I got the opportunity to pick a 2-seater row in the middle right of the bus. I immediately sat on the window sit and temporarily placed my bag at the seat beside me to reserve it for my friend.
A few days before the field trip—the day we were allowed to plan things including our own seating plan—, I initially asked Cath if she'd like to seat by the windows instead but she declined. And I am more than delighted that I'll be able to hog the window seat to myself as I love sightseeing and potentially taking pictures.
This field trip may be a mandatory thing for us but I still want to enjoy it regardless.
The moment I settled on my seat, I immediately glued my eyes outside the window and observed the other students as they fall in line on other buses and finally leave to go to our destination.
The only reason I knew that my friend was beside me were the shuffling noises that drowned the conversation from our other classmates inside as she inserted our bags on the shelves above our seats.
Which also meant I heard her tiny snickers as she took her seat beside me. "Looking for someone's bus, I presume."
I turned my attention to her and stuck my tongue before replying. "Not really, I know where he is— in bus 19."
A lie.
I just took a guess based on the bus numbers I can see by our window— one of which is the bus labeled as the 19th.
I haven't even thought of looking for what bus he's in if I'm being honest…
Unlike these classmates of mine.
Since they discovered how I feel— more like who I am having feelings for— that one fateful visit of his to our classroom in the main campus during Foundation Day, I never got a day alone with my feelings.
They kept pestering me about how we're cute together and how they're witnessing a slow burn happen in front of their eyes and kept on thinking ways on how to “finally get us together”.
Some of them like our class president even took their time gathering information so the entire class will be “up to date” with our love story.
Basically most days they'll be the one providing me with information, while I sometimes provide them with what they label as “top secret exclusive information” that never fails to take all of them by surprise (mainly because some info I drop on them are stuff he personally told me, but they probably think I am his stalker…)
This is supposedly one of those times, except I provided a lie.
My friend reacted in a way that took me in surprise as well— she and majority of my classmates are used to me casually blurting out information about him— but I didn't let that surprise show on my face (read: tried to). Instead, I pretended to laugh in amusement due to her reaction.
"You should've seen the look on your face." I say in between my pretend laughter because she was that shocked that I know his whereabouts like I'm his walking compass.
That made her regain her senses an she quietly replied back a "No…”
Alright, now I am confused.
Why is she reacting this way?
Of course, she gladly provided me the answer to my question almost immediately, like she was reading my mind.
“I know you're lying, but I can't believe you got it right without knowing it!"
Huh. I mindlessly nodded in acknowledgement and stared back at the windows.
That's probably when my brain completely processed what she said and I immediately whipped my head back to meet her gaze.
“He— what?” I half-whispered at her.
So he's really in bus 19?
I have no idea what face my friend is seeing at the moment, but it was making her laugh as I sat there in contemplation and disbelief.
I literally did not think it through and just said the first bus I saw by the windows— wait a minute...
"Where did you get that from?" I questioned her, only to be answered by a smirk.
She probably thought I wouldn't notice it at all as I saw a flash of surprise before the aformentioned reaction.
"I have my sources." She said, completely brushing off the fact that she knew that ahead of me, and that she even had the time to gather that information.
I was about to ask her if she did her rounds on the remaining buses to check and use her being part of the SSG (in which I am also a part of, mind you) as an excuse when we heard our bus facilitator clear their throat at the front of the bus, probably to start the orientation and house rules.
And with that, the engines of our bus started and the day of our field trip starts.
Our first destination is a museum specifically dedicated to our National Hero. Nothing too eventful happened, but as I am also have a knack for history and relics, I tried my best to absorb all information I could.
In regards to our school project, I also had a handful of shots in the place already, but some are too dark— we can't do flash photography inside the vicinity (but we can use flashlights if we have one ready though, which didn't make any sense to me) so I had to take multiple shots for more submission options.
Cath stood beside me as I was taking a shot of the clothing hanged by the wall, "How's the project doing?"
I looked over to where she was to see her adjusting her DSLR and was about to take a shot of the letter encased in a glass box right beside where I am standing.
As expected. I thought to myself. She has the good camera.
I smiled at her despite my friend being unable to see it. "Alright., I got quite some good shots here." I did a quick scan of the room to check who are left aside from the two of us, and I can see that the handful of people within my vision are from three Special Science (or STE, in our terms) sections. Enough indicator for the two of us that the project was exclusively given to us three sections by our Mathematics teacher.
Most of the students lingering were too busy to interact with each other so me and Cath’s voices were resonating on the walls around the room we're in as we continued capturing images while babbling random stuff to each other.
She then decided that it was a prime opportunity to start teasing me. "Too bad you haven't met your prince charming today, huh?"
I rolled my eyes at her jest. "There's still a lot of time, you know? this is just the first destination."
She shrugged and continued snapping an image across the room. "Okay, if you say so. But make sure you see him at the last one…” she said the moment she was done and winked at me before running towards the bus.
I would be asking her about whatever the hell that meant, but my concern for her DSLR falling as she runs overwhelmed that thought as I chased after her.
No significant event occured in our next destinations; namely the bread and the noodles factory because, well, let's be honest here— we were brought there for fillers.
That didn't stop me in taking a few pictures for the project, anyway.
After all, the portfolio needs diversity in the shots.
However when our bus arrived, I was slapped in the face with a couple of polarizing news;
Bad news was we're one of the last buses to arrive at those 2 places, probably due to everyone else going back to the bus a bit later than scheduled because we got too busy capturing images.
Admittedly, I was one of those people, but it was absolutely not our fault!
Blame our Mathematics teacher for that!
Good news was, we're with the students inside Bus 20 and 19.
So my entire class was basically excited... for me.
And when I say they're excited for me, they really are…
Either Cath ratted the information out, or this entire section has the same ‘source’ as she is…
… because first and foremost, how did everyone knew about bus 19?
I know my feelings haven't been really hidden and in fact has been ‘proudly’ displaying itself, but that's besides the point!
How the hell did my entire section know what bus his section was???
I looked at my classmates—who were planning sorts of stuff so we can at least see each other this time—for answers, but they were keeping the information a secret from me.
I'm scared to think of the possibility that they threatened the guy into submission and made it so he'll agree to everything these people say…
The moment they saw that we're following bus 19’s line when we entered, our class president approached his friends (read: they assumed they were) at the end of the line to be a bit slower so they could be near our line, while the rest of my class pulls me to the front of ours.
None of our teachers even bat an eye at the ridiculous stunt like what I expected they would be doing; probably because in their eyes, they probably just thought the entirety of Aristarchus was excited for free food and that our president was just pulling our reins.
I mean, the rest of my section might be from rich families, but who wouldn't be excited for free food? Especially bread?
Now that I think more about it, I was part of the smaller ones in our section, and the overseers probably didn't see anything wrong with our class president wanting me to be part of the front lines as the usual arrangement were “short ones in front”.
It was a miracle that I got out of that ordeal in one piece, especially when he asked me if I was contracting a fever “because I was turning red” after he saw me at the front of our line arguing with the rest of my class in whispers.
TLDR; I thought it was a good news at first, but now it was more embarrasing for me because of the stunt my extremely supportive section pulled.
It made me wonder if he saw through their bullshit and just went along with it, or not…
Let's just hope he doesn't, for the sake of my own sanity if I wanted to survive the rest of the day.
===========
After getting the free food, I let a facilitator know that I'll be in the restroom for a while— mainly to take some breather and screaming the embarrasment and hyperventilation out of my system.
It was no surprise to me that I was the last person to set foot in the bus because of it. What came as a surprise were everyone looking intently at me the moment I stepped back in our bus.
I gave them a withering glare as I crossed my arms. “I hate all of you guys.”
There were a mount of “Aww”s following my declaration which made me more frustrated.
Gabrielle stood up and called our a reply from her seat. "We love you too, Arin!" I started walking towards our seat, which would mean I'll also pass by Gabrielle’s seat so I stopped in front of her in my attempts to reprimand her and the entire section.
Gabrielle, on the other hand, was smiling brightly at me. “At least you two were together in the line the moment he saw you! You're welcome~” She sing-songed to me as she wiggled her pointer finger by my face.
