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“This is only, what, our second mission together?” Axel asked Xion as they stepped out of the portal. “But it’s our first mission as friends. Last time, you were a total zombie.”
“Hey!” Xion elbowed him playfully.
Axel laughed. “What? It’s true. You and Roxas were both zombies at first. You barely even spoke.”
“Talking was hard,” said Xion, defensiveness creeping into her voice. “Sometimes it still is. But I’m not the same as I was that first week.”
“I know, I know,” Axel waved his hand dismissively. “Now we’re friends, and you can talk. But enough reminiscing. Let’s find this Heartless and take care of it.” He led the way down the dimly lit corridor with Xion following closely behind, keeping an eye out for any moving furniture.
That morning, Xion and Axel had been sent to Beast’s Castle to deal with a large Heartless that was apparently causing problems. She was glad to spend some time with her friend outside of their daily ice cream snacktime. Though Axel had done a lot to help her, it often seemed as if she barely knew him at all. He never talked about his life before the Organization, and he and Xion mostly only spent time together when Roxas was there between them.
“Axel,” she mused aloud as they walked, “would you still be my friend if I wasn’t Roxas’ friend?”
“Huh?” Axel raised his eyebrows. “Well… Roxas is the one who invited you to get ice cream with us, so I guess it’s thanks to him that we’re friends.”
Xion shook her head. That wasn’t what she meant. Talking was so hard. “But if… if you and I were by ourselves, without Roxas there… would you still want to be my friend? Or do you only like me because Roxas likes me? Do you only spend time with me because Roxas is there?”
Axel chuckled softly. “What kind of question is that?” He paused to peer around a corner, searching for Heartless and any of the castle’s strange residents. “Sure, I think we’d still be friends. As much as I hate babysitting, I do love getting ice cream and watching the sunset with you.”
“How is this still babysitting?” Xion complained. “It’s been over a hundred days. By now, it should just be called working together.”
An ominous noise interrupted them before Axel could come up with a witty reply. Something was whirring and clanking and shrieking at the end of the corridor. Xion and Axel exchanged a glance.
“There’s our Heartless,” Axel muttered, summoning his chakrams and starting down the corridor. “Let’s get to work.”
“Right!” Xion summoned her Keyblade, relishing the warm thrill it sent through her as it appeared in her hand, and plunged after him.
The Heartless was hovering near the ceiling, knocking a small chandelier around and causing a general ruckus. Xion leapt at it and slashed its chain-covered face with the Keyblade, causing it to spring backwards and flail its warped limbs at her. She twisted out of the way as she landed, raking at its underside with her Keyblade, but it caught her in the shoulder and knocked her back. Annoyed, Xion sprang back to her feet and swung furiously. Her muscles burned with the effort, but she felt good. She felt strong. She felt alive.
Axel had rotated around to the Heartless’ other side, and he and Xion sliced at it repeatedly from opposite directions, which seemed to be driving it crazy. The Heartless lashed out in a circle with a blaze of energy, which Xion just barely managed to dodge – but Axel didn’t.
Across the corridor, Xion heard a groan of pain and a clattering sound that could only be Axel’s chakrams falling to the floor. She dodged around the Heartless towards her friend – and the sight of him stole Xion’s breath from her lungs. Axel was flat on his back, unarmed, his eyes barely open, the Heartless looming over him like a dark cloud of doom. As Xion watched, the Heartless raised one of its limbs to strike at him again.
No! Some terrible feeling clenched around Xion’s chest and sizzled through her whole body. Without thinking, she raced across the corridor, closing the distance between her and Axel almost instantaneously. As the Heartless brought its limb down towards her friend’s collapsed body, Xion raised her Keyblade and blocked it with a clang!
The impact reverberated through Xion’s bones. She gritted her teeth against the sensation and pushed her Keyblade back against the Heartless’ limb, slicing it off. The Heartless cried out and reeled back, but Xion pressed the advantage, bringing her Keyblade down on its remaining limbs and forcing it into a corner. Finally, she pierced the Keyblade right through its center, and it dissolved, releasing its heart into the air. She let her Keyblade disappear and rested her hands on her knees, panting heavily.
“Xion?”
She turned to see Axel sitting up, clutching his right side. “Axel! Are you okay?” She ran to his side, offering him a hand.
Axel grunted as he used Xion’s hand to pull himself to his feet. “I’ll be fine, thanks to you, Xion. I’d be toast if it weren’t for you and your Keyblade skills.” He managed a smile through the pain he was clearly in. “I like to make fun of you and Roxas for not knowing what you’re doing, but that was some pretty impressive stuff.”
Xion’s cheeks warmed. “Thanks. I’ve been practicing as hard as I can with my Keyblade, even outside of missions.”
“And why would you do that?” Axel asked as he gathered his chakrams from where they’d fallen. “As soon as I finish my missions, it’s ice cream, then RTC, then sleep.”
“You sound almost as lazy as Demyx,” Xion teased, leaning against a wall. Now that the fight was over, the energy that had been coursing through her body only moments ago was rapidly fading.
“Hey! At least I still fight, which is more than Demyx can say!” Axel took up a position against the wall beside her. “But really, why do you practice so much? If Saïx has been making you do extra work, I’ll have a word with him.”
Xion shook her head. “I just don’t want to lose the Keyblade again,” she admitted. “When I couldn’t summon the Keyblade, I felt so weak. Like the most important part of me just… didn’t exist anymore. If I practice hard, I’ll get better and better at summoning the Keyblade, and I’ll never have to feel like that again.”
“I think I understand that,” Axel said slowly. “Not wanting to feel weak. But the Keyblade’s not the most important part of you, silly. It’s just your weapon. I don’t want to lose my chakrams, but I’d still be me without them, you know?”
“It is the most important part of me,” she insisted. “It’s different for you. The Organization only needs me because of my Keyblade. Without it, they would dispose of me. I could lose anything else – everything else – and it wouldn’t matter to the Organization, as long as I still have my Keyblade. They don’t care about the rest of me.” Xion had always known this, of course, but saying it out loud still opened up a cold pit of misery in her stomach.
To her surprise, Axel shook his head. “Yeah, but the Organization’s a bunch of Nobodies,” he pointed out. “We don’t have hearts. We can’t care about anything, even the things that are truly important.” He placed a gentle hand on Xion’s shoulder. “Once we get hearts of our own, we’ll be able to understand all the important parts of ourselves. But until then… just because the Organization doesn’t care about something – like who you are outside of your Keyblade – doesn’t mean it’s not important. Got it memorized?”
Xion smiled. “I think so.”
“Good.” Axel stretched his arms above his head. “Now, I’m completely exhausted from that fight. What do you say we call it a day and go get some ice cream?”
At the thought of the refreshing taste of sea salt ice cream, Xion’s mouth immediately began to water. “That’s the best idea I’ve ever heard.”
But as she followed Axel through the portal and into Twilight Town, Xion couldn’t stop turning his words over in her mind. We can’t care about anything. The more she thought about it, the less sense that made. When Axel had been in danger from the Heartless, Xion’s mind and body had reacted so strongly she almost couldn’t control herself. In that moment, she wanted and needed to protect him from the Heartless more than she needed anything. If that feeling wasn’t caring, what else could it have been?
She didn’t know. And Xion was so, so sick of not knowing.