Chapter Text
Ed was nervous and he didn't like it. Nervous was not his style, never had been. Not as Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist, who'd faced down men, monsters and Truth itself. And not in the before, where he'd faced both Olympus and the underworld with equal defiance.
And now here he was, nervous, hope making his heart beat too fast. Roy had gone through the gate. He had to remember the before now, had to remember Ed. There hadn't been time to ask during the fight against Father, but ...
He took a breath, then another and walked into Roy's hospital room without knocking.
"What's up?" he demanded instead of a greeting.
Roy was sitting on the bed, propped against the headboard, head turning in Ed's direction, eyes sightless. "Ed?"
"That's me," he said, even as his stomach did an unpleasant twist. He shook it off. Roy couldn't exactly call his other name right now, could he? They could be overheard. Maybe. This didn't mean anything. "How are you doing?"
"They'll release me tomorrow," Roy replied easily.
Ed nodded, then belatedly realized Roy couldn't see that. "Good. That's good. What about ..." he hesitated. Should he ask more directly? It wasn't like he hadn't made it obvious who he was, changed gender aside, but the gods hadn't had much use for those gender stereotypes of the mortals to begin with, so Roy should be able to figure it out.
Ed could afford to try again anyway. Roy would remember. He had to remember. "You know, seeing the gate. It's pretty overwhelming."
For Ed, every moment was burnt into his mind like it was yesterday: The circle, the ingredients, everything double and triple checked. Then they'd added blood. Their eyes met, gold to gold. Their hands slapped down onto chalk in perfect sync and the world turned white. A white shape grinned. For a moment. Then the grin abruptly disappeared.
"Well, this is going to be interesting," it said.
Ed tried to back away. Hands reached out. And he knew Truth. He also knew himself.
A life, just like this one. A loving mother. A distant father who screwed everything up, first when he promised Ed's hand in marriage on accident and again when he'd tried to annul said marriage after Ed had gotten to know and love the man.
Pain seared through his leg, calling him back to a basement and chalk circles and a grotesque figure within. He met Al's gaze and for a moment he recognized Apollo, his chosen brother of another life. Then the dust swallowed Al whole and his brother was gone.
No. NO! He could not let Al go. Getting their mother had been idiotic, he knew. Souls did not leave the underworld, Hades had allowed few exceptions to that rule. But Al would have to pass those borders first, that left a very short window for Ed to act. He drew the seal in blood. Searing pain raced through his arm. Then he passed out.
Ed blinked the memory away. Human mind. Human trauma response. He knew that. There was fuck all he could do about it though.
"... dealing well enough," Roy said.
Well?! There was no way Roy would be dealing well if he were processing millennia of memories. Or understood that this world was empty of the gods. But even just the sheer amount of alchemy knowledge the gate would have crammed into his head should have left Roy reeling.
Maybe he was downplaying? Fuck, Ed hoped he was downplaying. Not that he didn't want Roy to be dealing well, just because it had felt impossible to him, what with a brother who did not remember and who he had foolishly bound to an armor when he'd still thought there would be gods out there to craft him a better body. Ed breathed past that too. He had crafted Al a new body all by himself, had bargained the connection of their bound gates to Truth in exchange for allowing Al's soul to reside in it as if it had been his all along.
Ed blinked back to the present and looked at Roy, his husband, the destruction to Ed's creation. Hades. And there was still no hint that he remembered Persephone.
Ed was no-one to him, just a bratty about to be ex-subordinate. He numbly wondered if this was Truth's doing. Petty revenge on him, denying Roy the memories of himself, of Ed.
"I'm not even sure I could do clap alchemy," Roy added, speaking right through Ed's thoughts. Ed stilled. Al hadn't remembered at first either, clap alchemy or being Apollo. Now he did both. So maybe ... maybe Roy would too.
There was no telling when Roy would remember though, if ever. Ed swallowed. He'd hoped. He'd ...
"Hello, Edward, I didn't know you'd be stopping by," Hawkeye said as she entered the room. Roy turned to her, away from Ed, smile widening.
Ed swallowed again. Seeing Roy so at ease with Hawkeye sent another twist through his insides. Ed could clearly see the bond there, the connection built on years of service together. In some ways Hawkey fit him better than Persephone ever had. He was life and creation. The underworld, for all that he'd called it home many months of the year was a land of the dead. Between that and his attitude he hadn't exactly been welcomed by Hades' court. Ed had adapted of course, had used his time down there to look after the life slumbering deep under the snow. He'd created too, to try and lighten up a place that was meant for the shades of the dead, had filled the Elysian Fields with statues of heroes and plants that thrived without sunlight and decorated Tartarus with gargoyles, skulls and spikes.
Ed looked down at the little stone gargoyle clutched in his hand. This world was closer to Tartarus than the Elysian Fields and so Ed had continued to decorate just the same. It was his quiet inside joke that no-one who had not been to the underworld would ever get.
He'd done it to Roy's office too, had left skulls carved into his desk, shelves and doorjambs and left little figurines of gargoyles on his desk with his reports. He wasn't even sure what he'd hoped to accomplish bringing Roy another one. Certainly not what he'd actually gotten. Roy friendly but distant, Hawkeye at his side. Ed carelessly put gargoyle on the bedside table. Someone would tell Roy it was there and make him take it home. Or throw it away. Ed didn't think Roy had kept any of them, really.
"I don't think I've ever seen you in blue either," Hawkeye said and Ed realized he'd tuned the conversation out again. Hawkeye was closer to Roy now, easy in close proximity where Ed was forced to keep his distance.
"It's just clothes," he dismissed, even though Hawkeye was right. This had been deliberate. Blue jacket, green cargo pants.
His clothes had been the only other nod to his old life he'd allowed himself. Black and red were the colors of the underworld. Hades' colors. It was what Ed had worn most of his long long life on Olympus, a defiant show of his allegiance to his husband and king when he was cut off from his lands. Persephone had fought in red and black and so had Ed.
Just as contrary he'd liked to wear blue and green around the underworld, colors of life and nature, a reminder that he was more than just the husband of Hades. They were at home colors. And Roy was supposed to be home.
He shook his head, forced himself to lift his chin and went for the first excuse that sprung to mind. "I just wanted to say goodbye. I'm ... well, now that I'm out, I think I'll travel. See the world. Learn something new. I hear Creta knows some healing alchemy." The idea sounded better with every word he spoke. Maybe he could learn to do something for Roy's eyes? Or regrow his own arm. Funny how making a whole body from scratch had been easier than this. But creation was funny like that. Do something new and it flew easily. Try to return something to a previous state and it's spark sputtered out faster than you could blink.
"When are you leaving?" Roy asked.
Ed shrugged. "Al's going at the end of the week. I probably won't wait that long."
He hadn't made plans to go, but now ... now he wanted out and a bag was easily packed.
"Write us," Hawkeye said, "And tell us when you're back in the country."
"Sure," Ed agreed. "See you around or whatever." And then he walked out and refused to let the way his heart hurt show on his face. Hades might have been his husband once upon a time, but Roy Mustang was not. And much as Ed wanted him back, he wasn't going to spend his life waiting for Roy to catch up.