I buried my head in my hands as I muffled my groan (of embarrasment). I stayed in the position for a few seconds until I feel like it was enough to calm me down for a bit.
"I almost fainted, guys... When y'all discovered who my crush was, you all never stopped doing these things.” I pouted as I do my hardest to relay how serious I am through my gaze.
“Please lay low." I slowly said in an almost pleading tone, only for Gabrielle to pinch my cheeks and muttered “Cute!” under her breath. I cried for her to let go of my cheeks because it stings but she just held on to it like it's the most precious thing in the world.
"We know that, Arin." She said in a matter-of-factly manner as she continued squishing my cheeks, explicitly ignoring my cries for her to let them go.
“I think I'm speaking for the entire section when I say that we're all doing those things you complain about because we were helping you two realize how you feel about each other.” She finally let go of my cheeks the moment she was done speaking.
My hands automatically went to rub my cheeks that got pinched and squished to rub them as I looked at her intently to weigh if she's saying those words as a joke.
But not only I didn't find any hint of teasing on her tone, my peripheral vision also saw a lot of blurry bobbing heads in agreement to her sentiment behind her.
I exasperatedly sighed in response and walked towards our seat without uttering another word.
There was no use in arguing that he definitely only sees me as a friend and a long time classmate with those actions that he did the entire schoolyear.
Not if they're all convinced that he reciprocated my feelings because of those gestures.
Cath gave me a sympathetic look as I sat back down and the once silent bus continued their own chitchat.
“Don't worry about them.” She said in attempts to comfort me.
“They probably think you're their little sister and just wants the best for you while getting amused by teasing your love life…”
I really do not have any argument against that (I'm an only child), so I just kept my silence and tried diverting my attention to the now moving bus.
Cath, bless her heart, was still trying her hardest to lift up my spirits behind me. “But hey, we're on our way to the amusment park! Just enjoy the rest of it and make memories before you go home, okay?”
I sighed and nodded back, knowing that she's definitely staring at my head to gauge my reaction.
At least the day is almost over. I'll just have to get the 4th destination over with and then I can go home.
When she felt contented by that, she then reached out for her bag to probably get a snack. After a few minutes I felt her tapping my shoulder. I turned around to see her handing me a bag of chips, asking me to tear it open through her eyes.
If she did this to distract me or not was a question I wouldn't have an answer of, but it was working.
A lot.
When my somber mood subsided, we returned to our usual talk, with others around us joining in for quite some time.
Our bus had a stopover so we could buy additional food, or eat lunch befor going to the amusement park.
Normally, I would've brought my own packed lunch, but my parents were unsure if I'll be able to eat it before it gets spoiled, so they gave me the pocket money to buy whatever I wanted instead.
And because the conversation I had with my classmates earlier became a reminder for me that I really haven't went in any amusement parks yet (because apparently the ones that gets set up during festivals doesn't count),I am now feeling stressed due to the fact that I might have to face my acrophobia to fully enjoy the park.
So just to be safe, I would eat lots of sandwiches than rice. It is expensive to buy full course meals on stopovers.
That basically was the explanation I also provided to my classmates when they saw me walking back to the bus with 7 different sandwiches instead of a packed rice meal.
They all nodded in understanding afterwards.
Just as how much information they could extract about him from me, they of course knew about my extreme fear of heights as well.
Not like as I was hiding or holding it in whatsoever.
Plus, they've witnessed it first hand when we stepped on an overpass to cross the other side of the highway that one time.
Amusement parks aren't really known as a place full of boring rides that only stays on the ground, after all. Those damn theme parks are full of thrill-seeking, life-flashing and phobia-inducing selection of rides.
And my classmates who had experience with other amusement parks telling the rest of us “first-timers” about how much fun they had by making their minds think it'll be the last day of their existence by how high or fast the rides are during our earlier conversation was definitely the cause of my current internal distress.
I turned to Mae, who is currently the one sitting beside me as Cath, Gabrielle, Jade, and the other class officers were having a meeting in regards to how we'll be dividing ourselves.
That topic is also part of another dilemma I'm having, but we'll cross the bridge when we get there.
Mae is currently looking over at her captured pictures from earlier destinations, probably checking which ones are good enough to be submitted.
The reason why she's sitting beside me instead of Cath at the moment? Her seat was at the front of the bus, which the officers were occupying.
Being known as the school paper’s photojournalist, I tried assisting her in weighing the options down until she was satisfied with what I suggested. The two of us then had conversations about random things, until it inevitably came back to the amusement park.
"What rides are you planning to line up for?” I asked Mae after she told me that it'll be her first time in an amusement park as well.
She just shrugged at me. "I don't know, but the teacher said we'll get a map of the park later when we arrive. I'll decide there when I receive it.”
Well, helpful output. I sighed to myself. Thanks, I guess.
No grudges against her answer, by the way. It just frustrate me that I don't have any idea how bad the rides will be— well I have a few ideas based on the earlier conversations, but I have absolutely zero clue about how bad the rides in this particular park will be.
It would've been a great idea to ask around so I could try and mentally prepare…
So I asked around.
…But the results only made me more terrified than I was before I had that bright idea of mine.
Because majority of them are eager to ride things such as the drop tower, the rollercoaster, and even the disk-like thing they apparently call “Disk-O’-Magic” in this park.
Long story short, the rides won't be good for my fearful heart.
When I say I have a tremendous fear of heights, I can confidently tell anyone and everyone that my fear is absolute.
I am usually the ‘run away or be frozen in panic until I die’ type, so you best bet that would definitely be me the moment I get dragged along with these people to ride one.
As the officers started going back to their own seats, I heard our facilitator announce that each of the officers will be leading a group, and we could join them; join your other friends from other grades or sections; or traverse inside the park on our own.
Excited giggles surround me as they all start claiming the officer they'll be with the entire ride.
Meanwhile, I was left here to look around and weigh in my options.
Cath has brought her own family with her, albeit riding on their own car instead of being with her on the bus, to be with her in the trip’s final destination.
It wouldn't be a good idea to be with the majority of my classmates the entire time, mainly because I'll be obliged to ride those rides I intend to avoid.
I don't want to be the spoilsport of the group by declining their invitation.
And if I were being honest, it looked like everyone had already established their groups even before the meeting happened and the deciding factor they're pondering was just a matter of finding those rides when we arrive for most of them.
So, if I wanted to join at least one of them, I have to brace myself for whatever acrophobia-inducing ride they'll decide to take.
Basically, if I want to be as safe as I can, I am going to be alone. Majority of the entire trip in the park, at least.
But on the brighter side, I could capture the pictures first before trying the rides…
If I could force myself to ride at least one of them.
I was so lost at my own thoughts that I didn't even realized that we're supposed to get out of the bus now until my friend snapped me out of my reverie.
===========
I brought my sling bag as opposed to the backpack I had, which contains my digital camera, pocket money and extra clothes. We were oriented that some rides involves water and getting your clothes soaked in it so I came prepared.
Again, just in case I decided to ride a safe one… that, or I get coerced into riding one.
Well, on a bit of a brighter note, we knew the answer to my question to Cath earlier the moment we were oriented— no outside food and drinks are allowed within the park's vicinity.
But some of us are extreme rule-breakers and slipped a food or two inside their small bags and hoped for the best.
I saw and know everyone who did it in my section but I simply looked away and pretended I didn't see anything.
There's nothing wrong with doing those anyways, especially since I've heard that buying food inside is expensive.
I would've done it myself if the snacks I brought to this trip aren't that obvious during the inspection.
When we entered the gate, we were to present our tickets and the option to get a cone-shaped map of the entire place (it was folded like a cone and when you unfold it, it becomes this big, colorful circular map) and let me set this straight now: this place is massive.
I was so overwhelmed looking at the map and mumbling to myself while walking that I didn't know I was gonna run to someone while doing so.
I profusely apologized as I was picking up the now fallen map due to the collision when the other person involved in the unintended crash called my name.
"Arin, are you alright?"
I immediately froze from getting my map.
I know that voice.
I slowly looked up to see Ivan looking at me with concern, and I felt my cheeks getting hotter in every millisecond passing.
With the heat of the sun’s rays being directly on our skin and my inner hyperventilating session, I have no idea which one was the cause.
Either way, I need to keep myself grounded so I won't faint the moment I step foot into this damn park.
I tried composing myself and picked up the map as fast as I can as I replied.
"Uh, yeah! I… was just overwhelmed by how huge this park is." I said, stuttering a bit.
He chuckled at me softly and went to my right to look at the map I was holding. I then saw Leo’s face fast approaching our current spot.
Smirking.
He stopped a few steps away, while maintaining his teasing gaze that says, “You two already bumped into each other? You're fast.”
In which I mouthed a reply of ‘Fuck off’ in response as I sharpened the (already sharp) glare I was directing at his now laughing ass.
I turned my gaze away from my teasing friend and turned my attention back to the guy beside me as he continued laying out his group’s plans to me.
"We were planning to go to Jungle Log Jam first." he said, pointing at where the said ride is.
I probably missed the part when he told me the reason why he's just letting me be in the know on what they're planning, but since we're by the gates it was probably a faint whisper by one of my classmates as they passed by.
He continued telling me about the ride as his section apparently did a bit of a research (read: one of his classmates who already went here told them about it) about the park’s amenities and was more prepared than others.
I also saw in my peripheral vision that Ian approached the still laughing Leo, still rooted in his spot and the guy in question pointing at my direction before continuing with his titters. I continued ignoring them and tuned back in to him, only realizing he was looking at me.
"There's a possibility that you'll get soaked, though." He's probably waiting for a response so I shrugged.
"Yeah, I have an extra shirt with me, just in case I wanted to try the rides."
I can't help but notice the appearance of the crease on his eyebrow at my response.
It was adorable, and the urge to flatten that crease with my own fingers suddenly shoots up to the point that I have to keep my focus on my fingers so it won't wander mindlessly to his face.
He was about to open his mouth when Ian, now front of us, asked me a question he was probably going to voice out as well. "You're not going to try the rides at all?
I raised my brow and crossed my arms at them as I laced my reply with heavy sarcasm. "I'd like to remind you my fear of heights?"
Leo, who now joined Ian in front of us, heard my response and started laughing at my misery again.
Ian followed suit as Ivan looked at them in exasperation and gave me light pats in the back in attempts to comfort me.
Okay— not that I do not appreciate the gesture but come on!
I need to not die the moment I step foot in the damn amusment park, thank you very much.
Also, these two. What the hell?
I gave each of them a withering glare. "What the fuck… You guys only see me in special occasions since you're at the extension campus now and whenever you do y'all just bully me."
To recap, these three were my classmates since my second grade up to sixth grade.
We became friends when we were in fifth grade, around the same time the rest of the class decided that it was a great idea to ship Ivan and I because of how quick we became close… what was it that they said?
Oh, right. “Despite how different we are”.
And what do you know, because of those ridiculous things they've said and them gossiping about “how romantic he is with his actions”, I unknowingly fell for the guy.
And the rest is a history of embarrassing events I've been trying to repress because I can only be a disastrous clumsy girl (that I'm usually not) whenever he's within the vicinity.
"You still have that fear until now? It's 7th grade." Leo joked.
I huffed, appalled by the assumption that phobias disappear as you grow up and spat back at him, "And you're acting like seventh grade is freaking college!"
Ivan, ever the peacemaker of the group, tried intervening before the bickering started getting heated. "You should go with us, then." He offered.
Perhaps it was my desire to ignore the doofus I call as my friend that I mindlessly answered, "Yeah, sure." while maintaing a sharp glare towards Leo.
It took me a few seconds and his small smile to realize what he said, as well as my response.
Hold. I commanded myself as I immediately froze on my tracks.
What did I just say?
I whipped my head to look at the three people standing in front of me, now all smiles and acting like nothing happened a few seconds ago.
Did I just said ‘sure’????
I then stared down at the aformentioned peacemaker of the group who just invited me to go with their group.
…And did this man asked me to be with them the entire stay of our school in this godforsaken amusement park?
As I was still digesting what just happened, Ian came tugging at me and Ivan’s arms somewhere as he exclaimed, "Alright— since you said yes, let's go!"
I let myself be dragged with him as I looked back to see Leo keeping up his pace behind us, hands behind his back.
I was so focused at not letting my feelings spill out that I did not realize where this gremlin is dragging the two of us until we arrived at the front of the ride’s signage.
"Flying Fiesta?" we said in unison as we both looked at the ride.
For context, this damn ride is like the carousel in structure, but instead of horses you have seats attached to very thin (but sturdy, the staff said) harnesses on each side and you spin around like those toys you used to play as a child.
Would it be something I'd ride as an “appetizer” for this park?
No. ABSOLUTELY NOT.
I looked at him the moment I realized we said the same thing and had the urge to joke about how we jinxed, but my speech is betraying me by not letting the words spill out of my mouth.
I instead coughed to give myself a brief time to regain my composure (and voice) I lost upon realizing we said the same thing at the same time, as well as realizing what the hell they wanted me to ride as the first course.
"I thought you said you're going to that Log— whatever it is?"
"Jungle Log Jam.” Ian swiftly corrected me. He then crossed his arms in front of us with a mischievous sparkle in his eyes.
“Now that you're here, we're going to help you conquer your fear of heights!" Ian said enthusiastically.
I immediately paled. Oh no.
I knew I should've let my feelings take over and ran as far away as I could.
I pretended to sigh in exasperation to rein in the panic I feel inside. "And you're certain that that will help me?"
The three of them, now surrounding me in front of the ride, nodded.
Okay? I internally raised my brow at them amidst the internal chaos my panic is causing.
I need out. Fast.
And the urge to bolt out of here does not help with my predicament at the moment.
They will hate me for doing that, especially because I already said yes to the invitation a few moments ago…
But the urge is getting stronger because I refuse to be involved in whatever operation Ian thinks will help me conquer my fear…
What should I do? I need to think…
That's when I was reminded about our Mathematics project.
Perfect.
Before they could join forces to pull me towards the line, I cleared my throat again and inspected my sling bag as I spoke. "Hold on, you three go first.”
I met their already rising eyebrows (probably seeing it as an excuse— in which they're right about) as I hurriedly explained myself while taking very small, not obvious steps back. “I forgot to take pictures for our Mathematics project.”
When I was far enough for any of them to reach me immediately, I waved my hands at them to signify that I was leaving and ran away as fast as I could before one of them could even utter a word of protest.
The moment I knew I was quite far and out of their sight, I tried hiding at the line near the carousel ride.
Reason being the amount of people falling in line for the ride, making my existence quite hidden from their searching eyes.
I forgot to mention that the park wasn't opened exclusively for us which meant there were other schools having their own field trip at the same park, as well as civilians having fun on their own groups.
That also means that despite it being easy for me to spot them because we're wearing our PE uniforms as dress code, it'll also be easy for them to spot me due to the same reasoning.
So I've made an executive decision to temporarily fall in line for the carousel alongside other students with the same uniform as I am wearing until I can't see them searching for me within my field of vision… because knowing them for years, they absolutely would leave someone on the ride while the others look for me.
Once I knew that the coast is absolutely clear from the three insistent stooges (sorry to the resident peacemaker— he gets dragged with his two friends in this) I went out of the carousel ride to the nearest bench and sat there.
Phew, that was close.
I heaved a sigh of relief as I leaned my head over the bench. I was still panting due to running for quite a while, and the heat of the sun in the afternoon is not helping my case.
I wiped the sweat covering my face with the handkerchief in my pocket as I fanned myself to cool down for a bit.
If the class hears about this, they will definitely kill me for fumbling that horribly.
But, whatever. I thought as I mentally shrugged. They won't kill me for things they do not know.
I opened my sling bag to get my camera set up.
I am going to do my project first.
It might have been my excuse to escape from them but it doesn't mean that I won't actually do it.
Besides, all I needed were a couple more shots and my portfolio will be complete.
When I felt like I've recovered enough energy from the earlier running session, I decided to stand up and roam around for a bit.
I'm going to admit, this place is beautiful.
Everywhere I look is filled with vibrant colors that my mind wandered if seeing too much happy colors is a telltale sign that I've been dreaming this entire time but I quickly erased the thought before it could pester my brain.
I then tried framing some random spots— with my hands— to test if it'll be good to take a shot of and realized that my work will be easy for me.
And it was extremely easy for me to take pictures for my project.
Once I got used to taking pictures under the heat of the sun, I was extremely focused on just capturing pretty shots as much as my camera could.
The only time I lost focus was when I almost collapsed on the concrete likely out of fatigue, thirst, and also the fact that I was either powerwalking or running towards one spot to another.
Not to mention the mini-socializing sessions whenever I came across a group of people that knew me, or vice versa.
And now I need to decide whether I get seated and have a bit of rest, or go look for a stall that sells water to satiate my thirst.
Both have its own pros and cons, but one more pressing issue has popped up the moment I opened my sling bag: my map that I got earlier was lost.
And I am just discovering this fact.
Almost an hour and a half after I ran away from the three idiots I call my friends.
I hung my head low in defeat.
Sitting down to rest, I guess.
Not that I have any choice whatsoever, since my map probably flew away while I was running and I was so far away from my initial spot that I won't be able to backtrack it anymore.
I sighed as I darted my eyes around to check any vacant benches with shade. I fortunately spotted one a few steps away from me so I walked as fast as I could to claim dibs on the seat.
The moment I got seated, I could finally feel a bit of the tension I was unknowingly feeling going away.
But easing up also meant that the exhaustion from the heat and the constant walking around this huge park also fell on me as soon as I was relaxing.
At least I have this seat all to myself. I remarked.
I can rest my feet as much as I could while I am trying to return my breathing to normal.
I have no idea how long I've been seated on the bench, but I knew for a fact that I was there long enough to feel boredom.
I wanted to return to taking a stroll, but I needed to find a map first to at least get my bearings back.
That, and it is still too hot for a walk even while under an umbrella.
Even if I won't get lost, I'll probably die to dehydration or heatstroke.
...Okay, that one's an overstatement. But it doesn't mean it won't happen so better be safe than sorry.
As options get provided and immediately declined by my own brain, I tried pulling my mind out via focusing on my surroundings instead.
Not many people are by the other benches as they're probably stuck in long lines or was too energized to rest.
I understood the second point immediately as I experienced the sudden wave of exhaustion the moment I sat earlier, and that'll probably happen on most of these excited faces.
Now looking around intently, I can see some of my classmates (and my elementary batchmates) running for the rides— I can also notice that most of them are with their own group, happily enjoying the scenery and the time that they spend together.
I sighed at that observation. I wanted that experience, too. I folded my legs so I could hug my knees as I started feeling a bit sentimental while some students were laughing heartily as they ran from each other.
"When am I gonna have something like that?" I muttered as I continued looking at the group by the side of the bench, jealousy voicing out their attendance as it radiates through every word I uttered.
"Well, you had that earlier but you ran away from us." I jumped on my seat (and almost fell. The jerk.) the moment I heard a voice on my side.
I turned my head as quickly as I could to the source of the voice and saw Leo standing in front of me, crossing his arms.
Apparently I've said the sentiment louder than I intended, and this guy heard every word I've said.
That, or this asshole just wanted to scare the shit out of me because he knew I wasn't focusing on the surroundings near me and knew that I would be scared to death considering the amount of times I've jumped out of surprise when we were still classmates.
The jerk.
I narrowed my eyes on him after closing my mouth (that I knew was open at the time) as my mind wandered to a specific question:
Why is he here? Wasn't he with…
I widened my eyes in realization.
Fuck. They're here.
They’ve found me.
And they're going to coerce convince me to be with them so Ian can execute his plan of making me overcome my phobia.
And everyone I know will think it's the best case scenario since I'll be with him the entire time— not accounting for how many mistakes I'll commit in front of him because of my feelings and the clumsiness that comes with it!
As well as the panic attacks whenever I make even the tiniest mistake!
Not to mention my acrophobia, which has been the main reason why I've been avoiding rides with heights in them!
Am I going to emotionally die before I get through this day?, I asked myself as panic starts to seep through my eyes.
I want to run.
I tried lifting my body off the chair slightly to test if I could run to no avail. I let out a whine in frustration.
I need to run.
I tried again and was able to lift my body off the bench higher than I intended and fell spectacularly in front of Leo— to whom I am not intentionally looking at because to see his reaction would be the cherry on top of this embarrasment cake.
Seems like my legs are still exhausted from all that walking around so I guess providing my reason as an excuse is the go.
I sighed in exasperation and tried my hardest not to look over at the face of the person in front of me to gauge his reaction.
If I looked at how he's reacting to my shenanigans at the moment, I would not survive the ordeal and might need to recover from possible fainting inside the bus for the rest of the day.
I sighed again, but more deeply as I mentally accepted defeat.
I will never get out of this, would I?
I then straightened my posture and tried masking the turmoil of emotions I'm having (and trying to pretend nothing immensely embarrassing happened a few seconds ago) as I tried explaining.
"Look,” I started. “I really wanted to finish the project we have first, before falling in those long lines."
I then managed to have enough willpower to look at him, only to see the guy rolling his eyes in response. "Yeah, yeah. You have so many excuses–"
"I was not making excuses!" I cried, cutting him off as I was pulling out my camera and almost showing the images I took on his face when I realized something.
I abruptly stopped and looked around only to confirm the fact that he is, indeed, alone. I then tried looking at him to see if he noticed what I was doing.
And apparently, my actions didn't go unnoticed by Leo, who on the other hand provided an explanation for me.
While grinning slyly.
“For the record, it was not me who found you at such a sorry state.” He started explaining, putting an emphasis to “not me” and winked?
I was confused at first and then the realization kicked in.
Oh. So he found me.
"... And they believe I can convince you enough to go with us, so they went and bought some food and drinks." He stated, pointing his thumb behind him.
Enough indication that they're nearby, I observed.
He then let out an indignant huff, which surprised me. "In which I don't get, personally. Like, why me? Ivan can literally breathe and you'll definitely say yes while repeatedly nodding your head until you get dizzy–"
"I'm not like that, Leo!" I cried, indignant at the accusation.
I also impulsively stood up from my seat to face him.
He held me by my shoulders to sit me down again in return.
"Stay here.” He suddenly commanded sternly, “I don't want you escaping us again.”
I tried literally standing my ground, but my still tired legs started giving up on me. I sat down and huffed.
“Fine…” I grumbled as I unceremoniously sat down. “I finished taking pictures for our project anyway…”
Leo then sat beside me and initiated small talks as we waited for Ian & Ivan by the bench.
He told me it took then a few seconds to realize I was running away and Ian got reprimanded by Ivan the moment the guy wanted to chase after me. He then said that they should also give Flying Fiesta a try since they're already falling in line.
The wait took them 30 minutes and they started looking for me eversince.
He also mentioned that they wanted to ride the jungle log jam but the moment they passed it, it was closed for maintenance.
So, they decided to continue searching for me instead.
Ian, probably feeling a bit bad that he was the reason I ran from them, offered to pay when the group decides to buy food and drinks— in which he includes me as part of the group he'll buy food and drinks for.
Leo then confirmed that it was Ivan who found me, but he also mentioned that it was unclear for how long has he known that I was here…
...Because he only discovered that he found me when they looked at where he was staring at.
The bastard then proceeded to tease me at how dense I was to not feel him looking at me in a distance, earning him a light punch on his shoulder and a strained “Hey!” from me.
The fucker only laughed at my reaction.
What a jerk this guy is…
...And to think my second grade self was carelessly throwing meaningless words of confessions to this guy.
How desperate I was to do something so foolish at such a young age…
I pouted and looked away from his still laughing face only to see him and Ian walking towards our bench.
He's holding a huge bag of roof-shaped chips which made my eyes sparkle— I haven't tried that kind yet as I have always preferred the hexagon-shaped chips. The other bags of food and apparently drinks haven't gone unnoticed by me, either.
Have they really planned on buying all of this solely because they've included me in today’s plans?
He caught my gaze and fixated his eyes on me after taking a quick peek at Leo, who is still laughing beside me.
It looked like he's asking about his friend's current “condition” through his eyes and I shrugged as a response.
“Even the line at the snack store was long!” Ian immediately complains as soon as they're within our earshot.
I gave Ian a small smile of sympathy and the guy mistakenly took that as a sign to continue as he tried fitting in the far end of the bench.
I tried not to show the immediate look of regret in my face.
Ian then handed Leo some snacks as Ivan stretched out his hand with the Nova chips, attempting to give it to me.
I can feel the intense gazes our two friends have been giving me on my right side, and I am pretty sure it's obvious that I'm blushing at the moment.
So I wordlessly grabbed the bag of chips as fast as I could and looked behind us to pretend that I'm still sightseeing.
“By the way, what are you even doing here alone?” Ian prompted, his voice laced with curiosity. “Did you not find your classmates when you escaped?”
I didn't fail to notice the emphasis on ‘escape’ so I huffed before responding. “Just so you know, the project was real and exclusive to STE students.” I started explaining, taking my camera out to let them have a peek at the images I took.
Ian replied while I was scrambling for my camera in my sling bag. “We thought we'll never find you again, but it turns out you're just sitting by the center of the amusement park.” The hint of guilt in his words made me smile a bit.
Turns out Leo was not exaggerating about the fact that the boy felt guilty.
I handed Leo the camera as I continued explaining myself. “I work more efficiently when I'm alone because I could focus through listening to music… Though I have to admit that I didn't know this bench was in the central part of the park— I found out that my map was gone the moment I sat here.”
I did not even realize I was sitting at the middle of the park.
The more you know… actually, I would've known if only I had a map…
“Well, we didn't have one either, but we could get one right now, if you'd like…” Ivan offered, probably volunteering as he was the only one that's still standing up.
Not like he can seat anywhere in this bench, anyways. Ian & Leo were hogging the spot when this was clearly my spot.
I was in my photojournalist element that I did not even realize it was him who volunteered and that I was about to respond— but Leo just had to ruin the atmosphere.
“Also, I genuinely thought earlier that you were just inventing your excuses—” I cut him off immediately.
“I wouldn't lie about a school project!” I defended as I gestured towards the camera that they were browsing through.
I might invent excuses to get the hell out of his range as fast as I could to avoid generating numerous disasters in front of him, but I won't lie about our school projects!
Being an STE student is not for the weak.
Ian abruptly stood up from his seat— which interrupted my brain from raining countless curses at the person seating beside me— and tried sandwiching himself between me and Leo on the bench.
So, half of the troublemaker duo trying out his usual role? The thought gave me a bit of an amusement.
Good luck with that.
He then placed his hands on our shoulders. “Can the both of you please calm down?” He gently reprimanded, then focused his gaze at me.
"Arin was snarling at Leo that I thought she was going to pounce on him and rip him to pieces.”
I glared at Leo and scoffed, “Well…!”
After a few seconds of silence, Ian continued. “I also thought you were making up excuses— don't look at me like that—” He called out the moment I started staring daggers at him.
“What I mean is that you always do that to avoid us as much as possible that I thought you were pulling that stunt again…” He then sneakily glanced at the person standing in front of me, then back at me to wink.
He's clearly conveying that he knew that I was, in fact, not avoiding the two idiots, but his friend instead.
Ian also placed the hand resting on top of my shoulder to the back of his neck as he scratched it. “I'm also sorry for being insensitive earlier. You didn't have to resort into completing your project if I didn't say that…”
I put my right hand on his left shoulder this time and gave him a gentle smile. “I understand, and I know you were just trying your best so I could enjoy this day with you guys— and I really appreciate it.”
I did the mistake of taking a quick peek at the man in front of me the moment I locked eyes with him.
I saw him smile before I avoided my gaze and quickly added, “Just run your plan through me next time is all I ask.” He then replied with a strained smile.
Wait, why? That is not good, is it…?
In before I could about it when Leo decided to speak— and it was once again aimed towards me. “Do you have something to drink?”
I looked over in time for Ian to hand my camera back to me. I was about to gave him a lighthearted jab as I put the gadget back to my sling bag when I heard someone clear their throat in front of me.
That was when I realized that he was still there, standing in front of me.
But instead of holding the bag of chips in silence like he was doing a few minutes earlier, he was now handing me a bottle of water.
“You were looking too exhausted for our liking…” He said, earning him a teasing “Our?” from our two friends sitting beside me, and an additional “Don't lump us with you!” from Leo.
He only raised his eyebrow towards them and returned back to his expectant gaze that was aimed at me.
I accepted the bottle of water and tried unscrewing it, much to my disappointment.
Of course— he did point out the fact that I am too tired that it shows on my face.
I did the second most logical thing if you can't open things with your hands— to open them with your teeth.
I grinned in satisfaction as I successfully unscrewed the bottle cap and immediately gulped as much water as I could and let out a small “Ah.” for feeling refreshed.
What I didn't realize is that the three of them have been looking at me even after our interaction ended, which means that my unsightly display of my usual unladylike behavior was seen by them.
Once again, Leo was the first one to burst out laughing and I then gave him another glare.
The other two followed suit— if you call Ivan’s soft chuckles as laughter, that is. I also gave them the same look I gave to Leo as they joined the fray.
He in fact, ignored it as he did his best to tease me in between his laughter. “You really haven't changed, have you?”
I rolled my eyes. “Being in STE doesn't transform me into a well-mannered aristocrat, buster.” I then realized I haven't expressed my gratitude to the three of them so I shyly said my thanks and looked away to continue drinking water.
But before my eyes completely focused on what's in front of me, I caught a glimpse of him smiling so softly at me I almost melted. It felt like it was a mix of pure nostalgia and adoration that makes my head spin just thinking about it.
Is it my delusions that's interpreting the meaning of it as such?
Maybe.
But that won't stop me from almost swooning on the spot because boy, that smile was gorgeous.
I wish he could just plaster that smile to his face everyday. I internally sighed.
He'll have no idea how all girls would die to see him smile like that.
Apparently, those thoughts were said out loud and I only realized it when his cheeks started to get redder paired with his look of surprise being aimed at me.
…As well as Ian telling me that he “doesn't think he'd want all the girls to die because of that face— well, maybe just one…” while giving me another wink.
I know he was just being supportive of what I feel— because apparently everyone in the entire world knew about it except him— so, I just rolled my eyes at Ian while letting the back of my mind go into wishful thinking that it's indeed the case.
After a few more minutes of group chatter, they asked me if I was feeling a bit better and if we could get back to strolling down.
When they received my affirmation, we have decided to finally go back to walking and waiting in line to ride the amusement park rides they haven't yet.
Before we all stood, they insisted that they'll drag me along with them “so i won't be alone” and that since they've found me, they're “not letting me get out of their sight again”.
Which explained the reason behind me being paired with him in the front of the line, while Leo & Ian were bickering behind us.
Well, there are instances that we let the two troublemakers get ahead of us, as the three of them were confident enought that I will “not leave my beloved’s grasp” (Leo’s words, not mine).
Afraid of collapsing due to the internal hyperventilation I'm experiencing and the heat (again, I already have my umbrella on me, this time he was holding it for the both of us), I preferred to stay silent the entire walk.
Well, safe to say I maintained my silence until the boys have apparently reached their destination.
“Really, guys?” I raised my eyebrow as I gestured to the long line to the ride named Rio Grande.
This ride is actually one of the tamest ones because there are no heights… just the possibility of being utterly drenched for the rest of your stay inside the park.
But if you ask me, I prefer being as wet as a newly bathed pet rather than having my soul be left on a ride’s summit.
Ian looked at me with pleading eyes and Leo was looking at my walking partner like he's asking for help… and approval.
Uh, appreciate the heads up— I really do. But something's wrong here.
Why are these two idiots looking at us like they're our children???
I helplessly looked at the said walking partner for answers, only to see him looking at me in surprise.
I took that time to double check what I said out loud, only coming to conclusions that it wasn't what I last said out loud…
well, technically.
…Because I was not supposed to voice that damn thought about our friends acting like our children in front of him loud enough for him to hear.
I groaned upon realization and buried my face in my hands out of embarrassment.
Just how many blunders am I going to commit today?
In my attempts to use the ride as a diversion tactic, I reluctantly said a “fine” to the two children in front of us. It worked like a charm as Leo and Ian enthusiastically high-fived each other and skipped at where the line ended.
===========
An hour later, we went out with our clothes dampened by the water.
It then became clear to me why we were given a heads up about the change of clothes… It was mainly because of this ride.
Apparently we were lucky enough that the line is quite short since it was only a few hours since the park opened. I've heard the other ones lining up mention that the line can reach up to the other side of the park and will take them half a day before they get to ride it.
I was initially skeptical— who the hell would waste half of their day just to ride a 5 minute long ride? I immediately got my answer when it was our turn to enjoy it.
And I have to admit, I did enjoy it… I honestly would've enjoyed it more if I didn't come out with damp clothes.
Really couldn't complain too much by the amount of water that doused my clothes though, as Ian is basically soaked from head to toe.
To repeat Leo’s words from earlier, Ian looked like he was “the unfortunate shield” for the rest of us.
He should speak for himself as he, too, was drenched. Not as soaked as Ian, though, but he's wet enough to be mandated to have his change of clothing.
The two of them asked us to bring out the map as they've heard that there are cubicles scattered around this ride where you can get in and dry yourself.
Oh, yeah, we got a new map while they were letting me rest on the bench (Leo got it because I pushed him enough to fall from his seat) and this time each one of us had it.
So right now, we are using my copy as I was the luckiest of us four— I only got sprinkled by water when our raft was rapidly spinning around.
The moment they located the cubicles, we then split into our usual pairs since the ones who got themselves drenched were the two troublemakers in our small group.
I teased them about it, saying they got what they deserved for teasing me and Leo, being childish as he usually is, swore that we will ride the rollercoaster later.
As if he could make me do that.
Even if he managed to rope this guy currently sitting with me on a bench at the nearest drying booth into doing his bidding, they will never make me give in to peer pressure.
By the way, by the guy currently sitting with me on a bench, I meant Ivan.
And by sitting on a bench, I mean he's sitting in the middle while I sat unladylike by the edge.
With the amount of dumbassery this man witnessed I did because of my undying admiration for him since 6th grade, I'm afraid to get closer to him now out of shame.
Which explains my current position on the bench where my legs are spread out as I have both my ankles resting on top of them while I bury my face in my hands.
Me being terrified of getting closer to him because I transform into a walking disaster was also the nuance behind Leo & Ian’s genuine belief of my math project excuse as just that— an excuse to escape him. A preventive measure against more disasters I will devastate him and myself with at my feeling’s wake.
What if he's just tolerating my bullshit because his friends are also part of my friendship circle?
What if he's actually tired of me and is only pretending to react the way he does out of consideration?
What if the gestures that made me fall for him were fake so when I confess he can ridicule me for the fool that I am because I fell for his theatrics?
Those were the dominating questions forming inside my head whenever I think of him, those on top of the question that summarizes all of those what ifs into: do you know what I feel, and do you feel the same way towards me?
But whenever I get the guts to ask him and finally confess, it disappears in the blink of an eye.
Out of fear?
Perhaps.
That was the only explanation I have regarding my constant fear of doing something extremely irredeemable in front of him that will make him hate me forever.
And believe me, I've tried. I really tried confessing.
But a few (read: a lot of) failed attempts after, I gave up on hoping, on telling him myself and decided to just… keep the feelings in as much as I could.
Because in all honesty, I think I'll just settle down with the fact that we can at least talk civilly.
As former classmates.
…and maybe as friends— as close as we could be without me combusting because I'm in such a close radius.
Just like now.
I didn't even notice I was unconsciously inching further away from the edge my butt was clinging on until I was caught by him when I inevitably fell from my spot.
I had a lot of thoughts I want to say inside my head, but the only word that escaped my lips was a robotic “Thanks.”.
His eyebrow arched in response. “There's a lot of space beside me.” He said plainly while gesturing to the spot beside him.
I gulped. I probably messed up again… Damn it!
I mentally chastised myself. I made it too obvious! Stupid feelings getting the best of me…
“Uh…” I started, trying to search my brain for a reason why I can't sit beside him… only to be interrupted by my classmates screaming my name a good distance in front of me.
I sighed in relief as I looked at him to ask for a silent permission to go after them. He nodded in silence and I took it as a signal to temporarily leave his side and breathe.
But as I was walking, I realized I couldn't fully take a breather because these classmates of mine knew his face from the foundation day incident, and has been closely familiarized with it during the fiasco on the bread factory earlier.
And them calling me could only one thing: teasing.
Hannah smiled impishly as she looked back and forth towards my face and behind me. “So… We assume things are going well?”
Eunice piled on to the teasing as our circle is now filled with little teeters, “At least Gabrielle’s plan earlier gave you a bit of a confidence— It's been tiring to see you run away all the time!”
The chatter then got filled with a few of them adding on with comments varying from, “Finally, a huge progress!” to straight up asking me if “I have confessed my obvious feelings to my oblivious price charming yet”.
Completely ignoring the rest of them, I decided to respond to Eunice’s remark. “Well, I did run away earlier—and got lost in the process— but they found me. Again.”
I then gestured behind me. “That's how I ended up in there. They were intent on not letting me out of their sight.”
All of them nodded in understanding, but they were not looking at me so I have no idea if the person by the bench was mouthing stuff at them and they were responding to that instead.
For another time today, fate has been kind enough to me as Eunice gave me the response to my thoughts the moment she opened her mouth.
“Oh… That's probably why his eyes never left you all this time.”
I almost blushed until I realized that it was probably part of the “not letting me out of their sight” plan.
So, I did not hesitate to voice out those thoughts.
To my chargrin, I earned looks of disappointment from them.
“Besides,” Yna’s voice broke through the silence, “you two met earlier while you were looking at your map. How did you even get lost?”
“First of all, this park is vast. Second, remmeber when I mentioned I ran away from them?” They nodded to confirm. “I think the map flew away as I was running. Only realized it was lost when I looked for it an hour and 45 minutes after my escape.”
I heard Janine sighing at the back. “At least they found you again— looks like they really wanted to keep you for themselves the entirety of our stay here, huh?” she said.
I immediately understood the underlying meaning behind her words and replied with dejection evident in my face.
“As if they really wanted to keep me in their company… I already committed countless blunders in a few hours…”
The girls then looked at each other for a few seconds, looking like they were talking to each other telepathically. Mae then sighed stepped to the front to place her hands on my shoulders and gave it small taps.
“Oh, you oblivious child…” She whispered— no idea if it was aimed at me or herself. I looked at her questioningly and that seemed to wake her up as she stopped patting my shoulder.
“You know what? I'm tired.” She suddenly said. “I wish you luck with the rest of your day.” She then held a firm grip at both of my shoulders as she kept her gaze on eye level.
“You should open your eyes more often and be more confident with your feelings.”
They then hurriedly said their goodbyes and turned on their heels together towards the nearest souvenir shop.
I shook my head at how fast they were and turned around, only to see that Leo & Ian were already sitting with him.
For how long? I do not know.
All I knew was that they were probably an audience for the conversation we had.
I'm just hoping we were far enough to be out of their earshot.
They were engaging in some small talk when I walked within their earshot and the three of them immediately welcomed me back.
Ian told me that they were informed that we were having an “emergency girls talk” so they engaged in their own talk while waiting.
He also reported that he kept his eyes glued on my back, probably thinking he'd be able to pull me back if I attempt to escape with my classmates.
I chuckled at that and retorted that I wouldn't and my classmates absolutely would not. And for some reason he only answered me with a conspiratorial grin.
The two previously soaked boys then requested that they remain seated for a few minutes before we returned to our “regular scheduled program”, as Ian said. I agreed and was about to walk towards the bench beside the one they're currently sititng on when Ivan offered his spot to me.
Leo then took this as opportunity to suggest that I sit on his lap instead— a comment that almost made me walk out of exasperation if it wasn't for Ian hitting him on his head.
The bastard threw his hands in surrender afterwards muttering how he can't win even when he provides us with brilliant ideas.
Not going to lie, that was not a completely terrible idea.
I internally giggled in amusement but apparently I let them know whose side I was on by the small grin showing on my face. I immediately looked away to hide it.
In such perfect timing (read: I needed an excuse to remove myself from the teasing), I felt my phone vibrate and I immediately brought it out to check who sent me a message.
It was from Cath telling me that “Don’t be on guard all the time, Arin. It's fine to let loose and let go of your fears sometimes.”
I stared at my phone for a few minutes, trying to decipher how did she know the exact words I needed to hear.
I looked back to the three boys I've been with in this park so far.
While I can admit that I am indeed enjoying their company, I just can't afford letting my guard down, especially when I'm around him.
My thoughts about him putting up with my shenanigans never fails to make its presence known whenever I wanted to let my guard down.
And believe me when I say I've tried so hard to do so for the duration of this trip.
It was just the fear of me doing an irreversible blunder and him hating me until his dying breath in return that restrains me from doing so…
But maybe… I internally contemplated, maybe I should at least try doing it. Maybe I should just go “fuck all” and ride the damn rides.
These three have already seen me at my arguably worst days…
At this point, I have nothing more to lose, right?
Maybe, just maybe… I could have enough courage to finally let him know about what I feel…
The thought filled my eyes with determination as I tried stealing a glance at him, only to realize he was already looking at me.
I gave him a bright smile and engaged in the still ongoing banter session between the two idiots we both call our friends.
In hindsight, following Cath’s advice has been a good idea. Great, even.
I'm more than thankful she sent me that message at the right time.
…And I need her to trust me when I say I really did try letting my guard down, but the moment we arrived at our destination, a wave of regret from letting myself ‘go’ that easily.
The destination in question being this park’s ferris wheel they call the Wheel of Fate.
Also known as the highest ride in all of the ones they have in this amusement park. Despite that, I am not feeling any inch of amusement in my system whatsoever.
I internally sighed. Of course we'll go there the moment I tried enjoying myself.
In retrospect, I should've known we were walking towards here in the first place.
There were many obvious signs that we will go in this ride later on;
- Ian has been making a remark about how high the wheel is and how visible it is at any point in the park.
- Leo was telling us how he enjoyed the one the carnival near his house had.
- And last but not the least, Ivan himself muttered under his breath that it would've been nice to be able to ride it a few minutes after.
It was something that shouldn't be heard by anyone else, me included, but we're walking side-by-side all the damn time so it was inevitable in my case. (Not to mention, my senses become more alert whenever I'm around him…)
- Not only that, but said fucker complimented the images he saw from my digicam earlier and then asked me if I can have a better angle when I'm a bit higher!
And I initially thought he was going to lift me up by my waist instead of riding this damn ride when he asked me that question earlier!
I wanted to angrily stomp my feet on the ground but before I could start my small tantrum, the group stopped going towards the line and the three wordlessly looked at me in anticipation.
With all of the signs that my brain completely ignored earlier, they're probably anticipating for a verbal yes, or a small nod in agreement so they can pull me towards the line.
And here comes dilemma number 2— the million dollar question of whether I'll accept their silent invitation.
I can't just say yes.
I mean, the ride was the first thing I saw when our bus arrived at the parking lot.
And I swore to myself that I would never even come across it after almost puking just at the sight of it.
For God's sake, I have a fear of heights! This is my archnemesis!
And it's a godforsaken electronic, man-made ride!
I could just easily reject them, but their faces makes me retract my words before I could even say it.
Not just that, but I can't say no because I also wanted to ride it so I could confess to him!
Frustration started bubbling in the surface as I get more mad.
At myself.
I need to decide whether I decline and pull out another ridiculous excuse out of my ass, or do my earlier advice and have a fuck all moment and end up riding with them.
Dread started seeping in my thoughts.
I didn't want to disappoint them…
But I know I am starting to disappoint them for taking such a long time frozen on my spot.
I can even see their smiles drop.
Then fear.
But… it's too high… What if I die while riding this?
What if they'll hate me when I say no?
But, what if the ride stops when we're at the summit, and we can't go down unless we jump, and then I jumped only to realize they haven't set up the trampoline-ish catcher for times like these?
That's ridiculous. My mind chided.
Being hated by your supposed friends would make you feel more dead than your acrophobia.
And that can happen right now once you've decided what you'll answer.
Fear of heights, of rejection.
Of abandonment.
What if this was the final straw for them?
What if they'll leave me because I can't cast my acrophobia aside to ride just one ride with them?
What if I really kill the fun and they'll never talk to me again after this?
My body started shaking as I lost my balance to even stand, and I can see them— mostly Ivan run towards me to catch me.
I could see him speaking to me as she shook me to ground me back to them.
But I can't.
This is it, huh?
I'm now having a panic attack in front of my three friends, one being my first love, just because I couldn't decide to face my fears in both choices.
Such a disappointment I was.
My body then started spilling tears out of my eyes and I can see him trying to wipe it while he hugged me.
This was such a weird experience as I can see everything happening like it wasn't my own body that I was seeing.
I'm sorry.
to them.
For being a disappointment.
to myself.
For being unable to do anything to prevent this from escalating.
This is my fault.
I hope they won't get mad at me…
I hope he won't hate me…
Because I love him. So much.
I'm so sorry.
I kept repeating the apologies in hopes that they could hear me as my body gave up and I was swallowed by darkness.
“Where am I?” Were the first words I said as I clutch my head.
My head started aching the moment I opened my eyes, and as I held my head I felt another hand touching mine.
It was his.
And he was hugging my head.
It took me by surprise.
Wha— He's supposed to be gone! He's supposed to dislike me because I'm the girl who couldn't pull herself together!
I'm supposed to be alone in here… Wherever here is.
“Why are you here?” I asked, surprise and accusing at the same time. He was definitely taken aback by my tone as I felt him flinch in his embrace.
He then let go to hold his hand in mine and pulled it off my head so I can see him.
He… he look so worried…
Are those eyes for me?
“Yes.” He responded.
Okay, I might've said that one out loud.
“I'm here for you… why would you think otherwise?”
It took me a while before I managed to respond…
Mainly because my tears are threatening to spill and I was doing my absolute best to not let it fall.
“I… I thought you'd hate me by now…”
“I would never hate you…” He said softly, still holding my hands. “Why would you think I'd be…”
Ah, this is no use. His voice is too gentle, too kind. I can't take this.
I started sobbing as I told him the truth. “Because I didn't want to ride the wheel.”
He held out a handkerchief as he traced circles on my hands to comfort me. “I kept on trying to get away from you, not only in this trip but also those other times in school.”
He let go of my hands as I accepted the handkerchief and wiped my tears. “I always do clumsy things whenever I'm with you, and earlier I had a panic attack from deciding whether I'd say yes or no.”
“Yeah, I… I'm sorry about that.” He said, awkwardly scratching his head.
“Why are you apologizing, I should be the o—”
“I wanted to ride it with you. I tried coercing my friends despite their concerns about you and your fears. Even your classmates have told me so. But I wanted to. So it was my fault.”
He then got closer to wipe the tears left in my eyes.
I didn't realize that I stopped crying out of shock.
So everyone has advised him against it. Why was he so… insistent?
“I wanted to tell you something… Something that will probably be memorable to you. I wanted you to witness it in a place where we're truly in private, and in an atmosphere that's more… appropriate.” He looked away as he explained himself, red started to color his face.
Something he wanted to tell me…
Something that's best said in private, and with the right atmosphere…
...and that could only be achieved if we ride the damn wheel?
“Is it too late for us to go?” I blurted out.
This time I was conscious I let that slip out my mouth, but I didn't expect that he'll be surprised.
“No. You collapsed from stress and your panic attack earlier. I cannot risk another one.”
If what I assume he'll say in the ride would be correct, then…
“But, you'll be there with me, right? Will you let go of me or change your mind midway?” I did my best to let him see the fire of determination that's starting to incinerate all of the fears I have inside.
Feel the effect of your words, you bastard. Now you just have to make sure we're on the same page inside that damn ride.
He sighed. “I'll be with you. I hope you can trust me enough to not abandon you or hate you for anything ‘stupid’ you'd do…”
He then grumbled something under his breath as he shook his head and hugged me. I tried my best to hug him back as he was quite tall and he's standing while I was sitting on the bed, still feeling a bit dizzy.
“I'll go to the nurse so we can get you some prescriptions and get the hell out of here. I'm sure Leo, who's still in line, is probably on the front now… Oh, and Ian is with Gabrielle. They're worried sick about you.”
He smiled as he let go of the embrace and started to go to the nurse's desk in the park’s infirmary. He probably got a scolding of a lifetime because of what happened. I feel bad for him now…
I just hope the words he wanted to say were also the words I've been wanting to hear from him.
Because I know I can't let those words out myself despite feeling it so deeply in my entire system.
He came back with medicines for me and told me that the nurses said I'm free to go the moment I woke up.
So we went out, only to be met by Ian and Gabrielle outside the door.
He must've messaged them.
“You have no idea how worried I was!” Gabrielle started as she hugged me a bit tight. I can definitely feel the worry in her embrace.
The moment we were fully outside, I was surprised to see that it's starting to get dark.
“For how long was I unconscious?” I asked after Gabrielle let go of the hug.
The three gave uneasy looks at each other, probably telepathically telling each other to tell me how long until I heard Ivan sigh and face me.
“You've been in that bed for almost an hour and 30 minutes.”
Huh???
“Leo volunteered to proceed in line while me and Ian brought you to the infirmary. I then called Gabrielle to inform your teachers just in case you won't wake up before we go home.”
I stood frozen on the spot, mouth agape with the realization about what happened when I collapsed.
“Hey. Please don't collapse again.” I heard Ian say as a hand landed on my shoulders.
“Ivan almost collapsed out of his own panic, especially when the hour passed and you were still not waking up,..”
“Yeah,” Gabrielle added. “He got a pretty harsh scolding from the both of us but we then ended up comforting him because he was genuinely panicked and apologetic.”
“I've never seen him so remorseful until today!” Ian teased. Ivan rolled his eyes.
“Yeah, because I really regretted my plan the moment I saw her crying while she was standing there frozen.” He said as he was gesturing to the general direction of the line. “And also because I do not regret stuff that I do with you three.”
“Alright, enough of that.” I said the moment I could assure myself that I am back to my senses. I then snaked my arms around his so I can easily pull him away from the two.
“Let's proceed with your plan, shall we?” His eyes went wide in surprise, and pretty sure my two other friends in the back reacted the same way as I heard them call out at the same time.
“What?”
“Huh?!”
“Arin.”
I chuckled. “C'mon, I think I can handle it this time… Because he won't let me feel like I'm on my own, right?”
The other two relented the moment I gave them my most determined look. I saw both of them sigh in defeat as they follow the two of us towards the line.
“There you are! Took you long enough!” Leo called out to the two of us. He was at the front of the line and was supposedly the next ones to enter the ride but he gestured for us to take over.
===========
The ride can have up to 6 people in each capsule, but it's most advisable to only have two people in it to not put too much strain on the ride…
Or whatever he's saying to keep up the conversation inside the said capsule at the moment.
The other three went in the one that came after ours… Mainly because they know they may not hear anything due to the walls, but they can still see because said walls are quite transparent. And well cleaned.
Nosy fuckers.
Anyways, I was trying my best to engage with his attempts at small talk to keep my mind off the fact that the capsule is getting a lot too high for my liking.
But I can't, mainly because the capsule starts shaking a bit whenever the wheel gets moving and I get reminded of the fact that we are indeed inside a ferris wheel capsule.
And it's going higher. And higher… And—
He might've noticed my fears as he leaned towards me from across his seat to reach out for my hand.
“Maybe it's time for what I'm supposed to say, huh?” I nodded slowly as I mentally braced myself for it.
I heard him chuckle softly as he muttered something to himself that I wanted to hear, but as we are sitting across each other (to maintain the balance of the capsule), there are limitations on what we could do.
In this case, I can only hear much.
Still smiling and still holding my hand, he started. “You probably have figured out what I wanted to say here so I'll be straightforward.” I heard him sigh, but I couldn't see it in his face as I am blinded by the bright smile he's currently showing me.
What is wrong with this man??
“I like you.” I held my breath, as his tone left an unsaid “but,” in it.
“... Is something I would say initially. But, I don't think that word can justify how much I feel for you now.”
I had nothing to say, so I just let him speak.
Like, what am I even supposed to reply? ‘Understandable, have a nice day.’?
I never knew how to reply to confessions— they don't teach that in school for God's sake!
So yeah, listening it is.
“Believe me, I thought this was a great idea, but I completely forgot about your fear of heights, and I was lulled in this idea that maybe you were just adding a bit of hyperbole when you described it.”
“I'm not!” I cried indignantly. “I'd never lie or exaggerate about this fear!” I was wiggling my hands so I can get out of his grasp but his hold to me was very firm.
I stopped my hands from moving and instead grumbled. “I hate having it too…”
“Yes, I know that now. And I wanted to apologize again for the way I used to think, and how I didn't take your feelings into consideration. But to be fair, this time it was your fault that we're in here.”
How the fu—
“Well. I was just going to say this while we were in the infirmary but I got that look from you, and that look told me you wanted to go. So I waited for any verbal confirmation… I didn't want to assume you wanted it just because I interpreted it on your eyes.”
… and now I am rendered speechless once again.
This guy really knows me well… mostly. He's still a work in progress.
But he's my work in progress. I love him.
If he'll have me, I could be his work in progress, too.
“Arin, what are you thinking?” He asked in a playful tone. I looked at him with a hint of shame for being caught in the middle of my thoughts.
He caught me thinking to myself again. I just hope I didn't say what I was thinking out loud.
“As I was saying… with all that's happened today, I realized that the word like wasn't enough to properly convey how I feel. I wanted to value, cherish and care for you for the rest of my days.
Arin, I love you. Will you be my work in progress, and I, yours?”
“…”
First of all. This was NOT the confession I was expecting.
I mean, yeah, sure, I was expecing such a heartfelt confession but in my head I was just thinking him saying that he realized how he felt for me etc etc and that he'd like us to be dating.
But to call us work in progress?
So he heard what I said earlier.
That bastard.
“You…!”
“Yes?”
“You heard me earlier and you didn't say shit about it!”
He laughed. “I did, just now.”
“You used it as your confession line! That's supposed to be mine!”
“I mean… What's yours is mine, and what's mine is yours… Once again, if you'll have me, that is.”
I rollec my eyes as I let go of his hold so my hands were the ones on top of the table.
"Of course you silly man! You have no idea how long I've been waiting for this day!” I said as I felt something hot streaking down my cheeks.
He removed his hand from the desk and reached out to wipe the tears spilling out my eyes. “I didn't mean to make you cry, I'm sorry.”
“No! This is happy tears! I'm happy that someone finally confessed… because I can never do it.”
This time, he was the one that was taken aback. The question of “Why not?” is evident on his expression alone.
I sighed. “Because I can never speak properly whenever I'm close to you— I can't even do things right if I couldn't keep my cool! I'm like this, I changed because I realized my feelings for you!”
He was silent for a few seconds then started laughing. “That's explains everything.”
He then removed the hand wiping my eyes and cupped my cheek. I instantly leaned into his touch and closed my eyes.
“I longed for moments like this, you know?”
“I… I didn't… I didn't know.
But I know I'll have a lot of catching up to do.”
We stayed like that until we have to go out of the capsule.
He held out his hand to escort me out of the ride's premises (and probably to go to where our buses are) and I was going to accept it when we heard three voices calling to us.
“So… dating?”
“That's my boy!”
“Yo, lovebirds!”
We turned around to see the three nosy fuckers just coming out of their own capsule.
They called so loud that gazes of some bystandaers are now on us.
I quickly took his hand and pulled him out through running. “You should get used to this!” I said as I ran.
I heard him chuckle as he held my hand tighter. “You have no idea how used I am to this."